th..e-dither...n..o

explanation of jonghyun’s “never. the. less” tattoo: [a quick note that this is something that he said in the past, re: the saying, not something that he’s said since he got the tattoo.]

jonghyun: “nevertheless” - this is something that i say in real life, you know? it’s a saying my friend group, including myself, uses a lot. it shows you’re acknowledging that the situation isn’t good. i think i say: “nevertheless, i have to do [x]” in order to turn it into a positive situation. (source: sullaem)

the collection [story op. 2] ♡ essay ver.
on … “blinking game” / source: sullaem

shall we talk about something dirty?

guess what i think is the most explicit type of skinship?

answer: it’s eye contact!

then guess what i think is the sexist genre of music?

answer: it’s jazz!

a meeting of the two, full of power struggle and playfulness. it’s so erotic that i can’t listen to this song anymore. i’m embarrassed.

[translator’s note: the word he used to say “explicit” means something in the sense of being frank, open and direct. it doesn’t necessarily refer to something sexual, but it can (and does, in this case). the lyrics to “blinking game” can be read here.]

Fragments - Part 6

Word Count: 6811 - omg I’m so sorry

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Canon divergence, drinking, some self loathing, mentions of suicide attempt

A/N: Unbeta’d and unedited. Mistakes are all mine. Constructive feedback is always welcome. 

Fragments Masterlist


Your phone vibrating across your nightstand pulled you from a restless sleep. Truth be told, you hadn’t slept soundly since you’d been back except for the night you’d fallen asleep in Dean’s arms. You’d been plagued by dreams of all the hunts you’d been on, the woman you’d killed, the spirits of those little kids, Magda, and her horrible mother. You reached your hand out into the darkness and fished around for your phone, finally finding it and pulling it back to your ear. “Hello?”

“Sorry to wake you, Y/N, but this is important.” Cas answered hastily. “I may have found a lead on the pieces of your soul.” You sat up, resting your back against the headboard and pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Ok.” You breathed. “Spill. What’d you find?”

“I’m hesitant to tell you over the phone, Y/N, I’m sorry, but someone could be listening.” Cas explained. “What I can tell you is we may need to talk to your father.”

“But he’s…he’s dead how are you gonna -“

“We can make it happen.” Cas cut you off before you could finish. Whatever he found out wasn’t good news and it was making you nervous. “I’ll be at the bunker soon.”

After Cas’ phone call you tried in vain to go back to sleep, tossing and turning, before you finally gave up. You changed your clothes and went to the kitchen, pouring yourself a tumbler of whiskey and making your way to the library, sitting in one of the chairs and thinking about what the angel had said.

Keep reading

3

It was my brothers graduation today! He has BSN now and we waited for the thing to start for four hours (it was hot, humid, and we were all hungry). I doodled in the program book and inked it.

DUDE, WE LEFT EARLY BECAUSE WE WERE NOT SITTING THROUGH 1200 PEOPLE BE READ OFF ON UNCOMFORTABLE BENCHES. So we went straight to the Japanese Buffet haha

it has been announced that, starting on may 15th, instiz will be excluding monkey3, olleh and soribada from being counted on the instiz ichart. these are regarded as the three least popular digital streaming sites in south korea. the only digital charts that will have their realtime rankings counted on the chart from that point onward will be: bugs, genie, melon, mnet and naver. there will also be a new score advantage that will be calculated from rankings on naver.

for those not familiar with what the instiz ichart is or how it works: it is a realtime accumulation of the digital rankings from all active streaming sites in south korea. points are distributed between the rankings that a song has on every chart and added up to place them on the overall combined chart - in realtime, daily, weekly, monthly, etc. format. it is the chart where all kill’s are confirmed / determined. this will, possibly, make it easier for artists to achieve all kill’s. (source)

Emergent Qabalah

The c-ov-n is emergent magick. Springing from the roots of chaos magick, this is magick that developed and evolved through ritual practice. Not intellectually conceived, but rather received.

The system of the c-ov-n has flowered from the emergence of the Process Tree. The first seeds of this work were planted in 1998. When studying the Qabalah and the Tarot as presented by Aleister Crowley, the mind rejected it. There was seen a brilliance obscured by too many obscurities, overburdened with syncretic associations. It was clear that the best way forward to study the Qabalah was to not study the Qabalah, but rather water this minimal brilliant seed and see how it developed of its own accord. After years of work, the process tree system of thee c-ov-n is the result.

