Tom Hollander: “Here I was sitting by the seaside with Hugh Laurie, who is one of the most entertaining people you will ever meet in your life, and Olivia Coleman, Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Debicki… It was paradise. Until we went swimming ! And, I -cause I’m a gentleman- lent Elizabeth Debicki my goggles, which I’d brought to Majorca because I knew about the jellyfish problem. But she didn’t have any so: ‘You must have mine Elizabeth’, so she wore them and I swam into all the jellyfish… And I don’t know if you’ve ever been stung by a jellyfish but it’s really, really painful… Guess who peed on me ? Tom Hiddleston. He saw this, he is heroic and you know, sort of ‘Bond’ like… Out of the corner of my eye, someone sharp strokes cutting through the water, Hiddleston had seen I was in trouble, he came out to me. I was standing on a rock immerged just in a few feet of water and he went: ‘It’s alright, stand back, I know what to do.’ He went ‘Where is it?’ ‘Here, it’s all here !- and ah it’s all really warm now…’
Tom had done what he needed to do, which was to pull his dick out, and to piss all over me. And I’m sorry to say, it doesn’t actually work.
Listen…words happened. Lots of words. I hope this is what you wanted. Maybe you wanted something darker? And more…painful? I am working on being more angsty and painfilled :D
99: “Calm down. I look a lot worse than I am.” (ao3)
Neil slipped into his trainers without untying them around five in the morning. He was trying to be as silent as possible because everyone else in the dorm was still asleep. Regardless of when Neil went to sleep, his internal clock has him up at five am, every day. Technically, Neil had only fallen into bed at three after a night practice with Kevin and Andrew. Kevin was snoring in his bed across the room and Andrew was awake but hadn’t opened his eyes. Neil tried to be as stealthy as possible when he got out of bed, but there was no climbing down from bunk beds without waking the other person, especially not if they were a light sleeper. Andrew was so used to Neil slipping out of Fox Tower around 5:10 am, and running until he was tired enough to fall back into bed for a few hours before his 11 am Stats class, that he no longer started swearing at being woken up, he would just murmur, “phone on,” before pulling the covers over his head and going back to sleep.
Neil took the elevator all the way down in order to take the time to stretch and relish the protesting of his tired muscles. They had gone hard at night practice. Andrew was in an accommodating mood and had the two strikers running up and down the court like mad. He had even let Neil drive home so he could smoke in the passenger seat and look at Neil. Neil had given a mocking little, “Staring,” making Andrew blow smoke in his face. Kevin had started complaining in the backseat about the perils of smoking and what it would do to Andrew’s body. Andrew how will you continue to play exy if you can’t catch your breath? Kevin had finally asked, imploringly. Andrew was completely unimpressed and lit another cigarette, passing it to Neil, before turning up the radio to drown out Kevin’s protesting.
Walking from the elevator to the door, Neil nodded to the tired front desk worker as he planned out his route. He could probably just do a quick loop around campus before heading back to shower and climb into bed with Andrew before he got up for his 9 am Cultural Violence class. Neil took off when he jumped down the last two steps. He ran past the pond, the main lawn, and the library before veering off his course to head towards the Dunkin Donut across from the far end of campus. Andrew’s favorite was the chocolate glazed and he was rarely up in time to choke down an Oreo poptart before class, much less make it all the way across campus to grab donuts before class. He would probably just put them out on the counter where Andrew could find him. There was a level of discomfort Andrew went through when he realized how much he was known at this point. Neil understood that and kind of felt the same way, but Andrew so effortlessly knew Neil that Neil tried really hard to remember the things that Andrew liked. If the radio was on and Andrew took the extra effort to turn the volume up, Neil would us the little app Matt showed him how to use to find songs so he could add it to their driving playlist. Neil wanted Andrew to feel just as known as Neil himself did. Neil didn’t need Andrew’s reaction. He just wanted Andrew to know that someone cared, so picking up donuts and a large hot chocolate with two shots of espresso and whipped cream was easy enough.
