that is so australian oh my god

So our group was playing for the first time today, and the party (I’m the GM) consists primarily of americans (a tiefling rogue and a half-orc fighter), except for one person, our Wood Elf Cleric who constantly wears a blindfold.

Our Cleric is Australian.

Right as the Cleric is about to knock on the door to get let into the room to meet one of the other players and an NPC, this conversation is had.

Fighter (ooc): wait does [Cleric] have an australian accent?

Cleric (ooc): absolutely, in fact they have a thicker accent than I do.

Rogue (ooc): oh my god

Fighter (ooc): [says something about wood elves and australians]

GM (me): i’m sorry are you implying that all wood elves have an australian accent?

It has since become canon that all of the wood elves speak with Australian accents. (Our cleric, who spoke with the thickest australian accent she could muster, has since been awarded a -1 on all rolls when carrying out conversation.)

to quote the inimitable chira:

(via chirart)

captive prince is a fantasy-historical romance novel trilogy by australian author c. s. pacat! i actually think it’s a little cheaper on the play store than amazon; i only paid $20 aud for it in total. there are also 4 short stories set in the universe, 3 of which have currently been released: green but for a season (a midquel), the summer palace, and the adventures of charls (both sequels).

i’ve always described it as a thoughtful, sweet political romance with a trashy gay porno aesthetic; you have to like one of these things, and at minimum tolerate the other, in order to enjoy it. i personally love it very much but it’s not the sort of thing i would recommend to everyone; there’s a dearth of female characters, some disturbing content, and the premise can definitely be alienating, especially to usa audiences.

some big content and trigger warnings: slavery, rape, abuse, CSA, corporal punishment, animal death, and just general corruption and treachery. it’s not gratuitous; for a point of reference, if you made it through the game of thrones TV show, i reckon you’ll be fine here. but bad things do happen, ceaselessly, throughout book 1, though nothing is fetishized, things improve immediately in book 2, and the series does a good job of resolving all that conflict and drama in a believable way so when the characters finally fall in love, you are right there with them.

i can’t lie, it does take a lot of Dealing With Things to get through the series – i only barely made it through book 1. but i do really think it’s worth it! it’s a very rich, dense narrative, but the writing is clever and unadorned enough to lead you through without it becoming frustrating or boring. the series is a mess of trauma and betrayal, but the ending is wholly and unambiguously happy. it’s written by a queer australian, like me! and the romance is. oh my god, it is so good. it is so good. the happy ending is so bone-deep satisfying, because you come to admire the characters so much, and their joy is just utterly gratifying to see.

if anyone needs more detailed content warnings, could you please send me an ask off anon, or PM me! and be safe; if you’re not sure you’ll be able to enjoy the series, just skip it. the only important info you need to retain is that damen and laurent are in love.


sometimes i forget that dogs are actually predators who probably prey on humans once and now we’re friends/companions. i forget dogs still have enough strength to kill a human but don’t. just recently, i saw a big pitbull and the first thoughts that came into my mind is, “oh my god, it’s so fat.” 

so i was thinking, what if aliens see of having a companion other than a mate is rather useless? or perhaps they see companions (especially dogs) as a parasite or food since some humans have multiple animals in their house. 

or maybe aliens do have dogs, but only for its benefits and they see us humans, having like so many animals for many things that us do not benefit from the animal, like dogs. 


(ㆀ˘・з・˘) 220317 *:・゚✧・: * :・゚✧

37/100 days of productivity

the daily rants of abby: I don’t get why people rub it in your face if they get a higher mark on a test??? like okay??? like what is your purpose in this- are you trying to make me more upset than i already am??? i’ve always gotten better grades than my friends in my assessments, and when time comes for them to get a higher mark in one test they rub it in my face a lot as if they’re trying to put me down??? 

i’ve just completed my chemistry test and it turns out that i’ve gotten one of the questions wrong (everyone else got the right answer) and other people started laughing at me mockingly and they kept telling me that i’ll fail this and i wouldn’t keep up with my top rank. oh my god i’m so done with people trying to prove that they’re better; sTOP TRYING TO PRESSURISE ME THANK YOU VERY MUCH ASSHATS. 

i’m hoping that i’ll still get the top mark in chemistry to show that i’m not stupid for getting that question wrong - i’m just so upset and angry that all people care about is to beat me in academics (i’m not even that smart!!! stop!!!). ugh i have a killer headache from dwelling over my mistake because i had studied super hard for that test (i feel like i could’ve done better), and i’m afraid this will affect my overall grade by lowering my average mark. The amount of pressure from my peers, teachers and family is overwhelming; i’m so done.

anonymous asked:

I love when British and Australian people say mum and other cute sayings. Like it's so cute I want to say mum but I'd sound dumb because I don't have the cute accent to go with it 😆

aww americans have cute sayings too like “y’all” and “hella” and “oh my god how did we elect a racist orange to be president”

theunderstatedform asked:

how would you go about writing the dialogue if the characters don’t/can’t speak english natively? I want the book to not be limited to its native audience and so it is written in english, but I think native speakers will get bogged down by the translation? oh my god, i’m screwed am i?

So, here’s how this works…

1) Your story takes place in a non-English speaking country, with non-English speaking characters, but the book is being written and initially published in English.

No problem. There are many many books written in English that take place in other countries, and where the characters are supposed to be speaking another language. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, for example, was written in English and originally published in English because the author is Australian. However, the book actually takes place in World War II Germany. Even though the characters are speaking English, because the book was written in English, they are meant to be speaking German. This is just a common sense understanding that most readers have when they are reading a book set in another place. If you know that a book takes place in Germany, and the characters of the story are German, most people are smart enough to understand they are probably speaking German, even if the book is written in English. For most people, this is just common sense.

To help give the impression of German being spoken by the characters, the author includes occasional German words and phrases when appropriate. For example, one of the characters uses the word “saumensch,” meaning “female pig” in German, as an insult to other characters. The inclusion of this German word and others reminds the reader that the characters are actually speaking German.

2) Your story takes place in an English speaking country, but includes characters who do not speak English.

Also not a problem. In this case, you have numerous options depending on how much dialogue the characters have. Have a look at my posts  Translating Foreign Language for the Reader and The Trouble with Foreign Dialogue for more help.

3) When books written and originally published in English are sold in non-English-speaking countries…

Let’s say you’re from Japan and your story takes place in Japan with Japanese characters. However, because you’re primarily interested in the English-speaking market, you want to write the book in English and seek initial publication in an English-speaking country. As illustrated in #1, this is not a problem. However, let’s say that you also want the book to be published in Japan and other countries eventually. This is also not a problem. Your publisher will more or less handle the distribution of your book to international publishers. The international publishers will then handle the translation of your book into the language of their own country. Even in Japan. This is not anything you personally need to worry about.

I hope this explains everything for you. :)

Have a writing question? I’d love to hear from you! Please be sure to read my ask rules and master list first or your question will not be answered. :)
Supernatural L.H.

