that you told me a lie

Fake Date || A.A.

Originally posted by jughead-thethird

Word Count: 1283

Pairing: Archie x reader

Summary: When your sister tries to set you up with everyone under the moon, you impulsively lie to her saying that you have a date when you really don’t. Archie saves the day and is your date to your sister’s wedding.

Warnings: like one cuss word, lying, weddings, kissing

Requested: Nope me just me being in my Archie feels

Keep reading

Life lessons

Okay guys, i have determined that my parents give me the weirdest advise/ lessons on the planet, cause just today my mom and I were in the car, and qe were talking when she told me,
“Schninner, you need to work on lieing more.”
“I’m sorry, I need to do WHAT?”
“I mean, You need to cover up your tracks better!”
Last summer, when I was at my dad’s house, HE FREAKEN SHOWED ME HOW TO HOTWIRE A CAR!
Now, dont be alarmed, it was his own car. But it still baffles me, cause what had posessed him to think, “ya know what sounds like some good fatherly daughter bonding time? Teaching my kid how to hotwire a car.”

rules: you can only say guilty or innocent. you are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you or asks you.

tagged by @chonku (i cant believe el’s secret agenda is to expose me)

asked someone to marry you:  innocent
kissed one of your friends: innocent
danced on a table in a bar or tavern:  innocent
ever told a lie:  guilty
had feelings for someone whom you can’t have:  guilty
ever kissed someone of the opposite sex:  innocent
ever kissed someone of the same sex:  innocent
kissed a picture:  guilty
slept in until 5pm: innocent
fallen asleep at work or school: guilty
held a snake: guilty
been suspended from school:  innocent
stolen something: innocent
done something you regret: guilty
laughed until what you were drinking came out of your nose:  guilty

caught a snowflake on your tongue: guilty

sat on a roof top: guilty

sang in the shower:  guilty

been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: guilty
slept naked:  innocent
made a boy friend/girl friend cry:  innocent
been in a band: innocent
shot a gun: guilty
donated blood:  innocent
eaten alligator meat:  guilty
eaten cheesecake:  guilty
still loved someone you shouldn’t:  guilty
have/had a tattoo:  innocent

been too honest:  guilty

ruined a surprise: guilty

ate in a restaurant and got so bloated you can’t walk after: innocent

erased someone in your friends list:  guilty
dressed in a man’s clothes: guilty
dressed in a woman’s clothes: guilty

joined a pageant:  innocent

been told you’re beautiful by someone who meant it: guilty

still have communication with your ex: innocent

cheated on someone: innocent

got totally drunk the night before an important exam:  innocent

a total stranger treated you by paying your fare: guilty
got so angry that you cried: innocent

tried to stay away from someone for their own good: guilty
actually murdered someone:  innocent

thought about mass murder:  innocent
actually committed a mass murder:  innocent

rode in a stranger’s vehicle: guilty

stalked someone:  innocent

had a girlfriend:  guilty
had a boyfriend: guilty

totally drunk during a holiday:  innocent

dont know who has been tagged but i’m tagging @geldris, @undeadfairy, @gowther, @ladymerlin, @ladyjericho, @ninolahiffe, @foxsinofelaine, @elatedchild @nostalgicbookworm @maybeishouldwait, @kiboeme, @lazingabout @bettybest2 @vetur02 @pain-in-the-asguardian @elizabethliones

Everything I have written

is a lie, a story told to entertain myself in the dark;

the things I love most

you wouldn’t believe. a parking lot in the rain,

small towns with buildings blown out

and tagged with graffiti nobody understands.

It was my father who taught me

about loneliness; he lived in a foreign country,

drank daily, and sang sad love songs

until he died.  He taught me how to perform,

to make people love you by saying

what they want to hear; flattering them,

and putting on the Latin charm; 

but no matter how many women he slept with

or how many poems he could recite

without flaw, he was a lonely man;

he called it, soledad, 

and even though my Spanish was shit,

I could feel what he meant,

and I still feel it,

even now,

when I find myself driving around

the city at dusk,

not wanting to go home

because i am more comfortable

in the dark.

