that evil sorcerer

D&D Curses

There are initially four different ways to use the Bestow Curse spell in D&D 5e. Those are as follows:

  • Disadvantage on ability checks and saves for one ability score
  • Disadvantage on attacks against you
  • WIS save or do nothing during a given round
  • +1d8 necrotic damage when you damage them

The spell normally lasts for a minute, but if cast with a 9th level slot, it lasts until dispelled, which is worth noting because the best curses last until dispelled. if cast with a 4th level slot, it lasts for 10 minutes. A 5th level slot is 8 hours. A 7th level slot is 24 hours. These all have their uses for creative players, but the best part of the spell by far is the encouragement to invent your own curses, which many players and DMs have taken as a challenge for their own creativity. So while it is certainly not new, it’s my turn to take a crack at it!

Unique Curses

* - A curse marked with an asterisk is a 9th-level only curse due to its powerful detriment or long-lasting nature. But who is to stop you from enchanting an innocuous item with such a curse?

  • Hair Growth/Loss: You are cursed to grow hair at a rapid rate for the duration of the curse or else lose all of your hair (it grows back after the curse ends).
  • Mute/Deaf/Blind: You are rendered either mute, deaf, or blind for the duration of the curse.
  • Forbidden Speech: You are cursed to never speak about a certain subject, topic, or word for the duration of the curse.
  • *Rapid Aging/Deaging: You are cursed to either age by one year each day, or to grow one year younger each day. After you reach your final day, you die.
  • *Phylactery: Your fate becomes tied to a creature or object. If the creature or object is slain/destroyed, you die as well.
  • Ugliness: You are cursed with horrible deformity for the duration of the curse. You have -5 on Persuasion checks and Deception checks for the duration and are easily noticed and shunned by most humanoids of any race.

image source: Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn

  • Possessed Limb: One of your limbs (usually an arm) acts on its own for the duration of the curse, usually attempting to harm its host, harm others, or sow chaos.
  • Petrified Limb: One of your limbs becomes petrified and is unable to be used for the duration of the curse. It could turn into any solid mineral like stone, iron, glass, salt, or gold. Any damage it takes is retained once the curse is lifted.
  • Funny Looking: For the duration of the curse, anyone who you attempt to communicate with bursts into uncontrollable laughter. This does not prevent hostile creatures from attacking you, but prevents them from speaking.
  • Lichsight: For the duration of the curse, you can see the spirits of the dead. Whether real or illusory, you cannot communicate with them and you must make a WIS saving throw each round or become frightened and run in a random direction or cower in place (50%/50%).
  • Butterfingers: Each round while the curse is active, you must make a DEX saving throw. On a failed save, you drop whatever you are holding and cannot pick up or hold anything for the rest of the round.
  • Forgetful: You have a tendency to forget things. During the curse, whenever new information is revealed to your character, you have a 50% chance to not be able to remember it, even after the curse has ended.
  • *Lady of Shalott: You are doomed to die if you ever lay eyes directly upon another being, and must therefore look at the world through a mirror and avoid direct sight of others. The difficulty of maneuvering a hand mirror or the necessity to close your eyes effectively makes you blinded while in combat, imposing disadvantage on attack rolls.
  • Stingy: During the curse, you must make a WIS saving throw whenever you intend to part with money. On a failed save, you opt not to spend your money on it. You cannot make another such save for the same purchase, even from a different seller.
  • Empty Coinpurse: You are compelled to buy things until all of your wealth has disappeared. You will even go so far as to barter your own goods once out of money. Whenever you find something for sale, you must make a WIS saving throw. On a failed save, you will do anything you can to attempt to purchase it or trade for it. Only if the seller refuses three times will you give up.
  • *Baleful Polymorph: You are transformed into a small creature or tiny animated object for the duration of the curse. You retain the ability to speak using a disembodied voice emanating from the creature or object, usually paired with animation like a moving mouth (if a creature) or a mouth-shaped part (if an object; like a book opening and closing its covers and such). You can move with a move speed of 10 ft. per round if an object.

