that and i mean it would be horribly selfish of me and people would miss me but

History of YOI fandom

As a YOI fandom grandparent, I felt it was my duty to write out all the fandom explosions for the newer fans who weren’t there to witness the big bang and gradual week-by-week creation of this universe. All the arguments, people blowing things out of proportion, blaming characters, death theories, awesome fans clearing up miscommunications, YOI breaking the internet… 

This isn’t a post to call out specific people on their arguments and theories - I’ll stay respectfully away from restarting flames and picking fights, thankyouverymuch. Rather, this is an overview of the topics and conflicting views that swept across hundreds and thousands of people and prompted strong reactions. I’m doing this now, because I know that 6 months later, 1 year later, 3 years later, etc. there will be new fans who will have many of the same exact arguments. We’ve been there and done that. I see fans now who say things without knowing where the spelling/quote comes from, or who don’t realize how much has changed, or don’t know why there are certain perceptions of characters. So here’s a little bit of passing down history.

I also don’t want to forget the crazy ride this was. Laugh with me at the silly theories; smile with me at how deeply YOI has impacted our lives.
For those of us old-timers, let’s take a trip down memory lane. Remember when…

—————-
(Large arguments will be italicized or bold. Special thanks to @sachiro for reminding me of a bunch of stuff I missed, and looking over the draft in its various stages of being written and edited.)

Pre-series

  • Idea that there would be a love triangle (Yuri P.–Yuri K.–Victor)
  • Some fans started spelling Yuri Katsuki with two “u” in order to tell them apart.
  • Victuri ship name created for Victor x Yuri K. (in a comment to the PV)
  • The title
    • “lol ‘Yuri’ on Ice? Where are all the lesbians?”
    • “When it said Yuri on Ice, I thought we would get girls. Y’know what I mean?”
    • “Yuri on Ice? More like Yaoi on Ice! amiright?”
    • etc.
  • J.J. misspelling (English spelling “Jean Jack” instead of French Canadian “Jean-Jacques”)
    • you can see the remnants of this in the audience banners during the episodes, but it was corrected to “Jean-Jacques” on the official website and the in-show text
  • Phichit x Seung-gil ship created (there was more art for this than for Victor x Yuuri)

Episode 1

  • Victor vs. Viktor spelling arguments 
    • Although “Victor” is the official spelling and seen in-show, people argued that the creators are wrong and that we fans know better than them about Russian culture - thus the “Viktor” spelling was born.
    • People argued back that spelling is subjective and you can spell a name multiple ways and still be correct - thus transliterating his Russian name into English as “Victor” would be just as acceptable.
    • The YOI wiki held fast for a time on using official spellings and information from the official website, but the transition of power led to a new team that started using agreed-upon info rather than solely using official info. “Viktor” replaced “Victor” on the website.
      • this change from “Victor” to “Viktor” on the wiki happened around episode 2~3, but the arguments were in the page comments since episode 1 – with moderators explaining their reasoning with sticking to official sources.
  • Victor is a flirtatious over-the-top character who will seduce Yuuri
  • Victor is the overwhelming seme and Yuuri is the shy whimpering uke.

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Ephemeral

I wrote this a few months back for a short story assignment. It’s a bit different since it’s written in third person. Inspired by my lovely friend Colle (here’s her twitter!), who wrote a nice little thread that jump-started this scenario. Enjoy!


She exhaled a strong gust of breath upon the dusty books. The musty granules immediately hit her face and irritated her airways, elements of a sneeze tickling her nose. She removed the books from their perch on the mantle and set them at the bottom of the box. Remnants of life still permeated the old house, but everything was still save the gentle breeze that flowed past the thick curtains.

She wiped grime from an old photo film and held it up to the light. Various guests were depicted surrounding a banquet table illuminated under a brass chandelier, the same one that hung in the room beside her.

“Must be the previous owners,” she muttered, studying the image further.

She recalled the story her friend had told her of the history of the abandoned home: a spun-out tale about a wealthy family whose son had passed and whose soul continues to haunt the mansion. She had only rolled her eyes at the time, because the last thing she wanted to hear while moving in was a bogus ghost story.

She sighed, lifting white sheets from ancient furniture. Who knew how long it would take to appraise everything in the house. She had a long job ahead of her.

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By The Willow Shade

TITLE: By The Willow Shade

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 9

AUTHOR: MaliceManaged

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine being a witch (on Earth) and accidentally summoning Loki. He gets angry and confused, but ends up actually liking your company and teaches you more magic.

RATING: T

_________________________

    Thor left a little while later, and Loki had pulled Willow into a seat by the fireplace, sat across for her then proceeded to make her tell him about everything that happened in the time they’d been apart. Willow told him about the argument with her mother (leaving out the part where she’d slapped her, of course), the usual deal with her fellow classmates, and how she’d passed her final exams with mostly A’s and B’s (which he made sure to express how proud he was of). Loki listened to her ramble on about a band she’d discovered and the last book she read with a slight smile on his face; he had truly missed this. He knew most of what she told him (and many things she didn’t) from the news Heimdall sent him, but he liked the way she expressed her thoughts and feelings; it was so distinctly her.

    After a while, Willow finished recounting and turned the conversation to him. “So; what’ve you been up to?”

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Privileged (5/?)

Originally posted by madeealfaro

“Just as Bellamy and *yn*’s rocky relationship starts to improve it all comes spiralling down as a result of a pod from the Ark crashing on earth. Bellamy’s true agenda is revealed and Bellamy learns more about *yn*’s past and why she was sent to the ground.”

Warnings: Violence, swearing, mild angst 

Notes: Based on 1x05 “Twilight’s Last Gleaming” of the 100.

Series Masterlist


“*yn* wake up.” A voice spoke as hands shook her body, shattering *yn*’s stressful dreams. She groggily leaned up and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up from her uneasy slumber. 

“*yn* come on.” The voice urgently persisted which caused *yn*’s senses to sharpen much faster. She blinked a few times and looked over to see Octavia hovering over her. 

“I’m up, what’s wrong?” *yn* asked as she stood up from her bed.

“You need to take a look at this.” 

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For My Fellow Flash Fans

So, I’ve been scrolling through Tumblr, catching up on what’s been going on with the fandom.

And as I dive deeper and deeper into these posts, I see people hating on SnowBarry and people hating on WestAllen, people who remind us to consider Barry’s feelings, and people who try to bring peace between these two warring factions.

I wish that the words “It’s just a TV show” would help solve the problem but it won’t. We are fans who get sucked into different worlds because we want to meet the characters and get caught up in the story and hope that two people we like together end up as canon.

This is what I want to say to all of you:

I. AM. A. SHIPPER. OF. SNOWBARRY. Yes. But before you start with the slurs and the eyerolls, read on.

First off, when I first watched the Flash, I’m pretty sure I knew that WestAllen would be canon from the beginning. But instead, I found myself shipping these two people who lost people they loved and had the beginnings of a beautiful friendship.

For me, I claimed to have no problems with Iris as a character. And yet, I found myself hating it when she would help out around and STAR Labs or play the role of Barry’s girlfriend/love interest/inspiration.

So, now, I’m trying to be more open minded about them. I can see how happy Barry is around her and how she is always there for him for support and friendship.

But that’s the thing: I see them as GOOD FRIENDS. I felt that their romance wasn’t well developed for me. I felt that it wasn’t as real or as convincing to me. I felt that what they had was more of a brother and sister relationship.

If I was going to ship Iris with anyone, it was Eddie. They were so happy together. And their romance felt so much more real to me than WestAllen. 

Sadly, this hurt Barry, who we still need to consider.

I also realized that I didn’t think about Barry’s feelings about all of this. And I will admit, Barry is happy with Iris. I mean he bought an apartment for her just to prove how serious he is about her. Plus, let’s not forget the “Running Home to You” scene and how she saved him with her “I love you”.  So, point to all the WestAllens out there. But, I can’t help but think he could’ve been just as happy, maybe even more, with Caitlin. 

To me, he was the first person who got her to smile. Plus, that karaoke episode with them: just laughing and spending time with her. Plus, let’s not forget how he teased her the next day. I will also never forget how happy he was when Caitlin was away from Zoom and back with Team Flash. Seriously, he was just so lit up. 

That’s what I love about SnowBarry. They seem so natural and their moments are more subtle and not we-are-soooo-in-love compared to WestAllen. 

The thing about WestAllen is that their romance seems forced. I know they were childhood friends first but it just seemed so hit-me-in-the-face obvious that it didn’t feel real to me. The writers were trying really hard to play up the WestAllen angle. So sorry but nope, not buying it. 

And another thing: what happened to SnowBarry? They had so many great moments and as the seasons go down, they get fewer and fewer that we’re reduced to fangirl over them just standing beside each other. WHYYY????!!! I mean, so much ship tease in Season 1. And for what? NOTHING!!! 

I mean, if you didn’t want a ship to happen in the first place, stop dangling it LIKE. A. FREAKING. LOLLIPOP. 

Unfortunately, due to the Danielle’s and Grant’s great chemistry, they couldn’t kill the SnowBarry ship if they even tried. At best, I wish they made the best of their chemistry and diverge from canon like they did with Olicity.  

So, I will end my rant letter here. Yes, Iris is a good person and is a pillar in Barry’s life. She is his best friend and his love. But, I believe that Caitlin and he have something special or the potential to be something special. 

Unfortunately, the writers did not bother to look further into that than Season 1. Seriously, they missed out on making a great romance. 

So to all you WestAllen fans who think I’m being racist or stupid or biased, first of all it’s MY opinion. I have tried to be as unbiased as possible but I will always root for SnowBarry. There will be twinges of annoyance when I watch Iris and Barry have their moments together. But I will not, repeat NOT, believe she is a horrible person. Nobody deserves to become a horrible person just for getting in the way of a ship. Second, I have made sure I got my facts straight and if I’m wrong, just tell me as politely as possible. Third, I am not racist: I happen to like couples like Wally & Jessie or Cisco & Lisa (don’t know if that counts)

So, WestAllens, lay off us SnowBarrys. We like Iris, okay: we see that she is one of the least messed up characters on the Flash. She’s willing to sacrifice her happiness so that Barry could become the Flash and that she’s always there for Barry, in anyway she can. But I still don’t like how she tends to bring up their relationship at inopportune times, how it took finding about their married life to finally start falling for him, or how his love for her made him selfish enough to risk his friends’ lives just to save her. 

