that something is 'watch every single thing charlie day has been in'

little things: next gen edition

teddy lupin. hufflepuff. loyal and outgoing. wears his hair blue 90% of the time. splits the remaining 10% between the weasley red and his cousin draco’s platinum blonde. likes snogging victoire all over bill and fleur’s house because bill’s face turns redder than his hair and it makes fleur laugh. kind hearted. sometimes at christmas dinners he changes his nose into all sorts of things to make the younger kids laugh. doesn’t understand why uncle harry looks so sad during this. he misses his mum and dad more than he could ever put into words. expert at potions. 

victoire weasely. ravenclaw. is fluent in both french and english. is extremely glad to be a ravenclaw because blue looks fantastic on her. head over heels for teddy lupin. loves her dad more than anything else except maybe her pet lizard. manages to keep up straight o’s all throughout her schooling. head girl. doesn’t care for quidditch one bit, but loves muggle football. is sick of people always being sad on her birthday. takes her coffee black. 

james sirius potter. gryffindor. loves quidditch as much as breathing. always jokes about being the protective older brother but he’s very much aware that lily luna could kick his ass. his coffee is more sugar than anything else. quidditch captain in his sixth year. sometimes feels like his chest will collapse at the pressure to live up to his namesakes. lives off pop-tarts. shamelessly enjoys muggle soap opera shows. wants to play for puddlemore united when he leaves school.

rose granger-wesley. ravenclaw. has never lost a game of quidditch to james sirius. has a big crush on padma patil’s daughter. can kick her dad’s arse at chess. always gets books for her birthday. loves visiting her mum at the ministry. allergic to cats. sometimes wishes she didn’t feel as pressured to do well in school. thinks her uncle harry’s cousin dudley is absolutely hilarious. can and will beat anyone in an eating competition of any sorts. witnessed a car accident on a street one day and has been able to see thestrals ever since. loves the colour pink even though it looks ridiculous with her hair. 

albus severus potter. slytherin. is sick of people telling him that he has his fathers eyes. can’t decide if he thinks his namesakes were brave or immensely idiotic. despises quidditch with a burning passion. enjoys being his fathers not-so-secret favourite. falls asleep in front of the fire reading 5/7 nights. sneaks into the ravenclaw tour every wednesday night to spend the night with scorpius. thinks mr. malfoy is hilarious. is made up of ninety percent sarcasm. understands his grandpa’s fascination with muggles more than his cousins. loves going on late night drives.

scorpius hyperion malfoy. ravenclaw. his favourite christmas tradition is staying up all night watching movies with his mum. comes home for the holidays in first year to find his father has decorated his room in blue and bronze. ravenclaw win the quidditch cup the first year he’s on the team. sometimes when he looks at albus severus he thinks he’s in love. doesn’t like his grandpa much. loves unicorns. shares hair-care tips with victoire weasley. doesn’t want to have children. still sleeps with the stuffed dragon teddy lupin gave him when he was born.

molly weasley ii. slytherin. has never got higher than an acceptable in any of her classes. best friends with fred ii. proud to be named after her grandma. wishes her dad would let up about her behaviour. her uncle george is secretly her favourite. she was thirteen when she realised that if her cousins stood in a certain way for family christmas photos, they could spell dirty words with their sweaters. loves the pet chickens her grandpa gave her. hates cooking more than anything. wishes lily luna wasn’t so good at quidditch because she’s sick of being the reserve seeker. loves when her mum uses her eggs and bacon to make faces on her plate.

lily luna potter. slytherin. spends months begging her biggest brother teddy to teach her to change her hair because she’s sick of looking like christmas with her red hair and her green robes. is a big fan of muggle romance movies. james once told her that she threw like a girl and she threw the quaffle at him so hard that his nose was broken in three different places. her heart aches when she looks at the stars at night. cuts her hair shorter than albus’ in fourth year. grandma is furious but her mum loves it. opens the chamber of secrets in her third year, much to her dad’s confusion. likes boys and girls but mostly quidditch.

lorcan scamander. gryffindor. in love with lily luna. sometimes resents his twin for choosing gryffindor even after he went to hufflepuff. wants to work with dragons like charlie weasley when he grows up. his dad paints constellations on his bedroom ceiling and then spells them to move like the stars do. if it wasn’t for rose weasley in ravenclaw, he and james sirius would guarantee gryffindor a win every time. when he was very little he set fire to all his dresses and proclaimed he wanted to be a boy like his brother. manages to break something in every divination lesson he attends. 

dominique weasley. slytherin. has a pet snake that likes lily luna better than her. is very glad she didn’t inherit the family freckles. loves visiting her mum’s family in france. loves french food. loves french boys. refuses to learn french. wants to be a professor when she graduates. has her dad wrapped around her little finger. her patronus is a baby elephant and she can’t figure out why. always manages to wing her eye-liner perfectly. 

fred johnson-weasley ii. gryffindor. enjoys studying more than quidditch. spends every thursday night having dinner with molly at hagrid’s hut. wishes his dad didn’t see his dead twin every time he looked at him. has successfully introduced spelling to grawp. would eat cereal for every meal if roxy didn’t force feed him vegetables. hates being away from his mum during school term. spends his summer’s working in his dad’s joke shop. wishes the time turners weren’t all destroyed because he wants to take every class hogwarts offers.

hugo granger-weasley. hufflepuff. loves that school always feels like a big family outing. likes watching quidditch but refuses to get on a broom. has tea with professor trelawney on sunday mornings. wants to be an auror when he’s older. hates history of magic because he’s sick of hearing about the war his parents lived through. his dad gave him a white ferret to take to school in first year and mr. malfoy was red in the face at the train station when he noticed. gets away with every single prank he pulls at school. 

lucy weasley. hufflepuff. wishes that there were more out gay girls at hogwarts than just her cousins. loves her mum but she just doesn’t get her the way dad does. prides herself on excelling at school. is always up for a late night trip to the kitchens. doesn’t understand why her dad won’t let her have a pet rat. spends the weeks leading up to christmas helping her grandma knit everyones jumpers. befriends the finnigan-thomas triplets immediately even though none of them share a house. sleeps in her dad’s old gryffindor shirt.

lysander scamander. hufflepuff. thinks his mum is barmy. loves her anyway. glad his parents made a mistake when they bought home him and his ‘sister’ because he loves lorcan a lot more as a boy. is in love with louis weasley. a big fan of cheerleader movies. wishes his dad would stop bringing home weird things from work. spends summer between fifth and sixth year teaching himself french. flogs the marauders map from james sirius in term two of third year, and manages to keep it hidden for a solid week. loves to fly.

louis weasley. ravenclaw. loves being at school with all his cousins but sometimes wishes he’d taken mums offer to go to beauxbatons. was in love with teddy lupin between ages seven-ten. thinks his dad’s scars make him more handsome. secretly loves lily luna the most out of all his cousins. doesn’t understand why everyone obsesses over quidditch when there’s muggle sports like gymnastics. falls in love with lysander scamander in his sixth year. is a confused and impressed by luna lovegood. wishes victoire wouldn’t let her pet lizard roam around the house.

roxanne johnson-weasley. gryffindor. sometimes forgets the names of all her cousins. is responsible for starting the lgbtq safe space club at hogwarts. thinks uncle charlie had the right idea about not having children. sometimes when she’s flying she wonders how high she could go, wonders if she could just leave earth behind. punches a fifth year hufflepuff in the face when she’s twelve because he made a racist comment. wishes it was acceptable to put gravy on her pancakes. her detention record finally overtook her fathers in sixth year, and she’s making it her goal to overtake james potter and sirius black by the time she graduates. watches the beauty and the beast movie at least once a week when she’s home.

Dean/Cas: With A Heart On Fire

For tattooedbrothers, who commissioned firefighter!Cas. (info here)

Dean needs a last-minute speaker for Career Day. Charlie suggests he ask the handsome fireman across the hall. 2K.

“How about Sam or Jess?” Charlie asks, voice sounding tinny on speaker.

Dean sighs as he returns to chopping onions for his pasta. “Already asked,” he replies, slipping on glasses to keep his eyes from watering. “He’s at a conference in New York and Jess has an interview she can’t push back.”

“Too bad,” Charlie clicks her tongue. “Could’ve told your kids that they’re Matt Murdock and Lois Lane.”

Dean huffs. “C’mon, Charlie, I need you to brainstorm here. Who else?”

“Maybe Benny? He’s a baker, ergo awesome by default.”

“True, but he’s already signed up,” Dean says. “His daughter Sofie’s in my class and I’m officially out of options.”

There’s a brief pause then Charlie speaks again, conspiratorial. “Well, you do have one other option,” she says. She can’t see him but Dean gives her a pained look nonetheless. “No, Bradbury. Don’t even try,” he warns.

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say!” she protests, only Dean does know and there is no way he’d ever agree. “Dean, come on,” Charlie whines. He can imagine her rolling her eyes. “How long are you- It’s been almost a year, dude,” she sighs, “and he’s dreamy in case you haven’t noticed that either.”

“I’ve… noticed,” he answers softly, resigned. “I just… Charlie, he’s right across the hall from us. We always run into each other and it’ll be mortifying once he rejects me.” He cringes at the thought alone and moves to set the knife down with a bit more force than strictly necessary.

“Why do you assume he’s going to reject you?” she asks. They’ve had this conversation but he hates it every time.

“You’ve seen him too,” is all he says, along with an excuse about finishing dinner, but by the time he’s hung up the phone, he’s lost interest in cooking his food. He shuts off the stove and takes the trash out instead.

It’s on his way back that Dean notices the package by the door, tucked against his neighbor’s wall and wrapped profusely in hot pink duct tape. He wonders who could have sent it - a friend, probably, or maybe a girlfriend. He frowns.

Still, he ought to let the guy know that the box is there. It’s simple, neighborly duty - the reason Dean finds himself ringing the doorbell to 3B - and he’s halfway to regretting those choices when the door swings open and - “Dean?” - Cas squints at him over the threshold.

“Um, hi… Cas,” Dean greets helplessly, because Cas is standing there bare-chested, barefoot, just bare everything save for a pair of black sweatpants. “I… I, uh… Sorry, w-were you asleep?”

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Professor Winchester.

Request: Hi, idk if you’re taking requests but I was wondering if you could write a professor Dean x student reader one shot? maybe some smut too?

Pairing: Professor Dean Winchester x Student Reader.
Other Characters: Charlie Bradbury, Cas Novak, random douche bag being a douche bag.
Warnings: Language, Smut (oral - female receiving, vaginal sex, unprotected sex), Implied cheating, Angst?, Comparing penis size to meats.
Word Count: 4.3k (what the actual fuck?)
“What can happen in 4 weeks?”

Apparently a lot can happen in 4 weeks, now here you are at your college graduation doing something you only said 5 days ago that you wouldn’t do.

You’re in the back seat of Dean’s impala, both of you naked and you’re straddling him.
He pulls you flush against him, your bare chests pressed together as Dean thrusts up into you, over and over, your mixed moans filling the small space in the car, anyone could walk past and catch you but neither of you care.

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Overview/Summary: After one of her best friends goes through a bad breakup she’s not ready to discuss just yet, Riley is dragged along to an impromptu vacation in a tropical paradise. While her and her two friends are there they meet three guys who seem just as lost as they are. 14 days. 10 Rules.
Writer’sNotes: In this AU Farkle was never childhood friends with riley/maya 
Rating: T/M  (Because cursing & also because I’m not going to restrict myself)
WordCount: 3,820


Chapter One: Thou Shall Stick Together

“Remind me again why this is still happening?” Riley called out as she tried to keep up with the fiery blonde ahead of her. She glanced back to make sure her other friend was still relatively close by but the petite golden haired girl was a good 5 feet ahead of them both. “Izzy? A little help here?”

“Hm?” The bespectacled beauty looked up from her phone that seemed to have had captured her attention since their cab ride to the airport. “Oh, isn’t it obvious? She’s trying to avoid Josh.”

“I am not!” Maya snapped, spinning around in one quick motion. “Now would you two shut your traps and walk a little faster before we miss our flight?”

They still had 30 minutes before they had to board the plane. It was obvious to everyone that she was just anxious to get as far away from the city as humanly possible right now.

The two brunettes shared a look before Riley decided to speak what had been on her mind since she told her about the impromptu trip. “Maya, don’t you think it’s too soon?”

“It’s never too soon for a vacation, Riles.” Maya sighs, reluctantly stopping to engage in the conversation she knew she couldn’t avoid for much longer. Especially not with a 10 hour flight ahead of them.


“But nothing.” Maya cuts her off. “Listen, we just graduated. I never thought I’d make it through 4 years of high school, let alone 4 years of College. I just want to go on a nice vacation with my girls. Is that a crime?”

“No. It’s not a crime.” Isadora pauses, “but you still haven’t talked about –”

“Josh?!” The blonde was already bordering on losing her patience. She was tired of everyone always bringing him up and throwing it in her face. She was going to forget about Joshua Matthews whether they liked it or not. “I don’t want to talk about him and you know what else? This is the first time in however long the three of us have been best friends, that we’re all single. At the same damn time, you guys! That’s never happened! Riley, you and Evan just broke up last summer after being together for FOUR YEARS and before that you were with Charlie for FOUR YEARS.” She knew her voice was traveling but she didn’t care at the moment. “And Smackle, you’ve been dating Dustin on and off for like 3 years and me and Josh? 5 years. 5 fucking years down the toilet. So excuse me if I want to have a little fun, okay?”

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Top 20 Favorite Films of 2015

Just as the title says! I saw way more films this year than last year so obviously it was a lot harder picking favorites. I almost decided to increase the list to 25 but eventually opted against it. Also this list is going by 2015 USA release dates or whatever I happened to see at a festival in 2015. Before I start the countdown here are a few films I really loved that didn’t quite make the cut.

Honorable mentions: The Tribe; Phoenix; Tag; Magic Mike XXL; Nasty Baby; Kumiko, The Treasure Hunter; White God; Tangerine; Heaven Knows What; In Jackson Heights

But anyway, here is the list of my favorite films of 2015 with a few, simple words on each.

20. The Diary of a Teenage Girl (dir. Marielle Heller)

As John Waters said in his top of the year list, this is a film that deals with sex between teens and adults that manages not to be creepy or unintelligent. I always hate when I’m watching films about sex and the actual sex is sugar coated or portrayed in a prudish manner. Thankfully, it’s not only incredibly frank about its subject matter, it’s also incredibly heartfelt (in part from the fantastic lead performance of Bel Powley). I went into this expecting another typical American indie comedy and instead got something incredibly funny, sweet and actually kind of edgy. 

19. Goodnight Mommy (dir. Veronika Franz, Severin Fiala)

When both my girlfriend and I were able to figure out the twist of this horror mystery film about halfway through its running time, neither of us expected to enjoy it nearly as much as we did… but by the time it ended we were floored. In a strange way, knowing the twist only added to the last incredibly disturbing, unpredictable and horrifying third of the film. And in many ways it made it only scarier, so much so that I wonder if it was intentional that we were able to figure it out? Regardless, there were gasps and screams in the theater and they definitely weren’t unwarranted. This film about two young boys who question their unrecognizable mother’s true identity gets pretty damn freaky. 

18. Tokyo Tribe (dir. Sion Sono)

Sion Sono is one of our greatest living filmmakers. So when I say a Sono film isn’t among his best work, you can still count on it being a hundred times more interesting than most people’s entire body of work. In this case, Sono crafted an insane, sloppy, brilliant and totally hysterical rap battle musical. The rapping itself isn’t all that great but I could care less. This is a blast from start to finish! Shot in a floating, god-like perspective we move from scene to scene as the film only builds in insanity, vulgarity and implausibility. But perhaps the best aspect of Tokyo Tribe is when the true intentions of its villain are revealed. I won’t spoil it here, but I always love films with high stakes (in this case warring gang tribes) which arise from something totally insignificant, as it only makes it more ridiculous. Far from perfect, but one of the most fun film experiences I had this year.

17. The Mend (dir. John Magary)

Definitely among the more underrated films on the list, this dry, (extremely) dark comedy explores something that I am personally fascinated with and tend to make films about myself: failed men. The Mend centers on two brothers who initially appear like polar opposites but are eventually both uncovered as pathetic, selfish and deeply angry individuals. Neither of them are very likeable but there are aspects of them that are vey relatable (in a scary way). Although I did frequently laugh during this film, most of the humor was so cringe-worthy and uncomfortable I wasn’t able to make a peep. It’s also incredibly well crafted, well paced and consistently manages to be visually interesting. 