  • me: 1984 is an overrated book and george orwell is a hack
  • Trump Presidency, Day 3: Openly declaring objective truths that we can see with our own eyes to be invalid and 'dishonest', 'alternative facts', already went after a twitter account for sharing pictures of the inauguration that did not comply with the bullshit they made up.
  • me: The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command… and if all others accepted the lie, which the party imposed, if all records told the same tale, then the lie passed into history and became truth.




Keep reading


‘Girl, Interrupted’, James Mangold (1999)

Crazy isn’t being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you, or me, amplified. If you ever told a lie, and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child, forever.

161127 Jimin’s Tweet

김태형 왜 거짓말 하냐
나보고 시작하고 달라고 시켜놓고는 내가 나오고 싶다니 기억을 왜 삭제한거야

Kim Taehyung, why did you lie? 
You were the one who told me to start (the V LIVE broadcast), how could you say that I was the one who wanted to come on..why did you erase your memory of it

(T/N: Referring to today’s V LIVE broadcast when V told Jimin to stop playing with the camera and leave, even though Jimin said V was the one who asked him to turn it on for him.)

Trans cr; Alli @ bts-trans

She asked me, “How do I look?”
and I swear, “You look beautiful”
was the biggest lie I’ve ever told,
because she didn’t look beautiful, 
she looked like a dance of sunsets 
and galaxies, she looked like fairy 
dust and spring mornings, 
she looked so much more 
than just beautiful.

~girls are magic

Is it horrible of me to say I have no sympathy whatsoever for poor, working class Trump supporters now regretting their vote?

You make your bed, you lie in it. My granny always told me that. 

It’s just a shame you had to condemn everyone else on planet Earth - sensible people who were smart enough to see this man for what he truly was- into this hell too.  

Nice try, Malfoy
  • draco: you know what granger?
  • hermione: what do you want now malfoy?
  • draco: my father told me i can have anything i want in my life because i was a malfoy
  • hermione: i dont want to know any more about your selfishness malf-
  • draco: but then i realized it was all a lie
  • hermione: is there a point in this? you're seriously wasting my-
  • draco: i knew it was a lie because when i saw you, i wanted you but i never had you *stares intensely into her eyes*
  • hermione: *looks intently at him* nice try malfoy. no, i wont let you copy off of my potions essay. now will you please let me read in peace?
  • draco: dammit! i thought it would work. please? just this one time??
  • blaise: dammit guys, i thought that was for real
  • blaise: *cries silently in the corner because he ships dramione and was given false hope*
Who killed Jason Blossom?

Audience: Nahh… You would never do this.

Cole: Of course I would. You never know what Jughead might be hiding under that beanie.

Audience: Yeah, but he would never lie to Betty.

Cole: That might be true, but… *Lili walks in* Lili! You agree with me, right?

Lili: On what, Cole?

Cole: Jughead killing Jason. It could be possible, right?

Lili:  Nahh… He would never lie to Betty about this.

Audience: Told ya.

Cole:  Tch, how can you be so sure about it?

Lili: Because… *holds his hand and looks into his eyes*  I believe you, Juggie…

Cole: *blushes*….. Okay, you got me… I didn’t do it.

Lili: *winks at the audience*

Audience: *squeals*

Angry Ashton Smut

Request: yes/no

Are requests open: yes/no

Fandom: 5 Seconds of Summer

Word Count: 1652

Warning: Raunchy? Gifs


Not my gifs/pictures


“Are you sure you don’t want to come out tonight?” Ashton asked me, we were currently in our room, me studying for an upcoming test and he was getting dressed for a Halloween party.

 “Ash, I told you, I have to study for this test” I told him, I didn’t even look up from the notes I was trying to copy from my friends. “But I want to see you all dressed up” he whispered. Ashton came to lie on the bed with me and he wrapped put a warm hand on the bottom of my back.

“Ashton, you’ll be late and I’ll fail” I told him, I pushed him off of me with no avail. He was obviously stronger than me, he placed a kiss to the side of my neck, I giggled at the feeling and turn my laptop away. “Come Y/N you know you want to” he told me.

