PSAT: Then and Now
  • Then:Garcia Lopez de Cardenas was the only man ever to see the Grand Canyon simultaneously at the same time as the Young Sensei wrote crimson leaves, falling.
  • Now:Thad buys his date $45 worth of water and cookies while I can't even get a text back. Meanwhile everyone panics as there's only 5 minutes left to use evidence to back up your answer in the math section.
  • don't use a calculator to cheat at reading but use poetry to start a revolution :)
Thad x Miguel, the drabble no one asked for

I don’t normally write like this I’m so sorry  

“Herminia’s livid with you.” Thad announces as he plops down at Miguel’s kitchen table. The French doors had been left open. He set down his seventeen sandwiches, twenty-one waters, and twenty-five cookies on the table. “Well, more like her father is livid, and now she’s mad at you for making her father yell at her for an hour.”

Miguel had been cutting up a squash he’d gotten at the farmer’s market that morning and had not heard Thad come in, so he jumped when Thad spoke. He shook his head slowly, knife still in hand, and muttered. “She doesn’t understand,” He turned back around. “Her poems could help overthrow the Dominican government!”

Thad watched the Spanish moss sway in the trees outside Miguel’s window. “I still don’t think you should have published those poems without telling her you were going to do so. You could’ve put her whole family’s safety on the line!”

Miguel put down the knife this time. “Don’t you understand, Thad? I had to publish those poems! They could mean the future of la patria!”

Thad ignored this random transition into Spanish, but stood. “I think you’re just thinking about yourself and your damned paper. I know it’s been having trouble since the dictatorship started! You just wanted something that would save it!”

Fury roiled behind Miguel’s eyes. He curled and uncurled his fists, before whispering menacingly, “How dare you accuse me of only thinking about the paper. I am thinking of the greater good of this whole country!”

“How can you think about the greater good of the country if you can’t even save loved ones first?” Thad yelled. Tears were welling up in his eyes. “Miguel… You matter to me, and I don’t want you to lose your life because of this ‘Herminia’ business. I…” Thad chokes back his tears. “I love you, Miguel.”

Miguel’s eyes widen. “Thad… I-“

“No.” Thad whispered. “Forget it, Miguel. Just forget it.” He shouldered past Miguel and out the French doors he had walked in a couple minutes before.

Miguel was astonished. Thad loved him? But it was impossible… Miguel was sure that Thad just thought of them as friends… He shook himself out his stupor. What was he doing? Was he going to just let Thad get away? “Thad! Wait!”

But Thad was already back at his fish farm in Minnesota. He was sitting on the skull of a Nasutoceratops which he had found on the farm awhile ago and used to house some of his tilapia.

“Thad!” He heard someone shout from a distance. He squinted toward the horizon; through the thick blankets of Spanish moss that was neither Spanish nor moss he could make out the figure of Miguel sprinting toward him.

As Miguel approached, Thad tried to pretend like he was uninterested in what Miguel was saying by reorganizing his storage containers full of cookies, waters, salads, and sandwiches. Inside, though, his heart fluttered with the prospects of what Miguel might say.


“What do you want, Miguel?” Thad grumbled.

  “Thad, I’ve loved you since the college project we did together about the wolves that would not look at us, and I’ll love you forever.”

“I-I love you too, Miguel…” Thad whispered, and then Miguel was kissing him hotly and everything was okay. When they pulled away, he whispered, “I call catering out wedding, though.”

Miguel lit up. “We can have our honeymoon in the Mississippi Delta! I hear it’s really wet there this time of year!”

Thad smiled. “I’m so glad we get to spend the rest of our life together, Miguel.”

“Me too, Thad.” Miguel smiled warmly as Thad pecked his cheek. “Me too.”

Things to Say During Sex

No change

Ride me like the big horn nose face


Publish Herminia’s poems

Set la patria free

Oh my god you’re seditious 

Spanish moss grows on California oak trees

Night crawlers are capable of digging 5.6 meters into the Earth

My wolf pup won’t look me in the eye what the fuck

No calculators for sections 1-3

Farmers market cause people to be more social than supermarkets

Buy me 17 sandwiches, 4 salads, 21 bottles of water, and 25 cookies

Playing music makes you smarter

Which statement provides evidence for the previous question

Keep your extra calculators and batteries under your desk


What they say and what they mean.

What  Thad says: I’m gonna buy some snacks
What he means: I’m gonna spend  $45 on 21 water bottles and 25 cookies

What Papa says: I’m fine
what he means: THAT’S SEDITIOUS

What the wolf pup says: I’m fine
What it means: I don’t know how to solve the rope challenge bc idk how to make eye contact

What the triceratops says: I’m the best
What it means: The Texas longhorn of dinosaur’s horns are better than mine and i’m not the most famous dinosaur cause all these kis keep making memes of  big nose horn face why they no love me

What the Spanish moss says: I’m fine
what it means: I’m neither spanish nor moss my existence is a lie

What they say: NO CHANGE

What Herminia says: okay i won’t publish anything else
What she means: lol fuck you i’m a rebel

What bae says: come over
What bae means: i’m  more verdent and wet than the mississipi delta

What they say: All problems can be done without a calculator.
What they mean: We’re totally screwing you over haha good luck figuring this out

What the College Board says:  Do not discuss test questions or or post  about the psat online.
What we do: lol fuck you  *makes psat memes*

  • them:enough with the psat memes. Stop posting them.
  • me:I'll stop when the wolf makes eye contact.
  • them:no. Stop now.
  • me:...ok. I guess you're right. I could get in real trouble for publishing them. I would not have to worry about exile, as me and my family could likely be killed.
  • them:NO. You're stopping now.
  • me:... DELETE the sentence.
  • them:STOP.
  • me:no. If a joke regarding Thad takes 16 seconds to make and a joke regarding the farmers market takes 30 seconds to make, and I spend a total of 209 seconds making jokes, how many jokes regarding Thad did I make?
  • them:...
  • me:...
  • them:*turns on Mozart for 15 minutes*
  • me:man, those jokes were very low iq.