16.  Mustang (dir. Deniz Gamze Ergüven)

What an absolutely phenomenal debut feature! Despite some big flaws (all the girls kind of blend together at the beginning of the film) I was so moved by this film I forgave all its problems. Mustang is about a group of sisters in Turkey whose home starts turning into a sort of prison as they are forbidden from interacting with the outside world for fear that they might ruin themselves before marriage. It manages to be inspiring without being sappy, and political without being in-your-face. The emotions of the film totally snuck up on me, and sure enough before the credits started I was tearing up. This is a fantastic feminist work of art that of course reflects the current cultural climate of Turkey but is also very universal. 

15. Anomalisa (dir. Charlie Kaufman, Duke Johnson)

Charlie Kaufman needs to be given every possible resource he needs so that he can make as many films as possible before he dies. The fact that he’s only directed 2 films is an absolute crime. Perhaps this isn’t as moving or as ambitious as Synecdoche, New York but it’s not trying to be. It’s a smaller, more intimate film that revolves around a motivational speaker who meets a woman in a hotel who seems to breath new life into him. Anomalisa is a stop motion film and it actually incorporates the puppetry of the main character into his breakdowns and fantasies. It’s a deeply sad film but one that abstains from being cynical. It also has the best sex scene of the year. Go figure. 

14. Taxi (dir. Jafar Panahi)

Iranian director Jafar Panahi was banned from filmmaking in his home country in 2010. Since then he’s made 3 feature films. Taxi is not only his best film under the ban, it’s also one of Panahi’s best films in general. The entire movie takes place inside a taxi cab as Mr. Panahi himself drives, picks up passengers, meets up with old friends and watches as his niece makes a film herself for a class project. It wasn’t until after the film ended that I realized the entire thing was staged. Taxi serves both as a meta discussion on the kind of society that would lock up and censor one of its best filmmakers (the ending of this film is heartbreaking given Panahi’s situation) as well as an incredibly sweet and intimate portrait of the people of modern Iran, the kind you won’t see in any western media outlets. The fact that this film exists at all is stunning, but the fact that it’s as good and engaging as it is is even more stunning. 

13. The World of Kanako (dir. Tetsuya Nakashima)

Without a doubt the most vile, repulsive, disturbing and transgressive film on this list, The World of Kanako is a mad whirlwind of violence and mayhem that doesn’t slow down once for the length of its two hour running time. We follow an ex-detective as he searches for his daughter and starts slowly falling down the rabbit hole of the pitch black world she inhabits. The editing is slick and quick as we are constantly jumping between 3 different timelines, trying to piece together just what happened to Kanako. What’s revealed is beyond perverse, as even our protagonist is shown to be as disgusting and amoral as any of the villains he’s chasing. Cinematically explosive (every trick in the book is pulled out in this film) and totally degenerate, I couldn’t help but get sucked into one of the most fascinating and exhausting films of the year. 

12. Victoria (dir. Sebastian Schipper)

At 138 minutes, Victoria is the longest single shot narrative film ever made. One might be worried that this gimmick would be distracting to everything else in the movie, but it isn’t.  The characters and their performances make the journey incredibly real and emotional (Laia Costa as Victoria was my favorite performance of 2015) . There were times where I even forgot that I was watching something done in one take. I don’t wanna give away too much about the plot because going in completely ignorant will probably lead to a much better viewing experience. I will say that this is the kind of naturalistic filmmaking I really admire. One where extraordinary events take place, but not a single moment feels untruthful. 

11. The Revenant (dir. Alejandro González Iñárritu)

As much as I really enjoyed Birdman, I didn’t quite think it was on par with some of Iñárritu’s best previous work (Biutiful and Babel are two favs of mine). However, The Revenant is without question one of his strongest and most impactful films. Teaming up a second time with Emmanuel Lubezki (arguably the greatest cinematographer currently working), together they crafted an absolute visual masterwork. The entire film could have have been silent and the story would have been as clear as day. DeCaprio also delivers the best performance of his career, achieving an almost Mifune-level over-the-top-ness that is constantly intense but never becomes cheesy. Out of all the films on this list, this one begs to be seen on a big screen. It’s a true spectacle. 

10. The Look of Silence (dir. Joshua Oppenheimer)

Oppenheimer’s follow-up to his masterful The Act of Killing is just as brilliant and perhaps even more powerful. Once again focusing on the Indonesian genocide of 1965, but instead from the point of view of a victim’s family. The brother of a murdered “communist” confronts all the men directly or indirectly responsible for his brother’s death. A beautiful but haunting film that’s extremely difficult to shake off once you’ve seen it. 

9. The Forbidden Room (dir. Guy Maddin. co-dir. Evan Johnson) 

A solid quarter of the audience I saw this with walked out of it. Maddin is a true cinematic madman, willing to try and do absolutely anything in his films. It would be kind of pointless to try to describe this movie because there are a million stories in it and about a billion things that happen in it. A lumberjack ends up in a submarine, bananas come alive and tell a story, a man becomes so obsessed with butts that he has parts of his brain removed, skeletons force a lover to don a poison suit, a mustache has a dream… etc. etc. etc. All shown through grainy, kaleidoscope-esque images. Equally hilarious, destructive and insane, this is probably one of the strangest films I’ve ever seen. It’s bizarre even by Maddin’s standards. 

8. Mad Max: Fury Road (dir. George Miller)

I mean, what is left to say about this one? This film seems to be on absolutely everyone’s “best of” list this year (and if it’s not I’m assuming that person either hasn’t seen it or is insane). It’s a masterpiece of the action genre. I’m not going to say much else about this one because if you have yet to see it, stop reading and go watch it. 

7. It Follows (dir. David Robert Mitchell)

This film has had me looking over my shoulder when I’m walking alone ever since I saw it. I’m one of those people who gets really scared by good horror. And man, this scared me like no other film I’ve seen recently. I’ve only just started watching more horror films (thanks to my girlfriend, who’s much more of a buff in the genre than I am) and this film definitely stands out as one of the best and most original American horror films in current memory. The concept of people -whom only you can see- following you no matter where you are and who are intent on killing you is terrifying enough, and thankfully this film is so well made that it truly is as scary as it sounds. 

6. World of Tomorrow (dir. Don Hertzfeldt)

The only short film I even considered to be on this list. Hertzfeldt has created yet another hilarious, emotional, and supremely intelligent film. He manages to pack more ideas into a single scene than many films can muster in their entire running times. A little girl is greeted by a 3rd generation clone of herself and is brought to the future, where she is shown and taught many extremely significant things… all at an age too young to fully grasp the information she’s given. By the end of this 17 minute journey, I was weeping. 

5. Wild Tales (dir. Damián Szifrón)

The opening scene of Wild Tales is the closest thing to Buñuel-style absurdity I’ve ever seen in a modern film. And the rest of the film is pretty great too! This dark comedic anthology film from Argentina really took me by surprise. It’s comprised of six unrelated stories that all deal with revenge taken to its most extreme, logical conclusion. I laughed so hard during this movie that the couple sitting in front of me in the theater moved seats. It’s extremely dark, at times absolutely absurd, beautifully shot and has a lot of fantastic social commentary that is very universal. One particular story about a man getting his car consistently towed is almost too relatable. 

4. The Lobster (dir. Yorgos Lanthimos)

I’ve been a committed fan of Yorgos Lanthimos since Dogtooth, so when I heard the basic concept for The Lobster a year or two ago I’ve been eagerly anticipating it. Having finally seen it, I can safely say that it’s definitely Yorgos Lanthimos’s best film yet. The story, revolving around a hotel where single people are forcibly sent in order to find a new mate (and are turned into animals if they don’t), is one of the best films about how completely ridiculous relationships can be. The whole movie is a brilliant breakdown of what makes something normal and how arbitrary the rules in our society often are. It’s a hilarious, beautifully made film and has the best overall acting of 2015. 

3. The Hateful Eight (dir. Quentin Tarantino) 

What’s already turning out to be Tarantino’s most divisive film also turned out to be one of my favorites by him, if not my absolute favorite (a 2nd viewing will tell). Yes, the 70mm roadshow version made the screening really special (complete with an intermission and overture) but aside all hype surrounding the format, this is one of the few times I’ve felt like Tarantino was commenting on something other than filmmaking (or past films) itself. The Hateful Eight deals with issues of misogyny, racism, the death of the American dream and how all of those things fit into the myth of the American west and how that relates to our current culture. Also, the fact that it’s as engaging as it is for a 3 hour movie that takes place mostly in one location and only has despicable characters is a miracle. I personally think this is Tarantino’s smartest, most subversive and most mature film yet. 

2. TIE 

Mommy (dir. Xavier Dolan)

Xavier Dolan knows how to craft classy melodramas. The emotions the characters go through in Mommy are massive and almost become over the top. But instead they are very real and very felt in the audience when watching it… at least for me they were! I cried and cried during this movie. It’s the most emotional experience I had during any film from 2015. However it’s not just beautiful and heartbreaking, it’s also a marvel of filmmaking, using a totally unique 1:1 aspect ratio (one that’s not reflected in the still I chose), featuring incredibly sincere uses of pop songs, and having some of the best cinematography of the year. 


A Pigeon Sat on a Branch Reflecting on Existence (dir. Roy Andersson)

2015 seemed to be a great year for absurdist comedies! Roy Andersson is one of our best living filmmakers and every film he makes is an absolute treasure. Pigeon is no exception. Meticulously crafted for years on end, Andersson can spend up to 5 weeks just creating a single shot (everything in Pigeon is shot on a soundstage as well, so the shots can look exactly as Andersson likes them to look). Andersson is also a champion against outdated concepts of traditional story structure, with his last 3 films focusing more on moments and situations rather than arcs or characters (although Pigeon is the most character driven of the trilogy, but not by much). This film is also hysterically funny, filled with macabre, absurd and surreal moments. While the other two films in his trilogy may have asked “Where are we now” this one asks “What do we do now?” The answer (if he even has one) isn’t always pretty, but it’s almost always funny. 

1. Entertainment (dir. Rick Alverson)

Entertainment takes Gregg Turkington’s infamous “Neil Hamburger” character (an aggressive, intentionally terrible meta stand up comedian he’s played since the 90s) and poses the question “What if he were a real person?” The result is one of the strangest, most horrifying and most cinematic films of the year. This film entered a very dark part of my consciousness and stayed there. We follow “the comedian” as he travels from shitty gig to shitty gig playing to audiences that couldn’t care less (or sometimes are even violent). He occasionally makes phone calls to a daughter we’re not even sure is real, he visits relatives he has nothing in common with and he takes awful tours of the desert to kill time between shows. It unfolds its themes and story (if you even wanna call it a story) visually, utilizing gorgeous widescreen cinematography that takes advantage of its Mojave desert landscapes. Entertainment is an uncompromising character study of what it means to be “entertainers”, the mask they use versus their inward emotions and the hollowness that can accompany artists (especially unsuccessful ones). The film starts slowly moving into the totally surreal, and by the end we don’t even know what’s reality and what’s not. This is the most unsettling film I’ve seen all year. It truly got under my skin and as painful as it can be, it’s a trip worth taking. Even if the destination of said trip is the center of hell. 

anonymous asked:

Cap already apologized to tony? I don't understand the hate cap got from civil war he did what he thought was right just as tony did 👀not to mention his motivation for half the movie was to stop a bunch of super soldiers getting set free that pretty legit Like I get the parent thing is messed up but tony did try to murder his best friend which is also pretty messed up so tony isn't innocent in this scenario and then cap was the bigger man and reached out to tony and gave him a phone so

Ohhhh boy, alright, here we go.

First of all, his “apology” was bullshit.  You know when somebody hurts you, and they say “sorry you got hurt” but not “I’m sorry I hurt you”? THAT is Cap’s letter to Tony, in a nutshell.  Let’s go through the whole text:

I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. [The Avengers are clearly not “Tony’s”, since most of them sided with Cap]. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even in the Army. [Talking about himself and his own problems to try to get sympathy in a letter that should be an APOLOGY] My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. [But not the democratically elected governments of those individuals?  What about Charlie Spencer, who was killed in Sokovia and whose mother, Miriam, wanted someone to be held accountable?  What about the thousands and thousands of civil servants and gov’t officials who worked on the Accords over the span of 2 years and the 150+ countries who approved them?] And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. [He refused to even consider the Accords which, again, were wanted by most people] Locks can be replaced, but – maybe they shouldn’t. [This doesn’t even make sense in this context.  Steve’s actions didn’t break any locks. The Accords still got passed, just without his approval, which means nothing in a legal context] I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. [This is the one good point in this letter, but then it is followed by…] Hopefully one day you can understand. [One day you can understand???? Understand WHAT? That Steve selfishly and hypocritically kept the BIGGEST SECRET of Tony’s life from him? For more than a year??] I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in [this makes it seem like this is all Tony’s fault. Steve was only doing what he believed in too - that doesn’t make him right], and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should.  [No, because sometimes, there’s this thing called compromise, and obviously, Steve has never heard of it]. So no matter what, I promise if you — if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there.

But moving on.  Steve’s position about the Accords in CACW is so problematic, but, since you didn’t really mention the Accords, I assume you understand that.  But I’ll talk about it a little more (because it infuriates me).

Steve does not understand modern-day politics.  That is through no fault of his own - there’s a whole lot of nuance, and he did sleep through 70 years of it.  5 years is not enough to catch up on almost a century of developments in regulation, globalization, and international diplomacy.  Tony, on the other hand, DOES understand modern-day politics.  He has juggled the American government and the military in every single Iron Man movie (Iron Man 2 especially), and he clearly understood and read the Accords in CACW.  Tony may not trust the American government or Ross (just like Steve), but he DOES trust the international community and the UN (which, for some reason, Steve does not?).

Steve thinks that the Avengers - a predominantly American based, PRIVATE militant organization - should be able to go into any foreign country they want to, to do anything they want, because the Avengers judge it to be right.  That is an extremely imperialist point of view, and it is downright disrespectful to other nations.  So 150+ nations agreed that they wanted the Avengers to work for them, to serve the WORLD, not just America, and Steve just…doesn’t agree with that.  And, I’m sorry, but Steve’s whole excuse about “people have agendas”? Yeah. Of course people have agendas. But, call me an optimist, usually people who work at the UN have agendas which benefit their own people.  If 150+ countries agreed on the Accords at the UN, you can bet that their agenda was PROTECTING THEIR OWN PEOPLE.

But anyway. I’m digressing.

The biggest problem with Steve’s defense of Bucky in CACW is that it is completely flawed.

He finds Bucky in Bucharest - where he has just been living his life - and forces him into the spotlight.  I don’t know if Bucky would have come quietly if Steve hadn’t been there and escalated the situation, but it’s certainly possible.  Then, even though Steve says that a kill-order was put out against Bucky, the soldiers take him in WITHOUT KILLING HIM.  Sure, the conditions he’s held in aren’t great, but, at the time, he was a suspected terrorist.  By the time Bucky and Steve arrive at the airport with the rest of Team Cap, THEY BOTH KNOW about the other winter soldier threats.  Tony comes and TALKS TO THEM, gives them a chance to come in.  And here’s the part that really matters.

Steve does not - and has never - trusted Tony.

If this threat was really as dire as Steve believed, then why didn’t he tell Tony?  Why didn’t he TRUST Tony enough to ask him for help?  Clearly Steve thought that Tony was in cahoots with Ross or something, which shows how little Steve knows about Tony’s character.  As evidenced by Tony’s later actions in the movie, he was completely willing to fuck Ross and come to Cap’s aid in the face of such a threat.  Why didn’t Steve know this?  Because he does not trust Tony.  Not since Ultron (which was not solely Tony’s fault.  For some reason, Steve doesn’t blame Wanda (who put the thoughts into Tony’s head), or Bruce (who had just as much to do with Ultron as Tony) for that incident).

This is also why Steve did not trust Tony enough to tell him about his parents.  Tony is a reasonable man.  Imagine if Steve had set Tony aside one day - FAR AWAY FROM BUCKY, AND THE VIDEO TAPE - and told him gently, as a friend, what had happened to Howard and Maria.  Tony would have been upset - he would have been sad, and angry, and maybe even violent - but his friend would have been there to calm him down and get him help and support.  Bucky would have been safe, Tony would have the help he needed, and Steve would have acted like a good friend to both of them.

