that lobster one speaks to me

AHS Imagines - Jimmy Darling


“You know you’re my best friend right?”

You gently placed yourself on the freshly cutgrass, responding with a consumed hum. Your view was exquisite, the sun just touched the open waters of the lake, and if you looked closely, you could see the ripples formed from its touch.

The winds were something you would never forget, how the simple kiss of its warm air blew your long strands of hair onto your petite face.  It was October. Placing your gaze on the tree that hung low above your head, you started to count all the red leaves. The more you counted, the more lethargic you got. Red was your favourite colour, it expressed such a diverse set of emotions it simply fascinated you…One may use it to express anger, or one can use it to portray excitement.

Ever since you were 7, with a passion for painting, you would sign your name on every art piece you’ve made in red ink…to show the emotion you felt while creating your piece…but it was up to the viewer to identify whether you were joyful or resentful. You’ve always dreamed of being an artist, imagining your work next to great artists like Da Vinci or Donatello, you wanted to be remembered…and the way you wanted to be was for your refined red ink.

“Do you wanna get going Y/N? Your momma’s gonna be angry again” Jimmy whispered in your ear,

You lost count at 125, and thanked Jimmy for that. You turned to Jimmy, who was focused on the horizon.

“Why are you whispering?” You replied…in a whisper. Jimmy turned to you, giving you a warm smile,

“Because, It’s all so perfect, I don’t wanna ruin it” You closed your eyes. He was right, the field you both rested on was quiet, the leaves sang quietly on the trees, and the sound of cicadas followed. You’ve always wondered what it would be like to live in a big city, or by the seaside…but with your mother’s shortage of money, those dreams were as unrealistic as you wanting to be an artist. Letting out a sigh, it was quiet again…that was until Jimmy decided to clear his throat.

“We should get going” Jimmy said in defiance,

“But I don’t wanna” Your response came out as a child’s whine.

“Me neither” Jimmy chuckled, propping himself up with his shoulders,

“But we gotta.” Jimmy was right, the sky was setting and your mom specifically asked you to be home before the stars came out.

“I can’t wait to be 18…so I can runaway” You said, wiping the dust off your ripped jeans,

“Y/N, you’re only 12… and plus, you should be happy you got both parents…consider yourself lucky.” Jimmy giggled.

You both walked out of the open field, and headed down the trail you and Jimmy made.

“Bobby made fun of me again, he called me lobster boy” Jimmy was never the one to open up about his feelings, but after years of reassurance that you weren’t judgemental, he finally opened up.

You knew about his hands, and honestly, you didn’t care. You don’t remember how you met Jimmy, but you were happy that you did.

“Tell him to stick one up his ass” You replied, rather irritated.

“Y/N, language” Jimmy teased,

“A lady shouldn’t speak like that,” he continued.

“Well I’m no ordinary lady then?” Jimmy shook his head,

“No you’re not…but that’s why you’re my best friend” He smiled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder,

“You’re really leaving Jimmy?” You promised him you wouldn’t be sad, you promised him you would stay strong, but how could you stay strong if he wasn’t going to be there with you along the way?

“Yeah…it sucks, I wish I could take you in one of my suitcases” He said, embracing you closer into his hold,

“I think I could fit” You both chuckled, but it soon faded into a mournful atmosphere. The walk stayed silent, usually the silence between you two was always comfortable…but today, knowing that was the last time you would sit under the same tree you went to for 3 years…it was languishing.  

You were steps from his home that was now just a house without furniture.

“My mom’s gonna miss you” He said, breaking the silence,

“She really likes you.”

“Tell her I’m gonna miss her too, and that I wish her the best of luck at her new job” You replied.

“Oh! I got you something!” Jimmy said, before running back into his house. You waited with a smile as you heard him shuffle throughout the house.

“Here,” Jimmy said breathlessly as he jumped the last step. He placed a small box in your hand that had your name on it written on the bow.

“Open it!” Jimmy’s outburst made your heart jump,

“Jeez, do that again and I wont be able to do anything!” You retorted, grasping at your heart, dramatically.

You pulled out the ribbon and removed the top of the box.

