that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke

Miraculous Fluff Month

Day 14: Telling the Truth

“Okay, it’s time,” Alya declared, out of the blue.

Marinette was jolted awake by her best friend’s voice. Nino and Adrien had turned in their seats to face the girls.

“What? What’s the time?” Marinette’s sleepy voice asked.

Nino shook his head in amusement.

“She said ‘it’s time’, as in the beginning of a long awaited conversation.”

“Oh. Okay, what’s ‘it time’ for?”

Alya and Nino shared a look before giving their respective best friends their serious look.

“Why are either one of you half asleep at almost any given time?”

“Why do you guys miss class so often?”

“What’s with the crazy long bathroom breaks?”

“Why do you always smell like cheese, dude?”

Adrien and Marinette froze, knowing their own answers, but looked at each other when they realized their best friends were talking to both of them.

“I know why I do, but why do you?”

“Why would you do the same thing as me?”

They both questioned simultaneously.

Alya leaned forward, snapping her fingers in between them.

“Uh-uh. You’ll answer me first. No asking anymore questions until I get my answers.”

The heroes spoke at the same time again.

“I can’t answer.”

“No comment.”

Nino’s eyebrows rose at how different their demeanors were. No longer were they joking, childish teenagers. Now, they were blank faced, refusing to share their secrets.

“Come on, dudes. You know how Alya is, she’ll find out whatever you’re hiding eventually. It would be easier to just give in now. What would be so bad you couldn’t tell your best friends?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I made a promise.”

They were beginning to sound like twins, answering similarly at the same moment.

Alya was growing suspicious.

“You know, I’m a reporter. I will find out. It’s just whether you tell me or I have to spy on you and figure it out myself.”

They both laughed, but it was Marinette who responded, to all of their surprise.

“Trust me, you won’t figure out my secret. And I can’t tell you. It’s not really my secret to tell.”

Alya seemed to have accepted this, since she responded with a nod. Then, she turned toward Adrien, whom Marinette was also curious to hear from.

“What about you?”

He paled. “I made a promise.”

Her eyebrow rose. “And? I promised I would go to bed at a reasonable hour, which I obviously didn’t.”

“I don’t break my promises.”

Alya laughed.

“Of course you don’t, little cinnamon roll.”

Adrien’s face became one full of confusion.

“I’m not a dessert.”

The rest of the group laughed, making Adrien even more confused.

Alya and Nino left, leaving the two heroes alone.

They both turned to each other and repeated their earlier questions. Neither of them could understand the other, so they took turns staying quiet and urging the other to talk, but they kept doing it at the same time.

Eventually, they both dissolved into laughter.

Adrien wiped a tear from his eye and voiced what was on both their minds.

“This is purr-diculous.”

They both froze, Adrien growing pale.

“I mean-”

“You said what you mean,” Marinette interrupted. “And it was terrible. The worst pun you’ve ever made.”

Adrien tilted his head in confusion.

“What are you talking about? I don’t think I’ve made many puns around you.”

“But of course you have…minou.”

Adrien’s expression didn’t change at first, but then the gears in his head started turning.

“…My Lady?”

Marinette just nodded, but it put a huge grin on Adrien’s face.

He leaned forward and hugged her, squeezing the life out of her.

“I found you,” he whispered.

“No, I found you.”

Alya burst into the classroom, with Nino sprawled out on the floor.

“Okay. The truth. Now.”


Happiness is a Warm Gun

Joker x Reader

Masterlist | Requests

Prompt: Hey, I just wanted to say I ABSOLUTLY ADORE your writing and I was wondering if you could do a piece were Puddin captures the reader and gets her to strip for him? Very kinky, very dirty smutty smutty smutty smut.

{A/N} I had fun with this, honestly, thank you haha. More of your requests are coming! Thank you for being patient, I’m doing them in the order I receive them!
xo Harley

Warnings: Some violence/abuse, cursing, very kinky, very dirty smutty smutty smutty smut. Also gun play, sorta, so theres that.

The rain seemed to spill from buckets onto the windows of your small apartment. A {F/B} LP spins on your record player as it clashes with the sounds outside. A warm cup of tea keeps your left hand occupied as your right one holds the novel Lolita. As gloomy as the day was, you enjoyed this every time the rain fell, and took solace in the company of your favorite band, a book, a cup of tea and your cat.

Your life was never very eventful, and you have no set direction or calling, but you always valued the little things in life. After all, it’s the little things that add up to the grand scheme of things, and you take solace in it. Reading and tea is good enough for you, and you knew that much about yourself. 

You’re not the girl who goes out and parties, or subdues herself with violent or dangerous vices. After seeing how old friends turned out from just that, you were okay with your vanilla habits. 

 You take a sip from your {F/T} tea and run your hand along your cats tail as {he/she} hops off of the plush bench in the alcove and runs into the other room. Strange.. you think, putting your tea down and setting the open book on the cushion before you get up and walk to your room to grab a cat toy to entertain {her/him}. As you push the door open further, your eyes land on a man standing in front of your large, full length mirror, checking himself out, startling you to say the least as your eyes pop open and your hand grips onto the door. 

“This jacket, it’s new. But I think it really looks good on a guy.. What do you think?” He says, keeping his eyes on his own reflection. 

You’re unsure if he can see you in the mirror, but your eyes stay glued to his shoes, almost burning holes into them as your mind hastily runs through files of information that you may have come across in your years that could possibly help you in a situation like this. Your first thought is to quickly run back into the kitchen and grab a knife, but what if he’s got a gun? 

Trying to quietly swallow hard, your eyes move upwards. He’s slender, built and so, very cocky. His stance is that of a man who knows exactly what he’s worth and who he is, and something about it is almost attractive as you carry on, now more curious, to his face in the mirror. He was pale, and the dark purple trench coat only brought out the green in his hair. His face has tattoos and his icy gaze could mesmerize you without question. Quickly and completely by accident, your eyes now catch each other’s in the mirror, and the smile that slides across his face is nothing short of devilish.

A mixture of emotions course through your tense body as he turns slowly, a mock frown turning on his lips. 

“Don’t be scared, sweetie pie, daddy just wants to play with you a little..”

“Daddy?” You ask. 

It wasn’t really in your repertoire to call someone daddy. You haven’t been quite a sexual person with anyone else, and it wasn’t that you haven’t had experience, you just weren’t sure you ever found someone who really made your heart jump from your chest enough. 

