that last one is so gross

does anyone else with cptsd or bpd get these moments where you’re just lying or sitting and suddenly you’re having this feeling that feels like the worst feeling ever, it’s not panic or depression or anxiety, it kinda feels like guilt and you feel so gross and you just wanna rip your skin off, anything, to get rid of this feeling? It just makes you feel like you’re gonna throw up?

and it doesnt even last long, its just that when you feel it its the worst, and you dont feel like you can take this feeling for one more second?

i have had this since i was like 8 but it has been worse lately and its just The Worst

  • D.Va: I'm the one with the active military rank here, Morrison, so don't you pull that "sir" shit with me! I've been in serious combat! I'm a respected soldier among my peers!
  • Soldier 76: Didn't you have to eat a gross jellybean every time your mech exploded last week?
  • D.Va: ...that's between me and Twitch chat.

So I just re watched last week’s episode and the part where she was rubbing aladins arm has me scratching my head. How has no one in the history of the show been sexually attracted to the evil queen? I would let her torture me. I would let her commit vile atrocities to my body. I would volunteer my face to be her throne. I mean jfc, treating the evil queen like she is gross is just insulting to my eyeballs, my fantasies, sensibility, and it hurts my lady parts.

how would you feel ; riarkle

summary: the four times farkle doesn’t say he loves riley, and the one time he does.
author’s note: my computer is being so irritating so i had to post this w my phone so sorry if the formatting is gross!!!!! the formatting on ao3 is fine and the link to my ao3 profile is in my bio.


It’s freshman year and Riley is trying out for cheer, again. Even though she made it last year, she still wasn’t satisfied with her “pity acceptance” and vowed to make it this year (I have to prove myself this time Farkle. We’re in high school now, it’s the big leagues), but for real this time.

The whole gang was going to come and support her again but everyone besides Farkle was preoccupied. Lucas and Zay had football practice, Maya had independent art study with Mr Turner, and Smackle was tutoring Yogi in biology. Farkle also had plans, the robotics club was about to make a huge breakthrough with their most recent endeavor, but when he saw the way her face fell when everyone bailed, he couldn’t do that to her. He knew that if she knew he had somewhere else to be, she would make him go, so he made sure she felt like his number one priority. At least, that’s what he told Smackle when she accused him of having feelings for her (again).

“She’s our friend, Smackle. My best friend actually, and I promised her I would be there for her. Always.”

“I thought I was your best friend, dearest? Match made in heaven?”

“You’re my girlfriend. There’s a difference.”

Smackle pretended his comment didn’t sting, and didn’t question it further.


He was gathering his stuff from his locker when she anxiously floated over to him the day of the try outs. She looked adorable in her high ponytail, pom poms in hand. Not that he noticed.

“Farkle, I’m so beyond nervous!” Her words zoomed off her lips as they walked to the gym. “I’ve been working with Zoe all summer, you know that, but what if it’s not enough? These girls have made this their lifestyle and I only started this summer. I want this so bad, my head could burst.”

“Riley,” he paused, stopping them and grabbing her hand, platonically, “You’re going to be great. You have never failed at anything you put your mind to. Don’t freak out, Riles. I’m going to be in those bleachers cheering you on the whole time.”
She looked up at him with her big, doe eyes, “Always?”

His heart broke at the sight of her vulnerability so he squeezed her hand, “Always.”

Her try out went great, he knew it would. She danced and laughed and even though she tripped at least seven times, she had more cheer than anyone there. He reminded her of that when they sat outside of the school waiting for their ride as she cried into his shoulder. As she cried, he held her tighter than ever before. Platonically.

The results got posted the next day and Farkle picked Riley up in his dad’s car even earlier than Cory could have taken her so they could wait outside and eat bagels. She wanted to be the first one to see the list, and for Farkle to be the second. When the school finally opened, Riley ran to the bulletin board outside of the gym before Farkle could even make it two feet inside. When he got to the bulletin board, she was standing in front of it, motionless.

“Riles,” he began cautiously.

“I, I made the team,” she whispered as if she didn’t even believe the words coming out of her own mouth.

It took him exactly .2 seconds for him to run to her and sweep her into his arms. She giggled wildly as he lifted her off the ground and twirled her around, embracing her as they celebrated this triumph.

Setting her down but not letting go of her, they looked at each other from a dangerously close perspective. His breath was heavier than he ever wanted it to be when he was around her, and her face was flushed pink with something she could only describe as pure exhilaration. Of course, at the time, she blamed it on the good news.

“Riley,” he paused, I love you,“I’m so proud of you.”

Her eyelashes fluttered as she looked at him in a daze, I love you too “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

That night, he thought about the words he thought in that moment of pure bliss and reminded himself that it was platonic. They had said it a thousand times.

So why could he not say it then?


Freshman year quickly turned into sophomore year and sophomore year brought more challenges than any of them could imagine.
After the London Debacle the six had faced at the end of the last school year, Riley and Lucas had decided to stay broken up and a long three months later, Lucas and Maya had decided to put themselves, and everyone else, out of their misery and try dating again. They were now almost four months in things had settled. They were happy. Everyone was happy. Until the night that Smackle became very unhappy.

