Luke: [text] hi who is this? Vader: who is THIS???? Luke: are you a friend of ben’s? Vader: ben?? ben who??? Luke: ben kenobi? I just found this phone in his house. Vader: ben kenobi Vader: r u fuckin kidding me Vader: thats what he called himself???? jfc Vader: yes i was his friend why are you contacting me??? Luke: there were 1,201 unread texts from your number on this phone, so i thought i would just let you know that i’m really sorry, but ben is dead Vader: oh yeah so he claims Vader: theres no name stored with my # on there? Luke: uh yeah there is but it wasnt helpful in identifying you and i didnt feel right about reading all your messages…the couple that i saw seemed pretty personal Vader: what is the name he used for me? just curious Luke: um “headache” lol. sorry. Vader: ugh 🙄 whatever the only thing he loved more than me was complaining about me Luke: ben was my friend, too. i didn’t know he had any other friends! i mean my dad was his best friend, but he’s been dead since before I was born. Vader: wait what Luke: i have to get going, my r2 unit’s kind of got a mind of his own and he’s gonna leave tatooine without me if i don’t hurry Vader: WHAT Luke: later mister! i hope we can talk more soon!
Unknown Number: [text] Good day your highness, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I would like to inform you that I have a new number, m’lady. Satine: All right, thank you for letting me know! Obi-Wan: Yes and also I am greatly interested in knowing how you are faring on this day my dear sweet Mandalorian flower. Satine: What? Obi-Wan: Mayhaps we could talk at length about the many times we’ve spent together and the reasons why we chose to part. Satine: Obi-Wan, this is strange. Are you all right? Obi-Wan: I am most well my dearest Duchess just wishing to reminisce about days long gone! 💐
Satine: Obi, I think I’d better go. Maybe you should rest?
[Obi-Wan Kenobi has sent an image.]
Satine: What is this? Obi-Wan: It is a picture of me on my last mission, where my hair was the color of a beautiful Mandalorian sunset much like the many we saw together all those years ago. Obi-Wan: You know I have heard that one of the other Jedi I know may be married in secret! Perhaps there is hope for us yet, my darling, and we could go on double dates and travel the universe together with them! Satine: Obi, can you please call me? I am worried about you. Obi-Wan: Alas I cannot for I am in a mission briefing, my dear one! I must speak with you another time. Satine: Are you absolutely sure you are all right? Obi-Wan: Most certain, though I will be in agony until I can see your face. Surely you have only grown more beautiful, for a Duchess. Satine: What does that mean?! Obi-Wan: I must go now, away to save the universe with my brave and handsome friend Anakin Skywalker The Chosen One, while my very soul remains in Mandalore! 🌹
Obi-Wan: Anakin, please pay attention to what Master Windu is saying. I can see you typing on your phone from here. Anakin: sorry master Obi-Wan: Who are you even talking to right now? Anakin: no one master sorry ill pay attention
luke?? luke pls respond pls Luke: i dont know what u want me to say Vader: come back here and we can talk about it ill tell u everything Luke: absolutelynot Vader: im not the one who lied to u!!! that was obiwan!!! be mad at him i know i totally am!!!!!! Luke: um u cut off my hand Vader: ok so mistakes were made but also im ur dad and u were yelling at me Luke: 🙄
Vader: look just come here. the important thing is that obiwans dead and now that we both know the truth you and i can bond and i can explain all of it Luke: bens not dead u know Vader: what Luke: hes notdead. ive spoken to him. i mean hes not alive either though i think it’s sort of a greyarea Vader: what the fuck are u talking about son did they give u a lot of pain pills Luke: i dont know what he did? but he’s like a ghost that can talk to me sometimes. with the force Vader: he came back from the dead and he can talk to force users??? Luke: …apparently? anyways the next time i seethat guy hes getting an earful Vader: what ur suggesting isnt possible son. u cant cheat death. trust me. Vader: also if obiwan was a ghost he’d come visit me first Luke: look i dont knw what to tell u but ive heard and seen him. Vader: seriously? like it was really him? Luke: omg why am i eventalking to u Vader: what did he say? Luke: idk stuff about the force Vader: what else? did he mention me at all?? Luke: what is WRONG WITH YOU. youre trying to get me to join u and all u want to know is what ben’s ghost said about u??? Vader: im just curious!!!!!! im sorry but it literally makes no sense that hed talk to u first Luke: omfg Luke: r u jealous??? Vader: no Luke: right
OK @darthluminescent , it’s not Anakin “oh my god I have a cold and I’m probably dying now” Skywalker, but it is more Texts From Anakin. ;)
Anakin: [text] SNIPS Ahsoka: omggggg WHAT IS IT NOW MASTER it is 1 am Anakin: im just worried what if he doesnt like the chocolate cake Ahsoka: you SAID he likes chocolate cake. i have seen him eat chocolate cake. it’s FINE. i’m going to bed now, Master. Please do the same. I’m putting my phone on silent. Goodnight!!
