how do I not feel bad and like I’ve wasted my potential because I’m smart enough to go to a top college and yet here I am at a huge and not great university just because I was diagnosed late and screwed up my whole life before and after? I know I shouldn’t be sad and/or jealous of others and yet?? I am??? I just feel like I will never amount to anything
I want to encourage you to think about the possibilities from where you are now. Worrying over the past isn’t really useful, since we can’t go back and change it. What matters is what you do going forward.
So think about where you’d really prefer to be going to school, and look into transferring. What would you need to do in order to do that? Is it an option? If yes, you now know what you need to do. If not, it’s still not the end of the world.
Because you can finish your degree where you are now, and then look at further training and graduate studies at other schools. My brother went to the University of Ottawa for his undergraduate degree, and then he went to the University of Toronto for his Masters degree. He then went to the University of Edinburgh, where he did a one-year program prior to doing his PhD. He also did a year at the University of Britain at Rome (he’s a Classicist). I did my Bachelor of Music (in Composition) at the University of Calgary, then completed the coursework for a BA in Psychology at Lakehead University, then did one semester of a BMus in Music Therapy at Capilano College (it’s now a university), and now I’m doing a Publishing Certificate through Ryerson University’s distance education.
After you finish high school, there is nothing that says you need to follow one strict path in order to achieve what you want to achieve in your education and career. You can take a winding path to get there. You can go straight where you want to go. What matters is the journey itself and that you arrive, not the precise path you take on the journey.