that's a joke for my dad

2

Chloe’s a savage
Close enough?
(Bad Cheetos pun from my lame boyfriend <3)

Me as a mother kpop style part2
  • Daughter: mum who's this?
  • *points to an old bias group poster*
  • Me: well that's *bias group*
  • Daughter: he's cute *points to bias*
  • Dad: thanks sweetie😊
  • Daughter: ....
  • Me: .....
  • Daughter: ewwwwwww!
  • Dad: jk jk she doesn't even speak his language *starts laughing*
  • Me: you're sleeping on the couch tonight
  • Dad: ..*stops laughing*..
  • Daughter: ???????
❣reasons i love yoongi❣

ofc theres many but here are some of them bc i really love him and its still vday here and hes officially my valentine so

  • the smile but thats kinda obvious
  • his voice is so calming
  • but when he gets a lil excited/hyper he lowkey starts to scream
  • smol but ready to (literally) kick someone’s butt 24/7
  • rap god yoongi
  • how he has a special relationship with every member!!
  • his english!! is so!! good!! srsly he knows so many random words
  • his random knowledge too!
  • how he teases seokjin for his dad puns
  • but is exactly the same 
  • apart from that he’s the king of comedy and whenever he jokes i talk about it for the next 5 days which means i never shut up
  • inventor of singing
  • how he’s so professional when talking about music/equipment 
  • how in bv he remembered to pack the first aid kit/painkillers
  • and cooked for the members
  • photographer yoongi
  • how he seems to enjoy travelling a lot
  • his love for holly
  • the mixtape
  • king of black turtlenecks
  • and black outfits in general
  • how he works his ass off :) 
  • mama 2k16 
  • cutest selfies in bangtan fight me
  • soft tummy
  • sope 
  • how he sometimes growls when rapping amazing
  • pouty
  • his “say what” every 2 seconds when performing live
  • how he’s so attached to the grey beanie
  • and looks so good wearing any type of hats in general
  • when he said he would stay home and read all the books he could as a teenager
  • marie claire photoshoot
  • and every other photoshoot lets be real here
  • iconic tweets
  • the japanese interview
  • “when can we leave”
  • pink silky pjs aka the look of 2k16
  • cheats in most games possible
  • also dumb excuses
  • “i get blushy after one shot of soju”
  • glasses yoongi
  • how he loves being carried
  • dt gloss
  • how he doesnt care if he has to dress up as a girl anymore
  • how he once said he feels like crying during every show
  • ARMYYYYYYY
  • he’s the softest smiley squish
  • srsly hes so soft 
  • and makes me soso happy
Several Ways to Come Out

The joke edition of course, what else would you expect from me?

1. What do you call a bisexual out of the closet? Me!

2. Hey mom you know what my name would be if I were a japanese lawyer? Ace Attorney.

3. Dad what do the main girl from Camp Rock and I have in common? We’re both demi’s.

4. You see me stroking my pair of pants? Thats because im pantsexual.

5. “Why do you have the word ‘girls’ written on your takeout?”
“Oh cause i like to eat them out”

Wet

Summary: These pranks are getting pretty out of hand… Enough said.

Pairing: Warren x Reader

Warnings: It might be intense fluff, it might be light smut… Who knows? Swearing, as always.

A/N: Currently super pissed off at tumblr right now. I had like 3 stories I was going to publish today and they all got deleted, so that was fun. If you guys have any alternatives to tumblr drafts could you message me bc I’m legit so lost… 😱 Sorry that this is super late. You guys should request for sure because this writer’s block is killing me. 😭 😭 

Originally posted by snarling-through-our-smiles


“Shit!” You gasped as you felt the icy water soak through your clothes. In an instant, you felt another balloon explode against you, drenching you once more. “What the fuck?”

You wiped the water from your eyes, shivering against the wind. You had just come out of the mansion with Jubilee, heading to the pond for a nice, relaxing lunch with Jean, Scott, and Kurt. Instead, the moment you stepped outside, you were attacked. 

“Nice!” 

You looked up to find Warren and Peter, perched in a tree with a bucket of water balloons. They hi-fived before Warren swooped down and Peter skidded to a stop at your left side with a cool gust of wind. 

Keep reading

10

*Allura, Coran & the other paladins facepalming in the background*

so you know that one scene in Kung Fu Panda 3 where Po meets his biological dad for the first time? Yeah.

@the-euglassia-watsonia, thank you for egging me on to do this it was so worth it.

(35) Ignis’ pick-up lines.

Ignis: …
Ignis: Wow, Gladio. You look terribly hot from up here. ;)
Gladio: …
Gladio: Iggy, it’s not the appropiate moment. Now you two try to get down.