I will always like how Barry made Caitlin smile, how Caitlin was annoyed with Barry’s carelessness but she patched him up anyway, or how Barry was always there for Caitlin in the earlier seasons. 

So, I don’t like WestAllen but I like Iris. I like Caitlin and I like Barry (even though he’s made A LOT OF mistakes this season). I will try to see Iris in a better light than I did before. 

In the end, it’s just a TV Show. A TV Show with an engaging cast and storyline that you can’t help but get sucked into. 

So, whether you’re Team Caitlin, Team Iris, Team Barry, or you just want everyone to be happy, remember we’re all Flash fans here. And we just want the best for them in the end. 

Think Outside the Lovesquare Day 7: Soulmate AU

This is late, but to be fair, it also ended up being much longer than I expected. I wanted to write a Chlonette soulmate AU, and I wound up going with one where your injuries are healed when you’re close to your soulmate (from this list).


She wanted to believe it wasn’t just the ladybugs that healed her scraped knee. After all, she was sure it had healed itself before the hole in her pants had repaired itself. She desperately wanted to believe that Ladybug’s presence, just the fact that they were in contact had been what healed her.

Unfortunately, Chloe had no way to prove it.

Every time she got close to Ladybug, though, she couldn’t be sure or she wasn’t injured or any number of things stopped her from being able to confirm that Ladybug was indeed her soulmate. Akuma after akuma went by with nothing to show for it but more news for the Ladyblog. It wasn’t until Nathanael was akumatized and Chloe was bruised in the struggle that she was able to watch it fade away when Ladybug jumped in front of her.

They were definitely soulmates.

Now, she just needed to figure out a way to tell her. Maybe she could hire someone to spell it out with flowers in the park or build a commemorative statue in gold. Maybe she could pay Jagged Stone to write a song telling everyone that she, Chloe Bourgeois, was Ladybug’s soulmate.

“Marinette, could you pass these out to the class?”

Chloe barely noticed when Marinette stood and took a pile of papers from Mrs. Mendeleiev. She just held out a hand when it was time for her to take a sheet.

Marinette frowned and shoved it towards her.

“Ow!” Chloe scowled, glaring up at Marinette. “You cut me!”

“Where?” Marinette asked, looking down at Chloe’s fingers.

Which was odd, because Chloe had seen it. She’d felt it. She knew she’d gotten a papercut.

“Just be more careful,” Chloe snapped.

Marinette bristled and moved on, shooting her a nasty look.

Obviously, Chloe must have imagined it. Maybe it just felt like she’d gotten a papercut. Maybe she just wanted it to be a papercut because it was easier to be mad at Marinette when she could come up with a reason.

Then, she looked at the back of the page.

She wasn’t imagining a small line of her own blood on the page. She had definitely been cut. And she’d definitely been healed, which meant that Marinette was also definitely her soulmate.

And if Ladybug was her soulmate and so was Marinette, that meant…

Chloe jumped to her feet. “Mrs. Mendeleiv, I need to go to the nurse. I’m not feeling well.”

Their teacher rolled her eyes and gestured for Chloe to leave.

“Are you okay?” Sabrina asked, her voice soft as Chloe snatched up her things.

“No,” Chloe murmured, a sick feeling spreading through her stomach.

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anonymous asked:

What do you mean? (About what you said about Peridot earlier)

[original post that started this] [post anon is talking about]

I don’t think Peridot is evil. But it strikes me as funny to try to say Jasper and only Jasper is evil when:

“Jasper attacked the Crystal Gems a bunch of times!”

So did Peridot. In fact the first time we met Jasper, Peridot was actively trying to convince Jasper to attack the Crystal Gems when Jasper didn’t want to. Jasper used the corrupted Gems, but Peridot used machinery and death traps.

“Jasper dug up a bunch of Amethyst’s insecurities and rubbed her face in them?”

Back To The Barn with Pearl? Heck, if we’re considering hurting Amethyst’s feelings a specific category that means you’re evil I guess that Garnet (Tiger Millionaire) Pearl (On The Run), Steven (Steven Vs. Amethyst), Lapis (Ocean Gem), and Peridot (Too Far) are all super evil.

And if you want to say some of them don’t count because they apologized- Jasper’s relations with the Crystal Gems are about as rocky as the place she was born at this point because they’re pretty obviously a work in progress. Centipeetle wasn’t a snuggly bug friend in Gem Glow. People were super adamant that Peridot squishing a robonoid in Warp Tour was evidence that she would never turn around or change her mind and she’d teach Steven that sometimes you just have to take people down without mercy because they can’t be reasoned with.

But that sounds so ridiculous, right? We know Peridot. We’d miss so much good stuff without her as a character. We know people like Peridot- heck, I’m a lot like Peridot, and I’m not just saying that about the pretty and cute elements of her character. I can be callous. I can be selfish. There are times I’ve done almost exactly what Peridot did to Amethyst in Too Far- really hurt someone’s feelings because I just don’t stop to realize that something can be hurtful for someone else if it isn’t to me.

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Over time

Title: Over time

Pairing: Lucifer x reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: angst

Summary: Lucifer comes to see you after being away for an unusual long time. The two of you have an overdue conversation.

Request: Hey 😊 could I request a reader x lucifer where his wings are injured and he tries to hide it from the reader because he doesn’t want to seem weak, and she ends up helping patch him up? Thanks!

A/n: I tried with the request but I guess I got side tracked. Not sure if this full fills it. Let me know if you wanted something different and I try again ^^


“Lucifer?” Your voice was carful as you put your hand on the devils shoulder. He had been sitting on your sofa for a couple of hours, altering between staring at the wall and the floor. Something was clearly off but he wouldn’t talk. No matter how often you carefully called out his name and asked, he would just keep staring. It was unnerving, something you never had seen before in the usually more short tempered angel. You could handle his hissy fits by now, but this was new and you didn’t know how to deal with this side of him.

“Talk to me?” You asked softly, feeling him tense up under your touch. Lucifer had been out for a couple of days and this was the first small reaction you got out of him since he got back some hours ago.

“(Y/n)…” his voice sounded cracked like you never heard it before. This wasn’t the powerful carefree angel you had let into your life after he one day turned up out of nowhere. Something had seriously messed with him.

“You know I shouldn’t even be here. Never should have come and never should have stayed” His eyes were focussed on the floor and his body was slumped “But look at me now. A million reason’s to run as far as I can and yet here I am right back.”

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Come back to me (Part 2)

Paring: Bucky x reader

Warnings: Mentions of torture and violence, but then fluff!!

Word count: 1,346

Request: “Hi ! Could you write a Bucky x Reader based on Tell Her You Love Her by Echosmith please ? Like he broke her heart in the past because of HYDRA and a few years later, when he’s finally free and a new man, they cross path again ? That’d be lovely ! And your writing is sooo good ! Keep up the good work :)”

A/N: Hm I don’t like this part so much but here it is. I ran out of inspiration :(. Sorry this took soo long!! It might be a little slow going for me to get back into my writing groove because I’m just getting started with a new semester at school. Please be patient with me!! But good news, requests are open again!!

Part 1

Originally posted by vintagefangirll


Your POV

You stared into his cobalt eyes and readied yourself for the painful word that were sure to exit his mouth. You fidgeted with you hands nervously as he opened his mouth to speak.

“ I was born in 1917-”

“You were what? Bucky what do you mean you were born in 1917?” Your shock from his words was evident.

“Please Y/N just let me explain,” he pleaded. You swallowed your questions and nodded for him to continue.

“I was born in 1917 and when I was of age I signed up for the military and was sent into battle,” he stuttered out. It was hard to believe the words he was saying but his hands were trembling so it was evident that telling you this was taking a toll on him.

“I was captured and later rescued. It was when I was captured the second time that the horrors really set in. No one came to rescue me after that. I don’t know how many years I have been awake so I don’t know how old my body is. They tortured me, Hydra. They electrocuted me, wiped my memory, and forced me to do things, horrible things. I was their weapon, their asset. Whenever they weren’t using me they put me on ice,” his whole body was trembling now and tears started to prick at his eyes. You recognized the name of Hydra as most people did. Looking into his eyes, you did something you thought you’d never have to opportunity to do again. You reached across the table and held his hand.

“They- well they made me kill people. I remember all of it. I remember every face and every scream. That’s what my nightmares were really about. They also gave me this,” he stammered and motioned towards his metal arm. “Y/N I’m the winter soldier. I knew that I should’ve never let myself get close to you but before I knew it, I was in love with you. I- I couldn’t just leave you, even though I knew I should’ve. I should’ve protected you but I loved you too much to leave. I still love you too much to stay away.” He was crying now and you stood up from your seat and crouched down in front of him. You brought his head to rest over your heart and ran your finger through his hair as you had done so many times before he left you. The tears leaked out of your eyes unwillingly as you cradled the broken man that you loved in your arms. You had heard the legends of the winter soldier but never once had you thought it was true, until now.

“When I met you, I had been escaped from Hydra. Somehow I broke my way out of one of their facilities where they kept me and ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. Then I bumped into you. I stopped running and I fell in love instead. I thought that if I just laid low with you, lived a normal life, hid my arm well enough, they wouldn’t find me. They did. We were walking hand and hand in the mall when I saw the first group of suspiciously dressed individuals. They started showing up out of nowhere. I knew it was them. I always knew they would find me but I always prayed that they would give me a little more time with you. I always thought there was more time, until time was up. The night that I left I decided that I could no longer be selfish and put your life in danger. They would surely use you to get to me so I did the only thing that I could think to do to protect you. I ran. I did it all for you. After all these years I still feel the same as I did when I first met you I just wish we could’ve had more time. I have some people who are protecting me now. Really one of my best old friends. I’ll be fine so you don’t need to worry about me. I thought I owed you an explanation for all the pain I must’ve caused you.” He held you at arms length as he stood to look into your eyes. All you could do was blink at him through your tears. Here he was, the love of your life, right in front of you and no words would escape your mouth. You were stunned into silence.