Originally posted by queenlukes

Siren // Demon C.H // Vampire M.C // Ghost A.I

Summary: People often say a siren is a male -not very often female- who has golden locks and lures sailors in with their beautiful singing. They often do this to wreck the ships and watch people suffer, but, Luke is different from the rest. 



Words: 2,000+

My dad loved fishing, so, for his birthday this year for some father-daughter time together, he rented a sail boat for us to go fishing on. He also rented a little lake house out for the week so we could stay there. I didn’t mind spending time with my dad, I loved him, honestly. I wasn’t anywhere near those teenagers who didn’t like there parents or anything. But, I am 19 so that would probably be the reason for it. I just really, really don’t like fishing.  

Here you go Y/n, your own fishing rod.” My dad smiled as I chuckled, “Thanks dad.” I smiled back at him as he grabbed his own rod and started fishing. We were both trying to catch fish for about and hour before we started slowly floating out into the sea, it was unnoticeable at first, but once we got far enough, I started to get suspicious. “Hey dad, why are we floating into the sea?” I asked with my brow raised as I looked at him.

He looked down into the water and then at the shore line where we started, he chuckled, “I have no clue. Let me try to get us closer to land.” He took his pole and placed it back inside the boat. He took a look at the motor and tried sending us back to shore. After a few tries, he sighed.

“Sorry kiddo, looks like we can’t get back. I’ll call someone when we finish fishing and then we’ll leave for the night.” He said as I sighed and nodded. I went back to fishing, but instantly stopped as I heard thunder boom. “Um, dad, can you call someone to get us now? It sounds like it’s going to storm.” I said uneasily.

He looked at me questionably, “What are you talking about Y/n? I don’t see or hear anything.” He said as he went back to fishing. I could understand not seeing anything considering it was still nice and bright out, but he could not say he didn’t hear the thunder.

It was so loud it scared me half to death! “Are you kidding me? You didn’t even hear the thunder? Really?” I asked in shock as he looked at me and shook his head. “No, I didn’t hear anything. It might just be your imagination, calm down ok?” Dad asked as I sighed and nodded. It wasn’t my imagination, I’ll say that right now.

Another sound of thunder clapped, louder than before, which made it seem closer to us. “Dad, you have to have heard that one right?” I asked as he still shook his head again. Out in the distance of the water, I saw a person swimming far out there. He had beautiful blond hair and dove back under when I spotted him.

“Hey, did you see that boy?” I asked as dad looked at me with boredom. “Y/n, calm down ok? It’s not real. Are you feeling well?” He asked as he placed his hand over my forehead. I swatted his hand away and he laughed. “I’m fine dad.” I sighed and looked back for the boy.

While I was looking, I heard a beautiful sound, it was like a song sung by the most beautiful voice out there. I noticed the boy in the water again and it looked like he was the one singing. He seemed to swim closer to the boat, while still singing, and the sky started getting darker. When he got closer, the water made a whirlpool right where we were.

The once sunny day had turned into a full blown storm. “Dad! Do you believe me now?” I screamed over the loud sounds of the waves and thunder. He nodded his head with a panicked look and pulled his phone out. “There’s no connection, I can’t call anyone.” He complained as the boat shook immensely.

I screamed as our boat started shaking rapidly. “Dad! What is going on?” I screamed as I latched onto the side of the boat. I felt something grab me from behind and I screamed. Dad looked over and gasped, “Y/n!” He screamed as he tried to get to me. The thing that grabbed me yanked me into the water and I thrashed around.

The thing kissed me and I gasped. My eyes widened as I thought I was going to die, but for some reason I didn’t. I looked to the person who took me and my eyes widened. It was the boy from the ocean, but, he wasn’t a boy, he had a tail, and gills. “Oh my god this is not happening.” I said as I looked him over once more.

He chuckled and nodded his head, “Yup, this is happening.” I practically swooned at his Australian accent. He must have noticed again because he chuckled with a smirk. “Why did you kiss me, actually, why did you take me?” I asked as I tried to keep swimming. He chuckled and grabbed onto my waist to hold me up. His tail moved in a steady motion that kept us both up.

“I took you because you looked so beautiful and I wanted to talk to you. Also, it’s in my nature to destroy ships that come into my family’s territory.” He said as I looked at him in confusion. “What the fuck does any of that mean?” He laughed and threw his head back before looking at me and shaking it.

“It means, you are in my territory. You shouldn’t be, which made me want to destroy your ship. But, you were very beautiful, and I didn’t want to hurt you. That’s why I took you, but I had to destroy the ship. My family would disown me if I didn’t. As for the kiss, a kiss from a siren allows you to breathe underwater.” He said. I stared at him and stared frantically looking around everywhere.

“What about my dad? it’s his birthday! Is he dead?” I asked as my voice cracked at the end. The boy sighed, “No, he’s not dead, don’t worry, I would never kill anyone special to you. You’re too precious to experience that hurt.” He said as he stroked my cheek.

I sighed and looked up to my dad that was swimming in the ocean, most likely looking for me. “What’s your name?” The boy asked me as he stared into my eyes. I looked back to his and was instantly mesmerized by the deep blue eyes that stared back at me. “Y/n, what’s yours?” I asked back as I directed my eyes elsewhere.

“Luke, Luke Hemmings.” He said as he started swimming around with me still in his arms. “Well, Luke Hemmings, what are you exactly? I would think a mermaid but they don’t go looking for death and destruction.” I teased and saw a smile on his face. “I’m a siren, and sorry about the wreck, but like I said, I have no choice. Even though it is kind of fun sometimes.” He said while taking one hand off of my waist to rub the back of his neck.

“Ok then, Luke Hemmings the siren, when can I go back to my dad?” I asked as he placed his arm back around my waist. “Why would you want to leave me?” He asked as he made me stare into his eyes. They were so enticing and I couldn’t force myself to look away. They seemed to glow as I looked closer and leaned in.

I leaned to kiss him and he pulled back chuckling, then whispered to me, “That’s a power of mine, making me seem irresistible to anyone I make eye contact with.” I looked at him and leaned back. My mouth hung agape as he laughed loudly, and though loud, very attractive.

I smiled and giggled a little bit along with him. “Sorry for that, but I wanted to give you a sneak peak of some of my powers so you’ll be dying to come back. I really would like for you to visit me. It wasn’t like I was going to keep you like most sirens do with people they take, but I really like you, and I don’t want to pressure you.” He said with a small smile that made me smile too.

“I’d love to come back and see what other cool powers you have Luke. You’re going to bring me back to my dad right?” I asked and he nodded, “Of course I am, you and your dad will be fine and safe, just come back to the water around noon and I’ll be there,” He swam with me in his arms up to land. I noticed my dad with his back away from us.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, please come.” He pleaded and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Goodbye, Y/n. I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.” He said as he swam back into the water without another word. I sighed and walked up to my dad. We talked a bit and went inside the house to get some sleep.

