terrible husband

Doctor au

This was the blessed @mvjoey ’s idea so here goes:


Phichit drummed his manicured nails impatiently against the polished wood of the reception desk, watching the exchange between his friend, Yuuri and his assistant, Viktor.

“How many days have they been working together, again?” Phichit asked, taking a sip of water from the cup Christophe had provided him earlier.

“Six months, two weeks and three days.” Christophe replied, quickly scribbling down some notes into a file, reaching behind him and placing it in the stuffed cabinet.

“And they’re still not banging?” Phichit asked, turning to look at the receptionist.

“Viktor hasn’t told be anything, and he usually tells me everything.” Christophe shrugged, smiling to greet a passing woman. “Good morning Helen! How’s the husband? Still terrible in bed?”

“Still. It’s been fifteen years, can you believe it?” The woman sighed, tucking an auburn lock behind her ear.

“Such a shame, he really is handsome. I might have to steal him from you, teach him a couple things.”

“Can I join?” The woman grinned dubiously, breaking into a laugh. “I’m only joking, don’t worry.”

“Its quite alright. Just go straight through, love, Gracie’s missed you so much, bless her heart.”

“I’ll be seeing you!” The woman called, strutting down the hall.

“Were you seriously going to try steal her husband?” Phichit asked, leaning against the desk.

“Hell no.” Christophe snorted. “The man may be drop dead gorgeous but he’s straighter than the poles I dance on at the weekend.”

“I just don’t get it.” Phichit sighed, turning his attention back to Yuuri and Viktor in the corner of the room. “Their feelings are an obviously mutual, how the hell can they not see it?”

“I honestly have no idea. I’ve never seen Viktor this lovesick in my entire life maybe he’s scared of what might happen if he admits his feelings?” Christophe shrugged, stamping another sheet of paper.

“-Nice braids, Plisetsky!” Called JJ, the psychologist as he sauntered through the hall, followed by an army of small boys in hospital gowns and pyjamas waving action figures about.

“Nice toys JJ, you get them with the happy meal your mommy bought you?” The nurse shot back, the tirade of little girls pulling faces at JJ.

“THESE ARE LIMITED EDITION COLLECTORS ITEMS! HOW DARE YOU!” JJ yelled from across the room, clutching a red ranger doll close to his chest.

“DON’T SHOUT AT YURA! YOU’RE A MEANIE JJ!” One of the little girls shouted, waving a pink wand at JJ.

“YURIS ANGELS ATTAAAACK!” screamed a small brunette girl.

“KNIGHTS OF KING JJ! DEFEND HIS ROYAL AWESOMENESS!” Screeched a little black haired boy, waving a cardboard sword in the air.

“Dear god not ANOTHER turf war…” Phichit groaned, leaning back on the desk.

“Looks like it is.” Christophe sighed, thumbing through a file. “Ear plugs?” He offered, holding up a small box.

“Christophe Giacometti, you are a goddamn saint.” Phichit sighed gratefully, taking the box.

“I know.”

I decided to colour them ╰(*´♡`*)╯♡
Silas finally took Corrin (Toya) on a picnic as promised 

 Watercolour on 200gsm

6

Tom is your Tom problem.

something just like this

for day 24 of @snowbaz-feda!!

length: 488

genre(s): fluff

triggers/warnings: none

simon proposes during a random walk in the park



Baz

Snow sees them first.

He tugs on my sleeve, and I slap his hand away. (The suit is new, and I don’t need him getting it dirty.) He tugs again, more insistently this time, and I finally give him my full attention.

I look up, and there’s an old couple standing next to a tree, snogging furiously. Simon sniggers and I flush. “Why are you watching them?” I hiss, “you’re being a bloody pervert!”

“Do you reckon they’ve been together a while?” he asks, sounding wistful.

I angle my body away from the couple and snort. “Why are you so obsessed with them? Do you think that’s going to be us someday?”

Simon

I bend down, and wait for Baz to turn around. The box is still back at the flat–I hadn’t planned to do this tonight–but I think the whole “down on one knee” thing will get the message across.

“Snow, what the fuck are you doing?”

