thanksgiving for two

Wait, You’re Not Together?

In which everyone sees the way they act around each other

Kara still claims they’re “just friends” and “it’s how friends act around each other”

Also on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10521051


Kara furrows her brows as she reads the text one more time.

Because after months (twelve months and thirteen days to be exact), Cat Grant (Ms. Grant) showed a sign that she’s alive, well and is, in fact, up to date on what’s happening in National City.

It’s a simple message, three lines, and Kara surely reads it at least four times and she still doesn’t get it:

10:25am – [received from Ms. Grant] – Just read your last article on L-Corp and Lena Luthor. I hope she treats you well.

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oh my god I have no excuse?? this is the first fic I’ve posted in months and its not even good!! I was considering not posting it at all but idkit took so long I felt like I had to.

remember that AU idea I had where JD and Veronica are dating, and Veronica’s grandparents don’t believe Veronica is really bisexual, so she pretends to be in a poly relationship with JD and Heather Chandler? ya that’s this thing. also there is a tiny hint of chansaw? because I’m always a slut for Heather shamelessly flirting with Veronica, especially in front of JD lmao.  I hope it entertains u!

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anonymous asked:

Imagine IronFalcon in the 'my Nana thought you're my boyfriend so now I have to bring you to thanksgiving dinner or I'm pretty sure she's going to hate me forever' situation where they're good friends who have to pretend to be boyfriends, and then becoming boyfriends for real.

(Watch out for the cut)

“So you don’t have actual plans for Thanksgiving, right?”

Tony glanced up as Sam sat down next to him, fingers already tapping nervously over the textbooks for their shared lit class.

“Actual plans?” he echoed, and Sam nodded. “You mean like, actual plans besides the ‘annoy the shit out of Howard until Mom asks me to stop’ plans I already mentioned?”

Sam nodded again.

“No,” Tony said slowly. “No actual plans.”

“Good, good. So uh, I have a situation.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed, suspicious and wary. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this….”

“Stop quoting Star Wars at me,” Sam said, then blurted, “Nana thinks you’re my boyfriend and demanded I bring you to Thanksgiving dinner so she can finally meet you.”

“She… what? How’d she get that idea?” Tony yelped, eyes going wide and panicked.

“I don’t know!” Sam said back desperately. “She just did, okay, and she’s so happy about meeting you and I am pretty sure if I show up without you that she’s going to hate me forever! Tony!” Sam whined. “I can’t have my nana hating me forever, she makes the best pies and she’ll not make my favorite for me if she’s despairing that we’re not actually dating!”

Tony made a rough noise, like a scoff. “She’ll hate us both if you lie to her!”

“Only a little bit!”

“This is a bad idea,” Tony insisted.

“It’s just for Thanksgiving! You’ll get free food out of it! I’ll buy you all the coffee you want for the rest of the semester!”

Tony paused, giving him an incredulous look. “Finals are coming up. That’s a horrible promise to make, Sam.”

“I am that desperate,” Sam said seriously. “Please?”

After a moment, Tony sighed, caving. “Alright, alright,” he muttered. “I’ll pretend to be your damn boyfriend, even though I think this is a horrible idea.”

“Thank you,” Sam gushed, hugging Tony for a moment before sitting back and opening his textbook. “Okay. Now that that crisis is over, on to this one.”

Tony grumbled, but opened his book as well.

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anonymous asked:

“I don’t want to get up — you’re too comfy." for Zimbits whenever you have the time <3

hey, um, it’s been a good three months since you sent this. apologies, also I didn’t know I had really strong head canon’s about a Zimbits baby, but here I am? you can find this on ao3, and as always, please leave comments and the like bc I am lowkey (read: highkey) desperate for them.