“Oh,” a long laugh emits from his ruby red stained lips, and you can make out every “ha ha” as he does so. “I’m gonna teach you a few things, baby doll.”

Your shoulders slide back, and you turn your cheek slightly. Now would be the time to grab a knife, you think. But something in you pulls at the thought of him. Pulls at the thought of calling him daddy. You’re unsure of the feeling between your thighs as he slowly turns around to face you now, revealing his bare torso riddled with tattoos. 

“Joker..” you read out loud, still rather quietly as your eyes fixate on the lettering above his naval. 

“That’s my name, doll, don’t wear it out,” he says, his voice gravely as takes a step in your direction. “And you, {Y/N}, are one sizzlin’ lady." 

His eyes fall on your exposed shoulder from the oversized sweater you had on before he walks towards your closet, shaking his head. 

I want you to show it off for me…“ 

 Still in shock, you’re watching as he starts thumbing through hangers in your closet, completely making himself at home. How does he know my name? I’ve never seen him before in my life but… Your mind recalls the television broadcasts and news articles about him. They all seem to run through your head like an old film reel and your heart begins to quicken all over again. 

"You’re gonna kill me.” You say, your voice hollow. 

The words seemed to slow down the world, and you could only think of your cat who’d miss you terribly. 

“Oh I’m not gonna kill ya… I’m gonna hurt ya, and you might like it.” He says, yanking a little {F/C} dress from a hanger, breaking it in the process. “Put this on.” He says, throwing it at you. 

You instinctively catch the dress in your hands, flustered and confused. 


You move to the bathroom, removing your clothes and slipping into the dress. Even you couldn’t help but like what you saw when you looked in the mirror, but you’d only bought that dress on impulse, and you remembered that as you pulled off the tag. 

You emerge from the bathroom, and he coincidently chucks the pair of black heels you bought to pair with the dress. 

"Be a good little girl, put on your shoes, and lets go." 

You begin to panic now, afraid of going anywhere. 

"I’m not going anywhere with you!” You say, throwing your shoes back at him. “Go away!" 

 The trembling starts in your fingers and makes its way to the rest of your body as his cold stare meets your terrified one. In what feels like only seconds, he pulls a sash from his pocket, grabs your wrists and ties them together. Trying to fight him was the only thing you could think to do, but as soon as he let go, the bones in your wrists were pressing together, and the sash was digging into your flesh, feeling like it could cut off your circulation. 

“Fucker!” You manage to say as he pushes you onto the floor, taking your shoes and angrily putting them on for you.

“If you don’t wanna take the easy route, kitten, I have no problems with it,” he spits as he finished putting your shoes on, yanking you back up by your arm and dragging you through your apartment and out of the door. You whimper, wondering if you should take the chance in the empty street and call for help. You were on the bottom floor, and your door lead right outside, surely someone would hear you.

“Help! Somebody! Please, help m-”

Before you know it, you’re slammed against the wall, and theres a stinging on your cheek. Blinking a few times, your slowly turn your head back to face him. The hues of blue in his eyes up close look almost clear as you try to compose yourself. His expression is stern, and you feel compelled to listen to him now, and the feeling between your thighs is back, stronger now.

“What did I say about being a good little girl for daddy? I don’t want to ruin that pretty little face before I get to devour that, hot little body..”

His hand slides to the inside of your thigh, running his fingers up and down slowly, and you can almost see his expression change in just the least as he teases himself with the warmth of your skin in such a place. Your chest rises as falls, and as horrified as you were at the thought of something so gruesome, some, strange man kidnapping you and attempting at having you the way he wants, you couldn’t help but be aroused.

A jagged laugh leaves his lips as his eyes fall on your chest, noticing your erect, pierced nipples under the thin fabric of your dress. 

“Oh, you are a little freak, too. That’s okay… Just, like, me.”

Your piercings were a small show of rebellion for yourself. Just because you don’t do drugs or party every night, doesn’t mean you can’t do things that seem taboo to other people in other ways. 

He peels you off of the wall and pulls you to his purple Lamborghini, which stood out at your building to begin with. You wondered for a moment how you didn’t hear it earlier, once he threw you inside and turned on the car himself. The music was loud, thudding through the entire area, and he steps on the gas and speeds off, while you inwardly panic, planning an escape as soon as you get to where every you’re going.

“Hey honey, I gotta ask a big favor,” his voice roars, cocky and thick with a smile above the engines own roar and the musics loudness. “Maybe I’m wrong, but does this smell like chloroform to you?” 

He holds a rag to your nose and mouth, and you begin to scream, trying to wriggle away from it. The last thing you hear is his laughter as everything goes black and quiet around you. Oh his laughter.. When he pulled his little joke on you, it sounded like he was the happiest man on earth. 

Everything is hazy, blurry and fading either in or out- you can’t tell- as your eyes blink. The light around you is dim, and you try to move away, panic setting in slowly again as you come to. As you struggle to open your eyes more, praying it was all a bad dream, you see a blurry figure, sitting on a couch in front of you. The figure has green hair, no shirt, and pale skin. You want to cry, scream for help, but you’re too weak. 

Little by little, adrenaline kicks in, causing you to wake up more.

“Look at that mascara, running down those cheeks for me. God, you’re so pretty..” 

“I’m not doing anything for you!” You cry out, noticing you’re in the VIP area of a club as you scream over the music. You knew you were done for now, everyone was drunk, no one cared or paid any attention. No one would help.

“Now, now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” he says, bringing his tattooed hand over his mouth as he watches you struggle to sit up. 

You notice the grin tattooed on his hand and you can’t help but be curious about it for only a second as you stare back at him once you’ve finally managed to sit up.

“What to do with you, my doll.. What to do..”

You stay quiet. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Surely not in a public place would he do something drastic to you. 

“Hey boss, we have a-”

“Shut up and get out,” Joker replies to his goon, pulling a gun and aiming it at him. You squeak and jump at the sight of the gun, tears welling up in your eyes again as the man holds his hands up and leaves. 

Fuck. He owns the place.

“Get up,” he tell you, pointing the gun at you now. 

This is it. I’m fish food when he’s done. 

You stand up, trembling just slightly again as you try to gain balance after being drugged and scared in your high heels. He stands up now, and steps closer to you. Your eyes stay on whats going on on the other side of the beaded curtain that separates you from the rest of the club. Trying to find an escape, if only in your mind, you concentrate on the people, the music, everything but what’s happening to you.