“Really, Smackle, I can leave. I don’t want to get in the way. I shouldn’t have come anyway.”

Smackle and Farkle were having a fairly innocent make out session in Farkle’s room when Riley barged in with bags full of snacks and all of the back to the future movies in hand. Ever since Maya and Lucas had started dating, Farkle had been there for her to lean on and she naively didn’t notice the effect it had on Farkle and Smackle’s relationship. That is, she didn’t realize it until she saw poor Smackle freaking out on Farkle.

“No, Riley, you’re fine,” Farkle said for the umpteenth time that night. Riley could very clearly see that things were not fine, that she was most certainly was not fine and that she should leave, so why did she believe him? Why did she take her word for it and sit there, knowing it was only making things worse?

Smackle scoffed, “Classic.”

Farkle’s finger were going to town on his temples, trying to soothe his mind in anyway possible, “Isadora, if you have something to say then say it.” He never called her by her full name.

“Fine,” she began, stronger than a bull, “If you want to really hear it then here it goes. Riley is using you, Farkle, and you’re letting it happen because you’re too nice. Ever since Lucas and Maya started dating she has needed someone to be there for her 24/7 and you became that person. But guess what, babe? I need you to be that person because you’re my boyfriend,” she paused and turned to Riley, “You hear that? My boyfriend. I get that things have been hard for you Riley but things get hard for everyone and you’re not the center of the universe. You don’t have dibs being treated right and you definitely don’t have dibs on being treated perfectly by my boyfriend.”

“You don’t get to talk to her like that, Smackle!” Farkle’s hands were balled and his neck was bright red. Riley had only ever seen him like that the time that Maya’s dad showed up drunk to one of her art shows over the summer. He was always the first one to start swinging for his girls but she wasn’t going to let that happen tonight. Smackle was right, she was being selfish.

“Farkle! Enough!” Riley yelled as she stood up and walked in between them, facing Farkle. “She’s right. I mean, for God’s sake it’s a Friday night and I barged in here with no warning just assuming you’d be available. That’s selfish, Farkle. Don’t defend me. Your relationship with Smackle is more important than my bruised ego. I’m going to go now,” she turned to Smackle, “I really am sorry, Smackle. I hope you can forgive me and realize that I never meant to hurt anyone,” she paused for a moment to gather herself, “Right, I’m gonna go now. So sorry. Ok, bye,” and with that, she slipped out the door and slid down against it, letting her head fall into her palms.

What the hell is wrong with you, Matthews? Get it together.


She woke up the next morning with a knock on her bay window.

Groggily and even more clumsily than normal, she made her way from her bed to open it up and let whichever one of her friends had decided to disturb her slumber this time. However, when she saw it was Farkle, she instantly sobered up.

“It’s seven am, what are you doing here?” She asked with a yawn.

He scooted in and sat next to her, head in his hands, “Smackle dumped me exactly six hours and forty seven minutes ago. After you left we kept talking and then talking turned to arguing some more and then arguing turned to tears and tears turned to slammed doors. I can’t believe I messed things up with her so bad.”

Riley’s heart broke at the sight of him. Now that she was really paying attention, she noticed that he was wearing the same outfit as yesterday and his hair was sticking up in every direction besides the one it was supposed to be.

She sighed and put her arm around him, resting her head against his crouched frame, “I’m so sorry, Farkley. This is all my fault. Do you want me to talk to her?”

He laughed dryly, “Actually, I feel like you’re the last person she wants to talk to. Well, second to last, actually. I think you’ve finally beaten me at something,” he joked as she playfully shoved him.

The two sat in silence for a little bit, just enjoying the heat of each other’s bodies.

“Are you wearing bunny pajamas?” He asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“Excuse me for not expecting company at seven am.”

Silence fell upon them again.

Until Farkle was, once again, the one to break it.

“It wasn’t your fault, ya know. I’m the one that kept putting everything before my relationship. Don’t feel bad about it,” his voice was a whisper and she could tell he was incredibly serious and even more so remorseful at how he handled things with Smackle.

She sighed and started fiddling with the loose strings on the friendship bracelet she made him for his birthday last year as a joke. She ignores the fact that he never took it off, “You can say it wasn’t my fault all you want but the way she looked at me just goes to show that it was. She had every right to look at me like that.”

“Riley, you’re talking as if you’re a homewrecker.”

“I might as well be. You two were the best couple I had ever seen and here I come in like a bulldozer, messing everything up.”

He laughed the littlest laugh at that, it was just so absurd for Riley to think that she was anything less than perfect, “If we truly were the best couple, then some weirdo girl in bunny pajamas wouldn’t stand a chance against us.”

This made Riley laugh and bury her head into his shoulder, which felt like a victory.

I love you, “You’re the most important person in my life,” so much, “I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.”

I love you more, All she did was smile at him and continue fiddling with his friendship bracelet.


New Years Eve was a time of revelations for the group of six. Sophomore year had finally reached the halfway mark and the friends were celebrating with another New Year’s Eve party. However, to avoid the bad luck of the eighth grade party, they had changed locations to Maya’s apartment. Katy and Maya moved in with Shawn into a much nicer place about three blocks away from Riley and it seemed like the perfect location so Zay, Smackle, Farkle, Riley, Maya, and Lucas, along with the rest of the class of 2020, set up shop and got the party going.