He took your silence as an invitation to leave and slowly dropped his arms to his sides. He began to walk towards the door when your mouth caught up with your brain.

“Wait Bucky,” you said and reached out to take his hand. He turned around to face you and held your gaze with wide eyes. You gripped his hand and he grasped yours as if his life depended on it.

“Stay, please. Don’t go. I have spent far too long without you as it is,” his eyes widened at your words.

“Y/N what do you mean?” He stuttered.

“James, I still love you. I haven’t-”

“Y/N you don’t want me. Did you even hear what I just told you? I’m a monster. You deserve to be safe and happy.” He whispered intensely.

“Listen to me,” you stated and locked your eyes with his.

“You make me happy. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. The day you left was the worst day of my entire life and if I never have to experience being without you again, I won’t. If you’ll have me, that is,” you whispered and reached your hand up to touch his cheek. He leaned into your palm involuntarily. You stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“Y/N are you sure? I don’t know if I could live with myself if I put you in danger again,” he stared at the floor as the word poured out of him.

“Bucky, I would rather live for one year with you than live to be one hundred without you. You have no idea how much I have missed you. The demons of your past don’t change how I feel. I know that you are a good man and-” you faded off. You knew what you wanted to say so you took a deep breath and spoke.

“-And I want to marry you. The only thing I am sure of in this life is that I want to be with you for as long as I have left. I love you with everything I have and if you’d have me, I’d marry you tomorrow.” Your eyes flicked to the floor with nervousness. Bucky’s audible gasp filled the room and everything was eerily quiet for a moment. When your eyes met his face again you could see that under his tears, a massive grin was forming.

“You are just as intoxicating as I remember,” he said and smiled. “Of course I’ll marry you.”

You threw yourself into his arms and he kissed the top of your head.

“Bucky?” You broke the silence of your embrace.

“Yes, love?”

“Please don’t ever leave me again.”

“Never.”

. The entire cast ships Emison, The spouses of the cast ship Emison, Sasha’s fiancé ships Emison and Emily and Alison’s mom’s ships Emison ❤️ But the haters are trying to judge Adult Alison for her awful ways as a teenager. She is a product of her environment and any psychologist will tell you that. Her mom started teaching Alison to be a manipulator and liar to get her way from she was at least 4,Just so she(Jessica) can continue to hide Charles from Kenneth.. Alison’s mom almost took off her head because she thought her daughter was on the losing end of the bullying she thought was perpetrated by Spencer. She made it clear she better find a way to win, Jason interjected with “spoken like a true debutant? ”. You’re forgetting a child whose brain isn’t fully formed until 24 that repeatedly hears she needs to be perfect by any means possible and was taught to lie and manipulate to get their way will start to act out because their brain is being “Moulded" to think that’s right. Alison thought she had to be perfect at everything to please her parents especially her mom. Just look at the fact she had someone else win that archery medal for her, It isn’t because she’s a bully that wants to look good, She’s a child that feels like she needs to look good because growing up her mom would mostly dote over her when she excelled at something.. Alison ALWAYS had a sweet side which we now see is the real Alison, Hence the girls go to answer when people asked “why would you still be friends with her” Is “Because she can make you feel special” Alison thought she had to look perfect and presentable for her mom to the point she became bulimic, and in her mind at the time that’s a good thing because the end result was her mom’s praise, so she passed it on to Hanna, not because she’s a horrible person trying to corrupt Hanna, but because it got her what she wanted which was her mom’s adoration. So at that point bulimia to her was synonymous with good, because at the end of the day her mom would show her off to the world even though all she wanted was unconditional love. She figured it helped me get what I want, so it can get Hanna what she wants. A child who wasn’t taught proper coping mechanisms will not have anything to compare a bad thing to, so they won’t know right off the bat that what they’re doing isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. Alison is not selfish. Alison thought her life was in danger cause of some “shadow psychopath”, so she did what a lot of kids would do in that position and that was to run away and hide. She still came back and saved the girls from dying. She saved Emily multiple times and on one occasion asked her to run away with her.. Alison was careful to not lie to the girls when she visited them and they thought they were dreaming. There was one time one of the girls asked Alison if she’s dead and she replied with “do I look dead to you?“, if you re-watch her interactions with them when she visited them she would always answer them but it was never a lie. She visited Hanna in the hospital which was a big risk because everyone knows who Alison is and there were security cameras. Alison kept a diary for her PRIVATE thoughts and she wrote about her “mermaid” and “crush” citing “girl crush kissed me today”..ok so who is Alison trying to fool into thinking her feelings are genuine for Emily since her diary was private? It was for her eyes only and she wrote about Emily, so tell me who she was trying to fool. Alison struggled with her sexuality and coming out, because once again to her at the time that isn’t perfect and her mom demands nothing less than perfect. It’s a pity she doesn’t know her mom was rooting for her and Emily. You can argue that Alison is faking her feelings, but when she was drugged up in Welby and Emily visited her, Alison’s reality at that moment was She and Emily going away to Paris and the fact she was scared they would miss their flight to Paris. A convo she and Emily had when they were 15 stuck with her until she was 23. What’s interesting is the haters condemn Alison because “she was a bad person” and in the same breath turn around and say “you can’t judge Paige from her past, people make mistakes”
Let me just say to that *clears throat* ATTEMPTED MURDER BECAUSE YOU’RE MAD THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS BETTER THAN YOU AT SWIMMING IS NOT A MISTAKE. From the age of four onwards a person should know that murder is wrong, but hey let’s forgive the attempted murderer but condemn someone for bullying with words. Bullying is horrible, but attempted murder is out of the ballpark wrong.. English is my second language. Sorry for my mistakes I am still learning. I’ve only been speaking it for 6months

How Dead Hannah Baker keeps the Manic Pixie Dream Girl Trope Alive

*pictured above: Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford) from 13 Reasons Why


***SPOILERS AHEAD FOR 13 REASONS WHY, PAPER TOWNS, 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. AND ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND!***

I know that some of you may be wondering what exactly is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Well there’s no text book definition but here’s one I found online from urbandictionary.com:

“A Manic Pixie Dream Girl or MPDG, is a term coined by film critic Nathan Rabin after seeing Elizabethtown. It refers to “that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures.” A pretty, outgoing, whacky female romantic lead whose sole purpose is to help broody male characters lighten up and enjoy their lives.”

Now that you have an idea of what this is I’ll start by giving you examples. Usually the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, MPDG for short, is only there so the nerdy usually white male that is obsessed with them can grow from the experience with them. Now I know you’re thinking “how exactly do I spot one of these creatures?” Well guys it’s very easy and I’ll give you some tips. Most MPDG’s are white, have a wild outlook on the world, and are deemed gorgeous by the general public. 

*pictured above: Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) and Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

The first MPDG I can think of is Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. She is a wild says whatever is on her mind kind of girl and meets poor Joel on the train. This film happens through flashbacks and dreams showing how happy she made him. The relationship went sour which it usually does with a MPDG and they both have each other erased from their memories. Dramatic, I know, but losing her and getting her back helps Joel in some crazy way. It’s like without her he can’t fully live his life and that’s just sad.

*pictured above: Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt) and Summer (Zooey Deschanel) in 500 Days of Summer

People love this movie and don’t even realize that Summer is problematic as fuck. Summer is this cool girl who doesn’t believe in love and basically drags poor Tom around for you fucking guessed it, 500 days. Tom thinks that Summer is the one for him and tries to date her and show her love exists. Even though they do end up dating things fall apart because cool, secure, witty as all hell Summer is still scared of love. I mean I thought that was a LA thing. It doesn’t take Tom to realize how pathetic he is until he sees Summer at a park AND REALIZES SHE FUCKING GOT MARRIED. Summer’s excuse is that she wasn’t sure about Tom but she was sure about her husband now…. LOL need I say more? 

*pictured above: Margo (Cara Delevigne) and Quentin (Nat Wolff) in Paper Towns.

Last example is John Green’s book turned film Paper Towns. Quentin has been in love with the popular girl next door Margo. One random night Margo climbs into Quentin’s window and asks him to get revenge on her now ex boyfriend. They spend the whole night at the store getting supplies, ruining the boy’s car, and looking over the city they live in. Margo feels stuck where she is and unlike feels different tan her friends. Spoiler alert: she’s not. At the end of the night they both go home and of course nerdy Quentin is blissed the fuck out. Before I go in on this, we have to acknowledge that all of John Green‘s main characters are MPDG’s. It’s basically his forte. But I digress. Quentin wakes up and, surprise, Margo has gone missing. Quentin is determined to find her and believes that she left clues for him. Quentin his two friends and Margo’s bestie go on a roadtrip from florida to upstate New York and find themselves while trying to find Margo. His friends eventually leave him because no way in teen rom com hell are they going to miss the prom. Quentin stays and eventually finds the girl of his dreams. Turns out Margo didn’t want to be found at all and just like Tom in 500 days of Summer Quentin looks like a fucking dumb ass. Quentin makes it home in time for prom and enjoys it with his friends cause in the end that’s all he really needed… but it took a cross country road trip trying to find a selfish teen girl who doesn’t care about you to figure that out. Nice!

*pictured above: Clay Jensen (Dylan Minnette) and Hannah Baker (Katherine Langford) in 13 Reasons Why

As we all know Jay Asher’s book 13 Reasons why has been turned into a tv show on Netflix. The premise is that high schooler Hannah Baker has killed herself and left 13 tapes for certain people to listen to. If you’re on this tape, you’re one of the reasons why she’s gone. Creepy right? Well in the book, which is only 288 pages, Hannah is a sweet girl who seemed to have the worst time of her damn life. The book is short so it seems like every event that happened to Hannah happens like one day after the other. Clay listens to his friend’s tapes in one night and it really hits you in the gut. Personally I like the book better but I am here to address the show. If you want to read my full opinion on the entire show you can do so by clicking here

The problem with the Tv series is that by stretching the fuck out of this book they have to add on to the characters. Unfortunately Hannah is made into a MPDG from beyond the grave. In the show Hannah is deemed pretty by everyone around her. If the high school jocks think you’re hot, you’re golden am I right? What makes Hannah a MPDG is the way she treats poor Clay Jensen. Clay is the main character in the show and you find out what happens to Hannah by watching him listen to the tapes. SInce it takes Clay fucking weeks to listen to 13 DAMN TAPES only through flashbacks do you get to see what Hannah is truly like. Hannah on the show confused me after I watched it. I was like “Why don’t I like her?” Don’t get me wrong I felt for the girl and everything that happened was horrible but something was just off. She talked to Clay all the time in witty banter and even gave him a nickname. There were so many chances where she could have just kissed him or got alone time but she didn’t. The other problem with Hannah Is that she was so confident and cool, and filled with teen angst, it didn’t make sense for her to care about what people thought. It’s like she had two personalities. When we see her with Clay she’s this smart funny girl who seemed unattainable but when we see her with virtually anyone else she’s insecure and dying for attention from any popular boy in school. Hannah makes it seem as if Clay isn’t good enough for her when in reality he’s the only person she has. In the 12th episode while Hannah is taking a walk she ends up at a house party where all the popular kids are. Even though she thinks Clay hates her at this point she could’ve tried to talk things out with him. It just frustrates me that she would go to a rapist’s house cause she’s that desperate for attention. Why fight for these douche bags that have done nothing but hurt you instead of fighting for Clay? 