Suddenly, you feel your hands fall apart and your wrists gaining more feeling. Your initial thought is to run, but knowing (or thinking) that you can get away, you stay put. His hand reaches out for your face, trailing it to your {H/C} hair, and sliding his fingers through it. His fingertips graze the back of your neck, and your skin crawls. There’s that feeling again.

His hand continues to slide down your back, cupping your ass just slightly as he slides it back up, quickly bringing the gun to your back with his other hand as he whispers in your ear, his voice sultry and dark.

Strip for me..”

The gun on your back leaves as he slides it around to your side and walks back to the couch. Sitting down, Joker leans back into the plush leather, gun in one hand as he gestures towards you to start.

“Do not, keep daddy waiting.”

The gun in his hand was terrifying and yet sexy, and you exhale as you bring your hands back to your own body, sliding your fingers along your hips. You’ve never stripped for anyone before, and this was not your ideal first time.. But catching sight of the arousal in his pants already may have changed your mind as you slide your fingers up to the straps of your dress. Your body begins to sway softly to the music thudding in the club as your slide the straps off of your shoulders one by one, letting your fingers caress every curve and divot of your figure again.

Wanting to tease him, your hands go for the bottom of your short dress as you turn around, sliding it up slowly to expose your {B/T} thighs more. You roll your head back, your {H/L} hair falling over your shoulders as you spread your legs just a bit more, exposing one cheek and cupping your own ass before bending over to show it all to him. You catch him shifting in his seat, leaning forward on his knees now as you roll your body back up slowly, turning around to face him again and lifting your dress slowly as you walk closer towards him, standing between his legs now.

You were already wet at the mere fact that you were doing this for him, especially in a sea of people, and his eyes were still only on you. His hands reach out and grip into your thighs as you slide your dress up further, exposing your glistening essence to him. He leans in and kisses your thigh, tingling every bit of skin his lips grace. You push him back slightly, sudden confidence coursing through you, and he lifts a brow, his expression almost screaming ‘oh really now?’ 

A smile slides across his features as your hands slide back up, your fingers sliding between your breasts. Your hands glide over the fabric again before they cut your breasts. You let your fingers run over your nipples as you bite your lip, pulling on one of them. A soft groan escapes you as you find yourself doing this more for you at the moment, and he’s salivating just watching. His hands move along your legs as you pull at the top of your dress now, just barely exposing your nipples him. The look in his eyes is almost pained as you stop. A smirk slides across your features as you make eye contact with him now. 

“That’s my good girl.. I knew you had it in ya..”

Your hair is a mess, your skin is almost damp from the heat of the room and of the moment, and you giggle just slightly through lowered eyelids as you slide the rest of your dress down slowly. Bringing it over your hips, you let it fall around your heels. 

“Do I get to have you in me, daddy?” You ask, a big grin on your face now as you look at him. It almost feels like something in you snapped, and you just want to act on instinct. 

“Oh baby doll..” he groans, unbuttoning his pants and leaning in to kiss your thighs. You could tell he was proud of you and something in that gave you butterflies. His kisses led from your thigh up to your hip, his mouth trailing only inches away from your folds. He breathes against you before delving in, his tongue sliding along your slit. You moan, a hand playing with his green hair as the other pulls on your nipple. His tongue darts over your clit over and over and you almost laugh at the pleasure coursing through you.

He pulls back, grabbing your shoulders and turning your around, bending you over the table in front of the couch. He takes a long, clean cloth napkin and wrings it up, slapping your ass with it before pulling it back over your mouth and gagging you as your hands grip onto the table. His hand drags over the napkin and trails back to your hair, gripping into it and yanking it back. He grabs his gun with the other hand and glides the the end of the barrel over your back, the cold metal giving you chills. 

You can feel it sliding over your ass, stopping as he holds it at your sweet spot. 

“Happiness is a warm gun, ain’t it?” He growls, sliding it up and down your core again as you moan under the gag. You hang your head before he pulls it back by your hair. Instinctively, you move your hips to press further into his gun, letting it glide against your wetness now as he slips it between your folds further.

“Ask daddy nicely, and maybe I’ll give you want you want..” He coos, still gliding the gun agonizingly slow along your core.

Please beg through the makeshift gag. In a rush, you feel his torso on your back and see the gun next to your face. He couldn’t wait any longer, torturing himself at the sight of you like this for him. What he had only seen around town as a sweet, innocent girl, being so dirty, so naughty just for him. His game was corruption, and everyone knew it. He uses a few fingers to pull the gag down from your mouth as he pushes himself into your core, sending a wave of pleasure from your essence to your head and your toes. A loud moan leaves you as he grunts, sliding in and out of your wetness.

“Lemme hear you moan for daddy, huh kitten?”

Almost on cue, you moan for him, unable to take the heat between your thighs now as you buck your hips to meet his thrusts. He presses his wet gun against your lips, leaning down further to watch as you take the now warm gun into your mouth, sucking on it as he continues to throw you both into ecstasy. 

A loud, satisfied hoot leaves him as he continues to push into you, growing sloppier by the second. You can hear him laugh as he bites into your shoulder, trailing down your back with bruises until he stands up straight.


“More, daddy..” you beg with a grin as his hand makes contact with your ass again and again. His hands reach for your hips and he pulls you back into him roughly as he reaches his climax, the feeling only guiding you into yours. 

One more slap stings your ass as he pulls out of you, a sort of “job well done” one this time as you pant, leaning down further on the table and loosening your grip on the edge. He squeezes your ass before turning around, buttoning his pants again and sliding a hand back through his emerald hair. The dress lands next to you as he tosses it back, looking around the room back on his guard as he wards off any stares that they may have attracted with his own icy glare as you stand back up, sliding into your {F/C} dress again. You smooth it out, and attempt to smooth out your hair while you turn back to him, half sitting on the table as you kick a leg up, leaning back on your arms and biting your lip.

“You’re gonna do just nicely at my side..” he says as he turns around, admiring a bruise already surfacing on your clavicle. 

the untitled photographer one | part one

You’ve only been in love once. You and your boyfriend had been together since your sophomore year of high school. Everyone in your friend group at school wanted the relationship that you and this boy had. When you two made it through your first year of college without any problems, you thought that you were going to marry him—he was the love of your life. You were going to an art school to become a photographer, and he was going to tech school to become an engineer. You had your entire future planned out with him, even down to the ring he would propose to you with when the time came.

