Luke: [text] hi who is this? Vader: who is THIS???? Luke: are you a friend of ben’s? Vader: ben?? ben who??? Luke: ben kenobi? I just found this phone in his house. Vader: ben kenobi Vader: r u fuckin kidding me Vader: thats what he called himself???? jfc Vader: yes i was his friend why are you contacting me??? Luke: there were 1,201 unread texts from your number on this phone, so i thought i would just let you know that i’m really sorry, but ben is dead Vader: oh yeah so he claims Vader: theres no name stored with my # on there? Luke: uh yeah there is but it wasnt helpful in identifying you and i didnt feel right about reading all your messages…the couple that i saw seemed pretty personal Vader: what is the name he used for me? just curious Luke: um “headache” lol. sorry. Vader: ugh 🙄 whatever the only thing he loved more than me was complaining about me Luke: ben was my friend, too. i didn’t know he had any other friends! i mean my dad was his best friend, but he’s been dead since before I was born. Vader: wait what Luke: i have to get going, my r2 unit’s kind of got a mind of his own and he’s gonna leave tatooine without me if i don’t hurry Vader: WHAT Luke: later mister! i hope we can talk more soon!
Unknown Number: [text] Good day your highness, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I would like to inform you that I have a new number, m’lady. Satine: All right, thank you for letting me know! Obi-Wan: Yes and also I am greatly interested in knowing how you are faring on this day my dear sweet Mandalorian flower. Satine: What? Obi-Wan: Mayhaps we could talk at length about the many times we’ve spent together and the reasons why we chose to part. Satine: Obi-Wan, this is strange. Are you all right? Obi-Wan: I am most well my dearest Duchess just wishing to reminisce about days long gone! 💐
Satine: Obi, I think I’d better go. Maybe you should rest?
[Obi-Wan Kenobi has sent an image.]
Satine: What is this? Obi-Wan: It is a picture of me on my last mission, where my hair was the color of a beautiful Mandalorian sunset much like the many we saw together all those years ago. Obi-Wan: You know I have heard that one of the other Jedi I know may be married in secret! Perhaps there is hope for us yet, my darling, and we could go on double dates and travel the universe together with them! Satine: Obi, can you please call me? I am worried about you. Obi-Wan: Alas I cannot for I am in a mission briefing, my dear one! I must speak with you another time. Satine: Are you absolutely sure you are all right? Obi-Wan: Most certain, though I will be in agony until I can see your face. Surely you have only grown more beautiful, for a Duchess. Satine: What does that mean?! Obi-Wan: I must go now, away to save the universe with my brave and handsome friend Anakin Skywalker The Chosen One, while my very soul remains in Mandalore! 🌹
Obi-Wan: Anakin, please pay attention to what Master Windu is saying. I can see you typing on your phone from here. Anakin: sorry master Obi-Wan: Who are you even talking to right now? Anakin: no one master sorry ill pay attention
luke?? luke pls respond pls Luke: i dont know what u want me to say Vader: come back here and we can talk about it ill tell u everything Luke: absolutelynot Vader: im not the one who lied to u!!! that was obiwan!!! be mad at him i know i totally am!!!!!! Luke: um u cut off my hand Vader: ok so mistakes were made but also im ur dad and u were yelling at me Luke: 🙄
Vader: look just come here. the important thing is that obiwans dead and now that we both know the truth you and i can bond and i can explain all of it Luke: bens not dead u know Vader: what Luke: hes notdead. ive spoken to him. i mean hes not alive either though i think it’s sort of a greyarea Vader: what the fuck are u talking about son did they give u a lot of pain pills Luke: i dont know what he did? but he’s like a ghost that can talk to me sometimes. with the force Vader: he came back from the dead and he can talk to force users??? Luke: …apparently? anyways the next time i seethat guy hes getting an earful Vader: what ur suggesting isnt possible son. u cant cheat death. trust me. Vader: also if obiwan was a ghost he’d come visit me first Luke: look i dont knw what to tell u but ive heard and seen him. Vader: seriously? like it was really him? Luke: omg why am i eventalking to u Vader: what did he say? Luke: idk stuff about the force Vader: what else? did he mention me at all?? Luke: what is WRONG WITH YOU. youre trying to get me to join u and all u want to know is what ben’s ghost said about u??? Vader: im just curious!!!!!! im sorry but it literally makes no sense that hed talk to u first Luke: omfg Luke: r u jealous??? Vader: no Luke: right
OK @darthluminescent , it’s not Anakin “oh my god I have a cold and I’m probably dying now” Skywalker, but it is more Texts From Anakin. ;)
Anakin: [text] SNIPS Ahsoka: omggggg WHAT IS IT NOW MASTER it is 1 am Anakin: im just worried what if he doesnt like the chocolate cake Ahsoka: you SAID he likes chocolate cake. i have seen him eat chocolate cake. it’s FINE. i’m going to bed now, Master. Please do the same. I’m putting my phone on silent. Goodnight!!
Anakin: pls say u r awake Padme: I have an early Senate meeting tomorrow. I care about you, but if this is about that birthday cake again, I am going to have to block your number. Padme: Was it about the birthday cake? Anakin: no but now im not gonna tell u Padme: goodnight Ani. I am sure he will like everything you’ve planned. 💕
Anakin: look I am just really really worried about all of this bc it has to be perfect and is that one photo of me i put in his card too much? like i know i look hot but this is a man who gets embarrassed when people kiss on the holonet Mace Windu: wrong number skywalker Mace Windu: and if you ever text me at 2 am again with this ridiculous bullshit i will bust you back down to initiate again Anakin: shit sorry
Anakin: OK no one else is awake so i need ur help: i bought 17 kinds of tea for obiwans birthday do u think that is enough??? Quinlan Vos: Skywalker, the man got a rock for his birthday once, OK? u need to RELAX. He owns like 2 pairs of pants and he’s eaten the exact same breakfast every day for 35+ years. 17 kinds of tea is going to be like Space Mardi Gras for him. Plus he’s gonna be getting it from your pretty self. Quinlan Vos: Getting the tea from you, I mean. Of course. Quinlan Vos: 😏
Anakin: omg why did i seek ur counsel Quinlan Vos: hey I’m just a fan