It was Bitty’s first Thanksgiving in Providence. It was a hard-fought win, what with Thanksgiving being such an important family holiday in the Bittle home, but it was Jack and Bitty’s first year in their new home that they picked out together and Bitty was determined that every holiday in the first year they lived together would be celebrated alone together. It was a hard decision to make, and it was one that they made together over the course of several sleepy afternoon naps and late night skype sessions while Jack was out of town for games.

Bitty and Jack finalized their adoption of their daughter, Celia, in late August and Bitty left his café, Bitty Bites, in the capable hands of Lardo while he stayed at home with Cece because he couldn’t quite fathom leaving her to go to work until she was at least a little bit older. Jack wanted to quit hockey to stay home with his chouchou, as he had taken to calling her, but after a lengthy discussion with Eric, decided that he wasn’t ready to retire yet, but would miss their daughter every minute he didn’t get to spend with her.

Celia Maite was a very special little girl. She was born to a mother who loved her more than anything in this world, but unfortunately her mother didn’t have the means to provide a baby that was special like Celia. Celia was born blind and had undergone two surgeries and was to the point where they believed that she could make out shapes, but not much else. Nothing in the world could stop Cece. Bitty was in awe of her every day.

He had never really thought about having kids, maybe the concept of them, but for a long time Bitty had always assumed that he would end up alone and hadn’t put much thought into children before. It wasn’t until a small slip of a girl was crying in the corner booth at his café that he ever really thought about children as more than a foreign concept at all. Camila was Celia’s mother, and she was the girl that Bitty found crying in his café a little over two years ago. She was in Providence on a student visa and when she found out she was pregnant she thought her dreams of becoming a neurosurgeon were over. Over a slice of Bitty’s homemade cherry pie, she shared all of her hopes and dreams, and Bitty wasn’t going to let anything in this world stop her from achieving them.

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So I was on Skype with my American gf and she was excited that I get to have two Thanksgivings this year.

and I responded “Yeaaaah. But Canadian Thanksgiving is a bit different than yours.” and she was like “oh??” Then me, being the total jackass I am was like “Yeah, you see, every year the local farmers in each town open a field for everyone to go to. You bring the whole family and each person is given a rock and whoever kills a turkey with just their rock gets to take it home for dinner, kind of like picking out a pumpkin at the local patch for Halloween. When I was age 5, I was actually the one who killed the turkey. You should have seen it.”

At this point I had to burst out laughing, as she was sitting there mouth agape and I had just spun the only convincing lie I have ever told in my life.

Sorry for breaking your trust @nozomistarotcards, but also don’t be surprised if I give you a rock for thanksgiving or some shit. ;D

Alison DiLaurentis and After Death.

A.D. Two letters, two people…and two meanings.

Two of the most popular explanations for A.D. are that the letters stand for either Alison DiLaurentis or After Death. But what if they stand for both?

Let’s start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). It’s obvious that there were a number of plot holes in Charlotte’s story from 6x10, and many of them revolved around her CeCe Drake persona. How was CeCe prom queen at Rosewood if she never went to school there? How did she have a roommate at U Penn if she didn’t live on campus? How did she know Eric Kahn and the rest of that generation if she was locked in Radley for most of her life?

Maybe because she wasn’t. At age sixteen, Jessica took Charles out of Radley, but Charlotte never returned. After all, Jessica knew that she hadn’t killed Marion. Why would she leave a child she loved locked up for her entire life over a crime that she didn’t commit? Jessica knew that Ken wouldn’t accept Charlotte, so she bought her an apartment in Rosewood and enrolled her in school under the alias CeCe Drake. CeCe went on to attend her last few years of high school in Rosewood, and then went to U Penn until she was kicked out.

Alison and Charlotte met in Cape May, like the show has stated time and time again. But isn’t it a little unrealistic that Alison wouldn’t find it odd that her new best friend not only looked and acted just like her, but used her mother’s maiden name, as well? I think that Charlotte confided in Alison that summer about their relation, and the two girls bonded over their sister/cousinhood.

