that made me officially quit life


It’s 12:35am and I am officially 30 years old.

Happy birthday me. There were quite a few times in the last year when I felt like this was a milestone I wouldn’t make, but I’m glad I’m here. Still alive, somewhat kicking but mostly screaming.

Thank you, to all of you out there who have made my life so weirdly wonderful over the last year. You’ve made a happy woman very old ;)

In this year I will continue to work toward reclaiming my health, be getting treatment for my mental health issues, and debuting my first novel.

So here’s to another year around the sun. What a time to still, thankfully, be alive :)

Sebastian’s song?

Okay, so I’m gonna be absolutely honest and say I haven’t been paying a whole lot of attention to the most recent Kuro chapters but in this month’s one, there was something that caught my attention…

We know how both Ciel and Sebastian are producing the Phantom 5, right?

Well, I was reading

and ok, Edward introduces the song they’ll be performing (nothing new or relevant honestly), and even tho in the title says Knight, I thought it could mean anything really… So, I kept reading

until I got to this part

“No, you’re the prey for me” 

and that’s precisely where I thought: 

wait, that sounds like something a certain demon butler would say .. and well, from there on

it started to become

more and more evident

who was the one in charge of this lyrics 

and who they are about

This is just a conjecture I made from the official translation, but wouldn’t it be interesting?

A song written by a demon about this fragile but proud human?

And also, could the first verses count as a summary of Sebastian’s life before Ciel from his own point of view?

Anyway, just wanted to share what I thought with you guys x)
'Grey's Anatomy': Another Cast Member Exits Shondaland | EW

When Grey’s Anatomy boss Shonda Rhimes told EW that the finale would be “on fire,” she was being quite literal.

After Stephanie set fire to the escaping rapist in the penultimate hour, she accidentally caused a giant explosion in the hospital. Against all odds, Stephanie survived the fire, and even saved the little girl, but the event made her realize that she’s spent most of her life in a hospital and doesn’t want to anymore. Yes, Stephanie survived, but she subsequently quits — and her portrayer Jerrika Hinton is officially leaving the ABC medical drama.

“Actors evolve differently and when an actor like Jerrika comes to me and says she wants to try something new creatively, I like to honor that,” executive producer Shonda Rhimes says of the exit. “Jerrika has shared so much of herself with Stephanie and I am incredibly proud of the journey we’ve taken together. While I’m sad to see Stephanie leave Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, I am excited to see what’s next for Jerrika.”

EW turned to Hinton to get the scoop on why she decided to leave:

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: What came with the decision to leave Grey’s Anatomy, and what was that conversation with Shonda like?
JERRIKA HINTON: That was a conversation that happened almost a year ago. It was very, very open and straightforward. You ever have one of those conversations — with a superior in particular, not just a peer — that feels like a natural, genuine meeting of the minds? That’s what that conversation was like. It was extremely and deeply gratifying.

How do you feel about how Stephanie’s story came to an end, that she went off to live her own life and not die, which is what everyone expected after that penultimate episode?
I’m a fan. I deeply appreciate that she gets to leave a lasting mark, not just in that place, but also from what the fans on social media are saying and within the audiences’ minds as well. I feel like this is the natural conclusion of what her journey has been over this season. Her journey has been about self-actualization and repression. Being in the line of work that is about literal life and death and yet no one processing it, and no one encouraging that you process it; Minnick was possibly the only one, in episode 22 or 23, when she sent Steph to therapy. For as upset as people may be with Minnick, that was the right thing. That is the thing that not only Stephanie needs, but everybody in that line of work — everybody in that hospital definitely — needs. You’ve got her sacrificing herself for a place that isn’t doing the same thing for her. We saw it when they lost the little boy, and Robbins ran after Minnick rather than tending to the distraught resident. You’ve got her in the midst of conditions that are figuratively and literally burning her out. It’s meaningful that she not only sees the world for what it is, but that she also makes a healthy decision about how to move forward. Whenever we see people on television making those kinds of hard decisions, it makes it easier for us to do that in our own lives — or at least makes us soften to the possibility of doing that in our own lives.

Was there ever a possibility that they were going to kill off Stephanie?
I mean, I’ve pitched a lot of things over the years, and I’m sure the writers in the bungalow have pitched a lot of things this season. So, I can’t necessarily speak to how many versions of Stephanie’s exit there were, but I know there were multiple versions.

Would you have wanted her to die?
Only if it had been in a very specific way. There are a very narrow set of circumstances that I felt would be appropriate for her to exit the show with death. It can’t just be death for melodrama’s sake.

Stephanie basically got Minnick fired. How do you think she feels about that?
I think in that final interaction that Stephanie has with Minnick, Stephanie would feel a-okay. She would not lose any sleep at night. This is what I will say: Everybody should just go off and live their best life.