Midnight was in exactly three minutes when Farkle found Riley on the roof of the apartment building. It was rare how bright the stars were shining that night.

She was leaning against the railing, head dreamily placed in the palm of her hand.

“Whatcha thinking about?” He asked as he mimicked her stance.

“Just how glad I am that this year is about to be over, and all of the possibilities that next year has to offer. 2018: the year of hope.”

He smiled warmly at her optimism, it had always been one of the many things he had loved about her. But up until recently, he thought it was all strictly platonic. But, when him and Smackle broke up a month and a half go, he began to realize that he had been lying to himself all along. It was never strictly platonic. It was hardly platonic period. Farkle hadn’t just loved Riley since the first grade, he had been in love with her since the first grade and he hadn’t been able to shake the realization since. Especially not with them being alone on this rooftop and her cheeks being as red as the day he first almost told her he loved her. It was all of the almosts that made him realize that it was more than friendly. Because friends don’t need almosts.

After a little bit of silence and a whole minute of the countdown gone, Riley asked, “What are your resolutions this year, Farkle? Now remember, nothing is too big.”

He looked at her and then he looked back up at the night sky. My resolution is to get the girl. “I don’t know. What’s yours?”

Nervousness suddenly washed over her as she looked down at her glove clad hands and then back up at him, “Promise not to laugh?”

“When have I ever laughed at you?”

“Almost everyday!” She joked, causing him to laugh out loud.

“Ok, ok I promise not to laugh. But hurry up, there’s only twenty seconds until midnight.”

Between the time it took for him to finish talking and for her to build the courage to speak, the time had dropped to ten seconds. They could faintly hear the countdown from their party downstairs.

She looked at her hands and whispered quietly, “I want to fall in love.”

Five seconds.

“What?” He couldn’t hear her above the countdown.

Two seconds.

“I want to fall in love!” she screamed giddily to the streets of New York City as the party downstairs and all across the east coast screamed “Happy New Year!”

With the new knowledge of her resolution, he didn’t waste another second.

I love you. He kissed her.

I know. She kissed him back. I love you more.

Riley and Farkle weren’t dating. Unless you call him giving her rides everyday, waiting for her at her locker, and sneaking kisses under the bleachers in between classes dating. Because if that what dating was, then they were definitely doing it, and had been for the entire second half of sophomore year, the whole summer, and the first few months of junior year. But they would go to the grave saying that nothing had changed. They even said so when Farkle showed up to school with a hickey peeking through the collar of his shirt after a long weekend. The same long weekend that Riley had told Maya she was busy the entire time of.

“Hey Farkle, what’s that on your neck?” Zay asked at lunch that fateful Tuesday back at school, trying to feign innocence.

Maya sat down next to Lucas and decided to join in on the phone, “Yeah, Minkus, what is it? Did you ‘fall’ again?”

However, Farkle didn’t back down easily, and he had been playing Maya and Zay’s games for a few years now, he was no Novice. “Actually, it is. In fact, it looks just like the bruises that were all over your neck freshman year right after you and Lucas had made it official. You must have ‘fallen’ a lot too. What a cowinky dink,” he finished as he took a bite into his apple, giving a smug look to Maya who just glared in response.

“Hey guys, what are we talking about?” Riley asked as she sat down, right next to Farkle of course. “Sorry I’m late, I had to stop by my physics class and ask a question. That class is so insanely difficult it’s driving me cra-” she halted as she saw the death stare Maya was giving Farkle, “What’s happening here?”

Without looking up from his casserole, Lucas nonchalantly explained, “Farkle and Maya are slut shaming each other.”

“Are you serious? That’s the third time this week!” Riley sighed annoyingly, hitting Farkle on the arm.

“Hey! It’s not my fault that your girlfriend keeps coming at my bruises. It’s not my fault that I uh, fall down a lot.”

Maya snickered from across the table, making Farkle snap his head back to her direction.

“What’s so funny, Hart?”

She laughed harder and then tried to calm herself down, “Woo, man,” she wiped tears from her eyes, “I just think it’s hilarious how easy it is for you to call Riley my girlfriend when I’m not even the one sleeping with her.”

Suddenly, the whole table turned to a ghost town aside from Maya’s uncontrollable cackling. Riley sunk her arms and Farkle’s ears, neck, and chest turned bright pink.

“Oh my,” Smackle squeaked from next to her boyfriend of three months, Zay.

Lucas wrapped his arm around Maya and looked at the group awkwardly, “Alright honey I think that’s our cue to leave. Bye everyone,” he said as he ushered a still laughing Maya away from the table, grabbing both of their trays in the process.

“Yeah uh, Iz I think we should head out too. You promised me you find that one book in the library, remember?” Zay said, very clearly trying to make a break for it in anyway he could.

“No, I have no memory of this.”

Zay opened his eyes wider, signaling urgency. Finally, Smackle caught on, “Oh yes. That book,” she fake remembered. “Let’s go,” and, with that, they ran off after Maya and Lucas.

It was quiet for a little bit, with Farkle trying to piece together what had just happened and Riley trying to find the courage to come out of the hiding place under her arms.