The next morning, I woke, up, ate breakfast, dicked around on my phone, and when noon hit, walked out to meet up with Luke. Dad was a bit suspicious, but I just told him I wanted to sit out by the water. I had put a bathing suit on so if we went under again, my clothes wouldn’t be wet and gross.

When I got to the water, I saw Luke sitting with his back towards me. I took that opportunity to quietly walk towards him and jump on his back. He screamed as I laughed at him. When I got off and he turned around, I expected him to be mad, but he just smirked and me and pulled me into a kiss.

I was shocked, but realized what was going on when he started swimming with me while still kissing. When we pulled away, he leaned close to my ear, “Did you think it was funny? Trying to scare me like that Y/n?” He asked, and I was about to say no, but he quickly pulled me under the water.

I held my breath as he laughed at me. “You can breathe underwater, remember?” He asked with a slight tease in his voice. I stopped holding my breath and instantly felt sad. He only kissed me so I could breathe underwater. Seems kind of pathetic of me to even think he could like me. He looked down at me and seemed to know what I was thinking. Was that another one of his powers?

“Yeah, I can kind of read minds too.” He said as he grabbed onto my waist and held me close to him. I flushed, that means he knew exactly what you were thinking. “For the record Y/n,” He said as he closed the space between us. His kiss was soft and sweet, it really portrayed his personality. “I really do like you.”

 I may have only just met him, but I could already tell he was nice.He let me go back to my dad even when he could have selfishly taken me hostage and impressed his family.

“I really don’t want to have to go back after this fishing trip is over.” I said with a sigh as I leaned my head onto his chest. My hair sprawled out in his face due the water. He chuckled and I grabbed the black hair tie from around my wrist and put my hair into a bun.

He looked down at me, and his eyes travelled all around my figure. My black and white two piece bathing suit hung tightly onto my body as his eyes held no shame in doing it. He licked his lips which caused me to giggle. His eyes instantly found mine, “What’s so funny?” He asked.

I giggled again, “You licked your lips to moisten them, but we’re underwater, which I thought was funny.” I laughed again, and he chuckled along with me. “Stop being rude.” He whined and pouted. I quickly pecked his lips and his pout turned into a smile. He kissed me again and smiled even bigger. “I really like you Y/n, is there anyway you can stay here? You don’t have to stay underwater with me, but could you maybe stay at the house you’re at longer?” He asked with a pleading face.

I sighed and weighed my options, I was taking a year off college so it wasn’t like I had anywhere to be. “Yeah, I think I will stay here. I’ll just stay in the house we’re at now for a while.” I said as he beamed at me. “Yes! And then when we’ve been dating for a while you can come live with me!” He grinned and spun us around, the water making a ‘swoosh’ sound.

“Wait, what do you mean dating for a while?” I asked teasingly, Luke’s cheeks tinted red a bit. “Well, Y/n, would you like to be my girlfriend?” He stared into my eyes and I recognized it as one of his powers, I leaned in, and not because I felt forced to, but because I really wanted to kiss him again.

I pulled back and smiled at him, “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend Luke. I wouldn’t have it any other way, my beautiful siren boyfriend.”

kkelenca  asked:

While your meta about Viktor's monetary skills is absolutely aces, I just wanted to say that I extra love your total sass and ire about the bullshit misogynoir that Serena Williams has to face brought up in it, and I wanted to thank you for sharing such a well structured and informative piece for folks to chew on and reference. ❤️❤️❤️

*pounds table*

Oh my GOD I love Serena Williams and the crap that woman gets for being the most brilliant athlete on the planet is unbelievable. She cannot do anything right. People nitpick literally everything about her and it’s so transparent. I was barely able to restrain myself from frothing at the mouth in that post and actually deleted about a paragraph of asides about how even though people talk about how unrealistic Victor Nikiforov is as Reigning Champion at 27, Serena Williams is like the Empress of Unrealistic Ascendence and she’s in our very own reality. She won the Australian Open pregnant and LET’S SEE VICTOR NIKIFOROV DO THAT.

(I recognize that someone in fandom has probably already done just that.)

She’s really just the best, and I know that in some people’s eyes, she will never be good enough, so I feel like I have to make up for it by loving her that much more.

*smooths down skirts, wipes froth from my mouth, picks up tea cup and takes a gentle sip*


Oh guys- thanks for being so patient! 
Saran’s chapter is done! 
16K later. 

Someone please teach me how to do head canons properly. I have a problem, 
I’ll try to edit during my breaks at work otherwise I hope for it to be up on here tomorrow between 2-3pm Australian Eastern Stand Time. 

This would be a good time to read the story that this slight AU takes place from, Saeran’s To Borrow #6 HC. It literally takes place right after :) 

Oh guys- this just means I need to write V’s and then I can start angst fest and smut fest!!! WOOOHOOOO! 

Originally posted by daburupurei


This is an Australian kids’ show. A DAMN KIDS’ SHOW

anonymous asked:

Wait, American here. What's happened? Why are we fighting with the Australians. Everyone knows not to fight with the Australians, they're our allies ffs. Oh god, he's going to start WW3.

G’DAY MATE LEMME SORT THAT OUT FOR YA. Scroll to the bottom for a TL;DR.

*Clears throat* #auspol, please correct me if I’m wrong on this, I’m just repeating what my mother told me and I’ve read absolutely nowhere about the Central American refugees thing, so let me know if I’ve totally cocked this one up.

Right. Before we get started, lemme tell you about Australia’s version of the Mexican Wall (detention centres! Human rights violations for everybody!), and how this relates to Trump throwing a tantrum on twitter and Malcolm Turnbull either being the most unimpressed politician ever or the biggest doormat ever, depending on who you ask.

See, the big issue in Australian politics (when it’s not the annual Leadership Spill) is the People On Boats.

Because of that whole “island nation” thing, we don’t have people fucking over here over the border because our border’s the fucking ocean, so they have to get on a goddamn boat to do it. To get on the boats, they pay people smugglers, go across a few countries, then get on more boats (possibly not in that order, I don’t know, I don’t have a bachelor’s degree in this), and then wind up here.

There’s a couple of problems with this, “AAAAAH BROWN PEOPLE!!!” from the racists in the peanut gallery notwithstanding:

Problem #1 – People smugglers know that those boats are one-way-trip only, so they give refugees the shittiest possible boats they can. Every now and then, one springs a leak earlier than intended. (Yes, “earlier than intended”, more on that in a tick.) So every now and then we’ll see on the news that the navy found an empty boat or one full of corpses or answered a distress call only to find no boat at all. Either way, refugees can and have died to get here – either as an accident, or as a tragic consequence of – 

Problem #2 – I don’t know the specifics, but the Australian navy, when it intercepts boats, is… I don’t know if they’re supposed to somehow turn the boats back, all I know is that they can’t let the refugees on board.

Unless the boat is in distress.

The solution to that? Blow a hole in the boat.

IDK if this still happens, or if this is just my Liberal mother filtering it, but what I’ve heard is that the only way the refugees can get rescued by the navy is if they’re in danger. So the refugees sabotage their own boat, and the navy has to rescue them.

