thanks sophie!!

4

“so dogs do have breakfast.” -cas probably

(inspired by cas taking crowley’s words relating to a dog’s breakfast quite literally like the precious cinnamon bun that he is)

I’ve had a really happy and productive day today. I had a super nice sleep and woke up feeling good, I read the paper and did crosswords, I worked for 3 hours and basically just hung out with my friends whilst intermittently making coffee and serving food, I kind of managed to achieve swan art on a couple of lattes, I smiled and laughed, I ate a slice of really great carrot cake that my colleague made, I got to work on my CV after work whilst having a very late lunch, I got out for a run when I got back from work, I showered, I did some Italian recaps on Duolingo and I started work on a new idea for a spring/summer project for moloneymakes.

I’m very thankful for days like today. Days where I have very little, if any, anxiety and am able to ignore my ED and eat as intuitively as possible even if that did mean that food was all over the place.

So so thankful ☀️

One Night (Part 1)

I’ve been reading a whole f*** lot of smutty Jonsa fics from the awesome Jonsa fandom and it’s SO GOOD I tell ya. And I just can’t get the image of Kit and Sophie getting it on in my head as Jon and Sansa. So here’s a bit of the dream I had watching them both have sexy times. I shit you not, I really did have the dream of them. That’s how much of a Jonsa trash I am. Of course I’m adding a “relatable” story scene to it. It’s a little long, in two parts, sorry I’m a sucker for details! Smut ahead and I hope my smut writing has improved now that I’m gonna use all the tips some of you gave me. I hope to make you proud 😆 Thanks guyyss!
***********

It was past one in the morning when Jon and Sansa came tumbling in through the front door. Well, more like Sansa trying to hobble in with her pump heel broken, from shaking her booty and shimmying to her favourite jam that night at the club. And Jon was there to catch her when her pumps got caught on some gum stuck on the podium floor.

“Shit! Sansa! Are you all right?” Jon tumbled along with her as he tried to catch her and landed on top of her.

Sansa caught a whiff of Jon’s manly cologne mixed with his scent and unconsciously inhaled it deeply. He smelled like sex. Fuck. The kind of scent she would lick all over, dip her fingers in and eat all of it up. He smelled of cigarettes too but that was just from the club. Feeling him moving clumsily on top of her, Jon’s thighs brushed against hers and Sansa felt a stirring in her loins. She almost let out a moan. Damn, it was just not her night tonight. Looking at her cousin as a fuck toy was the last thing on her mind. She wasn’t quite drunk as an excuse for attempting something stupid and far too sober to forget doing anything embarrassing. Caught in the middle and it was the worst. She thought bumping into someone at the club would help scratch her itch but after that embarrassing face-meet-floor moment, she would probably stay away from there for at least a year.

The day wasn’t hers to begin with. She left her car keys in her gym locker when she happily decided to walk back home from spin class. She almost spilled her juice when the cute barista from her favourite cafe flashed his toothy grin. And then Margaery cancelled on their girls’ night out, which Sansa had planned a week before. Damn you, influenza.

And then Jon decided to join her since he was at home, appearing tired of waiting for Robb to finish his shift. He claimed they both had to finish off LegendGamer27 to reach their target level. And Robb was supposed to finish his shift early at the sports store both of them were working at. Or something. Whatever it was, Sansa tuned out the moment she heard him say ‘LegendGamer27’. Boys.

Sansa giggled as she recalled what a day it had been. And now there she was, broken heel, half drunk half sober, ridiculously horny and falling on her butt in front of her cousin who tried to break her fall, only to fall down himself. Muscle and sex on two legs right on top of her. What could she do but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Jon got up and looked at her puzzled. Sansa erupted in a howl of laughter as she watched Jon’s confused face wondering if she had taken a hard knock to her head. Jon couldn’t help but chuckle. Sansa always had an infectious roaring kind of laugh.

“Well, I’m glad you find this funny dear cousin,” Jon said as he held out his hand to help her up. Sansa kicked off her ruined heels. They weren’t expensive so she would toss them out tomorrow in the trash. Now her feet were hungry for the soft carpeted floor. And her body too, maybe she would just lie down there and be done with the night. The day had been exhausting.

