telling an awful joke

Harry Potter and the Neural Network fan fiction

Or, what happens if you train a neural network on the titles and plot summaries of over 100,000 works of Harry Potter fan fiction.

In the decades since the Harry Potter books were published, fans have written literally hundreds of thousands of Harry Potter stories of their own, and shared them online. Can a neural network join in on the fun?

In a way, everything a recurrent neural network writes is fan fiction. A recurrent neural network looks at an example dataset (such as the complete Sherlock Holmes stories) and teaches itself the patterns and conventions that it sees. So, if it’s given Sherlock Holmes stories, it will become obsessed with Holmes and Watson, and if it’s given knock-knock jokes, it will spend all day telling awful knock-knock jokes of its own.

Thanks to an idea by a couple of readers, some heroic work by @b8horpet in scraping (with permission) hundreds of thousands of Harry Potter fan fiction titles and summaries from AO3, and a flexible new recurrent neural network implementation by Chen Liang, the neural network’s latest obsession is Harry Potter.

The Perfect Party by iamisaac
Draco has been left alone, and Ginny confused must learn and who has his best friend. They were breathed by a love that didn’t become his grounds and the flowers begin.

This is a typical example of the neural network’s fan fiction - romantic pairings of two or more Harry Potter characters (called “ships” in fan fiction-speak). In this case, it even has chosen a plausible author: iamisaac is a real and fairly prolific fan fiction author whose works do tend to be of the “romantic” variety. 

The Garden by perverse_idyll for lexigilite
Ron and Hermione move after a man party. What did her best things go and has to deal with people she loves? How many imperfect love really belonges them and needs to be a person? Or will they learn and more than the war?

Mirror Thing by Queen_Elexhan
“Are you there for a relationship? I was a sad future for your love.”  Harry and Ginny find out the meaning is.

Shatters by Kis [archived by TheHexFiles_archivist ]
Based on the Spot Are It Falls Into A Heir by NextrangeOnTheThree
Draco and Hermione share a whole indescribbening.

Again, “perverse_idyll” and “TheHexFiles_archivist” are fairly active authors. (Hi, if you’re reading! The neural network seems to like your writing, and is writing fan fiction of your fan fiction!) Those familiar with Harry Potter fan fiction will not be surprised to learn that the neural network really likes to generate ships; pretty much every combination of characters is represented (some of the more unusual combinations being “The Snow/Voldemort”, “The Ministry/Draco Malfoy”, and “Voldemort/Random Quidditch Child”).

By turning down the neural network’s creativity setting to near-zero, we arrive at its vision of what the quintessential Harry Potter fan fiction would be like - and we also learn its favorite ship:

Persuading by theladyblack
Harry and Draco are still a second chance at the end of the war.  Will they be able to do with the fairy tale of the first time they were a strange stranger to the street of the war and the war is over?

It turns out the neural network is obsessed with Harry/Draco, although in a pinch, Sirius/Remus will also do.

The neural network also seems to really like stories about Professor Snape trying to do rather ordinary things:

New Moon Boys by Dungoonke for Loki_Kukaka
Severus Snape comes back to a night’s politics.

In the Reason Is Blinders by LittleRoma
Severus has been through his lost remote.

In The Alteri Silence by Forest_of_Holly for roscreens41
Snape receives life after plants to do by work over whether they get into. Just Hell.

A Second Chance by DarkCorgi
Snape had a second thing, and that is better than anything for for the rest of his life.

Mirror by orphan_account
Severus Snape tries to get a lot of dragons and that was to be more than he didn’t expect to continue. He has always been a bit of an old and a baby to stay the way he’d been the brother at Hogwarts and he keeps the chance of meeting…

Deception by FlyingEyes
Snape is a British Robes of interesting things and worrys like a little fun and sees the pretty battle for a while.

