that is life

This is a call-out post for Steve Allen,

the groundhog that lives under my shed.

You’ve got it good here, Steve Allen. When you started burrowing your way into my chicken coop every night I didn’t even disturb you, I just spent a day digging out all around the coop and burying cinder blocks so you couldn’t dig under the walls any more. You’ve got a compost pile full of food scraps—remember those apple peels the other day? Yeah, I saw you stuffing one long peel after another into your face like big pieces of spaghetti. You get to clean up the grain and oats the horses drop around their feed buckets. You even get water left out for you.

I’ve been nice to you, Steve Allen, and how do you repay me? Not only did you leave a giant pile of poop right by my car in the driveway the other day but then I discovered THIS!

YOU CHEWED UP TWO OF THE BEAUTIFUL PUMPKINS IN MY PUMPKIN PATCH!!!

This is the last straw, Steve Allen. You will no longer be known as Steve Allen the Groundhog. Forever more, you will be known as Steve Allen the Asshole.