Clay shows character progression only when he’s listening to the tapes. Hearing his dream girl tell the stories before her untimely death makes Clay a better person to people around him. I mean that is the point of all this but at the same time, it shouldn’t take tapes from a girl who has committed suicide to realize that hey, high school is hard don’t be a fucking asshole to people. Clay also grows some balls while listening to the tapes. He basically yells in the middle of the school hall and even lowkey bullies this kid Tyler. I mean Tyler was a creep but bullying someone would be the last thing on my agenda while listening to a dead girl’s tapes. I wrote this for me to get my thoughts out cause everyone keeps asking me about this show. Every conversation I have I always say that I didn’t really like Hannah so if you think Hannah kind of sucks I’m here with you. Hannah is the most twisted MPDG ever and yes it’s because she’s dead. Clay only grows while listening to these tapes which is kind of in a way fucked up. Even though Clay, unlike the book, gets justice for two sexually assaulted girls and Hannah’s life it shouldn’t take Hannah’s 13 tapes to grow. Hannah killing herself should’ve made everyone change and grow on their own.

I know at this point you’re probably saying “ I read this long ass article what is the point?!” The point is that women are not objects. Being a woman is hard and having to grow up is truly a journey. You have media constantly showing you how the perfect woman acts or talks or dresses. Going through high school you have to deal with the pressure of society and unfortunately care about what your peers think. I grew up from my own damn experiences. I didn’t just find myself cause I left a boyfriend or cause I cut my hair I learned that I am what I am and I can’t change that and I’m very happy with who I turned out to be. This is especially hard to do when you’re a black girl like me raised in an all white community. Why must men in these movies need a girl for them to realize who they are? I’m not saying it’s easy to be a boy but come on dude the girl of your dreams isn’t gonna finally give you this sense of Omg I know what my purpose in life is. Your dream girl is not your mom teaching you about life. You know what’s right and what’s wrong without a girl whispering you to the right direction in your ear. You can only figure out who you are by being you and it is completely possible for films and TV shows to show this without a MPDG. I know the show 13 Reasons Why is supposed to show how small things matter and can snowball into this big thing. I get it I really do. The problem is that they could’ve shown that making Hannah solely the victim and not a jaded Manic Pixie Dream Girl. 

Ride or Die (Barry Allen x Reader)

Originally posted by claraoswan

Requested by: anonymous “i have an idea for a oneshot of barry/cisco x reader from a convo i’ve actually had: 1: “you know what let’s freaking fight” 2: “i’d rather make out.” 1: “what” 2: “what?” 1: “i mean i’m down, but that was unexpected.” the reader can be either :)”

Word Count: 1,065

Masterlist

Author’s Note: So this’ll be the last imagine for a while, probably like a two or three days haha bc um my laptop broke so im using my mom’s rn and it’s in her room and she’ll be SUPER confused as to why im in there 24/7 so…anyways thanks you guys AND IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FORGIVE ME


“That’s it! I’m done!” you said frustrated. Barry was smiling like what happened was some kind of joke, making you even more irritated. “Barry, seriously, this isn’t funny.” You crossed your arms in anger. 

He had been messing around with your computer when he accidentally deleted all of the pictures that you’d taken on your trip to Europe. All.

You had been wanting to go and explore that continent for the longest time and when you had finally done it with a group from your college, of course you’d taken photos. A couple hundred actually. 

You loved that trip and when you figured out that all of the pictures were gone, you were mad. Beyond mad. You were so frustrated and angry that you could feel tears building up, blurring your eyesight. 

And that wasn’t all of it. Lately, your boyfriend, Barry, had been bailing on your dates. Now, you knew he was the ‘oh so famous’ Flash. You loved him for it and you respected it. But when he had cancelled five dates already, you were angry. And hurt.

But you didn’t say anything. What were you supposed to say? ‘Oh, Barry. Stop saving Central City and come have a date with me’? No, you couldn’t. That would make you sound selfish and barbaric.

So you kept it in.

And now, after a horrible day at school, you had come home to this. And Barry was about to start laughing. Really, if you were a cartoon, smoke would be fuming out of your ears.

You took one long deep breath in and tried to calm yourself. Sadly enough, it didn’t work. 

“You think this is funny?” you asked, clenching your fists.

“I mean, it’s pr-” Barry started, looking at the laptop but then saw your facial expression which clearly told him not to continue that sentence. “Oh, no. It’s not funny. At all,” he stuttered.

“You-.” You gestured to the laptop. “You just deleted all of my photos, Barry!” you said with a raised voice.

“It’s okay, Y/N. You can-” he continued but you cut him off.

“What, Barry? I can what?”

“Y/N, I didn’t want to fight, but if you’re gonna act like this-” Barry said, getting interrupted again.

“Oh, oh,” you scoffed. “Okay, so it’s my fault? You know what? Let’s fight, Barry! Let’s freaking fight!” you yelled, letting your built-up anger out.

Barry shook his head and scoffed back lightly. “I’m not gonna fight you, Y/N,” he told you with a cocky smile.

You squinted his eyes at him. “Are you kidding me? Why not? What, you can’t take the heat?” you asked him. You actually thought his douche stance was one of the hottest things that he could do, and no matter how badly you wanted to be mad at him, that smirk would get you every time.

He leaned against the wall with arms crossed and shrugged, acting as if he didn’t care.

“I mean,” he paused in mock thought, one eyebrow quirking up, “I’d rather make out. But that’s, you know, your preference.”

This made you pause. You raised your eyebrows in surprise yet you could feel a blush rising from your cheeks. And it wasn’t from anger. Even though you and Barry had made out many times, and gone further than that, just the word makes you turn red. 

“What?” you questioned, trying to keep your voice steady. 

Barry looked at you as if you just had said something that he didn’t hear. “What?” he asked, acting confused.

You glared at him. This tall, hot, arrogant, headache of a boyfriend was making your emotions go into haywire. And, for some unknown reason, you loved it.

You chuckled and let your arms dangle by your sides. Shrugging, you replied back to his proposition. “I mean, I’m down, but really Barry. That was totally unexpected.”

And just like that, the core of your anger melted away and the only thing that you could focus on was his lips on yours.

He grinned at you before crossing the room to where you stood. Barry grabbed you by the waist and came to kiss you. At first, it was a regular kiss, but when you tangled your fingers into his hair and pulled lightly is when it got more heated. 

He pulled you closer, your bodies melting into each other. Barry’s hand came to grab the back of your head, pushing your lips tighter against his. His tongue licked your lips, mutely asking for an entrance that you gladly gave. 

You moaned into the kiss, feeling his tongue against yours. 

But then you pulled away, remembered the reason why you were mad in the first place.

“Mm, Bar,” you whispered. He resorted to kissing down your neck and sucking on one spot. Oh, that’ll leave a hickey later.

“I’m supposed mad at you, Barry Allen,” you said teasingly. Instead of stopping, however, he bit the raw spot on your neck, sending a blissful feeling throughout your entire body. You hummed in pleasure.

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” he murmured against your neck, finding another spot to suck. “They’re all in the backup folder.”

“What?” you asked, slightly pulling away. “Really?”

He sighed, missing your warmth against him. “Yes, really. Now come back here,” Barry mumbled, grabbing your cheeks to crash his lips against yours.

You smiled into the kiss, pushing him onto the couch that was behind him. You crawled onto his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I’m still mad at you. I still need to talk to you,” you murmured against his swollen lips.

“And I still wanna make out with you,” Barry said. With that, he carried you and flip the two of you. You laid under him as he hovered above with on his elbows. You squealed as Barry pecked you lightly on the lips.

“I could stay like this all night,” he whispered. You beamed at him. You knew that there was still unfixed problems between the two of you, but right now, you could care less.

“Why not?” you said.

Barry’s smile grew big before showering you with kisses. You knew that Barry would make you mad again, and vice versa. But, it was okay. You knew that it would be okay, because you loved each other. 

And if two people loved each other so much, they could overcome any fight that they faced. Together.


The End

Masterlist

Author’s Note: So I hope that you guys liked this imagine:) idrk how good it is haha but this’ll be the last one for a few days:( I will try to write one tomorrow too but it probably wont be until I get my new laptop which will be…idk when bc THE MAILMAN IS TAKING IS SWEET TIME SHIPPING IT anyways love you guys and see you soon!

Nessian Collab. Part 12

Collab with the oh so brilliant @cataclysmic-star

Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and 11 (Part 13)

Cassian POV (1038 Words)


Kissing Nesta was unlike kissing any girl I had ever kissed before. I was still a little out of breath from the flying and lying on my wings meant that I was balanced uncomfortably where the muscles jutted out from my back, Nesta was inexperienced and lying on top of me, so by all accounts, most people would have viewed the kiss as awkward and sloppy, but with the intensity of the mate bond sitting between us, it was magical. I was still out of breath from the flying so I had to pull away sooner than I would have liked, but that wasn’t the only reason I regretted it. With her lips free of mine, Nesta resumed her speech and I was powerless to stop it. As she spoke, she sat up and though I was glad of the release of weight from my wings, every inch of me mourned the loss of contact.