In it was two necklaces’, connected with a broken heart charm. The gold letters that were engraved were;

“Best Friends Forever”

Jimmy took one half of the heart and put it around his neck,

“See, now if we wear this forever we can find each other…eventually” Jimmy took the other half and motioned you to turn around; speechless you did what he asked.

His hands snaked around your shoulders and placed the necklace on your neck.

“Do you like it?” Jimmy asked from behind you.

You turned around,

“I love it, thank you so much!” You ran to Jimmy and wrapped him in an embrace, feeling his arms instantly hug you back,

“I’m really gonna miss you Jimmy” You said, finally letting the tears fall freely down your cheeks,

“And I’m gonna miss you more” Jimmy whispered, kissing your forehead,

“Why are you whispering again?” You asked, pulling away from the embrace.

“Close your eyes” He instructed.

Hesitantly, you closed your eyes. The sudden silence made you curious, and wondered if Jimmy left.

“Jimmy?” You called, as the urge to open your eyes grew. The silence stayed.

The heat from a presence hit your skin, and hands cupped your cheeks, in less than a second your lips were connected with his. His hair tickled your forehead, and his breath warmed your skin. Butterflies danced in your stomach as you felt the kiss slightly deepen. Slowly, he pulled away.

It felt as if those butterflies reached up your throat and held your tongue, because you were rendered speechless.

“Always remember me ok?” He said, removing his hands from your skin, but not before slowly grazing it with his thumb.

“Okay” You whispered, feeling his touch finally leave your skin for good.


“A freakshow?” Your friend snarled,

“Why would you wanna go to one of those?” You couldn’t answer, you didn’t know yourself as to why you wanted to go…but nevertheless you wanted to.

“Because, now c’mon! It’ll be fun” You flashed her a toothy grin as you waved the tickets in her face.

“Alright fine” she groaned, grabbing one.

“Even though you’re 25 you’re an ass driver” Your friend said, getting out of the car,

You ignored her remark and jogged to her,

You handed your tickets and made your way to the almost vacant set of seats. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, everything you’ve heard is true, all that has been advertised is here, under this tent”

A lady, who was in fact Jimmy’s mother, stepped on stage and recited her speech as if practised for hours. The sight of his mother brought memories back, you longed to know how Jimmy was doing.

The sound of your friend’s laughter distracted you from her speech,

“Stop laughing” You warned,

You turned back to Ethel on the stage,

“From jungles untamed to forest enchanted. From the Dark Continent to the spice-laden lands of India. Astounding mistakes of nature, are gathered here, for your amusement and your edification”

“See” Your friend said,

“They want us to laugh,” she snorted; you ignored her lack of decency and remained focused on the show.

The show was filled with acts of the underestimated, and laughter’s filled the air from their cheesy yet humorous jokes.

“Now, for our next performer—lobster boy!” Your longing to know how Jimmy was soon became short as he walked on stage.

Out of all the ways you could of reunited, at a coffee shop, on the streets or even at a park…you reunited with Jimmy darling at a freak show—and he was one of them.

His juggling act was enthralling; he concentrated on the baseballs as he added more. With a strong finish, he gave the crowd of four a bow.

His eyes, leaving the floorboard to your eyes, brought the same feeling in your stomach as the first time he kissed you. Shock was evident on his face, he stayed frozen, consuming the same matter you were.

Standing up, you watched Jimmy jump from the stage down to the audience floor.

“Jimmy?” You called, allowing the smile you tried hiding to show on your face.

“Y/N,” he replied, your heart began to race as he stopped in front of you.

“It’s really you” He said with a chuckle, 

“i’ve missed you,” your heart warmed from his  expression of emotion, it reminded you of how much he trusted you. 

“I see you’ve been doing good, lobster boy” You teased,

“Well juggling isn’t the only thing I can do with my hands” he pointed out, wiggling his eyebrow,

“You’re disgusting” You giggled, 

“Call me what you want” He smirked. In less than 5 minutes, you were both in deep conversation, talking about absolutely everything. 

“Do you still have that necklace?” He asked, eyeing your chest. 

“Not on me no, but it’s in my room…and my eyes are up here” You said, lifting his chin with your finger. 

