tenured professors

listen, if I have to read a review, written by a tenured professor, of an academic book with the phrase “youth activism” in the title, wherein said reviewer’s central complaint is “oh no, we’re back to the young people” (note: this is not a paraphrase), then buddy, you have to listen to my rants about ageism in academia.

Leverage College AU

So I don’t really like high school AU’s that much, and I don’t think a Leverage one would really work. Like at least with these guys, just high school isn’t enough to truly give them a chance to become masters in their fields—they need to mature a bit.

Not to mention high school au vs college au there’d be so many more cons to do. These wouldn’t be children taking on adults, without almost any training or experience. It’d be adults vs adults, albeit adults in training, kinda. Part of the possible corruption in colleges are just how big they are. Sure, you can have a high school with maybe 5,000 students, but that’d be a small-midsized college. There are so many things to go wrong, just in their own college. Administrative issues, club issues (who has more funding, clubs trying to get approved but they keep getting blocked by someone on the administration for a bs reason), tenure—most professors are older white men, how could there not be issues—biased teachers, bribed teachers who give certain student A’s, exclusive clubs, hell cheating, test score fraud (not just SAT’s, there’s the tests you need to take for post-grad education), scholarship competition. Hell, some asshole professors make it so there’s a pre-set number of A’s in the class—do you know the kind of sabotage that could happen?

Hell, we were given an episode about an exclusive fraternity abusing a psych experiment, along with the episode about safety standards and cheerleaders. Shit happens at college.

And if they’re in a city like Philadelphia or New York City, there could be dozens of universities around. There’s not going to be a lack of people needing help.

Parker originally wasn’t supposed to be there, but the track coach once timed her running and well. They promised her lots and lots of chocolate if she actually went to school enough to be on the track team, so she got a scholarship for college. She doesn’t really care that much, but she likes math and the calculations she learns help her plan heists. The amount of times the Physics department professors have had a discussion w Parker about ‘theoretical’ issues that she brings up and. Well. It’s Parker. She also has a minor in Political Science bc she thinks it’s interesting (Listen. Remember how in the Hockey episode she knew about Schilling’s Theory of Rational Deterrence during the Cold War. I don’t make the rules Parker does.)

Also, by being on the track team she gets to travel around a lot, and it’s a readymade alibi as for why she’s in that area. She doesn’t always plan heists around the places she visits, and she goes plenty of times by herself, but it’s pretty good cover.

Since she has a scholarship, they pay for her meal plan and her housing, along w books. No, she never actually uses that room bc hello, waaaaaaaay too obvious, but that’s the point. If everyone expects her to be one place, that would be the first place they’d look for her, give her some time to get away—classic misdirection.

She has like 3 other apartments and like 4 warehouses that no one knows about that she rotates through, both sleeping AND keeping loot. But she takes the free meal plan, she doesn’t have to actually pay for them so more money for her. Not to mention some of the books have good ideas. I’m not saying she gets all A’s in her classes, but she passes.

And really, who’d think a college student is a world-renowned thief? ‘Academic’ is not exactly synonymous with that kind of crime, especially a pretty, 21 year old blonde Physics major.

She’s also a (sporadic) part of the outdoors club. What can she say—they have some pretty good climbing gear, and sometimes it can be hard to constantly get rid of gear. Just a few things—the high tech stuff she gets herself, but the basic things that aren’t easily traced to her? Yeah, it’s convenient. Plus if she’s ever caught, asking why do you have climbing gear becomes a whole lot easier to answer. Also good practice.

Nate is an Art History undergrad, Philosophy grad student who’s the team’s TA. He and Maggie were high school sweethearts, got married their junior year, Maggie had their son a few months after graduation. Nate’s now a grad student. He worked for IYS two years after graduation, interned for them every year during summers in between school and was well on his way to being their star investigator when his 3 year old son died, and they wouldn’t pay for his treatment.

He and Maggie later got divorced, and he’s back at school. They give him a stipend for school, and he doesn’t have to pay for tuition. And well. A constantly drunk Philosophy student is almost expected—he doesn’t really get in trouble with his job.

Aaaaand Hardison. Now, Hardison’s a bit more unexpected. You’d think he’d be Computer Science, but Hardison would run rings around any comp sci professor he’d have—he was only 21, tops, when the series started. Like there is not really that much of a difference between Hardison in the first season and this one in regards to computer ability. He’s a sophomore, and about 19-20.

