that's a joke for my dad

i felt like i was left at the altar

Polydads

Also on ao3

Based on a post that @catsforartists made!

—–

When Amanda woke up, she decided to crawl out of bed to get a bowl of cereal. And eat it on the couch, of course.

“Ain’t nothing beat couch cereal.” She declared to the empty room and dug into her delicious and dangerously sugary cereal.

Almost immediately after taking a bite out of her cereal, she heard footsteps coming from her dad’s room, but, when she glanced up, she saw Damien walking by her.

“Good morning, Amanda dear.” Damien greeted.

“Mornin.” Amanda responded. She KNEW it. Her dad and Damien had been getting pretty close, so it wasn’t a completely wild assumption that they would start dating. And, of course, the footsteps she heard must be…

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percystilinski  asked:

it's the lil nct mark anon (not really anon anymore) here :-) could you do nct mark best friends to lovers? THANK UU 💓

find others: ten 

  • you and mark meet because of mark’s dislike for science
  • literally,,,,you meet him because you’re assigned to tutor him and on the first day he’s like trying to be sweet and nodding along to what you say but you can see the complete confusion in his eyes
  • and you sigh because,,,,mark are you getting any of this???
  • and with the most unsuspecting smile he’s like nope :) dear god im going to fail chemistry aren’t i :)
  • and you’re like oK lets not jump to conclusions im sure we can make this work and mark just presses his forehead to the desk and groans and you’re like dude,,,,,we just,,,,,we just need to make you like chemistry - it’s not so bad
  • mark’s grumbling voice: id rather spend the eternity of my life locked in a room with haechan than look at another number
  • you: ok it’s not the ba-
  • mark: literally. eternity. in. a. room. with. haechan. throw in taeil with his bad dad jokes thats how much i dont want to do or see or hEAR about chemical equations and what not ever
  • you realize that it’ll be tough,,,but at the same time mark is too nice and hardworking to just fall through the cracks so you commit yourself to finding some way to get him to like science
  • and after trial and error, looking up ‘cats do science’ videos on youtube to making slideshows with animated dancing h2o structures 
  • you finally get through and tbh,,,,mark doesn’t fail his final. he gets just enough to pass,,,,but hey it all turned out well in the end
  • and you and mark pretty much bond because you put in effort to help him and without you he’d probably would have given up,,,,and mark likes being around you
  • you guys are both the laid back, silly type with matching sense of humor and an appreciation for just minding your own businesses
  • like once ten had come over just to tell mark about the Drama and you and mark had just blinked up @ him like,,,,what do you mean??? and ten was just like WOW YOU GUYS DONT PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING DO YOu
  • and mark had just shrugged and you’d just nodded because,,,,,,what did it matter?? what other people were doing and mark had agreed and ten had just rolled his eyes and stormed off
  • but basically,,,even when you’re done being his tutor you’ve become one of his closest friends
  • which is why when you end up accidentally breaking your ankle and get set up in the hospital for a couple of days 
  • aside from all your usual friends,,,mark shows up and sheepishly admits that he’d taken the time to visit all your teachers and get you the homework and notes
  • and he looks adorable holding the stack of books in his arms,,,and you’re like laughing into your palm because dammit mark this was supposed to be your chance to get away from schoolwork
  • and he gets panicky because ohH,,,,he didn’t know???? but you’re just giggling like im joking thanks so much
  • the relief is obvious as mark grins and sets down the books,,,sitting beside you and scrunching up his nose
  • and you’re like what??? does the hospital smell weird??
  • but mark leans forward and carefully flicks the center of your forehead and you’re like !
  • and he’s pulling back,,,,,,cheeks tinted pink but the same nose scrunch and he’s like “why’d you go and be dumb,,,,breaking your ankle,,,,,what did you do - trip over air?”
  • and you’re like HEY i tripped over something legitimate ok don’t be mean I was the one who tutored you mark lee
  • he sticks his tongue out and you do the same,,,,both of you end up chuckling anyway
  • and you jokingly tell mark not to worry you’ll be fine soon
  • but to your surprise he promises to visit you tomorrow too and you’re like don’t worry about it but,,,,,mark is more adamant than you’ve ever seen
  • and like he promised he’s back the next day,,,,this time shyly he pulls something from his backpack and it’s a stuffed puppy??? 
  • he places it in your lap and he’s like “it’s a gift,,,,,so you feel better” and you pick it up and smile and you’re like it’s so cute!!! it looks like you mark!!
  • and he’s like gfdhkflsjjf did ,,,, they just call me cute but also he’s like you need to name it
  • and you’re like let’s name it together!!!!
  • and again mentally,,,mark is probably dying but he’s like ok,,,,how about,,,,,
  • you think for a minute and you’re like you know how you’re from canada lets name him maple leaf
  • and mark is like ThATS ,,,, CHEESY but you’re like I LIKE IT i like maple leaf
  • you dont see it but mark bites back his lip,,,,watching you look happily at the toy because ok,,,,,what the hell why are you so cute
  • it’s so much that mark excuses himself for the day
  • and the next afternoon he’s back and the doctor mentions you’ll be discharged soon with a cast and mark is like that’s exciting, can i be the first to sign and you’re like sure!!!
  • and when you do get your cast mark takes out a pen and after a second he scribbles something
  • when you lean over you read it and you almost freeze because there it is,,,,,in green sharpie pen: ‘don’t break anything anymore,,,,,i like you too much so protect yourself!”
  • and you look up at mark whose turned cherry red and he’s like i- i don-dont-
  • and you’re like,,,,,do you mean you like him very much in a friend way?? 
  • mark shakes his head,,,hiding his eyes behind his hair and playing with his fingers and you feel your heart do a little leap
  • and you’re like mark,,,come here
  • listening to you he shuffles closer and you mumble for him to close his eyes and you can see his lips quiver but you also can see the smile he’s holding back
  • but instead of kissing him you bring maple leafs lips up to marks and he’s like !!!!! opening his eyes and touching his lips and you laugh
  • making mark scrunch up his nose again and he’s like not funny,,,,and you’re like ok ok but come here i do want to kiss you for real
  • ,,,,,,when you do kiss him you can feel the smile against your skin,,,,the way mark hesitates but slowly brings his hand up to cup your cheek and it’s cute,,,,,
  • but then the doctor comes in and mark jumps back and is a blubbering mess while the doctor is just like oo do u two need another minute hehe
2

