that's all i want in life

  • First year moving to a place with snow: This is so incredibly magical! I cant believe I've been missing this all my life!
  • Second Year: If I want to walk across the street to the gas station its still gonna takes me ten extra minutes to get dressed so I dont die on the way I slipped on ice for the third time this month and even though everyone does it you always feel like an idiot anything thats indoors has the heater blasting hard so even if I take off my coat I'll still sweat which is gonna feel just great for when i go outside again but before I have to manage carrying my coat around eveywhere indoors sitting down in class sucks because everyone else has their coats as well so everything is cramped as fuck why are there large-scale human cities in these kinds of places again didnt humans evolve on fucking savannahs or something why am i here im not fucking following wooly mammoths or anything what is the excuse now

anonymous asked:

having mental illness and not "being able to work" because of it is one of the most pitiful excuses i ever heard. i have been struggling with depression and self harm for years and yet i manage to push myself to work and not cry and think life will be better if i dont try. im not trying to be rude or make u feel bad. sorry if it sounds that way. but i want to let u know that life will not continue if u dont push urself when needed. u cant live and not work forever sadly thats how society is.

I’m working together with many professionals right now, I’m in therapy and I have a psychiatrist. All of them said that I’m not able to work right now and that it would only make my mental illnesses worse. My therapist said that, my psychiatrist said that, my therapist in the mental hospital said that, my doctor said that, just everyone I’m working with right now said that. I feel really bad for not being able to do anything right now, but that’s why I’m working on getting better, you know? In november I’m going to a mental hospital again to work on my C-PTSD and BPD and after that I will go to a supervised residential group and hopefully start an education. I won’t be able to work 8 hours per day like healthy or less damaged people, but I will try to work at least 4 hours per day. I’m not lazy, I WANT TO work! I’m sick of sitting at home 24/7 for 2 years now and not being able to do anything because I’m not able to work like other people. Those 2 years weren’t wasted tho - I was in the mental hospital and I worked together with my therapist and psychiatrist on getting better. I’m taking medication. I’m really trying my best and working on myself and my problems… And yes your ask makes me feel bad about all of this, because I’m already struggling with accepting that I’m just NOT ABLE to work currently. I have the tendency to push myself waaaaaay too far (because of the black and white thinking of my BPD) and it’s not that easy to just not do that. Maybe you don’t understand my point of view since you don’t have BPD - and that’s totally okay ofc, I’m so glad that you don’t have to deal with this!! - but it’s just… not as easy as you make it seem right now, you know? I’m sorry that you’re struggling with depression and self harm and I’m proud of you that you’re able to work!! That’s great and a big accomplishment! But please just accept that I’m currently not able to do so, even if I want to… I just can’t. I’m sorry if I disappoint you in any way with my reply and I’m sorry if I still sound ‘pitiful’, but even if this ‘excuse’ sounds pitiful to you, I can’t change anything about that right now until I’m finally away from my home and the people I live with… I’m sorry…

At first I had planned on getting on my soapbox and talking about being bi for bisexual visibility week on here. Its been such an urge since the start of the week. And then I decided y'all probably don’t want to hear all my personal shit, especially after not being very active on here lately, so I ended up tweeting this shortened version, because avoiding oversharing on here was the entire point of my twitter. And then I changed my mind again because thats who I am and I like to talk about being bi, so y'all just gotta deal ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When I was about 15 I met the first person that I knew as gay. Of course, me being the repressed bisexual back then, I found it life changing for no reason I could figure, but it still was nonetheless. He and I became quick friends, and he influenced me on the lgbt community, since for a while he was the only exposure I had. And I still remember exactly where I was, what time of the day, even the damn weather, of when he said “If you end up being queer, go for gay, bi isnt a real thing, better to be straight instead of indecisive.” And I was easy to influence because I was young and naive so of course that was, unbeknownst to me at the time, a huge shove further into denial and later on, self-hatred. And I’m not out to him. We still talk, that was the only time I’ve heard him say something like that, but I’m terrified of what he will say. This guy, that for a while was my only damn friend, my introduction to the community I would end up realizing Is My community, and he could just say I’m not valid. I don’t know what that would do to me.

