HAPPY BISEXUAL PRIDE DAY TO ALL MY BI BI-TCHES! MAY WE CONTINUE MAKING BI-LLION PUNS AND REMAIN
AM-BI-TIOUS. YOU ARE A VALID BISEXUAL EVEN IF YOU ARE IN A HOMOSEXUAL OR HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP OR ALL BI YOURSELF
One day Cynthia admits to Evan that Connor used to love jokes, like how she did in A Little Bit of Light (;-;), and Evan makes it his life goal to get Connor to laugh at those types of cheesy jokes he used to love.
He’d try knock knock jokes, some classics, a large variety of puns, he even went out of his way to find some to appeal to Connor’s darker sense of humor, all to little or no avail.
(Connor chucked at a dirty joke one time that left Evan a blushing mess but at least he got that small victory)
One day they skip lunch together in the library, Evan writing a mythology paper and Connor reading something for English. It’s a pretty normal afternoon, Connor intermittently complaining about his book as Evan struggles to remember the countless Greek stories he’s analyzing.
“I mean this guy fucked his own mom, who writes this stuff?”
And suddenly the answer is there, right in front of him. Evan looks between his friend’s book and his own paper. This was it, this was his chance.
“If Oedipus and King Midas met, it’d be pure m-motherfucking gold.”
Evan never really liked to swear, but it was nessesary for the joke. Besides, watching Connor freeze on the spot, slowly lower his book, and break into hysterics was well worth the profanity.
They end up getting kicked out of the library because Connor is hyperventilating and Evan can’t really hold back his snort-laughter, and Evan’s so triumphant he can barely apologize to the librarian with a straight face as they’re escorted out of the room.
Uf, ut sans reaction to having an s/o who's hosting a cat playdate/bithday party , where the s/o invites all they're cats friends from the neiberhood, and they all do the things humans do for birthdays.
Red nopes out of there so fast. Nope. He can’t do this.
“uh, i think i left the stove on… in snowdin. better go check on it.”
He makes a beeline for the exit, but Edge is there with Doomfanger! “EXCELLENT TIMING, BROTHER.” Edge thrusts Doomfanger into Red’s arms, while Red stares straight ahead with hollow sockets. “DOOMFANGER IS HERE FOR THE PLAYDATE. MAKE SURE NOTHING HAPPENS TO MY CAT OR I’LL TAKE YOUR FEMUR FOR HER NEW SCRATCHING POST!”
Red begins to sweat. “i was actually headin’ out, so–”
Edge leans forward, narrowing his eyesockets. “ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO SKIRT YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES, SANS?”
Red stiffens, shaking his head. “i jus’ don’t see why you can’t watch your own damn cat.”
Edge glowers, the air turning dangerously charged. “I HAVE TO GET TO WORK. YOUR DATEMATE STATED THAT YOU WOULD BE HERE TO WATCH DOOMFANGER. ARE YOU SAYING THAT WAS A LIE?”
“n-nope, not at all. you can count on me, boss.” His smile is tight.
“THAT REMAINS TO BE SEEN.”
As soon as Edge leaves, the cat begins hissing at Red. “stupid fuckin’ cat…” he mutters, and the Doomfanger starts clawing at his face. Red shouts, letting go of the feline, which then proceeds to run off toward the party. Red ends up trapped there, running around and trying to keep Doomfanger in line, while becoming grouchier and grouchier.
He breaks up with the s/o afterward. He really doesn’t do cats.
A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMO!!!! I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS DRABBLE!! I couldn’t do a very long one because I’m the not the punniest person around and this is the most puns I’ve come up with in my life, wow. Anyhoo, hope you have a great day dear!! ^^
WARNING: Contains terrible puns and jokes. Read at your own risk.
Saeran was at his limit.
Closing his eyes and raising the glass of water to his lips, he tried to ignore that stupid, suspiciously gleeful voice. Nothing good ever came out of Saeyoung using that tone around him, and Saeran certainly did not want to stick around to find out. Hastily, he turned on his heel and began marching back to his room, but it was too late.
“Water you up to? If you’re free, could you help me find my quench? It should be in my workroom but I can’t find it in anywhere even with my glasses on.”
The younger twin choked on his water, and it was incredibly tempting to spray his mouthful of water in his annoying brother’s face, but that would be too disgusting to clean up. So he forced the water down his throat, coughing a couple times after.
“Oh no, Saeran, are you okay? Would you like me to cough-fer you any assistance?”
Tears sprang to his eyes as his coughing fit worsened, but Saeran managed to set the glass down on the counter and land a haphazard kick in his brother’s side. That made Saeyoung lose his balance and fall on his butt with a resounding thud. A soft groan followed shortly after as he winced and rubbed at the new sore spot on his posterior.
“Shut up, or I’ll fuckick make sure you regret it,” Saeran muttered, glaring at Saeyoung. “You’ll end up more than just butthurt.”
“Butt, all I wanted to do was help…” Saeyoung whimpered pitifully, before releasing an exaggerated sigh. “Ass I always say, this world is unfair.”
True to his word, Saeran kicked him once more, harder this time, his food connecting with his brother’s calf. And as the drama king that he was, Saeyoung instantly recoiled, hugging his legs to his chest and making fake crying sounds.
“I think you’ve been drinking too much with Jumin. Quit wining. I didn’t even hit you that hard.”
“Grape, critical hit!” Saeyoung gasped, clutching onto his chest now and breathing erratically. “HP going down! Mayday mayday!” His body began to spasm and jerk, resembling a fish flopping about on dry land.
Saeran watched him continue this for a few moments before thinking that he should put a stop to it before Saeyoung actually broke his spine or something.
Just as he bent down to help his brother up, the sound of footsteps and a new voice filled the living room.
“…What are you two doing?” she asked, folding her arms across her chest and chuckling at the ridiculous sight of her husband lying on the floor in foetal position and his brother standing over him. Judging from the chuckles spilling from her and the amusement on her face, she must have overheard their exchange.
“Shoot, it’s MC,” Saeran blurted, face starting to turn a light shade of red.
“Son of a gun! It’s MC, she’s come to save me! Take that, Saeran!”
“Don’t jump the gun, Saeyoung. Who said I was here to save you?” she grinned, stepping over and linking arms with Saeran, whose confusion was slowly dissolving into triumph. A smug grin started to form on his face when he locked gazes with MC and she winked at him playfully.
“Time for the Defender of Justice to meet his end,” Saeran chuckled darkly. “This pun war is over.”
Saeyoung gave a weak gasp at that, and pretended to wipe a stray tear from the corner of his eye. “I guess I can’t pun away from this… Goodbye…”