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Breakdown

No I’m sorry guys, I’m not going to speak of headcanon or share one of my character’s story but I feel the need to explain why I broke down a few days ago and what happened since then as I rarely share much of my life.

What you have to know is the goal for the AC was reached Tuesday, that I called the company and the AC got lost on its way to me as it was sent the 3rd of July and I shall contact them again if it didn’t reach me - once more - by Monday.
I also recovered from the event which happened the 17th (me walking for over an hour under the sun and almost collapsing) and the physio replacing my usual one for three weeks has tried new methods to relieve my pain.
Since Tuesday, I decided to relax and to take care mostly of myself as I’m not someone who tends to break down that way easily.

The rest, I mean what happened those pasts years and lead me to write such desperate call Monday, will be explained under the cut. For now I mostly want you to know that I’m doing ok, taking it easy and trying to relax as I promised myself to do.

Keep reading

hey look who’s back with more foreteller headcanons (Spoiler, it’s me)

  • They’re all half-convinced that Gula can teleport.
    • Like, they /know/ that he can’t
    • but he still manages to show up in places he really shouldn’t be able to get to at the randomest times
    • He was in the rafters one time when Invi glanced in the library at three am
    • He was on a mission on another world one day and Luxu tried to sneak one of Gula’s secret stash of chocolates, only to find him there waiting
    • Master has found him sitting in his chair in his office. What’re you doing here Gula.  The door was locked, Gula.  I am about to have a secret meeting with Ira.  How did you know.  Why is the window open.  We’re twelve floors up, Gula.
  • So Invi’s like the only foreteller besides Luxu who doesn’t show the bottom of her face, yeah? so i’m throwing this out there that she’s got vitiligo, maybe not a severe case, but definitely on her neck a bit and maybe arms (yes, yes, I know that’s not shown when she does take the scarf down but just give me this square enix, let me ignore the fact that all the foretellers have the same white skin)  and she’s pretty sensitive about it so even before she was Anguis’ master and before the masks and everything she usually had a scarf on.  Ira probably always tried to get her to take it off and encouraged her to not be shy about it but gah that’s just from me wanting to ship them
  • Okay so consider with me: Family board game night
    • we’ll go with monopoly because why not
  • Gula was the treasurer once but no one is making that mistake again so it gets given to Invi or to ava on occasion
  • Aced gets way too into the game.  like, waaay too invested. like, he won’t let it go, like, calm down, Aced, you’re not stuck in jail forever–no you don’t understand i have to get to go, invi, i need that 200
  • Ira tries to pretend he’s not into it but he so is.  he so is.  he’s got everybody’s scores memorized and he’s determined not to lose more often than luxu
  • Invi’s won the most times, closely followed by Gula.  Aced is pretty close after them tho, and Ava wins fairly often but she’s got this problem where she doesn’t like to be mean and she’ll forgive loans to not put people out of the game coughLuxucough but she does win sometimes (and no, none of them let her win that’s preposterous, they never do that psh).  Luxu has really bad luck whenever he plays, but he pulls off a nice deception every once in a while and wins if Invi’s distracted.  Ira can win, but he just… isn’t good with commitment? like? won’t buy the property because he wants to save his money ‘cuz Gula’s got his corner up ahead and if i get between a three and a five i’ll land there i can’t risk it. 
  • Master usually doesn’t play but when he does he dominates. Every single time. Don’t ask him to play Clue because then you never, never win.  he’s probably just as good at chess.
  • okay so you know who’s paranoid? ira.  anyone laughing in the vicinity–boom, ira’s there, were you talking about me?  He shows up in Master’s study randomly: ‘Master did you see, the front door’s open, we’ve been infiltrated someone’s broken in.’ No, that was just Luxu, he left the door open on his way to the bakery.  Someone gets sick? No we’ve been cursed who have you offended recently (is that a trick question, gula asks, coughing).  Invi finds Ira almost in tears one day cuz his mask broke-no invi you don’t get it it’s a sign this means i’m not fit to be Unicornis’ Master, invi stop sighing this is serious
  • Aced’s got, like, no filter, which surprises no one
  • but neither does Master, which is worse, because Master is always accurate in his observations.  like, you know that John Mulaney stand-up bit where he’s talking about twelve-year-olds or whatever, how they always make fun of the one thing you’re really insecure about? yeah, that’s Master
    • Oh, Ava, you really shouldn’t have trusted that shady-looking kid (no, really? ava asks, after being stabbed by said shady kid)
    • Invi, you know Aced thinks you’re a tattle tale (but I did see Luxu–Invi says anyway, her voice faltering)
    • Ira, you haven’t been practicing your fighting, have you? that was sloppy (yes, Master, Ira says, mentally writing his resignation letter)
    • Man, Luxu, you sure have this weird habit of shrinking in your chair every time i ask you to do something (no i don’t, Luxu says, under the table)
  • Invi: “This is a bad idea.” Ira: “If you ever stop saying that, I’ll know it’s time to start worrying.”
  • There’s a rule in the castle that no one is allowed to cast Fire in the third-floor corridor but no one knows why (Luxu reddens suspiciously whenever it’s brought up)
  • There’s another rule that everybody knows the reason for because they were all there that one time Aced accidentally smashed his Glider through three flights of stairs and so they moved Glider practice to outside

honestly i never thought i’d have such an amazingly pure friendship that isn’t toxic in anyway, where we send each other weird selfies of us making gross faces and are there for each other through thick and thin. where one of us sends the other an audio clip of us trying to make the “uwu” noise and then we go about our day like nothing happened. this friendship is amazing even tho we’re weird as holy hell, but we’re comfortable being ourselves and that’s what makes it so great. we help each other through problems and it feels like i finally found a platonic soul mate
thank you for being my friend and i am thankful for u everyday sam
@zampl

Reading Conquering The Great King Like...

