terrible pick up lines

Fanfiction reading challenge

I have seen a lot of “book challenge for 2017″ and I thought “Hey, why we don’t have this with fanfiction???” and here we are with 101 points.

High School AU

Hogwarts AU

First Kiss  

First Time

Secret Relationship AU

Roommate AU

More than 30 chapters ff

More than 60 chapters ff

Fake relationship

A is famous, B is a fan  

Both A and B are famous  

Teacher/student AU

Stripper AU

Pure smut ff

Smut with some kinks in it (wink wink)

Jock and Nerd AU

Dancer AU (includes cheerleaders, but not strippers)

Cheating (A with B, not A on B)

Christmas ff

Kiss under mistletoe  

Summer Love  

Bad boy/girl and good student AU

Dating show  

New Years Kiss  

Cuddling  

Making out (the one that does not lead to smut tho)

Slow burn

Sloweeeeeeest burn ever (you will know the difference)

Soulmates AU – colours

Soulmates AU – tattoos/marks/names

Soulmate AU – others  

A has terrible pick up lines, B finds it annoying/adorable

Sexting/phone sex

Birthday Party

Meet Cute  

Drunk Meeting

Drunk!A had a crush on B for a long time and now alcohol is involved  

Vampires or other supernatural AU (except werewolf)

Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics AU

Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics – omega is pregnant AU

Coffeeshop AU (it just had to be here, we all know it xD)

‘We were supposed to be just fuckbuddies but feeling happened’ AU

Forced to sleep in one bed

Camping (bonus for sleeping in one tent/sleeping bag, because B forgot his/hers)

A taking care of sick B

Fluff

Fluffiest fluffy fluff that ever fluff (again: you will know the difference)

'Our friends tried to set us up, may give it a go when we are here’  

‘I thought I wasn’t gay, but hello there I may be bi now’

Teasing – like a lot of this one

Wearing each other clothes  

Competing sport teams/schools  

Competing CEO’s

Crossover ff

Blind date AU

Angst  

Heavy angst  

Cheating (not A with B, but A on B)

Break up fic

*Major character Death* - although I would recommend to avoid this one  

Jealousy

Childhood friends  

A is in a toxic relationship/after break up and B helps to heal broken heart  

One of them is a Doctor/Police Officer/Lawyer and that’s how they met  

Crack fic

'I thought feelings are long gone but then I saw you again after years, and yep, its still here’

Assassin/Murderer/Criminal AU

A is a Demon/ghost/vampire and B is not amused  

Disney AU

Song fic

Letters/postcards

Forced to work together

Foster siblings AU

A and B are soldiers and met at war/training  

A is afraid of something (probably storm) and B calms them down

'5 times when… and 1 when…’

Superheroes AU  

Superpowers AU (different than superheroes)

'So you are my best friend’s date? Shit’

'We had sex before and now we are forced to work together/be around each other’

Soulmates AU Angst

Boss/employee situation

'I accidently found/text wrong number and its you and oh we know each other in real life’

Genderswap AU

Best friends to lovers  

Different Era AU  

A has a obvious crush on B and B is clueless

Co-workers AU

Proposal  

Marriage  

Kids – expecting/adopting

Kids – toddlers problems  

Kids – first date and 'what if he will hurt our daughter?!’

Telling to kids how they met  

Coming out to families  

Space AU  

DRAGONS AU (im sorry)

Kings/Queens AU

Fic that had amazing description but is shitty as hell  

Total multifandom fic with this couple in it

A and B are old and together and looking at their past with nostalgia

6

Here are some Valentine’s day cards! 

Don’t have any pick up lines? Don’t worry fam, i got u 

I’ve wanted to make these since i was like 15 and it fINALLY HAPPENED WOO 

Feel free to use them! Wanna write your own (possibly less terrible) pick up lines?

4

Terrible Pick-Up Lines: Don’t make her use it, Astra, her bite is worse than her bark. (Line: @alittlelesspain <3)

going on a road trip with chris evans would include

(a/n tysm for all the support!! please leave requests in my ask and ill do them! thank you)

-chris deciding it was a perfect weekend to drive from massachusetts all the way to maine

-packing both of your clothes all into one large suitcase

-at the start, you only purchase a few snacks

-but chris insists you need A LOT more snacks

-“baby, that’s not going to last even an eighth of the trip.”