Looking back at your time on the show, is there any particular moment that sticks out to you?
Honestly, it’s going to be that scene with Jim [Pickens Jr.] in the finale. Everything about shooting the last two episodes was so strenuous and exhausting and, in ways, traumatizing. That one scene, which came very early in the schedule of the finale, was a moment where everything became easy, and everything had such flow. In the midst of such chaos and spectacle, to have something like that, I think the dichotomy alone makes it something that just stands out for me.

What was it like filming this episode?
It was a beast, to be quite honest with you. I’m still recovering, physically and emotionally, from it. I’m going to get emotional. When my parents get in town [Thursday] and we go over to my girlfriend’s house and we all sit down together and have a big viewing party, there’s going to be a couple things that I know I can’t watch, just because it’s going to feel like I am going through it again; I can’t watch it as a viewer. So I’m prepared for that. But to speak about production, I had to do an hour of prosthetics every morning, you had pyrotechnics going off all around you, you were breathing propane fumes all day, all week, running up and down stairs, carrying a kid, screaming my heart out on a rooftop in the middle of the night. It was a lot. It was more than I have ever had to endure with an episode or a role. I hope it was all worth it, I hope it all shows on the screen.

Is there anything you would change or anything you regret from your time on Grey’s?
No. I’ve been there for five years, and the decision to leave was my own that was supported in a very deep way that I could never communicate, by my boss, and a host of other things that I could mention that have happened in those five years that are just significant memories. So when I look back on my time, I genuinely can’t. Not only do I not have regrets, I don’t have any what ifs, I don’t have any if onlys; everything that has happened has happened in exactly the way that it should for myself. I look forward to the next chapter, because I know I can close this and let go of this one so cleanly.

There’s really nothing you wish you had gotten to do with Stephanie? No romance you wish you could’ve explored?
No, because for me to answer that question, I’d have to create a whole new world of circumstances. Within the circumstances of what the show is and all the characters that we have had and all the pairings that we have had over the years, there’s nothing else I would’ve done differently. There are no new romances that I think they should’ve thought out with cast members. It’s not like I think Stephanie should’ve taken over the hospital, none of that. Everything has been what it is.

Are you open to returning to Grey’s Anatomy in the future?
Yes, that place has a really wonderful soft spot in my heart. I think that because of the nature of Stephanie’s injuries and the way that she has decided to leave, what she has decided to prioritize, for it to make sense, it would have to be a long time before Stephanie graces those halls again for it to make sense. She can’t have gone through all of this and then six months later says, “Hey guys, just kidding, I’m back. I went and I took two hikes and I was like, ‘I’m good!‘”

You’ve already signed onto something new, this Alan Ball project for HBO. Is there anything you can say?
To be honest with you, even though I’m a month outside of being in Shondaland, my reflexes are still Shondaland reflexes, which means I get very nervous about sharing information. Even though I’m certain I can, I’m still working to recalibrate those reflexes. The new show is really wonderful. I’m very, very excited about my character. I’m still scared, because I don’t know what I can or can’t say. Shonda has trained me well. [Laughs] Words can’t explain [how much fun I’m having]. My new family and I, we have this group text. We sit and text all day. If you would’ve told me a few months ago that I would sit on my phone texting all day with a bunch of people, I would’ve said, “That sounds like pure hell, please let me just turn off my phone and not be connected,” but I pick up my phone and go, “What is the group talking about today?” It’s just so exciting. There’s such love and generosity. It’s very collaborative. I feel very fortunate.

How Much For That Bear in the Window (Chapter 7)

previous chapter

Summary: Dan, an eighteen year old boy who has finally reached the age to be sold from the whorehouse he used to call home, is given to a man with dreamy blue eyes who makes this seem a lot less terrifying. 

Pairing: Phan

Prostitution Fic/Bought

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

12 & 28? 😊

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone?
I developed a crush on someone at uni but when I heard their view on politics was quite different to my own it kinda made me a bit,, yikes. Not that it stopped me crushing completely, but people’s political standpoint can be kinda a turn off for me.

28. are you out? if so how did you come out?
I’m not officially out no. A couple of my real life friends know, and only really because they asked me lmao. My parents have questioned numerous times, my mum flat out asked me if I was gay a couple weeks ago but I panicked and said no. They wouldn’t care at all, they’ve literally said all they care about is me being happy in life, I just feel very awkward and uncomfortable talking about it?? Maybe because I’m still not 110% certain what exactly I am. If I ever got into a relationship with a girl and it got semi serious I’d tell them then, other than that I don’t really feel the need to come out you know???

