that better be a day

the coolest thing about green day’s discography is the fact that you can literally grow up with them by listening to their albums in order.

a 17 year old singing about crushes and being scared about their future. a 23 year old singing about anxiety and starting a family. a 32 year old singing about their anger and dissatisfaction with the government and world events. a 45 year old singing about overcoming addiction and reflecting on past experiences.

and all this just makes me feel so much….relief. because all my current struggle are only temporary and even though i feel consumed by them right now, one day i’ll grow up and be so happy and look back at all this and realize that it’s all in the past.

6

DARK MATTER | 3.04

Opening scene.

the empress and her royal protector

i finally played dishonored :^)

4

06.24.17

My level of done-ness today reached a whole new peak after losing my phone in Berlin last night and having to call my dad at 5 in the morning Berlin time to ask what the fuck a girl’s gotta do to find her phone in a foreign city with no internet access or money to buy a new one. Ya know. Chill day. 

I know it’s the peak of privilege to be sad or whatever over a phone, but I’ve been thinking about it the entire day. How we place so much of every moment wanting to capture it, preserve it, and make it last just a little bit longer.But photos really don’t encapsulate experience, feeling does. Drinking rosé at a wedding in ten years and remembering the bottle we downed before going to the Burlesque club. Smelling cigarettes and being transported back to Roses bar at 4 in the morning. Smelling weed and remembering the woman from Kansas in the bar who insisted that we smoke for her in Amsterdam. 

Photos invoke feelings of experience, but they are not the experience itself. I get that confused in my head, so often thinking that ten more photos and selfies and screenshots will make a moment last just a little bit longer. I spend so much time wishing to make the moment last that I just…miss it entirely. 

So, here’s to my first real lesson since traveling again–we can always test our habits and routines and have a colossal fuck up once in awhile. I am so grateful, honestly, to be where I am and having these experiences. Losing photos from the past few years of my life, let alone this trip, doesn’t make the moment disappear. It’s just only a memory for my brain now, and that’s kind of beautiful. Some things are meant just for you. Embrace them.