that quote gives me so much life

  • Me: I need to stop obsessing towards my faves and everything they do.
  • Them: *breathe*
  • Me: *inhales* you are the cutest thing i love you so much and i would die for you and keep you safe and give you lots of hugs and lots of kisses and make you breakfast in the morning and i'd make sure you were always happy and make you smile and laugh *exhales*
I wish for someone to see the true me. Not the rumors, not my depiction and certainly not just as far as the eyes can see. The truth is hidden behind the pain, the complicated mind and the struggle of daily living. There is so much love to give, yet no one is standing up for the challenge.
—  anthonydefaz 
Don’t believe anything he says until he gives you a reason to. Don’t get attached to someone who might not even be real. You like me so much? You want to see me again? Prove it. Words are worthless, anyone can say anything. It doesn’t mean they mean it or that they’re going to do what they say they will or that they’ll even remember saying it the next day. You’re worth proof, you’re worth actions.
If I ever decide to give up on you, understand how much that took out of me. I’m the type to give endless chances, always have your back even when you are wrong, and truly accept you for who you are. When the rest of the world doesn’t want you, I will. So if I gave up on you, understand it took everything I had left inside of me to leave you…because if I love you, and care about you, there isn’t anything on the planet I wouldn’t do for you.
I know now that I love you more than anything. That the moment I should think about how I would survive, the only thing I could think about was you. And if I would meet you again. And I am so afraid of loosing you and never seeing you again. And I know it’s difficult for us now and no one of us knows if we will ever have a chance but what I want most right now, what I wish from the bottom of my heart is to have a chance to tell you how I feel, how much I love you and how wonderful person you are.
God, I miss you, I miss you so so much. I don’t wanna lose you. But only a miracle can save our love right now. Only a miracle.
—  moonstone-girl
When you need to rest, rest. There are no ifs and no buts about needing time out, you are only capable of so much. Do not ever let a grade, a job, a person or somebody else’s ideal stop you from taking the time you need and deserve. When it is time to work, you will work but when it is time to step back, do not even hesitate.
— 

Please give yourself time by Amy Kennedy

26/04/17

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Fic Recs

Disclaimer: this is not ranked because all of these fics equally hold a large amount of place in my heart.

1.) fixated on one star  by alivingfire
* THIS IS ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE!!! It’s because it’s in space and because there is this forbidden love thing going on. I absolutely love the names here and the quotes. You’ll love it, I swear (plus there is side ziall and it gives me life)


2.) these bountiful silences  by tommoandbambi
* This fic fucked me up for days and it hurts me in so much ways possible. It’s dystopian so if you don’t like that, I suggest you still read it because IT’S GREAT but WARNING: you should emotionally and mentally prepare before reading this. This is still so incredibly amazing and i really, really want you to read it ( also has side ziall)


3.) elysian  by wonderlou
* THIS IS GREAT GREAT GREAT and it gives so much more depth into the normal beauty and the beast story and it also gives me life. Everything here is perfect and yall should read it.

4.) we’re afire love  by rosemeetsdagger
* This also amazing and so very fluffy. It’ll make you cry of joyful, gay tears. Plus the smut here is great! This is the H-E- double hockey sticks fic that completed me.


5.) escapade  by dolce_piccante
* i cant eloquently word out how i feel about this fic but this filled every void that is in me. The fluff was amazing! The smut was wonderful and I might have read it more than once. I might also have made fanart based on this. (Hipster ziall that also gave me life)


6.) orange canvas  by aclosetlarryshipper
* This is so fluffyyyy and greaaat! Liam, Niall, and Zayn are the best friends you wished you have and its in Mexico. What could possibly go wrong?


7.) another hazy may  by deLILAh
* THIS BROKE ME AND MADE ME AT THE SAME TIME. Because first, soldier!harry HELLO? THIS IS SO FLUFFY I TELL YOU .


8.) til i tasted you by kiwikero
* This is also very cute and fluffy and I relate to Louis so much on the obsession level and the cooking skills (or lack of) the ending is cute it made me blush augh. I love it.


9.) like a boomerang  by youwill
* The plot here is so complex and it lowkey ruined me but in the greatest possible way. You can never have too much larry. This so good I swear.


10.) touch me with your alien dick  by tvfeels
* the title is self explanatory. It does have fluff too underneath the smutty facade of the title I promise.


11.) A gold and green halloween by Tita
* one, harry potter. Two, draco malfoy. Three, halloween. Four, Larry as drarry. Need i say more?


12.) forelsket  by kosmicgirl
* THIS IS SO CUTE AND GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND I AM ZAYN ON SO MUCH LEVELS SO U SHOULD READ IT TOO HAHA


13.) torn on the platform  by Conscious_ramblings
* I need a Louis to my Harry and this made me want one so baaad. I wish I could meet someone in the train like this and I hope you do too so this is for you.