Instead, Tony was given this information at the worst possible time.  He not only had to find out that his parents were murdered - he had to WATCH.  With the killer (mind control or not) less than 5 feet away.  Do you know how traumatizing that must have been?  Of COURSE Tony lashed out.  He’s a man with severe PTSD, a guilt complex, and anxiety and depression.  OF COURSE he fucking attacked Bucky.  Who would be thinking in their right mind in that moment??? But instead of just trying to defend Bucky and calm Tony down, Steve ACTIVELY tried to harm Tony - culminating in him slamming his shield down on Tony’s arc reactor, his MOST VULNERABLE PLACE (which undoubtedly caused even more trauma) and then LEFT HIM ALONE IN SIBERIA.

I’m not saying that Tony was perfect in CACW.  He should have actively distanced himself from Ross as much as possible, especially in front of hte other Avengers.  He should have communicated with the Avengers more, and he shouldn’t have brought Peter to Germany.

But Steve’s entire reasoning in that movie was objectively wrong and harmful.  And the fact that he still does not understand that (as evidenced by his “apology letter”) is very concerning.

don’t wanna let you go

pairing: riley matthews & lucas friar 
word count: 2,240
prompt: “day two: hand-holding - we know these kiddos are always holding hands, time to write about it even more” 
written for: rucas fanfic week 2017 
summary: riley matthews loves holding lucas friar’s hand and she fears the day when she might have to let them go. [part of the band au
notes: hello friends!!!! here’s day two of rucas fic week. i was inspired to revisit the girl meets world/band au with this one, so that’s the world that this fic takes place in. i hope you enjoy this little feelings trip, early knowledge of this world isn’t necessarily needed, but please feel free to check out the tag for more info! enjoy! 


Riley’s mouth dropped slightly as she stared at the headline that was repeated over and over again as she scrolled down her timeline. She had only been awake for about fifteen minutes, but she had snapped to pretty quickly once she saw the headlines that were circling around the web this morning. Not to mention that her notifications were blowing up.

Apparently it was far from unnoticeable that she was the girl holding Lucas Friar’s hand.

She was scared to look at what people were saying, people hadn’t exactly been nice to her when they found out her and the band were still friends following her breakup with Charlie. So, she figured that news that she was dating another member of Mad Dogs was certainly not going to go over well with their fans.

Keep reading

Imagine being Bella’s older sister, and you and Carlisle fall in love - Part 2.

Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Carlisle x Reader (OC name, feel free to change it in your mind)
Warning: CURSING! Fluffy awkwardness! Overprotective Charlie!

Less than six months later, I am pulling up the Cullen’s driveway once more, running a bit late as I climb out, racing up the front stairs, where Rosalie throws the door open, pulling me inside as the scent of orange blossoms, lilacs, freesia, and roses envelope me as we hurry up the stairs. “She’s here!” Rosalie calls as Alice looks up from doing Bella’s makeup.

“Finally! You’re late!” Alice scolds, though she’s definitely playing as she shoots me a wink. “Go take a shower. Rosalie will get you towels and a robe.” I nod, hurrying into the bathroom. I strip off my tank top and sweatpants from the flight, climbing in the steaming hot shower,where I wash my body, then shampoo and condition my hair, before climbing out in record time. I dry off, before slipping on my bra and underwear, wrapping the robe around me, tying the sash as I walk out, Rosalie is in a stunning purple dress, her hair is pinned and curled down one side of her head, and she has a light layer of makeup on, she gestures to the chair beside Bella’s, where I sit as she sets to work, doing my hair is an intricate pattern, before she does a beautiful job on my makeup, before I stand off to the side, observing my sister.

“Did you find our daughters?” I hear my mother’s voice, surprising me.

“Are those… graduation caps?” I hear dad ask, causing me to giggle into my hand.

“Huh! What a fun idea!” Mom says. “Bella? Emma?”

“In here, mom!” Bella and I call in unison, she steps inside the room, her eyes instantly welling at the sight of Bella.

“Oh, honey you look beautiful!” Renee turns to the door. “Charlie? Charlie come look!” She turns as Alice provides a hanky, dad enters the room, looking dapper in his suit.

“Wow.” Dad looks at me, and smirks.

“I know. I look hot.” Everyone laughs.

“We got you a little something, for this day. Charlie?” Mom holds out her hand, causing dad to hurry, and lay a velvet box in it, which mom opens before Bella as I press off the wall, looking at the gift. It’s a hair comb, with blue sapphires along the ends of each tooth. “This was your great grandma Swan’s, your dad and I got the sapphires added. We just thought it could be your something blue.”

“And something old, besides your mother.” Dad says, earning a smack from both mom and I. Alice steps up, slipping the comb into Bella’s hair, perfectly.

“We have something from great grandma Swan, for you too.” Mom says. “You get it on your wedding day.” I nod, causing mom to laugh, hugging me. “It’s great to see you.”

“You too, mom.” I murmur.

“So, who wants to see the dress?” Alice chirps, Charlie steps out as Rosalie and Alice help Bella with the dress, over her head, before doing the lines of pearls buttons up her back. “Okay, so you have something old, something blue,” Alice beams. “your dress is something new, so here.” She flicks something at Bella, who automatically catches it, turning red at the garter in her hands. “There’s your something borrowed. That’s mine, I want it back.”

“And here,” I reach into my jeans on the bed, pulling out an very old penny. “here’s a penny for your shoe.” Bella stares at it, before Alice tucks it into the heel, which she slips onto Bella’s feet.

“Renee, will you get the bouquets. Rosalie, help Emma into her dress.” Rosalie grabs a dress bag from the closet, walking over to me as mom rushes out, and I watch in amusement as Bella toughters as Alice hooks the garter around Bella’s thigh. Rosalie slips the dress over my head, after removing my robe, just as Alice pops back up, the dress is the same purple as Alice and Rosalie’s, it’s a dress that ties up around the neck, laces that cross up the back, the top is smooth, tight until my waist where is billows out a bit, and has a sweetheart neckline. Alice steps up, clipping a golden locket around my neck, before I slip on my purple heels, and Rosalie slides a diamond pin into place in my hair. It’s after the wedding, during the reception, that I slip away from the hustle and bustle, my feet sore from the dancing, I make my way around the front of the house, where I lean against the banister of the porch, sighing.

A hand appears out of nowhere, a champagne flute in it, the bubbling copper liquid looks oddly tempting as I take the glass, looking up to find none other than Carlisle standing beside me, a gentle smile on his face, his hair is slicked back, styled in a way oddly fitting for his face, his tux is crisp, without a single wrinkle within it, his tie is the only thing that is the slightest bit off for him, causing me to smile, shaking my head as I set the glass on the banister, stepping up to grasp his tie. “You and Charlie both, is it a man thing? Even vampires.” I taunt as I straighten his tie, slipping the triangle up to tighten it as Carlisle looks slightly embarrassed.

“Was it like that throughout the entire wedding? How embarrassing.” He says as I drop one hand, using the other to smooth the silk white material down, before I turn to the banister, going to step back with my hand dropping, only for my head to whip around as he grasps my hand in his, he looks enamored as he reaches out, capturing a dark brown ringlet between two fingers, he twists it before tucking it behind my ear, finger lingering on the diamond pin in my hair, and I can feel heat burning my cheeks as he lets go of my hand, allowing me to return to my place against the banister, where I sip on my champagne. It’s a bad habit, not really something that I should encourage, but being in tokyo, where we have saki with every meal, I decide that it’s not going to kill me to have few sips of champagne. “Needed another escape?”

“Dad seems to think, if he keeps me occupied with dancing, that none of Bella’s friends will care to cut in, or ask for a dance.” I explain. “Or, he’s hoping to keep me occupied until Jacob’s friends show, and play matchmaker with them. It would not be the first time.” I explain, he is now leaning against the banister, though I do not miss the chunk of wood the suddenly splinters under his hand, crumbling away from the banister. Deciding against bringing it up, I turn to look in his honeycomb eyes, my sky blue eyes are sweeping over each of his features, studying them quickly. “What about you?” I suddenly ask, dropping my gaze to clear my throat, taking another deep sip from the crystal glass in my hand. “Needed an escape, as well?”
“Hardly, even though it is a party, weddings are more of a symbol of a beautiful union between two people, and I do enjoy them. Though,” He seems to pause, glancing back at all the couples and pairs dancing. “Alice does seem to have gone all out, this time. I wonder why.”

“You do not think she’d do so for anyone else’s wedding?” I ask, suddenly curious.

“I’m not sure.” He hums.

“Not even your own, give the chance?” I ask, causing him to frown, brow furrowing as he looks at me.

“The chance has not come, nor will it, I believe.” He states.

“You have yet to find your mate.” It’s not a question, much to my surprise.

“No, I have.” He glances out at the woods, his furrow seeming to deepen, I cannot help but reach out a hand, resting it on his elbow, causing his head to snap over to me.

“Carlisle, you are my friend. What is troubling you?” I ask softly.

“It is… a complication.” He answers, vaguely, causing me to frown as I withdraw my hand, he reaches out to it, grasping it in his. “My mate,” He says the word with a surprising amount of sadness. “I have not told her that she is such, I fear she will not reciprocate. It’s merely that.”

“Oh, my friend.” I frown, setting my glass of champagne on the banister, wrapping him in a hug, causing him to freeze under my touch, the both of us are rather surprised by my move, but he wraps his arms around my waist.

“I know you’ve been dancing all night, but would you mind dancing with me?” He suddenly asks.

“Can we stay over here?”I ask him, he nods, causing me to beam as I kick my heels off, becoming considerably smaller without the two extra inches, making his 6’ 2” sizes that much bigger compared to my 5’ 4” size, so the top of my head ends just under his chin, my arms rest around his neck, while his arms are around my middle, causing me to blush as I look up at him. “Sorry, I’m so tiny.” This causes him to chuckle, a low throaty sound in his chest, which then changes into a full blown, head thrown back, roaring laugh, causing me to flush enough to where my ears are burning.

“You are the perfect size.” He says, once he’s calmed down, causing me to give him a wide grin.

“Good.” I breath out, the music that flows from the backyard changes from a swift pulsating beat, to a slower, almost heartbreakingly beautiful song, causing him to nod firmly, he turns us in a circle, starting the dance in a much less awkward circle, than the one that Charlie had us moving in, Carlisle seems to know how much of a lack of balance my family is known for. My head rests on his chest as I hum softly along with music, it’s oddly relaxing to be in his arms, but I keep a reminder in the corner of my mind, that I am not his mate, that his love is given to someone, I have to keep telling myself, not to fall for him, no matter how much it hurts.

“Are you serious?!” Someone yells. “Both of you?!” I spin around to find Jacob standing at the foot of the stairs, a scowl on his face as I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, a feeling of embarrassment makes itself known to me, in my chest. “Emma, they’re not even human!” Jacob hisses.

“I… They are more human, Jacob Black, than you at this point!” I hiss, slipping my heels on, and stalking over to him. “It’s not as those I’m his mate, I’m his friend! He’s upset, I am trying to make him feel better, that’s what friends do! That’s something you did at one point, instead of making your best friend cry.” He flinches, visibly, at my words, before I huff the same stray lock of hair from my face, turning back to the house, where I stalk up the stairs, snatching up the crystal glass on the balcony, I toss my head back, drinking the smooth champagne in one go, causing Carlisle to freeze. “I need more champagne.” I growl, starting back toward the party. I know this was a mistake, drinking, but at this point, I don’t, honestly, care.

B l u e   H o l e

Requested: Nope

Member: Min Yoongi

Genre: Fluff, implied smut, heavy angst

Word Count: 8,420

Warnings: This story contains mentions of death, suicide, and abuse. If you aren’t comfortable with these subjects, you should not read it.

A/N: Okay, so this story is based off of one of my favorite books, titled “All the Bright Places,” by Jennifer Niven. I started crying while writing this, so it’ll probably spark up some kind of emotion in you. Thanks for reading Lovelies~

      Is today a nice day to die?

That question, that seven word question, is one I, (Y/N) (L/N), ask myself every single day that I live. So far, as you can see, the answer has turned out to be no. Or, rather than no, it would be “maybe, but let’s just push ourselves to get through one more miserable day in this hellhole, and see what happens next.” And I’ll never know, maybe I’ll go out with a bang, dying from something in a crowd, or silently passing in my sleep. Life is full of mysteries, and death is the only one that I care to think about daily.

      Will today be the day?

      And if not today - when?

Also a few other questions I ask myself on the daily, including today. The thoughts swirl around in my head, as I stand on the narrow ledge of my high school, watching the oblivious passerby that look like simple ants. I feel like I’m one with the sky, I’m so high up. I could just let the wind drift me down to the ground, I would make Marry Poppins look bad. I don’t really remember how I got up here - as well as what happened before this winter. It always turns out like this, my memories vanishing into thin air, only the smallest fragments being left behind, but never enough for me to put them together piece by piece. That’s what happens when I fall Asleep. Not necessarily as in the body function of sleeping, but something else. Here, allow me to explain.

      To be Asleep is to be dead. Not physically, but emotionally, as well as mentally. Think of it as being someone who has no emotions, no path in life. A living, breathing, human zombie. You cannot feel any pain, you cannot love anyone, you cannot hate anyone. You’ve basically gone brain dead. But, after what seems like a lifetime, you’ll become Awake again, without any memories of what the hell had just happened to you. Anyways, enough about being Asleep, and back to what actually happened this fine day.

      “Ladies and gentlemen. Is today the day? Is today the day where I end my life, with all of you here to witness this great show?” My speech only brought the common mumbles from the other students from below, the normal, “Go ahead, we won’t miss you”, “Get your crazy ass down from there before you hurt someone”, and the all too familiar: “You act like any of us care.” But, then came a few proclamations that you hadn’t heard before - “Wait, is that Yoongi?”, “What’s he doing up there?”, “He’s probably gonna talk her down. Poor guy, he thinks that she actually matters.” And that’s when you saw him.

      The Min Yoongi, standing on the other side of the bell tower, staring blankly at the ground.

      “Whoa there, hey, boy, are you okay?” Only when he turned did I see that look in his eyes, the look to end his life. I knew that look. I saw it staring back at me every day in the mirror. Shit. Good boys shouldn’t want to kill themselves, that’s my job. “H-hey, don’t worry, everything’s gonna be fine. Okay? Just step away from the ledge. I won’t hurt you, you’ll be okay, come here. We’ll get you down safe. Alright?” And then, the realization sunk into him, and I saw the look of pure horror on his face. The look that said, I don’t know how I got up here, I don’t know what I was thinking, but please, please, just help me. So that’s what I did. “Here, swing your leg back over the railing, and grab onto the bell. The ledge is too thin for you, come, it’ll be okay.” He moved in probably the most ungraceful way I could’ve ever seen, but I saw all the beauty that was held beneath this boy’s cold exterior, hidden under his head of mint hair, and buried deep underneath the left side of his black leather jacket. Maybe death wasn’t the only thing I loved. After he was safely behind the railing, a few claps came from the ground, and as I peered over the ledge, I was only met with the piercing and judgmental gazes of the other students and my principle, Mr. Wiele. I hate that man, that fat, stubby, ugly bald man. But, just gotta keep up my happy little facade and maybe I’ll be okay. Maybe. I swiftly jumped over the railing, to be met with the boy’s gaze, staring at me deeply.

      “A thank you would be appreciated, Yoongi.”

       “U-um, t-thanks… (Y/-”

       “(Y/N). But you can call me (L/N).” I beamed a smile at him, and I couldn’t possibly see how this boy was the confident, cool Yoongi you had always heard rumors about. “Well, you’d better get down there. Everyone thinks you saved me, because I just couldn’t get the wonderful title of being a hero. Go on, shoo. I’ll see you later.” Just then, my friend Charlie comes up. He has a darker complexion, and also gets laid more than anyone I know. But, then again, I don’t really know that many people.

       “They’re serving pizza today.” He says, as if I’m not eight stories above ground ready to kill myself. But, I’m not, because you shouldn’t kill yourself if there’s pizza in store for you. That’s just a rule. Well, not today. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Now isn’t the time, (Y/N). Not when you get to have pizza. I smiled, and looked over to a blank looking Yoongi.

      “Well, we’d better get going. See ya Minty.”

