tes-v:-skyrim

But how fucked up is it when you think about how much of a dumbass Alduin is. The fucker resurfaces in 4E 201, senses the Dragonborn, immediately hunts them down in Helgen. The Dragonborn was just about to be killed anyway, but Alduin destroys the town and manages to kill almost everyone EXCEPT the ONE PERSON he was originally trying to kill.

Alduin is a fucking moron.

Jorrvaskr apple pie

Jorrvaskr, the famed mead hall at the centre of Whiterun, is home to the Companions and as a result, their feasting table is now laden with much more than just mead to feed these hungry warriors! This age-old recipe was passed down to me by Jorrvaskr’s caretaker, Tilma the Haggard, and is a favourite of the Companions and can always be found at their tables. With a crumbly, buttery crust and an irresistible spiced apple filling, I am proud to share this secret recipe with the rest of Tamriel! (Don’t tell Tilma though!)

You will need:
Pastry
250g plain flour
25g caster sugar
2-3 tbsp milk
125g butter, very cold and diced
2 large egg yolks
Pinch of salt
Medium sized pie tin

Filling
315g red apples, peeled and diced
1 stalk rhubarb, diced
1 egg white, beaten
45g soft brown sugar, plus extra for sprinkling
2 tbsp caster sugar
45g butter, softened, plus extra for brushing
1 shot spiced rum
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
½ tsp allspice
1 tsp vanilla essence
¼ cup pecans, chopped

Method:
To make the pie crust, put the flour, sugar, salt, and butter into a food processor and blend until a breadcrumb consistency is reached. Add the egg yolk and whizz again for a moment, and finally the milk. Once the dough has formed, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and work until it is smooth. Wrap in cling wrap and chill for half an hour minimum before using.

Preheat your oven to 200C/400F and place the pie tin in to heat up.

In a mixing bowl, combine all the filling ingredients except for the egg white and mix thoroughly.

Dust your work surface with flour and roll out your pastry into a circle to fit your pie tin, leaving aside a small quantity of dough to make the top lattice. Fit the pastry to the tin, then spoon in the filling evenly. Sprinkle the top with brown sugar.

Using a roller cutter or knife, cut out a lattice with the last of the dough and secure to the top of your pie. Brush all over with butter and the egg white to glaze.

Bake for 30 minutes on the middle shelf. Leave to cool for 15 minutes before removing from the tin. Serve hot with a drizzle of custard or vanilla ice cream.

Can we all just take a moment and feel bad for thirstguy who only had one wish before he died…

No, it wasn’t his family, 

aaand probably also not finishing his collection of scented candles

Nope, it was his true love drinky.

#RIPthirstguy