As you can imagine, sometimes this doesn’t go as intended. Sometimes the navy’s too late, or someone slips – there’s families on board those shitty boats. People’s children have died.

Anyway, because of problem #1 and #2, there’s a real risk of people dying. Now, look, a lot of people who don’t want refugees here are just plain racist and could actually hardly care less about drowning refugees, and all of this could be solved by the navy just rescuing them anyway before the refugees are desperate enough to kick a hole in the hull, but fact of the matter is, there’s people profiting off the life savings of vulnerable people, greasing the wheels of corruption and putting people in danger, all the while promising that they’ll get settled in Australia if they remember to blow a hole in their own ship.

and then we stick them in a detention centre for years or more anyway.

So basically, all Australian politics ever talks about is Stopping the Boats (or not stopping the boats).

So somebody – IDK if this was the Lizard King or Turnbull’s idea, or even Obama’s. But at some point, Aussie politicians made a deal with Obama.

And, again, correct me if I’m wrong because the only source for this is my Liberal (as in, right-wing Liberal) mother, and I’m too lazy to google, and have heard nothing about this anywhere else, but – 

The idea is that we’d swap refugees. America gets our refugees, and we get Central American refugees. Two thousand, I think. I expect that’s just to start off with because I would’ve heard about it earlier if this was a thing that had been going on for a while. Either we end up with a few hundred extra refugees or it’s one for one, I don’t know, all I know is that it was two thousand on each side or less.

Anyway, this is win-win! 

  1. People smugglers (hopefully) get less business because it’s kind of bad for business if you tell your clients they’ll go to Straya and they wind up drawing a short straw and winding up in Murica instead. (Word gets around, refugees find this stuff out so the people smugglers could only bluff for so long.)
  2. People who are genuinely concerned about refugees not drowning are soothed because hopefully less refugees coming = less drownings.
  3. Closet racists have to deal with brown people anyway and have no choice but to shut the fuck up or out themselves as actual racists.
  4. People who are all for accepting refugees will be satisfied as the refugees get to go to a better life than the one they left behind anyway.
  5. Basically the Australian government probably thinks it’ll get some peace and fucking quiet from all sides, when in reality we’ll just move on to marriage equality.

Now, again, I don’t know if this is actually what it is or not. I live in a Liberal (ie Republican, not left wing like it means in the States) household. I’ve never even seen left wingers here talk about people smugglers so I don’t even know how much of that is or isn’t true.

Whatever it is, we were supposed to ship a bunch of refugees over to the States and then the Carrot’s ass got elected, started going on about banning muslims etc and Washington DC Canberra went, “Oh, fuck.”

So! Turnbull, our PM, called Trump or vice versa to chat about it.

Then Turnbull told Straya that the deal was going ahead and that he Stood Up For Australia during this phone call. 

Australia went, “umm…. sounds fake but ok” because we’re Australian, not stupid, we got more coverage about the last US election than we do about all our elections ever combined. We know perfectly damn well that you either stand up to Trump or you get your own way, not both.

Then the Washington Post leaked what actually happened on that phone call a few days ago and now the Australian media is losing its shit.

What happened?

Apparently Trump went on about his penis size inauguration crowds, pitched a fit about the deal and how he “intended” (note the wiggle room that word gives you) to follow through on the deal, called that phone call with Turnbull “the worst” phone call he’d had that day (yes, to Turnbull’s “face”), and then hung up on him 25 minutes in out of the hour that call was supposed to take.

The Washington Post leaked it a few days later, and the Australian media lost its shit.

And after the Washington Post leaked it, Trump (ETA: oops, fixed that error, it was definitely Trump!) complained publicly on twitter that the whole deal was “dumb” and implied he was gonna try get out of it.

Australian media lost its shit again.

Now, regardless of your opinions of Turnbull – I think the guy actually did stand up to Trump. (I shouldn’t have said that out loud on tumblr, that’s like the Australian equivalent of saying “well I heard Trump petted a dog once?”) He can be a bit of a people pleaser and seems to be pretty laid back rather than go-for-the-throat. Or so I’m guessing because political news has been a lot quieter since the Lizard King was deposed.

But look, first off, we’re fucking Australians. We despise rank, it’s in our blood, our ancestors were convicts who wanted (and frequently tried) to shank their British overlords. Ranks are formalities on paper that should stay on paper. You wouldn’t even dream of the President of the US making chitchat with, say, a garbage disposal man, but in Australia if we found out our PM didn’t treat one as his equal we’d lose our fucking minds at the politician’s arrogance. Unless the garbage person was brown, because at the end of the day, Australia is p damn racist. Even the biggest doormat of a PM would have their inner Australian chomping at the bit the second Trump so much as insinuated he was more important than them. 

And come on, even people who live under rocks just know how big Trump’s ego is and how long Trump can be expected to go before he insinuates someone is beneath him even a little bit.

Secondly, the American pro-Trump media is implying that Turnbull pissed Trump off because they spun it as “well, Trump’s other phone calls went fine!”

And thirdly, I really don’t think a manchild like Trump would hang up the phone on someone unless that person was acting with a sliver of self-respect. Like hell, Turnbull could breathe too loudly and Trump’d be offended.

But then, Turnbull might’ve stood up to him and still been a doormat by our standards, because he is not telling the media his side of the story. At all. Probably because he doesn’t want to piss off Pence whoever winds up in charge after Trump goes, because at the end of the day, sucking up to the States is a sport that’s even more popular than our annual leadership spills.

Also, Australians hate politicians in general, so we’d probably call Turnbull a doormat if he bought a plane ticket and pissed on Trump’s hair personally, so.

TL;DR – Washington Post leaked that Trump humiliated our PM over the phone and now Australia’s going “Oooooh, shots fired!”

Welcome To Brisbane (Lin X Reader)

WC: 3688

Summary: Lin and the reader are internet friends, and Lin informs the reader that he’s visiting Brisbane. The reader plans a ‘best of’ tour for him.

Warnings: Language, australian slang, slow burn

A/N: Day 4 of the @hamwriters write-a-thon. These imagines just keep getting longer, but hey, I don’t mind.

I sighed, walking in to my place with an invisible weight on my shoulders. I checked the clock on my wall and saw that it was 9:30. I groaned at the fact that today was another case of late night, early morning classes the next day. I opened my laptop and scrolled through Tumblr, laughing at some of the posts that popped up on my dash. I suddenly heard my phone buzz and I picked it up, wincing slightly at the light. I noticed that it was from Lin and I felt myself perk up a little.

Linny: Hey Y/N! I know it’s probably late at night for you, but I thought I’d send you a text to let you know that you’ve got someone in your corner all the way across the sea. Keep fighting cariña. You can do it.