But this is Hardison. Hardison, who isn’t just a wiz with computers—anything he touches, he can do. “I’ve hacked history” he (correctly) proclaims after figuring out a way to duplicate a 17th century journal in just 24 hours. And then there’s the time Sophie was explaining the history of a piece of art when Nate interjects, saying they already knew all of that, when Hardison interrupts, saying he doesn’t know that much before the 1980’s. Hardison’s a damn sponge when it comes to learning. The dude literally became a lawyer in one day.

So, he’s not going to be a computer science major. He wouldn’t actually learn anything from that, there’s literally 0 point. He has so many minors–an art and design minor, a music minor, and a chem minor. He’s also part of band (hello, Hardison the violin prodigy). So, he’s a mechanical engineering major—a computer, he can buy himself, but a bunch of the gadgets and gizmos he can’t get himself—or at least not easily—he can get for free at the university. Not to mention access to state of the art labs.

He mostly does it at first for his Nana, and then he finds out he genuinely loves learning. And he has a scholarship, and the cafeteria has orange soda, so everything’s all good.

And remember how excited Hardison got in the cooking episode, when he got to fire a laser? Yeah, he gets excited for all the gadgets he has access to.

But he still isn’t on the straight and narrow at all. He’s a hacker, first and foremost.

And Eliot. Oh Eliot. He’s a bit older, maybe enlisted at 17 (he kinda sorta lied), and now 22 and going to college on the GI Bill (I think that’s right). Eliot is almost more of a Jack-of-all-trades than Hardison, and it’s much more unexpected. Like in the episode they made a guy think aliens are real, he had a discussion with Hardison up Fermi’s paradox in regards to other life forms, and Eliot brings up Drake’s equation saying that with a hundred billion stars in our galaxy there’s up to 10,000 technological civilizations “you never know when you have to fight an alien.” Eliot is smart, both street smarts AND book smart and just knows a bunch about every topic. So, he double majors in Liberal Arts and minors in kinesthesiology. After going through his first semester and joining the cooking club, he also adds Culinary Science to his major.

Eliot isn’t a D1 or D3 athlete, but he does a lot of intramural and club sports. From judo to archery to badminton to table tennis, he does it all.

As for Sophie, she’s a Psych grad student, Art History/Linguistics undergrad. Yes, you’d think she’d be a Theater major, but that’s way too obvious. A grifter, who’s a Drama major? Too obvious. Yeah, the reason why Sophie never gets caught is because she never gets audition—she’s a horrible actress when people are looking. You don’t really think “great liar.” I do think she genuinely tries, but it’s also another misdirection.

So much of what Sophie does is an understanding of people, how they tick, their behavior, why they do what they do. She went to a different university for undergrad, and she’s mid 20’s—and ofc, both undergrad and grad school are using an alias. But what Sophie does is mostly enacting her interpretation of human nature. God, Sophie could come up with another approach to psychology with how much she knows, could go down in the textbooks if she wanted.

As for what she’s been doing in between, well, she has a very good cover story for that. But she needs to lie low for a little bit, and fleshing out more of an alias can always help. She developed that Charlotte Prentice alias for 7 years, it’s not out of the realm of possibility she’d do this, especially if she needs to lay low. It’s her first year at this school, and she’s not really that invested but like Parker, it can be a good cover.

She’s met Nate before, same as in the series—he’s chased after her. Although, now that he’s not working at IYS, he doesn’t really care—it’s a big school, they don’t really interact.

And just because they’re now at a university doesn’t mean the first episode would go any differently, at least at first. Or, maybe there’s a faraway professor, named Victor Dubenich, who yes, assembles the team, but doesn’t actually realize Hardison, Eliot, and Parker go to the same university as Nate—he’s much more public than the others. And maybe they don’t realize they all go to the same college, at first. Like they realize that they all live near each other, but the same college?

Because one of the advantages to being that young is that sure, you have fewer contacts and fewer scores and assets but you also have less of a record, less of a trail, fewer chances for people to find out the details of who you are.

But yes, things can get competitive in academia, especially when those plans could be sold for millions of dollars. Except, it turns out it wasn’t even from another professor. It was from a (sleep deprived) grad student.

They still take him down, and makes a seriously ridiculous amount of money. And they all enjoy it more than they thought, like what they’re doing. They start to go their own ways—except not really.