image source: Star vs. the Forces of Evil 

  • Talking Tumor: You grow a tumor-like second head that can speak that embarrasses, berates, or otherwise annoys and inconveniences you. It has +6 for Persuasion, Deception, and Intimidation checks, helping it be a complete jerk.
  • Evil Aura: Plants within 15 ft. of you wilt and turn brown or gray and animals within 60 ft. feel afraid or threatened by you for the duration of the curse.
  • Bad Taste: Eating food or drinking water causes you to become poisoned for 1d6 hours, or for the duration of the curse.
  • Bad Luck: Whenever you have advantage for the duration of the curse, you instead have disadvantage.
  • *Prophecy: You become destined to die under certain circumstances. Whenever it is possible for those circumstances to be met, you must make a relevant saving throw (falling boulder? DEX save. Poisoned apple? CON save. etc.) or begin dying. The victim cannot be threatened by the curse more than once every 2d4 hours. The curse will take increasingly convoluted measures to try and make the prophecy come true the longer the curse lasts.
  • *Guardian: The victim is polymorphed into a hostile creature of CR 6 or less. The victim is given some sort of command like guarding a location or spreading suffering, and will continue to do so until the curse is lifted or they are slain. They revert to their regular form if they are slain. The victim cannot communicate and is hostile to all creatures. The creature becomes immune to the charmed condition.

image source: Sleeping Beauty by Henry Meynell Rheam

  • Slumber: You fall into a deep slumber and cannot be awoken until the curse is lifted.
  • Eternal Rest: If slain while under the curse, you cannot be resurrected by any means even after the curse fades.
  • Phantasm: You believe that you have been polymorphed into a small creature (like a toad or chicken) and act as such for the duration of the curse.
  • Unquenchable Thirst/Hunger: You feel eternally hungry and thirsty. You must make a WIS saving throw whenever you encounter food or drink, no matter how dangerous or questionable it might be (swamp water, obviously poisoned food, moldy bread, etc.). On a failed save, you consume it.
  • *Obedience: Whenever someone you can understand issues a verbal command to you while you are cursed, you are compelled to obey. You may attempt a WIS saving throw to resist a given command for one minute.

Hold your tongue! (Ella Enchanted)

  • Magical Immunity: You become immune to nonharmful spells for the duration of the curse. Spells cast by enemies or damaging spells still affect you, but healing spells and buffs do not.
  • Unhealing Wound: A wound you have will never heal. Your maximum hit points are reduced by 2d4+the caster’s spellcasting modifier. This curse cannot reduce a creature’s health to 0 in this way.
  • *Wandering: While under the effects of the curse, you are compelled to wander. Each day at dawn, you must leave and never return to the same city/town or 2.5 mile radius (if in the wilderness).
  • *Deadly Descendants: All of your descendants are cursed to kill their birth parents, whether intentionally or not.
  • *Lonliness: You are cursed to die alone. Anyone you become romantically close to or close friends eventually leaves or dies or meets a horrible fate.
  • *Gargoyle: You are petrified during the daytime and return to normal at night for the duration of the curse.
  • Voyager: You cannot set foot on dry land for the duration of the curse, taking 1d6 psychic damage each round that you do.

Removing Curses

Yes, there’s always a Wish spell or a Remove Curse spell, but I often believe that if any cleric can remove a curse it undercuts the drama of the punishing spell. Instead, use an alternative way to remove the curse. Most of it depends on how the curse was placed and the reasoning behind it. For instance, if you refuse to give a gypsy shelter from the cold in your luxurious castle, you might get transformed into a beast until someone falls in love with you. Here are some ways that one could feasibly break a curse (if the situation allows).

  • Give back an item that was stolen from the caster
  • Complete a quest or mission for the caster
  • Kill the caster
  • Pass the curse onto someone else (through some deliberate means like a handshake or kiss or losing a wager)
  • Seek out a powerful extraplanar being
  • Seek out special magical ingredients for a cure
  • Find a loophole in the wording of the curse (either through tricky wording or by finding a liminal loophole. “No man of woman born” could exclude a man born by C-section. “Neither day nor night” could exclude twilight)
  • Change your alignment (an evil or chaotic character learns to be good or lawful.)
  • Change your ideal or traits after learning some sort of lesson
  • Overcome one of your flaws.
  • Let the curse run its course instead of fighting it.
  • Find true love/True love’s kiss etc.
  • Prove your worth to the caster
  • Atone for past sins
  • Selflessly risk your life for someone else
  • Convert a creature to worshiping the caster’s deity
  • Avenge the caster

image source: Disney’s Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Feel free to use this list and add to it your own ideas for curses! There are so many possibilities that it’s never out of the question to find a new curse that uses arbitrary magical rules to drive the plot of a story. I guess that makes curses the sitcoms of the fantasy world.

