wow. just w o w. i’m still trying to comprehend how exactly i’ve gotten this far. never in my LIFE have i had 500+ followers. so this is really a big moment for me. out of all of the rp blogs i’ve had, i’ve never met such wonderful, caring, & friendly people like the ones i’ve met here. you’ve all shown me so much love & support that it re ally makes me want to cry ( haPPY TEARS OFC ). you guys welcomed me with open arms & i could not even begin to explain how grateful i am for that. i’ve jumped around a LOT with my previous blogs ( & even stopped writing entirely for a good year or so ). i have to say, none of them have ever clicked more with me than this one. i think i finally found my home here. & i just want to thank you all so much for such a wonderful experience so far !!i love all of you guys !
can you write one where Calum is yn’so dead brother and one night she goes to his grave and tells him how her life has been since he left and she spends all night there until Ashton finds her and takes her back to Luke’s because she ran away when they got into a fight???? It’s a weird request I know
AN Wow guys, you like to make me sad, huh? Also, sorry for the lack of update these past couple days, I fell asleep writing my ATL one last night, but here’s this one, tonight, and I really hope you like it. Your patience makes me happy, and everything you do, whether it’s an ask, or a like, or a reblog, or a read, everything counts. So thank you so much. I love you guys xx
Warning: suicide mention
“Hey, Cal,” I smile sadly at Calum’s grave. I hated having this place be the only place I could feel him. It was the only thing I had left since he had gone. I hated thinking that he was no longer there. It hurt to know that I’ll never hear his laugh again, or see his cute smile. I gave a heavy sigh.
“It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Life isn’t the same as it was when you were here. Luke’s been acting odd lately. I know you never really liked us being together, but you should know that he’s really gotten a lot better. Until, you know..”
I sat down where my brother was buried, and hugged my knees to my chest. I felt tears well up in my eyes and did nothing to stop them or push them away. I started to sniffle and bit my lip as it started to quiver. “I really miss you, Cal. It just hasn’t been the same. Mom and Dad mope around all day, hoping you’ll come back to us. I know you won’t. I know you can’t. That’s just how it is.
“If only you were here to see everything that we’ve done without you. You could’ve made it so much better, but we made do with what we got. No one’s ever going to fill in your place with us. I don’t do too well in school even though I know that’s the opposite of what you want for me. I can’t do well. It’s too hard.
“It’s too hard without you here, Cal. I miss you so much. I love you. Please come back. I know you can’t, but please come back.”
I let my tears fall to the ground as I fall over in the fetal position, hugging my legs to my chest. I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, someone was shaking me awake, and I looked up to see who it was through my tear stained face. My head hurt from crying myself to sleep. My heart hurt from the lack of Calum I had in my life.
A tall figure stood before me, but it wasn’t Luke like how I thought. It was Ashton. Ashton bent down so that he was crouched in front of me. “Y/N, you gotta go back,” he said quietly.
“I’m not going back to Luke, Ash. You heard what he said about Cal. I can’t forgive him for it.” I stubbornly crossed my arms, and new tears were threatening to fall. I didn’t want to think about last night. Luke had said some pretty terrible things about my brother.
“You know he didn’t mean it, kitten,” Ashton rubbed my back sympathetically. That was his nickname he used for me ever since we were kids. I used to like to pretend I was fierce, but really I was just a cute cuddly kitten. It hurt when Luke said those things. Obviously I knew he didn’t mean them, but it still hurt. He was my brother.
“He still said it.” I bit my lip, trying not to look at one of my brother’s best friends. Ashton was always nice to me, and right now wasn’t any different.
“He was just frustrated. It’s Luke we’re talking about. You know how he bottles everything up until he explodes.”
“That still doesn’t give him the right to call my brother selfish!” I huffed and tore my gaze away again.
“I don’t excuse him for what he’s done. I’m just saying that he isn’t perfect, and neither was Cal. But Luke’s having a hard time dealing with this, and so are you. You guys need each other. I know Cal wouldn’t have left you if he didn’t feel you’d be okay on your own. It’s okay, Y/N, let him go.”
I felt fresh tears in my eyes and I shook my head. “I can’t let him go, Ash. I miss him too much. How could he have done that? How could he have taken his own life? I miss him so much, Ash.”