But they were angry, too. They felt like their family was being ruined by secrets, and they resented being kept apart. This is when the games began. As revenge, Charlotte dressed up like Alison and tried to check herself back into Radley, just to get a rise out of Jessica. The staff believed her because they hadn’t seen her since before her transition.

When the A notes that Ali was receiving began to get more serious, she confided in Charlotte and the two devised a plan. Ali would fake her own death and run away with Charlotte’s help. She learned of her mother’s affair with Mr. Young in the same mysterious way that she learned about Jason’s real parentage, and Charlotte remembered Bethany from her days in Radley. Alison visited Bethany, gifted her the yellow top, and invited her to the Labor Day sleepover.

Alison, Charlotte, and Bethany all wound up wearing the exact same top that night. This cannot be a coincidence. Alison’s job was to spend the night sneaking around trying to narrow down A suspects.

Charlotte was to distract A by wearing the yellow top, then change into a black hoodie and hit Bethany to trick A into thinking that Alison had been killed. But things went wrong when Bethany showed up early, was hit by Mona, and buried by Melissa. Later, Charlotte spotted a girl in a yellow top and assumed it was Bethany. She hit her over the head with the rock, only to find out that she had accidentally hit Ali.

Jessica buried Alison to protect Charlotte, but allowed her to run instead of calling the police. She never returned to Radley that night. Meanwhile, Alison was at the Lost Woods Motel. The reason why she was so willing to go along with Mona’s extreme plan was because she was already planning on faking her death that night. Why else would she already know everything she would need?

Eventually, Ali found a way to contact Charlotte, who helped her stay on the run for the next two years. After all, a 15-year-old girl is going to need at least some amount of help, right? She did come back to visit and help the girls, as she claimed. But she also flat out said to Emily in 2x12 that she knew who A was. If she knew that Mona was A, why wouldn’t she tell her friends and actually help them end it for good?

It’s because she liked the game. She liked that her friends were still, in a way, wrapped around her finger. They couldn’t forget about her, they were forced into thinking about her every day because of A, and she didn’t want it to end.

But suddenly it did end. Once Mona was sent to Radley, both Ali and Charlotte got bored. Alison had no reason to stay away from Rosewood, and the entertainment of watching the Liars – her puppets – be tormented by A was over.

Mona thought she was seeing Ali in Radley because she was – at least some of the time. Wren helped sneak them both in under the name CeCe Drake – after all, Alison couldn’t have used her own name – and they stole the game from her.

Since Ali couldn’t very well just waltz back into town, it was up to Charlotte to introduce herself to the girls as CeCe Drake and dig for information. Meanwhile, Ali was lurking in the background, watching them and sending messages. She had to have been stalking them for most of that time. Otherwise, how would she have possibly known the exact moments that one of the Liars was in danger?

Ali revealing herself to the girls in 4x13 was planned. She was sick of hiding out while Charlotte got to interact with everyone and be right in the action, so they set up an elaborate way for Ali to show the Liars that she was alive while making it seem like she was still in danger. Why else would she make the girls chase her around Ravenswood, only to end up right back in Spencer’s backyard? She could have revealed herself to them at any time. That entire episode proves that she still got off on messing with them, just like she did in “The First Secret.”

Wasn’t it a little odd how Charlotte never kidnapped Alison and took her to the dollhouse? After all, Ali was supposedly the one she wanted the most, as demonstrated when she tried to trap her in 6x01. Why would she go to all the trouble of kidnapping Mona and forcing her to pretend to be Alison when the real Ali was right there for the taking? She easily could have kidnapped her on Thanksgiving instead, or during the two months before she was in jail. And it wasn’t as if Charlotte was keeping Alison out of the dollhouse so she wouldn’t have to torture her - Ali went through quite a lot in jail.

Could jail have provided the perfect alibi for Ali? She was the girls’ biggest A suspect in 5A. But how could she send them messages, torture them, and lock them in an underground bunker from behind bars? It took away any potential blame, or any question as to why Charlotte hadn’t kidnapped her. The perfect excuse.

