that's a big fat lie right there

A simple guide on how not to get punched in the face
  • Right: I am a heterosexual/cisgender/queer/genderqueer person and I can't imagine myself being any other way! I have never once felt the need to reconsider my sexuality and/or gender!
  • Wrong: I am a heterosexual/cisgender/queer/genderqueer person and if you're not doing it my way then you're wrong, because clearly if I can't imagine myself being any other way than neither can you!!!!111!1!!1!1!
  • Right: You're not my race/religion/sexuality/gender/level of physical ability? Cool, bro. Doesn't matter. Let's hang out sometime, yeah?
  • Wrong: You're not my race/religion/sexuality/gender/level of physical ability? OMG UR NOT LIKE ME LOL WE GUNNA SINGLE YOU OUT AND TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT LOLLOLOLOLO!lO!lOl!O!l!OL!Ol1Ll!L1!!!
  • Right: Pride events are open and welcoming to everyone!
  • Wrong: Pride events are open and welcoming to everyone *judgmental whisper* except bisexuals and nonbinary people.
  • Right: I'll totally use your preferred pronouns! No prob, yo!
  • Wrong: Hey you did something to annoy me so I'm going to completely invalidate your gender identity and ignore your preferred pronouns out of protest until you apologize.
  • Right: Dude, let's just respect that we have different skin colors and get over it. Just skin. You're my friend no matter what color you are. Same goes for everyone.
  • Wrong: Ferguson
  • Right: Oh, she's wearing a hijab. *goes up to her* I love that fabric! Do you like floral? Me too! That's so cool. You have amazing taste.
  • Wrong: Oh, she's wearing a hijab. *goes up to her* GET OUT OF HERE TERRORIST, YOU DON'T BELONG AWAY FROM THE MIDDLE EAST
  • Right: *sees a disabled person and treats them like a normal friend albeit offering help when they need it/ask for it*
  • Wrong: *sees a disabled person* Are you retarded/lame/stupid/etc.? Allow me to baby you and treat you like you can't do anything by yourself.
  • Right: *sees someone struggling with a particular mental disorder (e.g. having a panic attack) and politely asks if there's anything I can do to help*
  • Wrong: *sees someone struggling with a particular mental disorder and immediately assumes that I know everything about how to deal with this and that other people don't know shit*
  • Right: Peace/equality/happiness
  • Wrong: Judgment/discrimination/violence
  • Right: Tomorrow
  • Wrong: Today
Revenge Of The Bridesmaids || Starter Pack
  • "I have a little problem with authority."
  • "We did it all for her/him, really we did."
  • "My..don't you think a lot?"
  • "But first, a mandatory party where every living relative can ask us why we aren't married or famous yet."
  • "I can't, I'm in heels."
  • "I'm getting married."
  • "I'm guessing you haven't talked to her in a while?"
  • "You used to have big ears and a slutty sister."
  • "I was brought up well?"
  • "That's an airtight plan."
  • "It's a business transaction."
  • "Gold digging is a young person's game."
  • "Sex for money? Good to see traditional marriage is alive and well."
  • "Tell her a she witch stole the love of her life? I think she knows that."
  • "It's wrong! It's evil!"
  • "I'm highly intuitive."
  • "Three thousand years of watching romantic comedies and it's all a big stinkin' lie!"
  • "Action movies have it right."
  • "That's what you need to make love work. A ruthless SWAT team with guns!"
  • "He/she is a trap. There's like three hundred of them in every hometown."
  • "Nice, regular guy, unpretentious..You got out on one day and all of a sudden you wake up ten years later with six kids, a fat ass and ugly pink sweatpants."
  • "You like him/her.. You really really like him/her."
  • "Okay no more wine for you."
  • "If anyone deserves to be knocked down a couple pegs, it's ____."
  • "We are sophisticated babes from _______."
  • "To love, to ______, to the defeat of the third reich!"
  • "I like seeing you rattle, it's cute."
  • "There's something I've learned in life.. you can never have too many cherubs."
  • "Why do all of your plans involve me sleeping with someone?"
  • "Breakfast is in half an hour on the east porch."
  • "I'm just trying to get a little background on the woman/man I'm walking down the aisle with."
  • "I'll get you proof, miss skeptical no-butt."
  • "Do you hate me that much?"
  • "I'm trying not to think anymore. Just doing what I have to do."
  • "I like cake all cake. Cake and me, we just get along"
  • "You ditched 'I Love The 80's' karaoke two nights in a row."
  • "How was the date with the cop? Did he frisk you?"
  • "Excellent, a plan that involves our vast wilderness skill set"
  • "You're southern, sweetie, it's not your fault."
  • "I don't mind a loveless marriage but I will not tolerate anything less than a perfect wedding."
  • "That's the biggest one I've ever seen."
  • "Complicated? Hey, your man/woman's not marrying somebody else in 24 hours."
  • "You are full of tea up to your eyeballs, you gotta go sooner or later."
  • "This is about love. Don't you care about love?"
  • "Do you know how much I've been thinking about you the last few days?"
  • "I hate pillow fights."
  • "If you had wings you should be an angel... or nasty-ass dragon.."
  • "But if we don’t kill her she’ll just come back."
  • "What's love have to do with marriage? Marriage is an arrangement."
  • "I arranged for ____ to believe that I was pregnant."
  • "I have something to tell you..and it's horrible to say but um --"
  • "Family fortune's gone."
  • "There might be some lean years."
  • "What about the baby?"
  • "So we're not getting married?"
  • "Could you spend your life with me? No big wedding, nothing glamorous. Just you and me?"
  • "Will you marry me?"
  • "Looks like you might have to stick around town for a while."