Neil jogged in place and waited for the light to turn red before running across the street to the Dunkin Donuts. Halfway through he was knocked off his feet. He was lying on the ground and was trying to piece together how he got down there. He blinked and glanced around before noticing the horrified glances of two girls in front of the Dunkin Donuts holding coffees. He heard a door slam and his eyes swept back to see a black car right beside him and a man running towards him in what almost looked like slow motion. Shock. You’re in shock.
“Hey man, shit. Are you okay?”
Neil couldn’t find the words to ask him what he meant. He just furrowed his brow and stuck his hand in his pocket to feel for his phone. He pulled it out and it was shattered to hell and back. He pressed the home button and when it didn’t light up, he dropped it to the pavement without thought. He was pissed because Andrew had gotten him that phone and now it was destroyed.
“Hey man, I know that you’re probably shook up, but I need to tell me if anything is broken. I want to get you out of the road,” the stranger said with anxiety in his voice.
“I’m not…what happened?” Neil asked, confused.
“Fuck. Okay. Okay. I was texting and I didn’t see the light turn red and—fuck. I hit you with my car. Oh my god I can’t afford this, but I will pay for your hospital bill okay? Oh my god, wait. You’re Josten aren’t you. Holy fuck. Man did I fuck up your ability to play. I watched your interview about how passionate you are about the game. Oh fucking Christ I’ve ruined your life. I fucked my car. I’m going to die right here,” the stranger became more and more shaken as he went on.
“Stop,” Neil said, pulling himself into a sitting position.
“You’re not supposed to move, man,” the guy whimpered.
“Okay, listen to me. I need you to do some things for me,” Neil said.
“Anything, man. Anything. I’m Eli.”
“Eli, hey okay so first, I need you to tell me exactly what happened when you hit me,” Neil said, licking the blood off his lips.
“I was responding to a text. Why did I do that? It’s like so early. Why did I need to check my phone, nothing important happens in the fucking morning and—“
“Eli, I need you to focus. I just need to know what happened,” Neil said.
“Okay so I hit you. I glanced up when I felt the bump and you went up on the hood and you hit the glass. It happened so fast, but you went up and hit the windshield then rolled off. And I couldn’t see from there—“
Neil jumped up and finished crossing the street. Eli yelled after him, but Neil didn’t want Eli to continue talking. He was yelling something about his cellphone number and then Neil couldn’t hear him after he walked through the door, the little bell signaling his entrance. The lady at the counter glanced up and shrieked when she caught sight of Neil. Neil whirled to the darkened window to the rentable conference room to catch his reflection. His knees and one of his calves were skinned up and slowly dripping blood. His white crew socks were staring to soak up the blood. His hands were raw but not bloody. He had some scratches on his cheek, but it was mostly just superficial cuts. Nothing like the bloody torn mess it was after Baltimore. His mouth was bloody from where he had bit his lip when he hit the ground and he probably had a wicked bruise on his torso from where the car made impact. Neil was unfortunate enough to have had broken ribs before in his life, and yes he was sore but nothing was broken.
“Calm down. I look a lot worse than I am,” Neil said.
“Well you look god awful,” the woman informed, gripping the countertop.
“To be fair, I feel kind of awful,” Neil said with a bloody smile.
“Are you like, okay?” she asked.
“I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse.”
“Um, well. That seems like an unhappy middle. Do you need me to call someone? Or like, do you need anything? Shit, I mean I don’t really know what I can do for you,” she worried.
“You could do two things for me. I need 12 chocolate glazed donuts and a large hot chocolate with two shots of espresso and whipped cream. If possible could I get a small cup full of whipped cream as well? I can pay whatever for it. And then could I just get a small black coffee with French vanilla? Oh! And can you point me in the direction of the nearest phone store? It doesn’t matter the provider, mine just ate shit out there and my, uh friend, will be waking up at 6:30 and if I don’t respond to him he’s going to raise hell until he finds me,” Neil said, getting a little breathless towards the end.
