terrible hosts

anonymous asked:

46.8% for the poll vote. Trophy husband alec? im just tired of Magnus always being the one waiting at home for Alec to return

It was 6pm, and Magnus was running late. He was supposed to be hosting a party tonight. Well. He and Alec were supposed to be hosting. It was Luke’s birthday, so Clary had suggested they do something nice both for him and the entire group in general. They were all suffering. They’d lost so many fighting Valentine… they all needed this. It was no small party - likely to be just as busy as Max’s Rune Ceremony, if more rowdy. Downworlders weren’t nearly as rigid as Shadowhunters.

But Magnus was currently doing a terrible job of hosting, because he wasn’t there.

He’d had appointments scheduled until 4, and the plan had been to get back to his apartment and take care of the arrangements. He’d spent the morning brewing a particularly complicated potion, so all he needed to do was finish up his consultations, drop the order off and get home. But his consult had overrun by at least half an hour, and then when he went to drop off the potion there had been an emergency which demanded his attention. And then there had been another emergency.

Magnus had barely even had time to breathe, and he certainly hadn’t had time to text Alec.

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Jim, stabbed, sitting in the Captain’s chair as everything goes to hell: captain’s log I can’t believe it, Spock’s parents didn’t even get to see the MINTS i left on their PILLOWS… I’m a TERRIBLe HOST… i finally meet his parents and someone gets MURDERED… this is a homophobic inconvenience…

I hope comedy seth the family guy man doesn’t think we’ve all forgotten what a terrible job he did hosting the oscars in 2013. that shit hasn’t blown over comedy seth. I’m still thinking about it and I’m still mad at you. 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt personally victimized by Tamaki Suoh.
—  Newspaper Club President Akira Komatsuzawa
Broadway Musical

Broadway Musical by Griftings
Rating: M (light)
Word Count: 12,400
Summary: This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. 
The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. 
Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general. 


Ah, they don’t write fics like this anymore! Here we have the Heavenly Host actively meddling with human lives and gloriously bickering among themselves. The author’s summary describes the main story pretty well, so, the only thing I could add is - this fic is jawbreakingly hilarious! Starting with clueless relationship advice from all my favorite angels, to Jimmy’s deadpan comments, to Cas’ earnest attempts to ensure “fornification” between Jo and Dean, every sentence here is a crackfic gold. Enjoy!

Only 4 episodes in...

And Ridonculous Race has blown the past few seasons of Total Drama completely out of the water.

Two big things I find to be a MASSIVE improvement:

  1. NO CHRIS! Chris was a terrible host, always mugging for the camera, being a monumental prick with no karma, and outright cheating and twisting the game if it didn’t go either the way he wanted or if just fucking felt like being a dick. Don’s so far run a tight game. He clearly states the rules of every challenge and keeps people from cheating or taking short-cuts. He hasn’t disqualified anyone yet, but he does induce a penalty against them (20:00 minutes) that gives the people behind them a chance to catch up. No bullshit, no grand-standing, he does his job well and he does it seriously, with no playing favorites or being a dick to the contestants for no reason.
  2. The Eliminations. So far every elimination has been fair and painless. Every contestant is allowed to leave under their own power and not forced into some motherfucking cannon or toilet (FUCK WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THOSE). The eliminated parties are allowed to go home and they reflect on how they played the game. So far none have been angry, but instead proud of how well they’ve done or poking fun at themselves. Everyone has been able to keep their dignity. That is something Total Drama NEVER does anymore. Every elimination is a hurtful joke to every character’s fans. They try to make it as painful as possible, liking ripping off a band-aid and then pouring vodka over it. And if it isn’t the exit itself they fuck you over with, it’s where they end up in ‘bonus clips’. Here’s your bonus! *flips the bird* So far, Ridiculous Race treats the competitors with respect and even if characters I LIKE leave, it REALLY softens the blow to know they’re fine with it. Again, not like Total Drama who’ll twist the knife as much as possible for every character so that you honestly DREAD every fucking elimination.

  @kaikazecchi replied to your post: .

MAKE THEM LOST THEIR WAY THE FIRST DAY YOU SHOWING THEM AROUND, IF THEY CAN’T FIND THE WAY HOME, YOU MANAGED TO GET RID OF THEM FOR THE WHOLE WEEK, IF THEY DO THEN IT MEANS THEY CAN SURVIVE GOING AROUND SINGAPORE BY THEMSELVES WITHOUT YOUR GUIDANCE. ALSO AAYYY GOOD LUCK MIKOCCHI WITH THE APPLICATIONNNNN YOU CAN DO IT! //THROWS SPARKLING ENERGY AT CHU

COCO YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HOST AGFSJGHSNGJ. will you do that to me if i ever come over to visit you in Malaysia. And nooo, I’m supposed to show them around and make them change their minds that “Singapore has nothing to see”.

I NEED TO WRITE ESSAYS TO SEND IN THE APPLICATION AHFISGHSKHHDK LET ME DIE *receives and revives under the sparkling energy tho*

officialarcanines replied to your post “there’s no such thing as a legitimately good corporation, especially…”

pornhub is still a terrible host of amateur pornography and treats representation very badly, but just because they did a couple of insignificantly ‘nice’ things that don’t really impact anything on a larger scale, tumblr seems to be piling on to them and revering them like a capitalist god

exactly, it’s a shame so many people haven’t made the jump from “this bad company is doing good things” to “this bad company is doing good things to make itself look better, but the fact their ‘acts of kindness’ don’t address any of the issues of their business just proves that it’s a distraction”

but, i mean, it’s tumblr. on a site comprised of teenagers and young adults who were brought up in a society where corporate benevolence is seen as a ‘good thing’ regardless of the circumstances it’s not surprising that any corporation that isn’t actively poisoning someone’s water supply or advocating for the murder of indigenous peoples will be given ‘good corporation status’ just for plowing snow covered roads

they even had giant pornhub banners on the plow trucks… if they had even the slightest good intentions they wouldn’t have used it as an advertising opportunity

3

If I were still your king, I would force every one of you to join this man’s army, not because I was a tyrant and a terrible leader who hosted baby fights, which I now realize is weird and not that entertaining, even after the addition of the cobra, but because true love is rare and worth fighting for. It is life’s greatest purpose.