that pun was on point

ok you know that ‘make the princess laugh and you can have her hand in marriage’ thing?

imagine so many come in.

they try, so hard, to make her laugh.

she just sits there, morose, ignoring every man who tries to coax a smile.

one day she’s sitting on the balcony. she just looks so sad.

of course that little thief tries to make her smile.

a girl who goes through the (semi public) royal gardens every day to pick flowers, even though technically only the royal family is allowed to do that. 

she sees the princess while she’s picking them up to sell on the streets, and she’s just… so sad. this princess needs someone to cheer her up.

and she tries. she’ll do silly dances when she comes in, she’ll bring up frogs from ponds and act out comedies, she’ll make flower crowns and exaggerate just how hard it is.

the first few days, the princess doesn’t even look at her.

then she starts noticing. this girl, trying so hard to cheer her up. she probably hasn’t even heard of the hand in marriage thing, she doesn’t know she’s trying so hard for nothing.

but she does it anyway.

one day, the princess starts talking to her as she does these things. “You do know that it’s useless?”

“What?” the thief says. “No way! I’m going to get you to laugh!”

“The best jesters in the kingdom have tried, don’t bother,” the princess declared pessimistically, staring down at the girl.

Then the thief puffs out her chest, “Of course I am! I’ll find the best jokes, even better than the jesters have found! I’ll… fight a fire breathing dog for them!”

There’s no laugh, but the corner of the princess’s mouth twitches. it’s sad how she thinks she can make me laugh…

the girl keeps trying, for years, making more silly stories and trading flowers for jokes rather than food or money. the princess slowly realizes the girl is getting closer and closer, asking her for responses in knock knock jokes and encouraging her to speak when she wouldn’t respond immediately.

the princess eventually had the girl hanging from her balcony, holding on tight to the rail and feet wedged between the columns, grinning and telling yet another iteration of that already old chicken joke.

the princess has been smiling, slightly, but she mostly just looks unresponsive. the girl is happy, it’s better than looking so sad, like she had been years before.

the girl moves on to puns, pointing at the exotic lunch the princess was eating. “Why do the melons have to go to get married? They cantaloupe!”

“You only know that word because of me,” the princess snarks, but there’s a small smile there, a bit of happiness. This little flower girl, this thief has grown into an amazing friend, a wonderful person who genuinely just wants to help. she doesn’t know of the deal, only nobles and jesters could know, not the commonfolk.

“Well, it makes quite the pun,” the girl says, proud of her joke. a smile! what an accomplishment!

“Say…” she continued, “What would you call a princess who got swept up in conversation a thief?” she pulled a flower out of her pocket, waving it in front of the princess’s face. the princess’s eyes crossed to see the flower before they rolled at the obvious setup.

though, it was interesting that it obviously involved them.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, sighing in preparation for another horrible pun. “What?”

the girl grinned. “A pretty theft!” she exclaimed, ticking the flower against the princess’s nose.

the princess froze for a moment, stunned. she had been complimented a million times over, called graceful by etiquette instructors, been called beautiful by many a suitor, been called wonderful by her mother before… she stopped thinking about that. 

she had never been called pretty.

she burst into laughter at the commonplace compliment, as if she was some sort of milkmaid who had somehow grown up to be good looking! it was ridiculous, the notion, yet somehow it had her blushing all the same.

then she suddenly stopped, realizing what she’d done.

the flower thief was staring at her in amazement, a blush of her own speckling her cheeks. her flower tilted out from in front of the princess’s nose, as if it had it’s own amazement.

“Wow…” the girl breathed. she’d never heard something so beautiful in her life.

The princess was silent, knowing what she had just done. She had just laughed for the first time in years.

The girl may not have been aware of the arrangement, but she was quickly swept up in it. A maid had heard the laughter and burst in, to find the thief and the princess, caught up in each other’s eyes, reveling in what had just happened.

The wedding was beautiful, a flower filled affair, a wonderful nod to how it happened. The king was so happy to see his daughter with someone who made her smile for once, tearing up as they were wed.

The princess’s laugh was still incredibly rare. She still had a hard time smiling. But a well timed joke from the girl– no, her wife– and another flower that had a hidden meaning behind it, than maybe, maybe you would hear it.

After all, the princess had finally laughed with the one she loved.

  • Lily: All men are dogs.
  • Remus: *staring at Sirius* Some more than others.
  • Sirius: Do wolves count as dogs?
  • Peter: I'm not a dog.
  • James: No, I see you more as a rat.
  • Lily: I don't know where this conversation has gone.

what if there were aliens that looked exactly like humans except their ears and nose and fingers were an abnormal color. 

like, there’s some alien who is all tinted in blue, and you are like, “what are you?” 

and the alien is like, “I’m a human.” 

and then you’re like, “no you’re not.” 

but then you notice the way that they pronounced it. the way that they put the emphasis in a different place. they’re not a human, but a hue-man

Achievement Unlocked!