Little did you know, he had been cheating on you for the last two years of your relationship with one of your best friends that was in your friend group, and all of your friends knew about it, but ‘didn’t have the heart to tell you’. That is, until your friend, Shawn, came home from his tour and asked how you were doing after ‘the break up’, since he assumed that if everyone else knew about the cheating, you sure as heck would’ve known as well and dumped him. Except you didn’t know. Everyone knew but you. So not only did you leave your boyfriend, you also left your friends back home and threw yourself into your school work, casting off all boys forever.

You were never really that close with Shawn. All of your other friends were always all over him, especially when he started getting famous, but you were always too invested in your relationship with your ex to even think about another boy. That’s why it seemed so out of the blue when you got that call from Shawn that day, telling you about how he showed his tour photographer some of your photos that you had taken and edited and wants you to come work and shoot with him on Shawn’s tour, since his usual other shooter, Heather, can’t join them until halfway in. Of course, you couldn’t turn down an opportunity to get some field work and build up your portfolio while traveling the world. However, since you left your friend group, it seemed odd to you that Shawn would even think to show his photographer your stuff in the first place—it had been a good year or so since the incident, but you weren’t about to question it.

Finally, the day has come that you embark on your first adventure with Shawn and his team. His official tour is finally about to start, and it’s kicking off with a show in Scotland.

Your first flight to London leaves at 8AM, so you have to be at the airport at 6, just to make sure you have time to get through customs and everything. When the dreaded alarm rings at 4AM, you hoist yourself out of bed and into the shower to get yourself awake. When you’ve finished your shower and dry yourself off, you throw on your airport clothes, which consist of a pair of black (super-stretchy) skinny jeans, a grey t shirt, your trusty oversized jean jacket, and your Adidas sneakers.  You decide to bypass doing your makeup and to let your hair air dry while you go over your packing list to make sure you have everything you need for the layover night in London and the first leg of the tour. Being the type A that you are, you unpack and repack your suitcase so it is perfectly neat and organized, and by the time you finish and look at the time on your clock, it is 4:55.

Shawn said he’d have a car to pick you up at your townhouse on campus at 5, so you quickly say goodbye to your roommates, grab a cliff bar, and head out the door. You’re surprised when you see a black Jeep Wrangler roll up instead of the typical small car that most car service companies use. The jeep turns into your driveway, and you see that the so called car coming to pick you up, was actually Shawn himself. He hops out of the car and makes his way over to where you’re standing on the little stoop.

“Morning!” He greets you by wrapping you up in a surprisingly large bear hug. You’re a little taken aback by his fond gesture, but you sink into him anyway. “You ready for this?”

“Yeah, I’m super excited! I’ve never been to the UK before, or really out of the country, or even on a plane for that matter.” You tell him, as he grabs your suitcase to put in the back of the car.

“Really? Well, good thing you’re taking your first flight with us. We’re pros at getting in and out of an airport in record time.” You let out a nervous laugh. You’re slightly terrified of flying, but you’re even more terrified of airports. They’re so big and busy that your anxiety level goes through the roof.

You hop into the passenger side of the car, buckling your seatbelt, and Shawn does the same. He starts the car back up and takes off from your driveway to the airport. The ride is rather silent, neither of you really know what to say, since you haven’t talked much or hung out in a long time, what with going to school and him being on tour.

“By the way, thanks again for agreeing to come with us! Josiah likes having a second shooter, and since Heather can’t come until later, you’re really saving some ass.” Shawn interrupts the almost awkward silence. You’re thankful that he did, because you had about 30 more minutes in the car and you couldn’t for the life of you think of something to say.

“I should be thanking you! This is such an amazing opportunity.” You say, and he nods.

“It’s going to be a lot of fun!” He says, and the silence returns.

A few minutes pass, and you decide that you can’t sit in the quiet anymore—not if you’re about to spend every waking minute with Shawn and his team.

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize,” You start and Shawn tilts his head in confusion. “I know after everything went down with me and Ben I kind of dipped out of our friend group, and—”

Shawn stops you there and says, “Hey, don’t even worry about it. Everyone deals with things in their own way. Don’t apologize for how you deal with stuff. I’m just sorry I was the one that told you—I swear I thought you would’ve known.”

You shake your head and look into his caramel eyes, finally getting a good look at them for the first time today. “Someone should’ve told me a lot sooner, it’s not your fault. And I’m really thankful you did tell me—I’m not sure anyone else would’ve.”

“You know, I never liked Ben. I could never really see what you saw in him.” Shawn adds, and you shrug your shoulders.

“I don’t know. I mean he was cute and super sweet in the beginning. He was the first boy to ever make me feel… I don’t know. Pretty? I guess? I know it sounds superficial, but I don’t know. Too bad he turned out to be a giant cock ass, huh.” You joke, and let out a forced laugh, trying to ignore how quickly this conversation got deep.

“It’s not superficial, we all like to feel good about ourselves. But you’re right about the cock ass thing. He’s such a douche. Like I just don’t get it. You’re this amazing, funny, smart, and not to mention beautiful girl, and he has the audacity to cheat on you? It just doesn’t make any sense!” He starts getting heated, and you’re completely frozen in your seat, not knowing how to take what he just poured out. Did he mean to say them? If he liked you like that, he wouldn’t have just blurted out how he feels like that, would he?

You shrug your shoulders again, deciding that you’re not going to look into it any further. “Ehh, Lyla is pretty amazing, too, so I’m not really mad. I just hope he finally found who he was looking for.”

Shawn looks at you confused, not really sure how you could be so cool with the whole situation, so you continue. “I mean, obviously he didn’t think we were right for each other, so I hope that he finds what he wants in a girl in Lyla. I was mad at first, but now I kinda just want it all to go away—to move on. Does that make sense?”

You look back to Shawn who is wearing a pitiful, almost sad expression on his face.

“Oh, don’t give me that look, Mendes, I’m fine. It’s fine, really. At least I’m not stuck with a guy who obviously didn’t want me anymore. It was a good thing.” You tell Shawn and he just nods.