“Oh baby, it’s 7:15…but I can get all of that for you! And it’s on the house for sure. And like two blocks south of here, so left when you walk out of the store is a place you can either get your phone repaired or buy a new one,” she said, hustling around the corner to start making the drinks.
Neil slapped fifty bucks on the counter, “This is for the food and drinks and for the fact that you will probably be cleaning my blood off the floor. Listen, while you make that I’m going to run down and see about fixing my phone situation. I really appreciate you working with me and I apologize about the blood.”
“Please, it’s no problem. Go clean up in the bathroom if you need to,” she said, boxing the donuts.
“I’ll be fine, the phone thing is important,” Neil said, snagging his small coffee off the counter. It stung his lip when he took a sip, but the caffeine was worth it. He briefly thought about jogging the two blocks but quickly nixed the idea, knowing that getting his heart rate up too high would likely only make him bleed faster. So much for sleeping before class.”
He walked through the doors and was met with a few shocked gasps, but walked up to the person who looked most knowledgeable and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “We can talk plans and things for as long as you want and I’m willing to let you talk me into whatever it is you try to sell customers. It’s just imperative that I have an activated phone as soon as possible. This exact same phone if at all possible. I need to let some people know that I haven’t been kidnapped or anything. I was hit by a car and apparently recovering from that took a lot longer than I realized.”
The woman stared at him for a beat, then another, before nodding and picking up his phone and heading to the back. Neil only had time to look over at the weird goggle things they had set up in the middle of the room before the woman came back with a box. She set it up on one of the tables and plugged it in before taking the little sim card out and inserting it into the new phone right before it powered up. She handed it over before walking off to get whatever it was she would try to sell someone, Neil guessed. He quickly put in all the information he remembered from when Nicky helped him set up his last phone and skipped the parts that he did not remember. What the fuck was a cloud anyway? The phone took a few moments to start pinging, and Neil quickly flipped it to vibrate and started going through the messages in the order they showed up in his message app.
hey man, Andrew just text me wondering if i had heard from you? wassup? yinz having issues or you just forget about the world while running?
Long story. Where’s Andrew?
Neil bb, Andrew says you aren’t answering?? I hope you’re not in the ER lol Text me
I’m not dead. Is this where I would say lol?
there better be a damn good reason Andrew woke me up at 7 in the morning mister!!
I was hit by a car.
You okay honey?
The monster said you ran off?
I went on a run. Yes.
Where r u
Getting a new phone.
It’s 7 Where are you Neil It’s supposed to be Jack who falls down, not junkies Your location services is turned off And that means you either did a very stupid thing Or it means that I’m going to have to do a very stupid thing
I hope I’m the stupid thing. It’s a long story, but I’m at whatever phone store is by the DD. Stop at DD first and get your breakfast, I already paid for it. Once I get my new phone set up and paid for I’ll come outside Then you can finish the job
Vague I’m on my way You owe me an explanation
Nicky will have to install the little faces for me How do you think he gets the little kissy face I will text Nicky
I should have killed you weeks ago
:* ! ;* this one is winking haha look at this one uwu
I’m going to kill Nicky And then I’m coming for you
I got us matching phone cases And two tablets And I got you these headphones They were described them as Sweet
Come outside before I drag your lifeless body out
Neil thanked the woman as he took the bag from her and pocketed his phone. Andrew was sitting outside in the Maserati and Neil looked down at his bloody legs before shrugging and opening the door.
“I’m taking you to the ER. Tell me what happened or I’ll finally kill you like I should have ages ago,” Andrew threatened before Neil could even get in the car.
“It’s a long story and if you take me to the ER I’m eating three of your donuts and you still have to go to class. It’s your favorite one with that professor that you actually don’t hate,” Neil said reaching for the box of donuts in the passenger seat.
