that totally would work

asianregret  asked:

Dude, your charming skills were beyond 9,000! I would have been a bumbling mess 😂 "it's totally safe for work"

dude WHAT EVEN WAS I DOING????? i told you, when i’m nervous, i default to CHARM AND FLIRT THATS ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO. and she did 90% of the work, i just basically filled in gaps. i think i blacked out. LMAO

{ @terrortwerp - Happy Birthday you scruffy fucker. }

It had taken a ridiculously long time to plan this, in retrospect - it’d better damn well go over nothing less then swimmingly.

Considering the amount of time off and plain cash he’d had to bribe Tracey with in total, he prayed to Arceus that this would work out and Ash wouldn’t find it stupid or lame– ugh, was that his age showing in that out-dated slang? Already, Professor Gary Oak wanted to find his bottle of scotch and take a few swigs.

Birthdays were never his forte.

It was hard to enjoy them when, growing up, he’d watched his grandfather participate more in his neighbors’ birthdays than Gary’s. He rarely did more than buy someone a card and scrawl his name in it; on the off-chance he did deign to get the lucky so-and-so a gift, he was incredibly bad at picking out things that weren’t generic. A Heal set for one of his former cheerleaders, a couple new canvases for Tracey, an honest-to-Arceus tie for his grandfather once. Really, Gary was talented in a vast amount of things…but celebrating birthdays wasn’t one of them. Hence why he was getting his panties in a twist over this particular one.

Most of the time, he looked on the relationship between his lab assistant and his crush love interest walking wet-dream f r i e n d with benefits with disdain and even disgust at points. Heathens, the pair of them. If the pair was together, then it was guaranteed to smell like weed, booze, and two men who were old enough to know better. Still, they were close friends and Gary fully had intended to make use of that by squeezing information from Tracey until satisfied. It meant his workload would be tripled in the next couple weeks, but ultimately it was–



…going to be worth it.

The sound of the front door opening and the two aforementioned friends stumbling in down the hall shakes Gary from his anxious thoughts. “Maaaaan…you’re fucked UP.” Tracey drawls out, snickering, “Hey– go visit the tightwad for a few minutes while I grab your shit. I bet if you annoy him enough, he’ll give you some birthday money to fuck off.” Why in the hell did he continue to keep this asshole employed, again…?

His pushing-his-employment-status assistant thumped up the stairs, and once Gary calculated that he was in his room the professor put some last minute thought into straightening his clothes - now or never, then. “Shit talking me in my own house already? Next you’ll be doing it right in front of me.” He called out, exiting his kitchen. Damn. The dark-haired man standing by the stairs has no business looking so attractive all the fucking time. Focus, you horny asshole. Grinning, Gary leans against the doorway between the hall and the kitchen - he holds up a cold bottle, covered in condensation. “Got time for a beer with me, Ash? Heard from a little Pidgey it was your birthday. Be a shame if I had to drink all this liquor I bought for you by myself, huh?”

“I remember looking at Miss Hawkeye’s earrings and I thought they looked kind of nice.”
“Well, that seems like a rather simple reason.”
“What’s the point in overthinking things?”

“Back when I was in Resembool, I met a little girl who had long hair and I thought it might be nice to grow it out.”
“That’s it? Seems like a pretty simple reason.”
“Is it? Yeah, maybe it is. But most of my reasons are. When it comes down to it, the life of a sharpshooter is pretty simple. We pull the trigger and an enemy falls.” 


kings rising ch16: nikandros is a bro pt 2 (pt 1)

Mindblowing facts about SDR2


I was happily fooling around on (it’s very good when you want to read something totally random or interesting about any fandom possible) and I decided to read something about SDR2… There are many things (from tearjerking, to nightmarish, to funny, things of any kind, really) that I never noticed and these are the ones I personally find to be the most interesting. 

WARNING: Long post.

Keep reading


*all i want for christmas is you playing muffled in the distance*
gabe is really festive guy pass it on

The best thing about Harry Potter is that the books would totally work if you take the magic out of them.

Philosopher’s Stone: Harry moves to a mysterious secluded boarding school, there he hears about a dangerous item being hidden on the school grounds. Turns out one of the teachers is the terrorist that killed Harry’s parents.