“Well. At least Maya and I won’t slut shame each other anymore?” He reasoned weakly, as he stared at his unfinished peanut butter and jelly.

Riley groaned.

“Hey, I mean, this isn’t that bad,” he continued, swiveling to face her this time, “I mean, it’s not like we were keeping it a secret or anything. Were we?”

Finally, Riley uncovered her face and looked at him tiredly, “I don’t know Farkle. I mean, we’ve been together but not together for like nine months now and we’ve never even talked about what we are or what we’re doing or where we’re going. What are the rules here?”

Farkle’s mouth was dry. He never brought up the talk because he didn’t want to scare her away. Neither of them had ever been good at relationships and now that he had her in his grasp, he didn’t want to lose it.

“I didn’t realize that there were supposed to be rules,” he trailed off.

Riley scoffed and gathered her things, trying not to let the tears fall in front of him, “Yeah well you also didn’t realize that all I want is to be your girlfriend. And they call you a genius.”

And then, it was just Farkle at the lunch table, and it was his turn to hide and groan.


Over the past nine months, Farkle’s bay window visits had grown substantially in frequency, but this time he was nervous. It probably had something to do with the fact that he hated himself for ruining the best thing that had ever happened to him, but he ignored that and tapped on the locked window. She must have known that he would try to stop by.

“Go away, Farkle,” he heard Riley snap, muffled slightly by the glass.

“Please, Riley, can we just talk about this? Unlock the window, please.”

He rested his head against the window in frustration and sighed, You really did it this time, Minkus.

And then suddenly, his head was no longer on the window, but inside of Riley’s room, landing with a thump.

“Sorry,” Riley apologized, completely deadpanned and full of zero remorse.

He climbed in and rubbed his forehead, “It’s fine. I deserved that.”

She had moved back to her bed and was facing the wall in front of her instead of him, clutching a pillow, “Yeah. You did.”

Farkle then noticed that the pillow had mascara stains on it and his heart sank so deeply.

“Riley, I know I handled this whole situation, you and me, the complete wrong way. I just, I don’t know what’s wrong with me sometimes. I just got so caught up in how great things were I forgot or didn’t realize how amazing things could be if we just talked about it. I was selfish. I didn’t want things to get ruined so I strung us both along for almost a year and I’m sorry. I understand if you never want to talk to me again but,” he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, I love you, “But, please just know that I would never want to hurt you.”

Her eyes broke away from the wall and turned to him. She saw how tired he looked and it had only been three and a half hours since they had last spoke. She knew she shouldn’t let him off that easily, but she also knew she wanted nothing more than to have him hold her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

“Farkle,” she began as she moved off of her bed and next to him, clutching his hand into hers. The bracelet she had given him had lost almost all of its integrity and color, but it was still seared into his skin. “You’re not selfish. I didn’t speak up either. But being scared isn’t an excuse, for either of us. So, right here, right now, we need honesty. One hundred percent, complete, and total honesty.”

He smiled at her, “I can do that.”

Placing her free hand over their conjoined ones, she whispered, “How do you feel about me? Am I just a nine month long booty call to you?”

He scoffed, “Of course not. Are you serious right now?

She looked incredibly serious.

“Oh my God you are serious. Alright, well. No. You’re not a booty call. You never have been and you never will be. You’re my best friend, and you’re also everything I’ve ever wanted or needed out of a partner, a teammate. Riley, you’re everything to me.”

“But you told Smackle that being a girlfriend and being a best friend are different,” she asked warily.

“With her, they were. Smackle and I never had what we have. We have,” he turned to face her and grabbed both of her hands, “We have history. We have a near life long bond. For us, being best friends and being more isn’t that far of a stretch. Name one thing that is noticeably different from before.”

Riley giggled and traced the bruise on his lower neck, “Well, this is certainly a new development.”

He laughed and grabbed the hand she was using to trace the bruise and brought it to his mouth, kissing it sweetly. “Besides that, nothing has changed. We are still us. Late night movie marathons, bagel runs, and mix cds, everything that we had is still what we have. And what we have is perfect.”

“But what is it that we have? Are we dating, are we friends with benefits? What is happening?”

He looked into her eyes deeper than he ever had before and drop his voice to a more serious tone, “What do you want?”

“I wasn’t lying when I made my resolution this year. I wanted to fall in love.”

The past tense stings, “Oh, well what do you want now.”
“I don’t want anything more. I already have you,” she pauses and smiles at him, “My resolution has been fulfilled.”

His heart stops and then starts going again at a mile a minute.

“Wait so does that mean that,” he was trying to stay calm but he couldn’t help the goofy smile breaking across his face.

“Yes. I love you, Farkle Minkus,” the goofy smile mirrored on her face as they giggled ridiculously.

“I love you too. So, so much,” he held his hands and kissed her knuckles again, “Since the first grade.”

She smiled back at him, “I can’t believe it took us ten years to get here, and the whole time we were right under each other’s noses.”

“I know, and now we’re dating,” he said with his smile wide and smug.

Her eyes widened with excitement and she squeezed his hands a little tighter, “We are?”