And then they walk into their Intro to Philosophy class, the one that the school requires every major to take, even Sophie, and guess who’s the TA but Nate Ford?

Okay, but where did all of the adults go? Seriously? Where did this bunch of vapid manchildren throwing Hitler salutes and assaulting people in the street come from? The President-Elect of the United States is pitching daily racist twitter meltdowns. Tenured professors are calling their gay students “faggots.” Where did all of the adults go? Were there ever any adults? Did we all just mistake them for reasonable authority figures because they were bigger than us?

Hard Day

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 502

Warnings: None

AN: This one is a little on the short side because @grace-for-sale sent this amazing gif and let me have free liberty with it. It’s a little longer than a drabble but not quite a one-shot. Hope this is okay!

Today had been a long day and you were ready to go home and get into your tub with lots of bubbles and a lot of wine. You were a tenured professor at the local university, your chosen field of study being folklore and mythology.

You loved a lot of things about your job, but some days your students made the subject matter unbearable. Some figure instead of reading the coursework that you have provided they can watch a movie, therefore confusing Dracula with Edward Cullen. This was one of those days.

Finally making it to your apartment you breathed out a sigh of relief. Once you unlocked your door and stepped inside, you set your keys and purse on the little table beside your door, kicked off your shoes, making a beeline for the kitchen to grab the biggest bottle of wine you had. Walking by your living room you saw something strange out of the corner of your eye, taking three steps back you saw your boyfriend sitting in your reading chair, duffle bag beside of it. He gave you a small smile and lifted his fingers in a little wave.

You had not been expecting him to come around for at least another couple of weeks based off of your conversation yesterday but you definitely weren’t complaining. With a wide smile you ran to him and jumped in his lap, straddling him with a giggle and holding him tightly causing him to laugh at your enthusiasm.

“What are you doing here?” You mumbled into his neck, unable to keep the smile off of your face. Taking a deep breath you were instantly calmed by the smell of leather, whiskey, and Irish Spring soap.

He wrapped his arms around you just as tightly as you were doing to him, burying his face into your hair.

“Wanted to surprise you, did it work?”

“Yes! You couldn’t have come at a better day.”

Dean tangled his fingers into your hair to gently force your head away from his neck so he could look at your face.

“Want to tell me about it? We’ll get in the tub with those stupid bath bubbles that make me sneeze…”

‘You read my mind.” You leaned in and gave him a deep and passionate kiss. You didn’t realize exactly how much you ever missed him until your lips finally met again after time apart. He tried to drop by several times a month and you would use your breaks at school to visit him at the bunker. It wasn’t a traditional life, but you loved it because it was yours and you couldn’t imagine a life without him in it.

“Go start the bath, I’ll get the wine.”


If you’ve been tagged when you did not want to be tagged in this, I apologize in advance and just send me a message and I won’t add you anymore! If you would like to be tagged in future fics, please send me an ask. Thank you so much for reading!

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i downloaded the photoshop demo to try and Make Gifs™ and i am filled with new respect for y’all who do this more consistently, it’s hard what the hell

ummm anyways i also watched legend of the wolf, which was not great, but donnie sure was in it, anyways donnie is my new fancast for an indiana jones reboot. he’s old enough that in america he could feasibly be a tenured professor now so hollywood get on it

hi my name is mary jo dark'ness phd mid0nz jones and I have a phd on my wall (that’s how I got myname) from devry university with a dissertation that was 500 pages long and students that worship the ground i walk on and a lot of people tell me i look like immanuel kant (an: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). i’m not related to arwel wyn jones but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. i’m a professor and i’m straight and cis. i have multiple degrees. i also know what ‘cui bono’ means and i teach at a magic school called trump university where i’m a tenured professor. i’m an intellectual (in case you couldn’t tell) and i wear mostly black. i love wikipedia and i get all my citations from there. for example today i was dragging someone and i used articles on doxxing and anti-intellectualism and facism. i was using dictionary dot com, the oxford english dictionary, and meriam webster. i was blogging about it on tumblr. there was a lot of wank, which i was very happy about. a lot of jlockers stared at me. i put up my middle finger at them.