14.) flowers in your hair  by Ghostie09
* again, zayn, niall, and liam are the besties you wished you have, harry owns a bat and its wonderful and beautiful.


15.) chances over the purple sunrise by loupancake
* this made me believe in mermaids, believe it or not. So if you think that mermaids don’t exist, this i think will change your mind.


16.) orange you glad i stole your heart by nauticalleads (metamorphosis)
* HARRY IS A PUNNY PIECE OF SHIT AND LOUIS LOVES HIM FOR THAT


17.) Faking it  by TheCellarDoor
* THE FLUFF! THE SMUT! DO I NEED TO SAY MORE BC ITS TOO MUCH


18.) i’ll blend up that rainbow above you  DamnGay4Louis
* i want to be Louis’ child. This is too cute. Imagine larry’s cuteness. Now add a smol and adorable toddler. Exactly.


19.) Oh Glory  by alivingfire
* THIS IS AMAZING AND SO FLUFFY AND FLUFFY AND FLUFFY. Is louis that flexible?


20.) Give me truths by iwillpaintasongforlou
* I really need a Louis in my life and this makes me more desperate to find a Louis. It’s so cute and overloaded with fluff and it hurt me and completed me and it made me gayer than a rainbow

21.) One To Make Your Heart Remember Me  by larrysrainbow (yours truly)

* Hello friends! I am shamelessly promoting my new fic haha. I hope you love it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

i don’t love you. i know i don’t. but i could. i could love you so well if you give me the chance. i care about you more than you care about me. i know that to be true. i want to make you happy. i want to give you the love you deserve. but it hurts because i can’t. i can’t love you. i can’t make you happy. i can’t do anything but wait and hope that you will one day look at me as more than a friend. it hurts knowing where i am with my feelings when you don’t know where you are with yours. it hurts when you kiss me because i want nothing more than to be yours and to give you everything you deserve. but i’m not yours. i can’t give you everything. not now at least. maybe not ever. and it hurts. so much.
—  but it’s my fault, i shouldn’t have fallen so easily (l.d.e)
Love Conquers All (On Sherlock Season 4)

I’m currently re-watching Season 4, simply just to indulge myself, and mainly because I personally loved it. I thought I was done expressing everything I have to say about the matter in this post, but there has been an unending sh*t-storm still looming over S4 that has gone beyond what I had expected. Not to mention that things I’ve seen on Twitter earlier regarding the so-called Norbury movement.

I am not dismissing the fact that this season had its flaws, but there’s a significant meaning to it all that some people are dismissing because they’ve been blinded by their own illusions that I would want to highlight. For someone who had cried over and mulled over these episodes more than the past 3 seasons, this season gave my love for existentialism a baseline that tugged at the heart – the very reason why I wanted to talk about it.

Originally posted by esterlocked

Just a brief explanation, existentialism is the belief that life has no meaning in general. To quote Moriarty, “Staying alive… So boring, isn’t it? It’s just… staying.” However, what I like about it is the idea that society or any other factor is not responsible for giving life it’s meaning – it is solely up to the individual to discover it on their own.

With that said, I think this is why this season resonated with me so much, and I find the chaos in some parts of the fandom frustrating, especially to the point that the writers are being attacked for this. So as usual, I have to say something about it. Because instead of writing articles for work, I’m thinking about Sherlock.

Anyway, I’m just gonna go ahead with my point.


The Six Thatchers : Horrors Of The Past

This may be my least favourite among the three, but the message of this episode is clearly simple: we all have horrors that will come and haunt us in the future – and how we face it all comes down to the path we choose. 

We live hundreds, and even thousands of roles throughout our lives. And we all have our past; things that we regret, hate, cringe at, miss, still believe in, etc. But whatever that past might be, what I got from TST is that you can never run from your past as it catches up to you, but it is one facet of your life does not completely define you.

Originally posted by akajustmerry

Death has been played with through the past seasons that it seemed all too mundane to us now, in terms of the context of the show. But S4 is here to correct this notion in Mary’s persona. With Mary saying that Mary Watson was the only life worth living, it showed that we get to choose which part of our lives we live out the most.

Same with John and his ‘cheating’. To be fair, I’m pissed at the fact that this was completely out of character. But when the series culminated, I understood why they have to do it. We saw what we wanted to see in these characters as they were presented to us – John was supposedly honourable, kind, and courageous, but what is this? Who is this new John? 

This is where I head to my next point. 


The Lying Detective : Being Alive And Human

This episode made me cry buckets, to be honest. And it is because this is all about changing what you know about these characters and seeing them all in a different light. 