      “Oh yeah, (Y/N)? Mr. Hoarts wants to see you.” Ah shit. Maybe it should’ve been today. But there are a lot of people around, I’ll still have to wait.

      “Ugh, fine, let’s go. Bye Minty.” I offered a smile to Yoongi over my shoulder, only to be met with an empty gaze. So much for a thank you.

      “Do you think this is some kind of joke, (L/N)?” Mr. Hoarts’s voice seemed to bounce off the walls, and god, I hate his voice. It’s so annoying and whiny and ugh, he’s just terrible.

      “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your death is some kind of joke?”

      Yes. “No, sir.”

      “Do you think your family would be okay? And that they wouldn’t miss you?”

      They wouldn’t give a single shit, they’d probably be glad that I left their lives. These thoughts started racing through my head too, and soon it would be too much of a hassle to answer these questions because he knows that what I’m thinking is true, and he also knows that I know that he’s secretly reading these questions off of a pamphlet under his desk. “I’m sure they would miss me, sir.” A sigh left his lips. His ugly, hideous, disgustingly chapped lips. No wonder he’s single. He leans over the desk, his hands now crossed and setting on a few papers, which looked like forms for some depression pills, which, surprisingly, aren’t prescribed for me. But I guess I already have some. He was too close for comfort, even though there was quite a distance between us. If the distance isn’t the problem, maybe it’s the fucking garlic bagel he had for breakfast. God, did you just eat a full clove? Learn how to brush your damn teeth! You need a mint? I got some of those. Some gum? Got that too. Anything man, just please, you smell like a dog’s asshole.

      “(Y/N), you’re a good girl.” Ew. “You have a lot to live for, and you don’t need to squander it by making bad decisions, and you surely don’t need to end it. I care about you, kid.” Ew. Again. And, that’s also one of the biggest lies I’ve ever heard. That, and the fact that my dad loves me. That right there is pure bullshit. But so is this speech. “Don’t kill yourself. Okay?”

      “Yes, sir.” I hope he knows that’s the best answer he’s gonna get. Another sigh, and he leans back in his chair.

      “You’re free to go. I don’t wanna see you back in here for a long while, (L/N).”

      “Yes, sir.” And I left. He never once mentioned Yoongi, and I’m relieved.

       By lunch, the news that Min Yoongi had saved (Y/N) (L/N) from jumping off of the bell tower to her death was all around the entire school.. On my way to the cafeteria, coming from English Literature, I got caught up behind this group of girls who were talking about it. You know, the girls who talk really high-pitched, and at the end of every statement they say, their pitch raises just a bit more and makes it sound like a question. So, like, I heard she had a gun? And like, Yoongi had to wrestle it out of her hands? And, she was, like, about to shoot him? Okay, so apparently I’m all tragic and dangerous now. Oh yeah, I think. Totally.

       “So, tell me the scoop on the Yoongi dude.” I shove a piece of pizza into my mouth as I say that, looking over at Charlie and my other friend Violet expectantly.

      “Don’t you both have like, five classes together?”

      “What, do you think I actually talk to him? Today marks the first day he’s ever even glanced in my general direction, even if I did just talk him out of killing himself. He’s with the cool kids, right?” Their hums of approval urged me forward, realizing he’s had a few scarring incidents of his own. “Oh… wait, he was the one with the brother who got in a car crash, right? Last winter?” More hums. “Ahhhh… So I’m guessing today means something important to him, if he’s just now going to the ledge. Besides pizza, I mean. That’s important to everyone.” Now an eye roll from both of them. “Well if you two aren’t gonna be any help, I’ll just head to class early then.” I picked up all my shit and saluted to them both as I threw my trash away and sauntered out from the lunch hall.   

      I get to my U.S. Geography classroom, feeling some emotions, like power, excitement, invincibility, and strangely, exhilaration, as if I just escaped, well, death. I look around, and no one is paying attention to me, nor our teacher Mr. Scizer, who is literally the largest man I have ever laid my eyes on. He has a beet red face, that makes him look like he’s always on the verge of having a heatstroke or a heart attack. Which, he probably is. And his has this wheeze when he talks, and even when he breathes. 

      We’re doing some sort of “Exploring Indiana” unit, where students have to actually get off of their lazy asses and get out of their houses for once. It was also a way for kids to, “Learn more about our glorious state and discover all of the beautiful things it holds.” A quote from Mr. Scizer, except without the wheezing and breathy pauses he had to take. No joke.

      A noise somewhere across the room stops his speech, possibly the sound of a boy dropping his book on the floor. He bends down to pick it up, which then upsets the rest of his books and causing them all to tumble to the ground. A quiet, “Goddamn it,” leaves the boy’s lips as he grabs everything from the floor. This is all followed by laughter, because we’re in high school, and apparently this shit is supposed to be funny. The boy who dropped his books is Min Yoongi, as in the one I saved from plummeting to his death on the bell tower. I can see the slight glimmer of annoyance in his dark chocolate orbs. Not the, ‘You-are-all-so-damn-annoying-and-I’m-about-to-just-walk-out’ kind, but more like the ‘I’m-about-to-die-from-embarrassment-right-now-and-if-you-all-don’t-shut-the-hell-up-I-will-kill-you’ kind. I have felt this many times before, and, seeing as Yoongi is about one dropped pencil away from strangling someone, I knock one of my own books down. All eyes are on me. Leaning over to grab it, I purposely shove the others off my desk, followed by more laughter and the normal, “Nice job, freak” from the school’s biggest dick - Gage Raymond.

      “If you’re… Done… Miss (Y/N)… I would like… To… Continue.” I settle back into my chair, take a bow, and offer a wink and a smile to Yoongi. I see the slightest upturn of his lips, before he turns back to the front of the class, and I immediately feel so much better. 

      Mr. Scizer fixes his gaze on Yoongi, then on me, back to Yoongi, back to me, and finally, onto the blackboard behind him.  He picks up a piece of chalk and scribes out the words, “Wander the Wonders”. He’s really bad at titles.

      “As I… Was saying… You all need to… Wander around Indiana… In pairs as you… Discover the beauties… Of our state… Together.” He goes on to ramble about how we can choose wherever we would like to go, and however we would like to do it. We also have to try to find out ways they all relate, and we have to document the fact that we actually went there with videos and pictures, along with a ten page essay. “This assignment… Will be worth… Forty-five percent… Of your final grade.”

      I raise my hand.


      “Do we get to choose out partners?”


      “I choose Yoongi.”

      “You can both… Work that… Out… After class is… Dismissed.” After class it is then, I mouth to him. And he smiles. Again. I made him smile.

      As per usual, Gage Raymond blocks my way from getting out of this hellhole.

      Raymond says, “I’d better not catch you looking at me again.” I try not to laugh at this, because I know if I do, it’ll start a fistfight.

      “I wasn’t looking at you. Trust me, there are about a million other thing I would rather look at, including Mr. Scizer’s large, naked ass.”

      “Fag.” Breathe, (Y/N). Count. He isn’t worth the effort to kill. Just count. You’ll be fine. One, two, three… And that little voice inside my head was right. He wasn’t worth any kind of effort, especially the kind that would go into having to distract everyone, kill him silently, drag him off somewhere, and act innocent. Instead, I plastered this dumb, sweet smile on my face as I looked up at him and said,

      “I’m glad you know who you truly are.” And I walked out.

      At home, I jump onto my computer and do something I’ve never done - make a social media account. I create a Facebook name, post a profile pic, and go straight to Yoongi’s page. I send a friend request, and I wait. Then, a few minutes later, I’m suddenly engrossed in a conversation with him on where we should visit for the project, actually being accepted by someone for once in my life. 

      After skipping dinner, the conversation suddenly got a bit too deep.

Me: So, why exactly were you on the bell tower today?

Yoongi: Well, today would’ve been my brother’s 19th birthday. He always said some shit about how he was gonna wreck the whole town on this night, and he’d bring me with him.

Me: Oh, that makes a bit more sense. You just didn’t seem like the person who would want to.. Y’know… Kill themselves.

Yoongi: Well, what about you? Why were you up there??

Me: Oh, I was going to jump, but it was too public, too crowded, and it was probably gonna be too messy. Then I saw you, and I thought, “Oh shit, we don’t need the janitor working overtime.”

Yoongi: Shit, I’m sorry for asking…

Me: Nah, it’s fine Minty.

Yoongi: “MINTY”???


Yoongi: Oh my fucking god, you’re the only person I will ever let call me that.

Me: I feel honored, Sir Yoonglz.

Yoongi: oKAY, goodnight (N/N)


Yoongi: and sweet dreams to you too.

      And now, now that I’m still here, that I’m still alive, that I’m still Awake, I’m actually happy. Because I may have never fallen in love with this boy if I wasn’t. 

      “So not today,” I sing, “I won’t leave yet, because he smiled at me.”

      Yoongi and (Y/N)’s Rules for Wandering

  1. There are no rules. Life is one big rule as is.
  2. But, there are guidelines. (What? They sound less strict, okay?)

           a) No using phones or a GPS to get us there. All maps. (and the occasional civilian) 

           b) We alternate who chooses where we go, but we also have to just go with the flow of where the road takes us. But, no matter what, under any circumstance, can the spot be ordinary.

           c) At every spot, we have to leave something of ours behind, kinda like an offering. And, if we’d like, we can use it as an exchange, and take something with us from the spot.

      I clamber into my old pickup, better known as Combine, because this baby could plow through anything. It’s the middle of the night, and I step on the gas as hard as I can. And off I go. My foot is pressed down against the floor of the truck, the sudden urge to go faster hitting me like a bullet. Faster, and faster, and faster, I speed out of the town and fly down the gravel roads. The speedometer climbs up higher and higher, a joyous feeling as I see the needle shaking, and going to it’s furthest point. And then I let loose. I slow to a stop, and I turn around. Now I’m on my way to Yoongi’s house.

      I make it back there in about five minutes, and I park the truck halfway down the street so I don’t look too suspicious. As I come up to his house, I grab a few pebbles from the street and fling them at his window. After seeing no sign of him, I climbed up the vines and hopped through his window. That surely woke him up, because I immediately see him shoot up and pull out a hunting knife.

      “God fuckin- Shit, (Y/N)!  I was about to fucking stab you!” I fall onto the edge of his bed laughing and clutching my stomach, clawing at the fabric of my thin shirt. “Stop laughing!” I could hear how his smile was slowly spreading over his features, and lighting up his eyes as a quiet chuckle escaped his lips. 

      “I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one who has a knife at hand while they’re sleeping.” At this, a wide, adorable gummy smile pulls at his mouth, and I didn’t know any kind of disease or sickness that could possibly be more infectious than that damn smile.

      “That makes two of us. But anyways, what are you doing here?” I smiled again, and chucked a shirt and some sweatpants at him after noticing that he was completely naked, save for a pair of boxers that were loosely hanging around his waist. 

      “We are going wandering. Chop chop, leave a note or something, and off we go.” I threw some shoes and socks onto his bed, slipped into a sweatshirt of his, and quickly pulled him out of the window before he could tie his shoes. “Hurry up and climb, I’ll race ya to the truck!” With that, I bolted off down the street, sprinting in the middle of the road. Surprisingly, he caught up and and beat me to the truck. We both jumped in, and we sped off to my special place, my safe place, the Blue Hole.

      I could see his head turn to admire me, and I tried to hide the enormous grin that was bound to paint itself on my face. “So… Where exactly are we going?” Oh, I think, there’s the grin. I crank up the radio so the music carries its way out of the window, and I laugh when I look over to him. Who would’ve known that he could look so beautiful in the moonlight?

      I lean over and peck his cheek as I look back at the road ahead of us, Combine, my mind, and my heart, all racing at the same time. “The Blue Hole!!” I have to yell in order for him to hear me over the radio, but fuck, it feels so good to be able to yell. “It’s my safe spot, it’s like- Y’know what, you’ll see when we get there!!!” I smile over at him again, and it’s like the entire world only consists of us, this truck, and this road.

      We get there at the crack of dawn, the sunrise painting the sky in an array of vibrant colors, like violet, blue, orange, and various other shades. I turn over to Yoongi, smiling from ear to ear. “Okay, so this is the Blue Hole. It’s a quarry with on of those trenches in it, where if can be eight feet deep for one foot and then suddenly you’re sinking down into a hole of a deep blue abyss. So, I named it that because it’s kinda like a black hole, only with water, sucking you down deeper and deeper. So yeah, come on!!~” I put Combine in park, get out and slam the door shut, rip off my clothes, and dive in.

      “(Y/N), WAIT!!!!” I can hear Yoongi’s distressed cry even from how deep I am. I must be at least twenty feet down. I stay down there for around five or six minutes, seeing how long I could stay. I’m used to practicing at home, in the bath or just out of water. Being surrounded my the liquid made it all different. My lungs are screaming for air, trying to claw and grasp at the faintest molecule for any sign of relief. My eyelids are slowly drooping, and the light from the surface seems to be slowly fading. I swim up, up, up, to the point where I think this is all a dream, one repetitive motion, and I’ve really been Asleep this whole time. After what seems like an eternity, air gets sucked into my lungs as I gasp for it, trying to shake the black dots away that are littering my vision. I swim to the side where I can stand, and I look up to be crushed in a giant hug.

      “Y-you bitch… God… I-I thought you were dead… I though you left me…” His voice cracked as many times as possible, and I heard how broken he was. He cares for me, I thought. He missed me. He was worried. I slowly move my arms up, ignoring how my muscles were pleading for rest, feeling like sandbags were tied to my wrists. My fingers dance through his hair, closing my eyes to soak up this moment. He really does care. I squeeze my eyes shut and croak out, noticing how dry and harsh my voice sounded, knowing it would stay that way for a few days. 

      “… I-I’m so sorry, Yoongi…” I didn’t realize that I was crying until the salty liquid hit the corner of my lips. “I’m so, so sorr-” I couldn’t hear my voice anymore, but I could feel the soothing feeling of his lips on mine. He hoisted me up and carried me out of the water, my legs instantly wrapped around his waste as he walked back up the trail to Combine. I had already had a thick comforter in the flatbed, it being taped down from when I would drive off and spend days in my truck. He laid me down, instantly climbing between my legs as he slipped off the last pieces of clothing I had on. I had no idea what emotions really were before I met Min Yoongi.

      I laid in his arms, both of our gazes directed up to the clouds. My fingers absentmindedly ran up and down his arm, leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake. My heart was still calming down from what had just happened, because it happened with someone I love, and they love me back. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that fact. I felt like I could live forever - and for once in my miserable, useless, life, I don’t feel apposed to that idea. As long as I’m by his side.

      As we gathered our stuff and threw on our clothes, I held his shirt and smiled up at him. “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.” His laugh reverberated throughout my being, his smile nothing compared to the sun beating down on us both.

      “I love you too, Miss (N/N).”

We decided that this would absolutely be a spot, so I threw a few historical coins into a tin from my truck, and Yoongi tossed his old necklace in with it. We buried the tin near the shore, and turned back to Combine. With one last kiss, we were both back on the road to what normal people would call, ‘home’. 

      We’re as far from normal as possible.

      “I’m home.” My voice rang through the house, my sister’s head poking out from the kitchen.

      “Good. We have to go to dad’s house tonight, remember?” God. Not him. He was a poor excuse for a human, even worse than myself. Fuck, he’d be a poor excuse for a damn rat.

      The words left my lips before I could process what I was saying. “Don’t call him that.” I’m lucky this was my sister, because we both believe that he shouldn’t even be on this planet. “You and I both know his status is lower than a damn gnat.” I sighed as she looked at  me with eyes that told me, yes, I know. He’s terrible. And I feel sorry for mom. I went up to my room, and lit up a cigarette as I changed into something. I shouldn’t even be putting any effort into this, I thought. He doesn’t deserve any effort. I decided on some black ripped jeans and some worn out black Chuck Taylors, keeping on Yoongi’s sweatshirt that I had almost forgot was on my torso.

      “(Y/N), let’s go!! Take your truck, I’ll head over now!” I looked toward the door and yelled back down to my sis.

      “Okay, don’t let him touch you.” I could hear her faint sigh as she grabbed her keys and walked out. I heard her car pull out from the driveway, and I turned to look at the picture on my desk. It was one of me, my sister, my mother, and what used to be my father, except for how I tore him off and burned him with a lighter. He left our family after abusing all of us, then finally saying that he’d already been cheating on our mother for six years prior. Then, my mom died in a car crash, and now it’s just me and my sis. I grabbed the frame and slammed it down onto my knee, shards of glass propelling all over my room. Why is he still alive? He shouldn’t be walking!