Small Liberal Arts School Gothic
  • Is that a frat party or a funeral pyre you see in the distance? You wouldn’t wonder except… there was that one time.
  • Watch out for a capella groups… they’re everywhere, and they seem to be multiplying. Were there so many last week? Did they have so many harmonies? Those haunting, otherworldly harmonies…
  • The frat chapters aren’t national. They aren’t really local either. They seem to be multi-dimensional mostly. The parties they throw are dark rituals, and the pledge class gets smaller after each one. Maybe they just can’t stand the pressure? That’s probably it.
  • You and this girl have had classes together every semester since freshman year. Your friends have all had classes with her every semester since freshman year. You don’t know her name. She couldn’t have been in all those classes at the same time, could she?
  • Your department has more visiting professors than tenured faculty. Their visits seem to get shorter and shorter. You knew one professor who made it for three years before their “contract was terminated.” The last professor didn’t make it an entire semester. “Terminated” the head of the department said in answer to their absence. “Terminated” was all she would say, growing steadily softer.
  • Ultimate Frisbee is the most “liberal arts” sport. Quidditch is the most “liberal arts” sport. The teams have been silently feuding over this point for years. It seems to be getting more violent. You are worried the war is coming soon. Soon you too will have to pick a side.
  • The College President’s house in on campus, and a dark cloud seems to hang around it at all times. Even on bright spring days, there are deep shadows surrounding the president’s house. He is rarely seen. When he comes out of his dark abode to give speeches, something seems off about his smile, and you’re sure you see something moving under his skin. Look away quickly. Tell no one.
  • Diversity is very important to your institution. Diversity is the buzzword you hear every day. Diversity is the chant that can be heard from the Admissions Office basement if you pass by the building in the spring. You almost wish things would be a little less diverse. The fish-people in your 8am are so uncomfortably damp.
  • The population seems to be unusually white. In fact, you’re pretty sure it’s gotten more white over your time at the school. You were sure there were several clubs dedicated to the experiences of students of color just last year, but even they are white now. In fact, you seem to have gotten more pale, more white as you’ve continued your education.
  • The student wellness center doesn’t seem to be very helpful. The nurses have dead eyes and seem to run far more blood tests than you think you need. “More blood” they whisper, grabbing another syringe. You wonder if you should run.
  • “I pulled three all-nighters this week” you overhear in the dining hall. This makes you want to laugh and cry at once. Thinking back, you can’t remember the last time you slept. It’s just finals, you tell yourself. It’s February.

My professor… is salty that my friend and I don’t agree with his justifications for his gross opinions and has proceeded to email the class an article he wrote that was published about the topic… to somehow convince us that he is right? um sweaty,, we already don’t agree with you and reading you pretentious ass article and calling people ignorant for not agreeing with it is not going to help your case?? 😪 honestly how are you a tenured professor if you literally can’t have an unbiased debate a topic without invalidating the opinions of an entire group of people?

Era Of Fake News Makes It Impossible To Truly Know If Class Is Cancelled

COMMONWEALTH AVE- Studies report that due to the era of fake news that has recently emerged, it is hard to trust any sources that report the cancellation of classes.

An email on Wednesday night from Boston University reported that classes would be cancelled the following day due to extreme weather conditions. 

“Yeah, I saw that email,” said Casey Flack (CAS ’18). “But, I mean, can we really be sure about something that is clearly bias? How do we know they are giving the full story?”

While speculation as to whether the private university would close its doors due to intense weather was popular on Wednesday, no one in the school felt certain that class is definitely cancelled.

“I’m just saying, if Kellyanne Conway made up a massacre, how can we actually know that it’s snowing outside?” said John Thompson, tenured professor in the political science.

At press time, skeptics were sitting in CAS classrooms, ready to have class.

“I’m working on my second doctorate and doing clinical research in HIV. I’ve always wanted to be a tenure track professor, but I’ve been questioning that lately. I imagined that one day I’d get to a place where I can do the research that I want to do. But I’m seeing now that it’s more about doing the research that will get funded. I’m noticing a lot of disenchantment among my senior mentors. They don’t get to be as innovative as they’d like. Their primary task seems to be sustaining the institution. It’s not about doing the research that they think will make the most impact. It’s about going for the most likely money. It’s publish or perish. Fund or get fired. And education suffers as well. I love to teach, and I’ve always thought that teaching would be a big part of the process. But it’s not emphasized. Because teaching is paid for by tuition. It’s ‘money in, money out.’ But research funding comes from outside the school. It’s new money.”