texts from gotham

anonymous asked:

Can we have some texts from gotham? Those are the best!!!

(412): It’s just not St. Patrick’s Day until someone pukes on your panties.

~

Tim’s nose wrinkles up in disgust and Jason laughs at him. Steph’s right, Tim really does look like a bunny from certain angles when he does that.

“But those were scales,” Tim eventually says, ignoring the way Jason’s slowly falling on top of him. “How did you even get it out?”

“Alfred,” Jason salutes the absent man with a mostly empty glass as he finishes his slow fall. His face is smashed up against Tim’s thigh, and it’s not a bad place to be at all. “He is a genius of laundry.”

Tim makes an agreeing sound and pours them both more green beer.

~

(406): All I want is dick and wine.

~

“Yes,” Tim says when he answers his phone. Not giving Jason a chance to speak as he snaps out, “I mean that in the sense of it being a thing not the person, and I want both those things right now. Any questions?”

Jason may or may not mutter, “Shit,” before hanging up. Tim doesn’t know or care because Jason shows up at his apartment fifteen minutes later with wine.

~

(973): I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?

~

Tim looks up blankly for a moment processing the question before asking, with more than a little bit of betrayal in his voice, “You ordered Chinese without me?”

Jason decides then and there that it doesn’t matter if he’s a responsible adult or not. It’s very clear to him, after all, that he’s more responsible than Tim at the very least.

I imagine in Gotham phrases like “it’s to die for” has been unofficially banned. Because when you know there’s at least one supervillian in your town who knows way too much about poison, a barista complimenting your beverage choice with that phrase seems more like a threat

So anyways RLT completely confirmed that Oswald is asexual & doesn’t feel sexual attraction but went there with the anti-gay-that-doesn’t-even-fit-canon ableism again so I’m weeping. 

Like I know hes trying to prevent Oswalds gayness from being correlated to his villainy and thus its easier to just say hes “queer”, but a) he just went there with asexuality (yay!) but again threw the “Oswalds too broken and damaged and x disorder and so I’m gonna just keep calling him ‘queer’” thing out immediately and I’m like (nay)