I read the text and felt my cheeks heat up at his pet name. I read it over once more and decided to pull up Skype on my laptop. I clicked on his contact and called him, hoping that he picked up. His face suddenly appeared on my laptop and I shot him a tired smile. “Buenos días Linny.” I said and Lin smiled brightly. “You should speak Spanish more often. It sounds good when you speak it.” Lin said and I felt my cheeks flush pink. “That’s not why I called you Miranda.” I said and Lin chuckled, yawning slightly. “Bad day?” He said and I nodded. “Like you wouldn’t believe. It’s 9:30 pm and I only just got home.” I said and Lin’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?” He said and I nodded. “Uni was hella stressful. Because it’s June it’s getting cold and midterm exams are coming up and I’m drowning in work. Not to mention my asshole boss and insensitive coworkers.” I ranted, running a hand through my hair as I spoke. Lin set his phone down against something so his full body was in shot, and I chuckled at his choice of pyjamas. “Well, I have exciting news for you mi reina.” Lin said and I froze momentarily. He called me his queen. “And what would that be Lin-Manuel?” I said and Lin shook his head slightly. “You know only my dad calls me that.” He said and I nodded, leaning back in my chair. “I know. Anyway, what’s your news?” I said and Lin’s face brightened, his smile widening greatly. “I’m coming to Brisbane!” Lin cheered and I felt my jaw drop so low it almost hit the floor. “Oh my god. Seriously?” I shouted and Lin nodded, his smile bright. “My flight leaves Friday morning, so I’ll get in Saturday morning!” Lin said and I laughed, shocked and in disbelief. “You’re coming here. To Brisbane. On Saturday.” I said, trying to process what I was hearing. “Yep. Technically I leave on Friday, but yes. I’m coming to Brisbane Y/N.” Lin said and I smiled widely. “I wanna hug you but I can’t.” I said and Lin laughed, nodding slightly. “Same here. I can, however, hug you on Saturday.” Lin said and I nodded vigorously. “I can’t wait.” I said and Lin’s cheeks went a dusty pink. “I wish we could talk a little longer, but you look incredibly tired and I have to get to work soon. I’ll see you on Saturday!” Lin said and I waved at the camera. “See you on Saturday. Adíos Lin.” I said and Lin smiled. “Adíos Y/N.” Lin said, waving slightly at the camera. I waved back, and pressed the end call button. I sunk down in my stool, praying for Saturday to come fast.

I woke up bright and early Saturday morning, at 6:30 to be precise. I got out of bed and pulled on a decent outfit and ate faster than normal, and began the drive to Brisbane International Airport. I made it to the arrivals section in record time and glanced at my sign once more. It read ‘Linny Boy!’ and I chuckled, hoping he liked it. I checked the time and saw that it was 7:30, and Lin’s flight landed in ten minutes. I spent about twenty minutes patiently waiting, tapping my foot on the clean airport floor. I suddenly heard the intercom call out something about a flight from Los Angeles landing and I perked up. I saw people make their way out to the arrival area and I held up my sign proudly, gaining some strange looks from other people.  I saw a familiar mop of unruly black hair and I gasped, realising that it was Lin. “Lin!” I shouted, hoping he could hear me over the crowds of people. Lin looked around and made eye contact with me, his eyes wide and his smile bright. He jogged over a little and I smiled, placing my sign in my bag. “Y/N!” Lin called just as eagerly, and almost tackled me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly, overjoyed at having him here in the flesh. “Oh my god it’s you. You’re actually here.” I said and Lin chuckled, taking in a deep breath. “I’m here. Now, let’s go. I’ve had enough of airports.” Lin said and I laughed, reluctantly letting go of him. “You got your bags mate?” I said and Lin laughed a little. “You sound so Australian when you say mate.” Lin said and I groaned, my cheeks going a little pink. “Shut up and take your bags.” I said and Lin smiled and grabbed the two suitcases that lay near his feet. “Come on. My car’s not that far away.” I said and Lin nodded, wheeling his bags behind me as he walked. “Gosh, it’s so pretty here.” Lin said and I half-smiled, looking out at Brisbane city. “It’s not that great.” I said and Lin scoffed, mock hitting my shoulder. “It’s beautiful, so be quiet.” Lin said and I nodded, glancing over at him. He looked very good in person. “So, what’re the plans for today?” Lin said and I smiled, unlocking my car. “Well, I’m gonna take you back to my place and you can set up your room and dump your stuff. Then we’re gonna head down to Southbank for lunch and maybe a swim. Then I know this great Chinese place in the Valley that we can go for dinner.” I said and Lin looked at me with an amused smile. “The Valley? Do you just have this giant valley with restaurants along the side? God you Australians are weird.” Lin said and I groaned, shoving him as he entered the car. “Shut up. It’s this placed called Fortitude Valley. Australians are super lazy, so we shorten everything. It’s pretty schmick, but that’s where Chinatown is, and therefore, my favourite Chinese restaurant.” I said and Lin chuckled once more. “Schmick? Do you speak another language down here?” Lin said and I rolled my eyes, starting the car. “You haven’t heard the half of it Linny boy.” I said and Lin laughed, shaking his head slightly. “So, where’s your apartment?” Lin asked and I shot him a sly smile. “It’s near St Lucia. I go to uni at UQ, so I’ve gotta be close to school. Thank god for student accomodation.” I said and Lin laughed, nodding his head. “Amen to that.” He said and I smiled, turning on the radio. I decided to listen to whatever CD was in there, and I blushed as the opening notes to In The Heights filled the car. Lin looked at me with disbelief and surprise, before his smile turned into a smirk. “You’ve got my CD in your car.” Lin said and I nodded, desperately trying to hide my blush. “It’s cute.” Lin said and my eyes widened. We began singing along as Lin’s voice played over the speakers, and the drive to my flat seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. “You know, you’d make a very good Vanessa.” Lin said as we got out of the car. I rolled my eyes to try and cover up the fact that I was freaking out internally. “My voice isn’t that great.” I said and Lin frowned, shaking his head. “I beg to differ. I just heard you singing It Won’t Be Long Now and lemme just say, you could give Karen a run for her money.” Lin said and I blushed slightly, shaking my head. “You’re too kind sir.” I said and Lin chuckled  taking his bag out of the boot. We chatted between ourselves as we approached my flat. “Here we are. Casa del Y/L/N.” I said and Lin smiled, looking around my place. “For student accomodation, this is really nice. My room in college was horrendous. Not to mention my dorm mate sucked.” Lin said and I laughed as he set his bags down on the couch. “So, how far away is this mysterious Southbank you speak of?” Lin said, sitting on my couch as if he were at home. “It’s about 5 to 10 minutes down the road. Did you pack your togs?” I said and Lin stared at me with blank eyes. “My what?” Lin asked and I laughed, realising he had no clue what I meant. “Your togs. Swimmers. Swimsuit. Bathers. Whatever the hell you yanks call them.” I said and Lin’s eyes widened in realisation. “Oh. I swear you speak another language down here, my god.” He said and I chuckled, nodding my head. “Yep. Now I suggest chucking your swimmers in my bag so that that way you can just change when we get there.” I said and Lin nodded, opening one of his suitcases and rifling through it. He pulled out a pair of black swim shorts and I caught them as he suddenly threw them at me. “Oh, and get your thongs out as well. You’ll need them if we go to the beach.” I said and Lin looked at me with horror written all over his face. I froze and then burst out into peals of laughter, seriously contemplating taking a photo of his face. “Oh my god. Flip flops. I forgot you Americans think thongs are underwear.” I said and Lin’s face slowly went red as he pulled out a pair of blue thongs. He threw them at me and I had to duck to avoid getting hit with one. “You Australians are so weird, dear lord.” Lin said and I nodded, picking up my already packed swimming bag. “Don’t be such a sour puss Miranda. Let’s get going.”