“Me too” He smiled, it was a smile you missed, and it was the only smile that could make you feel better, in any situation. 

“Hey,” Jimmy said, 

“Close your eyes”

From the moment you closed your eyes, you felt his lips softly touch yours, a feeling you almost forgot. His hands cupped your face, pulling you closer. You felt like you were 12 again, on his lawn, and kissing Jimmy for the first time. You remembered that day…the singing of the leaves, and the sunset that ended that day so beautifully. You remembered counting the red leaves with Jimmy by your side, and the promise Jimmy made you make, which you undeniably kept.

He pulled away,

“I’m sorry, but I needed to do that” He chuckled as his thumb grazed your cheek—like that day.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he breathed out, 

 “I can’t say I love you, it’s been 13 years since I last loved you…but stay with me in my tent for a couple of days, meet everyone so they can finally meet the girl I’m always talking about.”

“Fuck, who am I kidding? 13 years later and you’re still on my damn mind. You were the only one who cared for me, and treated me like a person…anyone would fall in love with someone as pure as you.”

Jimmy held your hand,

“Please stay? They’re nice people, and they would love you” He whispered,

“Anyone would” he added.  

The show ended minutes earlier, you missed everything after Jimmy’s performance. You felt whole again with Jimmy, it felt as if he was in fact the other piece to your heart, and now you had the chance to see for yourself. 

“Okay” You replied, giving him a warm smile,

“But what’s with the whispering again?” You giggled, inching closer to him. Jimmy quickly pecked your lips,

“Because it’s all so perfect…I don’t wanna ruin it”


DHV HWDC IM SORRY I’M SICK AND I APOLOGIZE THAT THIS IMAGINE IS TRASH XO. It took longer to write than expected and I’m sorry again :’( hope you enjoyed!

Am I a good person? Deep down, do I even really want to be a good person, or do I only want to seem like a good person so that people (including myself) will approve of me? Is there a difference? How do I ever actually know whether I’m bullshitting myself, morally speaking?
—  David Foster Wallace, Consider the Lobster and Other Essays
Our Brooklyn Promenades (Part 12)

Summary: [Y/N] tries to figure out what Steve’s deal is. Steve gets a bit flustered. 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 2043

Warnings: just crude remarks, but those are always fun… especially when directed at Mr. America himself… And you know, sometimes you gotta be crude to be kind. I’m so lame.

A/N: I just crawled out of my bed to post this, because I promised one of my readers an update today and almost forgot about it. Doh. It’s been a long day… but here you go! :) Read Part 11 or check out the Masterlist for more.

Originally posted by captainevans

Chapter 12: Luke’s Lobster

The last time [Y/N] and Steve were together had been great, and when he held her in his arms so lovingly it made her forget about herself. He had the tendency to do that, whether he knew it or not. He was able to slow down that busy mind of hers. But after he left, it got to thinking again. Now that she was starting to see through him, she began to question the motives behind his behavior. He had purposefully changed the subject several times on their last date. Any normal person might have taken that as a hint that he did not want to talk about it, but this must mean [Y/N] wasn’t normal… And he seemed to like that, anyways. So here she was, lounging on her dark couch with the sun gently caressing her back, her iPad not-so-steadily resting one the arm of the couch, and a glass of white whine in her hand that was slowly making its way down, inside her body.

She was googling him. Again. Back when she had first met him in the laundromat, she had googled him too to make sure her suspicions were right. And of course they were. The strange guy asking for change at the laundromat really was Captain America. So once more, she wanted to find out whether or not she should trust her instinct. What was it that was special about yesterday? Or the upcoming week? The Google search was not as easy as she thought it would be, but a whole lot of reading about the great American savior and a couple of glasses of wine later she found a connection. Peggy Carter. She was rumored to have been a past lover. There was no actual confirmation, just a whole lot of interested fans conspiring about his love life. She even found a section that was devoted to the new mystery girl in his life, and [Y/N] got a little sidetracked when she saw pictures of herself. Pictures -taken by onlookers- of them walking, holding hands, sucking face. Guess he had a good reason not to want to get too… distracted out on the street. Anyways, Peggy Carter. As it turned out, the upcoming week marked the two-year anniversary of her death. That must make it meaningful somehow. Last time Steve and [Y/N] spoke, he seemed fixated on the date. It must mean something, and she was determined to find out more. Also, [Y/N] considered changing jobs to that of a private investigator. She was pretty damn good at this.

