that is just my thoughts

Shiro, Lance, and Team Dynamics

So this post got me thinking. I don’t think it’s totally off the mark, but I’m not sure if Shiro possibly not being their Shiro is the revelation Lance is actually having. That said, I do still think there is something important going on there so I’m gonna roll this out.

I think we need to put our Kuron!theories on the back-burner for a minute, assume no one on the team realizes this yet, and try to evaluate this from their perspective. Even though I definitely think something is off with Shiro, I think we also need to remember this is a children’s cartoon – and if it took these characters half an episode to realize something wasn’t quite right with Coran in Ep4 despite his suddenly speaking with a totally different accent – I think it is very presumptuous to assume the characters in-series are picking up on these very subtle differences we as viewers are noticing with Shiro. Especially since not one of them has voiced any concern over Shiro’s behavior.

What I want to focus on instead is that with Keith out of the equation the team dynamic has gone all screwy, and in a way very different from when Shiro was missing.

Here is the exact dialog exchange in S4:E6, before the gravity field traps them:

Shiro: “Stay alert.”

Lance: “I say we get out of here. Pidge, plot a course for our escape.”

Shiro: “Hold on. We should find out what these things are first.”

What I want to note here is that Lance isn’t waiting for the go-ahead from Shiro. He’s making a decision on his own and acting on it. Lance is giving Pidge an order. An order that Shiro completely disregards and overrides without acknowledgement.

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Rafael Barba + striped shirts

I took everyone’s advice and took an actual break for the last 10 days or so. It’s been wonderful and I feel so much better. With that said, there were some things I went through that I wish I’d known before I left my abusive relationship and I want to share them in case it’s useful at all for anyone.

This might be my last post on my own experience, but it definitely won’t be the last time it’ll appear on my blog. For months now a lot of brave people have shared their experiences and it’s been inspiring and enlightening. I want to do my part to keep providing that listening ear because such amazing people have done the same for me and have given me the strength to move forward.

What I learned after the breakup is that returning the big things, changing all my passwords, and living life without my ex was the easy part. A lot of other things make it more complicated, though.

First, abuse takes many forms, and there’s no shame in the word. We’re most familiar with media portrayals of an abusive romantic relationship, but it can just as easily happen with parents, friends, and coworkers. A lot of people who weren’t my family or close friends were really shocked I was no longer in that relationship because my ex seemed like such a nice and generous person. He is. But it doesn’t change the fact that he was also controlling, emotionally manipulative, and regularly threatened me when he didn’t get his way. Despite saying I wanted to be open about my experiences, it was very hard to use the “a-word” because it seemed to put such a harsh and heavy label on someone, whose actions described as “abuse” were very private and unknown. But I’m trying. Because abuse takes many forms and it took me a while to even want to classify my own experiences as abuse. But the fear whenever I’d see a missed call after class or the pounding in my chest and dizziness when I’d talked to another person, not my ex, and having him find out was real. From being unable to change my profile pictures on social media (to those not of “us”) to being forbidden to pursue further studies in another country to being told I couldn’t live with my family anymore, was real. Being made to feel guilty and like a “lead-on” for rejecting physical advances I was clearly not comfortable with, with action to the contrary of any of the stated being equivalent to my ex’s suicide, was indeed abusive behaviour. And I’d known all of it was wrong, but I kept pushing aside my decision to leave. Aside from drowning myself in work, a big factor was that I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

That’s the next point. There’s so much stigma against people who’ve left an abusive relationship. A lot of family and friends who didn’t hear the story as it developed kept telling me not to go back to that relationship (without first hearing my particular situation), because the dominant narrative of abuse is that the vulnerable party continues to go back to the relationship. People put up with abuse for a lot of reasons, emotional dependency included. But the word “abuse” is laden with that particular narrative. Moreover, after hearing my side, the next (almost painful) thing I’m told is that I was a fool, stupid, or an idiot for putting up with it. My being put together, breaking up being a calculated and thought-out decision, factored in to their thinking that I was dumb for not seeing the warning signs that they obviously saw from my telling of the tale alone. Again, a lot of reasons for not leaving when the signs came up because my ex really was nice in all the conventional ways. Most of the time it seemed as though the good times outweighed the bad. It took reflection and introspection over a few months for me to conclude it was a pattern of abusive behaviour amid all our many interactions. That I felt I had to justify myself for calling the behaviour abusive also means that I had to present that pattern and that narrative that made it obvious. 

Things were made more complicated because I still see my ex on campus, and sometimes have to work with him. He still tries to contact me outside of work and since then has been leaving me emotionally hurtful and angry messages, then suddenly messages about his sadness and loneliness and saying how much he cares. It’s the same kind of emotional yoyo that I’ve been on during the relationship, only now I’m not bound in any way to appease it. It’s been difficult, because I really don’t want to talk to my ex, or interact in any way, but I’m trying to be polite. I graduate in half a year and I can definitively do that then. Again, human circumstances can be complicated.