Any true student of this work must likewise work with this system and come to their own understanding of it. There are brilliant flashes of insight throughout its structure. The only way to pluck this fruit is to make it your own. Hesitate not at all to reject or reform any aspect or correspondence. My own experience has taught me that there are many alternate forms of this emergent structure, each of which may be of use and have its own hidden treasure. What is presented here is what has been found in my own exploration to be the most useful configuration.

The word “Qabalah” is used due to the obvious debt this system owes to other systems of Qabalah, particularly the Hermetic Qabalah and Aleister Crowley’s work in particular. However, this system and its emergent method mark a deliberate break with traditional Qabalah. We have no regard for whether the system presented here either elucidates the meaning of any other system of Qabalah or contradicts it. The lack of correspondences such as the Hebrew alphabet and astrological associations are deliberate. Practitioners are invited to add these, or other correspondences into the system or not as they find useful.

Negative Existence and Chaos, the Divine Fire

Existence happens because non-existence is unstable.

The nature of non-existence can be understood in three steps. Nothingness means no-thing-ness. “No”, negation, is the key to understanding.  The nature of Nothing can only be approached by stripping away all concept of what it is. Nothing is not anything, nor is it void, nor is it not void. Following this spiral of negation we approach an understanding that nothing is in no way limited. The nature of pure non-being is identical with all being, even all contradiction, asserting itself into being simultaneously.

This is the principle of chaos. It is the divine spark of creation. The light that flashes out of void and defines the void in its light. Its spark may immediately flash and go out, or it may take such a form that it gives rise to the next step.

Creation as Process

If what is asserted into being by Chaos is incomplete then it leaves a gap for further creation to follow on. What is created is not a statement, but a question begging for an answer. All creation as we experience it is essentially incomplete, this is the first part of the flow of time. A chain of creation can now manifest, a process of incompleteness following incompleteness. This flow is the divine principle of water.

In this step the emergent tree shows us its mode of budding, one sphere gives rise to a second sphere. The first path also emerges here. This is the path of the fool and the nature of the fool is evident in this process of endlessly moving forward into the unknown.

Process Creates Pattern 

The continuation of the process gives rise to a pattern. The run of the process can be collected in its entirety in the statement of the pattern it produces. In a simple sequence of 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + … we can simply assert the number the process has reached. This is the divine principle of air, the result of the interaction of divine fire and water.

This step shows us the second mode of emergence, splitting. Both the sphere and its path is split. These are numbered sequentially with split paths numed first.

From the General to the Particular

Within the complexity of Pattern arise emergent phenomena. The game of chess lays out only the rules by which the pieces move and how the game is won, it does not dictate a strategy, and yet some moves are proven better than others. See also Conway’s Game of Life. This manifestation is the principle of earth.

Note that we orient a compass with North down and East to the left, we find this is the classic orientation of the elements used in many rituals such as the Lesser Ritual of the Pentagram. Elements with opposing complementary aspects are across from each other on central paths.

This is now creation within creation, we move into the next level of the tree. The fourth sphere has budded from the first. It is numbered first by counting number and then by sequence of prime number. A new rule is also established here. The numbering of the paths will not exceed the sequence of the corresponding prime number of the sphere.

We also see here the first interesting numerical pattern, a symmetry of paths that all add to 5: 0+5, 1+4, 2+3. This is the first of many such patterns.

The Descent of Fire to Earth

If the process of creation will now continue in this level, creation must necessitate destruction. This is simply the same process as before, chaos sparking creation into the world, but now it is disruptive to what was there previously. This is the fundamental nature of the force of Will, though it has not yet attached itself to an agent.

This fifth sphere emerges by splitting from fourth. The path marked “6″ splits from “3″ along with it. A new symmetry of sums appears: 9 = 6+3 = 2+7 = 4+5.

If we twist the bottom of the fifth step of the process tree we find it corresponds to the classic elemental configuration of the pentagram:

The fifth process tree is the pentagram. I have written in depth about this previously, though not in relation to the tree.