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One of a Kind (Jelena One Shot)

One of a Kind (Jelena One Shot)

Request:  Oneshot about jb maybe not handling Abel and Selena well. He gets drunk or high and abels there and Abel realizes that JB and sel belong together and he lets Selena go and Selena and jb talk and end up together

Inspired by @sellyonjerry’s newest one shot ‘For Now’

Third Person’s POV

So maybe he shouldn’t have smoked that last joint.

Or the one before that.

Or the one before that.

But in his defense, it was 4/20. He was meant to blaze it.

It was what the day was for. Getting high.

But in hindsight maybe getting high wasn’t the best idea.

Especially based off his track record.

He did said things, and did things, he wouldn’t even dream of doing sober.

When Justin Bieber got high, all common sense flew out the window.

There was no telling right from wrong.

Besides, everyone knew he was an emotional person.

And considering the love of his life was happy with another man, he wasn’t in the best place emotionally.

And what better time to pour his heart out to a stranger than when he was high out of his mind?

So since his filter was off, and his emotions were too strong to be kept buried, he decided it would be a good idea to rattle off his love story, albeit not a traditional one, to whatever unlucky human decided to join him on the roof of the club.

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“What are you doing up here all alone? I’m pretty sure I saw a bunch of your friends downstairs.”

The familiar voice pierced the somewhat silent night.

He wasn’t sure who it was and he didn’t bother to look, instead choosing to keep his gaze on the sky.

Not like it would have made much of a difference.

He was high out of his mind. His vision was blurry. He was sure he would see nothing more than a silhouette.

“Needed to be alone I guess.” He answered. Even though he wasn’t in the right mindset, his voice never wavered. It was a talent that only Justin Bieber seemed to possess.

He could be wasted to the point where he couldn’t remember his own name but his voice would never show it.

It was something Selena hated because he used it to his advantage to lie to her when he had been smoking and drinking daily, despite everyone telling him not to.

“Do you ever think back on what you had and hate yourself for taking it for granted?” He asked suddenly causing the twenty-seven year old to turn his attention to him.

“Well, I mean, I regret some things, yes. And I wish I had done them differently but I wouldn’t go as far to say as I hate myself.”

The younger boy shrugged. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I mean, I had the perfect girl you know? She was beautiful. I used to call her my angel. I even have a tattoo of her with angel wings.” He smiled, mindlessly touching his tattoo.

Abel remained silent, realizing that he was talking about Selena, who happened to be his girlfriend.

“She really is an angel. She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. She has pretty brown hair that’s super soft and silky. And brown eyes that I used to get lost in. It sounds crazy but it’s true. Sometimes she’d be talking and I wouldn’t hear anything cause I’d just be looking at them. And her smile, God her smile. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to put that smile on her face. And her laugh was contagious. If you heard it, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from joining her.”

His voice faded as he got lost in his memories. He shook his head as if to clear it then resumed speaking.

“She has the biggest heart. She loves to help people. And she loves dogs, she has like a billion. Not to mention all children love her. She’s going to be an amazing mom. You know we had everything planned out? Our entire future together. From our wedding to how many kids we were going to have and what we were going to name them. Where we were going to live, what our house was going to look like. I don’t think she knows it, but I already had our proposal planned out. I wrote a speech and found the ring and everything. It was supposed to be in Central Park. But shit happens I guess. Well more like I happened.”

His voice turned bitter and he cast his head downwards.

“I got so into the partying lifestyle, I didn’t even realize what I was doing. How much I was hurting her. We broke up and then got back together and after that it became this long, never-ending cycle. We just kept hurting each other. It was horrible. God I was horrible to her. I wouldn’t blame her for hating me. I hate me.”

Abel’s eyes grew wide as Justin’s voice caught and he realized he was crying.

“And now she’s moved on. And she’s happy. And I hate it. And I know that sounds horrible of me because I do want her to be happy but I’m selfish and I want her to be happy with me. We were supposed to have our fairytale ending together. I’m supposed to wake up every morning with her in my arms. I’m supposed to bring her breakfast in bed and take her shopping and buy her mountains of gifts even though she says she doesn’t want them. I’m supposed to spoil her. I’m supposed to rub her feet when they’re sore and take care of her when she’s sick. We’re supposed to tuck our children in every night and tell them stories and sing them lullaby’s together. We’re supposed to watch them grow up. She’s supposed to comfort me when I don’t want my little girl to date or when I’m crying cause she’s getting married and I’m supposed to hold her when she’s emotional cause our baby boy found the girl of his dreams. We’re just- we’re supposed to love each other until our dying breaths.”

He choked on a sob.

“A-and she’s going to do all that with someone else and it hurts. It hurts cause I’m stuck here and I can’t get over her no matter how hard I try because I love her more than anyone could ever imagine but it’s too late. I screwed us up. It’s all my fault. I deserve it you know? I deserve to suffer while she moves on because of all the pain I put her through. I know that. I know she’s better off without me in her life but I’m not. It’s so hard cause I miss her every single day. I need her but I can’t have her. I messed up. She’s gone for good. But I-I just want her. I love her and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can only fake a smile for so long.”

Every emotion he had been hiding came to the surface.

He was done pretending he was okay.

Thanks to the drugs, he could no longer keep a grip on his mask. It had to come off.

Abel stood in silence as he watched the younger boy tuck his face into his hands as his entire body shook from his sobs, his heart going out for him.

He knew that he couldn’t stay with Selena.

Not when there was someone who loved her this much. More than he would ever love her.

And he knew that even though she didn’t want to admit it, she loved Justin just as much as he loved her.

And so, he made it his personal mission to play cupid for them both.

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“Wait wait wait wait wait. Let me get this straight. You’re dumping me so I can get back together with Justin?” The brunette asked in confusion.

“Yes.” He nodded in confirmation to what she was saying was indeed correct.

“I don’t understand. Why?”

He sighed. “Because, I saw him break down with my own two eyes. The guy’s heartbroken Sel. He misses you.”

She crossed her arms, ignoring the pang in her heart. “Good. Now he knows how I felt.”

“Exactly. And he regrets hurting you.”

“As he should.” She would not give in. She would not go back to him. That chapter of her life is over.

“Selena. Justin said that he hated himself okay? He hates himself for hurting you. He said that he deserved every ounce of pain he’s going through because that’s what he did to you. He told me that he had you entire future planned out, including the speech he was going to use when he proposed to you. Believe me, if you heard what I did, you would not be arguing with me on this. You would already be with him.”

“Why are you so hellbent on getting us back together?” She frowned.

“Because you two love each other goddammit!” He exclaimed in exasperation. “He kept calling you an angel. He has you on this pedestal. Selena that boy loves you more than anyone ever will and I know you feel the same way about him. That kind of love is one of a kind okay? It doesn’t happen to anybody. It’s something most people can only dream about finding and I am not about to sit here and let you two throw it all away! Now for the love of all things holy, go get your man would you?”

She was taken aback at how important it seemed for her to be with Justin to Abel so without another word, she left to go find Justin.

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“Justin, door’s for you.” His maid came into his bedroom.

“Tell whoever it is to go away.” He grumbled, not in the mood to deal with anyone.

His head hurt, his eyes burned, his limbs were so and he had no idea what happened the night before nor how he got home.

All he knew was that he felt like shit and he wanted Selena.

He always wanted Selena.

Just as he closed his eyes and pulled the blanket over his head, his bedroom door opened again.

“I said go away.” His voice was low and hoarse. She frowned at how rough he sounded.

“I wish I could but my now ex-boyfriend demands I speak to you.”

He immediately shot up at her voice, holding his head in his hands as it began to spin.

He groaned involuntarily as his blurry vision began to focus, wondering if he was still high or if she was really here.

She stood wide-eyed and just how horrible he looked.

Abel was right. He was suffering.

His eyes were red and puffy, evidence that he had cried a large amount.

Apart from that, there were purple bags under his eyes that suggested he hadn’t been sleeping well.

His clothes were rumpled and his hair was sticking up in all directions.

Somehow he seemed older than 23 with how stressed he looked.

Suddenly, all she wanted to do was hug him and take away his pain.

She shook her head at the thought, deciding to stand her ground.

“Se-Selena?” He questioned hesitantly.

“Hey.”

“What-what are you doing here?” He asked in a shaky voice.

Seeing her standing in front of him with her arms crossed and a bored expression on her face made him want to cry.

Things used to be so different.

And it was all his fault.

“What did you say to Abel last night?”

His heart dropped and he closed his eyes, forcing his tears back even as the pressure in his chest increased.

Of course. It was something to do with Abel. It was always something to do with Abel.

What had he done now? He couldn’t remember seeing Abel last night, much less talking to him.

“I,” He stopped, coughing to clear the lump in his throat before he continued, “I don’t know. I can’t remember.”

“How high were you Justin?” Her tone made him feel like a child being scolded by his mother.

How many times had he gotten high when they were together?

Wasn’t that what damaged their relationship in the first place?

And yet here he was.

“I don’t know.” He bowed his head in shame, sniffling as one lone tear managed to escape the inner corner of his left eye.

Her heart softened when she saw it but her resolution remained.

“Whatever it was, I’m sorry.” He apologized nonetheless, knowing that an apology is what she usually wanted.

She would scold him and leave. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be able to cry in peace.

He couldn’t take the looks she was sure to give him. He already felt horrible as it was. He already hated himself.

She sighed then spoke in a considerably softer tone. “Justin, you told him about me. Well us.”

“What?” His heart skipped.  What had he said? What had he done?

“Yeah. Apparently you completely broke down.” She continued and he began to hyperventilate.

What had he done? Had he just made things worse? Was this her coming to say that she was cutting all ties with him?“

He began to tremble at the thought.

"I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Justin, calm down.” She stepped closer to him, sitting down on the bed and pulling him into a hug.

He clutched onto her tightly, burying his head in her neck and she rubbed his back.

“It’s okay.” She soothed. Tears pricked at her own eyes. She hadn’t believed that he really was this volatile. She should have been more careful with her words.

Her heart clenched and she finally understood where Abel was coming from.

Justin kept muttering 'I’m sorry’ over and over as she hushed him.

Eventually he managed to calm down enough for her to continue.

“Whatever you told him last night made a huge impact on him because he came home and broke up with me.” He cut her off before she continued.