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This morning i had the surge of inspiration to make an Arai Beetle from Cyan’s new game, Obduction, which recently had a PS4 release as well. After hunting down some reference photos, I started to work building. Four hours later, this is the end result.

Shaping is pretty accurate except for the tail, which i couldn’t find the right parts to make properly lobster shaped. Coloring… is not accurate at all XD I just don’t have the right parts in the right colors.

The back and middle legs have EIGHT friction extender joints. The whole back tail is centered on one balljoint, terrifyingly enough! The wings (Which are removable) are articulated by a G2 Bionicle Gearbox, and the head has three joints for which it can move around on!

And speaking of the head, yes that is a Visorak head piece :33 the jaw is from one of the Hero Factory “Brain Attack!” wave monsters.

Multiple people asked for it, so here it is! Soulren Marks part 2!

3 months later—-

I strolled down the street, a wide grin spread across my face. I was going to meet with my four new favorite people, to discuss ‘Soulren Marks’ and who they may be.

I still found their clueless thoughts quite amusing, seeing as they all were extremely intelligent. I was going to wait for the perfect moment to tell them who I am. But, I was scared honestly. Women weren’t exactly expected to be writers. They want us to all be submissive wife’s who clean their house and bear their children.

I intend on being successful, which is why I haven’t let any man court me yet. I need to make my path clear as Soulren Marks. I am just grateful that one of my best friends’s husband is the owner of the largest newspaper in New York. He respects me and publishes my writings under my pen name. 

I saw the boys sitting outside of the tea shop soon enough, and I waved softly.

Alexander waved me over swiftly, holding up one of my newest articles. The rest of the boys just watched me, warm smiles on their faces.

I took a step forward, only to feel a strong hand catch around my wrist. I turned my head slightly to see a member of the English army, red coat and all, clasping my wrist. I stood up straight, making my body seem as large as possible, even though this man was maybe five inches taller than me.

The four boys I had grown close too stiffened, and Lafayette rose to his feet slowly.

“Um, can I help you sir?”

“You can help me by coming to spend some time with me.”

“I’m afraid that is not necessary sir. Could you please leave me alone?”

“I see no ring on your finger. And to not be married at your age, I presume early 20′s, you must be a prostitute.”

This man did not just call me a prostitute. He may be a member of that damned king’s army, but he must at least have some morals.

“Let go of my arm right now you Lobster Back.” I sneered, keeping my face forward. Suddenly, the British soldier had my face in one of his hands, and turned my head sharply to look at him.

“You are a woman. You have no right to speak to me that way.”

“I have all the rights in heaven and hell to speak to you that way you bastard.” I snarled back, yanking my head away from his grasp.

A hand connected with my face, the impact throwing me onto the ground. My satchel flew to my right, and my soft grey dress fanned out underneath me.

In an instant, Alexander, Hercules, John, and Lafayette were at my side. John and Lafayette helped me to my feet, while Alexander and Hercules screamed in the soldiers face. 

All eyes were on us, as we were in the middle of the street, starting this argument. I stood in between John and Lafayette, rubbing my cheek and watching as Alexander backed the soldier into a wall.

They yelled back and forth, until one sentence caught me off guard.

“So she is a prostitute! That is the only way she can have so many men rush to her aid! Stupid whore!”

That was it. I had enough.

“If you knew who I truly was, you would be trembling in your boots along with the rest of your ignorant battalion!” I shouted, stepping forward. 

I was enraged by what this man was saying. He was a disrespect to any soldier of any army, and was just a scum of mankind.

“Stop speaking like Soulren Marks you whore! You’re stupid revolutionary writer is not going to back some prostitute!” He yelled back, rising to his feet and pushing Alexander to the ground. 