But I am valid. I’ve been told I’m not pretty enough to be bi. I’ve been told I’m just hoping if theres a bigger selection I’ll find somebody that will like me. I’ve been told the classic “you’re just confused.” I’ve been told I’m just a straight trying to fit into a community. And all this plus more in less than 2 years, since I wasn’t really out to anybody but myself before that. Only been out in public for less than a year. And my hands and voice still shake when I talk about it. I still choke on the word “bisexual.” I still fall into a spiral of doubt on whether I am actually bisexual. But even though I am terrified, even though I stumble and trip, I make sure I am visible. “Stay afraid, but do it anyway” is the best goddamn advice I have ever seen, thank you Carrie Fisher. So when it is safe for me to do so, I exist openly proud. And I educate people. I explain. I make sure people understand that I am going to be bi whether they understand or not. And it helps. Yes, I’ve dealt with the assholes, but I’ve also been lucky enough to find people that will take a step back to listen, learn, and then go on and be a better ally. I am damn proud that I have had the ability to help people understand.

So tldr, what my overall point is, is that bisexuals are valid and biphobes can go fuck themselves. But also that its ok to be scared, to be confused, to take a while to figure yourself out. But be proud of who you are. You don’t have to speak up if you don’t feel comfortable or safe, nor do you have to fully commit to do it every time. Exist however you wish, but if you want to be heard, then just go for it. Existing visibly is a rebellion in of itself when we are told, even by those in our own community, that we are wrong. So wear your bisexuality proudly, or loudly, or however you damn well please, and don’t let anybody tell you that you’re wrong, because I promise you, you’re doing amazing sweetie
💗💜💙

😘✌️

I think, instead of telling kids ‘don’t do drugs, they’re bad’ we should show them the opiate withdrawal patient I had the other day

25 years old, in jail for god knows what, cops bring him in with a lac to his forehead from banging it on the wall repeatedly. He is already handcuffed so we put him in an isolation room, with sliding glass doors. Because he is in custody we take everything but the bed out of the room. 

Patient is screaming the whole time he doesn’t want to be there (same bro) with blood everywhere from the head lac. 

5min later, I hear this sickening crash, I’m pretty sure someone has just run head first into the glass doors, because mate I’ve done that before those curtains are assholes, so rounding the corner I see blood all over the glass door, patient still screaming he wants out but is now banging his head on the glass. 

It takes 4 security guards to hold this guy down, he is absolutely losing his shit, screaming and flailing and has no idea whats going on. Calling out for his mom, for Neil (???), for a sandwich, doesn’t know what day it is or just refuses to answer we can’t tell, pupils 4mm and sluggish but thats how it was when they brought him in, so security cuffs him to the bed so he can’t hit the wall. 

Fastforward 10 minutes and he has dislocated/broken his wrist trying to get out of the bed and to the door, he has puke and stool everywhere, refused to take the ativan so we gave midaz, but that didn’t touch him. 

This guy screamed from 2-7, we maxed out what we could give him for benzos and he was extraordinarily agitated and wouldn’t settle and was only in the beginning stages of withdrawals. It was terrifying, but the thing that got me was after screaming about how we took the 20′s (from his underwear??) he was quiet for a minute, I thought ‘shit the midaz finally caught up with him and now were gonna need to intubate’ but he then screams

“I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to be on drugs anymore, I want this to stop, I want to be clean, please someone help me”

And thats what got me. This guy was 25, had his whole life ahead of him, but got caught up in drugs and it was going to kill him, and he wanted out, but withdrawals were so bad that it was easier to keep using. 

Fuck telling kids don’t do drugs. Show them what its like to try to stop, how all your friends die from OD, how you are one phonecall-not-made away from death yourself, how you get to be tied to a bed in the ER and your nurses need to apologize to other patients because you can’t stop screaming and just shit yourself and puked the cookie I gave you and your body is on fire. 

Don’t just tell them not to do it, because that doesn’t work, show them what its like to try to stop, because sometimes fear works better than facts. 

Note: Throughout the day we gave him 4 of ativan, 27.5 of Midazlolam and 12 of haldol, and this guy still was still agitated and screaming and 100% inconsolable, and by that time the doc was like ‘we can’t give him anymore, but lets transfer him out before he crashes’. It was a fucking time

6

get to know me: favorite female character → the ‘avatar: the last airbender’ girls
“I’m a warrior, but I’m a girl too.”