It was supposed to be a smut fic but instead it became an angsty painful journey with my OTP that left me in a puddle of tears at three in the morning.

I was just talking to my sister about My Little Pony and I meant to say “Diamond Tiara” but I accidentally said “Yellow Diamond” instead, and… That would be a very different situation for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, wouldn’t it

I am walking hand in hand with someone or something. We’re walking somewhere nice, somewhere that I like. There’s this sweet music in the background, I feel very warm. I think I smile. I don’t feel anything though, but imagining I do helps a lot. So we’re like it, us two, walking peacefully in that warm place - it’s warm because just now, I decided that the scenery would be in warm colors, such as yellow, orange and red, since it’s sunset. I like sunset so it’s sunset now. Ahh, I fell so grea-


“ Is this even a relationship ? “


I stop walking, and so does the thing by my side. They ask me, “what’s up ?”, and I stay quiet. Instead of saying anything, I just look in the void, trying to calm my sudden heartbeat. The music is still there, a little louder though. I feel my body freezing a little. Oh God, why so suddenly.. ? Deciding to stay calm, I put that strange feeling of uneasiness and anxiety aside, smiling once again. So we keep walking. With that sweet music.


“ You ain’t honest with your feelings. “


I can feel myself starting to wheeze. I stop again, and the thing grab one of my shoulder, very concerned about my state. The music is loud now, I can feel the beat. My free hand reach up for the place where my heart is beating. I can feel it being squeezed by an unknown strenght. Taking a deep breath, I keep trying to calm myself. I will be fine.. I just need to let that go. So we’re walking again. With that loud music. But every second, every step I make, I always open my eyes and look up at the little screen in my hands.. anticipating what’s about to come. And there it is.


“ I was stupid thinking you were my “best friend”. “


It’s here-.. just here..


“ We aren’t friends. “


Right before.. my eyes.. !


“I was useless for you after all. “



But I never.. said.. !

I’m wheezing. I’m crying. What is happening ? Where is my sweet sunset, my calm and soothing music ? Where is the thing supposed to be with me ? What have I done ? I did my best, didn’t I ? I.. I listened for them for hours ! I was there when they weren’t feeling well ! But don’t I have a life too ? “We all have problems”. Well N O S H I T ! But that’s not an excuse ! Where they here when I was scratching the walls ? When I was being told “too selfish” and “not capable of thinking well” ? WHERE. WHERE WERE THEY ? 


I’m.. heartbroken. But that’s not the first time, and certainly not the last. It’s always because of me. Because I don’t talk enough with people. Because I need time alone. Because I never express myself. Because I keep everything for me and only me. I.. I never complained to them. I’m not like that, that’s just me.. I’ve been kind, I’ve been very careful not to hurt others and yet.. ? They are ? Like- what, how ? Because I have problems too, they are hurt ? Because I need time alone to think and survive, they are hurt ? B-But.. But.. ! I did my best ! So can’t they at least notice it ! Notice all the time I’ve been fighting against their cries and pain, trying to help them !


Can’t they see how TIRED I’ve got ? How I needed to RECHARGE my batteries ? How studies keep bringing me down ? How I am reserved and alone outside ? 

Can’t they realize all that ?

They complain and keep me down by saying how they all want to sucide  and all- I’ve been supporting them, I’ve been by their sides, and they never considerated MY feelings ! But I am HUMAN too, aren’t I ? And a very complex case. Oh God, what have I done.. ?


.


.


.



The sunset is.. still there. The music is.. almost inaudible. I am alone.. my head hurts, and my eyes are drowning in warm tears. I can’t open my eyes again, I just can’t. I am too afraid of seeing what they’ve answered. They’ve blocked me. I can’t talk, they wouldn’t believe me. They just think they aren’t anything to me, when they were everything. I never had such company before.. they left me behind.


Isn’t it sad.. ?

But who am I to complain ? Will someone hear me ? Will someone care like I did ? Because it’s very painful.

I just hope I will never have to run into that kind of experience ever again. It’s so scary.. yeah. Conflicts are very scary. I’m still shaking.


Ah, what a day.. but that’s maybe why..



.. I’m such a maladaptive daydreamer.

On vampires & bloodsucking

What I think a lot of people maybe don’t consider is that, historically speaking, vampires have almost always been an intrinsically sexual thing in literature. Sucking blood is a metaphor for sex. Dracula was largely about Victorian era sexuality, particularly female sexuality and homosexuality (Bram Stoker was close friends with Oscar Wilde, and started writing the book right after his trial). At the time, people thought blood was the same as sperm (No, really). Naturally, fangs penetrating a person’s neck is a metaphor for sexual penetration.

This is one of the reasons why Ferid was so fucking creepy from the very beginning; he wanted to suck children’s blood directly. Even if you’re not actively aware of the implications of sucking blood, you probably still thought that was creepy as fuck.

This is also why the scene where Mika sucks Yuu’s blood feels so significant (at least to many people). From a literary standpoint, it’s basically a loss-of-virginity scene, and the position they are in during it only makes it more obvious, as well as some of the dialogue afterward.

For over a hundred years, vampire stories have often been used as a vehicle to talk about pretty much any kind of sex that society disapproves of, particularly in stories where the vampires don’t want to drink blood.
Once you start thinking about Mika’s story from that perspective, you will probably find that a lot of aspects of it are consistent with history.

I’m quite surprised that so few people in the mikayuu fandom are discussing this actively. If someone else has already made these points, I apologize.