tentacle pet

An AU where a big and advanced alien species enslaved humanity some centuries ago, and they consider humans as cute, fashionable pets.

Aliens are big and weird, and in a size and social role comparison humans are like a small housecat.

So you’re minding your business in your home, climbing up on the improbably big furniture and prodding at the incomprehensible alien knick-knacks. They use some really unintuitively behaving materials and they bounce when they should crack, or break when they’ve obviously taken harder knocks before.

Sometimes an alien picks you up with half a dozen tentacles, brings you close to its weird, bad-smelling eating and sniffing orifice, and proceeds to rub its face on your chest while you hang in there, while the alien goes “SNOOFMURFMURFSNUFMOOF” on you. Because it loves you, that’s why. Then it carries you to a different room while lovingly caressing you behind an ear with a slightly damp, cool tentacle, and plops you down in a seemingly random spot.

Occasionally, you spot someone else peering at you from around a corner or behind a bit of furniture, and you run over to see who it is, but they vanish - only to appear a little way off elsewhere. This only ever happens when the alien is in the room, watching you, and while it’s holding a strange-looking rod. That’s right - you’re pretty much chasing a laser pointer.

There’s this huge bowl in one room, kind of like an oversized punch bowl, and the alien pours some sort of slurry into it every day. It looks like week-old borscht, but the flavor changes by day. Sometimes it tastes like bacon, other times like candy. As soon as you’ve gotten comfortable with it, the alien starts serving you some completely different kind of slurry that tastes like aphids and old socks, and makes this frustrated “BLURBLEPLURPBLORRB”-noise while wiggling its flagella at you when you shun this substandard fare. There’s no way to make it clear that the place the alien got your food stopped carrying it and now the alien is trying very hard to get something as similar as it can find so you’ll be happy, but how’s it supposed to know how it tastes to you?

But when all is said and done, the alien does care about you. You get some weird-looking but fun toys to play with, you have a nice, soft and enormous pillow to lounge on, and the alien apparently enjoys listening to you talk at it while it gives you gentle tentacle-pets. And you can usually sleep curled up next to its big and soft midsection when the house is dark for the next 27 hours.