that this simple feeling won't be simple for so much longer

Going Home 1/1

Just a little one shot that I bashed out tonight after watching ‘Home again’

When I was a little girl I believed things would always be the same; that nothing would change. A child’s mind, held firmly in the present, living for each moment without a care that my small world would ever expand.  Held as I was in the protective cocoon my parents had created for us, nothing could touch me; I was invincible.

I spent an unremarkable childhood. I played, I fought with my siblings over trivialities, I learned. I grew.

Sure, we moved around a lot. Bill called us ‘Navy Brats’ and even when I was too young to really understand what the words meant, I would see the displeasure in my Mother’s eyes; because I came to know just how hard she fought to give us a childhood that, whilst nomadic in nature, was still rooted in stability. A stability that came from her.

My Mother.

The centre of my world back then. 

And even though my world expanded as the years went by, she remained always fiercely protective of me, her youngest daughter. 

Her baby girl.

I didn’t always appreciate her;  finding the involvement she sought within my life to be a dangerous distraction, becoming ever more fearful as I became embroiled deeper and deeper into the darkness that she might be targeted by the same men who fought so hard to destroy me.  A fight that had already robbed her of my sister and more than that, of her faith in me…..of her trust that good would always prevail.

And so I found myself distancing myself from her.  Turning away from her, not because I wanted to, but because I felt that it was the only way to protect her. 

It wasn’t her fight you see.  

I was wrong of course; because as my Mother, anything that hurt or harmed me was always her fight and it was only when I became a Mother myself that I truly understood.   But by then it was too late, because time and distance had driven an invisible wedge between us.  The unspoken words that I pushed away again and again until they remained in the background of our relationship. Tainting it as I had already been tainted.

I did what I did to protect her.  That’s what I always told myself, knowing all the time that it was a lie.  That really, I was just trying to protect myself.

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mistystarshine  asked:

I agree with your post on Akira, but since tumblr won't let me quote entire paragraphs for an ask, I'll just say, "Akira isn’t somehow immune to the world bearing down on the rest of her, she can’t abstain from the conflict to take a personal self help journey." <--- THIS. I'm hoping that Ishida knows this and, when she next appears on screen, will address it. 'Not taking a side' just isn't going to be an option for long. I love Akira's character, but she and Amon need to stop living in denial.

That’s my same stance too. I don’t really have a good word for this so I’m going to make one up, there’s this kind of assumed “human privilege” that some humans are innocent and get to choose whether to abstain from the fight or not.

It’s something we see Touka halfway acknowledge, but then not make the full connection when speaking of her and Akira’s fathers. That Mado had a choice, he could have simply chose not to fight against ghouls. She compares this to her own father, but that’s always struck me as off. Arata perhaps could have chosen not to work so hard to grow a kakuja, to defend himself so viciously against CCG officers, but even if he had chosen that he and his children still would have been hunted by the CCG and lived under that pressure their entire lives. 

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anonymous asked:

It must be hard to keep up this kind of blog. There will be times you won't feel inspired to write. I really admire you guys for your perseverance and worderful work replying to our asks. This blog is one of my favorites *^* Here's my ask: How would Hakogaku boys react if their S/O suddenly hugged them just because they wanted to hear their heartbeat?

(tttahioafknbfsdkf i have no words other than thank you for your sweet ones!! we really appreciate it!!)

As weird as he found it, Fukutomi wouldn’t quite understand the meaning behind wanting tohear his heartbeat, but he would allow you to continue nonetheless. It didn’t truly make much sense to him, the significance of listening to his heartbeat, but he would humor you either way; if he got a bit into it, too, he’d even reach a hand up to pet your head gently, in the spur of the moment.

Shinkai, even though he didn’t know what you were doing at first, would wordlessly wrap his arms around you as well, even picking you up and spinning you around for a split moment. Though you explained your intentions behind the initial hug, he wouldn’t mind it and he’d bring one of his hands up to your head, gently running his hand through your hair to bring more affection towards the moment you two shared.

Arakita would ask you why you thought it’d be a smart idea to hug him as suddenly as you did, and upon hearing your reasoning, he’d feel his cheeks starting to heat up and he would quiet down, mainly because he had no words to retort back any longer. He would want to hug you back, but he felt shy due to only just yelling at you; it would end in Arakita resting one hand on the back of your neck, leaning forward to rest his lips on your forehead rather than anything else.

