that was a really bad lion king reference i am sorry

I Don’t Love You Anymore Pt. 4

My brain is going a million thoughts a second as I swipe the screen, “Y/N! I’ve called you three times! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” she bombards. “Relax, I’m fine. Actually I’m not fine, I just ran into Ashton and Calum,” I breathe out and rub my temples. “Oh my goodness. I’m heading over to your apartment now,” she says and I can hear her jiggling keys. “I’ll buy the beer,” I say. “And I’ll get the Ben & Jerry’s” she replies and we both hang up; this is gonna be a long night.

You can find pt. 3 right here –> I Don’t Love You Anymore Pt. 3

“So…what happened again?,” y/b/f/n asks as she swallows two big spoonfuls of ice cream and finishes her third beer. “I’ve already told you twice,“ I say as I roll my eyes; I love her to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. “Yeah but I learn something different after each time you tell me,” she says, but she really means, “I’m not paying attention.” “Please, y/n last time,” she begs and her words are starting to slur as she reaches for another beer. “No. You’re done,” I snap and take the cold bottle from her hand. This is what I mean, she’s a pain. I’m the one who just went through what felt like life’s worse case scenario, I should be getting drunk, not her. “Awww y/n but I’m not even tipsy,” she says. “I thought you were coming over here to help me figure out what to do with Calum and Ashton, not get drunk,” I say looking down as she ignores me and goes on babbling about some nonsense. This has been a crappy day and all I wanted was my best friend to make me feel better by talking about what happened, her saying a funny joke, or consoling by saying, “I’m out of their league” or “They don’t deserve you” hell, suggest we go out, anything besides what she’s doing now. I open my phone to block out her noise and I notice my Twitter has a million notifications, I open the app to see #Calum&Y/NOfficiallyOverParty trending. My heart beats faster as I read the first tweets: (g/n = girl’s name)

“I’m so happy for Calum. He deserved much more than y/n. #Calum&g/n”

“Calum & g/n are so cute together. I ship them.”

“Calum’s new girlfriend is so much prettier than y/n.”

I throw my phone across the room as tears roll down my face. I literally just seen him 3 hours ago and he didn’t bother to tell me he moved on. No, of course Calum wanted to frick with my emotions and make me believe there was still something there when he already had a new girlfriend. “Y/n what’s wrong?” y/b/f/n asks suddenly sobered up. “He has a girlfriend,” I say looking at her. “Oh sweetie,” she says, immediately knowing who I was referring to, as she pulls me into a tight hug. I cry into her shoulder for a few more minutes before she says, “Sweetie, he is not worth your tears, you already wasted so much on him, don’t waste anymore. Save them for when you’re watching Les Miserables or Lion King,” she jokes making me chuckle. I stop crying and wipe my face on the sleeve of my pajama shirt, “I just wish he had told me. I’d rather hear it from him than Twitter,” I add. “Forget him! There are so many other guys out there, which reminds me why I was calling you,” she says wiping some smeared mascara off my face. “Yes, please tell me why you kept calling,” I say while taking a heaping spoon of cold cream into my hot mouth.

“So guess who asked Niall, who asked Luke, who asked me if you were seeing anyone…” she perks up and jumps to sit on her knees, her eyes all big and excited, now that’s the y/b/f/n I know. “You and Luke?” I question as I raise my eyebrow at her, suddenly their relationship taking my interest. “Don’t change the subject,” she warns and I wiggle my eyebrows at her. “We’ll talk about that later. Now come on, y/n, guess!” she squeals as she gently shoves my shoulder. Oh no, another boy I can’t even deal with the two frickers right now, how can I add another to the pot? I stutter, “I-I’m n-not really interested in–

“Come on, y/n. Honestly, you need to move on. It’s obvious that Calum acted that way in the store because he was jealous seeing you and Ashton that close. Remember how adamant he was about you and Ash and how you could never be alone together; it just brought back memories. And yes Ashton is a good candidate but you already dated Calum. Y/n you can’t mess up their bromance. Both I and the fandom will murder you,” she says seriously. She’s right, it’s been six weeks and I should move on, Calum already has and I can’t break up Cashton. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go on one date,” I breathe out, finally giving in after weeks of her begging. “Yay!” she squeals, “So, who asked about me?” I ask curiously, “Shawn,” she sings as she grabs my shoulders in a death grip while giving me the biggest smile. “Mendes? He’s like 2 years younger than me,” I groan as I rub my temples. “So?” she asks. “So? Y/b/f/n he’s a child,” I exclaim, how am I supposed to get over two daddies (lol) with a boy. “Y/n, you’re 21 and he’s 19, what’s wrong with that? Plus he’s fine as hell and I know you like him! I saw you eye-fucking him when he was at the 1D release party,” she says as she reaches for the ice cream again. “I wasn’t eye-fricking him!” I gasp as I snatch the ice cream from her. “Okay, so what was this?” she asks as she looks at me with sexy eyes and starts biting and licking her lips. I burst out laughing at my best friend “eye-fricking” me, “Okay, I did not look like that!” I say. “Oh honey, you were worse. But he was doing it too,” she says taking the ice cream back. “He was?” I ask, not believing the girl. “Totally babe,” she says winking at me. “He is cute,” I admit. “He’s having a party tomorrow night and you’re going,” she says as gets off the couch pulling me with her. “Where are we going?” I ask, “To pick out your outfit. We gotta make you desirable,” she says as she turns around to face me. “Oh I don’t know. A simple outfit will be fine,” I tell her as I turn around to sit back on the couch. “Luke told me that he and the guys were gonna go, meaning Calum and Ashton are bound to make an appearance,” she smirks at me. “We better figure out how I’ll do my hair too,” I say popping off the couch and leading the way to the bedroom as she follows me laughing. “And you better be ready to spill the deets on you and Lukey,” I tell her as she stops laughing making me laugh at her.

