that won't even do it

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this was going to be the autumn story concept but listen… memes. so rip y’all here’s 3 selfies… kind of. ok im gonna keep studying for my last few finals but aaa happy 11 months !!

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Haise’s Birthday Poem begins with the lines [x]:

“Someone said this:
“Even if you have no memories of being loved, for as long as you have memories of loving someone, you can continue to live.”

…But how is someone who has never been loved be capable of loving someone else?

A child who wasn’t able to receive the minimal love they required at the time they needed it the most will continue to gaze at the illusion of affection and never know how to love until the day they die.

Well, how about me? Can I continue to live?”

Furuta grew up without love, surrounded by the products of Tsuneyoshi’s fucked up harem. The only person who seems to have shown any affection at all for him, as seen in the flashback in this chapter, is Rize. Rize who cared if he died when she ate him. Rize who played with him. Rize, whose fate he was fully aware of. Who he saved, because at some point, or maybe deep down still, he understood that that fate is wrong. She was the only thing he had, and he let her go, for her sake.

In this explanation to Kaneki, he mentions explicitly that as a child, he had these childish ideas of love and marriage in the future for them. Things he gave up for her safety from the men of the main Washuu house.

Even when he’s being crude and creepy, talking about Rize having all of those children for him, he references 101 Dalmatians. A Disney movie. And one with some of the healthiest romances, both between the dogs and the humans.

Even now, he’s looking at a Disney movie where two dogs snuggle each other. Where these two dogs have 15 puppies who they risk their lives to save. And who adopt 84 other puppies who would otherwise be dead. When you think about him as someone who grew up surrounded by who knows how many half-siblings, in the Garden like he did - this is basically him saying he wants a Disney Romance.

Which is not to say that the way he’s speaking isn’t terrible. That the tropes he’s using aren’t horrible and misogynistic. They are. Furuta, as he always has, is falling back on farce and drama, on systems of power that he himself as already explicitly told you he condemns. Furuta switches between honest and lying, between truth and exaggeration, between real emotion and fake dramatic flare over and over.

He speaks in this weird mix between a cynical jaded, crude adult, and a desperate, sad, idealistic, stubborn child. Like with his big speech to Eto about V in 66, I think this chapter he is mixing truth and fiction. Sometimes strategically, sometimes just because.

@linkspooky​ pointed out to me that it almost seems that the more honest he’s being, the less of his face is shown. Times when he’s really approaching sincerity and seriousness, he’s shown from the side.

Where as most of the time, he’s hidden under his flare and his masks and his drama.

Furuta, for all his fake emotion, is clearly uncomfortable with the real thing. Uncomfortable when people make him feel things and uncomfortable expressing emotion. Uncomfortable and unskilled and really parsing it.

Instead, he falls back on theatre and performance and lies.

When he says he couldn’t bare the thought of her having a kid after being free for so long… was he talking (just) about jealousy, or was he talking about the fact that the CCG, and thus V, was gaining on her - had almost captured her in the 6th ward and gotten Shachi in the struggle, and was well on their way to tracking her down again? Was he talking about not wanting her to be free, or about after all that time, still not being able to accept the idea of her being recaptured by V and used by the Washuu men like that.

He used her too, of course - and brutally. I think he was mad at her not only for wasting the freedom he helped her win, for almost getting caught again - but also because he still cares. And he doesn’t want to still care about her. So he punished her for his own feelings. Furuta is… not a fan of his own feelings. And he’s childish.

Its not an excuse for what he did to her, but I do think he acted when he did, if not the way he did, because if he hadn’t, there was a very real chance she’d have returned to her old fate. And that, he could not abide. Even now.

What he did, to Rize, in taking her power and undergoing that surgery himself, in killing off all the Washuu, taking leadership of the CCG - he gives multiple reasons for it even in this one conversation with Kaneki. On the one hand, in his proposal to Kaneki, he sets up a clear role for himself - as a villain to unite ghouls and humans against (Kaneki’s team, rather than the CCG and Clowns in this case) and introduces it as a big production, culminating in his own, rather than Kaneki’s death - ever suicidal as he is.

But explicitly, he also claims that people don’t need reasons for what they do. He also claims that he is doing what he wants to do, and that he is doing what he wanted to do as a child.

I think all of these have a grain of truth to them. He talks in such a way that mixes narratives, mixes truth and fiction, and sometimes just because its easier to talk with (half)fake emotion than real ones.

I think that Furuta, the nearly 6 year old child wants to destroy the toxic terrible “family” that used and abused him, and create in its place a 101 Dalmations style family, with him and Rize as Pongo and Perdita. A big loving, new Washuu family. This part of Furuta doesn’t care about ghouls or humans or Kaneki Ken or Eto Yoshimura or any of that at all.

But Furuta is also an adult, and became one probably much too quickly, if he knew what awaited Rize and helped her escape because if it. And the Adult Furuta knows he can’t have any of that. That Rize forgot about him and doesn’t love him back and that he burned that bridge by dropping those beams. His children with her are going to be via Kanou. Anything new will be born from death and fire and war. Adult Furuta has plans. Adult Furuta wants.…something… out of all of this. Some grand finale.

Part of Furuta is still that child - still wants Rize to come back to him and love him and play with him (and maybe kill him). Wants a big happy Disney ending for them. But he also knows he can never really have that. He’s known that he could never have that, because of how he was born. That’s the irony of that line, about the life he has and how he might as well. Because he was born to NEVER get what he wanted, ever. (And yet - and yet he fights back - viciously and endlessly and savagely, despite being born only to serve.) Because he has grown up now, and he’s done terrible things, and he knows that that happiness is impossible. But he’s also 6 years old and desperate and lonely.

