our last goodbye
yeah i am Very emotional about the thought of robert thinking this is his last night with aaron, join me (if you dare and ooo bring tissues!)
It’s late, there’s boxes everywhere and Robert watches Aaron as he brushes his teeth in the bathroom, toothbrushes are basically the only thing they haven’t boxed away yet. It’s nothing really, in the grand schemes of Amazing Things Aaron Has Done but just the way he delicately strokes his hands across this stupid cape Robert used to parade around in is just … enough. Robert’s heart practically leaps out of his chest and won’t stop aching as he feels the foam of toothpaste become too acidic for his mouth to bare. So he spits out, takes his eyes off away from Aaron just for a second and he chastises himself for doing so.
Not long now you idiot, don’t turn away from him.
He knows he can’t, he knows he has to hold onto every second of this, every single second because, it’s not like he’s getting to have another with Aaron is it?
Aaron finally looks up and Robert feels something settle in his chest, it’s maddening, how dizzy just one look from Aaron makes him.
“Ya want to go bed now?” Aaron says, itches the side of his face and then looks at Robert standing awkwardly in the doorway. “Ya alright, ya seem a bit … off.” He can’t place it, hasn’t been able to since Robert suggested they sacked getting hammered in their new home for a chat.
Robert knew he wasn’t good at feelings and talking, didn’t understand the urgency, didn’t want to more importantly.
Robert nods his head, pulls a face which is meant to tell Aaron he’s tired and just that. Aaron stands, pats at his jeans and then rubs a hand down his thigh, flickers of dust circle the air and then he smiles. “Well good looking at all that of yours.” He says, head towards the boxes Diane showed him. “Didn’t realise you had always been a geek.“
Robert tries to laugh, so desperately but he just can’t do it right. It comes out forced, like the laugh he gives to the snobby client who he just wants a deal from. It’s hollow, filled with nothing and he hates how Aaron seems to notice just a little, the flicker in his eyes gives the game away. Why is it so easy for Aaron to buckle, to let his feeling show? Sometimes Robert wants to hate him for it, wants to really hate him but of course he fails at that too. He can’t blame Aaron for his own ability to lie and lie and lie and become numb to his own actions, and their consequences.
"Right well uh, mind the boxes yeah?” Aaron says as he passes, hands firmly gripping Robert’s upper arms and squeezing as if he’s trying to find balance in Robert as he goes by him. How ironic, Robert thinks, considering he’s about to throw everything Aaron knows completely off balance, he’s going to ruin it all.