“I want that,” I say, “I want to be your terrible husband.” For a moment Baz looks like he might cry, and then like he wants to attack. Or kiss me. I still haven’t quite figured out the difference between those two. But he’s definitely sneering now, only it seems gentler somehow. Like he’s trying not to giggle at the same time.

“I can’t believe you actually proposed like that,” Baz says, and he sounds exasperated and his voice is shaking and it’s making me nervous.

I shrug, and that seems to do something to Baz because he’s got tears running down his cheeks and he’s looking at me like I’m the sun.

Baz

If my 15-year-old self could see what was happening to me at 25, he’d probably think it was a trick. Some sort of spell to play with his mind, make him see his deepest fantasies. Because truthfully, I wanted this almost as much as the kisses and blood; those were just easier to imagine.

I crouch down in front of Simon, and take his face in my hands. My face is so close to his that he starts to go cross-eyed, like he’s refusing to shut them for even a second. I press my lips to his softly, trying to convey everything I’m feeling in this moment into one kiss.

He kisses me back and it’s so good, just like always. I’m vaguely aware of the fact that the couple from earlier is probably still doing the same thing not too far away, but then Simon does that thing with his chin, and I melt.

He breaks the kiss. “So, is that a yes?”

“Crowley, you really are thick,” I laugh. Snow frowns and shoves my arm. I use his moment of distraction as an opportunity to catch his chin with my finger and kiss him again, trying–and probably failing–to show him how I feel.

“Yes, Simon,” I say, “ Yes, I’ll be your terrible husband.”

4

SHERIARTY ~ Young love gone wrong AU

“I was the shadow that faded in his light; always invisible before him… unwanted… unnoticed. And somewhere along the line, the silent admiration transformed to rage. I loathed what I loved. The realization of my insignificance became the impetus to become his equal - the other side of the same coin. And so.. I became the darkness that devoured all light."  - JM

"I’d never give him the satisfaction of knowing that every string of my violin sung for the boy who lurked in the shadows of the abandoned music hall.” - SH

youtube

I spent way more time on this than necessary?

Why We No Longer Have Trumpets

DM: So you enter the palace, and there are trumpets sounding everywhere, the Prince is revealed-

Rogue: I steal a trumpet.

DM: *ignores and launches into his Prince speech*

Rogue: Can I steal a trumpet while the prince is talking

DM: No- Well, fine, roll for it.

*Rogue rolls a 3*

DM: Everyone notices. The guy you just tried to steal from offers to sell it to you for 150G.

Rogue: I roll intimidation to persuade him?

*rolls a 3*

By this point, everyone is dying of laughter.

NPC: It’d take more than that to get my trumpet! Listen, the Prince gives me a stable enough income, I need the money to give my wife a pres-

Rogue: Wait, if you get a stable income, why do you still have money issues. Why is it my responsibility to pay for your wife’s present.

NPC: Well- uh, m-my son, he-

Rogue: Your son spent all your money?! Dude you’re a terrible father and husband, just give me your trumpet you’re better off working somewhere else like a bank.

Monk: Roll psychological damage, on the NPC’s part.

DM: Just take the fucking trumpet it’s literally in a basket beside you it’s worth 5G can we please finish this the game just started 30min ago.

rmr how snape’s attempt to make harry doubt remus by giving remus the wolfsbane potion in front of him completely backfires bc harry james ‘im ready to fight any one at any time on behalf of my friends’ potter is just like ‘CLEARLY HES TRYING TO POISON YOU”

and rmr how snape continues to push and push until hermione figures out remus is a werewolf but hes been so kind and such a good teacher that she purposefully keeps it to herself

also the bit where Chirrut cowers and shields his head right after Baze ‘nearly shoots him’?

i will bet money Chirrut is not actually afraid here and knows exactly 1) who fired those shots and 2) that there was no chance in the UNIVERSE Baze was going to hit him.

i will bet additional money that Chirrut has done the exaggerated cower thing dozens of times in the past and every time Baze has laughed himself stupid.

xphxntrxshx  asked:

There's a father daughter dance but Hal couldn't go, so FP dances with Betty instead.

