To the desk of Mister Michael “Burnie” Burns,
My name is Jeannine, more commonly known as Tumblr user NepetaQuest. It has come to my attention that you are currently not hiring as of right now, which is completely understandable. However, I would like to prove my worth as a valuable member of Rooster Teeth’s respectable company.
I graduated with a BA in English, specifically in the category of Creative Writing. A position as a screenwriter for current projects and/or future projects is my most preferred area to work in within the Rooster Teeth company. This means that I am clearly capable and qualified to write the “yaois” the “fangirls” these days are clambering over. I am sure that my scenario of Caboose “doing the do” with Church while watching a marathon of Dora the Explorer and eating Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts while Freckles watches from the sidelines will be a guaranteed hit among the faithful fans of Red Vs Blue.
I also currently have a very successful blog, boasting over nine thousand followers that have followed me all because I have posted an 8 second video of myself complaining about homework, then proceeding to make an obnoxious noise that is comparable to that of a dying otter while sliding out of the camera’s view. People followed me because of that.
I have that power.
Also, I am able to quote every line, sound effect, and musical cue from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. This has been a gift that I have been honing since March of 2004, clearly making me quite the professional loser nerd baby.
My special talent includes subjecting Gus Sorola, 5/6ths of the Achievement Hunters, and several other Rooster Teeth employees into wearing my Nepeta Leijon cosplay hat during RTX 2013 and managing to not give any said employees head lice. Should questions arise as to the possibility of such a dumb stupid feat being accomplished, I have photographical evidence to back up my claims.
Some important decisions I’ve made during my life include romancing Thane Krios, not giving Clementine the Shame Hoodie, and not harvesting a single Little Sister (ok there was that one time but it was totally 100% an accident I completely mixed the two harvest/save buttons up it was ONE TIME).
Anyways, please hire me. I hate my current job a lot. Also I don’t live in Austin so I hope it’s ok if I’m 19 hours late to work (depending on how good traffic is).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
PS: If you ever do actually manage to see/read this I apologize profusely yet I simultaneously regret absolutely nothing.
PPS: I named my Charizard after you.