2

We’ll wait for you Wookie <3 (08.14.2017 - May 2019)

2

I Can’t Think Straight (2008)

Context: Leyla, a Muslim British-Indian woman, is coming out to her mother, telling her “I’m gay.” Her mother reacts with horror and disgust, telling her “You’re up to your neck in sin” and going so far as to ask “Who did this to you?”

But it’s this scene that sums up the reality of LGBTQ+ desi youth. Our parents may very well love us and want the best for us, but the absolute bottom line is: our parents do not want us to be happy. They want us to be appropriate, to be respectful, to have children and well-earning careers, to fit into the mold of heteronormativity and gender roles, to be religious and pious. But no, they do not want us to be happy. Happiness doesn’t fit into it. To them, happiness is indistinguishable as a separate characteristic because according to them, doing all of these things should already be making us happy. The ideal created for desi children is that they shouldn’t strive to do what makes them happy, but what makes them “good.” Unfortunately, under this context, good is defined as anything that isn’t seen as immoral or out of the norm. 

A woman who is not straight is rejecting her role as a wife, and to a lesser extent, her role as a mother. She is rejecting the notion of subservience to men, of obedience and inferiority. Under our current system that is hugely patriarchal, a woman who does not submit is a threat. 

Now, I’m not saying desi parents are bad parents or hate their children because it’s pretty clear this happens in nearly every other culture in the world. But I am saying that desi parents do not make their children’s happiness a priority, they make their children’s success a priority: successful careers and marriages and children = successful lives. So if you ask a desi parent “do you want your kid to be happy?” they’ll immediately say “yes, of course.” But if you add on “do you want your kid to be gay if that makes them happy?” the answer will be a lot less positive.

This movie tackled Leyla’s sexuality and coming out to her parents absolutely head-on with no coyness about it. She goes straight up to her mother and admits that she’s a lesbian. But her mother’s reaction is really the thing that most “coming out” stories try to gloss over, or sugarcoat, or just in general avoid. Her mother admits with frank and brutal honesty the truth that all LGBTQ+ desi kids know: our parents would rather see us miserable and straight than queer and happy.

the foxes as things i've overheard at art camp
  • neil: i haven't slept in two days but i can still hold this pencil [pencil is shaking in hand]
  • andrew: i'm gay and i like this knife
  • kevin: my son has abandoned us for soccer— he's dead to me now
  • aaron: do you think this white pastel is actually just powdered pills solidified again
  • nicky: 'someone called me straight yesterday' <i>'i'm so sorry'</i>
  • matt: not all heroes wear capes, bro
  • dan: <i>'yeah i'm a feminist, i'm wearing pink even though i'm a guy'</i> 'that's not feminism, bitch'
  • renee: everyone is beautiful...
  • allison: ...but some people are more beautiful than others
  • seth: <i>'there's a lot of hostility going on in here, isn't there?'</i> 'oh yes, there is'
  • BONUS
  • wymack: i used to avoid them, but then i realized something— i don't give a shit what they think of me
  • abby: do not poison your body with expired plastic and chemical juice or i'll have to hold your hand all day
  • bee: aw, look at you guys with all the life crushed out of you, come chat with me about that if you want
  • jean: my goal today is to be as edgy as possible
  • jeremy: all my professors were like 'ugh, no one uses bright color in serious artwork,' and i was like 'SCREW THAT!' and used Lisa Frank colors in everything
  • riko: i want to use a dead body in my art, like in the horror movies
How season 3 will probably go
  • Eclipsa: Ahh, not so fast Star. You heard your mom, we’ve got adventures to go on Star. Just you and me, and sometimes Marco, and sometimes your dad, but NEVER your mom! You wanna know why Star? Because she CROSSED me.
  • Star: OK, take it easy, Eclipsa! Th-that's dark.
  • Eclipsa: Oh it gets darker Star... Welcome to the darkest year of your adventures. First thing that’s different, no more mom, Star. She threatened to turn me in to the magical high commission, so I made her and the commission go away...
  • Star: Ohhh fuck...
  • Eclipsa: I replaced them both as the defacto-matriarch of your family, AND your kingdom.
  • Star: Oh man...
  • Eclipsa: Mewni wouldn’t have accepted me if I came home without you. So now you know the REAL reason I rescued you.
  • Star: Ohhhh-woah...
  • Eclipsa: I JUST TOOK OVER THE KINGDOM STAR!
  • Star: Oh man.
  • Eclipsa: And if you tell your dad or your people I said any of this, I’ll DENY it. And they’ll take my side, because I’m a hero, Star. And now you’re gonna have to do whatever I say, Star, FOREVER! A-and I-I’ll go out and find some more of those B4 Snookers chocolate bars, Star.
  • Star: Wh-what are you talking about?
  • Ecliipsa: Because that’s, that's what this is all about Star!
  • Star: B4?
  • Eclipsa: Th-that’s my one arm man. I’m not driven by avenging my dead mom, Star, that was FAKE! I-I’m driven by finding those Snookers bars.
  • Star: Snookers?
  • Eclipsa: I want those Snookers bars, Star. That's my series arc, Star!
  • Star: What the hell?
  • Eclipsa: If it takes 9 seasons, I WANT MY B4 SNOOKERS CHOCOLATE BARS STAR!
  • Star: What are you talking about, Eclipsa?!
  • Eclipsa: TH-THAT’S WHAT'S GONNA TAKE US, ALL THE WAY TO THE END, STAR! SEASON, 9 MORE SEASONS, STAR! 9 MORE SEASONS UNTIL I GET THOSE SNOOKERS CHOCOLATE BARS!
  • Star: What is that?!
  • Ecliipsa: FOR 97 MORE YEARS, STAR! I WANT THOSE CHOCOLATE BARS, STAR!