-so you have to go back to the store, and buy 20 more snacks

-dodger being really excited to come along

-you and chris taking turns driving

-chris holding the steering wheel while his other hand holds your hand

-singing in the caR!!

-yelling the lyrics of “party in the USA” at the top of your lungs

-“iTS A PARTY IN THE USA!!!”

-chris thinking it’s the cutest thing in the world

-when you’re napping, chris likes to take his eyes off the road for a few seconds to admire you

-chris whispering “i love you y/n”

-you sleepily mumbling “i love me too.”

-chris having to wake you up from your nap

-“y/n. y/n. doll, wake up.”

-“leave me aloneeeeee.”

-“there’s clam chowder.”

-boosting up from your seat and running into the restaurant

-dodger bouncing out of the car for lunch

-chris putting on his “disguise” which consists of sunglasses and a hat

-telling chris that disguise won’t work

-“chris, people are still going to recognize you in that.”

-“doll, if the disguise worked for steve rogers, it’ll work for me.”

-when the food you ordered arrives, you both devour your food in a few mere bites

-chris sneaking dodger a few bites of his food, despite your efforts trying to keep dodger healthy

-after lunch, you’re back on the road

-sitting in the car in a quiet but comforting silence

-becoming really horny so you start reading chris evans smut

-“what'cha reading there, doll?”

-“ummm. nothing??”

-chris talking about upcoming interviews and how stressed he was

-you gladly listening and offering advice

-pressing a long, tender kiss to each of his knuckles to help him relax

-constantly asking chris if he wants you to drive yet

-him constantly assuring you it’s okay he’s driving

-“chris, you sure??”

-“absolutely doll.”

-“like, are you sure sure?”

-“yes doll, you just sit back, relax, and continue being amazing”

-practicing pick up lines on chris when the signal gets lost for the radio

-“hey, chris. are you a light switch?”

-“no, doll. why?”

-“becAUSE YOU TURN ME ON.”

-chris blushing like a huge dork

-dodger ends up barking because of your terrible pick up line

-chris telling you stories about being on the set of “gifted”

-“so there was this one time where mckenna….”

-those stories eventually lead to the talk about your future together as a couple

-“and we’ll live in a house in rural massachusetts, maybe 2 or more kids,,,”

-“but chris, what if we don’t get married?”

-“oh doll, i’m making sure you’re becoming mrs.evans”

-you blushing like craZy

-falling into another deep sleep

-chris (again) looking at you while you sleep

-him smiling as he touches the engagement ring box through his jeans

Originally posted by hothothotgg

Parallel Universe: Exhibit A

Could you create the world in FtWD VIII? “You would have walked into my bar one summer night,” Elyza whispered as hips moved against her own, wanting to go again. “I would have seen you and fallen in love, but played it overly cool. Invited you back to mine. Fucked you til sun up and sent you on your way.” Please. And thank you for your work.

“Yeah, yeah, I swear I go to class,” she muttered, meandering around the back dock in small, lazy circles as she mumbled into the phone balanced on her shoulder. “I’m not working too many hours. I’m getting it all done, I swear.”

On the other end, a woman fret and tried to make sure the bartender kept up with her studies, all while still on the other side of the world. It made Elyza smile, despite the roll of her eyes to each mundane, motherly question.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Would you be able to an imagine where Alex and the reader were partnered together for a project but they both forgot to do it so they have to pull an all nighter at one of their houses but they're too busy trying to impress each other with cheesy pick up lines so their project ends up a lot more rushed and awful than it could be? Your blog is one of my favourites by the way ❤

Great idea anon! Honestly send me more Alex I need me some more inspiration for my Joy Division nerd ~

969 words, Alex Standall/fem!reader

Your phone vibrated next to you with an incoming call, it was Alex Standall, the boy you had been partnered with for your geography project.

Wait.

Your geography project! 

Rapidly smacking the ‘accept’ button with your thumb you flung your phone up to your ear, and the two of you instantly started shouting about how you were so sorry that you’d forgotten, and how you had to get it done tonight to get it in for tomorrow (the last possible turn in date). 