“Oh my God, I ruined your relationship. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him. Please don’t hate me. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“Justin! Justin, calm down!” She took his face into her palms, forcing him to look at her.

“It’s okay. Calm down.” She reassured. He gulped.

“He said that we had the type of love that people can only dream about having and he wasn’t about to let us throw that away. He broke up with me because he wanted me to get back together with you.”

“Oh.” Justin muttered, finally understanding what was happening. He looked at her hopefully.

“I didn’t know what I expected when I came here but I honestly didn’t think we were going to get back together. I always figured that our relationship was something in my past but seeing you this torn up made me realize that he was right. You love me and I love you. Our love is one of a kind. That doesn’t happen to everyone. Why should we throw it away? So I’m here to say that I’d like to be yours again, if you’ll have me after everything I’ve put you through.”

The second the last word was out his lips were on hers and that was all the confirmation she needed.

She would need to find a way to thank Abel for this.

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That’s the longest one shot I’ve ever written so I hope yall like it.

All My Idols Ch 23: Sick Day

“Fuck,” I groan as I roll around in my bed trying to find a comfortable position with no luck. The sun is peeking through the curtains making me moan in annoyance. Nausea rushes over me and I find myself scrambling out of bed for the third time since two in the morning into my bathroom to throw up in the toilet. After a minute or two of emptying the little amount of food I had left in my stomach I have no choice but to dry heave for a couple more.

Great, this is absolutely great. When I feel like I’m done, I brush my teeth and shuffle my way back to bed. As soon as I’m down and under the covers my stomach begins to growl and my phone buzzes for the millionth time already this morning. I roll over on to my stomach and check the message, it’s Jiyong:

Hey, just checking to see what your plans are for the day. Do you want to get lunch at noon?

I debate for a few minutes on whether or not I should tell him that I can’t even imagining eating a meal right now but decide to fib a little instead. I text him:

Sorry Oppa, I’m busy all day today, can we have lunch tomorrow?

I quickly send out a generic mass text to anyone who had asked to hang out today, telling them something came up and I’ll have to reschedule before turning it off and throw it to the other side of the king sized bed. I’m done with it today, I’m done with everyone.

Sleeping or just laying around didn’t come as easy as I was hoping when I hear a knock at my door an hour later. Not wanting to deal with anyone I burry myself deeper into my bed under my pillows so I wouldn’t be seen if they came in. At that thought, I hear the lock click and the door open. Great.

“Where do you think she went today?” I hear Daesung ask.

“I’m not sure, she didn’t respond when I asked. She hasn’t responded to Seunghyun hyung’s messages either,” Jiyong sighs as he rummages threw my kitchen.

What are they doing here? Not that I have an issue with them coming into my apartment I just want them out right now. I want my apartment to myself , just a day for myself to lay around and be miserably sick. If I tell them they are going to make me go to the hospital and I’m not going there, I know it’s common here but where I’m from, you don’t go to the hospital unless you’re missing a limb.

“Should we wait for her to come back?” Dae suggests.

No!

“I have a few more things to do today, I’ll just leave these left overs from breakfast in the fridge. You can if you want.”

“I’ll head out too then, maybe I’ll check in a little later.”

“Hyung said he is going to bring some more left overs from his lunch, he’s going to her favorite place with some friends.”

Guys, seriously? I’m so thankful for all of you for being so considerate but please get out. I wait until they are gone before crawling out of bed to my closet to find something to wear. I can’t stay here with their constant checking in and who knows who else might stop by if I don’t respond, I don’t need them finding me clinging to my toilet bowl. After twenty minutes of me stuffing a backpack full of snacks, extra clothes, and my computer, I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Sneaking out seems to be my only option for a peaceful sick day, maybe I can find a nice love motel near by I can hide out in for a night or something.

The idea is much easier to think up than to actually follow threw on when the whole building knows me and will notify my oppas of my comings and goings. So I have to be a creep and wait in the elevator for a big enough group of people to hide behind as I pass threw the lobby hoping and praying no one working notices. As soon as I reach the side walk I’m speed walking down to the left, knowing that some crazy fans wait by the parking garage for my oppas to come home, are most likely the other way. All I need to do is make it to a love hotel, I keep repeating that line in my head to try and calm the anxiety bubbling in my chest. I have been recognized on the street a few times and the idea of it happening now makes my exhausted mentality want to break down and cry.

I find a random hotel and quickly make my way inside, not wanting to spend more time in the cold than I have to. The clerk doesn’t ask any extra questions, only asking for my card, something I’m incredibly thankful for. He sends me up to a room on the 15th floor. I arrive at my room a few minutes later after a quite elevator ride. I step into the space themed room, mesmerized by the dome bed and massive bath tub in the far corner. I throw my stuff on the floor, dig my computer out, flip on some random show on Netflix, and begin filling the bath.

Twenty minutes later I nose deep in a bubble bath with Family Guy going on in the background and bag of Cheetos sitting on the ledge. Now this is a good morning, sick or not it has been awhile since I’ve been this relaxed, not worried about who I should be seeing. I consider turning on my phone for a moment before shaking the idea out of my head, the world can do without me for a day, right?

I’ll turn it on after I take my medicine and take a nap, I tell myself, yea that works. After soaking in the tub until I’m a prune I get dressed, dry my hair and quickly curl up in the blankets. The lights turn off to reveal fake stars all over the dome, making me feel like I’m sleeping under the stars. Sleep has never sounded so good.

I’m not sure how long I slept, I woke up a few times, went to the bathroom or snacked or threw up said snack a few times but always ended up crawling back to bed. When I finally convince myself to turn on my phone I don’t expect to see what I find. It’s 10, in the morning, of the next day. I’ve been gone for over 24 hours. Normally I wouldn’t think much of it but I’m not some random girl with no friends in Ohio, I have people here who worry. Over 100 texts tell me that along with just as many missed calls from everyone and their mother.

“You guys,” I groan as I scroll threw the messages, most are from Big Bang, Ikon, BTS, and Shinee. I’m surprised to see some from EXO, lots of hearts and scared emojis from Lay and the beagle line, worried ones from the rest asking where I am and if I’m okay. I sigh, “They make it seem like it’s a national incident.”

And after turning on the news I see that they have made one. A picture of me appears on the screen along with a tweet from Jiyong asking if anyone has seen me and to report it to the police if they have.

“I can’t believe they got the police involved,” I burry my face in my hands. I sit up and automatically regret it when my body seems to punish me. Nausea washes over me followed by a horrible pounding in my head and my whole body seems to ach. “I need to talk to them and tell them I am not missing,” My mind reminds me. “Should I call? I should just go home and show them. But really don’t want to get up,” I whine as I force myself out of bed. I hate being sick. I hate feeling so weak that I can barely get my stuff together and get to the elevator without feeling like I’ve run a marathon. Maybe showing them at home isn’t the best idea, I doubt I could make it there at this point.

I pull out my phone as the elevator goes down and dial Jiyong’s number, not to my surprise he answers on the second ring, “Charlie where are you? Are you okay? Tell oppa where you are!” He basically screams into the phone, not helping the pounding in my head.

“Oppa I’m fine, well sort of. I’m at a love hotel about a mile down the road.”

“A love hotel? Why are you there? What do you mean by sort of? I’m on my way right now, I’ll meet you at the door what is called?”

I give him the name with a sigh, “Oppa, I know you are going to freak out so I might as well tell you now. I have the flu or something so I don’t feel or look the greatest right now.”

“You’re sick? Why didn’t you tell me? You still didn’t answer me, why are you in a love hotel?”

“I didn’t want to worry you guys so I decided to hide out for awhile, I didn’t think you guys would get the police involved.”

“We are going to have a very long argument about this after you are better but first I’m picking you up and taking you to the hospital.”

I groan, “I don’t need to go to the hospital.”

“You are going,” He deadpans.

I know not to fight him on it, “Can you at least call off the police, it’s a bit excessive don’t you think?”

“You were gone, no one had seen you since the night before and no one could get a hold of you. It was necessary. But I’ll call them.”

“I’ll call everyone else.”

“Don’t you dare hang up yet.”

I sigh, glancing down the street I see his car, “Oppa, I can see you.” I hang up without another word. He pulls up to the curb and opens the door from the inside.

“Hurry, get in,” He demands.

“I’m sick, you should be a little nicer,” I pout.

He sighs and runs his fingers threw his hair, “I’m sorry, I’m just really concerned about you. You have no idea how much everyone has been freaking out about you.”

“I’m sorry,” I stare down at my hands, honestly feeling guilty for being so selfish. I’m just not used to everyone being so concerned about my whereabouts, back home could disappear for days before I even got a curious call or text wondering if I’m dead. We don’t talk the whole way to the hospital or even after he hauls me inside and demands that a doctor looks at me. The nurse nods right away but has us waiting in the busy lobby for a moment to go find one of the best doctors, another one of Jiyong’s demands. Jiyong pulls me aside to a corner to wait, I follow without protests but can’t hide the pink hue creeping up on my cheeks when I notices all of our on lookers. Even without Jiyong’s yelling I can’t imagine it would take long to gain almost everyone’s attention. Hell GD of Big Bang is in a hospital, that it self is enough to start a riot but with me, the missing princess, at his side seems to make it a bigger deal.

“Shit,” Jiyong tucks me under his arm with his jacket covering me. People in the lobby have their phones out taking pictures and videos. Thankfully not a moment later the nurse appears with a doctor trailing behind her and a wheel chair in front of her. “Sit down,” Jiyong commands but ends up pushing me down into the stupid wheel chair anyway without even waiting for my snarky response.

“How are you feeling?” The doctor asks with a very serious look.

“I just have the flu, nothing serious. Jiyong oppa is just really worried, so if you could just give me some antibiotics that would be great,” I whisper to the doctor when Jiyong falls back a few steps.

“I will give you a check up and figure out the right treatment for you after that.”

I groan, both in pain and annoyance, “Oppa can you at least call everyone or send out a tweet that I’m not dead?”

“I will let everyone know when we know what is wrong. I’m not going to give out half assed answers.”

“Did you let the police know?” I sigh.