Thrown out of a D&D game during the “Character Concept” phase!


So one of the guys in the group wants to run a “Nordic” campaign. You know, Grunty Northmen, furry shorts, everyone has a level in barbarian, etc.  These *can* be fun, but this is also a GM that Takes Himself Way Too Seriously, and really ought to be playing Vampire The Masquerade or something, but that’s Not Macho Enough.  Whatever.

We pitch character concepts to the GM to make sure they’re OK/party balance reasons.  Kyle, GM’s dramabro buddy, goes first.

PC Kyle: So I wanna play a Human Paladin Of Odin, a great explorer who made it to many exotic lands so he has twin scimitars and Knows about gunpowder.  his name is Halfdan, after the graffiti in the Haiga Sophia.

(that sound you heard was every former RA Salvatore fan cringing)

GM: I like it! Anyone else have an Idea?

Me, An Asshole: I wanna be a Goliath Barbarian with a belt of “enlarge person” named “Fulldan”

*six people chime in with various levels of distress over the pun.”

PCJenna: Aw, I wanted to be the barbarian!

Me, Still an asshole: Sure!  That was a joke. I’d really rather play a rouge.  I like  the stabby-hidey halfling build.

GM: Ok that’s great, this is as SERIOUS campaign, so no joke characters.

Me: His name is Quarterdan.

GM: OUT

The way Patton reacts to Logan making puns is weird

You’d expect him to be bouncing and excited, but it seems almost like he’s mocking Lo

“All those puns Logan? Berry clever of you! I love it.” 

The “I love it” seemed monotone, and just everything about this is off. Like he’s upset or surprised about the situation. He’s not really complimenting Logan’s puns, he questioning it and pointing out that’s its unusual.

Maybe he’s hurt that Logan always makes fun of him for making puns, but its fine when he makes them himself.

Maybe he’s upset that he gets ridiculed for making puns, but Logan gets rewarded for doing the same thing

10

Edmund’s Sharpest Weapon Wasn’t His Sword

Edmund’s lethal weapon was his tongue.  In one little exchange, he thoroughly slays Miraz with words…  Edmund first asserts his position, then humbly acknowledges Peter’s position (simultaneously making a pun about his own title “just king”), next points out Miraz’s underestimation with a witty ironic remark, and finishes with a scathing roast on Miraz’s bravery.

He effortlessly makes a fool out of Miraz, all with a twinkle in his eye and a playful grin.  I can imagine Edmund meeting with many diplomats in Narnia and those who would try to take advantage of the land he would destroy with his level 100 sarcasm hidden behind that mischievous smile.  

Yep, Edmund’s tongue was deadlier than his sword.

  • Inojin: Sarada?
  • Sarada: Yeah?
  • Inojin: Do you think the Uchihas have fire as their speciality... because they're so hot?
  • Sarada: (blushing) Shut up!
  • Inojin: Heh. (proud he made her lose her cool)
  • Sarada: (recovers) Wait... (smirks) you think my dad is hot?
  • Inojin: ...I've walked right into that one.

i love brooklyn nine-nine, and i love harry styles. but one day when i tried to relate harry to the closest character he fits with in the squad.

I REALIZED THAT HE IS ALL OF THEM.

captain raymond holt: boujee, assumptions are mostly correct, has car insurance, massive supporter of the lgbtq+ community and massive hater of racists and homophobes, has guest robes, slippers and toothbrushes ready at hand, says stan language in that way

jake peralta: really hardworking, intense character growth, PUNS, reaaaally likes to prove his point, has the same love and dedication jake has for die hard movies but with romcoms, never forgets his debts (emotional and financial-wise), go big or go home

terry jeffords: fits dunkirk fitness stage harry so good, muscly yet soft, is serious when he needs to be, will force-feed you carrots, is mostly the dad of the friend group

charles boyle: has atleast four catchphrases, has utmost love and support for his best friend, people-pleaser, knows how to do quinoa and kale in like eleven ways, can dress straight like he’s from the matrix, has a food processor, big softie

amy santiago: competitive ass (this man once held a table tennis competition and he won it himself, with a trophy and a medal), likes grandma print clothes and stuff, friendly, smart, finds loopholes to reaaaaally prove his point, competitive again because it’s that competitive

rosa diaz: rides a motorcycle, private about personal life, can make someone cower with a single glance, can’t straightly answer questions about non-work life and drags out the uhhhh, looks intimidating but is a softie

gina linetti: intense dance moves, dramatic, has a flare for the dramatic, loves drama, can gossip for hours, goes to bathrooms with good acoustics, uses three-ply tissue paper, practices expressions in front of the mirror, can be a bitch, can say yikes and lower your self-esteem from a 100 to a 0 real quick

2

merry christmas and a happy new year from our favourite old timers!