Abeshiya and Shop AU- headcanons

This official art made me think how nice it would be if Ashiya and Abeno would work together in convenience store. :D So here some headcanons of such AU. :D

1. One day Ashiya decide to start work as part timer in convenience store. :D He meets there Abeno who works there already from some months. Because he is Ashiya’s senpai he is asked to show Ashiya all around and to explain him everything. And from that moment all Abeno’s life will change hahah. ;) 

2. Ashiya is very motivated worker… but quite clumsy too. ;) Which makes Abeno to have like 2 times more work. ;) Abeno says that “5 year old” shouldn’t work then in shop ;) but he still helps Ashiya in everything. :D Plus Ashiya sunshine energy has also quite healing power towards him. :D  And soon they become very close. :D

3. With time Ashiya become more and more reliable, tho sometimes still he dump things from shelves… And in last moment always Abeno appear to shield him by his own body and stop things to fall on him. 

4. All other workers noticed that from the time Ashiya appeared , (Abeno is proud :D but couldn’t admit this :D) Abeno become much more kind and more approachable. They call this “Ashiya’s magic”. :D

5. Of course the first who noticed their feelings between each other was Abeno (Ashiya was still too oblivious ;)) but it took him some time to admit his feelings. Soon after this they become couple. :D Ashiya in love is just too cute for Abeno to resist so from time to time he appears between shelves to steal his cutie boyfriend kiss. :D 

6. When they are on night shift and end job very late Abeno always guides Ashiya to home. One time during such walk they found cute, white fluffy dog which was homeless. They become his owner and call him Fuzzy. :D Fuzzy loves his both owners a lot and they play with him a loooooot too. :D 

7. Soon they start to live together. :D With Fuzzy of course. :D and they are like lil happy family. :D 


If you would be interested I really really recommend wonderful, lovely and fluffy fanfic With a smile (AO3 link) by @300yen-san , which is based on Fukigen’s official art and these silly headcanons of mine !!!!!!!!. >/////////< So so happy and honoured ahjahajkhjahaakj. Once again thank you. :* :* :* :* 

Nate Maloley - Stop it

Request:  Can you do a Nate imagine where Y/N comes to the studio and Derek won’t stop flirting with her xx


“Baby, why don’t you just go shopping with one of your friends?” Nate asked as we pulled over at the studio.

“I told you, I’m not in the mood. I just want to see my man in work and then have lunch together.” I gave him a smile and pecked his face. I heard him sigh and I didn’t understand why he didn’t want me to be in the studio. He parked the car and then we walked inside hand in hand. We had been together for over a year now and we made it official to the public half a year ago so we had nothing to hide.

Anyone that came face to us greeted Nate and then me with a warm smile. He basically spent half of his life there so I was expecting him to know everyone. Despite the fact that we had been together for quite a while I had never been to the studio, it just didn’t happen somehow, but now I insisted on going with him.

“So, this is where the magic happens?” I asked with bright eyes as we walked into a recording room that was reserved for him and Derek.

Other than the studio, Derek was the other mystery in his life, I had never met him even though they had been working together for a while now. There were a bunch of times when I was supposed to meet him at an event or something, but somehow Nate always cancelled on me, or Derek didn’t show up, either way, I had never met him.

“Yes it is. Do you want to record something?” he asked chuckling and started to push random buttons, or at least, it was quite random for me, but he surely knew what he was doing.

“Oh, yeah, because I have such a great voice,” I frowned shaking my head. I only sang when I was in the shower, Nate could tell about it, he heard my private concerts a thousand times, but he always just adorably said that I should stay in law school instead of becoming a singer. I have such a funny boyfriend!

“What are you talking about? I love to hear your voice. Especially when you are screaming my name,” he added smirking at me and I gasped slapping his arm.

“Shut up, before someone hears you,” I warned him but couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

“Well, you didn’t mind the neighbors hearing you for example last night with your moans and sc-“

“Nate!” I said once more covering his mouth. He just laughed kissing my hand and then turned back to the board full of slides and buttons.

A moment later the door opened and Derek stepped into the room. As he saw me his eyes brightened up.

“Is it the famous Y/N? It’s time we finally meet!” he chuckled giving me a warm hug.

“Nice to meet you, Derek,” I smiled at him.

“Nate, you told me she is gorgeous, but I didn’t know she is a jaw-dropping hottie!” he grinned at me running his gaze up and down on my body.

“Derek, stop,” Nate growled, but I just shrugged at their behavior. “I’m ready, can we start? We have lunch plans,” he sighed turning to his friend.

“Sure. Why don’t you go first and in the meanwhile I’ll get to know your lady better,” he said winking at me. I didn’t take it serious, I guess he was just naturally flirty, but Nate didn’t enjoy his little act.

“Chill yourself, bro. We are working here,” he warned him with a serious look earning some confused expressions from both of us.

“Baby, relax. Derek was just joking.” I stepped closer to him putting my hands to his arm.