We arrive at a private room where the nurse quickly helps me on to the bed making me feel like an idiot. This is just the flu, nothing I haven’t dealt with before but why do I still feel so exhausted and why does everything still hurt? My head is killing me, my chest feels tight, it feels like someone is punching me in the stomach again and again, maybe Jiyong is right to bring me here.

“I’ll call them for you,” The nurse volunteers.

“Thank you,” The three of us say, she bows and leaves.

“Are you ready for a check up? I have to draw some blood, will that be alright?” The doctor asks.

I blanch, “Is that really necessary?”

“I’m afraid so,” I can see the pity in his eyes.

“It’ll be okay Charlie, you’ve got me here,” Jiyong sits beside me on the bed and wraps his arm around my shoulder comfortingly. “Could you do it right away to get it out of the way?” The older man nods before leaving for another nurse and some needles. Jiyong’s other arm goes around me and pulls me close, “I’m sorry for being mad.”

“I’m sorry for disappearing,” I mumble into his shoulder. “I just didn’t want to worry you guys with me being sick, so I figured disappearing for a little bit would be best. I didn’t think it would blow up to this.”

“I’m just so happy you are safe, you have no idea how scared I was. I thought someone took you or that you just up and left to go back home to America.”

I scoff at him, “Home? To America? Don’t make me laugh, it hurts. This is my home now, you guys are my family. Why would I run back to that life? I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

the new addition | part three // batfam

Notes: I have realised that in this story, since the reader is a year or two older than Damian, I won’t introduce him just yet. It’s just so much more interesting for him to enter the household after the reader does, and then we can see how our darling sass god reacts around her. Sorry!

~kiera

Warnings: mentions of abuse

Word count: 2,910

PART ONE + TWO

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Suicide Note

Dear anyone who is reading this,

I’ve….been contemplating this one for a good while now. I beganwriting this at 8:30 pm on February 11th, 2015.

I should probably introduce myself for anyone who doesn’t knowme. My name is Zander Nicholas Mahaffey (at birth, Sandra Nicole.) I am a boy, even if the word doesn’t see me as one. But I know in my heart I am a boy. I’m 15 years old, I love the internet, I’m an anime weeb, I love video games too. I dislike math a lot, I love to read and draw and sing. My favorite drink is Coca Cola and my favorite foods are crème puffs. I’m short (5'2) and I hate that. My favorite anime is Katekyo Hitman Reborn! And my favorite video game is The World Ends With You. I live in the state of Georgia, in a metro-Atlanta city called Austell. Right next to a hospital. The phone reception is terrible here. I’m a panromantic-asexual and yeah I think that’s an okay introduction.

I don’t know why I’m writing this now, it just feels like a good time. I’ve kept holding off from doing this since it’s probably gonna be long. It’s surreal right? And if I publish this (or don’t delete it from my queue, I should say) then that means I’m dead. Most likely medication overdose, that’s the main way I’ve thought of. Ugh. Xanax tastes so disgusting, honestly. But you know, when everything is calm and you want to be dead I guess taste doesn’t really matter. Man it is going to suck ass if I end up surviving. I would have had to taste all that nasty ass medicine for nothing. Either way I guess I should write why I wanted to be dead in the first place.

I..I just wanted to escape. An okay amount of my friends know I have issues with my mother, at least heard me complain about her a good bit of times. A few know what really is going on.

My mother is physically disabled. She has seizures and strokes and a hurt ankle and a bad knee and she is morbidly obese, the list goes on. She has anxiety. In fact she takes xanax for the anxiety. That’s where I got it from. I’m sure she can just get more.

But even with her disabilities….she hurts me. Not physically, no she doesn’t have the capability to do that. But emotionally and mentally. I try, I try so hard sometimes. I’m not a perfect human, okk??? I MAKE MISTAKES. A lot of mistakes. And I get yelled at. I get yelled at and it hurts so bad. It hurts so bad for your “mom” to tell you she’s going to kill herself over her cheating ex boyfriend. It hurts so much for her to accuse you of doing sexual things to people for money. It hurts so much for her to accuse you of stealing money from her, only to find out she had just misplaced it and doesn’t even apologize. It hurts so much to have a panic attack and her say “stop acting retarded”. It hurts so much for her to mention the man that raped you, even though she knows it makes you angry and sad. It hurts so much for her to yell at you till you cry, for you to be sobbing, tears pouring down your face, and then ask you why are you crying. MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME, THEN.

It hurts so much to hate your mother. It hurts so much for your mother to act so two faced. It hurts for you to actually have a nice time, to talk and smile and laugh together, and then it all does back to hell, and the illusion shatters, and you remember about all the horrible things she still does. It hurts to not know what it’s like to have a “mommy”, to know what a mothers love is, to feel cared for by a maternal figure.

To my mother, one of us was gonna die and I guess it is gonna be me. I hope you’re life from here on is MISERABLE. I hope you realize how MUCH YOU NEEDED ME AND TREATED ME LIKE GARBAGE.  I want you to BEG FOR ME TO COME BACK, FOR MY FORGIVENESS. But I won’t. I want you dead. I wanted you to DIE FOR SO LONG, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATED THAT?? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME, YOU ARE MY MOM!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, NOT MAKE ME KILL MYSELF!!!!!! You’re a two faced pathetic excuse for a parent. You may be my mother but you are not my mom. I certainly won’t miss you. Goodbye forever, you abusive piece of shit.



I guess that’s why I love my friends so much. To anyone who has been motherly to me, or dubbed themselves “my mom”. That means so much. Because I don’t know what that is like.

But I miss her. I miss my mommy. I miss the woman in the baby photographs I see of me and her together. It sounds selfish. I miss the mommy who starved herself for almost 2 weeks because we were so poor she didn’t have enough money for us to both eat. I miss her. I don’t know what happened. Or where that lady went. But I’ve just prayed, and prayed for her to come back and she never did. I just wanted my momma back.



I can’t blame all of my problems on her. A good bit of my anger and resentment comes from my rapist. Some of it comes from my “aunt” Twalia. She isn’t really my aunt but her and my mother are good friends and her and her two kids live with us. Twalia helps me with my mother and with our apartment, and for that I am thankful for.

But what I am not thankful for is her poor treatment of everyone in this household. Twalia also yells. It isn’t as bad as my mother, no only my mother can make me feel the worse but Twalia has come pretty close. She’s about as two faced as my mother. She makes horrible racist comments about the black people who live in my apartment complex. She is ableist, she calls her two mentally disabled children, Jennifer (19) and Charles (12) retarded, threatens to put them on medication. It’s terrible.

She has never laid a hand on me before. She better be glad she didn’t. I would love for an excuse to knock the rest of her teeth out. She is abusive to her children and me, and I wish she never came to live with us..

And her children, oh god her kids. They are possibly the most annoying brats on the face of the planet and I cannot stand them. Charles especially. I wish we never introduced him to the internet, he used to be such a good kid but not anymore. He’s an arrogant, homophobic, spoiled little brat who I wanna kick into a wall. Yeah, I would kick a 12 year old into a wall? Problematic? Maybe. I don’t give a damn. Besides, if you’re reading this I’M ALREADY DEAD WHAT USE IS IT. I get mad and he pisses me off. As for Jen well… she’s just annoying. But she get’s the short end of the stick between her and her brother and I try to stand up for her as much as I see fit (even though she doesn’t appreciate it. Or she’s never seemed like it.) Twalia, fuck you. You’re as a terrible a mother as my own and you don’t deserve the children you have. Jen, I don’t know what to say, you’re annoying as hell to me but I’ll probably miss you a bit. Charles, fuck off you little shithead. I can’t stand you and I hope you get put in your place one day.

That’s another thing, appreciation. Sure my mother will say “please” and “thank you” every once in a while but it isn’t enough. It isn’t. She would literally DIE without me. She wouldn’t be able to function without people taking care of her. But is she thankful??? Is she thankful that I have given up my childhood for her??? That I had to take on all these responsibilities??? She doesn’t seem like it. “Oh, when I was your age, I was running an entire household” Great mom. That’s you. That isn’t me.  The only one who ever seems to appreciate me is my grandmother.

Out of my entire family I love her the most. She’s a kick-ass grandma for one thing, she’s survived breast cancer (even though she lost one of her breasts..) for what? 22 years? She don’t take no shit from anybody. When I hug her, the combination of her laundry detergent and the perfume she wears makes me so happy, I love hugging her and smelling her (she smells good ok?). And she loves Harry Potter. That’s freaking A+. I’m going to miss her a lot. Meme, if you’re reading this, I love you. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t fight this one out, but I love you and always will.

Other family okay….My dad. I love him…he’s…a bit annoying sometimes..He is also kind of an airhead, but he’s my dad. The amount of time’s I’ve wished I could live with him instead of my mom is plenty. Dad, I’m sorry but your “little girl” isn’t a little girl. I’m a boy, in my heart. And no, that doesn’t mean I want to play football. Also ask mother about John Hubbard. The truth about what he did to me. My mother never told him, or my Pepaw (grandad), or my Memaw (other grandmother). I don’t think that was right. He’s my dad, he has a right to know. Oh and for Memaw and Pepaw, I’m sorry that it turned out this way, I love you both. (Even though you, Pepaw are a racist, bigoted piece of shit and Memaw?? You didn’t really help much, sorry.) I’ll miss you guys too.

To my older half sister, Ashley, and Matthew as well. I’m sorry. Ashley, this may come as a shock to you, but our mother is a terrible person, to me at least. Be thankful she gave you up, be thankful you grew up loved and cared for. It’s a shame really. How much I envied you and despised you because you were able to escape life with our mother. I hated you, I hated that you got to have a nice, happy life with your adopted parents while I had to stay here and suffer. But I know that it was a dumb hatred, I see that now, I can’t blame you for being adopted. That just isn’t fair. I’m sorry I was wrong about you. I love you, and I’ll miss you.

To my brother, CJ. I can only hope I’m going to meet you. I was wrong about you as well. I resented you. I hated it, I felt abandoned by you. I felt like my big brother just left me to suffer with our mother. But you were a baby, you couldn’t stop from rolling on your side and suffocating in your crib. You had no control. I’m sorry, I love you, and I hope we can meet for the first time.