As much as Toudou didn’t mind affection from you, the fact that it was a surprise made him get flustered over it, especially since he had let out an embarrassing squeal to it. Once you had explained yourself, though, he really couldn’t help the smile that came to his lips at your words and he told you that you were allowed to hear his heartbeat whenever you wanted to.

Izumida let out a small yelp of surprise once your arms were around his torso, his cheeks immediately turning to a red hue when he realized what you were doing. He wouldn’t know what else he should do to respond, other than simply letting you hug him for as long as you wanted. He’d relax eventually and find that the surprise was quite enjoyable in the long run.

Ashikiba thought your actions were absolutely adorable, surprising him with a hug while he was sitting on the couch (as it was the only way you’d be able to normally hear his heartbeat). He couldn’t hold back after a moment and immediately wrapped his arms around you, resting his cheek on the top of your head with a smile of content. He ended up turning it into a cuddling session rather than just a simple hug.

Kuroda was definitely taken by surprise when your head suddenly met with his chest, and he would express it by scolding you for doing something so needless like that. He would, after a while though, find comfort in having you close to his body as you were and subconsciously, yet lazily, rest his arms on the small of you back, resting his chin on the top of your head as you cuddled closer to him. He refuses to admit that he enjoyed the affection at all.

Though he was surprised, Manami didn’t mind your sudden display of affection and even laughed along with it, thinking you were simply just acting silly with him. When you told him you just wanted to hear his heartbeat, he didn’t think the smile on his lips could get bigger than it was already. He found your innocent act of affection to be absolutely endearing, and he wouldn’t hold back from commenting on how adorable you were acting out of nowhere.

Doubashi’s whole face turned red at your actions, him being unable to move due to being ultimately shocked by it; you would think that you had just gotten naked for him, but it was just a simple hug! He still was barely used to affection, so he didn’t know what to do, so in hopes he didn’t ruin your mood, he stood still, letting you hug him for as long as you wanted. He was, however, gradually becoming dizzy, and he felt like he was going to pass out from how sweet you were being…

Yuuto, after making sure there was a soft landing behind him, would purposely fall over after you made contact with him, wrapping his arms around you as he fell backwards. With a chuckle, he’d explain that you caught him too much by surprise that he couldn’t help doing it. Hearing that you only wanted to listen to his heartbeat, he would roll over onto his side and pull you closer to him, tilting his head downwards so he would be able to plant gentle kisses on the top of your head; his reasoning for this was simply, “because my cutie pie is the absolute best.”

anonymous asked:

the gom and their s/o making a bet on 20 dollars they won't get married to each other but their s/o win and on the day the married, they secretly slip the 20 dollars and whispered in the s/o ears they win (sorry if it's too long)


Akashi Seijurou: Akashi had always told you that marriage was the very last thing on his mind, that he had other things such as school and taking over his father’s business. He didn’t mind entertaining the idea when he spoke about it with you but wouldn’t solidify any plans, consistently restating that the future was always unpredictable. He doesn’t often make silly bets but he found the subject to be too amusing to not, and still found the memory of it to be amusing even on your wedding day. He promises to buy you anything you want with the twenty dollars, with you playfully pushing his shoulder and telling him that now that he owned a business, the interest on the bet had risen and he owed you much more.

Aomine Daiki: Aomine had never had a positive view on marriage to begin with, having always held the feeling that he’d never get married and he’d live the rest of his days as Japan’s most eligible bachelor. Part of his negative view comes from the fact that he’s worried about the divorce end game being a bit too difficult to deal with, confiding this in you once you got close enough, and telling you that it’d be the same with a less messy ending if you just remained dating. You understand his worries but as the years pass by, he feels his negativity towards marriage winding down, wondering why the thought of being a bachelor no longer seemed as appealing as it did in high school. Despite panicking beforehand as all his fears come back to mind he powers through it, the wedding turning out to be a big success (even if he did lose an extra amount to you due to that bet he’d never thought you’d remember).

