that girl from girlfriends

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I’ve never quite felt so much dread
As when our final words were said
The quiet car ride in the dark
Fearing what would be a brand new start

I know that you must move away
When daylight strikes and ends your stay
But shaking hands and streaks of tears
I can’t hold back when you’re not near

You walk me back to my front door
Long distance, we’ve been here before
Behaving like a flickering circuit
Temperamental light; when it’s on, it’s worth it

You are my light
And sometimes that scares you
How you’re on my mind
Until we pull through

But I’ll wait for you from coast to coast
You’ll send me chocolates in the post
That I’ll unwrap when I miss you most
As I kiss the soft temple of your ghost

—  We must goodbye again; it never hurts any less. I’m trying to stop the tears, I’ll embrace the pain through writing for you. // A.S
It’s crazy, because when it comes to you I’m just putty. You simply look at me and I would melt to your every whim- do whatever it took to keep that smile full of sunshine radiating across your face. And, I still can’t figure out how you got me like this, but I haven’t been able to shake this feeling you give me. It’s almost like you’re embedded into my bones. And, God, do I hope you stay.
—  Please stay.

I can’t wait to be in the presence of my girlfriend, to hug her, to kiss her - while feeling the warmth in her eyes as the love is shown.

To interlock my fingers with hers while all I can think about how beautiful she is - not just outside but inside too. To see her eyes light up and the grim on her face when I tell her I love her - it gives me butterflies every single damn time.

To feel her wrap her legs around me and kiss my hand while giggling away to herself. To kiss her forehead while running my fingers through her hair while she’s drifting off to sleep and repetitively repeats “ew” every time I kiss her.

To have her laid next to me all night and pull me closer when I’m awake but she’s asleep, without even realising it’s them little things that make me fall more and more in love with her.

And I could cry a million tears - not because I’m sad. Because when I’m with her I feel complete, like the world is no longer trying to ruin me, throw thugs at me. Because when I’m with her - I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. When I’m with her I feel light and fluffy, full of love and happiness.

I can’t wait to wake up next to her, to tell her it’s morning and she can’t go back to sleep while she tells me there always time to sleep. I can’t wait to kiss her again and tell her I love her while laying there and I thinking I’m the luckiest girl in the planet. And wondering why I left it so long to make the girl i dream of, To make the girl I’m crazy about, to make the girl I’d walk the world for, to make the girl I’m truly and madly in love with mine.

All I’ve ever wanted to go Is come home to you after a long day, wake up next to you which usually end up in you spooning me. To tickle your back and kiss your forehead. To buy you flowers even though you ain’t that much of the romantic type, but you accept them and love them the same because you know I’m hella gay and full of romance. To take you out - whether it be day trips of for something to eat.

And I cannot wait to show you off to my family and friends - to the world. To say this is my girl and after two years we’ve finally made it work, we’ve finally got there.

Two years on and I still feel like the same love sick teenager the first time I stayed with her, the first time I kissed her and held her hand, my love never changed if anything it grow.

And baby I am madly and madly in love with you.

—  My thoughts.

I laid on his chest for the first time in what felt like forever, both of us stayed silent for a few minutes until he finally said the words we had both been thinking.

You aren’t the person I used to know anymore.

And he was right, I wasn’t. The day he walked out on me something in me changed and I think it was for the better. I was stronger than I was before, and I was happier. I smiled wider and laughed louder and that was something I wanted to continue. So I lifted my head off his chest and said the last words that I’ll ever say to him.

That’s because I wasn’t me when I was with you. And I’m finally happy to be myself.

—  an excerpt from a book i’ll never write (4)
Nobody owes us. What’s sad is we think that if we do something, we deserve that thing to be reciprocated back to us. But once things are done, they’re done. There’s no going back, not even if we want there to be. All we can do is look ahead.
—  (via fraagmented)

I was sixteen.
We were young, dumb, and always drunk.
Some would say I was in love

I was sixteen.
My life was happy
And in your arms I could easily fall asleep.

I was sixteen.
With a happy mother.
When I called her you would flirt with me.

I was sixteen.
Stars in my eyes and whiskey in veins.
All of the world could see you were my everything.

I was sixteen.
After years of pretending and empty smiles
I finally found someone who truly believed in me.

I was sixteen
When you told me that I deserved to be free
So my heart grew wings and began to soar.

Now I’m twenty one.
Always stressed and depressed
In a constant state of grief and disbelief.

I’m twenty one
Getting drunk
Saying I need to run from memories.

I’m twenty one
You ask me why I’m crying
With a shot of tequila in each hand

I’m twenty one
When my world implodes
And honesty finally leaks through

I’m twenty one
With plenty to run from
But I’m not running away

I’m twenty one
Swaying in the wind
With me, you, and memories

I’m twenty one
When you hear the truth.
….

I only drink to chase sixteen.

—  Sixteen