Andrew allowed him to take one donut before he moved the box out of Neil’s reach. “Will you die if I take you to the apartment?”
Neil flopped into the seat. “Nah, most of these cuts are already clotted and the blood is just dried there.” Neil pulled up his shirt. “This however, is ugly as all hell, but I don’t think I have internal bleeding. I mean other than you know the blood that is in me…internally,” he said experimentally poking at the discoloration on his side.
“Internal bleeding isn’t the same thing as the circulatory system, you stupid fuck,” Andrew bit out, slamming on the gas. He was driving thirty miles over the speed limit and Neil just clucked his tongue at him.
“I know nothing about anything,” Neil hummed, finishing off the donut and reaching back toward the box.
Andrew shot him a dirty look. “I won’t take you to the ER.”
Neil gave him a wounded look in return. “You just don’t want to share your donuts, you greedy fucker.”
Andrew rolled his eyes, smoothly pulling into the parking lot at Fox Tower. “You owe me an explanation.”
“I know, and I’ll tell you everything. I’m just really tired all of a sudden now that I know I’m okay. I kind of want to sleep and have someone rub my stomach. My mom used to do that when I was sick,” Neil admitted, trailing after Andrew.
“I have to leave for class in fifty minutes. I get out at 10:15 and you don’t have to leave until 10:45. That gives you two hours and five minutes to rest. Then you’re telling me and then I’m walking you to Stats on my way to Criminal Psychology. Sound fair?” Andrew asked.
Neil slumped against the elevator wall. “Yes that’s fine.”
“I can hear your phone buzzing from here.”
“I told Nicky what happened to me. I’m sure the whole team knows by now. Hell probably the whole state of South Carolina!” Neil said, following Andrew out of the elevator.
“I don’t know,” Andrew stated blandly.
“Yes, but you deserve more than a six word sentence explaining what happened,” Neil responded, waiting for Andrew to unlock the door.
“You’re lucky Kevin’s in class or else he’d take one look at you and shit a kitten. Strip down and get in the tub and start scrubbing the blood off. I’ll be in there in a minute to help you patch up.”
“I’ve always wanted a kitten,” Neil called, walking into the bathroom.
He got in the tub before turning on the water, not bothering to stopper the tub. He passed over his unscented body wash in favor of Andrew’s sandalwood soap and started clearing away the blood and gravel from his legs. Andrew came in with hydrogen peroxide and wrappings that were no doubt bought after his injuries sustained in Baltimore.
“Ugh you know I hate that shit,” Neil said. Andrew unscrewed the lid without responding and immediately started pouring peroxide on his cuts. They all bubbled and Neil breathed in sharply through his nose. He got up right after being plowed by a car, but hydrogen peroxide made him want to cry like a baby.
“Rinse off and I’ll wrap the worst of your cuts.”
Neil soaped up again with Andrew’s body wash and used some of his shampoo and conditioner for good measure since he did go running. He might not get to lay in bed with Andrew, but this was also nice. Andrew toweled him off, being careful of his cuts and bruises and rolled his eyes when he caught a whiff of Neil. Neil made a mental note to start buying scented soaps so Andrew could wash in his one day, maybe. He pulled on the shorts Andrew provided. Andrew methodically and quickly wrapped all of Neil’s cuts and prodded him towards the bed. Neil immediately went to climb to the top bunk when Andrew made a noise and pushed him towards his own bed. On it was a heating pad that Andrew turned on and placed over Neil’s bruised torso.
Andrew left and went to the kitchen and Neil reached over the edge of the bed to the desk where he had discarded his phone. 389 missed text messages. He put it on do not disturb and locked it. Unlocked it and went to make sure Andrew’s texts and calls would still go through, before locking it again and sliding it under the pillow. Andrew came back in and handed Neil a water bottle and a couple pain pills that were left over from his latest injuries. Andrew also handed Neil an ice pack before walking over to shove his books in his backpack and shove all the dirty clothes in the laundry or the trash if they were unsalvageable.