“Yeah, whatever. Can we just start?” he asked obviously getting annoyed.

They started to record one of their new songs, I sat in the corner of the room listening to him rapping as Derek took control of the board. I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, so I pulled it out checking out the message my mom sent me. I didn’t even realize that Derek was talking to me, I realized that he was waiting for my answer when I looked up from the screen and found myself facing his questioning look.

“Um, sorry, what did you say?”

He let out a small chuckle turning to me with his whole body while Nate was still behind the glass, not hearing a thing from our conversation.

“I asked if you have signal, because it’s better in the hallway, the walls are too thick here,” he repeated himself. I giggled shaking my head no.

“It’s okay, but thanks for the tip.”

He was about to reply but then Nate came out with an angry expression on his face, his eyes were shifting back and forth between Derek and me.

“Will you stop flirting with my goddamned girlfriend?” he burst out furiously with his hands in fists.

“What are you talking about?” Derek asked just as confused as I was.

“Baby, wha-“

“No, stop it! You have been trying to pick her up since you came in! Stop it or I will!” he groaned. I walked over to him taking his hands in me. He immediately let his fingers loosen up and held my hands.

“Nate, he wasn’t flirting, he just told me that the signal is better outside,” I informed him looking into his eyes. I could see him softening as he understood the situation.

“Oh,” he whispered looking at me pressing his lips into a thin line.

“Let’s take a break, I’ll be back in five,” Derek said sighing and he left the room. I took Nate’s face in my hand caressing his cheeks.

“He may be trying to pick me up, but I already have my man right here,” I said smiling at him. I knew he could get jealous sometimes and it was kind of cute how he saw a threat in every men that talked to me, I also got jealous over some of his fans, so I didn’t blame him, but I understood why he didn’t want me to meet Derek, he was afraid of this exact situation.

He pulled me into his arms kissing into my neck.

“Sorry baby, I got carried away a bit,” he mumbled against my skin, his breathe tickling my neck.

“It’s okay. You know I love you,” I said hugging his neck tightly.

“I love you too, baby.”

A Letter to Riley

Day 3: prompt “I see the clock up on the wall and wonder where you are tonight.”

This one king of goes with day 1: mistake. I would suggest reading it before reading this one. I hope you enjoy it.

My heart is in my stomach as I walk out of Riley’s building. I have to blink a few times to push the tears back. I just made a complete ass of myself in front of her, I officially lost her. Of course she moved on. Now it’s her turn to get married. This James guy is lucky; any guy would be lucky to spend the rest of their life with her. It could have been me, it should have been me, if I wasn’t so damn stupid.

I keep walking the streets of New York until I’m in front of the bar I’ve become quite acquainted. It’s where I come to forget everything around.

“Whisky on the rocks John,” I say taking my seat at the bar. He nods at me and prepares my drink. I’ve became a bit of a regular this past year.

He places it in front of me, “You’re here awful late. What happened tonight?”

I take a big swig, “Nothing much, just getting my heart stomped on.”

“I’m guessing you went to go see that Riley woman you’ve been going on and on about.” I nod as I take another drink. “I’m guessing it didn’t go well.”

I hold up the glass, “What do you think?” I down the rest of my drink, “Just keep them coming. I need to forget how big of an idiot I am.” John nods as he fixes me another drink. After he gives it to me, he moves to the other end of the bar to help his other customers.

I stare at the drink in my hand, how did I get here? Sitting alone in a bar feeling broken. My phone starts ringing; I look down at it to see Zay’s picture staring at me. I press ignore. I’m not really in any mood to talk. I feel a hole burning into my pocket, I reach into it and pull out a letter I’ve been carrying around for months. A letter I thought about mailing a thousand time, but never had the courage to do so. I unfold it, chug the rest of my drink, and read it for the hundredth time.

Dear Riley,

Today I signed my divorcee papers, my marriage is officially over. If I’m being honest, it was over as soon as I seen you outside the church. Why were you there, Riley? You weren’t supposed to be there for this exact reason. I moved over, or so I thought, but I was happy. I was really happy. I convinced myself to be happy without you, and once I did, you come back. You had no fucking right! You were the one who ended things between us.

The day you decided to leave is forever embedded into my memory. You didn’t believe we could make it work with you in California and me in Texas, but Riley we had no what we have is an extraordinary relationship. It would have made us stronger, but you didn’t give us that opportunity. Instead, you made the decision yourself doing what you thought was best the way you always did. The way I felt once again didn’t matter. You broke me that day.

I want to be furious with you for showing up that day. For ruining the life, I could have had. I met an amazing woman who helped put me back together. I’m supposed to be enjoying the married life with her, but I couldn’t. Every time we were snuggled up on the couch trying to enjoy each other’s company, I’d catch myself staring at the wall. I would see the clock on the wall and wonder where you were tonight. If you were doing the same with someone else because you finally moved on. You were always on my mind. I was supposed to be focused on my marriage, but instead I was wishing that you were the one I was married to.  