“What if I told you I was Soulren Marks! Would you believe me, or call me a stupid woman like you have been for the past few minutes?” I shouted, catching the attention of everyone on the street with the name of my writer persona.

“Y-You’re Soulren Marks?” A man asked, taking a step towards the commotion. 

I nodded, my eyes connecting with the mans. I watched his eyes dilate, realization striking through him. He stormed forward, grabbing the soldier by the collar.

“How dare you disrespect Soulren Marks!” He shouted, causing the street to erupt into a roar. People stormed out of the shops, getting closer.

“How can you believe this woman? Women don’t write! Women are inferior!”

“Lies! (Y/N) is an honestly girl. The entirety of New York knows this! We believe her!” A lawyer who operated down the street from my house shouted, throwing a smile my way.

The four of my friends pulled me away from the commotion, allowing the townspeople to handle the soldier.

“Is it true Mon Ami? Are you really Soulren Marks?” Lafayette asked, staring down at me.

I nodded softly, looking up to meet for pairs of excited eyes. Alexander suddenly pulled me into a hug, babbling about how he adored my writing.

John pulled me away from Alexander’s grasp, taking one of my hands in his own.

“I’m-We’re sorry for not stepping in sooner (Y/N). I mean, we know you can handle yourself, but that was a British soldier. What if more showed up? It was Hercules who finally decided when it was time to step in.” John said, looking down.

I squeezed his hand softly, smiling up at him.

“You boys couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you all so much.” I beamed, leaning up to kiss each boys cheek. They obviously enjoyed it, cause a blush dusted each of their faces soon afterwards

“So, should we go sit down? You have a lot to explain (Y/N).” Hercules said, holding out his arm. I took it gingerly, allowing him to lead me over to a table.


Due to an incident that occurs a few days ago, my true identity has come to light. 

My name is not Soulren Marks, but is actually (Y/N) (L/N). 

Yes, I am a woman. 

No, that doesn’t mean you need to stop this strong uprising for the revolution. I will still be one of your catalysts. Woman or man, Soulren Marks is a collective mind, not just one of my own. Marks’s name is tied to each and every man and woman who understand how important this revolution is.

I will continue to write my articles long into the revolution, and I strongly encourage men to sign up for the Continental Army. Our nation needs the largest and strongest army as possible to win this war.

Keeps your heads high, and your hearts strong dearests, for the revolution has begun, and may we show England what consequences it has to disrupt our lives. 

Share with me your secrets

A/N another requested by B :) - This a non romantic attempt between Jason and Tim’s s/o

“14 dollars?” You glanced around the bar as your boyfriend’s brother yelled at the bartender

“Is it magic fucking whiskey?”

“No sir.”

“Does a motorcycle come with it?”

“No sir.”

“Okay but seriously is it going to be served in Jesus’ shoe?”

You offered the man a sympathetic look, honestly you didn’t understand why it was $14 for whiskey, nor did you care but at this point you just wanted to leave.

“Come on Jason,  just get something else.” You whined

“Fine, I’ll take your fourteen fucking dollar whiskey and you better hope it cleanses my fucking sins.” Jason growled and you quietly ordered a water.

“Oh come on Y/N you’re of age now. Fuck it get them a sin cleansing whiskey too!”

The bartender nodded and started up filling your glasses.

“Now if my wife kills me, I won’t be the only one regretting this shit.” He muttered

“I already am, Tim’s overworking and over caffeinated again.” You whined remembering the last time ended up with an impromptu dolphin friend.

Jason chuckled “I remember dealing with that.”

“How?! Share with me your secrets.”

“I either gave him sleeping meds or had Damian chase him around. We found him asleep on top of a bookcase after that.” Jason reminisced

You laughed “Speaking of sleeping, have your wife’s dreams gotten better?”

He groaned in response “Nope, I think she’s been cursed or watching some weird as shit because she woke up screaming how she was a lobster about to be eaten by a giant octopus.”

“What?” You looked at him with a confused look

‘Trust me that’s a tame one, she’s sleeping as we speak now so this shit better help me get through tonight’s.” Jason reached for the glasses and passed you one.

“Shouldn’t be too long now right?” You asked “Just yesterday you, Tim and Dick assembled the bedroom.“

He nodded “One month.”