“Amazing,” he mutters under his breath thinking you can’t hear, but you do, and you hide your smile by turning your gaze out the window.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

imagine: kuroshitsuji but with tanakas POV

OMG! Would make everything hilariously better than it currently is since Tanaka is Sebastian’s senpai and probably the true MVP of this story (considering the amount of things he probably knows about what’s going on), even if it doesn’t work for all the arcs. xDD

  • Tanaka and the early days of Kuroshitsuji:
    • “Hello, I’m a chibi who constantly drinks tea in the background.”
    • “#tea”
    • “That’s all.” 
    • “Also #donburi, because that demon kouhai of mine totally is a weeaboo.”
  • Tanaka and Ciel’s abduction by the Italian Mafia:
    • “#tea”
    • “#tea #tea #te– oh a pie, perfect to go with my tea!”
    • “what do you mean the young master was abducted?”
    • “by the way Mey Rin, don’t bother with polishing the cutlery. The demon took them all with him, I’ll have to ask the young master to buy some more once he’s back. Blood stains are really a bitch to get rid off.”
  • Tanaka and the Jack the Ripper arc
    • “And that’s one more relative buried 6 feet under. I might not be a genius at chess, but even I understand that you need to keep as many pawns as possible otherwise the game is over.” 
    • “I always bet on the Midford family as the last survivors of this mess anyway.”
    • “The good thing though is that, as a Japanese character, it’s easy to put an end to the debate ‘is Grell male or female’ within the household, since I’m familiar with what the term ‘okama’ is all about.“ 
  • Tanaka and the Curry arc
    • “so two Indian men, a Chinaman from the triad and an old Japanese warrior turned into an English butler all arrive in the young master’s townhouse in London…. Seriously it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, it’s probably why I wasn’t really involved in this arc.”
    • “I mean, aside from drinking my tea, obviously. In the background.”
    • “TFW the Queen and her secretary have cool sunglasses and I only own the equivalent of half a pair of glasses tho’.”
  • Tanaka and the Circus arc
    • “Someone will have to explain to me why I even bothered hiding dead bodies from Lady Elizabeth, when I know for a fact that she’s deadly and that she probably only was pretending not to hear all the commotion in the first place”. 
    • “Oh shit, the servants destroyed a large part of the manor I am freaking out…… Just kidding, I know the demon will fix it back in 5 minutes and I have to watch out for my blood pressure anyway. I know I don’t look 80+ but I’m not immortal.”
  • Tanaka and the Murders at Manor arc: 
    • “Or the day I got my job back after 4 years of silently waiting and drinking tea in the damn background. Finally.” 
    • “I know it won’t last because my kouhai is a demon and he’s not really dead though. Don’t worry I’ll soon be back to my Chibi condition.”
    • “By the way, if I can see through the young master not being the real Ciel then I can see through his act of feeling devastated by the demon’s death. You ain’t fooling me.… what’s your name again?”
    • “All in all, the hardest part was not laughing at the demon’s fake funeral, but if the Undertaker can hold it in, then I have to manage as well.” 
  • Tanaka and the Campania arc
    • “I wasn’t there because the young master wasn’t clever enough to take me along instead of the demon, even though he knew Lady Frances would be here.” 
    • “I always knew the Undertaker was bad news though. I mean, he never once washed his hair ever since my first mistress, Lady Claudia, died, so if that’s not foreshadowing that he’d end up insane, I don’t know what is.” 
    • “The real question should be where was I during the Easter chapter at the end of this arc, because I was the only one who didn’t participate in the egg hunt.” 
    • “I know that it might be because I’m the one who taught Lady Elizabeth all these ninja moves and that they wanted a fair hunt, but still, it hurt my feelings…especially since Bard blew up the kitchen and I had no more tea to drink after that. It’s not because I am old that I can’t feel lonely.”
  • Tanaka and the Weston arc: “
    • “So you know that pie filled with super strong laxatives that the demon prepared for Red House? I exchanged it with the thing Bard ‘cooked’. Poor kids.”
    • “’Blue House won!’ Wow. So not expected.”
    • “LMFAO aaaand obviously they fell in the water. That part didn’t happen 20 years ago.”
    • “…I feel there is a discrimation problem in Kuroshitsuji though? After he left the school, the young master bought something for every servant but me and I’m coincidentally the only Japanese character around??? Mey Rin even had a new pair of glasses WHEN I HAD TO MANAGE WITH THE SAME MONOCLE FOR AT LEAST THE LAST 15 YEARS!!”
  • Tanaka and the Green Witch arc:
    • “Oh no… Werewolves. What. Am I really supposed to believe in that shit when I already am acquainted with demons and shinigamis?”
    • “I know I should pretend harder to be worried about the young master’s current state, but he already sold his soul to a demon so it can’t get any worse… waIT, DEMON, COME BACK! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?”
    • “Best part of the arc: not the moment where I’m badass and cutting down bullets even though I only own half a pair of glasses (because that happens in England too) but when I meet with my old friend Heinrich.” 
    • “We both got through so much together, having to always prepare tons of sandwiches for Lord Diedrich, because Master Vincent was constantly stressing him out. It’’s no legend, sandwiches make great friendships happen.”
  • Tanaka and the Blue Sect arc
    • “….First appearance in two years of this arc being published and I’m being shit on for being seen as the real Ciel’s ally.“
    • “It’s not my fault that I’m not surprised and that I apparently know why he’s back from the dead, even if I can’t tell you why yet!
      …Not sure there has to be a reason.”
    • “No, I’m not ‘Lord Polaris’!”

Haha, omg poor Tanaka who has to deal with so much shit!

Thanks for sharing Anon, it was fun! Have a nice day! ^_^


Teen Wolf Imagine:#119

Word Count: 622

Warnings: None that I can think of?

Summary: 7 Years of friendship!

A/n: So it’s official, 1 year ago today I created this blog to post my writing on. 1 year ago today I created this blog and made an introductory post, then one week later I posted my first imagine so over the course of the next 7 days I’ll be posting imagines related to friendship, anniversaries and birthdays for my blogaversary and on the last day, after the last themed imagine is posted there will be a surprise so keep an eye out for that! I’m so excited to share this with you all and I hope you enjoy :)

Originally posted by collateraldamageaf


Coming Soon

Last Imagine

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neonlightwood-deactivated201708  asked:

PROMPT (obviously jimon): “I was going to ask what you’re doing, but at this point, I don’t think I want to know.”