“Shh, kitten, I know,” Ashton hugged me tightly and rubbed his hand up and down my back. “It’ll be okay, okay? We just got to see Luke. Say goodbye to Calum for now, we have to go see Luke.”
I nodded, still crying, and kissed Calum’s headstone before following Ashton back to his car. Ashton brought me to Luke’s and we stepped inside. The sound of Ashton’s keys hitting the basket echoed throughout the house as he announced our arrival.
Luke came running to the front door, probably to see if I was alright. I hadn’t told anyone where I was going, but Ashton knew. Luke ran up to me and pulled me in the tightest hugs I have ever got from him.
“I thought you were gone. I thought you had left me just like your brother.” Luke kept saying the same thing over and over. His shoulders were shaking, and I realized he was crying. He was so worried about me. I hugged him back, knowing that all Luke ever did was worry about me.
“I’m here, Luke,” I reassured. “I’m here.” We hugged for what seemed like hours until he let go of me, and looked down. His blue eyes were bloodshot from crying and it just made you want to hug him more.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” He was repeating that phrase now, and he hugged me again. I started to tear up, and my lip quivered.
“I forgive you,” I whispered.
Luke didn’t say much after he pulled away. Instead he pulled me upstairs with him, making sure that I was following close along. We reached his room and he put me on his bed.
“Calum was always the one that made me the happiest. He knew how to hold me back up when I fell down. And now that he’s gone, I.. I don’t know what to do. How could he leave us, Y/N?” His voice was starting to crack. “How could he just leave us all alone? Why didn’t he tell anyone?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. I pulled him back down with me on his bed, and stroked his hands gingerly. “But this is Cal we’re talking about. He doesn’t tell his feelings. And I’m sure if he were still here, he’d want us to try to continue on, even if he couldn’t.”
“It’s just not fair.” Luke was slowly losing his voice, and his cries became silent whimpers instead. I held on for as long as I could until the very sight of Luke breaking down broke me as well, and we were both crying in each other’s arms.
We had managed to fall back on his bed, holding each other close, not wanting each other to leave the other’s side. And before long we had both fallen asleep, exhausted. We were so tired of fighting, but we knew we had to hold on. For Calum’s sake. It wasn’t our fault that he left us so early.
I still liked to visit Calum’s grave every so often. I’d tell him about my day and I’d tell him all I did throughout the week. When I had a problem, I’d talk it out to him there, just like I did when he was alive. It’d slowly get easier, but not a day goes by where I don’t think about my brother. Not a day goes by when Luke and I don’t talk about him in some way. We were to keep his memory alive, even if that meant being sad or being happy. It was what he would have wanted, and it was what he deserved. If anything, he deserved to watch Luke and I be happy together. Just like he wanted.
All these amazing birthday wishes! I don’t know where to even start! All of these, every single one of them, make me feel so special. The fact that I even get ONE message wishing me a happy birthday is enough, and getting even more? It astounds me, and I can’t express my love enough for you guys and everyone that follows me and gives me the time of day. THANK YOU EVERYONE. And because all of you deserve a proper response, I’ll be doing it in this post. THANK YOU AGAIN. I CAN’T EXPRESS THAT ENOUGH. I’m so so happy today, because of you guys <3
halewithstlinski: Thank you so much! I hope you have a beautiful day too! This means so so much to me, I wish I could properly express that! :)
sourwolfiehale: Thank you! <333
nigitsunestiles: Thank you for taking the time to leave a happy birthday in my inbox <33
nerdylovelyme: Thank you for the birthday wish and thank you, I’m glad you like my blog! Both comments mean the world to me :)
bloody-newt-inspired: It is indeed, thank you very much!
lydiastilinsks: Oh gosh, I’m blushin’, thank you for the compliment and thank you for the birthday wishes! :)
satanslilslut (omfg this url haha): ‘Tis, thank you!
zohlaa: Thank you so much! And it’s my pleasure :D Can never get enough of Sterek ;)
stilesderbear (your icon: I approve): Thank you! Let us hope :D
denaceleste: Thank you, and you’re not too late :) It’s afternoon where I live. And thank you! I just have feelings sometimes I need to express haha. And it’s been a great day so far, while the weather is really hot, that’s the one downside. I’ll be having great food later today :D Agian, thanks!