He laughed excitedly, “If you would do me the honors then yes, I would be honored to be your boyfriend. Beyond honored actually,” he paused, “I can’t think of a word that means more than honored right at this very moment, I’m a little flustered,” Riley laughed at that, “But yeah, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Riley cheered as she wrapped her arms around her neck, pulling him in for an embrace.

They stayed like that for a little while until Farkle started giggling.

“Why are you laughing?” Riley asked as she pulled back to look at him.

“I just think it’s funny that we did everything so out of order. We kissed, had,” his voice dropped to a whisper as a joke, “sex, and said I love you all before we started officially dating. Why are we like this?”

She laughed too, resting her head against his shoulder, “Oh well, I guess. Who cares. We’re together now,” she looked back up at him smiled.

He leaned down and rested his forehead on hers, “I’m never going to get tired of saying ‘I love you’ to you.”

Smiling and leaning in to kiss him, she hummed against his lips, “I’m never going to get tired of hearing it. I mean, it took you long enough.”

“That’s really rude, I’m fragile.”

“Whatever. Shut up and kiss me.”

“I mean, if you insist.”

Expecting the Unexpected - Part 1

Pairing: Negan x reader

Summary: Reader is one of Negan’s wives, and hasn’t been feeling too well, so she takes a trip to the doc.

Warnings: vomiting (its gross so it constitutes a warning, okay?) and language

Expecting the Unexpected Masterlist

Sliding on the little black dress over your lingerie was a bit of a struggle, and you groaned under your breath. Your period was a bit late, and now you were bloated. Fantastic. Knowing it was due any minute, you decided to hurry out of Negan’s room, and out of the lingerie. You gave the man one last wistful glance, admiring his sleeping form, before slipping quietly out of his room.

You only had to walk down the hall to get to your room, and you sighed in relief as you locked the door behind you. You stripped the dress from your body, cursing again at its tightness. After taking off the lacy underwear, you found a worn t-shirt, some old jeans, and cotton underwear, and put those on. As nice as it was to be pampered by Negan, to have nice clothes and nice things, you were the type for simple things.

After changing, you realized you were hungry, so you decided to make the trek down to the canteen. It was early, almost sunrise, so you knew there wouldn’t be many people to deal with. You had a few friends that worked in the kitchen, seeing as that was your job before you agreed to be Negan’s wife.

Approaching the counter, you saw about seven or eight people running around the kitchen, determined to get their jobs done. You watched as one woman cut up vegetables and plopped them into a pot of boiling water. 

Keep reading

Last week, here in South Carolina, a little boy was shot and killed at an elementary school.

In Townville, close to Anderson, a 14-year-old boy, shot and killed his father. He then stole his dad’s truck, drove it 3 miles to an elementary school and shot two students and a teacher. One student in the foot, the other in the leg and the teacher in the shoulder. The student who was shot in the foot and the teacher ended up okay. But for the little boy, Jacob, who was shot in the leg, didn’t make it.

Jacob Hall, a first grader, loved super heros and his favorite was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. So the parents asked if everyone could wear their favorite super hero shirt the day they lay him to rest. To celebrate his life besides mourn his death and for kids to not be so afraid of death.

I finally got an aquaman shirt while I was on vacation so I wore this for you, Jacob.


I promised myself I wouldn’t go to Red Robin this week. I’m so, so close to onederland and I want to get there so bad! But, shit happens. I went to happy hour last night with my friend and we split nachos and drank a glass of wine. Ok, I had two glasses of wine. Then when I got home, I was still hungry, so I whipped up a box of Annie’s mac and cheese for me and my boo. Not my finest day. I went to bed feeling bloated, a little gross, and slightly disappointed in myself. Before I fell asleep, I was looking through some old photos and found this one (left). My jaw dropped.

Damn y'all! Look how far I’ve come!

The photo on the left was taken on my 23rd birthday, May 2015. The right is today. I love these side-by-side because they remind me that bad days are just a drop in the bucket compared to my journey overall. I have come SO FAR, not only with the numbers on the scale but with my relationship to food and exercise and my confidence in myself and my body. Feels so good 💪🏻

So even though today I’m having a bad hair day, even though my skin is breaking out like crazy, even though I had a cheat day yesterday, I feel super motivated to power through! And so good about myself and my progress!

Today my coworker asked if I was “still trying to lose weight” because I look “so skinny” - of course I said yes. I don’t talk about my weight loss at work that much because 1- everyone does and it’s kind of annoying, and 2- this has always been a hard thing for me to deal with. So when someone notices and says something, I know I really must be working hard.

I’m on track with my points today, got a free salad for lunch 🙌🏻, and am mentally prepared to have my ass handed to me at the gym tonight. Dinner is zoodles and ground turkey. I’ve got breakfast and lunch prepped for the last two days of this week. Nothing can stop me, y'all!

Hope everyone is having a good hump day and a positive week. Remember: the scale is only a small fraction of your journey. There are so many things to celebrate along the way. 🤗


More tanks/plants/fish! McKoi and his tank are doing great, which is nice. 

 The extra ten gallon is still cycling and I still need to decide: one or two female pea puffers, or a school of celestial pearl danios with some red cherry shrimp? More research required. 

 Photos 6 and 7 are the current sad state of the rotala wallichii, which deteriorated when I left for 6 days. Thankfully all the pink growing tips are new and doing well, so eventually I will trim out those nasty algae covered stems. 