Chamber of Secrets: A series of mysterious incidents happen in the school, where students get hospitalized due to near-fatal snake bites. It’s all connected to a mysterious chamber in the castle, and a series of similar murders that happened 50 years ago.

Prisoner of Azkaban: An accomplice to Harry’s parent’s murder escapes from prison, and Harry must learn the truth about the connection between the escaped prisoner, his father, and the new teacher at school, as well as the identity of the real accomplice.

Goblet of Fire: An international tournament between several schools becomes a dangerous game as the terrorist plans his return by infiltrating the school with one of his followers pretending to be somebody else.

Order of Phoenix: The government cracks down on the school, denying everybody who dare say anything about the terrorist’s return. Harry and his friends must create an underground group to train to fight the terrorists.

Half-Blood Prince: Harry learns more about his teacher’s troubled history, as well as principle Dumbledore’s history with the terrorist back when he was a student. Harry and Dumbledore travel to find one piece of the terrorist’s secret plan, only in the end for Dumbledore to die at the hands of Harry’s teacher.

Deathly Hallows: The terrorists have taken over the school. Harry and his friends travel across the country to find the rest of the pieces of the terrorist’s plan in order to stop him. They found out the terrorist is obsessed with an old legend known as the Deathly Hallows. The story ends with an all out battle between the terrorists and the school staff for the fate of the country.

I am honestly still so shook by Bluesey and Pynch. Like, sometimes I just think about how Gansey gave Blue an adventure of a lifetime and in turn she calmed the ever-present storm inside of him???? And Adam grew up with no representation of love and yet one of the very first decisions he makes SOLEY FOR HIMSELF is to love Ronan???? Or how Ronan fell in love with a boy knowing it would probably be unrequited but yet it totally works out??? Or how Blue knew in the back of her mind this boy that she loved so much would eventually be killed BY her????? And how Gansey had this sense of destiny and this quest would answer all his questions and none of that happens yet he’s happy because he has Blue????? And his Raven Boys????? Or how these kids are all one big happy family and probably come over all the time for dinner at each other’s houses??? And take road trips???? Or send each other funny texts of each other??? Like Adam and Blue hang out and have a karaoke session in the car and send a vid in the group chat??? THEY ALL DESTROY ME OKAY

archivekeeperwidget  asked:

Wouldn't dragons just use chaise lounge chairs and the like? Or poof odomuns they can curl up on? Even a beanbag chair would work

Totally, but the fun part of thinking out how dragons use chairs is putting them it chairs that do different “jobs”. like office chairs

tech support dragon man.

one thing that is interesting about lana is that her art is very much about a womanhood that it centered around men–many of her songs are love ballads which emphasize traditional heterosexual tropes (video games, blue jeans) and she often expresses a kind of femininity that is about catering to men, sometimes in an explicitly negative way (ultraviolence)–but at the same time i would consider her work totally woman centered. i think she writes about experiencing a womanhood that is centered around men, but she tells that story for women: entirely from a female perspective, meant to touch a female audience (this is what makes us girls). i really love that. i think she loves women and like i feel like she loves the exact type of girl i am, and i really adore that to no end. she really speaks to me, sorry to sound like a big normie drama queen! i think themes of patriarchy abound in her work, and the way she explores those themes absolutely speaks to a feminine perspective, in a way that truly acknowledges the complexity and humanity of female subjecthood. sorry! just what i think. she puts words to things i’ve felt but never known how to say, and let’s not let the fact that she has lyrics like “let me put on a show for you daddy” eclipse the fact that she centers female experience in a way that is, tbh, really feminist imo.

paperjam-bipper  asked:

concept: moana getting super sick. nothing fatal, just something REALLY unpleasant to go through. She knows nothing's gonna happen to her, but unfortunate, out-of-practice-for-1000-years maui does *not* and goes into full-blown Panic Mode over her well-being.

Look, an honest effort at fluff! Fun fact: I wrote this when I was actually suffering a migraine. Probably should’ve gone to sleep, but I hadn’t written yet that day, so this is the result of me shamelessly inflicting my own pain on my favorite characters.

Also, in Moana: Island Life, it’s confirmed canon that Moana sometimes forgets to eat her own breakfast because she’s too busy worrying about her own people. Chill, Curly, they’re not gonna die if you drink a coconut or two.

His first clue is a wince. It’s a little thing, just the smallest movement in the corner of his peripheries, and it’s gone when he glances beside him, but he catches it all the same.