That’s great!
***

Betty giggled as the two Jones boys physically shoved each other over the last piece of her famous Blueberry pie, rolling her eyes she picked up her dishrag and made her way over to F.Ps tiny sink. His trailer was just big enough for the three of them to enjoy a home cooked meal comfortably, she had heard talks of F.P buying Jughead a dog the thought making her smile, it might be cramped but she couldn’t wait to see her boyfriends face.

“I swear you two are nuts, you both just ate a whole pie! After devouring an entire chicken dinner. Bottomless pits the both of you.” She called from the kitchen teasingly. She loved this, loved being here, cooking for her boyfriend and his father, joking around and laughing, she was comfortable and safe all of the work that went into it, seeing their happy faces? It was worth it.

“We’re growing boys.” F.P wiggled his eyebrows, taking the dirty dish from her hands and cleaning it in the sink himself. Betty was always cleaning something, his son had claimed it was her way of coping, controlling a situation, who was he to argue? His trailer was almost Always spotless when she visited and their were leftovers for days when she left. His son couldn’t have chosen better if he tried, the girl was all heart, so much love in her he was surprised she didn’t explode.

He glanced behind him to see his son wrap his long arms around the tiny blondes waist, nuzzling her neck with a smile as she leaned into his chest. That was another thing, his son was so happy. F.P couldn’t remember a time when his son had smiled so much, Betty brought out the lightness in his sons eyes and for that he would be forever grateful.

“Betty and me were thinking of heading to Pops for dinner tomorrow, were going to invite Bets mom, Alice has been meaning to call you about fixing the broken doorframe downstairs. Wanna join us?” Jughead asked lazily, toying with a loose curl on Betty’s neck, smiling adoringly at his girlfriend.

“Sure sounds good. What time? I’ve got work at the construction site until 4.” F.p asked, leaning against the counter.

Betty smiled her most heartbreakingly beautiful smile “after 6 o clock, I have to go finish setting up for the father daughter dance at Riverdale, I’m not staying long, there’s not really a reason.. ya know… because…” she trailed off, her eyes looking down as Jughead squeezed her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

Hal Cooper had abandoned his family. He left his daughter almost as fast as Jugheads mother had left him, it had been so sudden that the pain was still so fresh to Betty, thinking about it made her heart ache.

F.P hated that bastard, sure his wife had left him but he had deserved it, he was a terrible husband. Alice on the other hand? She did everything Hal asked no matter how much it hurt her, and to cut off contact with Betty? Atleast Jughead still spoke to his mother, Hal had stopped answering his youngest daughters calls and if he saw her around he would purposely go the other way. It made F.P sick to his stomach, sure he wasn’t father of the year but he would never ignore his son, especially considering how wonderful Betty was.

“Anyway” he looked up as Betty cleared her throat, I should be out of there by around 545. I just have to go home and change, juggie offered to pick me up from the dance.“ She looked up at her boyfriend with a sad smile

“I told her I’d go with her to the dance, but she said that wasn’t appropriate” he grumbled, rolling his eyes and pressing her closer to his chest.

She laughed “its a father daughter dance, thanks for being sweet though… daddy.” She whispered the last word quietly, only for Jugheads ears as he blushed bright red, that was a story for another time.

“Okay!"Jughead clapped his hands "I’ve gotta drop Betty off at home, it’s getting late, I’ll be back in a few.” He called to his dad, grabbing his dads pickup keys and heading out the door, gently tugging on her arm, eager to be away from his father and alone.. in the back of said pick up truck.

Betty giggled again, the soft melodic whistle, ringing through the tiny trailer
“I’ll see you tommorow F.P , remember! Careful with the sodium, it’s not good for you!”
She called as she was whisked out the door.


Rolling his eyes and smiling, F.P jones knew exactly what he had to do, thankgod for Bud Radleys spare suit hanging in his closet.

The next day passed quickly as he joked around with Fred and sweat his ass off, finally it was later in the day and he was showered and dressed in his suit, standing outside the Riverdale High auditorium. He smiled, remembering Jugheads proud and shocked expression as he left the house half an hour ago.
“Where are you going dressed like that” his son had asked.

“I’ve got a hot date with your girlfriend, something about a father daughter dance?” He smirked grabbing his keys off the table.