 I turned to face him and put my hands on his shoulders, he pulled me closer and just as we were about to kiss, a loud honking was heard and we both jumped. “Don’t drink too much okay baby?” I asked him. Ashton looked in my eyes, gently kissed me on the lips and whispered “of course, I’ll be safe” he said.

It took 3 more minutes and a few honks from Calum, but eventually my clingy boyfriend was out the door and on his way to a Halloween party.

 Studying was going as well as you’d imagine it would, I had netflix playing in the background and studying was getting away from me.

 Y/B/F: Check instagram Y/N: Well hello to you too Y/B/F: Just do it, and don’t get too mad

 Immediately all attention was on what she said and I checked instagram. I wasn’t notified in anything, and nothing out of the ordinary was popping out.

 Y/N: What am I looking for exactly? Y/F/N: Halsey’s page

 Now I was getting worried. It was Halsey’s party that Ashton went to, and just because she said that, I was worried now.

 She posted a lot from her party, and I found the one that Y/F/N was probably talking about. It was Ashton and here, standing pretty close together and the caption was nothing but rows of hearts.

 My blood started to boil, I was never the jealous type, I mean, Ashton and I had a lot of trust. But this was crossing the line.

 Y/N: Ash?

But no answer, I waited around 30 minutes and tried again, but the same thing.

 Knowing him he probably didn’t do anything, but I was getting nervous, he usually answers within 2 minutes or less. I was letting this get to me and I just went to grab the bottle of vodka.

 “Alright Google, what can I mix with this to get me very drunk” I whispered to myself. The only thing that really popped up was to mix it with diet coke. Luckily we had some and I started to play the American Horror Story drinking game.

(I don’t condone drinking, but I also can’t stop you)

Within 2 episodes, I was already shit faced off my ass. I started checking instagram once again, and once again I saw that damned photo of Halsey with my boyfriend, fans were tagging me in it and trying to start drama between us or something.

 “Y/N?” Ashton asked as he walked through the door, his costume was all ragged and he was either drunk too or my suspicions were just confirmed. I turned my head to look at him.

 We had shared eye contact, I took a large swig of my alcoholic coke and turned back to my tv episode.

“What are you still doing up?” He asked, he came to sit with me on the couch, and he place an arm around my shoulder. I was still pissed at him, so I turned off the tv and the lamp I had on beside me and walked out of the room. Leaving him in the dark.

“Y/N/N, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked me, as I settled onto the bed. “Oh I don’t know, why don’t you just go out with Halsey again?” I asked him, my words were slurring.

 Ashton didn’t answer me, he just grabbed my drink, took a sniff of it and threw it on the carpet. “How drunk are you?” He asked calmly, but I knew he was mad. “The carpet!” I shrieked, I stood up to go get a rag but he gently pushed me on the bed, hovering over me.

“How drunk are you?” He asked again. But I wasn’t drunk enough, usually when I’m over my limit, I can’t help but get the giggles. I was just mad and I reached up to slap him, but he caught my wrist in time.

“What are you accusing me of?” “I saw Halsey’s post, you really think I’m happy about that?” I asked him, “nothing happened. I saw what she posted and I asked her to take it down before leaving. I came back for you, I always come back for you” Ashton told me.

 He pulled me close and started kissing my neck, my eyes fluttered closed but I remembered I was supposed to be mad at him. “Ashton, fuck off” I whispered, “let me show you, that you’ll always be the one I come back to” Ashton said.

May as well, let him show me how much I truly mean to him.

 Ashton grabbed my hips and lied me farther on the bed, his oversized shirt was torn off me immediately and I was left in nothing but my panties. “Such a dirty whore aren’t you” he asked me, but I was too caught up with his warm hands trailing overtop my breasts and traveling my body.

 He slapped my breast when I didn’t answer, “you love this. Tell me you love this or I swear to god I will stop” “I love this Ash. I’m your dirty little whore” I told him.

My panties were the next to go, and without any warning he plunged two thick fingers in my heat and his opposite hand rubbing harsh figure eights on my clit. “Oh my fuck” I moaned, my back was arching from the immense pleasure I was receiving. “Fu—Fuck” I kept moaning.