Sansa reluctantly grabbed Jon’s hand and raised herself up. She felt a shiver as Jon’s hands seized her waist as she got up shakily, her legs were slightly jelly, probably from the spin class earlier. Jon must have thought she was a lightweight. Three drinks in and here she was putty in his arms. Sansa smiled a little when she realised that maybe that would help boost Jon’s ego a bit. She had never seen Jon with a girl and last she overheard Robb talking with him about dating, he didn’t seem to have much of input nor clue as to how to approach women. Despite his dark and handsome features, Jon was painfully shy, a soft spoken gentleman who kept to himself mostly. He worked and studied part time and some evenings he would go to the martial arts studio to work out. He seemed easy going enough around Robb and her, visiting them rather frequently at first and then eventually moving in with Robb and Sansa after deciding they needed a flatmate to share a bigger apartment downtown.

It seemed nice to have family around, the apartment bustled daily although Robb was often out, working a lot and had an active social life. It was always Jon and her at home having dinner, Jon and her at the park, Jon and her at the breakfast table and Jon and her watching a TV movie, sharing a bowl of popcorn.

Jon felt almost like a brother to her but his dark eyes and broody demeanor wasn’t something very Stark-like. Jon inherited his dark Stark looks from her Aunt Lyanna but it stopped there. Sansa remembered her complaining to her mother that she sometimes worried that her one and only son wasn’t getting out and meeting people. Uncle Rhaegar was smiley and all kinds of sunshine and enjoyed whistling and singing, so both of Jon’s parents had no idea where his moodiness and quiet intensity came from. Both of them were perfectly relieved when Jon wanted to move out to the city to stay with his cousins, hoping Robb’s charm and Sansa bubbly personality would rub off on him. It’s been two years and Sansa didn’t think it worked. But it was nice having someone to come home to, she had to admit.

“Ugh, Jon you would not believe the day I’ve had, my heel breaking was just symbolic. I think it just sort of gave out. Just not my day, not my night tonight,” Sansa shrugged as she skipped to the fridge, opening a bottle of beer and grabbed one for Jon. Jon smiled in thanks and gulped half of his beer down.

“So tell me, can’t be that bad?”

Sansa sniggered and nodded. She told him of the lousy turn of events that day and even Jon couldn’t resist giggling at her expense. Sansa couldn’t shake off Jon’s gaze at her as she recounted her story but dismissed it. She didn’t get to flirt with any guys at the club earlier so she was probably feeling slightly starved for attention. She blamed her hormones for the spike in her libido. Trust good ol’ ovulation to get her engines revving. Plus, Jon had quite the stare, with his dark eyes and dark curls. He seemed to look right into her, seeing through to her right down to her needs. It made her blush a little.

“So yeah, I’m not really drunk to forget all of that happened and I’m too sober that I’m just cringing at all of it. I just found it funny that’s all. So.. Tell me, see anyone you like at the club? It’s pretty cool huh?” Sansa asked, leaning forward against the kitchen island countertop. Jon leaned forward opposite of her, his forehead creasing, jokingly trying to recall if he had met any. He wasn’t much of a clubbing guy, he’d pick bars any day any time. The girls he’d seen hang out at bars were just as pretty.

“Oh come on Jon! There had to be at least one that caught your eye? I saw loads of chicks I think you would totally go for!” Sansa tapped his forearm playfully as Jon smiled shyly, taking a last gulp of his beer.

“Yeah, there was one. She was absolutely hot, adorable too. Danced like no one was watching. She caught my eye.”

Sansa grinned triumphantly. Finally, the light has come upon the Targaryen household! There was hope yet. Jon was smiling at her but there was something in his voice and eyes that seemed curious to her.

“I would totally go for her. But… I didn’t think she would go for me though,” Jon continued, his eyes and hands focused on playing with his empty bottle.

“Why not? You’re hot, she’s hot why the fuck not? Wait, was I in the way? Oh my God, I’m so sorry if I spoiled tonight! Damn those shoes! I didn’t mean to I swear,” Sansa gasped, believing that perhaps she may have unwittingly ruined Jon’s one shot at his true love at first sight meeting. She really had to stop watching Hallmark movies on weekends.

“Yeah maybe. But don’t worry about it. So… You think I’m hot?”