Math & Dinner Dates - Scott McCall

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

Requested: Could you do another imagine like the one you recently did for Stiles where he confesses his love for you, but with Scott this time?

Summary: (Y/N) displays not only her sass but her knowledge in class leading to Scott asking for some help. After a few close calls Scott finally vents to (Y/N) his feelings.


“Does anyone know the answer? No one?” I sat next to Scott, my best friend since we were 2, deep in thought. I wonder how Dereks doing… I miss him… always bossing everyone around and making snarky remarks. I bet ya he’s eating baguettes with some really hot supernatural being that we don’t even know of. He was the best non-blood related big brother anyone could have. And I’m sure he looked at me as an annoying younger sister. I smiled to myself thinking about the old days when Scott had just been given ‘the gift’. 

“Is something funny, Miss (Y/L/N)?” I snapped out of my day dream and looked at Mr Trin, the maths substitute teacher. 

“No.” I mumbled.

“Oh, then you wouldn’t mind giving me the answer to the question on the board then.” He says as he leans on my desk. I smile sarcastically at him and give him a gesture shooing him to the side so I could see the question. 

“It’s a trick question. The answer is 0, just like the amount of tolerance I have for this class.” I smile sweetly at him as the class laughs a low rumble. Mr Trin stood dumbfounded, while I saw most of the class with their eyes wide staring at me as I was probably the last person they’d expect that from. 


“Damn, (Y/N)” I heard a voice from behind me as I strode out the class room. I look behind me and see Scott chasing after me laughing. “Didn’t know you had it in you!” Scott smiled. “But, on another note; you’re good at math?” He questioned.

“Surprisingly, yeah.” I giggle. 

“Would you mind if I came over tonight and you helped me out? I’m getting like 40%’s but told mum I’m getting 80%’s.” Scott winced slightly.

“Yeah, come over after school. Anything to ease Melissa’s stress.” I giggle. Melissa was like a second mum to me and I worried about how much pressure she was under with work, financial bills, Scott and his supernatural abilities, etc.


“No, you have to multiply it and then divide it. Here,” I say and demonstrate to Scott how to do the equation. I had only just noticed how close we were and we looked at one another before quickly moving apart and I did an awkward cough.

“I think thats enough maths for one night.” Scott said as he stood up ready to leave until we heard the front door open and close and in walked my dad.

“Oh, Scott. You’re here for dinner I presume.” He smiles.

“Oh, no I was just abou-”

“Nonsense. I bought way too much meat anyway.” He says with a wink. 

“Daaadd.” I whine with a slight giggle. Dad had just found out a few weeks ago about Scott’s werewolf abilities and he wont stop making jokes about raw meat or asking questions about being on heat. 

“You two go settle down while I put it on. Should be ready in 20.” He smiles and Scott puts his bag back down. 

“Come on, then.” I say as we walk up the stairs to my bedroom. 


“Why are we watching this again? It’s so sad!” I sniffle.

“You picked it, (Y/N).” Scott said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, but still!” Scott giggles and wraps an arm around me as I snuggle deep into his chest to comfort myself. After a while I begin to feel his gaze on me and I look up meeting his eyes.

“What?”

“You’re just impossibly good at everything. You even look cute crying.”

“Oh, shut up. Everyones an ugly crier.” I laugh through my tears. Scott’s hand reaches up to my cheeks and he wipes away my tears. We begin to slowly lean into one another until dad calls us down for dinner. We pull apart again and make our way downstairs. 


“Thank you for dinner, Mr (Y/L/N). It was actually amazing!” Scott smiled. “I really must be going though. Mum finishes her shift in 30 minutes and I should be home.”

“Well, its been a pleasure.” My dad smiles and I stand up to lead Scott out. 

“Thanks for helping me with math by the way.” Scott smiles.

“All good…” I lead off as we awkwardly look at one another feeling an unusual tension in the air. “Ill see you tomorrow then.” 

“Yeah” Scott smiles uncomfortably before walking off. I go to close the door and then its gets stopped last second and pushed back open. “Okay, no. I have to say this. (Y/N), I’ve been in love with you for the past few months. Every time I look at you I just feel the need to be near you. I haven’t felt this way with anyone ever before. It’s insane. I just want to hold you and make sure you’re being treated right. Because you deserve the best. Better then the best, even. I know I’m rambling but I just can’t help it. I-” I quickly press my lips to Scotts and we share a deep intimate kiss. 

“I love you too” I whisper barely pulling away from him. We laugh and kiss again before I pull away and smirk at him. “See you tomorrow, lover boy.” I wink and close the door immediately pressing my back to it and closing my eyes, taking in a deep breath. I squeal softly and re-open my eyes, only to see my dad standing there sipping a cup of tea before he walks into the next door room. I smile and roll my eyes before running up to bed eager for it to be tomorrow already. 