The Agent, or Higher Self, The Descent of God

In the next step of creation the emerging tree provides a process for the flow from chaos to act within being. As the numbering of the paths may not exceed the next prime number, 11, we see that paths “3″ and “6″ follow the budding of the sixth sphere.

If we again twist the configuration of the tree by swapping the positions of spheres 2 and 3 we obtain an elemental formulation for the averse pentagram:

In these preceding diagrams much can be said regarding the “crossing of the abyss” and the concept of “Daath”. For the moment we shall say but a little. Indeed, as is widely known, the self must be annihilated in this upwards movement. If that is achieved, the pentagram is attained. To move further Will and Intent must be reconciled, the tree not merely climbed, but reversed in its evolution. In a final crossing it is none of the obvious paths which holds the key because the paths normally seen crossing the abyss are produced after the abyss manifests. It is rather path “3″, labeled “The Hermit” that holds this secret, the secret which can only be spoken with silence.

Sense and Perception

The agent, if not complete unto itself, leaves a gap where again further manifestation may appear. This is now experienced by the agent. Perception is the continuing process creation manifesting. This perception is both raw sense as well as emotional reaction.

Thought and Memory

The counterpart to sense is memory as the counterpart . From sensation there is now internal representation, a map-making mind.

There is a shifting of the elemental association at this point. Water in many workings is to do with feeling and emotion while air stands for thought. The symbols of The Process and the Psychick Cross suit for the spheres above.

As this sphere splits its prime is 17. The path numbering trails by two, but the number 17 manifests in many symmetrical path sums: 15 + 2, 14 + 3, 11 + 6, 12 + 5, 13 + 4. Perhaps even the pairs of 7+10 and 8+9 should be admitted.

Desire and Attachment

The world is made manifest by desire. Desire is a product of thought, where a memory or mere concept can drive behavior. It is yearning for the ten thousand things and it is desire which continues the flow of creation to the manifestation of the world.

Objective Manifestation

Through desire the world is made manifest. This is a basic formula of magick, desire must be manipulated, lust of result eliminated, in order to have power to manifest results.

In the sequence of primes, 23 emerges into manifest reality. The number 23 also manifests in another intriguing way. One of the numerical patterns that appears in the tree is the wandering sum. These are consecutive expanding chains of path numbers that add up to the same value. 23 = 11+12 = 16 + 7 = 18 + 5 = 21 + 2.

In this step we now have a tree that resembles the traditional tree in Qabalah. This was not the goal of this work. Consistent attempts were made to manifest this tree into a different form with different path structure, but the mathematical patterns forced this structure as the most stable. We cannot help but wonder whether these patterns of primes were not a secret of the original design.

Subjectivity, Manifestation of Self

Presented here with the top spheres twisted, we now move beyond traditional Qabalah, breaking the tenth vessel and revealing the eleventh. This is manifest subjectivity. It’s emergence can be connected to the dawning of the new aeon. It manifests in the philosophy and science from existentialism to the role of the observer in quantum mechanics. It is the self that is made manifest in mindfulness meditation.

The state of being represented in the eleventh sphere is one that is not uncommon, but is difficult for the unpracticed to maintain. The chaotic energy of manifestation has difficulty making it this far down the tree. Working at higher levels on the tree can clear channels to move more energy down more consistently. The goal is not retreat from manifestation, but rather complete manifestation in the world and beyond it.

With the manifestation of the subject, the wandering sum 23 now completes its ascent and descent.

Beyond Subject and Object

Beyond the manifestation of subject there is that which remains. The goal is to fully manifest the subject and then transcend that as well. This is the full manifestation of the Aeon.

This is prime 31. Marked up the middle of the three are symmetrical path sums to 31: 24 + 7, 23 + 8, 15 + 16. Together these sum to 93. The form of the cross paths also evokes the image of the psychick cross.

Shown here, the twelfth emergent process tree is labeled with suggested path names, borrowing heavily from the Thoth tarot, while diverging from it primarily at the bottom of the tree. Such a tarot deck would consist of 93 cards: 12 * 4 = 48 numbered suit cards, 4 * 4 = 16 court cards, and 29 trumps numbered 0 to 28. A prototype of such a deck sits beside me now.