The question took Sansa by surprise. Sansa took a sip of her beer, her eyes didn’t move from Jon’s face as she tried to read him. Jon’s expression was softer now, she had never seen the puppy eyed look on him before. It was slightly unsettling in the most adorable way.

“Yeah you are. I’m not blind you know. You mean you don’t have girls following you home, trying to get your attention and throwing their panties at you?”

Jon laughed, amused by Sansa’s bewildered expression, certainly glad that she found him attractive by her standards.

“Panties no thank God. But no Sans, no one has ever told me I’m hot. You’re the first.”

It was Sansa’s turn now to gaze at this fine specimen of a man. How any female in her right mind not give any notice to this wonderful, kind and generous soul was beyond her. Sure he was moody and quiet but that was just how he looked. Moody resting face, but a teddy bear underneath, Margaery once described Jon. Sansa put her bottle away and took Jon’s hands in hers. Sansa let out a deep sigh and stared into Jon’s deep gray eyes. He was mesmerising.

“Jon, I really hope you find someone who’ll make you happy. Whoever she is, she is one heck of a lucky woman ‘cause believe me when I say you’re a catch. Not just because you’re my cousin. You’re wonderful and kind. Brave and gentle. And generous and always there when Robb and I needed you. Believe me all that is found under the category of ‘males who are hot as fuck’.”

Jon felt his cheeks blush an angry red as he heard Sansa said ‘fuck’ with her full lips and those pretty blue eyes gazing into his. All it took was Sansa’s sparkling blue eyed smile for him to cup her face in his hands and land a wet and urgent kiss on her lips. He held on to her mouth as long as she would let him. He didn’t care what she thought of him afterwards. He saw the opportunity, he took it. Jon felt Sansa pull away, her face in a slight frown. Jon was ready to be kicked out if it came to it. Her soft lips were worth it.

Sansa absent-mindedly thumbed her lips and looked at Jon again, this time her expression displayed some clarity. The girl he was talking about was her. Sansa thought of all the times they spent together, at home, those times when they hung out. Damn, even tonight he was with her. At a club, where she originally had plans to go out and find someone to fuck and probably leave Jon to go home by himself. She cringed slightly, sure that he knew her reasons for heading out tonight.

Did she miss out on the cues he had given her? The time she was locked out of the house and couldn’t reach Robb and called him instead to try her luck, and who rushed down ten mins after, even though he was smack in the middle of class? She had in her mind to kill time and wait at the cafe where that cute barista guy was working. Even her own brother couldn’t be bothered and texted her back to sit her sorry ass down and wait for him till he finished work and come home.

“Jon… ” Sansa only managed to breathe out his name as she tried to connect the dots. Jon looked down in embarrassment and shame. This was it. He made a mental note to call his friend Sam first thing in the morning and see if he could crash at his place for the time being.

“How long? How long that you… You felt this way? Was that girl….. Me that you were talking about?”

“Sans, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you like that. I’ll leave tomorrow morning if you want me to. I swear I will. And to answer your question… Yeah. It’s been 3 years, Sansa. Ever since you and Robb moved and I came over to visit. I really enjoyed coming to see you and Robb and then…. It just became just you and me and I sort of liked it. Then when you guys asked me to move in, I was ecstatic and I don’t know… We just sort of spent a lot of time together, you and me, doing stuff together that I didn’t think any girl like you would want to do with me… And when I don’t see you I miss you badly. So bad that it hurts. So yea… I think I’m in love with you.”

Jon ran a hand through his dark curls nervously, he had the words at the tip of his tongue for a long while, he wasn’t surprised that it sounded better than expected. But obviously it was Sansa’s reaction that worried him the most. He didn’t dare look at Sansa in the eye, for fear that he would pounce on her, especially in that black lace dress, that resembled sexy lingerie, the thin straps seductively slipping off her pale shoulders, her slight cleavage beckoning to him. Or she could slap him. She would probably slap him. Jon winced at the thought.

“Oh Jon… How could I-”

“Sansa, I know this must be weird to you, seeing we’re cousins and all… But I can’t help it. I love you and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve been holding it together for 3 years and seeing you tonight… In that dress. I hate to think of you with someone else tonight. I couldn’t let you go off with some other guy when it could’ve been me. It’s gotten that far, Sansa. I know this may never go anywhere but I just needed you to know… I’ll call Sam tomorrow,” Jon continued, interrupting Sansa before she had the chance to reject him. Sansa was perfect in every way. Cousins or not, the heart wants what the heart wants. And his heart was utterly consumed by his feelings for Sansa. She was all he thought about day and night. He couldn’t call himself a man if he didn’t make his feelings known to her.