“…. Uhm.”

Jace cracks one eye open to peer at his intruder. It doesn’t help much, as he’s lying on his stomach and whoever’s dumb enough to barge into his room is standing up.

“Whatdoyouwant…” he asks, eloquently. When no answer comes, Jace makes what seems like a herculean effort to roll over and onto his back. Simon is standing by the door, biting one of his nails and shifting his weight from foot to foot. “What?”

Simon looks over his shoulder and out the door. He turns his head back to the room. “You know what? It’s cool. I think I’ll just take the couch tonight.”

Jace blinks lazily a few times. Simon coming in and out of his eyesight. The fourth time he does it, everything blacks out.

The first thing Jace registers when he wakes up is this searing pain, like someone was trying to squeeze his brain out of his skull. He groans and immediately regrets it when the vibration accentuates the throbbing.  

The second thing he noticed was that the pillow smelled like Simon’s cologne.

“What the fuck,” he breathes out. Opening his eyes, slowly, he realizes that the scent wasn’t the only thing out of place in that scenario. Last time he checked, his room didn’t have a guitar case. Or a Star Wars poster.

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Second Go - Garden

Hello! Here is my first contribution to @bmblbweek, I’m really looking forward to sharing it! This is an au of sorts as well as falling under the garden prompt, I hope you all enjoy!

AO3 (1.3k, PG, Fluff)

Blake’s first date with Yang Xiao Long was not the most momentous occasion. The blonde had taken her to a club with loud blaring electronica, bright flashing lights, and too many people. She had been perfect company and having known Yang for a while, Blake had never found her rude or oblivious, except for this.  Something had changed that night. Yang, even though it was supposed to be “relaxing” felt stiff and unlike herself. Blake assumed it was nervousness and because of that, she had chosen to forgive and forget the evening.

That was, until Yang —the breathtaking, kind, smart, vivacious girl who dared to backtalk their racist socio-economics professor— texted her a week later.

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“You’re still the prettiest girl I know”-SR

Originally posted by ohevansmycaptain

Imagine: It isn’t ofter you get ill, it’s kinda not in the job desciption of being Avenger, no time and all. But when you do, it hits hard. Good thing the Captain is there to look after you.

A/N: Sorry guys, I know it’s late and I already let down my goal. But last week I was ill and that’s how I got this idea from

Pairing: Reader x Steve Rogers

Word Count: 626

Warnings: noneeeeeee

“Hmmmmm” Emits from your mouth as you bury yourself back into your deep dark pit that most called your bed. You were awoken with a scratchy throat, raw nose and a head that felt like it was going to spin off your shoulders. Great.

“JARVIS, tell the team that I can’t make it out on today’s mission” You croaked out, causing you into a spluttering fit of coughs.

“Should I alert Captain Rogers of your health?” Jarvis called out, you swore you almost heard the teasing in his voice.

“God no” Even if you wouldn’t admit you sudden liking to that man, it seemed that everyone else in the tower had, including JARVIS. However, you couldn’t think of anything worse than your captain, that perfect, beautiful man to see you like, well like this. 

To calm down your raging throat, you -very bravely- made your way into the kitchen to make yourself some hot chocolate. Praying that all the team were out on that mission.

But just to your damn luck, you were met with Steve himself sitting at the counter reading his newspaper accompanied by some coffee. Panic struck you, so quickly and quietly you tried your best to back away. Unfortunately, the blanket that you were engulfed in got tangled beneath your feet, causing you to dramatically fall to the fall with a screech escaping your lips. Obviously sending you into, yet again, a fit of cougher.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Steve’s voice rang out, as he rushed to help you up and place you upon the seat he was once at. Calming yourself down and burying your face into the blanket, you answered

“Yeah yeah, just a little sick”

“Man you sound terrible” He admitted

“Jeez thanks Cap” You tried to joke, but the dizziness of your head was now causing you to feel slightly nauseous.

“Oh man, I didn’t mean it like that, I am sorry” Steve was quick to apologies 

“No don’t worry, I can’t even begin to imagine how bad I look right now” You admitted, trying to make him feel less bad. “Anyway, why aren’t you out on a mission?” 

“Oh well, when you pulled out I knew there was something wrong, so I wanted to stay behind and make sure you are alright” He confessed, cheeks darkening

“Thanks Cap, not alright but there’s nothing you can do about it” You explained, whilst letting out a small groan at the pain of your headache.

“Well I wouldn’t say nothing, you go back to bed and I’ll sort something out for you” He ushered you back to your room then scuttled off down the hall.

Crawling back into your pit, you got yourself cozy and already began to doze off back to sleep.

“Y/N” Steve’s melodic voice murmured in your ear to wake you.

“Hmmm?” You hummed back, not ready to open your eyes.

“I got you some medicine to take, a hot drink and a hot water bottle” He was quick to put the hot drink down hand you the water bottle and spoon out the medicine for you to take.

“Thanks Steve” You muttered, the medicine already making you tired

“No problem, can’t let my best girl down” He replied, leaning down to place a comforting kiss on your forehead.

“Will you stay?” You rather bravely asked, just wanting to fall into the best sleep ever.

“Of course Y/N” Steve climbed into your bed and wrapped his arms around you, pulled your head close to his chest so you could listen to his heart beat.

“Oh Y/N?” 


“You are still the prettiest girl I know” He confessed. With that a deep blush fell upon your cheeks before falling into the best sleep you ever had.

Let the Games Begin

This was initially inspired by multiple theories – from myself and others – about what would happen in Who Killed Markiplier? I finished it after the release of chapter four, accounting for the ending but not dismissing the previously understood characterizations of Dark… or my own headcanon of Him as a Hellgod.

I had pictured something like this, from the moment I first saw the invitation promo pic, and immediately started writing. But I gave the ending a little tweak once I saw the finale… which actually wasn’t as much as you’d think. The gist of the story remained the same as it was when I began.

Anyway, I hope you like it! :)

Originally posted by sylvainbardin

In what probably sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, two immortal entities, a blind psychic and an android were all seated at a round table on a Friday night.

Their current diversion? A game of poker. The chips were stacked particularly high in the center of the table, and the game had gone on for the last little while now. The demonic deity, smartly dressed in His “business casual” suit, adjusted His cufflinks and then cast His share of the ongoing bet into the center pile.

