texts from star wars

Luke: [text] hi who is this?
Vader: who is THIS????
Luke: are you a friend of ben’s?
Vader: ben?? ben who??? 
Luke: ben kenobi? I just found this phone in his house. 
Vader: ben kenobi
Vader: r u fuckin kidding me
Vader: thats what he called himself???? jfc 
Vader: yes i was his friend why are you contacting me???
Luke: there were 1,201 unread texts from your number on this phone, so i thought i would just let you know that i’m really sorry, but ben is dead
Vader: oh yeah so he claims 
Vader: theres no name stored with my # on there?
Luke: uh yeah there is but it wasnt helpful in identifying you and i didnt feel right about reading all your messages…the couple that i saw seemed pretty personal
Vader: what is the name he used for me? just curious
Luke: um “headache” lol. sorry. 
Vader: ugh 🙄 whatever the only thing he loved more than me was complaining about me
Luke: ben was my friend, too. i didn’t know he had any other friends! i mean my dad was his best friend, but he’s been dead since before I was born. 
Vader: wait what
Luke: i have to get going, my r2 unit’s kind of got a mind of his own and he’s gonna leave tatooine without me if i don’t hurry
Vader: WHAT
Luke: later mister! i hope we can talk more soon!

Unknown Number: [text] Good day your highness, this is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I would like to inform you that I have a new number, m’lady. 
Satine: All right, thank you for letting me know! 
Obi-Wan: Yes and also I am greatly interested in knowing how you are faring on this day my dear sweet Mandalorian flower. 
Satine: What?
Obi-Wan: Mayhaps we could talk at length about the many times we’ve spent together and the reasons why we chose to part. 
Satine: Obi-Wan, this is strange. Are you all right?
Obi-Wan: I am most well my dearest Duchess just wishing to reminisce about days long gone! 💐
Satine: Obi, I think I’d better go. Maybe you should rest? 

[Obi-Wan Kenobi has sent an image.]

Satine: What is this?
Obi-Wan: It is a picture of me on my last mission, where my hair was the color of a beautiful Mandalorian sunset much like the many we saw together all those years ago.
Obi-Wan: You know I have heard that one of the other Jedi I know may be married in secret! Perhaps there is hope for us yet, my darling, and we could go on double dates and travel the universe together with them!   
Satine: Obi, can you please call me? I am worried about you. 
Obi-Wan: Alas I cannot for I am in a mission briefing, my dear one! I must speak with you another time.
Satine: Are you absolutely sure you are all right?
Obi-Wan: Most certain, though I will be in agony until I can see your face. Surely you have only grown more beautiful, for a Duchess.
Satine: What does that mean?!
Obi-Wan: I must go now, away to save the universe with my brave and handsome friend Anakin Skywalker The Chosen One, while my very soul remains in Mandalore! 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹 🌹

Obi-Wan: Anakin, please pay attention to what Master Windu is saying. I can see you typing on your phone from here. 
Anakin: sorry master
Obi-Wan: Who are you even talking to right now?
Anakin: no one master sorry ill pay attention  😇

12 SHOCKING Photos of Anakin Skywalker!

So I’ve noticed this “trend” of electricity being highly attracted to Anakin. 

And I have to ask, how did this guy manage to have kids, let alone twins

Well… I looked it up. Luckily for him, it only causes temporary infertility, but still… this guy’s been fried so many times… lol  

I figure with the coming holiday season and all, Anakin all lit up was a highly appropriate post to make. :P

[sort of started here]

Vader: [text] luke?? luke pls respond pls
Luke: i dont know what u want me to say
Vader: come back here and we can talk about it ill tell u everything
Luke: absolutelynot
Vader: im not the one who lied to u!!! that was obiwan!!! be mad at him i know i totally am!!!!!!
Luke: um u cut off my hand
Vader: ok so mistakes were made but also im ur dad and u were yelling at me 
Luke: 🙄
Vader: look just come here. the important thing is that obiwans dead and now that we both know the truth you and i can bond and i can explain all of it  
Luke: bens not dead u know
Vader: what
Luke: hes notdead. ive spoken to him. i mean hes not alive either though i think it’s sort of a greyarea
Vader: what the fuck are u talking about son did they give u a lot of pain pills 
Luke: i dont know what he did? but he’s like a ghost that can talk to me sometimes. with the force
Vader: he came back from the dead and he can talk to force users???
Luke: …apparently? anyways the next time i seethat guy hes getting an earful 
Vader: what ur suggesting isnt possible son. u cant cheat death. trust me.
Vader: also if obiwan was a ghost he’d come visit me first
Luke: look i dont knw what to tell u but ive heard and seen him. 
Vader: seriously? like it was really him?
Luke: omg why am i eventalking to u 
Vader: what did he say?
Luke: idk stuff about the force 
Vader: what else? did he mention me at all??
Luke: what is WRONG WITH YOU. youre trying to get me to join u and all u want to know is what ben’s ghost said about u???
Vader: im just curious!!!!!! im sorry but it literally makes no sense that hed talk to u first 
Luke: omfg
Luke: r u jealous??? 
Vader: no
Luke: right

OK @darthluminescent , it’s not  Anakin “oh my god I have a cold and I’m probably dying now” Skywalker, but it is more Texts From Anakin. ;) 

Anakin: [text] SNIPS
Ahsoka: omggggg WHAT IS IT NOW MASTER it is 1 am 
Anakin: im just worried what if he doesnt like the chocolate cake 
Ahsoka: you SAID he likes chocolate cake. i have seen him eat chocolate cake. it’s FINE. i’m going to bed now, Master. Please do the same. I’m putting my phone on silent. Goodnight!!

Anakin: pls say u r awake 
Padme: I have an early Senate meeting tomorrow. I care about you, but if this is about that birthday cake again, I am going to have to block your number. 
Padme: Was it about the birthday cake?
Anakin: no but now im not gonna tell u 
Padme: goodnight Ani. I am sure he will like everything you’ve planned. 💕

Anakin: look I am just really really worried about all of this bc it has to be perfect and is that one photo of me i put in his card too much? like i know i look hot but this is a man who gets embarrassed when people kiss on the holonet 
Mace Windu: wrong number skywalker
Mace Windu: and if you ever text me at 2 am again with this ridiculous bullshit i will bust you back down to initiate again 
Anakin: shit sorry 

Anakin: OK no one else is awake so i need ur help: i bought 17 kinds of tea for obiwans birthday do u think that is enough???
Quinlan Vos: Skywalker, the man got a rock for his birthday once, OK? u need to RELAX. He owns like 2 pairs of pants and he’s eaten the exact same breakfast every day for 35+ years. 17 kinds of tea is going to be like Space Mardi Gras for him. Plus he’s gonna be getting it from your pretty self. 
Quinlan Vos: Getting the tea from you, I mean. Of course.
Quinlan Vos: 😏
Anakin: omg why did i seek ur counsel 
Quinlan Vos: hey I’m just a fan