that girl starring marlo thomas

shitty superpowers
  • the power to summon traffic jams but it only happens when you’re already late (a little too ironic)
  • the power to recall any alanis morissette lyric and reference at the most appropriate time in the most appropriate way
  • the power to turn your pants invisible
  • the power to talk to animals…but only animals that aren’t indigenous to your area
  • the power to make cold coffee into lukewarm coffee
  • the power to make all objects feel to you like they weigh 2% lighter…so a five pound weight feels like it weighs 4.9 pounds.
  • the power to outrun fast children
  • the power of echolocation but it only works during the day
  • shapeshifting but you can only shapeshift into a lavalamp
  • the power to summon bronies
  • the ability to jump over a couch but only when doing it for the vine and the ability to jump over a car but only when nobody’s looking
  • the ability to read people’s minds but only when they’re thinking about semen
  • the ability to watch the entire series of “That Girl” starring Marlo Thomas in a single run without falling asleep