      After I got all of the glass out of my palms, and washed off all of the blood, I hopped into Combine and drove off to my “Father”s house. It really was a nice house, very expensive and very fancy. It was obvious he was in this relationship for the money. He married this really rich Daddy’s Girl, but she’s a surprisingly nice person. I have no idea how she’s dealt with him thus far, especially without getting a few broken bones from him. She’s probably scared, I think. I pull up and park my pickup in the driveway, hoping that the neighbors won’t have to call the cops again. Yet we all know just that will happen. 

      My fingers are prickling, like ten thousand needles all stabbing me at once, and I feel the need to wrap them around someone’s throat and just squeeze. I hop out and enter almost completely silent, a tactic I’ve used to get into Yoongi’s house in broad daylight. I offer Rhynna, the new wife, a nod, glare at her scrawny little boy, Tyler - who may or may not be that man’s, I still don’t think so - and I head downstairs to see my sis in the corner on her phone. My stature hardens instantaneously at the words that fall from the man’s mouth.

      “There’s my other girl.” Don’t. Fucking. Call. Me. That. Before I could stop myself, I’ve already stalked over to him and slammed my fist into his jaw. I heard the cracking sound of his right jaw joint dislocating, and a surge of power washed over me. The prickling in my fingers is getting stronger, and I encase his throat with my hands and wring them back and forth. 

      “Don’t you EVER call me that again!”  Next thing I knew, I was the one getting strangled, my whole body being held up in the air by his hand on my neck.

      “Is that how you treat your father? Don’t call you what? Huh?! Spit it out, bitch!” I feel an immense pain shooting through my back, and up to my skull as I see I was thrown into the wall. This is how family reunions go with us.

      Now I’m getting picked up again, by my hands this time. I feel my fingers touch the back of my hand, all the knuckles and joints twisting and snapping. Once again, I’m being dropped, and I’m met face to face with the man, who’s in an unconscious state from a vase - which is probably worth more than my truck - that hit him on the head. I look up to my teary and red-eyed sister, and only mutter a few quiet words.

      “Please don’t take me to the hospital. Just get him behind bars.”  

        We get home after a while, and my sis stitches up my head and chin, as well as making some makeshift casts for my hands. After many attempts, I finally type out something on Facebook, that he would possibly be able to read.

Me: Please come over.

      A few minutes later, after thinking he hadn’t seen it, my bedroom door bursts open to see Yoongi, a panting, disheveled mess, but still as beautiful as ever.

      “What happened?!” I’m ready to laugh at him, tell him this is all a joke, that it’s a big prank, with makeup and cameras. But I can’t. Because I know he see the pain in my eyes. He can see how I’m trying to hold onto that last, tiny shard of sanity I have left. He knows me better than I know me.

       My voice is hoarse and broken, surprising even myself at how I sound. “My ‘dad’ happened.” I can see how he’s ready to apologize, how he’s ready to say how sorry he is, but he doesn’t, because he knows that sorry has no meaning. Instead, he walks over to me and sits next to me on the bed, pulling me in for a warm hug, and my figure melts with his perfectly. We stay like this for a majority of the day, only breaking apart when my sister brings up food for us.

      “I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.”

      “And I love you, Miss (N/N).”

      Yoongi is always around now, helping me when my sis is at work. School excused the both of us, believing our bullshit lie that I got into a car crash and Yoongi was my designated caretaker. One morning, while he was still asleep, I managed to slip away from his grasp and get into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, and chopped off the casts. That probably woke him up, because he rushed into the bathroom and looked at me with wide eyes once he saw the casts on the floor.

      “(Y/N)!!! What are you doing?! You need the casts so you can heal proper-” I cut him off with a kiss, knowing well what he was going to say afterwards. I held either sides of his face with my mangled, twisted, crooked fingers, and looked deep into his eyes. His sigh tickled my lips, and he looked back at me when his hands wrapped around my waist. “I just… I hate seeing you this way. I just don’t want you to be hurt.” I dare not say how I’m already hurt. “It pains me to think about you like this, let alone see you. But promise me this-” I hate promises. He knows this. “-You’ll be careful.” That’s the worst promise of all. I just give him a simple nod, and he knows I’m lying, but he doesn’t push it. “Now what are you doing? Why’d you cut off the casts?” My eyes light up at this, a smile spreading over my face.

      “We’re going wandering!” I lightly grab his hand, because my fingers are still barely mobile, and tug him out.

      “What? No, no, you can barely move! I can’t let you do this, (Y/N). I can’t let you do something when I know it’ll hurt you.” He slowly pulled me to a stop, and I could see the worry in his eyes. 

      I sigh, and look up at him. “This will make me feel better, Yoongi. I promise I’ll stay in bed for awhile after, but please, just come with me.” There’s conflict swirling around his eyes, his brows furrowed in concern. He’ll say yes, I think. Knowing him, and him knowing me. His head makes the tiniest movement upward, and that’s enough for me to pull him out to Combine. I hop in with a grin, and speed out of town with my hand in his. I roll the windows down, and crank up the radio until the sound speeds out the windows and into the open air.

      “So where are we going again?” I could faintly hear Yoongi’s voice yell over the booming music, and I looked over to be met with the smile that could cure my seemingly never ending sadness.

      “I don’t know the name, but I call it the bookmobile park! There’s a bunch of mobile homes- actually, you’ll see when we get there!” I laugh as the wind licks at my cheeks, my hair flying all around. This is what life should really be like, I thought. Something worthwhile.

      We drive about thirty miles away from town, and finally, we come up to about half a dozen old mobile homes sitting in a barren field, with nothing around it for miles. I smile and jump out with him, racing him to the park. I follow him into one that has his favorite genre painted on the outside, the letters chipping and peeling away. I’m surprised he could even understand what it said. He gathers up some books, all with worn covers and damaged pages, and I smile once I see the familiar childhood titles.

      “My brother would read these all to me when I was younger. We would go back and forth with the lines. He’d read one, and I’d read the next. I memorized all of them, and he called me crazy for it. Hell, I probably still have them memorized.” I can’t really imagine having something like that happening to me. He’s my everything, just like his brother was to him, and I couldn’t bare the thought of loosing him. But it would happen sooner or later. Rather, sooner than later.

      We’d gathered up a pile of books, and went to pay. The owner, an older woman, let us off for free saying that we were a “Cute couple, and they get things handed to them.” Then we realized that we had to leave something, so we left twenty bucks anyways and a few cigarette butts we had earlier. We packed all of our books, and sat in the car. I realized how much I love him. I realize how much he cares. But I realize that I was a mistake, a walking, talking, living, breathing, fuck up. I should be dead by now, I should’ve jumped, or stopped holding my breath, or had too many pills. I realized all of this, so I got in Combine with him, and I told myself: Just drive.

      He picks a place now, called the Painted Rainbow Bridge. I let him drive, and we speed off to find it in Indianapolis, not giving a care in the world. We pass a cigarette back and forth, and finally, after three cigarettes and more than one hundred songs, we find what we’re looking for. I get out and walk with him, a sharpie hidden in the pocket of his sweatshirt I’m wearing. We walk over to the more hidden side of the bridge, and I pull the sharpie out and hand it to him.

      “Time to do some cliche teenager move.” I laugh with him as he scribbles his name down, and I shakily position the marker in my bent fingers. He holds my hand to help, guiding it along to spell my name. God, I’m going to miss him. Anyways, we walk our way along the bridge, reading all of the old love notes scrawled out on the sides. Swinging our hands back and forth, we race each other back to the truck, which ended up with him carrying me like a newlywed because he was worried about my back. We left a banged up tin of Altoids under it the bridge, along with a dented can of beer. He drove us back home, and he stayed the night with me, starting up a warm bath for my joints.

      I need to end this, I thought. I can’t let him know.

      Later that night, we made a fort in my empty closet, and he saw all my post-its hanging on the wall. “What are all of these?” Reasons to die.

      “Oh, I just wrote them down in case I wanted to use them for a song. In that case, here, I have something for you.” I rummaged around in an old shoebox before I found what I was looking for. I had thrown together all the songs we listen to while we’re wandering onto a cassette tape, as well as a whole other one with songs I wrote for him. “I don’t know if you’ll really like them, but I threw them together pretty quick.” A kiss was all I needed from him, as I moved to his lap, so I could feel how much I actually mattered to him, so I could feel the desire he had for me.

      Later, we tore down all the sad, miserable, and painstakingly true notes, and we replaced them with notes of love, and happiness. Two emotions that I learned now that I had Yoongi with me. Once he falls asleep, I look up at the old, glowing, sticky stars that are on the ceiling.

      “Maybe not today,” I sing. “Maybe not today, because he cares. They say every life is important, but only one person cares about mine. It’s the first breath of air you get when your head’s been drowning underwater, that’s love.”

      We let Yoongi go home tonight, after giving him many kisses and dancing for him just to show that I was all okay. I couldn’t sleep that night. So, I went to my bathroom and slid open to mirror to find all my pills. I had some pain killers and sleeping pills that my sis gave me, earlier in the phase where everything was aching. I pour all of the pills out into my hands from both bottles. 22, 23, 24… 24 in total. What happens if I down 24 pills? I didn’t know, so I tested it, doing 12 at a time. I felt nothing for a bit, but then it hit me, the aching pain in my head, how reality was slipping out of my reach, black dots trying to cloud my vision. No, not yet, I told myself. I didn’t get to tell him. Crawling to the toilet, I shoved two fingers down my throat, pushing them in and out, until every last little pill was floating in the water. I flushed them down the drain once I counted another time, just to make sure. Well, that was easy. Maybe I’ll leave that way.

      I wake up in the morning, or more like late afternoon, and quickly blast some music so I could function a bit more properly. Later, I logged onto Facebook to see where we’d be going today.

Me: Got any ideas Sir Minty Yoonglz?

Yoongi: Surprisingly, I do. There are these two roller coasters some junkie dude built in his backyard. I think he’s kinda old now, but I called him to check if we could come, and he said we could. We’re supposed to be there sometime around 4 o’clock, so you’d better get ready because I know you just woke up. 

Me: You’re saying I just woke up? You were still asleep and just woke up from the notification and you know it! 

Yoongi: Yeah yeah, whatever (Y/N).

Me: Love you too~

      After getting ready, I packed up a few strawberry and cream cheese sandwiches and some cold root beer for supper. When two arms wrapped around my waist, a smile found its way onto my face. I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek, smiling up at him.

      “Ready (N/N)?”

      “Indeed, Minty Yoonglz.” We walked out hand in hand, and he drove us off to Bruceville, off to meet the junkie genius named John Ivers, who built two fucking roller coasters in his backyard. Now that’s talent. It takes us a while to get there, but it was definitely worth the wait. They weren’t the giant, eighty feet tall kind, they were only about fifteen feet tall, and really short. But the second you got on, it was the most fun you would have had in a long time.You go up and down, through all the twists and loops, in a super short period of time. It really gets your blood pumping, to know that this thing might fall apart any second, and hey, maybe that’s how I’ll die. Having a coaster cart crush me as I fall fifteen feet down to the ground, or maybe the seat belt isn’t secure enough, and I’ll slip out and hit my head too hard. We both take turns, going on and off, and then we try the Blue Flash Too. That one isn’t nearly as fun as the original, so we go back to it. We ask John a few questions while I scribble some notes down, and doodle a few pictures of the coasters down. Later, we drive off to a field and eat the supper I packed.

      “So babe… Tell me about your brother…” I could tell how his body froze a bit underneath me, and I knew I should’ve just left it alone. Typical, stupid (Y/N).

      “Well… His name was Seokjin. Though, everyone just called him Jin. We were driving back from a party one night, and we were fighting in the car. I told him to just take the bridge, even though it was bound to be icy. He did it just so I would shut up, just so he could make me happy… T-the car crashed up against the side of it, and… I was the one who lived… God, I should’ve been the one who was driving, I should’ve died, I should’ve just let him take the damn road! I should’ve jumped.” My heart slams into my stomach at that, my arms wrapping around him tight.

      “You’re too young to die. You have too much ahead of you, too many great things that will get you ahead of life’s threats. You’ll get through this Yoongi. Trust me.” Trust me, I thought. Trust me, just this once. Because it’ll be me, not you. I really couldn’t take this, knowing what would happen to him. I know he should’ve stayed away, but really, his life would’ve been worth more to save then mine. So now we’re here. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t be alive, he should be all okay, with a better girl, and a better life, and everything would be okay. I wouldn’t have dragged him down with me, he wouldn’t have even known I had existed, I’d just be the girl who killed herself. And I’d be okay with that, if I didn’t meet him. And that’s been the best and worst decision of my life.

      We finally get home, splitting our different ways. I sit at my chair and  look down at the combinations of black and white keys, and I slowly play some chords, letting the sound float around my room. Then I sing. “I can change my mind each day, changing how I live, but I still remember your birthday and your brother’s favorite song. I didn’t mean to wear you, so I’m sorry. I’m sorry I treated you like shit, I’m sorry for not believing you loved me. Someone will, but someone isn’t me.” I stay up the rest of the night, move all of my stuff into a corner, and pull out some paint. I cover the walls, painting it all black. I take some chalk and scribble down a note for someone on the wall, and I take everything out of the room. I keep a few blankets, and I spend the night in my closet, emptying all of the clothes out of it. I stay up, looking at the glow in the dark stars, just thinking, maybe I could become a real one tomorrow.

      I was supposed to be at school the next day, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t anywhere. Because I was everywhere. During our lunch break, My computer and phone both started blowing up. Yoongi was worried. He didn’t have to be.

Yoongi: (Y/N)? Where are you?

Yoongi: I haven’t seen you here all day.

Yoongi: I know it was something I said.

Yoongi: God, I’m so sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean any of the things I said last night.

      Oh, yeah. I guess I forgot to mention, but after I told him that he had too much to live for, a fight broke out. See, once again, all my fault. Just like everything is.

“Who are you to tell me what I have ahead of me?! He was my everything! I’m nothing without him, I don’t have anything left of him, and he was my best memory. I should’ve died, I should just go kill myself, maybe I’ll just crash this damn car, and go out like him! Maybe it’ll look like an accident, just like us.”

      I had never seen this side of him, but he obviously doesn’t like it. I hope he’s okay. I love you, Sir Minty Yoonglz.

      He went to Charlie and Violet, thinking that they would know. No one really knew.

      “Do you two know where (Y/N) is?” I can just imagine the worry in his eyes again.

      Charlie actually looked up from his phone for once, and calmly explained what he thought had happened to me.“Oh, she’s probably just off doing her things again. She’ll be back sooner or later, don’t fret. It’s just her.” I won’t be back.

      “Aren’t you at least a bit worried about her?”

      This time, Violet spoke up. “Really Yoongi, don’t worry. She’ll be okay, she just randomly travels sometimes, no one really knows when it happens or where she goes. But she always comes back.” Not this time.

      It had been weeks, months, even, since anyone had last seen me. Same for Yoongi. He had gone out to look for me, going back to every wandering place, back to my house, seeing every note I had written. He knew he was hot on my trail, seeing how every hint I gave was still fresh. He was still a bit too slow, though. He had finally come back to the place where everything was made official, where everything started fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. Where the first butterflies had come in, where the first kiss had happened, where we had shared our first tears together - The Blue Hole. Quickly, he dug through the old, crumbled dirt, looking for that old tin. Finally, he found a mound of disturbed soil, and he pulled out the tin. Everything was still there and intact, except for the added Polaroid of us in front of the Blue Hole, and a note, a small note that read:

      To Yoongi, aka Sir Minty Yoonglz.

I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You were my one and only lover, my first and my last, the only one who cared, and the best and worst decision that ever happened to me. I didn’t mean to leave you and all of the things that we had behind. You worried about me too much. No one else worried enough.

From your lover, (Y/N), aka (N/N).

      That’s when he knew. That’s when he knew that the tears hitting the paper weren’t all some part of a terrifying nightmare, or that this wasn’t all normal for me to do, or that this wasn’t all a prank that would have over a million views on Youtube. That’s when he knew.

      He knew when he saw my body, floating lifelessly in the water, on the other shore of the Blue Hole. That’s when he knew he was too late, and that he had just missed me.