“That’s exciting, it’s almost over.” You sipped on the whiskey, you grimaced as it left your mouth dry.

“You better finish that, I paid $14 dollars for that.” Jason said as he pointed at your face, before drinking some of his

“God my wife is going to kill me for wasting money on this shit.” He remarked but continued to drink it.

acclimation - minkey

~9.4k words, modern supernatural au, fluff

side jongyu, continuation of this prompt

Kibum meets a werewolf on the bus and they’re kind of a perfect match. Kibum falls (in multiple ways) without even noticing it. But maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe.

hi guys! this is just a really quick update with something I’ve had kind of done for a month. I was saving it for this moment because I knew I’d be busy; I really wanted to post a jongtae I’ve been working on today but it totally just got way longer so that may be another week or so. I’m so sorry for the inactivity but yeah I’m swamped right now. also I apologize for any pacing issues/typos because my beta is also starting school and I didn’t want to bug her uwu

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You're My Lobster- A Joshifer One Shot

I sit back on my heels, leaning forward and staring down into the white toilet bowl beneath my face. As I pull down the handle, I watch the toilet water filled with remains of my dinner swirl and disappear. I sit up and wipe my mouth with the sleeve of the green and beige flannel I’m wearing. I walk over to the mirror looking at my frizzy waves going in every direction and my red puffy eyes behind my glasses. I pull back my hair into a little ponytail and splash cool water on my face. As I pat my face dry, I hear Pippi’s little paws patter against the tiled floor.

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Mask from dream is a sensate - must not deny myself experiences.
I wonder what pain and fear feel like.
Used people to experience extreme emotions.
Archgeneral with lobster claws.
Enslave a demon, corrupt a shrine guardian for funsies.
Refer to self as the Outsider/Aberrant. Knew innately that I was outside the rules/system.

Minnis McDougan - rich Scotsman, speaks Kessen. Rich artist? Those Lion statues aren’t going to build themselves
mask with brain tattoo-

halo of light, makes strange eldritch machines that should not be. Must obtain as much power as super humanly possibly. Batshit technosorcery going one wing angel.

Multiarmed creature making masks, putting them onto dolls, halo of virtue, glorious beard. Planet has predatory eyes, IT SEES ME.

Fork shows me a minor drama that happened in someones life involving a fork.

—  Addition Excerpts from our campaign notes

anonymous asked:


It’s the entire context of that I love you that’s killing me, anon. By now, after so long in the relationship, he must have told her he loves her a million times, sap that he is. 

He would wake up every morning beside her and stroke her cheek, letting his fingers run through her hair, and the moment she would open her eyes, he would tell her he loved her, making sure that’s the first thing she heard every morning for the rest of her life. 

He would lay beside her every night, after the grueling day they’ve both had, and tell her he loved her all the more for just being her, falling in love with her more every day, making sure she knew that everything she did in that day only made him more hers. And in between that morning and that night, there would be hundreds of moments - like when she would pout at him or crack her knuckles getting ready to work or victoriously grin at him; moments where she would do something so her, and with absolutely no thought or artifice that he wouldn’t be able to help himself and tell her he loved her. 

Maybe he did it just with his eyes sometimes when they were with an audience, or with a secret physical touch he knew she’d understand, but he would make sure she knew. 

This, now, is everything. This context. 

He’s holding her gaze, keeping his attention unwavering on her eyes, keeping her focus on him even as panic and desperation and rage battle inside him. He’s ignoring them, focusing on nothing but her, and making her ignore it, making her focus on him using everything he is. 

He’s putting his hand on the glass, showing her that these hands have loved her in every way, worshiped her in every way, and they will protect her in every way. The hand that aims his bow and caresses her skin, the hand that would put a ring on her finger, that hand in right there, telling her he is right there, all bare for her.

And he’s whispering.

He’s whispering their “hey”. Because they both know his “hey” is lot more. It’s this. 

The “hey” which he knows always calms her down, the “hey” which always tells her she’s not alone and he’s right there with her, seeing whatever through, just being. 

And then he whispers the “I love you”. 