Isn’t it also a little odd how Alison and Charlotte were in a completely separate room from the other girls during the reveal? There’s no reason why Ali couldn’t have watched from the space lair with everyone else. And since it’s more than likely that Charlotte was aware that Spencer was her actual sister, why was Alison the one to get the special treatment? Maybe because Ali was in on the whole reveal. Charlotte’s story didn’t make sense because most of it wasn’t true – it was a cover, and all of 6x10 was a scripted act. She took the fall for being A, letting her best friend get off scot-free.

Ali sure was forgiving toward someone who supposedly forced her to run away for two years, choked her in her own house, and did unspeakably horrible things to her and her friends, no? Family or not, her attitude toward Charlotte during the time jump and in 6x11 was pretty unrealistic. The only way it really makes sense and remains consistent with her independent, head-strong character is if she was on Charlotte’s side the whole time. She promised Charlotte that she would stay by her side and eventually get her out of Welby. The girls were gone, and they could move on from the A game and live normal lives together.

But it’s not so easy to move on from such an addiction. For so many years, the four Liars had completely revolved around Alison – mourning her disappearance, searching for who killed her, protecting her once she returned, and helping her find out about Charles. Suddenly, they were all just…gone. Off to New York, Boston, Washington, California…completely forgetting about the girl they once built their lives around.

Both Alison and Charlotte wanted to start the game again. So it was time for another plan. “You don’t know them the way I do.” Ali knew that Aria, the most unpredictable and emotional of the Liars, wouldn’t be able to handle Charlotte being freed. She expected Aria to break down on the stand, she knew that Charlotte would be released anyway, and they schemed to reverse their plan from so many years before.

This time it was Charlotte who faked her own death, with Alison’s help, instead of the other way around. Why did they focus so closely on the purple roses in 6x11, making us aware that the same flower in Charlotte’s hand when she “died” was also in Ali’s house earlier that night? Why was Charlotte’s body completely void of fingerprints or other DNA? It’s because she never really died. The autopsy result was fake, and whether she used the same “dead drug” on herself that she did on Mona, Jason, and Kenneth, or used one of those hyper-realistic masks that must end up having a purpose to make someone else look like her, Charlotte is still alive.

And she and Ali have been A.D. ever since. Both girls get to keep playing the game that is so much “like a drug,” and the Liars are once again orbiting around Ali, just as she likes it.

This is more of a possible story than a theory, but for clues that Alison has been A since the beginning, check out parts one and two of my Alison is A theory. Of course the motive here isn’t very strong, but it’s better than another sympathetic, tragic secret family member, right?

Perfect

@sakuraaeris1497 requested:  #97 with a chubby! insecure! female reader x Newt please. Thanks. 😉😊🙂😘😍

@fangirlwithasweettooth requested:  Hi! Could I request a Newt x reader w/ prompt 97? Maybe reader’s very insecure about the way she looks? You totally don’t have to do this. Thank you! I love your blog!! <3

@bananakid42 requested:  Hello! i really like your writing and i was wondering if you could write an angst/fluff fix w/ newt. because you know he’s adorable and i can’t get enough of him…

Thank you for all the positive feedback and all the requests! I think I currently have 13 that need to be written. Also thank you for bearing with me as I am positively drowning in schoolwork and my stress levels are not healthy. This story hits a little close to home but I tried to write it the best I could. Pretty easy to relate to. That might be why it is so long. If anyone out there is going through something similar to this, it will be okay. You will get through it. I believe in you and I know you are capable. 

Warnings: eating disorder, starving (intentional), self deprication


Growing up in England, Newt had never experienced Thanksgiving before. You were astounded at this realization and immediately decided that he would go with you to spend Thanksgiving with your family. He’d tried to change your mind at first, saying he wasn’t part of your family and didn’t want to be an intrusion. You had shrugged his excuses off, even calling your mother in front of him to ask so you could prove that they wouldn’t mind.