      That’s when he knew he lost the single thing that he had cared about.

      That’s when he knew he lost me.

The Butterfly Effect: Chapter 4

A/N: Ask and you shall receive. Fair warning: things are about to get real messy *evil laughter*. On a more positive note… it might bring certain two teenagers a bit closer.

Enjoy! And if you do, for goodness sake, let me know! :D

That said, I also want to thank all the beautiful souls who continue reading this story, who let me know how much they like it, and which parts they like the most. I love every single one of you. Never stop, and neither will I ;)

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Dean has suffered more than Sam?

And does it actually matter/is it something we can even measure?

I take issue with many of the points OP brought up. I would never criticize the person who made this post, but I do strongly disagree with the content, and I’ll try to address the reasons why below. Thanks to the fantastic @eruthiawenluin, who brought the post to my attention. 

It’s near-impossible to quantify suffering. Both brothers have suffered; suffering is not a badge of honor but a fact of their lives. I’m not going to try to measure the levels of suffering each character has endured, because suffering can only be accurately measured by the person experiencing it.  We can only present facts, so I’m going to address the points of OP’s argument and why I disagree.

Beware: Potential fandom- and Dean-criticism.

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Week One aka Bad Boys, Doll Boys, WhaBoom Boys, Oh My

Dear friends,

Just as the sun rises each day, so a new season of The Bachelorette begins this week. Try as we might to avoid it, try as the world might to progress past the point wherein this show could possibly still find cultural relevance, The Bachelor franchise somehow pulls us back time and again. Some of you have been on this journey since the beginning; others are newcomers, curious to explore. And yet all of us must ask the same question: why?

Why does this show have such lasting power? Why, in the age of Tinder dating and declining marriage rates, does it still click for us? Is it that at our core we still believe in the idea of grand romance, and this contrived televised mating spectacle somehow counts? Is it because it appeals to our more primordial sensibilities, the same kind of entertainment as the gladiators fighting to the death for the pride of Rome, Sir Jorah fighting for Khaleesi in the Pits of Meereen, or the two iguanas I saw on spring break battling for the resort’s one lady iguana? Do we get the same sick satisfaction watching thirty dudebros in bowties fight to the elimination for the heart of some hot stranger on TV?

Come seek the answers with me, friends. Let’s dive in.

Here’s What Happened Monday

  • RACHEL LINDSAY IS BACK Y’ALL! She’s a smart lawyer from Dallas with a good blowout who knows how to play b-ball by herself and say lawyer things like “Objection, your honor, speculation!”  She was dumped last season by a turtleneck-wearing dingdong I refuse to name, but now she’s back in the spotlight and ready to find The One.
  • As we all know, no one can find The One without the advice of The Many. Two white-haired grannies approach Rachel in the park and urge her not to “sleep with all’a them!” while her former-Bachelor-competitors-turned-Swiftian-lady-squad earnestly and innocently encourage her to “let someone go hard for her” – both wise and caring sentiments, shared by the elderly and the most recent losers of the show.
  • But alas, advice aside, Rachel is only here for one reason: FAME. Well, and the dudes. Probably mostly the dudes.

Let’s Meet Some Of These Nincompoops

  • Kenny is equal parts loving father and Nacho Libre. Fall as we might for his sweet smile and easy-going charm, we see him in a speedo in the first five minutes of the season and that cannot be unseen.
  • Alex is a meathead who tries to convince us he is not a meathead by lifting the heavy books he can’t read. In his free time he appears to enjoy spearing kabobs with his mother and smiling at Rubix cubes. He tries to impress Rachel by introducing her to his vacuum, and that isn’t even an innuendo.
  • Josiah is a lawyer with a bad boy sob story past and too many wide-neck sweaters. He refers to Rachel (a stranger) as “his wife” and to himself as Josiah. Those who speak in the third person are, as we all know, inherently trustworthy people.
  • Jack Stone, this season’s resident firsty-lasty, is a fellow Dallas lawyer who does not blink a single time in this episode.
  • Lucas is basically a rabid Colin Hanks, who – like Ryan Lochte, Charlie Sheen, and all our other favorite douchebags – has coined his own signature phrase. You know that kid in grade school who spent ninety percent of his day out of his seat giving the teacher reasons to stay in therapy? Whaboom!
  • Blake E. is somehow a worse version of Robbie from Jojo’s season. He loves the drums and his own… drumstick. He hates Lucas.
  • Blake K. believes in love because his grandparents didn’t do The Bachelor but still got married.

Take A Break. Stretch. Lot of Nincompoops To Get Through.

  • Bryce is a firefighter who isn’t shirtless even once this episode, which completely defeats the purpose of him being a firefighter.
  • Dean masterfully flexes his woman-wooing muscles by arriving in a floral tie, repeating his not-at-all-cringey “once you go black you never go back” line, then inviting her to play in a sandbox.
  • Eric seems like a nice young man but to be honest I’m pretty sure he’s dead. The way he sulks around in his quiet, unsettling way and wears the oversized suit he was buried in… I don’t know. I’m just pretty sure he’s dead.
  • DeMario seems sweet around Rachel but we know he’s the bad-intentioned boy Whitney warned her about! I’m bored.
  • Adam, handsome dude, brings with him a downright nightmare-inducing child-size doll of himself named Adam Jr. The only redeeming aspect of AJ’s presence is one of the other contestant’s description of the doll’s “fresh dress and dope fade.”
  • Matt shows up wearing a penguin suit and I can only hope that Rachel does the right thing and texts Alexis to grant her dibs.
  • Not unlike the connection between the French president and his high-school-teacher-turned-wife, Fred was one of the bad kids at camp when Rachel was his counselor. The fact that she can’t get over how bad he was even though he’s fine as hell now says something about how truly terrorizing he must have been.
  • Last but not least, Bryan is the sultry chiropractor who proves the age-old fact that the hottest way to seduce a woman is to talk at her in a language she can’t understand. Later, he sticks his tongue in Rachel’s mouth without warning (apparently missing the memo that consent is super in right now) and somehow that earns him the First Impression Rose. Romance!


  • Get u a man who looks at you like Chris Harrison looks at the newest Bachelor/Bachelorette getting out of a limo
  • I screamed seeing Alexis at the beginning of the episode, followed quickly by “who the f*ck is Whitney?”
  • At one point I envisioned Chris Harrison with a mustache and it was devastating
  • Until I learn all their names, I’m going to have a lot of notes like: “Rachel puts on fur, talks to a bald man”
  • I’m fairly confident every dude whose name I didn’t know was actually named Blake. I counted six Blakes.
  • I can’t wait for next week
Who are you when you’re alone?

1: magician

To be a wandering magician is to court danger, sometimes even without realizing it. A magician survives by knowing more than others do, more even than by magic or because of the talents that make one a magician. I’m always wary of what happens because of Jay: he’s eleven from far Outside the universe and his desire for adventures possibly eclipses his talent for making bindings. Which is why I’m always caution when he suggests thing, waiting to see how the universe shapes itself away from them or how Jay bends everything toward himself without even realizing it.

Charlie is human, a god-eater with a god inside her, but still human. We have both spent so long being and dealing with Jay that sometimes I forget how dangerous she can be, also unknowing. She suggests Chinese, which includes fortune cookies. Jay is naturally all about the buffet and cookies as part of that, happily eating enough for six adults. I catch up on mundane things with Charlie – she’s pestering me to watch more TV that is just TV, to find outlets where I can just be me.

I remind her of what happened when she got Jay to watch Star Wars, and get a middle finger in reply. I grin, open my fortune cookie without even thinking. I have been a magician for over ten years, which is why the grin holds when I reach the fortune.

Charlie has known me for five. “Magician?” she says quietly.

“Nothing. I think.” I pocket the fortune, ask if she can keep an eye on Jay, walk outside. ‘Who are you when you’re alone?’ the fortune asked. It is at least not a weaponized koan. I have no idea what fortune Charlie or Jay have, and odds are Jay would notice if I tried to remove or change theirs. And have questions. I leave them to their own fortunes and wander side roads of the town. A broken drain here, a piece of missing pavement there, a lost ant needing help over here. I reach out with the magic, gently push things back in place as I walk. A house missing the owners is tagged for Jay to visit, an argument in another gently lessened as I pull some of the anger, giving it to another person who can never hold anger as long as they should.

I am alone, and I and the magic both answer the fortune: I am the wandering magician, no matter if I am alone or with others. Charlie keeps wanting me to do normal things, but I don’t think I have that normal in me anyone. The magic needs to be used as much as I need to use it. For every great and terrible thing I have done – and there have been too many of those by far – it is the small magics I enjoy. The little miracles no one notices. The gentle touches to the skin of the world to soothe things.

I am no longer certain I could stop doing that, stop being that, even if I tried. It’s no longer merely duty, it was never honour. Who am I when I’m alone? Always the same as I’ve ever been. Moving in the darkness, though never away from the sun. I carry the magic, it carries me. It’s enough. Enough is more than most people get.

2: Charlie

I watch the magician walk outside, feel the distance between us. Sometimes he has to do just – go, though not in ways that break bindings with Jay. (Never that, not ever again.) Jay is getting more food and people are staring but also not noticing on some level. He hides that he’s not human, and it works even when he does things humans don’t do. I tell him I’m going out for a walk and he just nods. Trusting me, taking me at my word since that’s what Jay does. The fortune cookie crumbles in my hand without my noticing the fortune a single question: ‘Who are you when you’re alone?’

Alone. I haven’t been alone, not often. There’s the god inside me, but it’s hard to know where it ends and I begin anymore. Mostly, I don’t think about that. I’m not a magician, but I have some power, and more skill than others like me do. I can drain gods of energy to temper them, destroy those who try and be more than a god can be. I’m not bound anywhere, not beholden to any law. It makes me useful, and useful seldom gets time to be alone before others seek you out. Wanting things, needing even more than they want.

I’d like to think I’m still the Charlie I was before I met the magician. The goth girl who could pretend the world was normal, who thought the darkness was safer than the light. Now I know that different isn’t the same as safe. Nowhere is safe, not really. And every week, every month, everything I learn and am takes me further from the normal world. College? University? Even the wandering magician has given up flat-out suggesting I consider that.

Jay is from far Outside the universe, and he passes for human better than I do some days. I try not to think about it. It’s too easy to get angry. Even alone, I’m too quick to give into darkness. Where do I end? Where do I begin? Even alone, I have no way of knowing. Even alone, I’m never free from the choices I’ve made. I light a cigarette. Sometimes it helps. On the bad days, I don’t think this was my fate. On the bad days, I think the wandering magician made me into a god eater and bound the god inside me to protect the world from me.

I’ve never told him that. I have no idea what he’d say.

I have no idea if I ever mean it.

3: Jay

Charlie and Honcho leave the buffet, which means even more food for a Jay so I have third helpings of sixth helping and maybe sneak a few more plates when no one is looking cuz I’m kind of maybe hungry a lot! After, they lock the kitchen up and I know Charlie and Honcho would be cross-face if I did bindings to sneak into the back to get more food even if I only got one fortune cookie and I have lots of jaysome fortunes. So I open it, and read it and it’s pretty confusling for a Jay.

“Who are you when you’re alone?”

I scratch my head, and turn to find me sitting across the table. Mostly, older-me doesn’t visit much and I’m not allowed to think about why. There’s sadness in his eyes jaysome doesn’t hide, part of him that’s so away from me I’m not sure how to get there at all.

“I’m Jay,” I say happily.

“I know.” And I’m really good at sounding dry like Honcho when I’m fifteen. Older me reaches out a hand, reads the fortune as well. “I try and keep an eye on you, just as you come into the future to visit me sometimes.”

“Uh-huh! I am pretty jaysome at that but! it kinda means the fortune makes no sense cuz I’m not alone?!”

“You are sometimes. There are whole days I never look back on, at any age. Sometimes out of a sense of deep embarrassment.”

I stick my tongue out at me. “You should come by more often, since Charlie and Honcho don’t see you much and –.”

And things go funny. I think I learn something, but older-me does a binding so I forget it. I think maybe he has to do that a lot, which is why he doesn’t visit much?

He stands. He moves away from me like I’m some kind of sun. “There are –.” He is silent. The silence isn’t jaysome. “I should go. I just wanted you to know it all turns out all right.”

“Oooh! That means I can sneak into the kitchen and have a snack?”

“No. I meant, more in general. But there are times you are alone, and you can think about that.”

And he’s gone, and no one noticed him. I head outside. Sometimes future-me gets pretty weirdy. Who am I when I’m alone? I’m a Jay who is jaysome and nothing changes that!

Observation notes by Millard Nullings (2/9)

Hugh-oh Hugh, something’s are better kept unwritten but well I mean how could I not. One afternoon Hugh was fast asleep in the garden when a couple of those busy bees flew by Hugh’s face and geez I swear this kid has a built-in radar for them because as soon as they did he woke up immediately and frantically ran after them screaming, “HEY, WAIT UP! LET ME LOVE YOU, MUMMY IS HERE!!” Then he tripped on a twig, yes a TWIG and fell on his face and I swear I saw Henry fly out and pat him on the back but I was probably just seeing things.

-One long night, Hugh was quite ill and coughing a lot throughout the night. So I went to check on him only to see that he was just coughing up an old hive and I’ve never been so disturbed in my life. Like A WHOLE ENTIRE HIVE. How could an entire hive fit out of that boys body, the sight was just something out of a horror film like a snake shedding its skin or something. All his little bees were just resting on his bedding waiting for Hugh to clear out the space for a new one. The concept was all to weird to me.. //reminder: never walk in on Hugh coughing ever again//

-one time I witnessed Hugh eat the honey he sneezed up one time…I really do hope it was honey..

-Hugh and Fiona thought it’d be cute to swap clothes for the day, Hugh put on one her dresses and I have to admit he did look very dapper. He surprised her and did a big twirl for her while doing so he slipped on the long fabric of the dress and tried to mask the fall with a goofy pose and she was in hysterics that tears were coming out her eyes. Though, I had to run out of there like a bat out of hell because I was the only one that noticed that Hugh managed to rip a huge hole in the back and his underwear was in plain view and I almost died.

-Hugh also kisses and says goodnight to every. single. bee. he. owns. He does it EVERY night and he has about 500. YES 500 bloody bees. And every night I hear, “Goodnight Charlie, night Harold, hey, wait your turn Ollie.” Seriously Hugh give it a rest.

-One of his bees passed away the other day and I’ve never seen Hugh so upset. I mean it was a bee, so really, I’ve never seen anyone get that upset over a bee. But he got all dressed up in a tux and he and Fiona held a funeral procession and invited everyone one to come. Hugh made a speech but was just so incomprehensible, Enoch tried to quietly escape but Henry caught him. Olive and Claire were crying too, that’s only because they are so little and had no clue what was happening. Jacob and I were trying really hard not to laugh. Emma looked like she was going to kill us right there. I mean, I love Hugh but he’s so dramatic it’s unBEElievable (Sorry Hugh).

-Before Hugh and Fiona were a thing, they would hang out together alone. Fiona liked Hugh and Hugh liked Fiona. By the end of the night of long talks and other boring stuff. Fiona leaned in and kissed Hugh (it was quite a cute sight). Hugh was so flustered he quickly turned around and walked right into the side of the house, broke his goggles in two and gave himself a nose bleed. I swear he is the clumsiest peculiar I know.

-Hugh also makes sure to wear one article of yellow each day, he has like 20 pairs of yellow knickers and some even have bees on it, the kid is obsessed.

-I looked at Hugh’s tv history and he has watched the Bee Movie a total of 486 times, we have only been in present day for a couple months…

I’d love to see a version of Twilight where Edward is only interested in Bella because he obsesses over not being able to hear her thoughts, because that’s really the only reason we’re given anyway.

I’d love to see the vampires sparkling have more of an impact on the plot than “if we stand in the sun we’re all shiny and stuff”.

I’d love to see Charlie as more of a character, especially using the fact that he’s a cop in the narrative.

I’d love to see Edward’s abusive behaviour called out by the characters.

I’d love to see Bella actually struggle to keep up with her old friends, both from Arizona and in Forks after she becomes a vampire.

I’d love to see Bella give something up that she actually cared about in her transition to glorified mosquito.

I’d love to see some of Tyler’s point of view after his van nearly kills Bella and see how he copes with apparent PTSD - without Bella’s self-absorbed narration filter over it.