I was just remembering a D&D campaign I played a few years ago. I was playing a sneaky rogue. At one point before leaving on a quest, during some down-time, I’d had her pay a baker to make some bread chock-full of deadly nightshade berries. In the following quest, we were supposed to rescue this princess chick who’d been kidnapped by some evil sorcerer or something. And she was so fucking annoying, complaining about how slowly we’d been rescuing her, acting really shifty whenever we asked her any questions, making weird sexual promises to the Paladin, and whining about being hungry. So I offered her a chunk of my bread.

DM, who obviously had plans for this character: Is this the deadly nightshade bread? Yeah, she’s not gonna eat that.

Me: Why not? She said she was starving.

DM: Is that enough to kill her?

Me: I dunno. I think I read it takes 3 berries to kill a toddler. That chunk probably has, like, 20. If it doesn’t kill her, she’ll get terrible digestive issues, hallucinate like crazy, maybe convulse, and probably wish she was dead.

DM: Wouldn’t she taste something funny?

Me: Nope, the berries are supposedly pretty delicious.

DM: Well… she… she’s suspicious about why you’re giving it to her.

Me: Why the fuck is she suspicious? I’m rescuing her, and she said she’s hungry. I’m being nice. And she’s being rude.

DM: W-well… Paladin, aren’t you going to warn her about the nightshade?

Paladin: I wasn’t there when she paid the baker. I think it’s just bread.

Sorcerer: None of us knew. And she has no reason not to eat it.

DM *getting frustrated now*: Okay, fine! She takes it and… there’s a loud bang from further back in the cave, and she gets startled and drops it.

Me: What the hell. Here I am rescuing you, I give you my bread, and you insult me like this?

DM *playing as the princess*: Oh, uh, tee-hee? Sorry?

Me: Well don’t worry, princess. Of course I didn’t give you the whole loaf. Here, have another slice.

DM: She’s not hungry anymore.

Ranger: Bullshit. Eat up, princess.

DM: SUDDENLY THE EVIL SORCERER IS HERE, NO TIME FOR BREAD.

“He is stronger than I remember… But no matter. For you see, Iittle Samurai, the world is mine! My eyes and ears are everywhere. Nothing you do wiII go unseen. Quest as you may, but we wiII meet again–when I see fit, in a time and pIace of my choosing. And it is I who shaII put an end to the war started in that age Iong past, Samurai Jack!”

-Aku, “Samurai Jack”     

The Big Chomp

Backstory: so we’re playing the Tyranny of Dragons campaign and through dumb decisions and deliberately ignoring DM hints, we end up right in the middle of a big ol’ cult layer full of bosses and enemies. We’re kind of screwed. Our lovable bugbear fighter, our evil and horny elven sorcerer, and me our Far Too Chaotic dragonborn Cleric or Tymora.

Our Bugbear Fighter takes out the boss pretty quick but we’re still surrounded by 12 Kobolds and 2 Beserkers.

Dragonborn Cleric (Me): Okay so. There’s 6 flying Kobolds yeah?
DM: Yup
Dragonborn Cleric: Okay and how grouped together would you say they are?
DM: Oh they’re huddled up, Bugbear scared the shit out of them.
Cleric: Oh fantastic. I cast spiritual weapon
DM: Alllrighty what’s your weapon.

Cleric: A giant copy of my head
DM: … What.
Cleric: Tymora doesnt have any weapons associated with her. So I want to summon a gigantic floating version of my head right beside these flying kobolds.
DM: A-alright. What now?
Cleric: I roll to vore.
DM: Oh god.