I have no idea if this helps anyone who is planing to leave or has just left an abusive relationship. But I want to end on the note that even though a lot of people haven’t made it too easy for me since I left, I am so much happier now than I used to be– and people have told me so. I am in such a better place and I can think about my future and my own goals without a dark cloud hanging over me. I guess there aren’t as many stories about what happens after one leaves (and has no residual feelings about staying), as there are about the brave individuals who decide to leave. I hope that this one helps.

And as always, if you’re dealing with anything stressful or you just want to share send/ask me anything :)

Congratulations NU’EST on your First Win!!

For ㄴㅇㅅㅌs like me who have been by your side since the beginning, enduring the strife with you, this has been a tremendous hurdle that we’ve overcome. 

NU’EST, you guys have been through hell and back again; I still remember those debut days when the anticipation was just so high for you, but the pressure built and everything crumbled piece by piece. I’ll still never understand completely why fans then lost so much interest after ‘FACE’, but I’m incredibly grateful to those ㄴㅇㅅㅌs who have stuck by your side through thick and thin and for those who have newly become a part of the fandom, supporting you all in your hopes and dreams.

The shock of the first win wore off quick and tears were shed by you as well as ㄴㅇㅅㅌs. For the first time, it was tears of pure happiness and joy. Like you, we had waited for this day for so, so long and knowing that finally, we had managed to help you succeed in fulfilling your dreams brought such elation! Everyone came together and wept happily; we shared our memories, our battle scars, our joy at the significance of this music show award because it’s not just a music show trophy; it is a trophy representing NU’EST’s blood, sweat and tears.

Even though you had to walk such a difficult path until now, it helped your determination grow and your resolve to strengthen. Each of NU’EST has been following the same dream and it is this unity which has helped you through the hard times. The support of ㄴㅇㅅㅌs cheering you through was the cherry on top because we all need some encouragement sometimes; we did our best to provide you all with that and still continue to do so. Working earnestly and pursuing your careers honestly and with passion and bravery has earned you so much respect and love from your peers, your seniors and from all fans from all circles. 

Seeing your first win brought not just you and ㄴㅇㅅㅌs happiness, but everyone around the world who knew your story and who had been cheering you on, it moved them a tremendous amount too. The love and support you receive today is the love and support you deserved right from the start, but you know what they say; anything worth having is worth fighting for.

Fear not-we’ll all work just as hard to bring you a win when Minhyun returns, for we’ve all experienced a taste of winning now; there’s no holding any of us back now!

Love you guys so much.
Once a  ㄴㅇㅅㅌ always a  ㄴㅇㅅㅌ !
We’ve fought until now but we’ll keep fighting forever!
Here’s to NU’EST’s first win!

As much as I love Desus, I have to admit that realistically it could never happen. Even though it would make a great story line for Daryl and I would love to see his character open up to that kind of role, this is all in the hands of AMC. And as we know the writers do their own thing and they seem to enjoy unexpected story lines for us viewers. With that said, I still fully think that Jesus DOES have a thing for Daryl. It’s been laid out for us and whether or not that will be reciprocated we won’t know (hey, we can hope right?). Even my coworker who has no Desus interest whats-so-ever has said she even thinks Jesus likes Daryl or that it’s leading up to that. But is Daryl gay? The question remains. Either way, it’s going to be an interesting season to watch this unfold. I hope we aren’t disappointed!

It would seem that 8 years ago me reeeeeally set present day me up for success….

13x02 thoughts

This ep was pretty good overall, but since #buckleming was writing the episode, there was a few things I didn’t like right off.

  1. The way ‘pain formed an eternal bond’ between Asmodeus and Lucifer when he punished Asmodeus for trying to tame the Shedim. Of course #buckleming gotta make abuse seem like it’s okay.
  2. Creepy dude that comes onto Mary. Really, so just because she’s a female hunter and not an angel or demon, that gives you the right to force yourself on her and call her a derogatory name?? 
  3. Also the overly violent way Lucifer killed the guy?? (that one might just be me though)
  4. The Jack self harm/suicide attempt. This scene both disturbed and saddened me to see. Couldn’t they have come up with something less extreme to show Jack’s depression?? (where did he get the idea anyway?) Self harm and suicide is not a trivial matter?? Don’t trivialize it and have Dean just tell him that there’s no hope and that he’ll be the one to kill him??
  5. Might be personal opinion here: But did Dean get told off screen that Jack chose Cas as his dad?? Because he had no real reaction to it whatsoever and didn’t seem surprised when we all sure as hell were, including Sam??

