that was a confusing sentence but i am lazy

On a relevant note to my last reblog…

I had two choices today:  Clean the living room, kitchen, and cat-bathroom or run errands.  Nothing was gross, but I was still feeling edgy because of the clutter, so I cleaned.  I made it 2/3 of the way and now I have to take a break because my ribs and hips are killing me.

Now I feel bad, though, because I just don’t have it in me to make it out.  If I did, I’d be paying for it, even more than I am now, tomorrow.  That would pretty much render tomorrow a useless day in which I can do nothing except mope and maybe work on the computer.

I guess the point of this is to say I know my limits, I know what I can get away with (most of the time).  Explaining that to people who have no experience with chronic illness, though, is another matter entirely.  It’s easy for those people to chalk it up to laziness, but it’s far from the truth.

One of the best examples I ever heard was a commercial for fibromyalgia that went something like, “If I had bruises where I hurt, nobody would question it."  And it’s true, if I had some kind of visual manifestation of the pain I experience, I wouldn’t have to explain myself.  Sadly, that’s not how it works and I can tell when I’m being patronized.  If you think it’s frustrating that I have to sit down ever so often when out and about, that I have to cut some outings short, or that some days the pain is just to severe to complete any work: Try being the one dealing with it.

A good day for me doesn’t mean I don’t experience any pain.  There’s always something there.  It just means that it’s at a level where I can manage it, deal with it, and get my shit done.  Fibromyalgia isn’t something you can just pop a couple of tylenol for, either.  Nobody even really knows -why- it happens yet, or fully understands what causes it.  It’s thought to be a neurological autoimmune response.  Basically, that means that your brain is somehow getting confused for some reason and starts sending false pain signals (which is why it’s thought that some antidepressants can lessen the symptoms).  This can range anywhere from dull, throbbing, flu-like aches and pains or full on stabbing or burning pain.  Let’s not forget the days when I forget something five million times, can’t think of a word in the middle of a sentence, and can’t get to sleep no matter how exhausted I am.

So, yeah.  I’m not being an ass, I’m not just lazy.  I just hurt sometimes and need a bit to work through it.