“Something on your mind, Curly?”

“Huh?” Moana responds, all of her earlier eloquence gone, and Maui takes that as a no. Makes sense. Even an orator like Moana has to run dry of clever words sometimes, and after her incredible display of diplomatic navigation inside that fale tele he’s not surprised she’s hit her cap.

“Ah, nothing,” he says, waving an airy hand in her direction. “Anyway, now that’s done, whaddya say to a day on the water, huh?”

Moana’s face lights up, all eagerness and anticipation…and then falls. “I can’t,” she replies quietly. “I have stuff to do.”

Keep reading


there’s been this thing i’m seeing lately when Janna’s last name was revealed in “Star and Marco’s Guide to Mastering Every Dimension (Guide to Life)” and apparently it is a Filipino last name so some people are starting to headcannon her as such. Now, while I’m still not fully convinced by this… after all its just a last name…I had this little thought that Janna would bring some balut with her just to freak everybody out

For those who don’t know, balut is duck embryo cooked within its shell; eaten by cracking the shell open and slurping/eating the contents (basically the go to “freak out your foreign friends” food we have among other things). Figured it would be something she’d totally do.

Keep reading



-he has to be touching you 24/7, like arm over your shoulders, even holding your hand if he wants to be romantic

-everyone has to know you’re his

-love bites

-(just to make sure they know)

-imagine the marks this guy would leave

-you would distract him so much!

-days where  you seriously do not leave bed

-playful fights

-which would end with him pressing you against the ground and anyone who was watching the fight to see who would win gets super uncomfortable

-standing on your tip toes to kiss him

-he would carry you everywhere and it doesnt even phase him

-he might even forget you’re on his back. like a Dauntless leader talks to him and he gets all stiff and military only to realize you’re still hanging onto his back

-training together (mostly him doing pushups over top of you and getting a kiss for each one)

-he’d be super possessive tbh

-he’d be a jealous type

-a guy is flirting with you, Eric just comes and wraps his arms around you and kisses your neck, or fights the guy, or throws you over his shoulder and just takes you away

-calling him ‘cave man’ because he’s such a guy

-he would not be one to cuddle but that doesnt stop you from wrapping yourself around him or over him

-then once you fall asleep he actually loves it

-he loves running his fingers through your hair

-being his one weakness

-sexy jaw clenches

-tracing his tattoos with your fingers (sometimes making him shiver and he gruffly moves away because it embarrasses him)

-holding hands under the table when you eat in the cafeteria (or just having his arm loosely over the back of your chair) 

-he would glare if anyone was doing anything bad. like a guy who was a douche walks into the caf and Eric just glares at him the entire time

-sneaking kisses in deserted hallways

-actually a super cute secretive relationship because he’s madly in love with you but is shy about it???

-jumping on the bed to wake him up and he just pins you to his side because he needs more sleep. so you tickle him.

-learning the hard way just how dangerous showers can be

-he would totally have the weirdest work out routines. like you’d wake up at 2 in the morning to see him doing sit ups. he looks at you. you look at him. he continues.

-giving him hickies on his neck, saying you’re ‘adding to the aesthetic of the tattoos’

-lying in bed curled against his chest, absentmindedly drawing things on his chest with your finger

-or you on your stomach, no shirt, asleep and he traces stuff on your back, or kisses your back, he likes your back

-you dont have a lot of reasons to cry but when you do, he brushes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away the tears, then holds you to his chest because when you’re in his arms nothing can hurt you

-he loves to listen to you talk and he values your opinion so much, so when (or if?) you side with the divergents, he listens to your side of it and actually starts to agree, because if its the choice of being with your or hurting divergents, he chooses you.

-if you’re divergent? he would love you the same, if not more for trusting him enough to tell him. he would protect you till his last breath

-he’d call you ‘princess’ or ‘babe’ or ‘sweetheart’ maybe even ‘cupcake’ but in a condescending way

-rough rough rough but passion passion passion

-i dunno, i love him


requested by (x)

“I can sing!!”