“They’ve been hoping I’d bring home a man for years,” you laughed after the phone call with your mother ended in her cheering and telling you how proud she was. Newt blushed at this comment and you suddenly realized what you had implied. “Not that you’re a ‘man’. I mean, you are a man but not… not like that,” you finished off lamely.

“Of course,” he agreed. “But if you really want me to go, I will.”

“Seriously?” you looked up in excitement. “You weren’t going to visit your family or anything, were you?”

“No occasion to,” he shrugged. “We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, remember?”

“I know, but you’d have free time if you wanted to see them.”

“I thought you wanted me to go to Thanksgiving with you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re trying to send me away?”

“No!” You grabbed his arm. “I want you to go!”

“Okay,” he laughed, shaking his head. “If you promise I won’t be in the way.”

“You won’t,” you clapped excitedly. “You won’t be in the way at all.

Thanksgiving approached quickly and before the two of you knew it, it was the day before Thanksgiving. You had warned Newt that your family were muggles and only your parents and brother knew of your magic. The rest of your family thought you had some important top-secret job in the US government. Your grandmother lived in Connecticut which was only a short two hour drive from New York City and you had volunteered to drive you and Newt there.

“It’ll be too suspicious if we apparate and have no explanation for how we got there,” you explained when he asked why you had to drive.

Your luggage was loaded in the car the morning before Thanksgiving and the two of you began your trip. You had no regrets inviting Newt to go with you. The drive was hilarious. You showed him some of the popular muggle songs on the radio and laughed at the faces he pulled at the lyrics. You explained to him about all of the delicious food that would be there and helped him compile a list of your favorite family recipes he had to try.

Newt grinned as he heard you rave on about your aunt’s mashed potatoes. You looked adorable in your baggy sweater as your eyes sparkled. When you caught him staring and asked what was wrong, he quickly looked away, blushing and murmured, “nothing”

The two of you pulled up in front of the house at 11:30 and you heard yells inside as your family members spotted your car. The door was flung open and people came pouring out of the house and swarmed you both.

Two young children, one boy and one girl, ran up to you and clung to your legs. You smiled down at them, ruffling the girl’s hair. “Newt, meet Ellie and Archie.” You introduced the two little ones and they looked up at Newt with wide eyes.

“Simon!” your mother called into the house as they enfolded you in a hug. A boy a few years younger than you appeared in the doorway with a grin on his face. “Can you get their luggage?”

“Sure ma,” he strode down the drive and reached into the back to pull out the cases. “Hey sis.”

“Hello Simon,” you smiled back at your brother. “Been a while.”

“I’ll get that,” Newt jumped in, taking the case with his creatures from your brother.

“This is Newt,” you explained. “He’s going to spend Thanksgiving with us.” Simon shot you a cheeky wink and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Come in! Come in!” You and Newt were ushered into the house by the horde of people and sat on the couches in the living room.

“How’s your job going?” your aunt asked, picking Ellie up and putting her in her lap.

“Things are going really well,” you smiled sincerely. “I might be getting a promotion soon.”

“And, I’m guessing you can’t tell us much about that role either?”

“Unfortunately not,” you pretended. “This is basically all I can say about it.” There was a moment of silence as this news was taken in, and then:

“How long have you two been dating?” This question came from another aunt. She eyed the two of you suspiciously.

“Oh no-”

“We aren’t-”

You and Newt both scrambled to set things straight. Your face was red and you refused to turn your gaze to him.

“We aren’t a couple,” you got out finally. “We’re just friends.” There was an almost undetectable sigh in the room at this piece of information.

“Well, I don’t blame him,” your grandmother piped up and the rest of your family turned to look at her in shock. “I wouldn’t want to be dating you either. Have you thought of losing weight?”