Riley, I want to be with you. I know it might be too soon considering I just signed the papers, but I don’t care. I just need to know that you want to be with me. That I didn’t end my marriage for nothing. I love you, Riley. I always have, just please let me prove that to you. Please give me the chance.

Love always,


I start to fold it back up, when I feel someone pat my back. “I see you still carry that around with you,” Zay says. He takes the open seat next me to and orders a beer. “You kept ignoring my calls, which is rude by the way. But I knew this is where I’d be able to find you here, especially after Riley called Maya and told her you went to see her.”

I take a drink, “She’s getting married,” I say defeated, and Zay nods. I signal for John to come over, “Can I get another one,” I say shaking the glass, “and can you get rid of this for me,” I pass over the letter to John and he takes it. I watch as he tosses it in the trash.

Zay’s eyes go wide. “It’s was time to throw it away. She’ll never read it, she’s getting married for god sake. When is the big day by the way?”

He takes a sip of his beer, “In about a month.”

I order a shot of the strongest thing he has behind the bar, and once it’s placed in front of me I hold it up, “To Riley. Maybe her marriage will turn out better than mine.” I throw the shot down my throat

Zay and I sit there in silence, well I’m silent. He is talking about who knows what, I’m too zoned out to listen. My thoughts are consumed with Riley, and how I screwed everything up. I pull out of my wallet and slam down some cash on the bar top and push myself up from the stool.

Zay looks at me, “You aren’t going to give up without a fight are you?”

I shake my head, “If you saw the way she looked at me tonight, you would know that he isn’t the one for her. Maybe I’m not seeing clearly, but she looked at me the way she always did. She had love in her eyes. It’s still there I know it is.”

“But you threw the letter away.”

“Zay that’s just a piece of paper. I can’t throw away what I feel. I can’t give up when I feel it in my heart that there is still a chance. I can’t give up on her, on us.” I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, “I made the mistake of marrying the wrong person, I’m not going to let her do the same.” I turn on my heels to leave, “I’ll let you know once I’m home. Go home to Maya, don’t worry about me. I’m going to be fine.” At least, I hope.

anonymous asked:

Wait; so you speak Ukrainian and Russian ? Do you learn both at school and why bc you are 2 different countries ?

I am not ‘two different countries’, the part of Ukraine I live in is historically Russian-speaking, as many other regions. Ukraine was always quite seperated on Russian-speaking regions, (south east) and Ukrainian-speaking (west). So, for my whole life I’ve been speaking and learning Russian, while at the same time we did have Ukrainian at schools too. but it wasn’t hardcore, you know. But then later our government changed, and nobody seemed to care all that much about Russian-speaking people, they made Ukrainian the only official language in the country, so me and many other people ended up having Ukrainian everywhere: on tv, news, in movie thietres, not even talking about schools. Like, I’ve had ONE lesson during a week of my native language, and, guess what, 5 Ukrainian lessons. Sounds fair, isn’t it? 

I know it’s easy for me to understand Ukrainian, because it happened to be quite a big part of my education (the main part who am I kidding), but there are many people (my uncle for example) who don’t understand Ukrainian good enough. *personally my tongue feels quite uncomfortable even speaking it and I have to think about how do I form a sentense sometimes.* 

And now we may or we may not end up with another Ukrainisation, which is just so incredibly unfair for southern east. Or at least I feel this way..Like, we’re no less Ukrainians than western people, but still no one seem to understand that they force the language on us that isn’t native.

Sorry I know you didn’t ask for it but I had to rant.

Back Again


Jack’s POV:

My hand was gripped to the black leather of my steering wheel. I looked to my left and took a deep breath, I was back in my hometown of Omaha, Nebraska. I haven’t been here since April and it is now June. It was officially summer, well for me at least. Not for those who still attend school. Speaking of school, pulling into the familiar parking lot of Westside was quite weird. I haven’t seen nor been to this school since I graduated which was now a year ago. It’s crazy to think how time flies. I smiled thinking about all the friends and memories I made here. I also thought back to my senior year and how I met that one person that changed my life for the better, Y/N.

She was in the grade below me which wasn’t a problem. She made my senior year one to remember and I hope her senior year was one to remember because her last day of school is tomorrow. She graduates tomorrow and she thinks that I won’t be coming because I have “tour” business. But that was a lie, I took a flight back home from LA last night and got in late last night and now here I am parking my car, which I have missed so much, in a visitors parking space at Westside to pick her up from school. She would usually drive to school but I had her mom lie and say she needed the car today so I could pick her up. I sat in my car for a good twenty minutes waiting for the clock to strike 1:30 PM. 