When Andrew walked back by the bed Neil reached out but stopped before he got to Andrew’s wrist, but it was enough to make the other boy pause. “I really am okay. It looks a lot worse than it is. I am sore, for sure, but I would tell you if it was bad. Here come sit and I’ll tell you what I can before class in,” he checked his phone, “seventeen minutes.” Andrew crawled across Neil to sit against the wall beside him.
“It was stupid. I didn’t wait for the light to change and I ran across the street without looking. I got hit. I wanted to get you donuts for breakfast,” Neil admitted sheepishly.
Andrew moved to get up and Neil put out his hand towards him again, but still didn’t touch him. “It was stupid, I know, but please stay. I’m going to fall asleep, but stay for a little bit and I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I’ll tell you more about this morning. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Anything?” Andrew asked, eyebrow raised.
“Anything,” Neil confirmed.
Andrew hummed in confirmation, and the warmth against Neil’s side was really nice and it was lulling him to sleep. The heating pad against his other side was really nice too. Neil was just really warm all over and was falling asleep. Andrew reached out and pushed his hair to the side and before Neil realized what was happening, he was asleep.
The circular pattern being rubbed on his stomach was familiar and soothing. The tiny feet climbing over him, however, were not. Neil blinked away and breathed in loudly through his nose and stretched before slurring, “’Drew?”
Andrew leveled him with a blank stare and said the most confusing thing Neil had ever heard: “Your cat pissed in your shoes. It’s the smartest cat in the world. I didn’t think I had the capacity for love, but it pissed in your shoes and then ripped the net to your exy racquet.”
“The…cat?” Neil asked as if Andrew had started speaking to him in tongues.
Andrew just reached across the bed and picked up the tiniest kitten Neil had ever seen by the scruff of its neck. That wasn’t saying much. Neil had never seen a kitten. It was probably massive by kitten standards, but it was the smallest and most perfect thing Neil had ever seen. He ignored the missing ear and the smushed in face and immediately reached out, only to have the cat take a swipe at him. Andrew made a noise low in his throat and the kitten looked meek and innocent and let Neil snuggle it close this time.
“I think I’m in love,” Neil cooed as the kitten started to wriggle its way out of Neil’s arms.
The cat jumped down and Andrew lay down beside Neil, placing a hand two inches below where the bruising was and gently pulling Neil towards himself. Neil allowed himself to be moved before turning his head toward Andrew, close enough that their noses almost touched.
“Yes or no?”
“You got me a kitten,” Neil hummed, pleased.
“Yes or no?” Andrew asked again.
“Andrew, yes,” Neil said in the softest voice Andrew had ever heard.
“I emailed your professor. Turns out getting hit by a car is a decent enough excuse to skip class,” Andrew said, ignoring the way Neil was looking at him.
“Will you go to Criminal Psychology?” Neil asked leaning forward to kiss Andrew’s neck.
Andrew made a filthy noise and told Neil that it was a review day. When Neil leaned forward to rub his lips gently against Andrew’s, Andrew pushed him away and said, “Not in front of the cat.”
Neil laughed and kissed him full on the mouth before lying back down on the pillow and pulling the covers up. “I say we nap before they inevitably find me. Maybe later we can scar the cat some.”
Andrew rolled his eyes, but laid down all the same.
In painting skin tones, a lot of the time I see people choose colors that are over-saturated or unbalanced. There isn’t really an exact art to this that I can explain—you just need to get a feel for what saturation balance you need for that particular skintone. Here are some examples of what I usually pick.
As you can see, I used different base colors (orange, reddish, yellow) for the skin shades in all three examples. The reason for this is because all skin tones have a different base color besides just Light, Medium, and dark. Some people divide them into categories of “warm” and “cool.” Pantone has some really good examples and references for this.
PART TWO: COLOR VARIATION.