A/N: Hello beautifuls, I know this is well overdue but so much has been happening right now. I have been offered new jobs and positions at my school and that’s been taking up all of my time. I’m sorry that this is so late but please still tell me what y’all think. I feel like the more I write the more the plot will change, is that bad? Talk to me! Part 5 is coming soon!!!!!!!!

Part 5 —> /i-dont-love-you-anymore-pt-5

I just finished reading Two Serpents Rise, and so of course I am going to subject you to more Craft Sequence thoughts:

1. This is a book about what happens when walking away from Omelas isn’t an option.  How do you live knowing that your world is built on exploitation and suffering?  How do you find meaning and value in such a place?  What price will you pay, what will you risk, what will you sacrifice, for the world you want?

2. The answer to that first question, for Caleb, is repression; this is a book about pointedly Not Seeing and Not Thinking, which is why the shark-tooth charm is so significant.  It’s easy to see why he would be like that; his father is an enemy of the state, and every time something happens in Dresediel Lex he gets hauled in for questioning by the Wardens.  He has to be whiter-than-white, and it’s no doubt easiest just not even to think any criticism of how things are. (plus, in a way, his father chose the gods over him, and admitting there are problems with the current system is almost to justify that choice.  I’d love to know more about Caleb’s feelings towards his dad; the admission that he hasn’t played bridge since he lost his partner is so sad, because plainly that partner is Temoc.)  

3. That repression is what makes him so bland at the start, and so I don’t blame people at all for not enjoying him as a protagonist.  But for me the key to Caleb is the moment we see that he likes to read Iskari romances, stories about duels and battles with evil wizards, and when he describes going after Mal as being like a quest.  There’s something innocent and idealistic about him, something that wants a purpose, a cause to devote himself to.  

4. And that’s what draws Mal to him - I spent the whole book feeling uncomfortable about their relationship, because I thought she might be using him for some sort of RKC-related access or knowledge, or to keep him from realising what she was up to.  And in a darker book, she would have been manipulating or grooming him, but this time she genuinely believes she’s found someone who thinks like she does.

5. In a way, though, Caleb is on a quest; a (Jungian) Grail Quest, where to ask “whom does the Grail serve?” is to realise our interdependence on each other, to realise that love and compassion is the answer.  I picked this book up for gay wizards; who knew it was going to turn Arthurian on me!

6. I thought I was going to love Teo - I mean, curvy Latina lesbian who dresses like a dandy mobster? excuse me while I chuck myself at her feet - but while her dress sense is totally Iconic, she’s not a very nice person!  For someone whose job - jobs, given that she runs an art gallery on the side - is schmoozing, I find her rude and arrogant, and unnecessarily hard on Caleb, like, the whole time.  (also, it annoys me that her rejection of her family’s wealth is only ever about her independence, and not about the fact that they made it through being slumlords, i.e. exploiting the poor.)  Her girlfriend Sam is a bit holier-than-thou, and I think you’re meant to roll your eyes at her a little, but her heart is in the right place.

7. I love Kopil, I’m sorry.  I know that I shouldn’t, that the entire plot of this book is his reaping the whirlwind of his terrible actions twenty years ago, but here somehow he comes across as fundamentally decent and interested in ruling well.  Also, everything about his dead boyfriend breaks my heart, especially the part where he tells Caleb that his desk is the altar where Timas was sacrificed, and says that some blood must have soaked into the rock, that in some way the man he loves is with him still.

8. Red King Consolidated provides local government for Dresediel Lex - police, utilities - but where is the national government in Kath?  It seems as if there isn’t one, and places like Alt Coulumb and Dresediel Lex are essentially city-states, with Kopil as signoria for DL.  In other words, when he calls himself the King in Red, he means it.  And of course he’s dressed in red, the colour of blood and sacrifice, because he is a living sacrifice to Dresediel Lex, in a way; Fisher King-like, the health of the king is the health of the land.  He is the heart of a web of obligations, of magical profit and loss, that keeps the city running.  And the attacks on the city are intended to cause so much destruction that taking care of them, and keeping the Serpents asleep, drains him of soulstuff.  Kopil’s death is the sacrifice on which the new system can rise.  

9. I like the bit where Caleb is looking for a sword or similar in Kopil’s office, and thinks that the King in Red’s style is more “deep magic from the dawn of time”.  don’t think I don’t see your Narnia reference, Max Gladstone! (& of course The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is another book about redemptive sacrifice.)