“Where… Do you want this…. To go, Jon? ”

Jon’s eyes shot up at Sansa’s as her voice, now low and breathy, drew his attention away from his self pity. Sansa eyes searched his for answers. She felt her itch grow stronger and felt herself feeling warmer. Her dry spell was getting too much. Or had Jon been looking this fantastic all these while that she had been too busy toying with other men’s attention to even notice. It had been an eventful night so far and Jon’s confession just made it a night to remember.

There was a fondness for Jon, a soft spot she had for him, which she realised only now. Growing up, they weren’t very close, he was just the quiet cousin who came to visit with Aunt Lyanna’s during summer and the holidays, who listened to Robb gab all day and played hide and seek with Arya, Bran and Rickon. Sansa didn’t think too much about it, she had her life mapped out, planning what to do and where to go, where she wanted to live, whom she wanted to marry. Sansa liked certainties. Gray areas weren’t something she was good with. And with him, now hopelessly in love with her, a man she had gotten to know as a grown woman, whose qualities were unmatched by her previous past loves. He was a true gem in her eyes. A rare find amongst a sea of trash and disappointment. And here he was pouring his heart out to her. Sansa’s own heart melted at the thought. What a big gray spot she was in now. Sure it would seem weird but it wasn’t wrong. Society had set the rules by which they unconsciously lived by. Cousin relations were common, more so before her time when she learned of one or two from her own Stark family lineage branching from cousin marriages. Sansa vision blurred as she snapped out of her daze. Marriage was something none of her past boyfriends she could see with. And now Jon S Targaryen, her cousin suddenly gave her that vision as clear as day. What had come over her? What was it in the drinks she had? Or was it that Jon had willingly and unconditionally offered her something she had always craved for? Whatever it was she had to stop over thinking it. What the heart says and acts on, is best left to the heart to decide, she figured. And it felt right somehow. “I need to lie down,” Sansa decided it was time to retreat into the comfort of her own room. The heat in her was growing strong. Perhaps from her hormones, or maybe from the slight buzz from the drinks but Jon’s lips on hers and hearing him utter those words made her dizzy. Jon felt something died in him as Sansa slowly stepped away from him. Jon shut his eyes, wanting to kick himself for doing what he did. Brave or not, it was foolish. All he felt coming on were tears in his eyes. Sansa’s mind was against it, legitimately for obvious reasons, but it wasn’t a strong contender for the flutters her heart made. And neither was there guilt nor shame attached to it. The night was not done and maybe she could have a great one yet. No harm in that. If only Jon was willing. She would try. It would take some explaining to Robb later in the morning, perhaps. “So… Are you coming?” ************* Thanks for reading!

FINALLY, THE TRUTH COMES OUT

In an interview Sophie gave to Inquisitr (12.17.16) she finally admits what we sailing the Pirate Ship PETSA have known since June: 

“At the end of the season, Sansa gets a taste of power — and it’s the first time that she’s had that ever, really,” the actress explained. “She feels like it’s deserved because she did so much for Jon and the North, so when she saves the day and doesn’t get any recognition for it, it was like she had that first taste of power and then was immediately stripped of it. She was stripped of the respect that she really feels she deserves […] So she was looking to Littlefinger like, oh, you’re right. Maybe that pretty picture you painted of me on the throne and you by my side isn’t such a bad one.”   {Emphasis mine}

Thank you Sophie. It’s about time.

8

My heart isn’t simple or straightforward. It’s a complicated mess of wants and needs, boys and girls: soft, rough, and everything in between, an ever-shifting precipice from which to fall.

today my friend sophie and i were in english class and my teacher asked what we were thankful for n i said “im thankful for sophie and our mutual love for ian alexander” and then we explained to the class that he played buck on the OA and i was surprised at the few people who actually knew what we were talking about and then my teacher talked about how she was at the gym and the sex scene in the first ep came on and she was like scrambling to turn it off and she fell of her treadmill it was so funny oh my god