Chloe’s a savage
Close enough?
(Bad Cheetos pun from my lame boyfriend <3)

Ok so I’m on my first date with Damien (Goth Dad) and I’m not saying he’s on the spectrum…but he totally is on the spectrum. He info-dumps about his special interest (the Victorian Era), doesn’t really catch on when people aren’t that interested (also very common in autistic people), is slow to catch on a joke (social cue interpretation issues), seen as a bit of a “weirdo”…and thats just the first date

so what I’m trying to say is, I totally hc Damien as autistic

beautiful in chicago 2017

i was going to do one immediately, and then i didn’t and i deleted the original lab report type post, but then the photo op pics came out and this happened:

so i thought, yeah. i’m going to write a small fanaccount of how i have an irl crush on minhyuk and lost my shit at the mx concert bc i love 7 boys and a long legged weird one a bit more. (i look at hot mess in that photo and way too excited i’m sorry :D)

some videos and pictures have been posted here, but all of my media has been posted on my twitter 

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Shawn's Montreal Q&A Breakdown
  • Shawn said he would love to hear Alicia Keys do a cover of Ruin if he could get any celeb to cover one of his songs
  • Q: What's your perspective on love and what does it mean to you?
  • A: I think love is so raw you can't be specific about it and there's so many ways to feel, see, and hear love. In life, emotions can't be too certain and to truly feel love you have to know what it's like to be upset and hurt. I don't really think there's much explanation for it. It's the best emotion"
  • Q: favorite thing about touring?
  • A: the fast paced, moving to a different city everyday, lifestyle. It's exciting and fun.
  • "When I'm nervous, I have a punching bag in my room, I blast Kanye West and I hit the bag really hard."
  • Q: if you could go back and watch one concert what would it be?
  • A: Jimi Hnedrix at Woodstock
  • Q: First concert and what age?
  • A: Believe it or not, I was 14 and it was Aerosmith.
  • Q: how do you feel about your birthday being the same day as international cat day?
  • A: I didn't know that, that's awesome.
  • Q: favorite animal
  • A: Elephant( Shawn said in a previous Q&A that him & his mom will get matching elephant tattoos )
  • Q: goals for the next 5 years?
  • A: to stay consistent and keep producing quality and the rest will come.
  • Q: What's your favorite dad joke?
  • A: idk i don't really have a list off the top of my head. Is that a thing?
  • Q: Will you play in Ottawa?
  • A: Yeah, I will
  • Q: have you ever googled yourself?
  • A: All the time!!
  • Q: what's your favorite song to play?
  • A: this is my most asked question and it's always Bad Reputation
  • Q: what album do you prefer to play?
  • A: Illuminate since it's pretty new to me
Me as a mother kpop style part2
  • Daughter: mum who's this?
  • *points to an old bias group poster*
  • Me: well that's *bias group*
  • Daughter: he's cute *points to bias*
  • Dad: thanks sweetie😊
  • Daughter: ....
  • Me: .....
  • Daughter: ewwwwwww!
  • Dad: jk jk she doesn't even speak his language *starts laughing*
  • Me: you're sleeping on the couch tonight
  • Dad: ..*stops laughing*..
  • Daughter: ???????
8

prouddads.png

(click on pictures for better view)

Dealing with finishing Deus Ex: Mankind Divided by imagining the most ridiculous Team TF29 meets Team Sarif scenarios :^)

Wet

Summary: These pranks are getting pretty out of hand… Enough said.