“Mother, what a horrible thing to say!” your mother scolded, eyes flashing. You wilted back in your chair slightly. It was true that you weren’t exactly thin. It was something that bothered you frequently but you had managed to hide it from Newt for months and you didn’t want your family to bring all the attention to your weight. Newt shifted closer to you ever so slightly and his hand found yours, squeezing reassuringly.

“I didn’t realize you two weren’t together so I had you sharing a room…” your mother looked questioningly at both of you, trying to change the subject.

“I don’t mind sharing,” Newt gave in. “But I can get a hotel if that would be more comfortable for everyone.”

“No!” your aunt insisted. “You will stay here with us and we will give you a proper first Thanksgiving experience.”

“Sharing is fine,” you agreed. “Let Newt and me just bring our stuff upstairs. Then we can come down and figure out what to do next.”

You led Newt up the stairs, cases in hand, to the bedroom you two would be sharing. There was a queen bed one side of the room and a small adjoining bathroom for just the two of you to share. You dropped your bags on the floor by the door and moved to sit on the bed. Newt put his things down too-albeit a little more carefully- and took his seat next to you.

“I’m sorry about my family,” you whispered. “They are a lot to handle sometimes.”

“Try a magical one!” Newt chuckled trying to ease the tension in the air. You tried to laugh but the sound got stuck in your throat. All you could think about was what your grandmother had said. She was right. You were overweight. You sucked your gut in, hoping Newt wouldn’t notice from where he sat next to you. “About what your grandmother said-” Newt started but you cut him off.

“We’d better head back downstairs, shouldn’t we? They’ll be waiting for us!” You jumped off the bed, seizing your opportunity to get out of the discussion. You heard Newt sigh from behind you but he followed you back downstairs.

Your weight wasn’t mentioned for the rest of the day but it was always on your mind. You skipped out on lunch, telling everyone you were still full from breakfast and that you wanted to save your appetite for Thanksgiving the next day. Your family accepted this but you saw Newt glance at you when you said this.

You pretended to fall asleep right away that night to avoid Newt and, by the time he had come back in from brushing his teeth, you were “asleep”. He stayed awake for longer than you did, thinking about your behavior. He didn’t understand how someone could find anything wrong with you. You were perfect and if they couldn’t see it, they were stupid. He decided not to share that comment with you thought. Finally, he fell asleep to the sound of your breathing and the rustling of the leaves outside the window.

You got up early on Thanksgiving to help prepare the food. Your stomach rumbled as you saw all the food for you had merely picked at your food the day before. You set to work making the sweet potato casserole as other family members took on other dishes.

Newt stumbled into the room at 10:00, hair sticking up and rubbing his eyes. Your relatives laughed good naturedly, welcoming the arrival of their guest. He offered to help cook but all his requests were shot down and he was made a cup of coffee and took a spot on the couch with your grandmother and great aunt.

The meal was ready a little past midday and a few more relatives arrived during that time. Hugs and introductions were exchanged as they met Newt. When everyone had arrived, you all sat down for the feast. The long dining room table was laden with dishes and you were all crammed around it. You and Newt sat next to each other at one end of the table.

“So, which dishes did you say I should try?” Newt prompted, looking around at all the options.

“All of them!” you laughed. “They’re all amazing! But potatoes, turkey and parsnips are always a good idea.” You winked at him and he grinned, loading up his plate. “What about you? Aren’t you getting anything?”

“Oh… yeah,” you quickly covered up, reaching to take a small serving of carrots and green beans.

“That’s it?” Newt looked unamused as he saw the bareness of your plate.

“I’m not really hungry,” you defended.

“Can I talk to you in private for a minute?” he asked sharply and you knew he wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. “We’ll be right back,” he explained apologetically and practically dragged you out into the hallway.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as if you didn’t know where this conversation was going.

“Why are you doing this, Y/N?” he shook his head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you replied innocently.