I got a text from her mom saying that she told Y/N she was waiting at the front. I smiled reaching for the handle to open my door. My feet hit the ground and I began to make my way into Westside. I smiled to the ladies at the front desk and stopped in my tracks as I heard the final bell of the day ring. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked ahead. 

It wasn’t long until I saw her beautiful brown hair along with her beautiful smile as she talked to one of her friends. It was only seconds later she turned and her smiled seemed to brow bigger. She stopped in her tracks and her friend got nervous and stopped with her looking to her asking “what’s wrong”. I smiled even bigger and smiled even bigger at her. She ignored her friends question and ran right past her, I opened my arms big waiting for her to reach me. Soon enough I felt her jump up into my arms, her arms wrapped around my neck and her legs finding there place around my waist. I hugged her tight as I heard her little sobs. I kissed her head and spun her around. We stood like that for a good two minutes and I wish we could have stayed longer but I needed to kiss her lips and hear her voice. I haven’t been able to for the past two and half months. 

Her legs untwined from my waist and were placed on the ground and her arms moved from my neck to her side. I smiled looking at her and taking her in. She looks even more beautiful. 

“Hi” I said to her as I smiled. She smiled back, “Hi” 

I didn’t say much after that I just took her in my arms and kissed her. I was waiting for this moment for two and a half months and now it was finally here. I am happy again. 

kissing you better

lil note: Ok so someone requested an imagine where he finds out you self harm and i didn’t know if i should write it bc some people might find it upsetting but I decided to write it anyway but PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FIND THIS KIND OF THING TRIGGERING I DON’T WANNA UPSET ANYONE SO PLEASE DON’T READ IF YOU THINK THIS MIGHT BE TRIGGERING TO YOU

requested: yes

Ashton/4 - he finds out y/n self harms

word count: 855

I had been in a very dark place before I met Ashton, he was literally my sunshine. Some how he managed to come into my life and light up my life even when I had lost all hope of ever finding happiness. The two of us had been together for a year now and I had been the happiest I had ever been.

However, recently the two of us had officially made our relationship public (even though it had always been pretty obvious). This had caused quite a bit of hate to be directed towards me, of course most of Ashtons fans were lovely to me, there were just some that didn’t like me at all. For a while I had been able to deal with the hate, but i’d been having a bad past few days. I was beginning to feel the darkness flooding back in, slowly clouding my mind with deadly thoughts.

Ashton was out working today. I had barely seen him all week because he’d been working so much. I wanted to tell him how I felt, that I was getting bad again but there was no time to do so. Tonight Ashton said he wouldn’t be back until the early hours of the morning so I knew I wouldn’t have time to speak to him tonight

Staring outside at the pouring rain, I sat letting the tears flood down my face, just like the water droplets that flooded the grim streets. My phone was thrown across the floor, the hateful messages lighting up the screen too much for me to handle in this state. 23:49. I should be asleep but here I am almost unable to breathe. It felt like the darkness was filling my lungs, leaving no room to breathe. Turning away from the window, I sat up because the lack of air in my lungs was making me feel light headed and sick

Lifting my trembling body from the bed I tiptoed over to the mirror. Just the sight of my reflection fills me with hatred. You know what they’re right? I’m not good enough for Ashton I’m fucking disgusting. My body is repulsive and my face is so fucking ugly. I’m not even worthy of existence never mind Ashton. The person I saw in the mirror, wasn’t the smiling girl I was used to seeing. It was something ugly, it was how I felt inside, a dark and twisted creature too repulsive to look at.

I start sobbing very loudly, almost screaming as i drop to the floor. Smashing my fist on the floor I try to let out some of the frustration, tears flooding my cheeks. I feel nauseous and I just really need Ashton to come calm me down right now. But then I’d be wasting Ashtons time, he needs to be in the studio writing songs with the band not wasting time on me, I’m fucking worthless. I take up so much of Ashtons time I’m surprised he hasn’t just gotten rid of me yet. I need to get rid of me.

Before I could fully understand what I was doing, I was in the bathroom sat on the edge of the bath tub, a blade in my hand. Looking at the scars the had previously been cuts that covered my wrists, I felt so disgusted at myself, i felt so filled with hatred. Thoughts of the messages fans had sent me ran through my mind as I edge the blade closer to the skin on the inside of my wrist. Sobbing loudly I rested the blade against my tender wrist, ready to slice and let the blood come pouring.

“Baaaaabe??” I was interrupted by Ashtons loud voice, I tried to block him out and continue.

“wait are you crying? Baby girl where are you??” He called, I heard him racing across the hall, checking a few other rooms before barging into the bathroom.