I personally have thought for a long time that Rize is being set up as the one who will kill Furuta. I just hope (though I don’t necessarily expect) that they will get a chance to talk before it happens, or when he’s dying, or something. A chance for him to thank her for finally killing him, after all this time. A chance for him to say sorry, or not to - to say he’s glad he did it if it ended there, with him dying in her arms.

I still don’t think Furuta thinks any way about women, in general, though I understand why people see this pattern. It’s certainly a power structure highlighted by his character, either way. I think he probably has a good deal of the background misogyny of the culture and of the Washuu clan in his upbringing, but he also has a deep seeded hatred for everything about that upbringing. His understanding of things is so twisted and bent around this terrible place he was raised in, and the world he was forced to live in, that its honestly a miracle he’s still fighting for something different.

But Furuta sees every structure as a farce, as a mask, as a tool, rather than a truth. And he plays with these tropes of misogyny and discards them just as quickly. He’s making himself out to be a villain, to be crude, to be cruel. And it’s no excuse for his actions - for the very real fate Rize suffered at his hands. But he deals with Matsumae as a failed knight and a hypocrite, not as a woman. He plays with misogyny and its masks and its power system when he’s mock-flirting with Eto, but the next second he throws it away. He has no regard for masculinity or its virtues. Its a game to him. And that is a nasty and dangerous way to look at a very serious thing. Which is a great metaphor for Furuta who sees farce in everything. And is setting up a grand theater with all of Tokyo as its stage, possibly to write his own death into the final act.

“When I unveil this, won’t you come play with me?” He knows what Kaneki wants. He knows who Kaneki will save. He knows who Kaneki will kill. He still wants to die, and he seems to like the idea of dying to make things better, in a sense. And still, he’s speaking like a child. Come play, Kaneki. 

“Doesn’t it make you want to die?
If you die, you can get cured you know. (This is true.)



So if you were planning on giving me something.
In this year, I want four times more of that love or hate.



PS: (Laugh, it’s fun!)” [x]

end of 2016 follow spree

  • reblog if you post at least 50% harry potter
  • bonus: like this if you are an overly emotional affection-loving freak
  • it would be cool if you followed me too also because i am both of those things & we could have a fun time together.
  • my brain: you are making up this problem for attention
  • me: i literally haven't told a single person about this problem? i am the only one that knows about this problem
  • my brain: yeah whatever
  • my brain: you are making up this problem for attention
4

The Lightwoods are having none of your shit. (x)

anonymous asked:

Idk if you've been asked this before, but what are your thoughts of Bensavi?

10

Like who he tryna kid though?

if usa network never cared for an lgbt show ever why did they pick up eyewitness in the first place

So I went to the vet today and they’re starting my 16 year old cat on subcutaneous fluids twice a week, which they trained me to do at home for him. How fucking ironic is it that I’ve been prescribed home fluids twice a week for SIX MONTHS and can’t get them because Tucson is bullshit, and my cat gets them same day.

also they did blood work and brought him back in the room after taking it, and were like, “it should be about 15 minutes until we have the results so just hang tight.” I was like !!!! seriously?! how come when I get bloodwork, even at the hospital, it’s 1 to 14 DAYS jesus why am I not allowed to see a vet.

Making Character Art
  • When Designing: Wow! There's such neat, fine, intricate, small details!
  • When Spriting: It's too small. You can't see it :C.
  • When Spriting: THE HAIR COVERS IT.
  • When Spriting: EVEN IN THE WALK ANIMATION YOU CAN'T SEE IT BC THE HAIRRRRRRRR
  • When Spriting: YOU CAN'T SEE IT AT ALL IT'S LOST FOREVER AHRHGHGHGHGGGGGGGG
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I am so envious of these two individuals who are holding up against this asshole. He has been saying a bunch of racist and homophobic shit. He’s said, “Hitler did nothing wrong.” The two people chanting “He will not divide us” are so strong. They have held up against that asshole, who just so happens to be a Trump supporter. I’m not jumping to any conclusions, just stating that. Hope the ones chanting stay safe and strong and hydrated and warm.
HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US.

OH! Almost forgot, the asshole’s YouTube is Millennial_Matt

Hewillnotdivide.us

when you don’t want to go to class because you’re behind but not going will just put you more behind

Also I’m a bit blown away by all the new followers so thank you and welcome but I just want to warn you that i’m currently being strangled to death by my schoolwork so unfortunately this blog is mostly going to be wips of the paintings i do in school and me complaining about things, at least until this summer

3

messing around with outfit ideas for the local flip wizard

bonus underwear:

Hi D/E Family I would like to invite you all to participate in the 55 day challenge with me. We recently found out that March 10 will be the day the TVD finale will premiere. To honor 9 years of our beloved Damon and Elena I wanted to give them one last send off. 

Rules are simple; Gif, edit, write, screencap, podcast, meta, video whatever you like. 55 days worth of Delena starting Saturday 14th January and ending Friday March 10. Post as often as you like. Post everyday. Post once a week. 

I’ll be stalking the #delena shippers club for all your posts.

My aim is to bring to life the Delena fandom this last time.

Don’t forget to reblog to spread the word, and most importantly, have fun!

Really messed up feelings:

• When you’re surrounded by people and still feel completely alone
• When the people who tell you they care about you leave, just like everybody else
• When you really want a hug, just so you don’t feel so alone, but feel too needy to ask for one
• When the one person in the whole world you thought you could rely on leaves you when you need them most
• When the person you trusted with your whole life lets you down
• And then makes you believe it’s your own fault
• And you’re left sitting there, crying in your room, trying so damn hard to muffle your sobs into your pillow so you won’t wake your family in the next room, wondering what the hell you did wrong… what the hell you always do wrong…