Pairing: Warren x Reader

Warnings: It might be intense fluff, it might be light smut… Who knows? Swearing, as always.

A/N: Currently super pissed off at tumblr right now. I had like 3 stories I was going to publish today and they all got deleted, so that was fun. If you guys have any alternatives to tumblr drafts could you message me bc I’m legit so lost… 😱 Sorry that this is super late. You guys should request for sure because this writer’s block is killing me. 😭 😭 

Originally posted by snarling-through-our-smiles


“Shit!” You gasped as you felt the icy water soak through your clothes. In an instant, you felt another balloon explode against you, drenching you once more. “What the fuck?”

You wiped the water from your eyes, shivering against the wind. You had just come out of the mansion with Jubilee, heading to the pond for a nice, relaxing lunch with Jean, Scott, and Kurt. Instead, the moment you stepped outside, you were attacked. 

“Nice!” 

You looked up to find Warren and Peter, perched in a tree with a bucket of water balloons. They hi-fived before Warren swooped down and Peter skidded to a stop at your left side with a cool gust of wind. 

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2

Final Keith Silverstein comic strip to complete the series of jokes I wanted to get off my chest. This time, it’s their sons talking about their Silverstein-voiced evil dads.

Also always wanted to put in the “that’s rough buddy” quote in, except Akechi would say it in a different meaning if you knew your *cough*pancakes**cough*cough*.

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4

Several Ways to Come Out

The joke edition of course, what else would you expect from me?

1. What do you call a bisexual out of the closet? Me!

2. Hey mom you know what my name would be if I were a japanese lawyer? Ace Attorney.

3. Dad what do the main girl from Camp Rock and I have in common? We’re both demi’s.

4. You see me stroking my pair of pants? Thats because im pantsexual.

5. “Why do you have the word ‘girls’ written on your takeout?”
“Oh cause i like to eat them out”

10

*Allura, Coran & the other paladins facepalming in the background*

so you know that one scene in Kung Fu Panda 3 where Po meets his biological dad for the first time? Yeah.

@the-euglassia-watsonia, thank you for egging me on to do this it was so worth it.

❣reasons i love yoongi❣

ofc theres many but here are some of them bc i really love him and its still vday here and hes officially my valentine so

  • the smile but thats kinda obvious
  • his voice is so calming
  • but when he gets a lil excited/hyper he lowkey starts to scream
  • smol but ready to (literally) kick someone’s butt 24/7
  • rap god yoongi
  • how he has a special relationship with every member!!
  • his english!! is so!! good!! srsly he knows so many random words
  • his random knowledge too!
  • how he teases seokjin for his dad puns
  • but is exactly the same 
  • apart from that he’s the king of comedy and whenever he jokes i talk about it for the next 5 days which means i never shut up
  • inventor of singing
  • how he’s so professional when talking about music/equipment 
  • how in bv he remembered to pack the first aid kit/painkillers
  • and cooked for the members
  • photographer yoongi
  • how he seems to enjoy travelling a lot
  • his love for holly
  • the mixtape
  • king of black turtlenecks
  • and black outfits in general
  • how he works his ass off :) 
  • mama 2k16 
  • cutest selfies in bangtan fight me
  • soft tummy
  • sope 
  • how he sometimes growls when rapping amazing
  • pouty
  • his “say what” every 2 seconds when performing live
  • how he’s so attached to the grey beanie
  • and looks so good wearing any type of hats in general
  • when he said he would stay home and read all the books he could as a teenager
  • marie claire photoshoot
  • and every other photoshoot lets be real here
  • iconic tweets
  • the japanese interview
  • “when can we leave”
  • pink silky pjs aka the look of 2k16
  • cheats in most games possible
  • also dumb excuses
  • “i get blushy after one shot of soju”
  • glasses yoongi
  • how he loves being carried
  • dt gloss
  • how he doesnt care if he has to dress up as a girl anymore
  • how he once said he feels like crying during every show
  • ARMYYYYYYY
  • he’s the softest smiley squish
  • srsly hes so soft 
  • and makes me soso happy
JOKE OF THE DAY
  • Little Girl : Mom, what's this ?
  • (***she pulled down her pants***)
  • Mom : That's your garage, don't let boys put their car into your garage.
  • Next Door Little Boy : Dad what's this?
  • (***he pulls down his pants***)
  • Dad : That's your car, you need to put that into a girl's garage.
  • (***He nods and hops off***)
  • Little girl walks in with her hands covered with blood..
  • Mom : What happened!?
  • Little Girl : The boy from next door tried to put his car into my garage so I pulled off it's wheels.