I’d love to see ONE conversation between any two characters that didn’t make it sound like everyone hates everyone.

I’d love to see Bella refer to her parents as “Mom” and “Dad” rather than “Renee” and “Charlie”.

I’d love to read the plot without being able to guess what happens next. (IDK you guys, but that dream in the first book was SUPER SUBTLE and I’d have NEVER guessed that Jacob would turn out to be a werewolf when he appeared in it and turned into a wolf!) (Ignoring the fact that Meyer apparently didn’t plan that, so she was either being extremely unoriginal, lying or subconsiously spoiling her future books in the laziest way possible. At least make him into a werespider, an ogre at night, a zombie, a dancing skeleton with a tophat, a leprechaun, or SOMETHING other than that thing that was heavily implied in a FUCKING DREAM SEQUENCE)

I’d love to see Bella actually care about characters that aren’t vampires or Jacob, including herself.

I’d love to see a reason for me to care about Bella, Edward or Jacob as characters.

I’d love to see Bella’s physical appearance described in more detail, and not just by having Bella describe how average and uninteresting she is. (Especially since Meyer apparently didn’t describe Bella much so that the reader could insert herself into the book and then made Bella the worst female role model this side of the 20th century.)

I’d love to see a scene between Bella and Edward that made their relationship adorable, like if they talked about anything that didn’t involve the danger that they were in or how much they ~*~loved~*~ each other on the ~*~astral plane~*~.

I’d love to see the characters show how much they loved the other, rather than just repeating it in dialogue to try to get the reader to believe it.

I’d love to see more indication that Edward is actually over 100 years old, including struggling with electronics, complaining about how easy “Kids these days” have it, and providing his own point of view of historical events. What was he doing when WWII was happening? The Cold War? Did he listen to Elvis? What does he think of comics? What did he do with his life, aside from waiting for ~*~the one~*~?

I’d love to see Bella enjoy Jacob’s company for him, rather than just for providing a distraction from Edward.

I’d love to see what the other vampires do with their powers in their daily lives, and how they’ve lived with these powers for so long that they don’t remember that they shouldn’t morally be doing any of it. (Jasper can control emotions, for god’s sake. Nothing important would be lost if this power - or character - was removed. Did he ever make a girl super horny to get her to sleep with him, or just get some random guy super unbearably angry when he got bored at school just to watch him flip out?)

I’d love to see any of the characters actively working to improve.

I’d love to see any single character’s personality evolve between the first book and the last.

I’d love to see Edward at least attempt to make Bella feel better about herself as a person.

I’d love to see any character respecting another character’s personal space, privacy or free will.

I’d love to see the main plot begin before the halfway point of the book.

I’d love to see Edward turn out to be gay at the end.

I’d love to see ONE person at least comment on how creepy imprinting is.

I’d love to see the influence of Shakespeare, Faulkner, Chaucer or any of the other famous writers who are namedropped in an attempt to sound more well-read in the writing.

I’d love to see a werewolf imprint on someone who ultimately rejects them, especially considering the apparent wife-husbandry involved.

I‘d love to see a werewolf imprint on someone terminally ill or only minutes away from death.

I’d love to see any character not end up in a relationship by the end of the book. Especially the baby.

I’d love to see evidence of imprinting actually being a rare thing, especially considering it happens to at least three characters after it’s introduced.

I’d love to see the Volturi actually hinder the characters at any point.

I’d love to see a description of Edward that told us what he looked like, rather than that he was attractive, because that tells us nothing.

I’d love to see female characters who aren’t bitchy, and male characters who aren’t SUPER HYPER MASCULINE.

I’d love to see an actual conflict at the end of the series.

I’d love to see the Volturi snapping their fingers dramatically as they approached the main characters at the end of book 4.

I’dlove to see Edward actually have to contain himself from eating Bella when they are relaxing on the couch, instead of having it as a threat that might totally happen maybe.

I’d love to see a characteristic of Bella’s that matched up with what people actually said about her. (”intelligent”, “intuitive”, “selfless”, “mature”, “amazingly non-whiney”, “non-violent”, “honest”, “not a manipulative person”, etc)

I’d love to see the plot twist that Edward’s beautiful, glorious, godlike appearance actually turns out to be a product of his vampiric form, and all the times where Bella can’t bring herself to be angry at him, becomes physically weaker at his kiss and skews her priorities so hard that she’d give her life just to keep from seeing him unhappy are actually her falling under his hypnotic influence.

I’d love to see Bella snap out of her trance when she turns into a vampire herself and finds out that she’s been tricked and she can’t go back.

Mostly, I’d love to see any of this done by an author that isn’t Stephenie Meyer.

Twilight actually has some cool ideas, but they’re all executed terribly. No character experiences real loss, character growth, or any conflict that isn’t about romancing the opposite gender. Every character that we are supposed to like gets everything they ever wanted and everything they didn’t know they wanted at the end. I never thought a book with vampires, vampire government, werewolves and sentiend disco balls could be so boring.

The Lost City of Z is an Otherworldly Experience

    There’s a deep irony in a film as gigantic The Lost City of Z being distributed by a company like Amazon.  We live in an era where it is easier than ever to watch new movies without having to go to a theater to pay for a ticket.  Companies like Netflix and Amazon are soon to be releasing critically acclaimed movies like Mudbound and The Big Sick on streaming that will be in contention for next years awards.  

  There’s something worth admiring about this, more people than ever can watch new releases without having to pay lots of money to find small, art house theaters.  Staying at home to watch big films is definitely more convenient.  

  But with this change in the way we view in cinema, I wonder if something is lost?  Since the dawn of filmmaking, the vision has always been creating this otherworldly, interactive experience between the movie and the audience.  There’s magic in the idea of walking into a giant dark room with complete strangers and sharing a work of art together.  Some films don’t deserve to be seen for the first time in any other way.

  If you disagree, I recommend seeing James Gray’s new movie The Lost City of Z.  It’s a film based on the true story of Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam), a British explorer who went searching for the remnants of a missing ancient city in the Amazonian Jungle. He faces scrutiny from his peers for his bold theories, but with the help of his wife (Sienna Miller) and colleague (Robert Pattinson), he goes on three expeditions to find the city until his mysterious disappearance in the jungle with his oldest son (Tom Holland) in 1925.  

   I have no previous experience with James Gray’s filmography, but having seen his latest picture, I am driven to find every movie that this man has made.  The Lost City of Z is a film with a deep understanding of what it is that makes us connect with the movies.

  The film is as if James Gray is taking the best elements of various styles of movies and heightening and then combining them in this film. The Lost City of Z combines the breathtaking majesty of old studio epic, the subtlety of a period drama and the breathtaking thrills of an adventure movie, constantly playing with these three things to produce a movie that feels complete.  

    The Journey Fawcett goes on is larger than life and spans two decades.  We see everything from Fawcett’s first mission into the Amazon to a speculation of what happened to him after he went missing and the result is a movie that is long in pace, 140 minutes to be exact.  

  There’s a confidence, an indulgence to Gray’s work in this film that’s missing from most modern cinema.  The director isn’t afraid to make a movie that basks in the grandiose scale of its story and demands the respect of its audience.  He knows that the story he’s telling is huge and he allows for a flamboyance that never seems overbearing or unearned.       

    Gray successfully pulls off this level of cockiness with the help of cinematographer Darius Khondji and composer Christopher Spelman.  Staying true to its similarities to the movies of an older era, The Lost City of Z is shot on film and boy is it ever. The darkly lit ballrooms, the strange glow of a boat going down a river and the shots of Fawcett walking through the forest with the tribes of the areas he explores, are almost indescribable in their beauty.  It’s as though we are right there with them and we are getting a clear glimpse into this world that no longer exists.  It’s like observing a painting where each images has such richness and texture.

  Film can provide an authenticity, a naked honesty that a lot of digital movies still can’t provide and Gray plays on that here to provide a work of art that’s simultaneously out of this world and ingrained in our world.  The fight between digital and film is one that film is clearly losing, but similarly to the fight between seeing something on a laptop and seeing something in a theater, Gray is making the case for it while he still can.  

  And my god, I haven’t even begun to describe the music.  Khondji’s music leaves such a lasting impression on you after the film has ended. There isn’t a single beat that isn’t meaningful, that doesn’t feel designed to create the ultimate love letter to a forgotten craft paved by artists like Bernard Hermann and Ennio Morricone.  

  Hearing the soundtrack to a movie like The Lost City of Z only makes me resent the laziness put into composing the music for a lot of modern films.  Sometimes you hear the music for a recent biopic or action movie and you would think they only thought about it for ten minutes.  The music in this movie has heart put into it and helps carry the viewer further into this unknown land that we are watching.  

   But to praise the technical elements of this movie for too long feels disrespectful to so much of what this movie is able to accomplish beyond that.  I have highlighted a lot of excellent things in this movie but making a truly great epic is more than just making a film that’s big in scale with flawless technical qualities, it’s about displaying a story that demands the effort.  The Revenant can be as long and pretty look as it wants to be, but that’s a film I still find pretentious and dull because it contains nothing of substance beneath the surface.    

  I remember reviewing Pacific Rim in 2013 and being unimpressed by the lead performance by Charlie Hunnam.  After seeing his performance as Percy Fawcett, I don’t necessarily see him as an amazing actor but I finally understand his appeal.  Within his performance, he conveys the confidence and masculinity featured in old performances from actors like Charlton Heston. But with this role, he’s also allowed to provide an intimacy and a modern tenderness that’s missing from more classically trained actors.  

   This contradiction in Hunnam’s performance, the line between rugged individualism and quiet comforts of life is the battle at the heart of The Lost City of Z.  The movie argues that Percy Fawcett’s continued obsession with going into the Amazonian Jungle and finding his lost city was in part his attempts to escape his place in the world.

  In England, he lives a quiet, ordinary life for a man of his time period.  When he’s home, he’s bound to same rules and restrictions that tied down most people living back then.  He’s forced to fight back against people who look down on him for his social class, he’s forced to fight in a war that he doesn’t want to fight in and he must argue the case for why the tribes living within the Amazonian Jungles are an advanced society to people brainwashed by racist colonialism.

   But his escape is more than just an attempt to ignore the limits of his society, his escape is an attempt to ignore the limits of himself.  Despite being progressive for the time, he has a sexist view of women that allows him to ignore the hopes and dreams of his wife. He chooses not to be there for his family, his children grow up while he’s far away.  He preaches that he’s proud to be an outcast and he doesn’t care about rank or medals, but he’ll gladly receive awards and praise from his colleagues for his work.  Even his treatment of the tribes of the Amazons is questionable.  His biggest secret is that he’s not much better than the people around him.  

  With this, Fawcett’s journey into the vast unknown is his way of going to the limits of his world.  By charting these unknown lands and experiencing these things that have been done by no one like him before, he is trying to avoid the fears that he will become just another person lost to space and time, another person who live, die, and be forgotten within the miniscule amount of time that we are given.  In his missing city, he sees redemption from the flaws of being a human being.  

  Fawcett’s final attempt to find his lost city is perhaps the ending to his story that he always wanted.  Fawcett never dies, he simply vanishes without a trace.  In disappearing, he finally becomes the thing that he has been searching for, transcendence from his reality.  Like the city, he becomes a legend that will never be fully discovered, only leaving bits and pieces behind for others to search for.  

   In writing this review, I realize how smug and hyperbolic my review of this movie is, but I think that fits with the film.  In the spirit of recent works like Hayou Miyazaki’s The Wind Rises or Pablo Larrain’s Jackie, The Lost City of Z is about the defiance of time, both in the story and the storytelling.

    Entertainment is changing and we are seeing a changing of the guard.  In many ways, I choose to accept this.  With the death of old Hollywood comes the death of many of the flaws within it, the lack of diversity, the tyrannical directors, the misunderstanding of low budget films and the discomfort that comes with refusing to give in to easier, modern day techniques.  There’s so much about embracing new forms of entertainment and having new ways to watch entertainment that genuinely excites me and has me looking forward to what the future holds.    

   But, James Gray’s The Lost City of Z plays like the final argument for saving a dying art.  He uses the best elements of classic cinema to show an epic story about what it means to live life to the fullest with no regard for the consequences.  Every shot, every sound, every word is like an artist who’s at the final stage, playing their instruments like they know that it’s all crumbling around them.  This is a film about doing as much as humanly possible with the little that we are provided.

 Five years from now, ten years from now, the world will be different than what it is now.  So, like Fawcett diving into the piranha and disease infested waters of the Amazonian jungle to reach something just within his grasp, take time to find things that are worth exploring in the present while you still can.   

Final Rating: A+                

#31 The Outside Scene (Harry Styles)

Hello! This is a bit different. I’m not quite sure of the response on this. 

Have you ever felt like an outsider in your group of friends, your family who you’ve been with for the past five years? I sat on the bar stool with an untouched drink, tightly held in my hand as I saw the scene play out in front of me.

“Oh man, congratulations!” I heard Jeremy tell him as he shook his hand and then, hugged him. I was here with Jeremy, as a plus one because, I was not quite sure if I was invited, today. This never happened before but, now I was never sure of anything. The invitation came on the group, and that is how he usually called everyone but, he always called or sent a personal message which I didn’t receive. I could just not go, though, he had signed his new film and was free for a week before; it started it’s shooting again in London, and he had some good news to give. An announcement which he wanted everyone to know and I thought that maybe this was the new which would clear all my doubts and give me the reasons. I wasn’t wrong.

Everyone had come around them, congratulating, wishing him all the happiness in the world and best of lucks like, his past didn’t have any. I was a part of this, too but quite invisible now, as someone else held my place. He had his hand wrap around her waist, and he held her close like he wanted her to stick to him. I couldn’t pull my eyes away. Was this the reason? How could it be?

“How are you?” Samantha came and touched my cheek with hers. I didn’t respond, I couldn’t respond. It was like my eyes and body were stuck to him and his hand around hers. How could she be the reason? Samantha shook me, and I looked at her. I knew I had a blank, poker face. It was almost like I couldn’t see her face because it was all so hazy.

“Samantha! Come here!” Matthew called her. She sighed and kissed my cheek before walking away. Could he see me here? Could he feel my eyes on him? Could he understand my need for a reason? Why did he do this to me?

I shifted my eyes to see the bigger scene. I used to be a part of this family. They were my family here. Should I go back to my home? I was sitting here, working in a different land and, I had made him my home here and, I was so easily replaced. I self-pitied myself, I was forgotten. Could no one see I was dying here? What was my fault?

“The glass will break if you hold it like that any longer,” I heard the bartender say that to me. I let the glass go, and shifted my eyes to him. He was cleaning the glass, as he gave me a slight smile. I think he understood my situation. Must have seen it play out a thousand times in front of him.

“You alright?” He asked. I didn’t reply. I turned around again, looking at the circle in front of me. I was on the outside.

No one felt shocked when he announced his new relationship. Even if it had been just four months since his last ended. His last with me, I was the ex now. I had planned my life together. I wanted a child and a family which was all gone now. I was questioning everything in my head; my relationship with him for five years, my relationship with all our friends standing in his happiness in front of me. Would anyone care if I disappear now? I thought No.

Sighing and then, breathing in, I stood up. A bit wobbly, I held the table. I looked up again, as she placed a kiss on his neck. I felt defeated. It was the only feeling I could understand right now. I picked up my wallet and turned around, walking away from the celebration.

“There is a new guy here today, for the position. Should I send him in?” I heard my secretary tell me. I was so knocked out. I had been working my ass off ever since that day. I got some sympathy messages over the next week.

I’m sorry that, it happened. Are you keeping alright?

Hey, how are you? Do you want to hang out? Don’t think too much about it. It happened for a reason.

Are you good? Reply man. I know what happened would seem wrong but, we have to move on right?

I didn’t understand all of this. No one said that it was wrong. That he broke up his five-year relationship with me after giving me no reason but, blaming his work commitments and then, in four months got a new girl. I was with him for five years, did it mean nothing? I didn’t reply to any message.

“Yes, send him in,” I told her.

I had removed all evidence of him from my life. It was hard. It was five years worth of pictures, memories which I didn’t want to have right now.

A knock on the door, “Come in,” I straightened up.

“Hey, good evening,” It was the same guy from the bar. The bartender, “Oh, umm hi, how are you?” He asked, recognising me.