10. I wonder how this series reads in chronological order.  What is it like to start with Last First Snow, to read that book not knowing how the Skittersill Rising is going to turn out, and then to jump to the same characters twenty years later?  What is it like to meet Elayne again in Three Parts Dead and be like “oh hey, it’s her”, instead of seeing her through Tara’s respectful, admiring, slightly terrified but also that-is-what-I-want-to-be-in-10-years’-time eyes?  I guess reading in publication order makes Alaxic and Mal’s intentions more mysterious (does little!Mal appear in Last First Snow at all?), but then again, I’ve seen a lot of reviews of this book which are like “obviously she’s bad, she’s called Mal!”

11. I love all the comparisons this series makes between magic and the law, but I particularly liked the one here about how reality is an argument, is a story, is consensus around a narrative, and if you win the argument, you can literally change the world. (one I liked less was the idea that Craftspeople can trap you in dreams; I never read enough of the Sandman to hit the metaplot, but of what I did read, the one story that freaked me out the most was Sleep of the Just.  It’s those final panels where Roderick Burgess thinks he’s woken from a horrible nightmare…..and then realises he hasn’t, at all.)

12. The ending is such a Doctor Who ending, and by that I mean it has one of the things I like best about DW; the ability to look at our small, petty, imperfect, compromised lives, and see the beauty and the value in all these little people struggling to do good.

13. Speaking of doing good, I am so glad that Caleb finally chose to be present and to act, instead of living with his eyes closed; I was thinking throughout that the Craftverse needs some sort of post-conflict truth-and-reconciliation-y……something, and Caleb’s NGO is sort of that.  And that Kopil realised there wouldn’t be any long-term peace without his addressing the grievances of the defeated - such a change from the person who dropped fiery nets on them twenty years previous. (the Twin Serpents Group absolutely needs his support behind it, both as pledge of good faith from the most bloodstained of Craftsmen, and big stick should any gods get ideas above their station.)  I’ve seen people say the final conversation is too easy, but I think it makes a difference that it’s Caleb asking; I’ve made flippant comments before about Kopil lowkey flirting with Caleb, but seriously, there’s a mutual fondness there, a mixture of loyalty and liking and respect, that speaks really well of them both. (one thing I really like about this series is how much mentoring there is - Elayne and Tara, and also Kopil and Caleb; that the older characters want to offer their time and experience, and the younger characters are interested in taking it.)

14. And last of all, I cannot believe Kopil signs the note he leaves for Caleb in the hospital with a little picture of a skull.  Forget everything I said; he is totally flirting.

I have so many feelings, I’m sorry; I think it’s that putting it into words often helps me to better understand what I think. (e.g. I saw one review which said they couldn’t grasp Mal’s motivation, and I was like “her parents burned to death over the course of a week! no water could put it out! of course she wants the King in Red’s heart on a spike!……oh.”  It didn’t really sink in until I said it.)  If you like these books, please do talk to me about them, and help spare everyone else from the painfully long posts!

beppuu  asked:

Hey I was just wondering when you started drawing and how long it was until you found your own style?

hey there! 

i’ve always been drawing! i’ve been drawing since i was little, there wasn’t a specific age for me when i started drawing. i started drawing digitally when i was 13 but before that i’d always been drawing! 

as for how long it was until i found my own style, i’m gonna say that i’ve both always had one and i’m still developing it

i answered an ask a little while ago about style actually but i’ll kind of rewrite here so i can have one specific post to refer back to regarding style.

‘style’ is not something that you should be working to achieve, as it is essentially a word that means ‘the way a person draws.’ there was never a point in my life when i simply decided to have a style and it magically ended up looking like how i draw today! i didn’t plan for my work to look like this, but it does because this is the way my hand likes to move and this is the way i see the world and have taken in information from other artists. the way a person draws is very personal and is always developing and changing unless you don’t allow it to (ex. if you draw manga/anime) 

the bad thing about focusing on trying to come up with this unique, trademark style of yours is that you are not focusing on what you should be, which is making good art!! probably like 90% of art students are way too caught up in achieving a style rather than making fantastic work! you should be practicing making your subject matter look good, making it look believable and aesthetically pleasing, not practicing how to make your lines or the way you draw hands different from everybody else! because in TIME, you will develop your own style either way! it just happens! you don’t have to force it out of yourself

however! if you’re having trouble starting out drawing something, or maybe you draw too realistically and you want things to look simpler or have a more cartoonish look, then i suggest looking at other artists and seeing how they do things! copy what they do to practice and eventually your work will divert away from that artist’s style of drawing to become your own personal way of drawing because YOU see the world differently than say jeff smith or bryan lee o’malley. use other artists as a starting point! 

i can show you how i developed my art (i don’t have pics of my stuff from when i was little unfortunately since i’m at school now and all my old stuff is at home :c but i can start showing you from when i was 13) under a read more because it’s gonna be long (and i’m sorry if the pictures are blurry i had to condense a lot of them into single files)

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No. Only French mystery.

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