“You built, a beach?” Lin called when we got out of the car. “Uh huh. We built our own beach here. It’s pretty cool.” I said and Lin turned to me, his mouth agape. “That’s more than cool. That’s, god I have no words.” Lin said and I chuckled, resting an arm on his shoulder. “I know. Now, let’s go get some lunch. What’re you in the mood for?” I said and Lin paused, a thoughtful look in his face. “Anything. I’ll let the local choose.” He said and a smile bloomed on my face. “Then it’s time to reenact a Y/L/N family tradition. Vamos Miranda.” I said, grabbing Lin’s wrist and pulling him along behind me. “This is so cool.” He muttered to himself as we approached the small array of shops opposite the cinemas. “We’re getting fish and chips. Come on.” I said and we approached the store. I ordered the food, occasionally checking back with Lin to see what he wanted. “American, huh?” The lady at the counter said and I nodded. “It’s his first time in Brisbane. I’m showing him around.” I said and she smiled, handing us our food. “You two are so cute.” She said before we left, and I blushed bright pink. I didn’t notice that Lin’s cheeks were the same colour. “This is so nice.” Lin said as we sat down on the grassy area in front of the stores. “I know. My parents and my brother and sister used to come here all the time. We’d ride here on our bikes and then get fish and chips and a Boost. Then we’d head back home. It was always so much fun.” I said and Lin smiled softly, taking a bite of his chip. He suddenly dropped it and I gave him a curious look. “It’s so hot, oh my god.” Lin said, his voice slightly muffled. I laughed and picked up a chip, biting into it. “How do you do that?” Lin asked, looking at me with wide eyes. “Years of practice, my friend. Years of practice.” I said and Lin let out a small laugh. We enjoyed the rest of our food, and occasionally had to fight off the odd ibis who wanted some chips. “That was incredible. Watching you fight off that bird was truly the highlight of our lunch.” Lin said and I rolled my eyes, lightly punching his shoulder. “Shut up Lin. Anyway, seeing as lunch is done, it’s time to hit the man-made beach.” I said and Lin smiled, getting up off the grass. I groaned slightly and Lin looked at me disapprovingly. “Come on Y/N. Don’t be lazy.” He said and I groaned more dramatically this time, rolling over onto my back. “But I’m Australian. We’re all lazy.” I said and Lin let out a loud laugh. “That is kinda true. I saw a sign for McDonalds and the sign read Maccas. Do you all call it that?” Lin said and I nodded, reaching a hand up towards him. “Can you pull me up please?” I said and Lin sighed before grabbing my hand and pulling me up. I tried to ignore the tingly feeling in my hand as he tugged me upwards, and smiled at him once I was standing up. “Thanks. Now, it’s only a short walk so let’s get going.” I said and Lin smiled, grabbing my hand. My cheeks went a light pink and I laced my fingers with his. He smiled at me and we walked towards the beach. I had to occasionally shout a few directions but we eventually made it. “This is awesome.” Lin muttered and I nodded, walking towards the bathrooms, still holding his hand. “The guys bathroom is over there. I’ll meet you back here in a couple of minutes.” I said and Lin nodded. “You know, I might actually need my togs.” Lin said and I smiled widely as I fished through my bag. “You said togs.” I said and I didn’t notice Lin nod and flush pink. “It has a nice ring to it.” He said, scratching the back of his neck. I passed him his swimmers and he took them in his hands. “I’ll meet you back here.” He said and I nodded, walking off to the bathroom. I got changed quickly, hoping that my black and blue one-piece made me look someone decent. I walked out of the change rooms and I saw Lin standing there, his board shorts on and no shirt. I nearly froze but I tried to shake myself out of the trance I ended up in. “You ready to go?” I said and Lin smiled at me, looking me up and down briefly. “Yep.” Lin said and I smiled, hoisting my bag over my shoulder. We made our way to the beach and walked down, the sand soft under our feet. I dropped my bag in the sand and looked up at Lin. “Let’s go.”

I glanced at Lin as he pulled his shirt back on, his hair still damp. “Was that fun, or was that fun?” I said and Lin nodded, a bright smile on his face. “That was incredible. Never in my life did I think I’d be swimming in a manmade beach in October.” Lin said and I laughed, drying my hair with the towel. “Well, our next stop is The Enjoy Inn. Hands down the best Chinese restaurant I’ve ever been to.” I said and Lin nodded, hopping into the drivers side of my car. “Lin. That’s not the passenger side. Get your ass out.” I said and Lin shook his head, a smile on his face as he climbed into the passenger side. “Even your cars are weird.” Lin muttered and I rolled my eyes, sticking my tongue out at him. “If you insult me and my country again I will deny you Chinese food.” I said and Lin raised his arms in mock surrender. I chuckled and started the car. The radio played In The Heights, and we rocked out as we made our way into the Valley. “Here we are. The Enjoy Inn.” I said and Lin looked incredibly happy. “This better be as good as you say it is.” He said, opening the restaurant doors. “I can assure you that it is.” I said, approaching a waiter. “Table for two please?” I said and the waiter nodded, ushering us towards a booth. “That was incredible.” Lin said and I shrugged my shoulders, taking a seat in the booth. Lin sat down opposite me and took two menus from the waiter. “Thanks.” I said and the waiter smiled before walking away. “Saturday is, surprisingly enough, their least busy day.” I said and Lin nodded, a smile on his face. “Well, you can order. You seem to know this place well.” Lin said and I rolled my eyes. “Understatement of the century. I was born and raised in Brisbane. I know this place like the back of my hand.” I said and Lin chuckled slightly, waving the waiter back. I ordered our drinks as well as our food and he smiled, walking off. “So, what’s New York like? I thought I’d ask seeing as we’ve done so much Brissy sight seeing.” I said and Lin arched his brow. “It’s slang for Brisbane.” I answered quickly and he nodded, taking my menu and putting it on top of his near the back of the table. “New York is busy. Like, you can’t get on the subway without being shoved at least once.” Lin said and I snorted, gaining quizzical looks from the other patrons. “You think that’s bad? Queensland Rail is so unreliable. The trains are never on time, and they’re always boiling in summer and freezing in winter. And when I say boiling, I mean boiling. It can get to like 40 odd degrees on those trains in summer.” I said and Lin looked at me strangely. “40 degrees isn’t boiling, what the hell.” Lin said and I sighed, putting my head in my hands. “You bloody yanks. I forgot that you use Fahrenheit. 40 degrees Celsius is like 100 degrees Fahrenheit.” I said and Lin’s jaw dropped. “Holy shit. Are you Australians all right?” Lin said and I laughed, shaking my head slightly. “Everything here wants to kill you and it’s always hot, so no. We’re not ok.” I said, laughing as I spoke. Lin’s eyes lit up and he let out a loud laugh. “That was gold oh my god.” He said, looking up as the waiter placed the food down in front of us. “Here it is. Dig in Linny boy.”