Saw this post and I didn’t recognize the lyrics were from “Total Eclipse of the Heart” right off the bat. So I ended up looking up the music video and I couldn’t stop myself from drawing Pearl doing her own version of it bc it was so ridiculously her. (Also I imagine the Holo-Pearls sing like they’re Siri it would be perfect)

anonymous asked:

what are some embarrassing pickup lines mulder would use on scully on valentines day that would totally work

  • he’s used “you’ve abducted my heart” at some point every valentines day since 1993 even though it got markedly less adorable after he was literally abducted
  • “are you made of copper and thallium because you’re cu-te” and she said “you mean tellurium, mulder. thallium is ti not te” but she smiled anyways 
  • he texts her honest to god valentine’s day memes for the whole week leading up to valentine’s day. she has blocked his number 3 times
  • “if you were a triangle all your angles would be less than 90 degrees” “so an acute triangle” “get it scully….acute” 
  • scully once tried to fire back with her own science-inspired valentine’s day pick-up line and it was so complicated that he didn’t even understand what she meant and she had to take 15 minutes to explain it to him
  • “you must be the square root of x because i feel irrational around you” (she told him he was irrational all the time) 
  • “if you were a library book i’d check you out” he actually heard a teenager use this while they were doing research in the back of a library and he repeated it really quietly to scully and she told him his library card had been expired since last june 
  • not even pick up lines but he uses valentine’s day as an excuse to get disgustingly sentimental and he starts every sentence with “scully, love of my life, keeper of my heart, most beautiful woman in the world,” and ends with something mundane like “do you want me to make coffee”
  • (she always does she loves coffee) 
  • anyways!!! i need to stop talking about this now but i love mulder + valentine’s day 
not all managers are demons. but some are demon warriors!

So a little while ago, I worked at a popular fast food chain known for these golden arches to hell. Anyway, I was on the night shift and I despised the manager and the customers. Most of the customers were coming home from the bars, or high. So they were really nasty, rude and one actually waited in the parking lot for me. I had refunded him his money but refused to give him his food and he pitched a fit about it. Then threatened to follow me home.

My manager wouldn’t call the police (or let me either)  during that incident and I ended up hiding in the restaurant til nearly seven in the morning when he finally gave up and went home. This manager was just awful, they mostly stayed in the office, eating a sandwich and the fries all the time while they slowly did paperwork and other manager duties. Never helping me with any midnight rushes or anything. The manager was also gay and very proud of it, (which isn’t bad. I’m bisexual myself) But, like, he was constantly putting straight and bi people down, talking shit about other employees, and always fighting about politics. He also wouldn’t let me listen to my own music, insisting we listen to his, and he’d blast it really loud to where I couldn’t understand customers or him a lot. And on top of that, he was constantly talking about all of his mental disorders to excuse his laziness. in short, he was a very unprofessional manager, and I dreaded going to work every time.

After a while, I got sick of it and filed a complaint with the GM, who listened intently and told me he was sorry I was putting up with that and he would talk to the manager. So, a few days later, I come into work and am surprised to see a different manager. This time, a girl probably no older than 18 (she had to of been at least 18 to have that position anyway!) but she looked much younger. Anyway, she says she was the new night shift manager and i went about my normal duties.

This…girl…was…AWESOME. she helped with cleaning duties, was very patient when training new people and would help with the piles and piles of dishes. The evening manager sucked ass and would leave us with a lot of stuff. But, the night manager was super awesome about helping out and dealing with the more difficult customers. Calmly giving them the corporate numbers they demanded (and making notes as to what REALLY happened during those bad interactions)

A lot of the customers who came in at night (mostly men) would try to bully her, because she was so young looking. but she had none of their shit. I don’t think she raised her voice more than three times while we worked, but when she did, they would totally cower away in fear and run away with their tails between their legs. I totally looked up to her. Things definitely changed for the better. I wish I could say that she stuck around and shaped the store up, but after nine months, she quit her job and moved away. And a few months later, I quit and got a job elsewhere that didn’t make me want to tear my hair out.

Well, last summer, I was at a well known theme park in Orlando, and guess who I ran into there? my freaking awesome manager. She apparently had gone to culinary school ,did an internship and scored a job as a chef in one of their best restaurants. Super proud of that girl. I follow her on instagram, and learned she actually has been dealing with depression and anxiety. her job as a manager really pushed her to her limits. So, one day, she decided she had enough and that she did not want to work with the general public. so she had moved to a whole different area, and changed herself. All I’m saying is, that even though she struggled a lot internally, she didn’t let that affect her life or bring it with her to her job. She acted professionally and didn’t bring other people down