Last photo is the cryptocoryne undulata, which is finally looking nice and big! (Can you spot the noodle?) The 40 gallon has been a bit gross and sad lately (the 20 long is much worse) but it will be getting a canister filter upgrade as well as an inline CO2 diffuser to go with it! Hopefully after the next two months I will be getting it back in shape.

I didn’t realize I’d written so many, but here are some of my non-romantic goth kids headcanons. They aren’t great, but who cares? I might even write more.

-Took a vow of silence when he was 13. It lasted 11 months.
-Loves Elton John. If you call him out on it, he’ll yell, “He reminds me of a simpler time!” Literally no one knows what the fuck that means, but nobody has the nerve to ask.
-Has a ridiculously weak stomach. Henrietta tried to help him by making him watch gross videos once, and he ended up puking all over her floor.
-Wants to be a philosophy professor when he grows up.
-Low-key has that “I knew about it first” attitude.
-Has genuine anger issues, even when he’s older. We all know why.

-Is not AT ALL as shy as people think he is.
-Refuses to touch greasy foods because of his acne.
-Has been thinking of a good comeback ever since Kyle called him a pussy and now has like 50 of them.
-Hid a stray dog in his room for 2 months because he wasn’t allowed to have one.
-Has an enormous bolo tie collection that he hangs on his doorknob.
-Refused to come out of his room or talk to anyone for 3 days when David Bowie died.

-Calls Michael ‘George Michael’ if she catches him listening to anything even vaguely romantic.
-Was incredibly disappointed when she learned that witches weren’t really burned in Salem.
-Has ridiculous, over the top funerals for her pets.
-Hates dogs with a passion.
-Has a notebook full of names to call her mother. Most of them include the words 'jizz’ or 'cunt’.

-Is personally offended by the existence of dubstep.
-No one brings up the emo incident anymore because he and Henrietta will literally argue for hours about it.
-Loves 'torture porn’ horror movies and knows every line of The Human Centipede movies.
-Has cuts and scars all over his hands and arms from playing with knives.


[2 .08. 17]

Hey everyone! I hope you all are stable and happy, and if not I hope you get to where you want to be ASAP! Anyway! I was sent home earlier today because of how sick I was :( So, I decided to put in some work after a nap and some snacksss. Of course I took some breaks (a lot actually haha). Since I’m sick there’s no reason to push myself really hard and then stress about still feeling gross yanno? Gotta rest up and do only what you can. Take it by little steps and breath!

So, on the top I have my AP Psych notes from class today. I had to finish them up at home though. Then under those I have a Honors Biology outline that’s due Friday (along with another one). Finally the last two are my spreads for this week! I really love bees and I think they’re super cute. I’ve been stung by one and one of my best friends are terribly allergic, but I still think they impact our society greatly. They are a big necessity!! So we gotta save + protect them :)

I think that’s all for today. Probably going to go take a nap now haha! Talk to you all again soon! Bee safe!!(haha get it?) ;)

Imagine: Victor Zsasz mornings

Originally posted by chanelroze

Request: “waking up to Victor zsasz cuddles?” ^^(cats have literally nothing to do with it but the emotions i felt writing this are the same ones i get while looking at those gross things) ((uber fluff ngl))

Requested by: @jokesterwrites

Victor Zsasz x Reader: Fluff

Warnings: All fluff, some slight suggestion

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So um I finally got into Mystic Messenger and this game has already taken over my life and I haven’t even gotten to Day 5 yet (it’s 11:00 on day 4 so only a few more hours until I find out who I got I’m trying for Zen the first time but idk if I did it right)
I have never liked these kind of games before cause normally they’re just really shitty gross dating sims but this one isn’t like that at all?? Like I had sorta heard about it and hadn’t thought twice about it at first. And then last week I saw a few posts on here again and I was like you know what fuck it if it’s stupid I’ll just delete it but it’s gotta be popular for a reason so I’ll give it a shot. And I’m glad I did cause it’s really awesome it has a really intriguing story and mystery to it and I’m looking forward to playing through all of the different ends for the next few months or however long it takes xD

Don’t You Go // 2

Summary: will tom get the girl idk read 2 find out

Requested: No but I’m Tom trash and this idea literally came out of my ass after listening to an All Time Low song (it’s called Don’t You Go, also Stella give them a listen!)

Warnings: Fluff it’s literally so gross I’m sorry

Notes: Dis the last part

You had never been the one to allow yourself to get too attached - that’s why it hadn’t hurt you when you and your ex ended your relationship at that party six months ago. It’s also why you hadn’t allowed yourself to be involved with Tom. That month you had spent together was amazing, too good to be true, almost. But, you knew what you were capable of. You knew the casualties. You never wanted to hurt Tom the way you knew you could - it scared you to even think it.  
Tom on the other hand, was beyond confused. Was far too hurt already (not that you would know, you hadn’t seen him in four months and twenty-two days… not that he was counting, of course), he couldn’t help but think about all the possible ways he might have hurt you, might have given you a reason to leave, but he couldn’t find one (spoiler: he hadn’t hurt you, he just hadn’t realized how set you were about not wanting another boyfriend).