We haven’t seen Oliver actually tell her “I love you” this entire season, which makes this even more profound. And he’s whispering. Whispering like he’s on the other side of the glass with her, short of breath, telling her the one irrefutable fact of his entire existence, making sure she knows.

This moments is so profound because Oliver is not simply telling Felicity he loves her. 

He’s stating it, declaring it, promising it, all in one small breath. 

He’s speaking with his body, right from his soul.  

And she cries it back, like she’s on his side of the glass, not gasping for air. 

If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

How To Piss Me Off

Walk slow in front of me in a pair and take up the whole damn sidewalk

Follow-up my story of hardship with your much “worse” story of hardship

Eat French fries in front of me and not give me any

Enter the subway with your pushy asshole hands when I’m trying to enter it

Constantly clear your disgusting fucking throat

Write an Internet think piece about how not racist you are and it’s so racist

Write an Internet think piece that has the self-awareness of a piece of dryer lint entering a class 20 minutes late drinking Starbucks

Send me a You-Tube video more than 3 minutes long

Say “not to be a devil’s advocate” and then cross your freak legs and lean back and start farting the word INTELLECTUAL

Spread your legs on the subway cuz you need some extra leg room for your flabby dick

Scream “NO SPOILERS” when all I do is mention a tv show, jeez I KNOW the rules

Talk about your social media presence

Start trying to interject when I’m making an argument by going BUT BUT BUT loudly over me like a car horn

The second you start launching into a story of how crazy a girl is I am just so out

Making fun of anybody for the band or tv show or movie they like you jackass you don’t own personal taste

If you are a dressing room you piss me off

When you split the bill eight ways and you get the check and have to handle all the money which of course is 8000 dollars under because of your one slimeball friend who goes “well, I only had a lobster and a solid gold latte so here’s 3 pieces of Werther’s Original and I also am taking 4 bucks back”

So help me God if you tell me to smile on the street I will end you

Anybody who speaks when my show is on

Say “As a man” my ears bleed off

Not Today, Sir, Not Today!

So look, I spent many a high school year envying those girls who “glisten” instead of sweat–who could burn through our soccer workouts and work every bit as hard as the rest of us but not end a workout lobster red and drenched in sweat. I’m not one of those girls. And, to top it off, quick dry shirts make my chest break out, so I can’t wear them. 😩

Today, I was walking out of the gym after a particularly intense body combat workout (literally dripping sweat and practically maroon I was so red), and some guy walking in said to his friend, while looking right at me and speaking loud enough for me to hear, “Damn dude, she sweats like a man. That shit is gross.”

Something like that would have so badly humiliated me–even just a few years ago. It was one of the reasons I was hesitant to ever join a gym. But today, my immediate gut response wasn’t shame. It was pride. Hell yeah, I’m sweating my ass off. I worked hard. I earned that sweat. And, I did it for me. I couldn’t possibly care less what some guy thinks. And, I caught myself SMILING and just raising an eyebrow at him, and I was so freakin proud of myself. I wanted to go back and play the whole thing over for younger me and say, “See?! WHO CARES what people say? Just do what you want and it will feel great.”

anonymous asked:

Olicity and thea/roy double date

“Oliver,” Felicity whispers, “you said you’d try to be nice.”

He leans forward so his head is hidden behind her menu as well. “And I’m trying.”

“Well, try harder.”

“Any harder and I’ll crap fairy dust.”

She tries not to smile and instead goes for a stern look. “Oliver.”

“Fine,” he grumbles.

She drops her menu back on the table and beams brightly at Thea and Roy sitting across from them. “Sorry about that. What are we having?”

“Depends,” Roy says. “Who’s paying?”

“Ollie,” Thea states, still perusing her menu.

“Lobster,” he says immediately.

Oliver shoots her a look.

Be nice, she mouths back.

Oliver plasters a fake grin and speaks through his teeth, “One? Or two?”

“I’m a growing boy. Two will do it.” His slight smile slips off his face when he sees Oliver’s face. “Or one. I’m not really that hungry.”

Felicity places her hand on Oliver’s thigh under the table, and he sighs. “Two lobsters sound fine.”


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