*takes a breath* Moving on-

Asmodeus: First off, why the western accent? Did you just come back from the 1860s? (I swear, I’m done hating now XD)

Second, while I was watching the episode, it struck me that the princes and princess of hell seemed a lot like the seven deadly sins. Azazel was Pride, (his personality) Dagon was envy (she wanted to be with Lucifer and be Jack’s mother) Ramiel was sloth (didn’t care about anything) and I come to find out that Asmodeus is actually the demon of lust. (Then again, Sam says that Asmodeus is the last prince of hell, so that the seven deadly sins thing may be a coincidence.) He’s also the demon of desires, and he appears in the episode as Donatello preying on Jack and figuring out Sam’s thoughts on Jack. He also appears in white, which reminds me of The Woman in White way back in s1 and how she also manipulated people in a similar way.

Theories: My theory that s13 will be about rebirth is also coming true, as Donatello returns literally out of nowhere after loosing his soul, and I had thought that was the last we’d ever see of him. John was also brought up again, and I wonder if my theory of Dean learning to forgive John is coming to light, as Dean says in the episode that he also hated his dad, but wanted to have his approval. On top of that, the name Jack is ironically a derivative name of John, and Dean needs to forgive both of them and overcome his bitterness. 

Parallels: This episode was rife with parallels yet again, so I’ll just list them all out.

  1. Jack and Cas (5x22) both sleeping in the impala on the left side.
  2. Jack and Cas love cartoons. (Cas watching Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner in 8x8.) Also, that Scooby Doo foreshadowing though! I wonder if Jack loves it so much that he makes it real in the future Scooby Doo ep?
  3. Jack eats burgers just like Cas did in 5x14 (the way Dean was watching too XD)
  4. Jack mimicking Dean’s eating habits and quirks. I’m not sure I’d count this one though since I think Jack was mimicking Dean to try and see what’s ‘appropriate behavior’ and gain his approval, but it’s funny nonetheless. (I also loved how Sam found it funny 😂)
  5. L I T E R A L  AS  H E L L. Need I say more?
  6. Saying complex, deep things akin to what Cas would say. (Dean’s reaction to Jack saying pain is a part of the human experience killed me)
  7. Disliking conflict and negativity like crazy!Cas in s7
  8. The way he was opening a portal to another world with monsters without thinking of the consequences like Cas with Purgatory.
  9. During the scene with Jack sleeping in the back of Baby while Sam and Dean discuss what to do, Dean ends up saying, “So this time, let’s start with the obvious. As soon as I find a way to take care of… it.” [Jack] Sam ends up defending Jack just as Dean defended Cas when Sam called Cas’ vessel an ‘It’ when the two of them and Crowley were discussing what to do with Amara and Lucifer in 11x18. Sam said then that they always ‘make the heart choice instead of the smart choice,’ and now it’s literally reversed with Dean saying that. 

On top of all that, I felt that Jack mirrored Cas’ depression and mistakes. Dean even compares Jack to Cas saying that, “you didn’t see Cas smiting someone every time he got his teeth cleaned.” Dean adds that Jack is not Cas. He sees their likenesses already and it’s getting to him. Dean is upset over everything, and I think Jack is just a thorn in his side reminding him of Cas constantly and how he died. He doesn’t want to care for someone else again just to loose them, and Dean is using Jack as his punching bag since Lucifer isn’t there for him to stab as a result. I just hope he stops being so jaded and gives Jack a chance soon…

Also, what is this ‘timeless knowledge’ Jack has that Asmodeus mentioned? Does Jack know more things than he realizes, such as how he remembers Lucifer reaching out to him when he was in the womb? 

Nature vs Nurture?: *nervous inhale* Man, I hope Donatello’s statement of Jack’s vibe being a lot brighter than Lucifer’s doesn’t change, because I’m leaning towards the nurture team™️ instead of nature. 

Think about it, Kelly was a kind and gentle person. She loved Jack, and showered him with love even knowing she would die. Kelly gave up her life for Jack because she was selfless. She could’ve aborted Jack, or blamed him for ruining her life, but she chose to love him, name him, and encourage the goodness in him. She saw him as a child, not as the spawn of satan. Jack has been loved until birth, and he knows nothing but love and kindness. He’s so pure and being only 3 days old, it’s no wonder Asmodeus was able to manipulate him, as he has no true concept of right and wrong. He goes from Kelly telling him that he’s loved and will achieve great things, to being told that he can hurt people, and having Dean be nothing but cynical and saying the opposite of what Kelly told him he would be. Asmodeus also preys on that as well when he tries to use Jack to release the Shedim, (which I have a feeling we haven’t seen the last of…) telling him that it’s his destiny to use his powers. Just like Cas was, Jack is looking for a purpose, something to put his faith in and have his endeavors be righteous. The way Asmodeus was talking about how he could give Jack the world also sounded a lot like what Crowley told Amara when he tried to control her, and I wonder if this season will be like s11, or a reverse version of it.