His abyssal eyes glanced at His pink-mustachioed associate. “Your move, Will,” He intoned in His cold but mannered basso profundo voice.

The other entity chuckled, adding in a booming yet cheery tone, “Alrighty roo! Let’s see what ol’ Warfy can scare up!” He tossed his share of chips into the pile. “How d’ya like them apples, Darky-boy?”

The Hellgod’s unnervingly black eyes seemed to briefly glint with a hint of elfin mischief. “A respectable challenge, My friend.” His amused laugh was a deep rumble. “And here I thought tonight would be dull.

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The Problem with Vampire Shows and how Being Human (UK) got it right

I, like many others have been a long-time fan of the vampiregenre. For many years as a child and a teenager I appreciated shows like Buffy and the Vampire Diaries. I applauded them for their portrayal of vampires and how they interpreted the genre.

It was after watching the BBC’s Being Human that an epiphany of sorts overcame me. I suddenly looked at the vampire genre in a very different light. I could not help but notice what was suddenly wrong with the portrayal of Vampires and the other characters who inhabit these worlds. I suddenly realized that Being Human is the best of them all.

Being Human is a show about a Vampire, a Werewolf and Ghost who share a house. Admittedly it sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. It is however a fascinating concept that has never been explored before. (Warning-there be spoilers!)

Aidan Turner plays Mitchell. Mitchell is a Vampire who is just over 100 years old. The characterization of Mitchell is a breath of fresh air for the Vampire Genre. Many would probably expect Mitchell to be wise, mature, brooding and mysterious (aka Stefan Salvatore, Edward Cullen, Angel,Bill Compton ect). Although Mitchell can be brooding and mysterious at times, he is mostly an every-man character who works at a hospital and gets seriously annoyed when his favorite television show is re-scheduled. 

Russel Tovey plays George. George is a Werewolf and Mitchel’s best friend. Once again George is a character who defies the Werewolf cliche. George is sweet, innocent, sassy and hilarious. He adores Mitchell and Mitchell adores him back. No Vampire Vs Werewolf hatred here.  

And then there is Lenora Crichlow who plays Annie. Annie is a ghost. Mitchell and George stumble upon her when they move into the house that she died in. Annie is an adorable character who strives to live even after death. 

The thing that makes this show unique is the emphasis it places on friendship and human connection. Each character on this show is not motivated by greed or the greater good. They do not desire much from life. All they desire is the mundane aspects of being human. Whether it’s having a house party or getting a job, these characters desire the everyday human things. Hence, only after being stripped of their humanity are they able to appreciate what normal people would consider boring. 

This is where the genius of the show lies. Because the value on living like a human is placed so highly in these characters lives, life itself is not treated with disrespect. I would say that the Vampire Diaries is the worst offender when it comes to having random background characters killed and it not being a big deal. 

On Being Human there are no fancy tricks. Mitchell does not have an off switch. He must choose not to give in to his addiction and when he fails at this task the show does not take the situation lightly. It is openly acknowledged that even his friends who love him have no right to forgive him because it is not their place. 

I’m not going to lie, the ending of their story is very bittersweet. Ultimately this show is about three characters who would have been a lot worse off had they not found each other. Their strive to be good and decent is wholly motivated by their love for one another. This is a show about human connection and finding happiness in the everyday things we take for granted. 

It’s Funny

Has Romance

And Bromance

And Drama

It’s simply the best series in this genre so…

The Real Problem With the Killing Joke: The Rant

Against my better judgment, I’ve watched the Killing Joke movie. And I need to tell you something. Something that might cause a bit of a controversy.

Barbara and Bruce having sex is not the problem with this movie.

No, it is just a part of the real problem. A tip of the iceberg. The problem that makes first 30 minutes of this movie an insufferable dreck.

The real problem is that this is the worst fucking take on Barbara I’ve seen in my life! It’s up there with Dennis Hopeless’ Nico Minoru, Jeniffer Takeda and Laura Kinney. With Adam Beechen’s Cassandra Cain and Frank Miller’s Wonder Woman. This is how much of character assassination…no, character destruction, this movie is.

And here is why:

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no problem~

Jimin: When he hears the other members hissing and teasing you two for kissing he’d probably have a good laugh. Jimin would probably say something like “if you don’t like that, beware when the door to my room is closed” and give you a suggestive wink and more in depth kiss

Suga: he’d accept and return the kiss very casually not thinking twice about it, he wouldn’t really care whether or not the members were around and occasionally mouthing “I love you” while the members were talking and kissing your hand while your fingers were both intertwined

Jhope: After kissing in front of the members he would probably hold his chest and act like he’s melting. Even when the members tease him he would say something like “you guys don’t understand how it feels like to be in love” and pulls you into his chest sweetly kissing you again

Rap Monster: He wouldn’t care one bit but once the boys begin tease. he’d probably pull you close and lightly bite your lip just for the hell of it causing you to blush with the boys shouting “get a room!” which he would respond with “doesn’t sounds like a bad idea” and wiggle his eyebrow making the other members make throwing up noises.

Jin: After kissing him when the other members are around . He would be totally comfortable with it until he hears the other members “ouus” in the background he would probably joke around and say “Don’t worry guys we’ll keep it pg-13” and give you a playful wink followed by a kiss on the forehead.

V: Once you surprised him with a kiss you’d immediately see his rectangle smile at full power. He’d blush slightly remembering the other members were there but it still wouldn’t stop him from grabbing your face giving you a kiss in return multiple times while squishing your cheeks together making your lips stick out.

Jungkook: he would turn the brightest red you would ever see, he would just stand there internally panicking thinking to himself “ oh god act cool, hyungs are watching” but would crumble and burry his flustered face in your shoulder. while the other members whistle and tease him making him hold your waist tightly.

anonymous asked:

So there's a jealous!Anthony moment that happened over 2 years ago and I've NEVER seen anyone talk about!! During Ian and Anthony's dance punishment for a gamebang (breaking it down in 2014), Anthony says a sassy comment to Lasercorn. At about 12:59, Lasercorn jokes about being jealous because he's a member of Iancorn. Anthony immediately replies in a really sassy tone saying "You're jealous? Too bad." and it sounds like Anthony wanted to say even more than that, but cut himself off... so salty


But that’s not the only time we see Anthony being salty in this video. At the beginning, Ian said that he hoped that him and Lasercorn lost. This was Anthony’s reaction:

Also, I think he purposely lost. He’s lost in a previous video before, yes, but never this badly. He only got FIVE THOUSAND POINTS. That’s ATROCIOUS! He purposely lost just so he could dance with Ian and rub it Lasercorn’s face…

Originally posted by super-hot-garbage

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about James Potter? Personally I just can't see the appeal.