*rolls high enough*
*hits every kobold down to one hp*

DM: Okay, god. All the flying Kobolds look like theyre dying and the non-flying Kobolds are so stupid they’re just attacking this big ghostly head.
*On my next turn *
Cleric: So now alllll the kobolds are grouped around the head yes?
DM: Jesus, yes.
Cleric: I roll to cronch

*rolls high*

DM:… In one mighty chomp you have managed to vore every single kobold to death in your mighty ghostly jaws. The big head swallows, satisfied, and the beserkers look distinctly ill
Sorcerer: I don’t know about anyone else but I’m aroused

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJPuZ3fveGI)

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Critical Role Escapes the Evil Sorcerer’s Lair (Escape w/ Janet Varney)

Guests Matthew Mercer, Marisha Ray, Laura Bailey, Travis Willingham, and Christopher Sabat come together and try to banish the evil sorcerer and escape!

So recently i started reading this manga Dungeon Meshi. I fucking love it.

So there’s this group of adventures exploring a dungeon RPG style, you know like go into the dungeon defeat the evil sorcerer kinda stuff. They get pretty deep in it and they run into a dragon.

They could totally take it down except there was one problem…they ran out of food and were way too hungry to take it on. So…

They got their asses handed to them. Their mage is casting their “get the hell out of there” spell but the main characters sister get eaten by the dragon. When he realizes what happen he wants to go back down on a rescue mission, if they can get there before the dragon finishes digesting her they can fix her up good as new.  BUT there are problems, the biggest one is

they broke yo. They dropped most of their loot when they were dying. They got no money to buy supplies, no money to replace the members that left, and not a lot of time to fix that problem. So our three brave adventurers decide to go in on their own with nothing but what they managed to have equipped. But how do they solve the food problem?

YEP! THE MC TELLS THEM THEY ARE GONNA EAT MONSTERS! But none of them have actually cooked or eaten monsters before. So the MC is about to cook a giant scorpion when this dude shows up

Meet Senshi, he has spent a decade in the mid part of the dungeon cooking and eating monsters. He gets interested when he finally meets some people who also want to eat monsters and decides to show them how to cook.

He knows his shit. So in case you haven’t figured it out…

This is a cooking manga.

AND THUS THESE FOUR BRAVE AND HUNGRY ADVENTURES BEGIN THEIR MISSION TO DEFEAT THE DRAGON AND SAVE THE MC’S SISTER!

…I just love the idea about it. It was a one shot that became a series. Give it a read if you want.

4

Aku: You are strong, yes. But in the future, my strength will surpass yours! 

Jack: There is no future for you, Aku! 

Aku: I disagree! 

Jack: What trickery is this? Aku!

Aku: Do not worry, Samurai. You will see me again. But next time you shall not be so fortunate… 

-”Samurai Jack”

Considering that according to Harry, Sign of the Times is the most literal song of the album and it’s apparently about a woman giving birth, I think everyone is being much too narrow minded in this lover versus childhood friend/sister discussion. Here are a few other suggestions for topics:

1. “Sweet Creature” is written from the perspective of a unicorn and a centaur that fell in love. 

2. It’s about the process of baking, drawing from Harry’s experiences as a baker.

3. It’s about a quest to save a puppy from an evil sorcerer who kidnapped her, and the trials and tribulations of crossing three-quarters-Earth. Features dragons. 

4. It’s about like, a nympho. 

Open to other suggestions though lmk what you think 

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Sofia the First - MY EVIL DREAMS

Wormwood:“ The princess may be nice to you but what about the rest?. All those who point and laugh at you must see that you are the best.”

Cedric:“I’ve always had so much to prove. I cannot hesitate.”

Poor Cedric. I was so sad for him in this scene . If only he had received a little more consideration and appreciation, he would have never become evil in the first place.

Tumblr posts comparing extroverts to introverts abridged.

Extroverts are loud obnoxious brainless viking warriors who will shit on your table and  uproot all of your potted plants. Their minds have been trapped in the party rock dimension by an evil sorcerer while their corporeal forms exist in our own plane of reality, causing them to stumble around in a constant unaware daze.

Introverts are super-genius shy fragile literal wood nymphs that shatter when exposed to direct eye contact subsist entirely on a diet of nothing but tea and the written word. Extending offers to social gatherings causes them to actually die.