Tom went to every party he was invited to, in hopes he’d see even a flash of your hair or catch a slight sniff of your scent, but he came up empty each time. Goddammit, why did he have to be so in love with you all these years? Why did he let it get so far? Why was he standing outside of another house, listening to a blonde woman talk his ear off about how she’d like to show him the view of LA at her place? Simple: to see you, of course. The girl he hadn’t stopped thinking about since the moment he met you four years ago. That’s all he hoped for at each of these unbearable parties. And when he finally did see you, after four months and twenty-two, well, twenty-three (was it 2 AM already?) days, he froze in place, his eyes locking with yours as he memorized the small smile that played on your lips and your sweet, regretful and apologetic eyes that bore into his, they almost looked like they were screaming at him to come up to you. As he stood up straight from where he was leaning onto his car, the blonde-headed woman wormed her way closer to him. You caught just a glimpse of their proximity before ripping your gaze off him as your heart ached just the slightest. Of course he had a new girlfriend, you had left without a word. What was he supposed to do? Mourn you as if he were a widow?  

So, you did what you thought was best. You mustered up the dignity you had left, and pranced into the house of the party that was being hosted that night, tagging along with your friends, trying to erase the image of Tom with another girl that seemed to permanently be etched into your brain.

You laughed and laughed that night, not meaning any of it. You cringed at how out of place and lost you felt. You smiled weakly at the gentleman in front of you, him trying so desperately to woo you. You hadn’t seen Tom sulking over you and the young man talking, the envy in his eyes. The hurt that reflected off of him was enough to not only break his own heart but to burst anyone else’s who dared look at him.

Tom had decided he’d had enough (around the same time you did) and walked outside for some fresh air, not realizing you followed not far behind. As you both stood outside of opposite sides of the door, not yet realizing you were so close and so alone, you began to shiver, not realizing the temperature dropping so drastically. You mindlessly looked around, taking in the scenery, before you had noticed who was not even fifteen feet away from you - the man you so desperately wanted to prove you were okay without (which of course, failed). Tom looked at you at the same time, a smile creeping its way onto both of your faces.

He beckoned you over with a nod of his head, one arm extended for you, which you hurriedly walked into, wrapping yourself fully into him. He took in your scent as you memorized the length of his back and the feel of his unruly, uncut hair.  
He was so caught up in your small reunion, he failed to remember the fact that you had left him alone in his room with a broken heart. He reluctantly pulled away and looked down at you with an unintentional scowl. You shrunk in size compared to him and felt like you were about to be scolded for doing something you really shouldn’t have done.

“What’s wrong?” You tried to play it off like you hadn’t deserted him four and a half months ago, you imagined in your world that the time when you had left him never existed, that you both would be able to carry on and continue where you’d left off. But, when has the world ever made anything easy for anyone?
“What’s wrong? After four months and twenty-three days of keeping me in the dark, not replying to my texts and my calls, all you can say is ‘What’s wrong?’” You glanced at the ground, not being able to look him in the eyes. “How about an, ‘I’m sorry, Tom’ or, even better, an ‘I’m sorry I got your hopes up and then laughed in your face when I blew them up’?” You knew it probably wasn’t easy on him when you left, but you had no idea you had hurt him this much.

“Tom, I’m–” but it was too late, he had already began walking the opposite direction. And he was going to do it, he was going to just walk away, not look back. He confronted you, he was going to start his life again. But, he couldn’t, and he knew that to be true. So, with his chest puffed out and his head held high, he turned back around and walked toward you, almost caving when he saw how broken you looked.  

“Why? Just tell me why. I need to know. What did I do? Was it something I said?” You looked up, startled he came back.  

“Tom, I-.”

“You what? You got bored of me? God, do you know how long I waited for you? I called you, I was so worried. Do you do that to all the guys you sleep with?” You knew he was mad, and he was just saying things to hurt you as much as you hurt him, but god, did that hurt. And thinking of how much it hurt only made you angry. How is he going to demand you to answer all these questions, yet not give you a chance to answer any of them?


“What? God, say something!”

“Then stop talking, dammit!” He shrunk down a little bit, surprised how loud your voice could get, not that he looked any less intimidating, he still towered over you. He stood looking at you, waiting for you to continue talking. “Finally,” you smiled a little at him, just a small amount of sadness in it, “Tom, I didn’t leave because I wanted to.” You lifted your hand to stop him from talking when you saw his mouth open to speak, causing him to close his mouth again. “I also didn’t leave because of you. As bad as this sounds, and it’s cliché and probably sounds stupid, but I left because of me. I had just left Stephen and I rushed into things with you.” You casted your eyes onto the floor before continuing.

“I couldn’t stand the fact that I could possibly be using you just to fill the void Stephen left. That maybe I just needed you to make myself feel better.” It hurt Tom to hear this, of course, but he was so desperate for you and he wanted to tell you that he wouldn’t have minded if you used him for the rest of his life, if it meant that he could be with you in any way, he would do it.

“I wouldn’t have minded.” He said it out loud before he could stop himself. He was passed desperation now, he hadn’t known the word for it, but he was sure it existed and if he were to look it up in the dictionary, he’d see his face next to it for a definition.  