“Stop fucking moving” Ashton told me, his voice was rough, and my drunk state told me to just ignore him. I started letting my body move as much as it wanted to. “Alright fuck this” he said.

 He left me, and I could cry at how fast he ripped his fingers from my heat. “What are you doing?” I asked, “you need to stop moving” was all he said.

 Ashton walked to the closet, came back out with 3 belts of his. ‘How long have you owned belts?’ I thought to myself.

 “What are you doing with those?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. Instead I was tied up by my wrists with one, and my thighs were separated.

“Look how beautiful you look” He whispered. “Ash, please fuck me” I told him, “you think you deserve that? After you got drunk and accused me of cheating? You think you deserved to be fucked?” He asked, I just nodded my head furiously.

 I was so frustrated, I was basically dripping onto our sheets and I couldn’t do anything to relieve myself. “Please Ashton, I’m sorry for what I said, please, just please fuck me” I moaned.

 “This is just so pretty” he said, I noticed that he was completely naked now, and had his phone in his hand. “What are you doing?” I asked, the flash went off and he threw his phone across the room. “That’s a keeper” he said.

 Next I thing I knew, he lined his dick up to my entrance and was just running his head up and down teasing me. “I hate you so much” I whined out, I was getting sick of all his games. “I know you do, but you need to learn darling” he said.

 He leaned down to kiss me and as soon as our lips, he roughly penetrated in me. It was so much, that I arched up from the pleasure, it actually kind of hurt, but it was exciting me.

 “You like that don’t you?” Ashton said, our bodies were quickly getting sweaty from how fast he was going. “Oh my god, Ash I love it so much” I moaned out.

 Ashton leaned to capture my lips in a heated kiss once again and was massaging my breasts at his pleasure. I couldn’t do anything but enjoy this and I was absolutely living.

 It seemed with each thrust he was going deeper and deeper and eventually I started to feel my orgasm build up.

“Ash, I can’t last any longer” I moaned.

 He took that as his cue to remove his hand from my breasts and starting rubbing my clit again.

 I couldn’t even fight it anymore, my body was shaking from all the pleasure. A string of swears left my mouth as my orgasm took over my body, and Ashton made sure that I was done before he released inside of me.

 He quietly untied me and tucked my exhausted body into bed. “Ash?” I asked quietly once he joined me. “Yes Princess?” He asked, I grabbed his arm and placed it around my body. “I’m sorry for getting upset over it, I know you’d never do anything like that” I whispered.

 Tears formed at my eyes,  Ash knew how sorry I was by now. He kissed my head and grabbed me closer. “It’s alright, I know how you get when you’re drunk. I forgive you and I’ll take care of your hang over tomorrow alright?” He asked.

 I nodded my head and laid my head on his naked chest.

 At least I got some good sex out of this.

A/N: Holy shit I suck at smut, hope the two anons enjoyed it though 


i’m so fed up with one of my coworkers. he’s the kind of person that brags about how all seven of his Very Real™, Very Authentic™ katanas can slice through a person’s head like butter and how Death Metal is “The only good music” and “Your Religion is A Lie, Your God Doesn’t Exist and You Should Feel Bad”

the other day he was talking about how he’d fend off an entire mob of people during a zombie apocalypse and when he asked me what my weapon of choice would be I told him it’d be a pair of handcuffs so I can cuff him to the bike racks and leave him there

There are still nights
Where I lie in my bed
Thinking of you, and what we could’ve been
And there are still nights
Where I lie in my bed
Thinking of how much I hate you for hurting me
And there are still nights
Where I cry myself to sleep
Killing myself thinking of reasons as to why you chose her instead of me
Because you always reassured me not to be jealous of her
Or how she looked
Because you said to me, “you are the only girl for me” and with deep regret I believed you
Along with all the other lies you told me
—  I deserved so much better

“I told a lie. When I said to stay with me, I did not mean as eunuch. Then why did I say that to you? I questioned myself endlessly every night and now I found my answer.”