Another big part about drawing and painting skin tones that a lot of people forget is how skin thickness affects color variation. The presence of bone, blood, and muscle underneath the skin affects its colors. This is especially noticeable on the face.
The colors here are a little exaggerated to show my point, but with a little adjusting and blending…
Voila! Subtle, but more realistic.
PART THREE: DETAILS.
Our skin is the largest organ on our body, and as our body’s first line of defense against the outside world, it’ll be covered with tiny details and imperfections. Things like sunburns, tans, freckles, scars, and facial hair all add character to your subject matter. Here are some examples!
TANS: Everyone tans differently, depending on your ethnicity and skin tone. Fair skinned folks tend to burn more than tan, which means you’ll need a more startling, eye-catching red.
If you have a skin type that tends to tan more, the color will be more brown than red. For black skin tones, the tan is less red. (And while we’re on the subject: black people DO tan, so it’s important for you to put on sunscreen and be careful in the sun, too.)
Those are the areas that the sun tends to hit the most—and things like goggles, hats, and masks can change the shape of that area.
FRECKLES AND MOLES: Freckles are also products of the sun. Some people have freckles that stay year-round, while others have freckles that fade in the winter and return in the summer. Moles are skin cells that grow in a cluster instead of being spread throughout the skin. When exposed to the sun, they tend to darken. (Another note on skin health: if you have any oddly-shaped/colored moles, moles that have changed color, size, or shape, or anything of the sort, please check with your doctor!)
Freckles like to cluster around each other, sort of like stars, and they vary greatly in size. You can have a few freckles in one place, or a lot of freckles in multiple places. Most commonly freckled areas are your face, shoulders and neck, back, and forearms.
FACIAL HAIR: Facial hair also affects the colors of the face. For simplicity’s sake we’ll be using black hair, as it is the most noticeable. Facial hair usually grows in these areas, and can make the skin look blueish/grayish because of the darker hairs beneath the skin. If your hair is red, this also very noticeable.
I would probably look a lot like myself only Japanese.
You have to remember that any human DNA that is in us during the mutation most likely came from Splinter. Therefore any human characteristics we would have would come from him. So I would look like me, only with Asian characteristics.
When people do “human” versions of us, they draw us based upon anime mostly, which is cool. Or based upon our mask colors and all. I’d like to see a drawing or two where they just superimpose human characteristics on us as we are. That they leave our eyes the way that they are, our structures, and just add noses just where our beaks are and actually use our actual skulls and jawlines as references. I’d like to see a human version with that much effort and detail.
And I’d like awesome hair. Most of the time I like the hair that artists give me. If I was human I would definitely pull off that shaggy, slightly longer haired look. But I don’t need glasses. Goggles are fine because I use them, but not glasses. My vision is fine.
Also clothing. I’d probably go more the steampunk route with clothes because I believe that clothing should be functional. Even when we are putting on battle gear you’l notice I go more for the leather, metal, wires, computer fan on my arm type thing and goggles. My style would be more steampunk I would imagine. I mean, just going by what I do actually wear right now. Fingerless gloves and all.
Ok prompt: baz is a swimmer (like damn all lean and muscly) and Simon is a guy who can't actually swim but I ly doggy paddle and they're neighbors and they get talking or smth and they're both like 👀👀😍😍 so baz offers swimming lessons and idk where to go with this I just woke up but try it maybe ?
Anon…. this is actually the greatest prompt EVER.
I AM A SWIMMER. I can work this au so well… GET READY (also baz is totally like a distance swimmer like 200s and 500s and 1650s even and IF simon were a swimmer but hes not for this au he would totally be a flyer)
So this isnt exactly your suggestion but it’s close I think I hope you like it
(Normal boarding school, Simon and Baz are still roommates, swim team au)
(there’ll be a part two, i think) (because i like this) (chaptered possibly) (because i need baz pov and less introduction more of the actual prompt im sorry)