lowkey pumped for camp half-blood confidential coming out in august

*
  • Naruto: Sasuke...
  • Sasuke: What
  • Naruto: Huh?
  • Naruto: Oh, nothing
  • Sasuke: You said my name
  • Naruto: Yeah, that's just something I got used to doing
  • Naruto: You know, after you left
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Naruto: Like, I'd look at our team picture... or a shooting star... or get really tired while training
  • Naruto: And then remember you and then, uh
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Naruto: Sometimes Sakura, Kakashi, Sai, or, like, someone would say something and it just reminded me of, of you, uh
  • Naruto: It's- rhe- rhe-
  • Sasuke: Rhetorical
  • Naruto: Un, that
  • Naruto: I said 'Sasuke' a lot, like, these past few years but you were never around and, um, I never expect anyone to respond because you're the only Sasuke I know and everyone else is, like, used to it so they don't say anything anyways and, and
  • Naruto: Stop looking at me like that, teme!
  • Naruto: It's all your fault, ya know
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Sasuke: Actually dobe, I don't know...
  • Sasuke: where to begin
  • Sasuke: What am I to you, again?
  • Naruto: *mutters* and he calls me an idiot
  • Naruto: How many times do I have to say it
  • Naruto: You're my friend
  • Sasuke: And...?
  • Naruto: My goal, my most important person, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, yatta yatta, we've been over this a million times already
  • Sasuke: *grinding his teeth and clenching his fists* so how do you. Feel. When we're together.
  • Naruto: Oh, uh
  • Naruto: It's really weird
  • Naruto: I get all giddy and, like, my stomach gets all... Twisty? Probably because you piss me off. Yeah, that's why my heart goes all *flails wildly* like that
  • Sasuke: I... See...
  • Sasuke: And do you feel that way about anyone else?
  • Naruto: Of course not
  • Naruto: You're my one and only
  • Naruto: uh
  • Naruto: friend
  • Naruto: Best Friend*
  • Sasuke: ...
  • Sasuke: Naruto
  • Naruto: Hm?
  • Sasuke: I'm leaving the village
  • Naruto: What?! Again?! WHY??
  • Sasuke: Let's call it a journey of redemption
  • Naruto: Redemption??
  • Naruto: Teme you're not... Like, no offense, but you don't feel guilty for anything, right? Because you didn't do anything without a good reason so...
  • Sasuke: Let's just say that
  • Sasuke: I'm 'guilty' in the same manner that you think we're just friends
  • Naruto: Huh?
  • Naruto: What does that mean?
  • Naruto: Sasuke, where are you going?
  • Sasuke: I have to pack. Good bye, my one and only
  • Sasuke: friend*

Ya’ll know what I want? I want a scene where Pidge for whatever reason is all dolled up in a cute dress, with her hair nicely brushed and maybe some makeup (Most likely thanks to Allura), and I want Lance to walk past her, not recognize her, do a double take, and go flirt with her, all like ‘Well, Hello there, Pretty lady’, and for Pidge to just scream because she doesnt know what to do, and then Lance starts screaming because he realizes he just hit on Pidge.