“I swear I’m going to burst. I’ve never eaten this much food ever.” Lin said and I nodded, feeling as if I were going to explode. “You were right when you said that it was the best Chinese food. Because damn.” Lin said and I let out a laugh as we pulled into my complex. “I told you Miranda. I never disappoint.” I said, a smirk on my face. A yawn slipped out of his mouth as I unlocked the door and my smirk grew. “Tired are we?” I said and Lin nodded sheepishly. “You can get changed in the bathroom. It’s just down the hall next to your room.” I said and Lin smiled, picking up his bag and trudging down to the bathroom. “Hey Y/N?” Lin called and I made noise of acknowledgement. “The bathroom’s next to your room.” Lin said and I walked over to him. “Yeah. I’ll take the couch. It’s no biggie.” I said and Lin nodded, a look of annoyance on his face. “No, I’ll sleep on the couch. It’s fine.” Lin said and I folded my arms over my chest, shaking my head. “Absolutely not. You came all this way and I’m not having you sleep on my shitty couch.” I said, trying to get my point across desperately. Lin sighed, clearly not having it. “How about we both sleep in your room?” Lin suggested and I nearly dropped my pyjamas. “I uh, my, um. Sure.” I squeaked, surprised that my voice didn’t break too much. “Great. I’ll go get changed.” Lin said cheerily, ducking off to the bathroom. Once he was gone I let out a shaky sigh, wondering what would happen. Lin emerged and I smiled halfheartedly at him. I quickly changed into my pyjamas and made my way out of the bathroom. “I’m knackered, so I’m gonna head to bed.” I said and Lin chuckled, looking at me strangely. “I could only assume that means tired.” He said and I nodded, yawning slightly as I did. “Just saying, I call dibs on the left side of the bed.” Lin said, walking into my room with a smile on his face. “All yours Miranda.” I said, pulling back the covers on the bed. “How perfect is it that you have a double bed.” Lin said and I nodded sheepishly, my cheeks pink. Lin smirked slightly at me before launching himself on my bed. “Left side, as promised.” He said and I smiled at him, my eyelids beginning to feel heavy. “Goodnight Lin. It was so nice to finally see you in person.” I said, my voice trailing slightly. I closed my eyes and slipped down into my bed. Lin laughed lightly and pressed a feathery kiss to the top of my head. “You too Y/N. You too.”

Good Samaritan

Prompt by the beautiful @mimigemrose.

What is the saying curiosity killed the cat? You were sitting at the park bench having lunch on a rare sunny day and the duffle bag sitting under the park bench was calling your name. It could be a bomb for all you knew and you would be the idiot to open it and blow yourself to smithereens. Ok so curiosity did kill the cat but satisfaction did bring it back. You grabbed the bag and slowly open it saying a little prayer just in case you were about to meet your maker. You sighed with relief as you found what looked like gym clothes, toiletries and a cell phone. You grabbed the cell and frown when you saw it was password protected. How could you get this person their bag back? You could just imagine how the owner felt as you would be a lost cause if you did not have your cell with you. What were you going to do? Maybe you will take it to the local police station.
Just then the cell phone rung in your hands. The number was unknown and you wondered if you should answer. Maybe it was the owner. You would have to explain why you were answering their phone. You hope they would not think you stole it.
“Hello.” You said hesitantly.
“Oh thank God! You found my phone.” A thick, deep, Australian male accent responded on the other end.
“Yes I found your bag at Summerfield Park under the bench. I didn’t steal it.” You hurried the last hoping he didn’t think you were a thief.
“So that’s where I left it. I would lose my head if it were not attached. Do you mind bringing it to the Marriott hotel it is only a block away.”
“Sure. I don’t mind. Who do I ask for?” You got up, threw your half-eaten lunch away, grabbed your purse and headed toward the hotel.
“I will let the front desk know you are dropping a bag off. Just tell them it’s for Jai.” He instructed.
“Ok. I will be there shortly.”

You sat the duffle bag on top of the check in counter.
“Hi. I need to leave this bag for a guest. He said his name was Jai and you would expect it.” You told the young woman at the front desk and watched her face turn several shades of red.  What was that about?
“He is right behind you.” She said with a high-pitched voice. You turned around and saw a tall well-built man walking up to you wearing jeans, white t-shirt and a black leather jacket. Oh my God! Now you understood the reason behind her crimson blush.
“Hi I’m Jai….your name?” Jai extended his hand to you. You grabbed his hand and shook it. His large hand swallowed yours.
“Y/N.” You answered quickly looking away from his blue eyes to gather you composure.
“Y/N can I treat you to lunch to thank you?” He asked as he lightly touched your waist to usher you out of the check in line.
“Ummm..sure.” You answered thinking of your unfinished lunch.
“Great!” Jai grabbed his bag and ushered you to the elevators.
“Where are we going?” You asked looking over at the hotel restaurant across from the check in desk.
“My room to order room service….you don’t mind do you?”
You looked up at Jai a little stunned. What made him assume you would just go to his room. Well look at him….who would tell him no. You sure as hell was not about too. You were very curious about him. Maybe you should play a little hard to get. You looked him up and down. Hell who were you kidding?!
You gawked at the size of Jai’s suite. What the hell did he do for a living to afford a beautiful room like this. Jai threw his bag down, took off his leather jacket and threw it on a nearby chair. You stifled a gasp as you noticed how his t-shirt strained against his muscular chest. You could not help but wish you had been more diligent and gone to the gym more often.
“There is a menu somewhere around here.” Jai walked around looking to see where he had left the room service menu.
“I better get back.” You started to become super nervous. Maybe this was not a good idea. There was no way you could eat in front of this fine specimen of a man.
“You sure? At least let me get you some money. It was really kind of you to bring my bag to me.” Jai looked around for his wallet.
“Oh God no! I don’t want your money. That is insulting Jai.” You frowned a little.
“I don’t mean to be insulting. Most people would have taken off with the bag.” Jai walked up to you looking down at you. He smelled so good.
“I’m not most people.” You told him looking up in his blue eyes.
“I see that,” His eyes sparkled as he looked down at your luscious lips. You were absolutely beautiful.  “Well I can’t let you leave empty handed.”
“I’m fine. It’s my good deed for today.” You started to back out the door when Jai grabbed your wrist and lightly kissed the inside of your wrist. Your knees went weak.
“I don’t even know you.” You whispered as he leaned over and kissed you behind your ear. How did he know that was one of your weak spots?
“You don’t have to know me for me to thank you.” Jai’s tongue traced your jaw to your lips and opened your mouth. You sighed as your tongue met his. Within five minutes you were both naked in the suites king size bed.
Jai had to admit he loved to fuck and rarely had to do too much work too pleased whatever woman he was with at the time but for some reason he had to prove himself to you. He had to make sure you could not walk straight when you left his room…providing he let you leave. Jai grabbed the headboard and proceeded to fuck you mercilessly and one to not be deterred you met each one of this thrust eagerly. God he felt good. Better than any man you have ever been with. He had good stroke game.
“Don’t stop Jai!” You moaned as he took your right leg and put it over his shoulder to gain deeper access.
“I’m not stopping…do you know how good you feel…damn!” he groaned as he pushed deeper inside you. His thrust quicken as he felt you become wetter. You felt your orgasm rise as his thrust quicken even more as he came close to his own release.
“Come for me Y/N.” he needed you to come first and you did as soon as the words left his mouth. Jai was close behind and you grabbed him tight as his whole body shuddered on top of you. After a few moments of catching your breath, you tried to pull away from under him.
“I have to get back to the office.” You whispered kissing his lips. Jai did not move.
“Call and tell them you are taking off the rest of the day.”
“I can’t do that,” You chuckled. “They would be lost without me.”
“I can’t let you go now.” He told you as he started to move inside you again. You closed your eyes as a moan escaped your lips.