“You’re not going to starve yourself on Thanksgiving,” he said bluntly.

“I’m not-”

“Stop Y/N. Just stop.” He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

“It has nothing to do with you!” You tried to be mad at him. It was really much easier to be mad at him for interfering than it was to feel the way you did.

“I just…” Newt struggled to find the words. “I can’t stand to see you doing that to yourself. You’re already perfect.” You gulped at his words, turning away with a blush.

“Perfect?”

“Yes, perfect,” he confirmed. “You don’t need to change at all and anyone that thinks so is daft.”

“Did you just call my grandmother ‘daft’?” You looked up at him.

“Sorry about that,” he winced. “But I still think you’re perfect.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around him in a hug. He held you tightly and you felt tears sliding down your cheeks. “Thank you so much.”

“I love you.” Newt’s words were met with a pause and then:

“I love you too.”

The Gang & Thanksgiving Day

-they invited the Shepard’s over for their makeshift Thanksgiving,,,,,, THE FIRST ONE W/O THEIR PARENTS

-Dally said something under his breath about Angela

-oops he has a broken nose & now sulking in the corner

-Curly offers Pony and Johnny (butmostlyPony) marijuana

-FOOTBALL IN THE LOT

-Johnny is so glad the guys decided to do this because Mrs. Curtis would always MAKE him come over and he was almost afraid he’d be alone on Thanksgiving

-Two-Bit’s mom had to work so he brings his sister

-His sister and Angela team up #girlpower

-So now there’s this young girl going around making innocent jabs at the guys while Angela is rooting her on.

-Most of the jabs are towards Tim but he absolutely loves it bc she is so adorable.

-Steve brings his own cranberry sauce because he’s the only one that likes that nasty shit

-Soda is not allowed in the kitchen, so he “decorates” the house

-Darry cooks from memory while Ponyboy is reading the cookbook and tries to correct him

-“Was that parsely?”

-“Yeah. Why?”

-“The book says to only add basil.”

-“I don’t give a damn what the book says.”

-Everyone brings a little dessert

-Dally even swiped a carton of ice cream

-They have a moment before they eat to silently think of what they’re thankful for

God forgive me for this ship

This is without a doubt the worst content you will ever see on this blog, but I’m saying it anyway. Sorry, come back some other time when we have actual content and not another set of boring townie episodes

Steven’s uncle Andy is a lonely, unhappy man, and based on the recurring symbolism of a single groom on a wedding cake it’s not just a desire for family ether. Andy wants a wife, and even though it’s pretty damn clear he doesn’t deserve one, if he’s not just a one-off character you can mark my words that the crew is going to pair him off with someone else.

There’s just one problem: What character in this show is legitimately horrible enough to end up with him? Well believe it or not loyal readers, there is someone for everyone, and her name is Big Buff Cheeto Puff

Okay, this pairing may seem to have just come out of the orange but believe me I think it has potential in a lot of ways. 

For staters, both of them are lonely, and desperate enough that they’ve developed complexes over nobody wanting to stay with them. In addition, they’re both highly macho and conservative

Andy has also hinted that he shared Greg’s tastes in enormous women, but what really caught my attention is this:

Andy is a pilot

Why does this matter? Well remember this line?

Jasper: We could fly!

Oh, i’m sorry, did you think that was a throwaway? Fuck no! We’re getting fucking apache up in here, using every part of the goddamn joke. Next we’re use Greg’s murdecock as the pole for a teepee, like and subscribe for more “pitching a tent jokes”

Okay, but seriously. There’s one more thing. Notice how this was the thanksgiving episode? Well here’s two things you can’t separate from the tradition of thanksgiving:

  1. Colonialism
  2. that hideous orange color scheme

Coincidence? Hell yes it is, but at this point I’ve got nothing else to post about except the very remote possibility that Marty is related to Greg

Andy! Jasper! a match made in hell, or new jersey. Same damn thing