You shook your head at him, lifting your eyes to meet his again, almost pleading for him to hear you better. “Tom, you deserve someone who loves you. I woke up the morning I left thinking how unfair I was to you. I was your best friend, and you were mine, and I took advantage of you. I was supposed to love you the second you punched Stephen in the face – hell, I was supposed to love you before I even met Stephen.” How long he dreamed of hearing those words, but never did he imagine hearing them in this situation, feeling them almost being negative.  

His head dropped, hanging low as he was prepared to turn around with his heart so far into his stomach, he wouldn’t have been surprised if it had completely fallen out of his body, when you spoke again, softer this time, “And I know it took me four years, but I love you, Tom.”

His head shot up, looking at you with wide eyes. Had he heard you right? His heart rate and sweaty palms made him realize he had. He took in the features and expression on your face. You looked so soft, your eyes were glassy looking, threatening to cry. He almost missed them when you put your head down.  
Every thought ran through his mind, but he wasn’t able to hear any of them because all he was able to listen to was his heart screaming at him to hold you, so he did just that. His arms wrapped around you and you pressed yourself as close to him as you could.

“Can I take you home?”  

You looked up, resting your chin on top of his chest, pulling him closer to you with your hands pressed to the nape of his neck, his arms tightening around you.

“Home… is wherever you are.”

And when he woke up the next day, and the week after that, and then the next two months, you were next to him every time. And he swore every morning he woke up to you, his heart grew, claiming your love took over every inch of him. Your love made everything feel like home.

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Frat Boy Pt. 7 (Pt. 1)

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6

Y’all this wasn’t proofread and it’s shorter than the last update, but…. you’ve all waited long enough :) Massive thank you to everyone for being so patient and I always love hearing your thoughts xx

Your eyes were gross and dry when you opened them, instantly begging to be shut against the world, closed where they wouldn’t have to try and see anything that was this bright.  And you were cold, you realized, head instantly turning around and a frown settling on your face as you took in the empty tent.  Renny’s sleeping bag was still discarded in the corner untouched from when Harry had tossed it and no one was beside you.  Had you been imagining it, then?  His warmth, the sturdiness of his body when he’d held you from your nightmare?  The horrifying dream had been a similar one and it stopped when you’d seen the glint of the knife, again.  Even when you’d thought you’d been awake last night, the Harry parts of your memory still seemed like a dream.  That is, until you heard a deep voice say “fuck off” just beyond the tent.

Perhaps you hadn’t been dreaming then?

You instantly smoothed your hair, desperately trying to untangle any knots and fizziness that had occurred in your tossing and turning, and you slapped your cheeks a bit because Renny’d said something before about how that stimulated blood flow.  Though this was coming from a girl who believed you put Vaseline on eyelashes, so- your hands dropped.

You groaned a bit when you stretched your stiff limbs and with a grimace made the effort to dig through your bag wedged in the corner to throw on a fresh t-shirt.  A little excitement bubbled in you and quickened your actions as you tugged on the fresh white blouse.  Your old shorts were going to have to do, because you weren’t going to risk Harry walking in on you.  You took a step to leave, and stopped.  You listened for a few solid seconds and there wasn’t much movement towards your tent and low accents seemed far enough away…Guess you could change if you were super fast in stripping.  You quickly shimmied out of your shorts and were left in just your knickers when you reached for the jeans in the very back corner.  You huffed as you leaned even farther, the stupid backpack was lodged under the sleeping bag and your head was hitting the side of the tent.  You were too lazy to stay in the hunched-back position, palms hitting the floor as if you were stretching, and you cringed when you felt the burn in the back of your thighs.  You really should’ve gone to yoga with Renny.  But if you just inched your hands a little more-

And that was when you heard the unzip of the tent.


You jumped, head hitting one of the metal rods in the process, and you pulled the flowy blouse down as far as it could go as you whipped around to see a very shocked-

“Zayn!” you squeaked. He blinked hard, twice, still immobile at the entrance, eyes instantly looking anywhere but you.  But his feet were still glued to the floor.

“Shit- sorry,” he spluttered, and he finally turned with a blush, completely flustered.  He even faltered for a moment after turning around before actually leaping away from the entrance with a quick shake of his head. You struck a hand to your face and it dragged down as you cursed yourself for ever believing life would favor you for one freaking second.  You jumped again when a hand pushed its way through the entrance.

“ZAYN! IT’S OCCUPIED!” you screeched, completely incredulous.

“No, I know, don’ worry, jus’ tryin’- tryin’ t’get it-” he zipped the tent shut- “there, good.”  

But it was anything but good.  Your ass had been on full display along with your granny knickers as you were bent over, head to your knees, and he’d seen it all.  More footsteps and cracking brush.

“She in there?” It sounded like an accusation.

The gruff sound made your heart drop to your stomach, but it was fighting to come back up as you realized he was talking about you.  You’d just shimmied into your shorts when the zipper was starting to be tugged at again.

“Doesn’t anybody frickin’, I don’t know, ask to walk in anymore?  I could’ve been completely naked.”

“S’that bad?” His head poked through and the little twinkle in his eye almost made you wish that he had seen you without your shorts.  Almost.  You sank to your knees and his eyes followed.  You ignored the slight smirk that told you he enjoyed the action a little too much.

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