Kise Ryouta: Kise liked to tell you what a wild soul he was, and how it was hard for him to want to stay in one place; he’d be happy to pull you around the world with him but would tease that a man like him could never be married, as he had to leave all his options open. When you shrug your shoulders at him he’s amused that your response isn’t immediately to punch him, asking if you wanted to make an official bet out of the ordeal so that if he DOES leave you, you’ll get at least some money from the relationship. Flashing forward to your wedding day he feels like he should’ve known something like this was coming along, especially since his views had always flip flopped; one day he wanted to travel, the other he just wanted something steady, he lived his life on the edge but sometimes that wasn’t the greatest option for his happiness. Meeting you at the altar he chuckles, telling you that you’d be getting much more of his money than before if you chose to leave him now.

Kuroko Tetsuya: Kuroko had never really had an opinion on marriage to begin with, figuring that if he ever met the person who have him daydreams of it he would be fine with it, but would be completely fine if he never met a single person who could tame his will to be free. He had only been joking when he said he would never marry you, trying to explain it to you after you take him rather seriously and attempt to make a bet from it. When you seem adamant about getting him to marry you, he gives up on his explanation and agrees, deciding he needed to work on his tone and delivery a bit more before teasing you about a serious topic again. At your wedding he nearly refuses to give up the money to you, telling you that since he was joking, any conversation that came after that was ALSO just a joke and therefore not to be regarded seriously; you pick it out of his pocket during the ceremony, laughing at the look on his face and telling him that you’d known he was joking all along, but that you still got your way. 

Midorima Shintarou: You had been hurt when Midorima told you that it was highly unlikely that the two of you, a simple couple in high school, would get married in the future. You had quickly let it go as your relationship blossomed and appreciated the time that you had together back then, not wanting to sweat the small stuff (as he could say plenty of insensitive things without meaning them). Meeting him at the altar on your wedding day made the conversation you’d had with him about marriage seem even funnier; he had offered you the money before the wedding, not wanting to give it in front of prying eyes, but smiles as you whisper in his ear, “I told you we weren’t just some statistic, Doctor.”

Murasakibara Atsushi: Murasakibara doesn’t mean to sound as annoyed with the concept as he does when the topic is brought up between you, and he doesn’t really mean that he’d never marry you, just saying that the idea of marriage is a pain. He’d mention worrying about being nagged to do this and that, that the concept of having to take care of kids, which would take up a lot of energy, just didn’t appeal to the simple life that he wanted to live. You tell him to never underestimate your charm and how hard he’s going to keep falling for you (which he dismisses), so you decided to make him bet on it with his snack money. When he tries to hand you the money at the wedding you rebuff it, telling him it’s better spent on snacks than a partner that he’s going to be with the rest of his life (when you tell him he was going to have to share with you, he let out a groan that confused many family members in the audience). 

anonymous asked:

I'm having a hard time with anxiety, mainly that my current state of feeling sad and worried will be permanent and that if anything else bad happens I won't be able to handle this, I know it's just anxiety and that to worry about the future is dumb but do you have any tips?

Hello and thank you for reaching out. I’m not sure why I can’t find the reply privately button, but since you posted this anonymously, I hope you don’t mind that the answer is public. Maybe somebody will benefit from this as well.

Anxiety is a very natural feeling when things are out of control. But the funny thing about anxiety is, if you feed it, it will take over the things you already have control of and put you under more stress and chaos. So, see, the more you stress out the worse things will get and that will make you even more anxious.

My advice is simple, though not easy, don’t think about it. Whenever you find yourself thinking about something that causes you anxiety, stop yourself. Take a walk, listen to some uplifting music, talk to a friend (about something unrelated). I found out that if you keep yourself busy, productive, and active, you will feel more fulfilled and probably too tired to think about anything anyway. Take on a few hobbies, focus more on work or school, work out for longer hours… Again, this is not easy, but it’s simple, and the more you train yourself to do it, the easier it gets.

I want you to know that you’re not alone. There are thousands of people like you and so,e have it much worse. And I want you to know that you are strong and can get through this. And one day, you will be an inspiration to others and you will inspire yourself.

If you feel yourself losing control over your emotions, there are always people you can talk to, professionals who can help you get to the bottom of the problem so you can cure it. Until then, please feel free to message me any time. is always open for you. No matter how silly you think it is, I care, and I will listen.

Stay strong and positive.
All the love ❤️💐