You were all smiles as you walked back to the office slowly as not to show you just came from an intense three and a half hour fuck session. It was a good thing you were your own boss because you just had a four-hour lunch. You stopped at the cross walk as you let traffic pass. A city bus passed and you absently stared at the side advertising on the bus of an upcoming movie and your eyes trained on a figure in the photo. Your mouth fell open as you stared at a photo of Jai with Arnold Schwarzenegger and a young woman you could not place. What!!!  You stood motionless as people started to cross the street. You quickly pulled out your cell and googled the name of the movie you saw on the side of the bus.
“Oh my God!” you nearly shrieked. You just fucked one of the leading stars of the movie. Why didn’t he tell you he was an actor? You should have known he was someone by his handsome looks. Your phone rung with an unknown number displaying on the screen.
“Hello.” You answered wondering if it was one of your clients.
“Are you free for dinner?” You heard the now familiar Australian accent say through the phone.
“For you I am.” You smiled. You were glad you decided to be a Good Samaritan that day.

anonymous asked:

Hey so I'm new to the Shawn fandom and was wondering who to follow?

Oh god I’m gonna forget someone I’m so sure of it.

@papishawn holy shit this girl is amazing. She’s funny and smart and really down to earth. Idk she’s just amazing and she’s got some incredible writing pieces. Plus she’s Australian so go give my girl a follow.

@babyshawwn is honestly so kind. She has amazing content, her writing is amazing the sheer talent in camilla’s writing is incredible. She’s so friendly and funny and her friendship with her twinny is gonna make your day. They’re best friend goals which brings me on to…

@illuminateshawn could basically have the same description as Camilla because they’re so alike. She’s so easy to talk to to and she’s really kind and super duper smart. She’s just amazing all round.

@latteshawn my girl is so gorgeous. She makes incredible edits, and posts some damn good content. She’s so easy to talk to and get to know and she’s just a really beautiful soul.

Okay I’m just gonna list blogs because I genuinely can’t write good descriptions for people but these people are super funny every time I see them on my timeline I’m always smiling or laughing, they’re so so kind and down to earth Shawn is the luckiest kid in the world to have them, their writing, edits, photos etc are just amazing and they put so much effort into what they’re doing. Go give them a follow and like all their stuff because they’re killing it honestly.

@ihaveabadreputation @illumendes @illumninate @illumegeoff @ftsgerald @fetushawn @horny-for-shawny @nike-shawn @shawnrmendes @shawnandzoestories @saysweartogod @thugshawn @thesmutofthemendes @teen-mendes @sippingchai @ortenmendes 


Markiplier Animated | FORREST BYRNES LIVES (Firewatch Animation)

So you know that notion that humans are Space Australians and will form a nigh unbreakable bond with anything. Turns out humans will project creepiness and fear onto an object and still bond with it.

Human: Oh my God.

Alien: What?

Human: That thing. It’s eyes are following me.

Alien: It is not alive and does not have eyes.

Human: No, I know. But those two depressions toward the top look like eyes, right? No matter where I stand it looks like it’s looking at me. It’s so creepy.

Alien: You won’t have to look at it for long, we are almost done.

Human: Can I bring it back to the ship?

Alien: What? Why?

Human: It’s so creepy! I have to show the others!

All the other humans onboard agree, the thing is “creepy”. They will not get rid of it. In fact, the humans have taken to hiding the thing throughout the ship to scare each other. Soon the thing has a name and a personality and a history and the aliens sigh and do their best to ignore it all.

imagine waking up expecting to see your boyfriend, Calum, next to you but instead you wake up to see his side empty. Thinking that he must’ve gotten a last minute call to the studio, you just climbed outta bed and headed to your bathroom to shower and brush your teeth. Once you finished, you put on a pair of Cal’s “Santa Cruz” shirts and underwear not really caring about bottoms knowing that you’ll most likely stay inside. You threw your curly hair up in a bun and was about to enter the kitchen when you heard the front door open. You faced Calum for him to look at you with surprised look and also holding a box. “Y-Y/N. I didn’t expect you to be up.”
“Same, but you know I can’t sleep long without you next to me.” You shrugged, “what’s in the box?” Calum eyebrows raised, “what box?” “Calum…” “okay, okay. I was gonna surprise you before you woke up but…” he drifted off as he sat the box down and opened it. A brown puppy with bluish grey eyes popped out looking around. “Calum! You got a puppy?!!” You squealed, you weren’t even gonna hide the fact that you loved puppies almost as much as your boyfriend. The puppy jumped up knocking the box over before it ran over to you and you couldn’t help but noticed that it only had three legs. You placed your hands over your mouth muttering, “oh my God.” before it jumped into your lap. Shameless tears begun to fall down your face as Calum squatted down to your level explaining, “I know how much you love Australian shepherds and I wanted to surprise you for our third year anniversary so I woke up around 10 and ran to the pet store and originally I was gonna get you one of the puppies that were in the front until I saw this one all alone and I just couldn’t leave her there. The pet owner told me that she lost it because of a drunk driver and then was abandoned but fortunately she survived and—” you cut him off by pressing your lips to his.
“You’re such a amazing person.” You smiled as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.
“Awe don’t cry babe.”
“I can’t help it. She’s SO cute!” You cried as you pulled the energized puppy into your arms.
“So what did you get me?” He smirked wiggling his eyebrows.
“You’ll have to wait until it gets dark hood.”

I’m officially now in my fucking feelings! Send me sweet Calum blurbs please!!