I didn’t respond. His hair was tied in a bun like it was that night. His features were more visible now, in the light. He was very handsome. I’m sure he had girls hanging on to his last words with his vibrant green eyes staring into mine. A sharp jaw, pouty red lips, like he had been biting it and an incredible physique. Only he knew what had happened to me.

“Good evening, sit down,” I told him and opened his portfolio. He understood my answer of not responding to his last question, and he sat down smiling. “So, Harry Styles, you have an incredible CV.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. I could see he was nervous.

“You have a degree from Yale. That is amazing. How was your course?” I asked.

“It was as incredible as it is known to be. I have a degree in Graphic Design and, it has given me the correct exposure required and needed in this field,” He went on to talk about his work. He was quite accomplished and fit with our team and requirements.

“Mr Styles, tell me, you’re age is about a year or two older for this to be your second job. Has there been a reason behind this?” I asked.

“Yes, umm. You see after I graduated college. I had to take a sabbatical for three years before I started my masters. I worked around for a bit but, couldn’t get the correct job which would meet my required time. I have a daughter, she is six now, and I had to raise her myself after a fallout with her mother. That has been my delay.”

“But, you work as a bartender?” I asked, having seen him.

“Oh yes, I worked there after my graduation. We know the manager so, we lived as staff for three years until I got a scholarship to study at Yale and, after my masters in Design, I worked at another firm but, I felt it quite restricting. But, your company offers the right space for creative freedom so, when I heard there was an opening, I quit and prepared for this interview. I have a portfolio with my hard copies and others if you would like to have a look?” He picked up his file, and I took it.

“This is really good, Harry. Your work is very impressive.”

“Thank you. It means a lot,” He nodded.

“So, Harry you do fit our profile. You add a lot to it, and I have seen your work, and it would be lovely if you would like to join us,” I told him.

“Yes!” His face lit up. “I mean, yes that will be fantastic.

“When can you start?” I asked.

“When would you like me to start?” He asked.

“Next week? Since you’ll have to shift your house, I feel a week in needed. We have a position free to head the department as our last head is moving to Austria with his wife. He was an incredible guy so, you have a little pressure. I can start you with 45K a month for now. Your experience is a bit less for being the head but, your work should make up for it.”

“Thank you so much!” I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“You deserve it. Our company offers an apartment to all our heads and subheads so, we could show you the choice you have. You have two actually, and one has a beautiful view. And we can discuss your contract?” I asked, and he nodded, thanking me again.

It made me feel happy. After all the struggle he had gone through, it would all be worth it, now for him.

Harry ended up choosing the apartment right in front of me. People told me it was an amazing opportunity with two single people living next to each other but, I shook it off. I was the owner and the CEO and, had too many things to handle as it is. The company was finally doing well, and was now escalating and, I felt at least one part of my life a bit sorted. If “sorted” meant new tensions every day but, otherwise, I loved my job. We started out as nothing and look at us now.

Harry’s daughter was adorable. And, incredibly well-mannered, too. She told me all about her new school and friends once when she saw me eating alone in the cafeteria, forcing Harry to join us. He fitted well with the people.  As the head of design, our company was now wanted in the limelight, and business was good. I could tell that because our investors were very happy.

As for me, I was making new friends now. From work and they were lovely. I had my life separated from my ex and,  I finally felt as if I existed. Harry was also, a part of this new friend list. He was always catching my attention. He was lovely with his team, always funny and keeping them involved while he was incredible with his daughter. She adored him; she told me she adored him. I was getting a little more attached to her, too. Always frolicking around, she was quite inclusive in her approach. Calling me when they had their baking day together. Or calling me to watch Finding Dory with them, I felt I was a part of something but, still from the outside.

I visited my family often, but I was always the last for them. It happened, I was the middle child, and with such exciting lives of my sister as the winner of ever book prize in the last two years with her new series and my brother’s new fiancé, they forgot me. It was this reason why I shifted, too and started my business here. My problems or happiness were always sidelined, or it was what I felt.

But, Harry’s daughter, Charlie made me feel quite wanted. It was worth her ringing my doorbell at 6 AM because her dad couldn’t make her hair look pretty for the dance. Or being invited to the dance with him was the best. I didn’t know where I stood with Harry but, Charlie filled a void in my heart.

Like today, I specially bought some Finding Dory cookies, knowing she loved them. I rang the bell and, Harry opened the door. “Hey! I bought some cookies for Charlie, is she here?” I asked, peeking inside.

“Hey no, she has a sleepover at her friend’s house. Should I hold on to them and give it when she comes?” He asked.

“Yeah, they’re chocolate so, keep them outside in a jar,” I gave it to him and turned around to walk to my door.

“Hey, umm, are you doing something tonight?” He asked, making me stop in my tracks.

“Nope,” I shook my head.

“I have this carton of wine from my friend and absolutely no company, join me?” he asked.

I giggled and nodded my head, walking into his apartment.

“I have no idea?”  I giggled as we sat on the couch, drunk on three bottles of wine. We had talked about everything except our personal lives and this question in my head wanted to get out.

Harry in his shorts, looking incredibly hot, poured another glass for both of us, and I asked him, “tell me about Charlie’s mother.”

“Charlie’s mother?” he rubbed his face. “What would you like to know?”

“Everything?” I asked.

“Umm,” he leant back. “We were dating for a like a year in college, and, one night’s overconfidence got her pregnant. I don’t regret it now. Charlie is my everything. My family loves the kid and,  I love her to death. But, her mother was not like this. She left in a month after giving birth. Wanting something different from her life, not wanting it with me? I just wish Charlie had a mother, though. Even I don’t deserve her partner,” he took a sip of his drink.

“Does Charlie know?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, she met her. Didn’t like her, or that’s what she says. But Emelia doesn’t want anything to do with her. She has made that quite clear. Even signed a document saying that ” He huffed.

“Where is she? Do you  know?”

“Yeah, she is on her honeymoon right now. Got married to some billionaire, somewhere,” he sighed.

“Do you love her?”

“I never loved her. I loved her when she was carrying my child but, I always felt that we were together because of peer pressure. I just wish Charlie had her mother.” He laughed but, his face fell. “Your turn! Explain what I saw that night in the bar.”

“Wasn’t it quite clear?” I sighed, rubbing my feet. “We knew each other since college, were together for almost five years? He is an actor, you know that? So, when he signed his movie with a new banner and right when I thought he’ll propose cause he was finally stable, he broke up with me. Gave me random reasons of concentrating, distraction and four months into it, he got a new love.” I told him.

“Do you still love him?” He asked.

“No,” I replied. It was one thing I was sure of, “For a long time, I wanted a reason for him leaving me like that, I didn’t have a conclusion but, now I just don’t care.”

He nodded, I guess, he understood in some way. “It hurts?” he asked, shifting towards me, that his legs touched mine. He stared into my eyes, as I felt his warmth on the couch. My body felt so needy for touch all of a sudden.

“You are so beautiful,” I spoke before, I could think. “I’m sorry, I’m so drunk,” He giggled. “It hurts now and then. I always wanted a family but, I always end up being on the outside of everything.”

“Outside?” He frowned and touched my cheek.

“On the outside like I was in the bar. Looking in, in all the happiness. Like I was in my family, always waiting for someone to hear me out but, I still think, they don’t even know I felt like that,” His hand shifted down my neck, as I felt each of his fingers. His eyes were on my lips, and then, they travelled down. “On the outside, as I am with you and Charlie.”

“You’re not on this outside with us,” he said, meeting my eyes.

“Am I not? I’m not family and, I’m not her sitter. I’m not yours, nor I am hers, I’m just there…” I went on but, he stopped my thought process when I felt his lips on mine. They were so soft and yet, so strong against mine. He took me by surprise but, I would have lied if I had not been thinking about this for a long time.

“I’ve wanted to do this for such a long time,” He repeated my thoughts, against my lips only, they were his. He kept his lips strongly attached to mine as he held my waist and pulled me to sit in his lap. I moaned into his mouth as I felt his tongue trespassing my lips and, I being unable to stop him. I was his boss but, I wanted this so bad. I moaned his name, as he hands tightened around my hips, as I pushed myself more in his hands.  

“You taste so good,” He moaned, as I felt my entire body heat up with just one kiss. We didn’t have any intention of stopping as we kept our lips firmly attached to each other into the night.

I woke up next morning, on a couch. Sunlight from the wall windows was lighting up the entire lobby as I turned on my back, looking for the person who I was with last night. It felt weird waking up on his couch. My friends told me if he doesn’t put you on the bed, leave. And, when had they ever been wrong. All the bottles were cleared from the table, and everything was kept in its place. Only I didn’t fit. I called for Harry once, around the house but, he was nowhere to be found and so, wasn’t any note.

I felt cheap. What was I thinking?  He was a father, and I was just his boss. We were both needy, and it was just a kiss. But, was it? My head hurt from the wine consumed last night and, I hated feeling like this. I fixed his couch, wrote ‘thanks for last night’ on a note and shut the door behind me, as I felt a tear slip from my eyes.


What do you think about this one?




Frankly, it was too cute of a request to pass up. 


Hello love! I love your blog your probably the only one on tumblr that will write for my baby Chilton. That being said can I request an imagine where Chilton adopts a a small girl ( about 4-5) so he won’t be so lonely anymore and he takes into work and she just makes friends with everyone like the janitors the other doctors secretaries even some of the patients and she just raves on and on about how she has the best daddy in the world and manages to make Chilton a few friends at the office.

He hadn’t told anyone. Not his secretary, not his colleagues, not any of his almost-friends in the FBI. No one. She was his little secret, his little ray of sunshine. The only thing that got him out of bed most days and definitely the only thing that could make him smile anymore.

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You’re All I Need

Pairing: Dean x Reader
Prompt: Dean is a single dad, and his daughter, Charlie, wants to join the soccer team; he meets Y/N who’s daughter, Hael, and Charlie, become the best of friends.
Tags: AU: Domesticity, Domestic!Dean, Dad!Dean
Words: 1401
Note: Let me know what you think..? :))

Also, I’d say Charlie and Hael are about 6-ish

Originally posted by jensenreactss

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Yay more Omegaverse (Which btw I didn’t know you all would like it that much damn)

I’m gonna stray from the canon JUST SLIGHTLY because I refuse to believe that Charlie was a complete dick and after getting kicked out of Kingsman he just went immediately along with Valentine’s insanity I refuse to believe it it didn’t happen nope so if you don’t want to read about Charlie/Eggsy/Roxy friendship with additional Merlin being pissed off just skip this next paragraph and go on to the next one

So, we left off towards the beginning of training with Eggsy, Roxy, and Charlie getting reprimanded cause they were laughing and cheering on Alphas while they fought over Eggsy and subsequently got kicked out. Merlin was glad that, though it caused some tensions, Charlie didn’t get along with Eggsy and Roxy since he knew them being friends would only cause trouble but after that point they started growing closer and everything kind of went to hell for him. They went from him going “No leave each other alone” to “No put that down- Charlie don’t defend Eg- Roxy don’t defend either of- For God’s sake will you just put the fucking pen down I swear you’re why my hair disappeared- yes I fucking know I was bald when I met you it went away in preparation for the stress you give me so I wouldn’t rip it all out.” So, at the distress of literally everyone else, the three become fast friends (Once Charlie gets over that damn superiority complex) and quickly shift into helping each other rather than hindering each other like everyone else was doing. All three of them had skills that could help each other, why not share?

As for Merlin and Harry, they’re utterly floored. Here’s this boy, the only Omega that was put up, coming out as the top in nearly all of his tests, who’s effectively gotten two other recruits kicked out by doing nothing more than batting his eyes at both of them and letting chaos ensue, this boy is one of a kind and they want him for their own, they want him so badly, but they believe that there is zero chance for them to ever have him. Naively, they think that his growing relationship with Roxy and Charlie is the beginnings of him creating his pack, Roxy being his Alpha and Charlie being an honorary member since he’s a Beta. The fact that Eggsy instantly goes to Roxy whenever he has one of his night terrors (Which are quite frequent, poor thing has had a hell of a life) and Merlin sees it every time since he keeps watch over them to make sure no one plays any dirty tricks (And because Eggsy looks so cute when he snores sometimes and when he squirms around in bed and ends up snuggling up with his pillow because he always sleeps better when he’s cuddled up with something but he’d never in a million years admit that to anyone) and each time it happens his heart gives a little clench because this perfect Omega is someone elses. But oh how they’re wrong.

One day, for some random test the recruits have to go through, both of them get to find out very pleasantly that they were wrong when they go to the dorms to tell the recruits about their next assignment (Harry’s there because in all of the years that they’d done this test he was the one person that completely aced it) and they come in to see the three troublemakers sat on Eggsy’s bed and Eggsy’s grinning at Roxy because “I hope the bird you choose don’t get jealous over me, Rox, I am the perfect Omega” and Charlie laughs and rolls his eyes and Roxy laughs and tries to push him off the bed and then Harry is clearing his throat and all three of them are wide-eyed and blushing and Merlin very politely asks “Women, Roxy?” and she nods shyly and it takes all of their self restraint to hold back from cheering because /Roxy isn’t going to be his Alpha there’s still a chance for us/ but instead of doing that Harry nods and says “Don’t worry, you won’t receive and prejudice against such a thing here. Half of the staff would be gone if there was” and she relaxes and smiles and Eggsy raises an eyebrow but that’s the end of the conversation and Merlin is frustrated again because Eggsy Unwin if you pickpocket me one more time- CHARLIE FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THAT BACK BEFORE I FUCKING MAKE YOU RUN AROUND THE TRACK UNTIL YOU PASS OUT. And it’s good like that for a while.

Then Harry goes into the coma.

Every single day Eggsy goes to visit him, needing to see him and watch him and make sure no changes happen without him there  (For better or worse). It gets to the point where Roxy and Charlie will come and get him (“Eggsy we have a test” “Eggsy it’s lunchtime” “ Eggsy it’s time to go to bed”) and more often than not it ends with Charlie having to carry Eggsy back to the rooms because he fell asleep in the chair he pulls up beside Harry’s bed. 

One time, when the recruits were being given a while to rest and heal after their latest test (Charlie had a bullet hole in his side, Roxy sprained her ankle badly, Eggsy had dozens of bruises and scrapes and cuts and every single muscle in his body was more sore than he’d ever experienced before), it was Merlin’s turn to check up on him. Briefly he’d gone in to check on the worst injuries and he’d noticed that Eggsy wasn’t anywhere in the room but he knew that he was too injured to do anything strenuous so he went to the logical place where he would be: Harry’s room. When he gets there he sees that Eggsy is asleep in his chair, posture stiff because of his sore muscles and his cuts and bruises and Merlin sighs and rubs a hand gently across the back of his neck before kneeling down beside him and carefully waking him up. Eggsy startles when he does and panics slightly when he sees Merlin (“Is he alright? Is something wrong? He’s still stable, yeah?”) and Merlin calmly assures him that Harry is fine and stable before gently reprimanding him for not resting like he should be. For a few minutes Eggsy’s fine and listens to Merlin and agrees with him but then exhaustion and physical pain and emotional hurt sneaks up on him and all of a sudden he’s crying in Merlin’s arms. Merlin worries for a moment since he’s never been in this situation before but quickly his instincts take over and in the next second Merlin is sitting in the chair with Eggsy curled up in his lap and he’s rocking him and holding him close and kissing his head tenderly and shushing him and it takes a while but eventually Eggsy’s just sniffling and curled up with his head buried in Merlin’s neck, practically drinking in the scent of safecalmAlphaprotectedhappy that Merlin is giving off and one hand is loosely clutching his jumper and he’s more content and happy and in love at that moment that he just gently presses a little kiss to Merlin’s jaw and they stay that way for hours before Eggsy falls back asleep (This time from being so comfortable and warm and happy and safe) and Merlin carries him back to his room. All of the other recruits are asleep and Merlin lays Eggsy down on his bed but when Merlin starts pulling away Eggsy starts whining and squirming and Merlin sighs and pulls off his jumper and carefully places it close to Eggsy and instantly he’s soothed by the soft fabric and the strong Alpha scent and he falls deep asleep clutching the jumper close to him. Merlin smiles and kisses his forehead before he leaves him to rest.

No one says anything about the new jumper Eggsy has or the fact that he uses it to calm himself down late at night or how he sleeps better when he holds it close or how it gets switched out every few days. They all know it’s safer to leave the situation be.

Again, I’m gonna continue this through the end of the movie (And a little bit beyond I have ideas guys lots of ideas)