“Oh my God, y/n you promised me you’d stopped” He whispered, running over to where i sat. Pulling the blade from my only scratched wrist, he kissed along my wrist. His lips pressed against every scar before he looked up at me, hazel eyes filled with hurt.

“w-what made you try and- y'know” He muttered gesturing to the blade, which now lay on the floor.

“Just some people on Twitter said some stuff and i-i i’m not good enough for you Ashton, I don’t deserve you, I don’t even deserve life” This made Ashton sob even harder. Knelt, in front of me, occasionally kissing my wrists he told me how much he loved me, how he wouldn’t be able to go on without me. The more he spoke the weaker his voice got and it made me feel guilty for even contemplating ending my life.

“baby, please just speak to me if you ever feel like, this i can try and make it better, I just can’t lose you baby your my world”

I sat down besides him and he kissed my forehead before pressing our lips together. Intertwining our fingers, we both lay on the bathroom floor.We were both still upset and crying but it was ok. We can just kiss it better.

ugh i don’t like the ending but anyway like if you enjoyed and give me feedback here 

Also if you guys ever feel sad and want someone to speak to i’m here, I know what it feels like to really really hate yourself and feel really worthless and idk i dont want anyone else to feel as alone as i have

request | masterlist

6 months ago today, I made the biggest decision of my life. 

6 months ago, I decided to quit my job, my apartment and uproot my life to move to a new country. I did this because I had met you. I met you, and you made me realise that life could be so much better. That life could feel good, not just painful. 

6 months ago we officially became girlfriends, and let everyone know. I never want these feelings to end. I love you so much <3 Happy 6 months puseskatt <3

So Spencer Smith officially quit Panic! at the Disco today and of course I’m sad because they are a band that is so so so important to me and my college years and who I am as a person, but I feel a great sense of closure because he wrote a beautiful, heartfelt, and sentimental letter to the fans thanking them for making his dreams come true. 

Whoa. Imagine that. A band member leaving gracefully and thanking the fans for what they’ve done. What a novel idea. 

Thank you Spencer. You made so many important moments in my life very special. 

[TRANS] 25 Happy Moments In The Year Wu Yifan Turned 25

NO. 1: Firstly let us have Boss Wu to share the first thing he did this year!
Wu Yifan: This year I officially made my debut in the Chinese movie industry with the movie . My benefactor Director Xu Jinglei, who paved the road for me, being satisfied with my performance also made me happy.

NO. 2: Can you share something fun you did with us?
Wu Yifan: I gave a speech at Sina Entertainment’s 15th anniversary for the first time and it was quite meaningful.

NO. 3: The fans complimented you on making the male lead in the novel come to life.
Wu Yifan: I hope they will say the same after my collaboration with Liu Yifei in .

NO. 4: Wu Yifan opened the door to a new world in fashion in 2015.
Wu Yifan: Met Ball opened the door to a new world for me too, and I met some new friends.

NO. 5: So are you considering making fashion?
Wu Yifan: Yes, because recently I don’t have hair, so I started from the top and designed my own caps.

NO. 6: Boss Wu isn’t designing your own products behind our backs right?
Wu Yifan: No, I am still a model for ’s 10th anniversary cover. Yes, I am a model, yes, I am.

NO. 7: Indeed, actors who cannot sing cannot be good models as well.
Wu Yifan: There is too much to learn. Previously when I went to Paris to see Givenchy’s show I felt I learnt a lot, and I even managed to take time to stroll along the streets.

NO. 8: Boss Wu, please tell us what you like to do aside from work.
Wu Yifan: I’m still a kid, so I like to do things that kids love to do.
NO. 8: Kids love to play games.
Wu Yifan: I’m playing games too, and I even endorsed the game.

NO. 9: When work gets heavy do you wish you can be at two places at the same time?
Wu Yifan: I still have my Little Fanfan at Madame Tussaud’s Museum. Little Fanfan is the only 90-liner in the wax museum and I am very honoured.

NO. 10: Other than splitting into two, what other superpower do you wish to have?
Wu Yifan: Everyone, please look forward to where Fanfan can do magic stunts. I also love the movie poster of myself, but of course it would be better if there weren’t so many bulbs behind. 

NO. 11: Why did you shave your hair impulsively for ?
Wu Yifan: Director Xu Ke and Xing-ye are both my idols and I would be nervous when I work with my idols [1]. It’s not bad shaving my hair off as well and it was a breakthrough for me. 

NO. 12: You don’t feel exhausted working with your idols right?
Wu Yifan: Haha, I’m very happy, but I vomited due to exhaustion before we finished filming . However, I vomited for my idols! [2]

NO. 13: What do you feel most proud of accomplishing in 2015?
Wu Yifan: I appeared on New York Times Square with Again, Beats, Dr Dre, Eminem, Xiao Jian and LeBron James and it was the first time I went up there. Working with Dr Dre allowed me to auction off my first pair of limited edition headphones and do my part for charity.  