You gave him your address and got out a few arts and crafts supplies from your ‘artistic’ days of your childhood. You had to make a poster describing something to do with coastlines, something that neither of you had the first clue about. 

You’d just about set up the cardboard and felt pens which had probably dried up in the past eleven years when a knock came from your door, yelling to your parents that it was for you. 

“I’m sorry that you have to have me in your house at ten to ten at night but this has gotta be done.” 

“It’s no problem really, and no shit it’s gotta get done!” 

The pair of you half assed coastal erosion research for the first few minutes, taking short handed notes. 

“Ever realise that erosion kinda rhymes with erection?” you blurt out, already exhausted from all the panicking and rushing around to pull your shit together. Alex snorted and smirked over at you on your bed from your desk chair.

“You give me coastal erections.”

“Colossal erections, babe, you just missed a trick.” it felt weird joking about erections and being a little flirty with someone you hadn’t spoken to, outside of your constant complaints about the lesson in geography. It was quiet for a minute, Alex trying to be serious and carry on his research before bursting out into a fit of laughter. 

“It’s not even that much past ten and I’m already going crazy.” 

“I can’t wait for your craziness peak, then,” everything you said came out tinged with that tone of voice you use when flirting clumsily. 

Time passed again, Alex shouting out facts about colossal erections coastal erosions for you to write down in your most presentable handwriting, complete with pictures.

“Holy fuck, we’ve only just done the first stage? You nearly cried, taking a look at what you’d already done. 

“Hey, we’re being detailed, and we’ve got all night.” 

“Yeah but I don’t wanna go all night.”

“Said no one to anyone, ever.” Alex smirked at you rolling your eyes at yet another discreet innuendo. A few more crude sex jokes later (now how in holy hell have you managed to make a geography project so sexual, Standall?) he moved onto pick up lines, you following his lead, both of you daring each other to get cheesier with them.

“Are you a magician, because when I look at you, everyone else disappears!”

“Ohh, that’s weak, y/l/n - do you have a bandaid? I scraped my knee falling for you.” you made gagging noises, pretending to stick your fingers down your throat. 

“My god, Alex I had no idea the extent of terrible pick up lines.” 

“I’ve got some pretty nasty ones.”

“I bet I can top all of your shitty pick up lines.” 

“Bite me.” he’d scooted off your desk chair and onto the bed where you’d been since you’d started; however the project was on the floor, only two out of god knows how many stages of erosion completed. 

“Hey Standall, does your left eye hurt? ‘Cause you’ve been looking right all day.” he actually laughed at that one exclaiming:

“You’re terrible, y/n,”

“You bet.”

“You’re sixty-five percent water, and I’m thirsty.” You threw your head back and laughed over dramatically. 

“Okay, enough, enough, you’re disgusting.” Alex’s face turned serious, making you do the same. “Ah god, sorry, do you wanna keep going with the project, or?” you trailed off, watching Alex watch your lips move. 

He snapped out of whatever daze he was in, shaking his head lightly. “Sure thing, I’ll get back to the research.” You were a bit upset that you had to actually pull an all nighter doing geography, instead of flirting with the hot new friend you’d just made.

He spun out some more facts to you, going quicker than ever once you both realised it was nearly four am and you needed to sleep at some point. The A3 poster found its home on your bedroom floor yet again to make room for a very tired Alex next to you. It was scruffy and lacked a lot of information, but it was good enough near to done so you both accepted it. 

Flirting with each other seemed a better use of six hours anyway.

You got up and ready with each other that morning, firing even more pick up lines at each other, and even more on the walk to school. You went to part ways in the hall to get to your lockers until you mentioned one pick up line you’d both over looked.

“Y’know what this shirt is made of? Girlfriend material.” 

“I’d like to take more than your word for that one, y/n. Wanna get a coffee or something? I used to be a regular at Monet’s, so I can get us some free stuff.” he mentioned with a wink, not waiting for you to fully respond, only taking your first uttering of the word ‘yes’ as his answer. “Cool, see you tomorrow? It’ll be cool to hang out, sans the homework right?” 

“Right, totally.” he gave a little wave before turning away, making his way to his locker. 

You were exhausted, naturally, but you were pretty sure that you’d just gotten a date from a few cheesy pick up lines.