that healthy feeling

How to Exercise Boundaries with Your Feelings

Our feelings, whether good or bad, are our property. They fall within our boundaries. Our feelings are our responsibility; others’ feelings are their responsibility. If other people feel sad, it is their sadness. This does not mean that they do not need someone else to be with them in their sadness and to empathize with them. It does mean the person who is feeling sad must take responsibility for that feeling.

Sandy was confused about her boundaries because she felt responsible for her mother’s feelings. She felt like she had to change her mother’s anger to happiness by changing her own behavior. This puts Sandy’s mother’s anger in control of Sandy’s life.

If we feel responsible for other people’s feelings, we can no longer make decisions based on what is right; we will make decisions based on how others feel about our choices. If we are always trying to keep everyone happy, then we cannot make the choices required to live correctly and freely. We can’t determine how successfully we are living our lives by who is unhappy with us. If we feel responsible for other people’s displeasure, we are being controlled by others.  

Many people are stuck in the stage of development where they think they can control others by getting angry or sad. This tactic often works with people who have no boundaries, and it reinforces the controlling person’s immaturity. When we take responsibility for our own disappointments, we are setting clear boundaries. When we take responsibility for others’ feelings, we are crossing over their boundaries.

Some of you may think that this approach to boundaries is mean and insensitive. Please hear something loud and clear: We should always be sensitive to others’ feelings about our choices, but we should never take responsibility for how they feel. Taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings is actually the most insensitive thing we can do because we are crossing into another’s territory. Other people need to take responsibility for their own feelings. If they are mature, they will process their own disappointment and own it. If they are not, they will blame us for their disappointment. But dealing with both their disappointment and their blaming is their responsibility. None of us gets everything we want.

~ DR. HENRY CLOUD

If you’re overweight and you’re eating healthy food, people will not take you seriously (because they expect that eating healthy food means you should have the perfect “fitness” body already, and if you don’t have it yet, clearly you haven’t succeeded or some shit).

If you’re skinny and eating healthy, people will be “concerned” for you because you need to gain weight.

If you’re overweight and you have a treat (that you counted in your macros and calories) or even a cheat meal that you’re aware of, they’ll ask if you’re sure you should be eating that… because won’t one meal hinder your weight loss? (and if you previously felt good about eating it because you know life is about balance, you begin to feel skeptical).

If you’re skinny and you work out, they will tell you that you don’t need to… because exercise is only for weight loss, apparently, and not strength.

If you’re overweight and you work out, people will not take you seriously (see first point) and they will always try to correct you because they will assume you don’t know what you’re doing.

tldr; people don’t know your goals, they don’t know your progress and they don’t know your body. You will be judged whether you choose to go for that salad or if treat yourself and go with the fries. You will be judged whether you’ve just started your weight loss journey or are ¾ of the way there. You will be judged whether you want to lose weight or if you’re happy with the way you are. trust your body and your goals, and do it for yourself x

Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.
—  Daniell Koepke (via @wizdomly)
Allow for the colours in your soul to dance the way in which they are meant to, for only you can create such a unique display.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

I hardly remember the girl in the before picture, but I don’t want to forget her. I don’t want to forget what it was like to feel like a prisoner in my own body. The pain, the powerlessness to change. Change is slow and getting started is hard, but it’s possible when broken down into tiny manageable habits. If you’ve never struggled with obesity, it’s easy to think you just need to muster up a little discipline and put down the fork, but you’re wrong. It’s so much more complex than that. There’s a reason why 95% of those who lose regain it and it’s not because they’re lazy. We probably judge ourselves more than you because we’ve all been taught that it’s our fault. I’m working really hard to have compassion for myself – then and now –and for those who share the burden of obesity. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But it doesn’t make us bad or lazy or stupid, it makes us sick. and I’m sick of a culture that believes otherwise and marginalizes people who are trying and failing despite their other achievements. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but this disconnect in understanding and compassion pains me. I am strong willed and determined and pursue my dreams with vigor, but when it comes to this, if I let my guard down, I’ll be back there in an instant. Seriously, eff obesity, but more than that, eff anyone who doesn’t have compassion for those of us who are up against it. Excuse my language, it’s the only word that feels appropriate this morning. Keep fighting the good fight babes and never give up. Happy Humpday 🐫

IG : excessmatters

Butler is basically the most emotionally healthy character in af?? He’s constantly narrating how he needs to process his emotions in situations and how his bonds with his friends affect him. Meanwhile there’s also artemis “if I throw myself into work and toil to the point of physical exhaustion I can avoid thinking abt my problems” fowl and holly “I use violence and morbid humour to avoid deepening my friendships with anyone and risking loosing another person who is dear to me” short?