NO. 14: You won the best rookie award at London’s 3rd International Chinese movie awards for . How do you feel about it? 
Wu Yifan: Yes, this is an encouragement. Singer Wu Yifan is also an actor right?

NO. 15: This year you changed your identity a lot, from an actor, a singer, a model to a designer. What else do you want to do?
Wu Yifan: Actually when I participated in Challenger Union I tried many professions, and all were good. Through the show I also realised there are many ways one can make money, such as being a cashier, which humbled me. 

NO. 16: Boss Wu must have many thoughts when you celebrate your birthday every year right? 
Wu Yifan: Yes, when I had a concert on my birthday, 4000 of you supported me through the rain at the start of winter and used your lightsticks to illuminate me. My friends and seniors also gave me strength. 

NO. 17: So you gave your song to your fans as a gift. 
Wu Yifan: Yes, “Bad Girl”, the song I wrote, is now online. Everyone can now hear what I want to say to all of you and no matter what, this is what I wanted to say, and is my gift to you. And yes, I am a rock star, yes, I am!

NO. 18: You must be thankful for your mother on your birthday right?
Wu Yifan: My mother was watching the concert on my birthday and I feel she was satisfied. No one can really know the exhaustion I faced. She didn’t go for the after-party and went home first. My mother is cool. 

NO. 19: Another family member attended that day?
Wu Yifan: Yes, my dog. My dog performed at a stadium for the first time that day. 

NO. 20: What is the most unexpected thing that happened in 2015? 
Wu Yifan: Director Luc Besson invited me to take part in his science fiction mega-production .

NO. 21: Is “Bad Girl” the happiest song you made in 2015?
Wu Yifan: I also covered “Greenhouse Girl”, I also covered “Greenhouse Girl” , I also covered “Greenhouse Girl”! All bow to Cui Jian!

NO. 22: Shockingly, other than doing music you still dream of playing basketball. 
Wu Yifan: Yes! Basketball! I went for an NBA broadcast at Tencent and they said I could do it! The night before I played basketball at their office basement I didn’t really sleep much but I could still shoot well. 

NO. 23: Is there anything that you did which wasn’t part of your goal at first? 
Wu Yifan: Appearing on the cover of People magazine with three other socialites. I am extremely honoured. 

NO. 24: What was the most unforgettable memory in 2015?
Wu Yifan: When started showing, I went for a memorable road trip with Director Xiaogang, Director Guan Hu and Zhonglei-ge, one city a day, with this few older brothers. We would have a glass to drink after we finished our schedules for the day… sometimes it was two glasses. Jie please don’t roll your eyes. 

NO. 25: As the year of 2015 comes to an end, please say something to everyone.
Wu Yifan: Did a year just go by like this? Friends, let’s meet at the countdown party. Every one of you, you are everything. 

Wu Yifan’s Workshop: Say one last thing!
Wu Yifan: Thank you, and I’m not increasing your salary. 

[1] He meant he has to do what they say.
[2] He wasn’t very clear here, I assume he meant he vomited while serving his idols so it was alright to him. 

Translated by; subzero
Original article cr; Wu Yifan’s Workshop
Take out with full credits!

Someone made the mistake of calling Avi a “marshmallow with a beard” and this happened. Here’s to you, tumblr user! (I think it was tumblr…idk; this is officially dedicated to whoever said it because its super accurate)
Anyway its almost midnight and this is what my life has been reduced to. YIPPEE

whaaaaaat!!!! i got 10k (see what i did ther??? they spell out 10 k?? ha ha ha haha)!!!!!! 

im really so grateful for every single one of u and i just gotta say thanks to a few people that i would not be in the double digit k’s without :-)

  • thanks 5sos-official for reblogging my paper children and following me like it made my life thank u ♥
  • thanks to the sexy sydney greenlght for blogsitting for me while i was in london/still blogsitting for me bc im not technically home yet, and also for just being an amazing friend always :-)

there’s some artists that i’m friends with that deserve t be thanked as well, as they reblog my art and give me advice :-)

  • jemini beejam is so talented and was the reason that 5sos noticed me, so shout out to her. she’s quite possibly one of the nicest people i’ve talked to as well.
  • sabrina sphiliart is also very talented and has always been so kind to me and enjoyed my art :-)
  • erin duhmichael reblogs my stuff a lot and she also makes rly cute drawings so yeah :-)

there’s so many others i could thank, but i wanna keep it concise hehe!!! so thanks to all these people +many more. and a huge thanks to all 10k of YOU guys, bc you reblog me and leave me cute messages and are just so adorable in general. making the paper children and all the other doodles have been the best decision of my life and i love y’all okay thanks for putting up with me :-)