Here we see a Sherlock not led by the mind but the heart, a John who was weak against temptation, a cheater, someone who looked jealous from having the spotlight all on the detective – it showed that no one is ultimately good and that someone’s facade is not who they entirely are. It shows that everyone has their ups and downs because that’s what humanity is about. It illustrated that everyone was capable of being angry, desperate, conceited, weak, lonely, alone, etc. It highlighted how these characters are broken – especially Sherlock – and how redemption can mean so much more to a person. 

We all have our flaws, our downfalls, our agonies; but who are we really, at our most vulnerable? And who are the people willing to believe in us even if we’ve shown them our true, and sometimes, faded colours?

Originally posted by halloawhatisthis

“Taking your own life. Interesting expression, taking it from who? Once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it. Your own death is something that happens to everyone else. Your life is not your own, keep your hands off it.”

This is a plea. That shutting down and ending your life is and should never be the answer. This is one of the most beautiful pieces of dialogue I have ever heard, and it’s a very upfront message about warranting a value on your own life. And for people to threaten the writers of the show that they are the ones who caused the lives that are put in the line or the self-harm that will happen due to their distaste for TFP is devastating to me.

And yes, there have been people tweeting Mark and BBC that they are and will be responsible for these lives, which is just unfair.


The Final Problem : On Love And Redemption

I’ve seen people questioning why Benedict said ‘love conquers all’ in one interview before the season aired. There has also been statements that this season will be ‘groundbreaking’, which others failed to see why, leading to the claims that the showrunners are queerbaiting.

Now, every single show, every single actor, not just in Sherlock, but basically everywhere, is being put in the microscope because they need to identify with something, and that they need to represent a cause — which I get! I advocate for this! But, just when the world is being careful about mixing up their characters or when they are inserting a gay character just because now, society is demanding them to, Sherlock had already presented that years before (note that some TV shows only became more open to having gay characters around late 2014, early 2015-ish onwards because people are becoming more vocal about it as inspired by those bold enough to make a first move, e.g. Glee). 

Here, we have an openly gay character (which is still another topic of debate but I stand by it when I say Irene used the term gay loosely), had openly gay actors play brilliant and unstereotypical roles, and for God’s sake, Mark Gatiss is a gay man who is behind this brilliant show, and  that’s the very reason they passed it off as normal. They didn’t do it in a way that we always have to be reminded that the character is gay, that there has to be a sex scene just to prove that they’re gay… it’s just there – again, as one facet of the characters. Sex, as something that has been explicitly expressed in the show, isn’t the only thing that defines a character or their relationships with someone else, and I appreciated that. They had a story to tell – the story of these characters as a whole and not just one side of them. 

And personally, I did see why they made their claims as indicated by my chosen title. When this season ended, Sherlock who claimed to have never been attuned to his emotions, had his eyes open and had embraced that he was also human, flawed, and is capable to love IN ALL FORMS. 

Originally posted by fangirlhani

He learned to value his life because of what happened to Mary, he had admitted that he also succumbs to his impulses with Irene Adler (texting or beyond that, depends on what you want to believe), he fully realised that he would never ever want to hurt and make Molly feel like she’s being used by him because she’s his friend, he was able to extend a more human side of himself to John more than he did before, he finally understood and accepted Mycroft’s intentions and actions which I think mended their relationship significantly (this one hits me to the core so much), and lastly, he discovered that if he was left in the air in isolation, he might have ended up like Eurus, which is why he never wanted to make her feel alone again. 

To me, it is groundbreaking because it left that cliche of someone running off into the sunset in the end and it’s all butterflies and rainbows. They wrapped it up with the characters still broken, but living through it day by day because someone chose to love, accept, and help them heal despite their flaws. 

It is what it is, they keep on saying, because that’s how life is. It can be unbearable and it can most certainly be shit, but in the end, whether you ship Johnlock, Adlock, Sherlolly, Sheriarty, Mollstrade, Mystrade, etc., if we all let love – self-love, romantic love, familial love, platonic love – all kinds of love in our lives, it will help us conquer all, within and beyond this show. 

I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them and why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life that you didn’t think you’d live through. Tell me about what the word ‘home’ means to you and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name just by the way you describe your bedroom you had when you were 8. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or dance in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to give your snowman arms? Or would you leave your snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice that the tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind. Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel. See I want to know more than what you do for a living. I want to know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other peoples wounds. I want to know about you.
You RUINED me!“ Her voice came off shrill, screaming at him.

"How?” He asked, calmly.

But that was it. She started breaking down. “Because I loved you so much. I love you so much and at every chance you had, you just hurt me.”

“It was easy,” he said. “You kept coming back. You kept giving me second chances over and over again.”

She gritted her teeth. “I hate you.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “No. That’s the thing. You’ll never hate me no matter how hard you try.”

—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #176