[Sally and Paul are out of town for Sally’s book tour. Percy, having decided to invite the Seven and a few other friends over, is putting away anything likely to get broken. Jason, who arrived early, is helping.]
Jason(Gingerly examining what appears to be a very ugly ceramic blowfish): Is this what I think it is?
Percy(Glancing over over from the dresser): That? Yeah. You can just put it with the others.
[Percy points to the closet. Giving Percy a strange look, Jason opens the door to discover shelf upon shelf of blowfish in every shape, size, hue and material imaginable. He takes a half step back]
Percy(Joining him): Kinda creepy, right?
Jason(At a loss for words): …why?
Percy(Taking the blowfish from Jason and adding it to the collection): I dunno, it’s just this weird thing Paul’s students do. Every year, his graduating class gives him a blowfish. You know- Blofis, Blowfish. It’s a tradition.
[Jason nods, but seems unable to look away. Percy stands next to him, surveying the blowfish armada]
Percy: …Honestly, I don’t even think he likes them.
[They are mercifully interrupted by Leo, who scrambles into the room, sparing three seconds of bewilderment on the blowfish closet before deciding he has more pressing matters to worry about]
Leo(Yanking Jason around by the shoulder to face him): Jason. Jason, bro, we kissed. She kissed me. Like ten minutes ago. In Percy parents’ bedroom.
Percy(Smacking Leo with a conveniently placed copy of Jane Eyre): Dude! Don’t make out in my parents’ bedroom, that’s disgusting!
Jason(Letting Percy attack Leo with Jane Eyre a few more times before separating them): I’d kind of figured you’d gotten past that already- all the ladies love Leo, right?
Leo(Eyes wide and fidgeting worse than usual): No, dude, shut up, I’m freaked out. I don’t… I don’t think I’m very good.
Jason: Good at-
Leo(Grabbing Jason by the shoulders again): At kissing! And I mean, Calypso’s done a lot more kissing than me over the years- like, even without the immortality thing. And with heroes. Heroes! Like, the legendary kind, with swords and muscles and social skills. The kind that probably knew how to kiss! I don’t want to suck so bad she dumps me! Girls dig you, I’m asking for advice!
Jason(Who has kissed exactly two girls in his life): Look, as far as I can tell, there’s two basic rules- one, don’t bite anything without permission, and two, the human tongue is like wasabi. It’s very powerful and should be used sparingly.
[Leo begins nodding, then freezes, staring at something beyond Jason’s shoulder. Percy, facing the same direction as Leo, gives a snort of laughter he hastily tries to disguise as a cough]
Jason(Closing his eyes): She’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?
Calypso(Mimicking Jason): “The human tongue is like wasabi!”
Jason: I don’t sound like that.
Percy: You kinda do.
Calypso(Sidling around to stand next to Leo, who is trying to sink into the floor): Actually, I think Leo’s tongue is like sunscreen. It’s good for your health and should be applied liberally.
Jason: I REALLY didn’t need to hear that. I really wish I could stop IMAGINING that.
Percy(Gravely): The idea itself is so offensive, that it’s actually illegal to say the words ‘Leo Valdez’s tongue’ on TV.
Jason(Sagely): The penalty for violating that law is ten years in prison.
Percy: Or one Leo Valdez tongue bath.
Leo(Face in his hands): I hate you.
Jason: Everyone chooses prison.
Leo(Glaring through his fingers): I HATE YOU.
[Rolling her eyes, Calypso gently pries Leo’s hands from his face and kisses him. After a moment of hesitation Leo kisses back, putting his hands on her hips]
Percy: Oh gods. Oh, gods, I’m blind! I’m blind!
Jason(Severely): Please stop. You’re upsetting the blowfish.