The question you asked about the Garlfied post: I would read the SHIT out of a story about a starving artist making a deal with an eldritch horror from beyond and accidently ending up getting some otherworldly dick.
okay so here is my pitch
it would be called Lionel James Wants To Be Famous
leo is a young man who, as the title suggests, would really like to be famous. and he has a lot of ideas about how he could like to be famous. but unfortunately for leo, he has approximately no talent, and not even in an interesting wiseau kind of a way.
he tried making a webcomic, which went approximately nowhere. he tried making flash animations, back when that was a thing. he returned to the well of webcomics. he tried stand-up. he tried self-publishing young adult novels. he made two episodes of a podcast. his latest venture has been an attempt to make it as a famous youtuber.
but he fucking sucks. not even in the fun way that some people suck. if he went viral for being shitty, he would be ecstatic. he would sell t-shirts celebrating his own humiliation. there is just nothing even remotely interesting about leo. there is not a creative bone in his body. he has no vision or drive. he is the guy who thinks he’s funny because he’s really good at repeating stand-up routines he saw on comedy central. he’s just. he’s not great.
so he does what any young man with minimal ambition that exceeds his even more minimal talent would do, and he summons a demon. which takes the form of a cat. a very round and fluffy black cat, with red eyes.
he names it taft.
taft the cat is a photogenic cheese-loving internet sensation. leo monetizes everything. there are shirts. there are ad-covered videos. taft gets their own comic book. sponsorships. leo gets to go on talk shows with his ridiculous fat cat from hell.
here is the thing about taft: they have been doing this for a long time. artists are easy marks. they’ve never taken the form of a lolcat before, but generally, acting as a muse is a quick way to get a soul. because sooner than later, an artist will realize how unfulfilling it is, how much it sucks to know that all their success is actually because of their demon muse, etc etc.
obviously getting artists to kill themselves due to lack of creative fulfillment isn’t exactly nice, but, demon.
leo, however, fucking loves this arrangement. because leo is not an artist. he just wants to be treated like one. and with dawning horror, this hideous shadowterror comes to realize that they are going to be stuck with this asshole for a really long time. and no matter what they do to try to make leo uncomfortable, or renege on the deal… it never works. he just rolls with it.
taft must now try to find a way to make living with an obnoxious manchild into something tolerable, and so far their plan is 90% ‘annoy the everliving shit out of him’ with a 10% side of ‘well, at least he’s not bad-looking’.
So I was on Skype with my American gf and she was excited that I get to have two Thanksgivings this year.
and I responded “Yeaaaah. But Canadian Thanksgiving is a bit different than yours.” and she was like “oh??” Then me, being the total jackass I am was like “Yeah, you see, every year the local farmers in each town open a field for everyone to go to. You bring the whole family and each person is given a rock and whoever kills a turkey with just their rock gets to take it home for dinner, kind of like picking out a pumpkin at the local patch for Halloween. When I was age 5, I was actually the one who killed the turkey. You should have seen it.”
At this point I had to burst out laughing, as she was sitting there mouth agape and I had just spun the only convincing lie I have ever told in my life.
Sorry for breaking your trust @nozomistarotcards, but also don’t be surprised if I give you a rock for thanksgiving or some shit. ;D
My first attempt at making a thanksgiving dinner all by myself this year and it turned out amazing! I stuffed bacon under the skin of the turkey and poured half a can a beer in the pan with the stock and it gave it such a nice flavour. Along with tradition stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy and veggies.