BTS Reaction to finding out you are pregnant

Thanks to the person who requested this. Also the spring day MV is so good I’m dead. - EM xx

Namjoon: He would be so exited all smiles. “Omigosh babe that’s so great this is great. I’m finally gonna be a real dad. Our baby will be the best.” He would immediately crouch down to talk to the baby and give your stomach a kiss.

Originally posted by kths

Seokjin: He would be so happy and want to tell all his band members a soon as possible to show of that he was finally going to be a dad not a mum ;). “Ah I will make sure our child learns all my great jokes Jaygi!”

Originally posted by gukiee

Hoseok: He would be so excited. “Ahh I’m going to be a dad!!”. He might be a bit nervous worrying if he would be a good father but he would almost be too happy to care.

Originally posted by jimiyoong

Yoongi: He wouldn’t scream and cheer because thats just not how he is but he would have a cool smile on his face. “This is great y/n, although I don’t know if I’m ready for the nighttime wake-ups.”

Originally posted by mn-yg

Taehyung: He would be determined to be the best dad possible. “This is such great news jagi! I will be the best parent ever to parent. Just you wait.

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Jimin: Jimin would walk over and give you a hug. He wouldn’t know how to express his words he would be so happy. “I will love our baby as much as a love you, and thats a lot y/n,”

Originally posted by bwipsul

Jungkook: He might be a bit suprised because he is quite young himself but only worried he wouldn’t do a good enough job as a father. “I am very pleased jagi, I wasn’t planning on being a father yet but I will love any child of ours more than is humanly possible.”

Originally posted by hohbi

anonymous asked:

hey dad, i'm a trans lady and i kinda want to change my name, but to something that's more or less the feminized version of my deadname. am i dumb? is this idea dumb?

I know that the old, cruel, cishet half-joke goes, “Did ya’ hear? Samantha used to be Samuel, if you catch my drift,” but the thing is, you’re not a joke. You’re a living, breathing, human woman, and so it isn’t your job to avoid what might look like stereotypes from an outsider’s perspective. It’s your job to survive and be happy, and if part of that means a “cliché” name change, who the hell and/or fuck cares.

Change your name to something that’s going to make you comfortable and content. I don’t care if it’s the feminine version of your deadname, or a name your parents picked for you, or a name you got from your favourite show. It’s doesn’t have to feel good for or sound right to anybody but you. Do what you’ve got to do to take care of yourself, babe.

JOKE OF THE DAY
  • Little Girl : Mom, what's this ?
  • (***she pulled down her pants***)
  • Mom : That's your garage, don't let boys put their car into your garage.
  • Next Door Little Boy : Dad what's this?
  • (***he pulls down his pants***)
  • Dad : That's your car, you need to put that into a girl's garage.
  • (***He nods and hops off***)
  • Little girl walks in with her hands covered with blood..
  • Mom : What happened!?
  • Little Girl : The boy from next door tried to put his car into my garage so I pulled off it's wheels.
  • my parents, on the phone with me: yeah, we'll be home around ten
  • me: *glances at the clock (it's 7pm)* wait, really? that's early
  • my parents: ...should we come home earlier?
  • me: no no it's just surprisingly early, i thought you'd be home at 11 earliest
  • my parents: oh no we'll probably be home in about three hours
  • my dad: why? are you gonna throw a party?
  • me, in my head: WE SHOULD THROW A KEGGER
  • WE SHOULD DEFINITELY THROW A KEGGER
  • FOR THREE HOURS
  • UNTIL YOUR MOM GETS HOME
  • me out loud: ha ha very funny

anonymous asked:

since everyone's asking you depressing stuff for the ghost!laurens au, heres a lighter question lmao ,, do phillip and john have any inside jokes? or like if hamilton is talking about something serious like work or something and john just goes "thats what she said" and phillip juST BURSTS OUT LAUGHING and ham is like ??

oH MY GOSH YES.

John’s primary goal is to make Philip crack up at the most inappropriate times possible, he’s messed up more than a few lessons and dates, let me tell you.

Philip is a sucker for innuendos. Even when the joke doesn’t actually make sense, if it sounds the slightest bit dirty, he loses it. Alexander is the same way, so when Philip hears a really good one, he waits for the opportune moment to use it on his dad and they both end up rolling on the floor in tears while Eliza and Angelica (his sister) scold them.

8

prouddads.png

(click on pictures for better view)

Dealing with finishing Deus Ex: Mankind Divided by imagining the most ridiculous Team TF29 meets Team Sarif scenarios :^)