that is false advertising


“ You were anointed by God, blessed by the Sun. But you do not yet possess what really matters: the power!  Without it you will perish and all the France along with you. For the king without a castle is no king at all. And now, you dream of paradise, but you must build it for yourself and let the whole world know Louis the Great has arrived. “

(Versailles, 2015)


False Advertising: Thranduil

For my money, Thranduil is the best option—not necessarily to kill Bolg, but to be in that helping-Thorn/parallel fight position. Because seriously, that conflict between Thorin and Thranduil needs a resolution.

Unfortunately, I suspect this never occurred to the PTB because they don’t see Thranduil as a person. More a device. And his purpose in AUJ and DOS was make Thorin look like the most put-upon underdog, who is just treated so unfairly.

But if they’d treated Thranduil like the significant supporting character that he is, developed that conflict between him and Thorin—and all it implied—then keeping Thranduil on Ravenhill (alone or with his army), provides optimal fulfillment/resolution to what came before.

Even without development, though, Thranduil going up to Ravenhill sooner just has more oomph than whatever they think they’re doing with Legolas.

shit my teachers have said sentence starters

  • “i’m just sayin’”
  • “i should be on a document camera promotional video.”
  • “a nice hat trio! can you imagine us walking down the street?  pure fun.”
  • “go bulldogs… or whatever.”
  • [ continually switches thermostat from celsius to fahrenheit ]
  • “those who know me call me strawberry shortcake.”
  • “is kentucky a state?”
  • “i keep calling it heat waves,  but that’s like saying ‘pizza pizza.’”
  • “i’m just gonna watch my favorite youtube cat video and come back.”
  • “i’m going into the woods tonight, i’ll come out sunday.”
  • “you might not be a window, but you are a pain.”
  • “im just gonna talk to you about why my roommate was gnarly.”
  • “if i were you, i would do the homework.”
  • “rainier mountain sounds like a birth certificate.”
  • “sometimes you’re taking this malarian on a mountain.”
  • “the dumber it is, the more you’ll pay attention.”
  • “b-o-a-r-d, not b-o-r-e-d.”
we have a problem (a slam poem)

we have a problem
when girls from the age of ten
are being told that they shouldn’t wear shorts out in public
for fear that they’ll be given looks
by older men
men old enough to be their fathers
men that despite their physical maturity
cannot seem to apply this to their dicks
if you can control your arm
or your leg
or your facial expressions
why are you incapable of controlling simply another body part
when it is faced with a stimulus
that is fresh faced yet was barely in the world
when you were already your own person?

we have a problem
when rape victims are told
that because of the way their hair
falls daintily over their breasts
or the delicate arch of their back
or the length of their sleeves
they were basically asking to be violated
because, of course,
it is a privilege for a woman to be looked at by a man
and a right for men to take what they want from women they deem worthy of this attention.
we have a problem when authorities
those who are paid to protect us
look away from this as a matter of principle
because ‘boys will be boys’ and you need to take the precautions.
when a public figure
is deemed as less guilty
because of their popularity and their skill
an athlete did not make a mistake
they are a criminal who can swim.

we have a problem
when a woman’s attempt to be seen as acceptable by a sexist society
is seen as ‘false advertising’ and ‘wasting a man’s time’
I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that my body was a product
a DVD player or a bar of soap that still can’t wash away the stink of your misogynistic narcissism
my only purpose to cleanse the sins of your twisted beliefs.

we have a problem when abortion is the only medical procedure
that you are denied because of how you got in the situation
when a drunk driver that killed a child can get an organ transplant at the tip of a hat
yet a woman who was violated cannot have this man’s production taken out of her own body because “YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO THIS AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES”
when a sixteen year old is denied an abortion because they are old enough to deal with it
but cannot adopt because they are not mature enough to handle a child.

If I am too young to be wearing these clothes then I am too young to have my body sexualised.
If my right to report a crime is lessened because of my vagina and the visibility of my underwear
then stop saying my body is a temple because if the God of it does not have rights then what’s the point of having one in the first place?
If I do not have control over my body and what happens to it then why should I exist? For your pleasure? No.

We have a problem
when women are shown to have no right over their bodies
when their only purpose is to be pleasurable for a man to look at
we have a problem
when women as seen as lesser than a man
and we have a problem
when women are seen as nothing.

Modern Dregs AU #2

The Dregs driving

  • of the seven, Matthias is the best driver
  • owns one of those vintage cars (like a ‘69 chevy)
  • his record with DMV is flawless, passed his driving test the first time he took it
  • he’s always very courteous, yielding to others even when he has the right-of-way (Matty is a Good™)
  • has one of those “Baby On Board” bumper stickers, actually in reference to his dogs that he takes to the park a couple days a week
  • Nina always gets on his case about it
  • “it’s false advertising” “they are my CHILDREN, Nina”
  • Nina, on the other hand, is the source of Matt’s road anxiety
  • she never checks over her shoulder when making a turn or lane change
  • stops for birds in the road, and not gentle stops
  • full on slam-your-face-into-the-dashboard stop
  • Matthias has bloodied his nose on multiple occasions when Nina was behind the wheel
  • “Nina, you don’t STOMP on the brake” “the bird could’ve died!!!” “it’s a BIRD” “what if it was your DOG”
  • her dream car is a sleek Audi - maybe someday
  • Inej is v careful on the road but also drives right at the limit
  • she drives a tiny car (like a Volkswagen Beetle), likes the little jostle when a giant car zooms past and the resistance hits hers
  • only one who can parallel park without having to go back and forth 15 times
  • ends up driving Kaz everywhere, he’ll just call her out of the blue
  • “pick me up” “not with that attitude” “darling inej, would you be so kind as to let me ride with you to school?” “you’re paying for gas”
  • she only ever agrees to pick him up because she’s crushing on dat boi fully aware he never learned to drive
  • shocking - Dirtyhands can’t drive
  • Inej tried to teach him the basics once and it did not end well
  • “wHY AREN’T WE MOVING” “that’s the brake pedal, Kaz” “oh, so this one” “KAZ, DON’T SLAM ON IT”
  • he ended up rearending Matthias’s vintage car
  • “you’re paying for the damage” “do i look like i shit money?”
  • and then there’s Jesper
  • hoo boy
  • Nina’s generous with the brake pedal, and Jesper is the same with the gas pedal
  • he’s the type to zoom through yellow lights right before it goes red
  • he also swerves in and out of lanes when he’s in a hurry
  • no one knows how he got his license, least of all Mr. Fahey (lost his hat once, it flew out the window while Jesper was speeding on the fucking freeway)
  • Kaz is the only one who maintains some sort of calm when in the car with Jesper driving
  • meanwhile, Wylan has only ever let Jesper drive once of all the times they went someplace together
  • “c’mon, wy, I’ll be easy this time” “never. again.”
  • so Wylan drives them everywhere in his mom’s minivan
  • surprisingly enough, he has the worst road rage of them all
  • not like he’ll jump out of the car and go, “FIGHT ME” though he could if he wanted
  • just gives you the finger as he drives by, acting all tough in the minivan
  • Kaz applauds him from the back and Inej disapproves
  • “you shouldn’t encourage him” “why not, he’s learning something useful”
  • Kuwei can’t really drive yet but Nina likes to take him to the park to practice around the block
  • she’s like the nonchalant parent
  • and Matthias is the one who freaks out every time Kuwei increases the speed just 5 mph
  • “YOU’RE GOING TOO FAST” “i’m only going 25, settle down, you old coot”
  • you cannot even believe what the roadtrips are like
  • ;)