Jughead had just stared at him for what felt like hours before the biggest smile he had ever seen crossed the young boys face

“I uhh.. yeah.. you don’t wanna keep her waiting” jughead cleared his throat.

F.p winked at his son and headed out the door.

“Well here goes nothing.” He mumbled pushing open the auditorium doors and spotting his target instantly. Betty was standing alone by the drinks, swaying slowly to the music as fathers held there daughters. It was enough to make F.Ps old, broken heart break even further.

Slipping up behind her, he tapped her shoulder

“Can I have this dance mam?”

Betty swung around in surprise, her eyes filling with tears as she beamed at F.P

“What are you doing here?” She asked excitedly, taking his hand and tugging him on the dance floor.

F.P snorted at her enthusiasm and gently held his sons girlfriend by the waist.

“You’re like a second daughter to me Bets. You didn’t think I’d let you come to this on your own did you? It’s a win win for me, I get to dance with the prettiest girl in the room and.. I don’t think I’ll ever get to have this with Jelly bean, as much as that hurts I’m glad I get to experience It.”

Betty smiled sadly as she rested her head in his shoulder
“We’ve all lost something in this town. It’s about fixing what we’ve lost, finding happiness somewhere else.” She whispered.

F.P nodded as the tiny blonde swayed against him.

After about six fast dances and one more slow, the unlikely pair were exhausted and happy. It had been fun spending alone time with the other, they both had the same sense of humor and they both loved a certain beanie wearing boy very much, looking at her watch Betty’s eyes widened

“Come on! We’ve got to go, my mom and Jughead are waiting at pops!”

Thirty minutes later, walking into pops and spotting Alice chugging a milkshake as Jughead urged her on, the two looked at each other and laughed, they had lost so much but maybe they had gained a little more than they had expected.

youtube

@57fandom59 Although this video was posted a long time ago, it none the less proves why the “Goku is a Terrible father/husband” argument is, in my opinion, bullshit. Yes, I will agree Goku is not the best father, but he is in no way the worst.  

4

“The teacup’s broken. It’s never going to gather itself back together again.”

“Not even in your mind?” 

anonymous asked:

if you're still doing 5 things, how about top 5 most brutal things yuuri katsuki has ever said while hangry?

(i was hoping to put the last 25+ of these into three separate posts, but due to Real Life Things, i’ve only been able to finish three, so until i can finish the rest i’ll be making separate posts.  as of right now, please do not send any more 5 things asks!)

  1. During one brutal practice where Yuuri struggles to land a quad salchow-triple toe combination, Victor won’t let them break for lunch until he can complete the routine without falling.  After his third fall, Yuuri complains that Victor is going to go bald before they break for lunch.  Yuuri sleeps on the couch that night.
  2. Celestino has tied his hair back ever since Yuuri told him to focus more on correcting his form than his bad perm.  
  3. Once, when delirious on a juice cleanse, Yuuri told Phichit that he thought that The King and The Skater was a terrible movie.  (He later apologized, even if he had meant it.  Phichit is more important to him than that.  “You know how I get when I’m hungry,” Yuuri had cried after Phichit bought him a post-cleanse pizza.  “I was wrong.  I never wanted to hurt you, Phichit.”)
  4. “I’m divorcing you,” Yuuri says, because he’s seven months pregnant and his entire everything hurts and all he wants are some goddamn peaches, and yeah it’s three in the morning, but there’s a store open 24/7 right down the road that has peaches, and Victor, please get me some peaches, i’m so hungry.  “I’m taking Makkachin back to Hasetsu with me and we are raising this baby without you and his name will be Victor Nikiforov Is A Terrible Husband Katsuki, and he’ll have to deal with that well into his adult life, all because you wouldn’t go get me my fucking peaches.” (Victor goes and gets him the peaches).  
  5. On their fifth wedding anniversary they have dinner reservations at The French Laundry, and Yuuri is so fucking excited and also starving, but Victor wants to get freaky in their hotel room before the go eat, because he has yet to work up an appetite.  Yuuri tries to get into it, but he’s totally thinking of the prefix menu he saw online and moans “veal tongue” instead of “Victor” while Victor is eating his ass out, and anyways, it’s a rough dinner, but it all works out.