I also really respect Sam for being so kind to Jack this episode as well as how compassionate he was. It really warmed my heart since Jack so far has been nothing but a gentle soul, and I hope Dean can see that before he alienates him so far he won’t listen to what they say. 

Oh, yeah, and lastly, Mary and Lucifer: It’s pretty logical that Lucifer thinks he can trade Mary for Jack, but does he want to stay in the au, or go back to our realm? Lucifer said nothing about returning to our earth, only complained, so I wonder what his big plans are, though they might not go very far with Michael in the way, which was awesome, but it begs the question: how could Michael use Lucifer? 

One last thing, Lucifer saying that Mary was the one who, ‘stinks of hell’ was pure gold. 👌🏼


I watched him adjust the cufflinks on his tux for what seemed the tenth time as he paced in the small garden area outside of the church.

“Why are you so nervous?” I finally snapped, “Aren’t you two already married?”

“I’m not,” he lied.

“Yes, you are,” I argued. “Do you think she’s going to say ‘no’ and what? Go back to that house you guys just closed on? Get a divorce? Because you guys are already married.

“It’s not the damn wedding,” Yulian bit out. “Today just marks the start of me taking over. I’ve got to grease up a lot of assholes that I don’t care about all night long. All I want to do is go home and fuck my wife.”

Hector snorts, “You’ll grease them because if you mess up, that’s the only thing you’ll get to fuck tonight.”

“God, don’t fucking remind me.”

“Trouble in paradise already, boss?” I tease lightly.

“Em was seasick the entire way here and when we finally got in town, she’s been too tired to do anything. I haven’t gotten laid in almost a week.”

“Poor baby,” Hector croons dramatically.

“Yep, get married and she stops putting out, that’s the way it goes,” Lobito grouses. The sharp sound of a top being taken off a bottle makes all of our heads swivel to where he’s sitting. “What? It’s true.”

“Where’d you get the beer, man?” I ask suddenly thirsty. I figured it wasn’t going to be a dry wedding, but I hadn’t found the bar, though they probably hadn’t set up yet.

“I asked The Shepard and She provided,” Lobito answers with mock piety. “Through her-“

“Shut up, Lobito. Where?”

“The bar in the reception hall. They wouldn’t give me any liquor but I saw Em’s skinny little brother run off with some. The fucking jerks.” He takes a swig, “I brought up a case. Want one?”

“Pass that shit over!” I made to hand the first one to Yulian but he shook his head.

“My Nonna caught me drinking out here one night. She dragged me by the ear all the way to the confessional. She’s buried somewhere in the church’s crypt. Her ghost would rise up against me if I did it again.”

“But the reception hall here is a-okay?”

“My Nonna’s whims do not have to make sense to you. You just obey and pray to god she’s not carrying a spoon.”

“You want one, Hector? Or are you afraid of your spoon wielding grandma, too?”

“Different Grandmother,” Hector says, taking the top off with his teeth. “Mine was Chief of Police in Newcrest, she’s already spinning in her grave. A beer won’t make it worse.”

just a quick question bc i am procrastinating uni work as always

do you guys/did you guys like when i used wordpress? would you be into it if i picked that back up + wrote more posts? about lifestyle + life updates + tips and tricks and stuff?

or alternatively would you prefer/would you be interested in me having a more general blogger type tumblr page that i use like a wordpress but just on tumblr (which is more accessible i guess idk)?

People criticize Taylor for being “calculating” - thus saying that because she PLANS to do things and that those things will help her career in some way - she’s not really a nice, genuine person.  

Here’s the thing…if Taylor wants to plan to make her fans dreams come true it doesn’t take away from that AMAZING gesture and she does not have to do 1/10th of what she does to be famous and successful.  In fact, most of the general public who buy her albums and go to her concerts have absolutely no idea she does these things.  So sure it helps her, but what does it matter? She’s made dreams come true and inspired new ones and changed countless lives for the better.

Wouldn’t you agree?

i wanna read/reblog some other peeps poetry bc i’m just in that mood so if you want me to check out yours just like or reblog this!!

xtaticpearl replied to your post: also: the wasp is so cute? she is so cute and she…


SHES SO CUTE WHERE IS SHE she named them? she came up with the name for the team she said it with her mouth and she’s such a delight and i don’t know her v well yet but she Seems Important why did we not get a wasp movie

Things I want to get done this weekend

  • Obviously all my homework. (A quiz, a survey, a response, a chapter reading, a study packet, and a simulation)
  • Clean my bedroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchen
  • Go through Cayden’s toys and get rid of the ones he doesn’t play with
  • Get rid of all the stuff cluttering the house that we don’t use (empty boxes, TV stand, etc)
  • Grocery store
  • Dollar store for some cleaning products