zuzzykb: Thank you! And getting amazing messages like yours is filling my day with pleanty of love, so thank you. :)
sheaspalace: BWHAHAhA! I thank you for the birthday wish as well as making me laugh.Beautiful ;)
nevergooutofstiles: Thank ya muchly :)
elly-britishatheart: Not too late, the day isn’t even close to being over for me yet :) Thank you so much, your words are very important to me <333
thyladyx: Thank you, I hope so too!
i-t-k: I hope so too, thank you for the kind message! :D
primadonnaalpha: Thank you!
dylsprayy: Oh goshhh, you is making me blush! You’re fabulous too, jsyk! <3333 Thank you!
torimckell: I’m going to cry, this is a beautiful message! I’m so happy that you like my blog and that it brings you joy! I hope to keep bringing you joy in the future <33
patronushellhound: Thanks! :D
lolchic4152: This is a wonderful message that brought me definite peace and happiness and relaxation. You’re a bright spot in my day, thank you!
ravenclaw–sass: Thank you, I’m having one so far :)
belemyblake: Thank you so very much! <3
coastaltide: Thank you for the birthday wishes :D
withmyteeth: THANK <3
hisbabygirl18love: Oh gosh, and what an awesome follower you are! Thank you so so much, and hearing things like that make my day, hell, my week.
derektit: THANK YOU, MY FRIEND <333
anonymous 1: Yep, it is my birthday. I’m 23 now, which means I’m AN OLD MAID. Anyway, thank you :D
anonymous 2: Thank you! Messages like yours are making my day wonderful :D
anonymous 3: Ohhh, such pretty glitter!!! Thank you, now I feel so sparkly <333
This might sound weird and i'm sorry but I kinda got excited when I found out that you were bi cause like, you're one of my favorite bloggers and I don't really know a lot of other people who are too. So this is kinda really cool for me and I only just came out as bi not long ago. so this really makes me happy, thank you.
I’m glad I could help you feel that way. Finding out somebody you look up to has something in common with you, especially when it’s something important to you, is very meaningful and I’m glad I could be that guy.
Okay the fact that Damien already knows about the day makes me so happy for you guys!! As you know, I also love him and am a huge fan so I'm super stoked for Monday! Do you guys have twitter? ? You gotta tweet him and say you guys started it!!
Thank you, we’re pretty excited as well! We’re glad to have you join us. We do, we both have Twitter. Honestly, I’m going to leave it up to Ren. She is the one who came up with it, I give her credit for everything, I’m just helping in promoting the event. But she has already commented on this issue and I agree with her, here is a link to her reply: https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/125320073900/GpcRZqb9 I, just like her, am just happy this is even getting noticed. I never thought this would get such an overwhelming response, but I never lost hope either.
OH MY GOD. YOU GUYS. I FINALLY REACHED 1k!!! OH MY GOSH, THIS IS SO GREAT. THANK YOU GUYS SO SO SO MUCH FOR TOLERATING ME AND FOLLOWING ME. THIS WAS A VERY PLEASANT SURPRISE TO WAKE UP TO! GAh, I’m just so so happy.
Once I get my computer back, I plan on making a follow forever as well as a faves page, and maybe a BOTM. Thank you guys again!!
your blog is always so great but it's so sweet that you're posting people's animals; it's adorable. you are an incredible person and you motivate me to be a better me :3 i hope you're having a good day/month/year x3 you deserve it!!
I’ve gone through so much sadness and pain in the last couple of months that I never thought I’d feel any better. During that dark time in my life you guys supported me and were there for me. Now that I am starting to feel better I want to make my blog a place for smiles and laughs and positivity, it makes me happy! Thank you!
This is directed at all the people sending you gut wrenching headcanons about Sabo. PLEASE SEND NICE HEADCANONS. HAPPY ENDING HEADCANONS, SAPPY FLUFF REUNION HEADCANONS! I love reading the headcanons and theories that get sent to you, this blog and you are so awesome! But my heart can't take it! Noooo Sabo, let me save you from the horrible thoughts!
