Note: Please see the post that follows this one on my blog for the update on this situation
This was my first commission but unfortunately I was not paid for it, the
person who requested it just started delaying his payment when I
announced I had finished it (since it was my 1st one I asked way below
what I should and let him/her pay when it was done).
couple of months I got tired of having to reach him/her and deal with
excuses so I decided to upload it in low rez so the effort didn’t go to
Still can’t sleep at nights. It’s not because he has visions and dreams of Voldemort, or Cedric’s hollow eyes looking up at him. It’s because of the nightmares about the green flash of avada kedavra and the psychotic laughter before he died and about everyone who died because of him, who died fighting for him.
He can’t sleep because something seems to missing, a part of himself that Harry himself never really thought about. There’s just no more meaning to his life and that’s the most frightening thing he has ever felt.
Nothing seems okay. It doesn’t feel like the war is over. Because all his life he has been raised to become a martyr, a weapon, a sacrificefor others and now Harry has no more meaning, no more purpose for his life.
Somewhere along the way Harry starts to hate himself, the wizarding world and Dumbledore as much as he had hated Voldemort.
There is also depression and PTSD twisted together and they make him so, so angry sometimes. He jumps equally much at loud noises and a silence that seems too deep. He doesn’t do well with sudden movement and people touching him.
And his magic is all over the goddamn place. It sways together with Harry’s mood and makes things explode or melt and he doesn’t know how to stop it.
He renovates the Grimauld place and creates a large garden in the backyard as a way to forget and ignore - his own kind of therapy because no one else seems to understand him. No mind healers or doctors, even his friends don’t seem to quite get it.
Being together with Teddy helps the most. The baby looks at him without judgement, without expectations and without pity. The little boy is happy with just plain old Harry that makes silly faces and weird noises.
he doesn’t become an auror like he wanted - too much war and fighting and blood for him already. Instead he goes into Magical Creature care, working with testrals and the like.
He still doesn’t eat quite as much as he should.
There are times when he doesn’t sleep for three days straight and then passes out from exhausting, only to wake up hours later shivering and drenched in cold sweat.
what if Harry never really got over the war and doesn’t even really know how to properly get over it to begin with?