For your delectation, a brief snip to prove I’m writing the thing. Dammit. I BLAME ALL OF YOU.
Eyes narrow, Chuck glared across the freakishly neat desk at
the man he’d called Elvis since at least his teens. “You’re not
Eyes dancing but expression all-professional, Tendo
shrugged. “It’s your best option. We have a narrow window to make this move,
and unless you already have a fiancé in the States or can quickly get into a
university with an exchange visa program–”
“Oi, I’ve got three degrees in engineering
“–this is your option. We don’t have time for anything
Fighting the urge to growl and flip the desk, Chuck glared
even harder. “How the fuck is advertising myself as a fucking mail order
spouse not complicated? Is that really even a thing anymore? For fuck’s sake,
we’re trying to stop human
The bowtie-wearing jackass rolled his eyes. “Of course
it’s still a thing. And it’s not human trafficking because it’s voluntary and
set up by the person who wants to go, rather than by a third party selling them off. And it’s a
lot safer than it used to be – at least for the bride.”
“I am not the fucking bride!”
“You know what I mean.” The rotten bastard flapped
a hand as if none of this were important. “I’m just saying that you won’t
get stuck with a psychopath with a record. I’ve linked you to three separate
sites that check out the cleanest and most diligent. Pick someone you don’t
hate and make do with the situation until you’re called in.”
Don’t ask me why, I just wanted to paint something, and instead of working in old linearts, I ended dooling something New. Also, I like the guys together. I imagine Tendo being Besties with Newt and having a good relationship with Hermann… Those red pants belongs to Alison, And Newt totally bought those clothes to Hermann, and he pretends he dislike them, but he totally loves them.
primary colour flashy trio
(I may turn thins into a print because i liked it)
For the four word prompts: Don't be fucking rude (if you haven't gotten that already)
“Uh… why are we doing this again?”
“Because my old man thinks I’m withering on the goddamn vine, so I told him we were engaged, and now he wants proof.”
Raleigh blinked, pulling out of the near-choke-hold which hadn’t been very conducive to looking blissfully in love with his cranky but entertaining downstairs neighbor. “Um. No. That’s not okay. Chuck, what the hell?”
“Oi, relax.” As usual, Hansen was completely oblivious to nuance and hooked his arm around Raleigh’s neck again, dragging him close enough for a (bad) selfie. “Not like he’d fly all the way here to check. It’s just to shut him up.”
Luckily, Raleigh wasn’t one to be easily physically dominated and removed himself from the choke-hold with extreme prejudice. Extreme enough prejudice that Chuck ended up on his ass on the floor, confused and rubbing his shoulder, which had been wrenched damn near out of the socket because he was too stubborn to just fucking stop already.
Raleigh, on the other hand, didn’t have a mark on him and stood over his fallen neighbor with a smirk.
“One of these days, you’ll learn.”
The confusion faded under irritation as the shoulder-rubbing switched to nape-rubbing. “Didn’t know you were so goddamn touchy. Thought we were mates, yeah?”
Rolling his eyes, he resumed his laid-back sprawl on the couch, his head pillowed on one cushy arm and his feet propped up on the opposite one. “It wasn’t the choke-hold that pissed me off. You could avoid faking a boyfriend – a fiance! – by just… ya know… actually dating. Why lie to your dad like that?”
The kid grumbled, scruffing the rubbing hand up through his hair before slumping and looking away. “Not had much luck at dating. Got no patience for bullshit, and first dates are damn near 100% bullshit.”
He couldn’t help but snicker. He probably knew Chuck Hansen better than anyone in the States, but that wasn’t saying much. The kid was standoffish at best and an outright jackass at worst. Yancy couldn’t stand him – though he loved Raleigh’s high-comedy re-tellings of their conversations – and Tendo had avoided him ever since The Infamous Hair Incident that neither of them would talk about.
There may have been blood. There had definitely been a weird smell that took over a week to fade.
But that simple statement about how the kid saw dating was Chuck Hansen right down to the ground. The little – okay, not so little, considering he was the same height as Raleigh and probably had a good ten to twenty pounds more muscle on that broad frame – bastard had no use for anything that smacked of sugar-coating or pandering, and his list of things that did so included politeness, idle chitchat, saying hello to anyone he didn’t know or didn’t like, making any positive observation that wasn’t surprised out of him, or pretty much any human social interaction beyond the occasional grunt if someone accidentally bumped him in the street.
It had taken three weeks to get so much as an eyeroll from the anti-social jerk in the downstairs apartment and another three weeks to get an actual hello. Raleigh still thought he’d only managed that because the kid had clearly been suffering a hangover from hell and it just slipped out.
So yeah. Dating was probably… not happening.
Maybe the kid’s “old man” was right to worry about his son withering on the vine, as it were.
But… fake engagement pictures? He had the worst feeling this would bite them both in the ass so hard that it wouldn’t even be fun. Just humiliating to explain to an ER doctor later.
“What if he wants to meet me?”
Oh, shit. The big jerk looked up with so much burgeoning hope that Raleigh would have fallen off the couch if he wasn’t already lying down. Goddamn adorable piece of goods, for all that he was an absolute shit.
“He won’t. He’ll be too damn happy to have a picture to show everyone to question it too close.”
This was such a bad idea. Yance would never let him live it down. Tendo might disown him.
Rolling his eyes, he gave into the inevitable. The kid had dimples. How was that not cheating??
“Ugh, Jesus, fine. Take the damn picture and leave me alone. If he flies all the way from Australia just to kick my ass for deflow–UGH!”
The asshole jumped on him, full body, driving all the air out of him in a painful grunt, gave him a brutally tight and mercifully quick hug, then rolled to his back and settled his legs between Raleigh’s, his broad back blanketing Raleigh’s chest.
Wheezing, he shoved at the ginger hair tickling his nose, since waving at the spots in his vision as he tried to get his air back would probably be bad form. “Jesus, kid. What the hell are you made of? Osmium? I think my spleen just shot out my nose.”
“Oi, don’t be fucking rude.” Squirming, the heavy bastard apparently achieved perfect comfort and pulled out his cell phone. “You’re pretty and your knowledge of materials of insane density is hot and all, but you’re a dick.”
Absurdly, the words “pretty” and “hot” shut him right the hell up. It was a foregone conclusion that someone as blunt as Chuck had little use for compliments and never bothered with them. That he’d used two… about Raleigh… right next to each other and everything….
“Yeah. Keep looking just like that.”
He could only blink as Chuck flipped the screen and he saw himself looking almost stupid with pleased surprise. And Chuck… well, Chuck looked smug as fuck, but weirdly soft with it, like he was actually pretty damn chuffed to be lying on Raleigh’s chest, posing for a selfie with his supposed fiance.
Damn if it didn’t make for a convincing picture.
Herc – because of course Chuck Fucking Hansen’s father was named after a goddamn mythological hero – never once questioned it. Turned out, he didn’t have to.
Yancy was displeased. For a while. Until Raleigh explained, red-faced and sweating, how it all came about. Then he found the whole situation hilarious.
Tendo didn’t forgive him until he got to make a speech at the wedding. During which he gleefully told the highly-exaggerated story to the entire party.