So I’ve talked about James many times, I hate having to be negative again, but okay, let me just settle this so you all know where I stand, and that will be enough of James talk on my blog.

So yeah, I don’t like James as much as a lot of other people do. I definitely CAN see his appeal, James IS appealing: he’s cool, smart, handsome, rich, genuinely in love, dorky, an extremely good friend, caring and loving, heroically courageous, etc etc.
But, man, his arrogance, his ignorance… he’s just one of those people that taunt another and think that it’s just an innocent joke that could in no way affect anyone. Bullying for his own amusement. I know he only bullied those who, from his perspective, deserved it, who were against what he believed in, but I’m a diplomat, and I find it personally difficult to accept that as an excuse good enough to justify bullying. He’s too full of himself. I don’t approve of a lot of things Snape was and had done, but I can see why he was bitter. I’d be bitter too (and I am!).

Sirius is the same way, and that’s why he’ll never be one of my favorites, but I still find him very appealing because he’s an outcast, he’s different from his family, he’s broken, in a way, and his life was a bloody mess, which makes me feel so sorry for him and appreciative of how, after going through so many terrible things, he still finds a reason to smile. Meanwhile, James is gone, and we didn’t get a chance to learn more about him, and so I can’t find it in myself to connect with him from what we know. I don’t actually dislike him very much, he is a good person, he never meant bad, but I can’t and probably never will be invested in him and genuinely supportive of him. He’s just a kind of person who I would have to but wouldn’t want to be around in real life, in school, and that’s why James doesn’t inspire me.

And I know I probably sound butthurt, but yeah, I think I am. I’ve never really been a bully victim myself, but I’ve seen other people’s identities being ruined by “innocent” jokes like James’ (because they begin believing those jokes), and it offends me personally. Just because a person is more easily manipulated doesn’t mean you have a right to take advantage of that for your fun.

Of course, I’m not comparing James to the more morally ambiguous, more “evil” characters, but I’ve never personally met people who are “evil” in my life, while I have encountered “James'es,” so that probably makes me a tiny bit biased, but I hope you can understand why.


‘ … i’m going to concede here and tell you that i’ve got no idea what i’m doing. ‘

she’s holding selah at arms length, looking her daughter in the eyes, head tipping to the side in a gesture that looked almost avian. selah still smelled like - michael would call it naivete, like baby powder and milk and honey. michael had only come across a handful of nephilim in her life, and most of them were … vastly different. ( most of them were already thrown into an accelerated growth, and the result of power-mad fallen angels thinking they could do as they wished. ) 

selah was still young, and michael hadn’t exactly had the experience of seeing what would happen if an archangel and a goddess had a kid. it sounded like the beginning to a bad joke, if she were honest.

‘ angels don’t really … do youth. think - athena, almost, though we came before. ‘

she’s setting selah on her lap, letting her grab at her hair and cheeks. 

‘ i’m not - i’m almost worried i’m going to break her, you know? she’s just so small. ‘

you guys….i love IT as much as the next person but ya’ll trying to turn pennywise into something weird this and shipping with the babadook and the bad jokes for some fuck reason?

at the beginning of IT in the book pennywise wakes up causing a gay hate crime 

IT’s evil a metaphysical being that feeds on fear and hate. not really something to turn into a loveable joke.

i sounds like a book purest but im not it’s just really unsettling to do this.


Read part 2 here: —> PART 2

Draco Malfoy walked into the Great Hall with his usual scowl plastered on his face. He was late for breakfast after sleeping in and had had to hurry to grab some food before the lessons would start. Jawning, he walked down the path towards his table to go and sit with his fellow Slytherin mates, but before he could do so his eyes saw a very familiar figure standing not to far away from him.


Draco abruptly stopped in his tracks as his breath hitched in his throat. He felt his stomach making a loop as he let his eyes slid over you. You had a smile plastered on your face like always, your Gryffindor ropes falling perfectly around your body as you happily chatted with your friends before turning around and facing him.

The surprise was clear to see on your face but instead of a scowl your smile only widened and you opened your mouth to say something. But Draco decided he would not give you the change and after gulping once more he turned around and walked the other way with long, hurried steps, ignoring the glances of the people around him. When he got outside of the Great Hall, he leaned against the wall, running a hand through he light blonde hair. He felt a sting of pain and guilt going through him as he saw your hurt expression of a few seconds ago in front of him again and he sighted.

He and you had been friends for a long time, even before going to Hogwarts. But after you had arrived for your first year at Hogwarts and had been sorted into different houses, (Gryffindor and Slytherin for Merlins beard!), things had changed. In the beginning, everything seemed the same. Even though you would spent less time together you still acted friendly towards each other, much to the surprise of your house mates. But now, in the beginning of the fifth year, things had changed. Feelings had changed. And Draco couldn’t let that happen. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin? That sounded like a bad joke. But to be honest, he could care less about what everyone would think. Because the thing that mattered most to him was you, and he knew he was no good for you. You would only end up getting you heart broken. So Draco had decided it would be better if he ignored you, so that you would be spared of a future heartbreak. That didn’t take away the guilt he felt for hurting you now, though. ‘But it was better this way,’ he told himself. But even he didn’t fully believe his words…

You, in the meantime, started at the doors of the Great Hall where your friend had dissapeared through a minute ago. You felt a sting of pain flashing through your heart as you thought about what you possibly could have done wrong to cause Draco to act this way…

(Gif not mine)

Dear lolol,

H-HOW RUDE! You’re comparing me to this poser, t-this disgrace to bearhood!?

HMPF! Well, obviously that faker stole the move from me, in order to make his paper-thin bear-shtick look more authentic! You should know, there a tons and tons of people after my unique image rights!

Umm, sorry to burst your bubble, Ted, but… Dangan Ronpa came out in 2010. You weren’t even out of the TV by then, remember? So, if anyone did steal that move, it would have had to be you.

Eh… Whaaaaat…?

Yosuke-senpai’s logic is quite sound… I have to admit, this does make your claims that you had the ‘image rights’ to the move quite suspicious.

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