Anakin: pls say u r awake Padme: I have an early Senate meeting tomorrow. I care about you, but if this is about that birthday cake again, I am going to have to block your number. Padme: Was it about the birthday cake? Anakin: no but now im not gonna tell u Padme: goodnight Ani. I am sure he will like everything you’ve planned. 💕
Anakin: look I am just really really worried about all of this bc it has to be perfect and is that one photo of me i put in his card too much? like i know i look hot but this is a man who gets embarrassed when people kiss on the holonet Mace Windu: wrong number skywalker Mace Windu: and if you ever text me at 2 am again with this ridiculous bullshit i will bust you back down to initiate again Anakin: shit sorry
Anakin: OK no one else is awake so i need ur help: i bought 17 kinds of tea for obiwans birthday do u think that is enough??? Quinlan Vos: Skywalker, the man got a rock for his birthday once, OK? u need to RELAX. He owns like 2 pairs of pants and he’s eaten the exact same breakfast every day for 35+ years. 17 kinds of tea is going to be like Space Mardi Gras for him. Plus he’s gonna be getting it from your pretty self. Quinlan Vos: Getting the tea from you, I mean. Of course. Quinlan Vos: 😏
Anakin: omg why did i seek ur counsel Quinlan Vos: hey I’m just a fan
tfw u seethe with anger at ur captor, desperate 2 tear the man’s mask off and hammer it into his skull, but then the Creature takes it off himself and has a young man’s face with an old man’s eyes, lips and eyes that stand out against the pale complexion of one who shirks the sun, and the look of a student who takes no joy in his studies; who perceives only the great problems of the galaxy and not its simple pleasures
What if like that room we know exists has the texts also go into history. Maybe they find vaders cell which he had since the clone wars and luke gave them obi wans. Which is also from the clone wars. Mace has left voicemails that they forgot to delete with him ranting at them. Ahsoka calls them. Among other things. If artoo can unlock himself then everyone has blackmail for everyone from the clone wars.
Vader’s Phone: texts from Obi-Wan, annoyed voicemails from Mace, several thousand pictures of Obi-Wan, several thousand pictures of Padme, search history includes
“duchess of mandalore nephew father theory”, “obi-wan kenobi sexy hair”, “gift for pregnant wife”, “jedi takeover plot real?”, “how to cheat death”, “bulk cape purchase”, “anakin skywalker clone wars hot”, “are ghosts real”, “luke skywalker birth date”, “master yoda alive conspiracy”, “anakin skywalker/obi-wan kenobi AO3″, “changing careers in your 50s”
Obi-Wan’s Phone: a billion texts from Anakin/Vader of increasing desperation and various levels of NSFW, several thousand pictures of Anakin (you know it), search history includes “difficult teenager parenting”, “how to fake own death”, “what does an infant need multi-day road trip”, “snake recipes”, “bail organa daughter update”, “how to get bantha hair out of house”, “back pain treatment”, “how to stop contacting ex”, “can you send pancakes through the mail”
I do love the fact that Artoo has dirt on everyone, too.
I really want to see episodes based on Ezra’s life on the streets; like a mini Ezra trying to survive, dealing with all the hardships of being a vulnerable 8 year old trying to steal food/credits from dodgy folk.
Like as the story goes; he gets a little older each time; like from 8 to 10 to 12 to 14… each having some horrible shiz that goes down. (I mean 14 was probably the best age of his life so that doesn’t count.)
Like heck Kanan/Caleb got lucky and found someone but Ezra was literally on his own (Except from the odd person who gave him fruit. Oh and Furpil)
Like I’m sure this kid has been through so much hatred and neglect; he’s probably got so many scars both physically and mentally…
Reading his journal again… And Ezra’s gamble. How the heck does this kid not have trust issues?!
as it's valentine's day - what do you think anakin and obi-wan would be doing?
Enjoy, (or “enjoy”/”I’m sorry my blog is like this sometimes” as the case may be):
Anakin: [text] what is this that u left on the table for me Obi-Wan: Happy Valentine’s Day! Anakin: u got me socks Anakin: for valentines day Obi-Wan: Yes, I’d noticed that yours were all in terrible shape. 😉 Anakin: socks Obi-Wan: I know I should have waited until I got home to give them to you but I just couldn’t. Anakin: socks Obi-Wan: Anakin are you all right? Anakin: i just…i cant believe u got me socks Obi-Wan: You’re welcome! 😘 I ordered them months ago. Anakin: oh Obi-Wan: I know how you’re always cold and all. These are the extra-insulated kind. Anakin: i do hate the cold Obi-Wan: I hope you like them Obi-Wan: Anakin? [pause] Anakin: i love them Anakin: u r the best Obi-Wan: Oh good! A few people told me it wasn’t a good gift so I admit I was a little worried. Anakin: no i mean who wouldnt want new socks for valentines day Obi-Wan: 😊
Anakin: and u like what i got u right?? Obi-Wan: Ah, yes, the complete seventh season of Dragons and Droids that you’ve been wanting to buy. Anakin: yeah this way you can actually see the finale since u slept thru it last time Obi-Wan: Yes, that will be a treat. We can watch it tonight. Anakin: ill wear my new socks 😘
[it’s the thought that counts…right? I feel like this is going to come back to haunt both of them someday when they’re arguing and “OH SURE, THIS FROM THE MAN WHO BOUGHT ME SOCKS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY!” “Well at least I didn’t buy MYSELF a gift and pretend it was for you!” gets thrown out there but we’ll let them be happy for now]