LOOK AT THIS LOVELY PERSON YOU GUYS ARE MAKING SAD. LOOK AT THEM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE
i’m with you man, i need some happiness to cleanse my pores after all this sad sad sadness ;A; my poor amnesiac cinnamon roll is being so abused….i mean it’s partially my fault but still
waa you're so sweet to all your followers and you give such great advice. i love your account and you so so much. you're so sweet and i'm embarrassed cause i feel like i'm sucking up so i'm on anon but keep being sweet babe~
Oh God, I’m far from sweet but thank you so much for thinking so ;_; and I will try my best because to be honest, I owe you guys everything. You guys made me so much happier with this blog so I want to ensure that you guys are happy too. That’s why I’m always open for chitchat. And no, omg, you’re not sucking up at all. I’m flattered as hell and I feel like my ego’s going to explode o_o
Anonymous asked: Hey senpai! Just wondering, when do you going to post the matchups? Thank😄
Hey cutie! I usually put them first in the queue to make it fair just like any other request. However, I might consider moving them up so it’ll be out faster for some if I want to get them out of the way. We’ll see how it goes.
amecendor said: omg your smile is so beautiful and your hair is amazing!! <3
aokijisbike said: Oh my goodness you’re so cute! I love your hair! It looks so curly and wavy, and short hair suits you I think. Plus the color is so pretty! It looks like you had fun on your Japan trip that’s really good! Ah you’re so pretty!!!
OH MY GOD I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR REPLYING TO THESE LATE. LIke i posted that thing days ago I AM SO SORRY. But thank you guys so much! Tbh I”m actually surprised that post got as many notes as it did. But that makes me pretty happy! I don’t do selfies all that much, but the few times i have on here i’ve gotten pretty good reception! So thanks again guys!
Also you guys seriously like my hair? Really?! Wow, thank you! I put so much work and effort into keeping it curl-free (haha no i don’t, i literally just blow-dry my bangs so they don’t dry weird and tie my hair into a ponytail after i get out of the shower. that’s it, that is all i do. i mean i guess i could dry all of my hair at once, but that’s too much work imo and i’m a lazy-ass person.) But yeah, i’m pretty proud. And there’s no way i’m ever going to dye it another color bc i like my hair the way it is, and red is a pretty rare hair color, how could i get rid of it? Also yes, short hair is fuckin rad ppl, and so is japan. Two weeks in Tokyo, and those were some of the best two weeks i’ve had in my life. got to visit with my awesome cousin and it was really really great haha
and OKAY i’m obvoiusly rambling here, i’ll stop, sorry sorry. But thanks again guys! I really appreciate it! : D
Hey guys! It’s been a while since I made a follow forever. I was actually planning to make one when I reached 2k but I’m lazy and here we are lol. I just wanted to thank you all for following me, it really means a lot. I’ve been on tumblr for years and I met amazing people that I am thankful for being able to call my friends. Thank you for sticking around even though I change styles from time to time. Thank you for putting up with my shit and obsessions. And mostly, thank you for always supporting me and cheering me up when I feel down, you guys are truly the best ♥♥♥ Sorry for the shitty edit, it was supposed to be something fancy and pretty but my laptop shut down in the middle of the process and I lost everything /OTL
Bold = favorites, italic = mutuals that I love so so much
Special shout out to my cinnamon roll squad a.k.a friends that I love very much and would fight the world to protect, I love you guys:
Ok so first of all, I wanna thank the wonderful Lauryn aka icouldbuildcastles for helping me with the edit. You are the most beautiful broom in a broom closet of brooms (lol) I love you lots thank youuuu! ♥♥♥
Hi guys! How are you all?? So I recently hit 2.1k and I feel
so excited about it that I decided to make a follow forever to let you all know how much I love and appreciate you. You guys are amazing and I’m so happy I follow you, thank you for making me laugh, smile and sometimes even cry. Just thank you for making me feel less alone.
This may be kind of a very long list of people (sorry) and I bolded some of my faves and/or people I consider my friends :) (also I’m really sorry if I forgot you, I still love you a lot ok)
It took me approximately 5 seconds to make this random edit yes, just roll with it. ANYWAY GUYS there are 30k of you now that’s insane in the best way possible. I never thought I would reach such a big amount when I started this blog but here we are today and I’m overwhelmed. You guys are always so kind to me and you make me happy so I wanted to thank you all so much for being the best followers I could ever ask for! So to celebrate here have a list of the amazing people on my dash with a cute little message when you hover over your URL. To those who I’m not following but are still here supporting me and this blog, thank you, I love you a whole lot and you matter to me very very much ♥