To Alyssa. Alyssa Handy. I have no idea where you are now, I haven’t seen you in 5 years. You probably will never get this message, but I couldn’t go on without thanking you. In 5th grade, when I was wheelchair bound, you were always there for me. You pushed me around, ate lunch with me, helped me to the bathroom, and best of all, you didn’t change how you acted towards me once I was in the wheelchair. You never pitied me (not to my knowledge) and you were my first real best friend I ever had. I know we had our scuffles but I will never forget everything you did for me, ever. I still think about your kindness even now. I’ll miss you.


To Ziazani, who I don’t even know if you’re going to get this message or not. You were the first person I ever dated. I’m sorry I stopped talking to you after we broke up, I would feel guilty every time that I did. I was a terrible significant other, and I’m sorry I could never reciprocate your feelings for me. I know this may not fix it, but I’m sorry. I’ll miss you.


To Hector/King/Viridi, my first true crush (that I got to date anyway). Being in boyfriends with you made me so happy. I finally felt what it was to be on cloud nine. When you broke up with me, it hurt so bad. I know I shrugged it off, but I cried all that night and the night after that and the night after that and was sad for a good week. Then you started dating someone else and I resented you for that, because I still had feelings for you and I was bitter and angry to see you happy with someone who wasn’t me. But I finally realized it was just childish, and I needed to let you go, and I forgave. There’s no use in being bitter and angry. So I’m glad, I’m glad that we could stay friends, you are a really good friend. I loved you, and I still care about you a lot even now, and I’ll miss you.


To Aggie, the my current girlfriend and love of my life. I love you. I will never stop loving you. You make me so happy, so please don’t be too sad for long, sadness won’t bring me back and there’s no point anymore. I’m sorry, please don’t feel inadequate. Don’t feel like you failed me, you couldn’t “cure” me, you didn’t have the power to get me out of this house. You did make me laugh, and I felt like I had a reason to live. But I’m weak, I’m battered and bruised and I’m tired of fighting. It’s not your fault, I never really told you what was going on (not because I didn’t trust you) but because I didn’t feel like I was worth worrying over. I’m sorry Aggie, I love you, and if all goes well, I’ll watch over you and be your guardian angel. Guess we are really Narancia and Fugo, eh? I’ll miss you, so much.


To my home girl Gabbi and home girl Katie. My best friends. My aromates, moirails, platonic soul mates, whatever you want. I love you two so much you don’t understand. I could sit here and write about how much I love you but that would take too long and my fingers are getting tired from typing this. Don’t feel like failures because of this. I was in the wrong. You both told me everything, but I would hide and wear a mask and pretend I was ok. I had to be strong for you both. But I can’t be strong anymore. I can’t. I’m too worn out, if anyone if the failure, it’s me. I know we had plans to all live together and be happy and away from our families. But I just couldn’t do that. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I never told you guys how I really felt. I’m so sorry. I love you two both till the world ends, and I’m not going to stop. I love you till time ends. I will miss you both so much.


I want to ask of you both (especially you, Gabby) is to make sure if there are any memorials for me I want you both to make sure my right name and pronouns are used. And I want you both to explain exactly why I killed myself. What my mother did, and I want her retribution. I want her to know she murdered her son. I want her to know that she is the reason I’m dead.


To all my friends on the internet, my Dangan Ronpa buddies, Lena, Hime (Love), Saku, Wednesday, Kari, Peeps, Nick, Cake, Toree, Bunni, Taelyn, I could never ask for better voice acting friends, I’ll miss you. My MMD/Vocaloid crew, Haru, Jomo, Walter, Taku, Izzy, Angeki, Simone, even though I suck at modeling you guys always made my day. To Ari, I’ve known you for a long time, since I started being on the internet. You mean so much to me, I’m sorry, I’ll miss you. To the (late, kinda) Meme Team, Zumi, Summer, Mitch, Morgan (formerly), Pixel, Rachel, Alex, Sam, Shae, Luke and Everyone else in the pedal group, being with you guys made my days so happy. I’m so sorry, I’ll miss you all.


To all my real life friends, To Jacob and Bella and Chris and Gus and Shelly and everyone else. To my teachers, to everyone. I’ll miss you.


Wow, five pages long. Almost 3,000 words. See I told you this would get long. I’ve never written anything for school that fast. Oh well. I suppose someone has read all this. I don’t know what to say now really. But…I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough, that I gave up. But I just couldn’t, I couldn’t take it anymore. I am a hypocrite, I’ve talked many of people out of suicide before but yet here I am. Or, here I was.


I’m not noble, I’m not really trying to make this mean something huge. I’m just a coward who wanted to cut my strings and be free from my troubles. Here marks the end of Zander, a meme enthusiast and, friend? I guess.


I can’t say I’m not a little bit afraid of dying, but we all are. It’s the fear of the unknown. Perhaps there is another world waiting for me, perhaps I will be reborn into something, or maybe I’ll just stop existing. Maybe I would be a ghost that would be cool don’t you think? I have no clue, like with everything else in my life I’ll just wing it.


So this is the end? I’m over 3,000 words now. Time will go on, hopefully no one will be too bothered from me for too long. Just continue as you normally would be, that is what I want.

I’m selfish, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I only think about myself in this situation. I know there’s going to be people hurt and devastated by this. And I’m so, so, sorry about that. I don’t know what else to say. I’m just so tired, I’m so tired and I just want to go to sleep.


XOXO Goodbye to everyone,

Zander Nicholas Mahaffey

As always, a big ol’ scoop of ymmv here, but after some of the discussion in TM this week I think it’s seriously a testament to how well Matt’s built up Raishan as a villain that folks are reading “we’re angry at this dragon who mercilessly killed tens of thousands of people as her opening act” as some sort of backsliding obsession with revenge in some of the protagonists’ character arcs. Female characters in particular are often just… not allowed to be angry and to stay angry, so I’m just incredibly glad that we have these Keyleth-Grog interactions about how her anger is justified and can be shaped into a tool.

I think… I think one of the problems I have with the discussion surrounding the notion of Percy and Vex moving away from revenge while Keyleth (and Vax, in her wake) moves toward it is that giving up revenge can only ever really work on a personal level, and it becomes… tricky, if the person you’re forgiving has caused greater harm to others. Had Ripley fixated more on Cassandra than Percy, for instance, his forgiveness of her would feel flat and self-serving without some sort of endorsement or contribution from Cass. Vex’s ambiguity about what happened with Sondur wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful if Sondur hadn’t been so focused on her exclusively. The two of them were dealing with enemies who focused directly on harming them as much as humanly (archfeyly?) possible, and so the ball was in their court and forgiveness was pretty unilaterally up to them.

Raishan hasn’t even targeted Keyleth directly, and that’s a big part of the problem right there: tens of thousands of people were wiped out, and the choice of victims was such that Keyleth felt it as a personal body-blow, but  Raishan didn’t even care. Raishan didn’t do it to hurt Keyleth; they (and she) were just in the way. So… I think Keyleth feels she has the responsibility to not forgive Raishan for that reason: it’s not up to her, anymore; Raishan is a greater threat, and she’s staying angry because giving up that anger feels like a betrayal of all the people who died for nothing and can’t be angry along with her. Likewise, Vax is following her lead and validating that anger because she has so much more cause for rage than he does in this instance, and to try and pull her back would be a personal betrayal (that’s another trope that comes up a lot when women are angry in media–the Rational Man love interest has to follow them around and calm them down, handily un-validating their emotions in the process–and I’m so pleased we’re averting that here).

Yes, there’s a push for vengeance, in the super-simplistic sense of “You killed thousands of people and that makes me angry,” but that vengeance isn’t coming from a selfish place because it’s first and foremost driven by the same sense of responsibility that led to Percy’s “…but I can’t let you leave.” These characters should be… allowed, I guess, to get angry when bad things happen to them. And they should be allowed to stay angry when forgiveness would mean speaking on behalf of a whole lot of other people who suffered more terribly than they did. Forgiveness isn’t the sole bastion of maturity.

The entire cast has talked at this point about how they know that stopping Thordak and Raishan is essential, even if it means giving up their own lives (and only their lives as a group; the only time someone’s talked about sacrificing innocents for the good of the whole was Percy at Draconia, but that was in a “this is a horrible thought” hypothetical context). That doesn’t mean they’re gonna be thrilled when it actually comes to that–see Scanlan two episodes ago–but there is an implicit understanding and an agreement they’ve all made that I think a lot of people are glossing over. 

I mean, Percy was immensely relieved to find out that Ripley was killed, even though he forgave her before the end, and even though he would’ve been horrified at how brutally the rest of the group killed her. Vex hesitated to shoot Raishan even though she knew Raishan was only ever going to betray them. Keyleth didn’t take that level of Barbarian because she’s learning that her anger doesn’t necessarily need to be partitioned in that way, like it’s something separate from her that goes off and on like a switch. Vax took the Oath of Vengeance out of a sense of responsibility and serving a greater good rather than pursuing personal revenge. 

These characters are delightfully complicated, and to me at least it’s felt like a lot of the discussion lately has been based on an extremely surface-level reading of these characters where Percy and Vex are maturing as characters and Keyleth and Vax are somehow not maturing, when in fact I think they’re all moving in the same direction together under different circumstances: appreciating that their responsibility to the greater good sometimes supersedes personal feelings, which can mean anything from forgiving your greatest enemy to being willing to stand with your family and sacrifice yourselves to help other people’s ghosts rest easy. It’s such a complex plot arc that these simple, pat comparisons feel a bit… unworthy, I guess is the word. Like a frustratingly missed opportunity.

I’d love to see more folks talking about this stuff and (especially) writing stories exploring it! Especially given Scanlan’s “wait no never mind fuck this shit!” reaction to self-sacrifice lately, I think there’s a great discussion to be had about who’s willing to pay what price for this victory, the many different kinds of bravery, and how far that’ll go.

The Wolf Part 2

A.N: Okay so this ended up taking a lot longer than intended as I kept rewriting it because I just didn’t like it but, as a sorry present (depending on your point of view!), this part is even longer than the last one! Also, I hope you don’t mind but there are a few time skips in here and a shit-tonne of POV changes!

Summary: Surveillance and minor feels!

Warnings: Language (duh!), Death, Flashbacks, Mentions of Surgery.

Words: 2544

Originally posted by bucha-nan

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