Another thing that happened, which is pretty much my favorite thing ever, is that the neural network apparently encountered some fan fiction stories that were not in English. As a result, it learned to do this from time to time:

The Secretary Of the World 
Challenge inspired by GoF and la mating resigns de la mill colors per mereple beruit carteur la pelete el wert rardo completing and herillo intus den una a des rush sentines kelta an transoles… 

Between by Cheyangel13
A series of fivers are unexpectedly depressed and controlled by the bed, with least more from una perfemale erpensa de the maesse akai suidadium dela vida call de la los se terriuus do form en sou dies de fasurard il resisted de for dogs la sementu sein prong colors itu dee adte se sige natard…

The neural network has also learned to employ capital letters:

Les finds love by violet_quill for starstruck1986
Severus Snape wanted him to be more and she likes Draco.  The person he wants an energy to him.  WHALIDE NO GEATIRE SOURR INSPE AHARMANABLISH ALL SOME TO VERY THE RERIDE!!!!!!!

secret Quidditch by snapsleert
Collapse and find the second worst and very different. See Gain and Descent motivate surprising death. Unbusing one of the months: should make more bumo.choooshots. HUGULATED

And the neural network occasionally uses content warnings, although it seems to have a rather fuzzy idea about what to warn its readers about:

Better With The Broom Complicate by Margyn_Black
Tonks gets more than the best girl of creation. (Rated Maturisle, mark, a violence, contract) (slash] part of themes) ferret.

Art for the Sun a Scary by disillusionist9
A collection of warnings: characters and situations of silence.

Some of the neural network’s stories, though, are just plain weird.

Harry Potter and the Painful Eyes by dark_pook
A Birthday drabble about the problems and a woman who shows up a lot less than she checks at Hogwarts in the destiny to the infamous adventure of control of the Art of The Good Boy Kings With Hermione.

Harry and the Blue Special Delicious by apolavia_scg
An unexpected potions messaged in the world their lives are to find friendship following the day of different pagers. James and Lily come to the summer before the war.

The Perfect Cow by alafaye
Severus and Hermione start a horcruxes

Art: Let Draco roll the light of the moon, and means. by Dangelanne
What happens after the war. Not drawn to Draco Malfoy jumpers. Originally written in 2008.

Birds of a Saturday by SasuNarufan13
Harry Potter is drunk and discovers he is an alternate universe.

Holly theody by yesIpxdishoftlyGrinli
What would be dangerous! Side Voldemort Jones does all lord off the sunshine show.

Lily Evans and the Ravenclaw of a Christmas Surprise by ci
Severus angst the truth of a frighten situation for the wink.

Persuasion by Samanthian
The Sorting Hat is fighting in one of the houses.

lily’s family by sharkle
Harry woke up in searching after a werewolf Sherlock’s picnic. He is furious.

As a bonus, I leave you with some fairly-plausible screennames the neural network invented, which appear not to be taken (yet):

desire_at_the_malfoy
SeverelyAshed
fishlingthelovely
thedarklyblue
phantombeers
captainingthetrain
siriusly_harry
DarkVoldember
ChildOfAtSperble
all_frogs
BelladonnaLeek
Sneaking_UnicornWitch
bluemelooppiesweatled

anonymous asked:

You head canons give me LIFE

~*follow me for more soft human transmutation*~

  • *pidge voice* “alright two questions: 1. who put a ‘baby on board’ sticker on my lion because i’m going to kill them, and 2. where did you even get it??? we’re in space”
  • lance: *still holds a grudge on that girl in his 3rd grade class who borrowed his eraser during a test and never gave it back*
    • also lance: *would forgive you for stabbing him, probably*
    • he’s a complex guy
  • shiro’s actually the angriest person on the team, but no one can tell because he keeps the screaming on the inside
  • “keith speak texas for us”
  • allura suggests duels in the airlock to solve team issues. no one can tell whether she’s joking or not
  • coran is in constant awe of how inefficient the human body is. your retina are backwards? you still have five toes? what do you mean half of your species keeps their gametes in hanging sacks-?
  • keith is the ultimate rebel without a cause
    • always ready to fight the power
    • what power???? all of them
    • he’s like one of those little wind up toy cars. you point him in a direction, try to pull him back, and then watch him go lmao
  • *team blows up a galra supply store* hunk: “heh, I guess you could say that business……… is booming” “hunk shut your damn mouth”

LISTEN HARRY PERFORMING THE 10 SONGS FROM HIS ALBUM ON TOUR AND THEN SPENDING AN HOUR TELLING AWFUL JOKES???? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP I’LL PAY $500

me reading fics at 3 am: oh man how the time flies i sure wish i could keep reading but i should probably go to sleep as i have read like. 10 fics tonight!!! ah, who cares, one more chapter!!!

me reading actual information from a textbook at 3 am: this must be the latest i have ever stayed up, i can’t function, i obviously wasn’t built to read anything after midnight, i just keep reading the same sentence over and over with no progress, this is what hell is like

don't fall in love with me.

don’t fall in love with me

i’ll turn you into poetry
and sing out of key

i’ll wake you every morning
to see: coffee-colored eyes
and i’ll sip from you slowly
as i kiss you goodbye

don’t fall in love with me

i’ll map your constellations
and make myself at home

i’ll laugh and get nervous
when i tell awful jokes
so i’ll smile and kiss you
on the tip of your nose

don’t fall in love with me
don’t get too close

one day, you’ll need me
until one day, you won’t

and i’ll write poetry
to heal what you broke
i’ll try not to miss you
until one day, i don’t

don’t fall in love with me
don’t give me hope

Graham asking Harry what he’ll sing on a tour cause he’d have like only ten songs and Harry saying he’d just tell awful jokes for the rest of the time 😂👍🏻 take my money Styles!

Happy Birthday

Concept: you’re Harry’s gf, you’re with him on tour and it’s your birthday. He’s performing, you’re backstage. You hear him talk about today being a special day. He says he’s going to call you onstage and asks people to tell you what it says on the big screen when you go up there. People goes wild. You cant see the screen but you assume it says happy birthday. He calls you, you go up there all shy, harry counts 1,2,3. But people shout ‘will you marry harry?’ and you turn to see him on one knee.’ – anon :)


The roar from the crowd was deafening from where you stood backstage, and you could only imagine how powerful it sounded from where Harry stood amongst the rest of his band. This one was one of the bigger venues on the tour, housing just around 4,000 people.

Because of its size, you were able to stand right in the wings and watch him perform, bouncing around onstage and telling awful jokes, just like at the arena tours you were used to.

“Alright!” Harry shouted to the crowd after the end chord finished, “Can yeh do something for me tonight?”

Keep reading

Full credit to @butteredonions for the inspiration for the backstory to this piece (sorry about the delay, Onions!)


“You used to be my hero, you know. It took a long time to let go of that image.”

Lance says it with a little laugh, head tilted towards the stars. Shiro turns his gaze away. He’d ask why they didn’t send Keith, but he figures he knows. This is his punishment. Turning a weapon on a guest isn’t very paladin-like — isn’t very heroic.

“Bet I helped with that,” he says.

Keep reading

some trojans hcs

bc i’m bored and also i love the trojans have i mentioned that

gonna start w/ alvarez

  • the ULTIMATE MEME
  • super friendly and extroverted
  • always blasting spanish music (she’s puerto rican)
  • always first to buy into ridiculous instagram trends—glitter roots, super fancy nail art—sometimes they work! sometimes they,,,do n ot
  • real goofy 
  • KNOWS EVERYONE
  • how??? does she do it??
  • carefully steps off a park bench: ‘parkour’
  • says what’s on her mind bc she’s lowkey salty as hell
  • that’s why she gets along so well w jean 
  • rly, do NOT get these two mad at you they will drag u so hard nothing will be left of u. prepare for death
  • they bicker a lot but it’s out of love

laila!! 

  • jeremy’s bffl
  • always carrying bandaids and,,, pretty much everything
  • ‘laila!! laila!! our bus broke down—’
  • laila pulling out 5 spare tires 7 flashlights and a full repair kit out of her backpack: i got this
  • voted Most Likely To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse
  • lovs to dance
  • idk what she studies I’m saying either art or engineering,,,both
  • is super chill unless u fuck up and then she descends upon u with the fires of hell in her eyes
  • actually funny as hell
  • loves trying new stuff and for some reason always heads out at the weirdest hours
  • laila, at 3am: jeremy. jeremy wake up we’re going to get french fries alvarez and jean are already in the car

jean I lov him

  • taking french to fill out his subjects bc #hackthesystem
  • jeremy put on les mis and jean, slightly (very) drunk launched into a 3hr rant about incorrect translations and accuracy
  • alvarez filmed it and it’s the holy grail of the trojans group chat
  • will bodily lift alvarez off high surfaces and lower her to the ground
  • learning how to play the violin (because he always wanted to, but he can now)
  • whenever anyone annoys him he uses it to make screechy sounds outside their door
  • and then sweetly smiles and pretends its just bc he’s a beginner wow u didn’t sleep at all connor i’m ever so sorry bc he’s a little shit
  • picked up sketching and painting, and is taking some lessons with laila

jeremy, loml

  • certified Team Dad™ , tells awful jokes and thinks they’re hilarious
  • avid lover of kpop
  • loses everything oh my god someone help him he is a mess
  • for someone who has an image of a responsible and put-together captin he rly is a disaster
  • team ‘why do today what u can do tmrw’
  • needs glasses and stumbles around half-blind bc he loses them all the time
  • contrary to popular belief, not a morning person but caffeine recharges him
  • softest sweaters, but they’re constantly being stolen by everyone else

 in conclusion: disaster of a team but i lov them and hope they r doin well

wonderlandleighleigh  asked:

So now I need the headcanon for the Titans group chat that Vic is apart of. :)

-would have a lot more members than the JLA chat because it also includes past team members (such as Dick)

-Dick is the overprotective mom figure who will text to check that missions went okay, that everyone is eating and sleeping (Tim). He’s usually met with a resounding “Chill dude, we’re fine”

-everyone sends terrible jokes and one liners because it’s “superhero tradition” to tell awful jokes. It’ll usually start with one person telling a joke and then the others respond with more jokes until it’s like an open mike night at a bad comedy club

-Wally will send “Dick Pics” of Dick doing everyday things and the first time he did it he just said “I’m sending you guys a dick pic” and everyone freaked out until they got a picture of Dick in his pyjamas eating a plate of tacquitos.

-Garth sends animal videos of cute cats and sometimes people will send back things like that one video where the whale punts the seal into the air and others will respond with “lol” and “get rekt kid”

-there’s a running joke/competition of who can find Tim sleeping in the weirdest place (Kon and Bart do well in this as they’ve sent pictures of Tim asleep in places such as the top of the fridge, halfway out of an air vent, and inside a cabinet)

-the chat is also used to create shopping lists to stock up the HQ’s fridge. Then it’s used to arrange cage matches to figure out who is actually going to do the shopping, which is another ordeal altogether.

Want to hear a joke?

Request: Hey there! Could you please write something where Harry and the reader are trapped in an elevator for an hour or two when the power goes out on the 15th floor and the reader has a fear of heights and isn’t a fan of elevators so he comforts them and just holds them to avoid like a panic attack and just lots of fluff pretty please :))))))))))))))))))))))))


“I just want to sleep three years from now.” You yawned, leaning your head on Harry’s arm. 

“You’re sleeping at mine, just so you know.” Harry said, wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you waited for the elevator. 

You giggled, looking up at your boyfriend of 7 months and nodded. You both stepped inside the empty elevator, pressing on G floor. You shuddered a little, wrapping your arms around his waist. “I hate these.” You hid your face in his chest, closing your eyes. 

Harry awed, kissing his head before opening his phone’s camera, leaning his cheek on your head and smiling a sheepish smile, snapping a picture. 

Keep reading

so eureka makes an awful joke about eating disorders, Sasha tells her it’s disrespectful because shes suffered from an eating disorder and eureka gets upset and claims sasha hurt HER feelings for calling her out. WHAT??? you make a joke out of someones pain and then get upset like a little bitch when they tell you its wrong. talk about playing the fucking victim. 

don't fall in love with me
don't fall in love with me

so, i wrote this poem less than a week ago. it was a hit with many of you, becoming my most popular poem to date.

today, @princess-peniscake asked for my permission to record it as a song. i’m very pleased with the result, to say the least.

give it a listen, it makes me smile.
i hope it does the same for you!

and please feel free to share, if you enjoy it.

poem/lyrics:

“don’t fall in love with me

i’ll turn you into poetry
and sing out of key

i’ll wake you every morning
to see: coffee-colored eyes
and i’ll sip from you slowly
as i kiss you goodbye

don’t fall in love with me

i’ll map your constellations
and make myself at home

i’ll laugh and get nervous
when i tell awful jokes

so i’ll smile and kiss you
on the tip of your nose
don’t fall in love with me
don’t get too close

one day, you’ll need me
until one day, you won’t

and i’ll write poetry
to heal what you broke
i’ll try not to miss you
until one day, i don’t

don’t fall in love with me
don’t give me hope”

Otp parents meme with Sebastian Stan:

Originally posted by ohhseby

  • Who’s the one to wake up the kids:

It depends on who gets up first, but usually he does

  • Who makes the breakfast:

You do, while Sebastian is getting the kids ready so he can drive them to school

  • Who’s the one to cry for everything:

I would say you are, even though Sebastian gets really emotional sometimes too

  • Who’s the more discipline parent and who’s the more lenient one:

I don’t think that any of you are actually the type of parent that is hard with their kids. Both of you know pretty well how to raise them well and be lenient at the same time, without going to extremes

  • Who helps with the science fair:

Sebastian does because he’s a nerd and he loves space and science so he would love to help the kids not only with school projects but with homework in general

  • Who does baby talk:

Both of you do, but it’s extremely cute when he does tbh, because he gets all soft and fluffy

  • Who wakes up for midnight feedings:

If Sebastian is home (which he always is, because he takes a break from work when the kids are born), he does and he never complains about it - I mean, you already had to go through all the pain of childbirth, so now it’s his time to do stuff and let you rest

  • Who’s the one who always worries:

I think he is. Sebastian is the type of person who worries A LOT about the people he loves, so it wouldn’t be different with his kids

  • Who picks up the kids early from school for some fun:

You do, especially if he’s away shooting a movie or something (you know that they miss him, so this is kinda your way of trying to get them to not think about Seb so much)

  • Who’s the competitive parent:

None of you, I guess

  • Who kisses the ouches:

Sebastian, mostly - he hates to see his children getting hurt, it doesn’t matter if it’s a scratch on the knee or just a bruise

  • Who’s the sucker for the puppy eyes:

It gotta be Seb too. The kids have him wrapped around their fingers, so whenever they want something, all they gotta do is look at him with puppy eyes (and it’s a bonus if they pout)

  • Who makes the “dad jokes”:

You two!!!! It’s like a competition of who tells the worst dad joke

  • Who embarrassed their kid for fun:

Also both of you because??? What’s the point of having children if you can’t dance awkwardly and tell awful jokes in front of them and their friends?????

  • Who’s the over protective one:

Sebastian, because like I said he hates to see his kids getting hurt or something

  • Who’s the “take a sweater!” parent:

You are, definitely!

anonymous asked:

Pbarmercy prompt where pharah secretly rescues a lil puppy during a mission and later shows it to mercy in her quaters

Starts with Angst, ends with fluff ;)

This is such a cute prompt … I’m sorry I rushed it a bit, there was honestly so much more I could have written ^^;


It is a hell hole. It is always a hell hole, the places they go.

Pharah ducks behind a crumbling building, the scraps of decommissioned omnics spill oil in the streets which coats the inside of her nostrils. Oil has become synonymous with blood in her mind, in the synapses which transfer information through it. She gags because they were alive and now they are not, and it always hurts; it always burns deep in her stomach like acid.

“Pharah, position?” Someone says over comms - she thinks it is Winston.

“Outer edges,” she replies. All threats have been neutralized. They are not far from base, it is truly horrific how close they sometimes get. Fareeha worries about her comrades, how she will protect them all if a time may come that they are all under fire. It is … terrifying.

“Acknowledged,” says someone else, “can you meet us back at base?”

“Copy.” Replies Pharah, “I will check in at the gate.”

“Good, over and out.” This time is is Angela, her voice is exhausted and beautiful. Fareeha deflates behind her barricade, looks down at the sparking omnic beside her.

There is a cemetery not too far off, she remembers it; she hoists the body over her shoulder and walks quietly in the Raptora (in the heavy silence of a battlefield) there; digs a hole, sets the body in it.

Fareeha Amari knows the value of the rite into the afterlife; everyone deserves a proper burial. There is a rock off to the side; medium sized and flat-ish. She goes to it, bends to pick it up.

There is a sound like whimpering, Pharah is surprised that there is a puppy crouched behind it, tail between its legs. It must have been caught up in the battle.

Cemeteries are, ironically, relatively safe places to be during war. Pharah knows. Pharah remembers a mission during her first deployment; how she and her captain had taken cover in a cemetery for two days after the squad had been dismantled.

In a way, she feels as though this puppy is an echo of her, then. Twenty-two and woefully unprepared. Emotionally scarred, even now.

She reaches her hand out tentatively, the fleshy and warm one, the one that connects with the world around it, and is pleasantly surprised when the puppy does not shrink away from her. It accepts her with a nuzzle and a lick and Fareeha knows already that she will not turn away.

She finishes up with the makeshift headstone, and heads for home.


The puppy is probably a retriever, Fareeha guesses, watching it scramble around her room - if the amount of fluff and the yellow coloring is any indicator. She has scraps for it in a bowl on the ground along with some water and a mat made of the formal attire she is relatively certain she will never have the occasion for; despite this, it seems to be more interested in a pair of socks and the relative firmness of her barrack bed.

Fareeha sighs heavily as she sits next to it; she knows this was unwise. There are a lot of things she is not equipped to handle - regular walks and a steady schedule for avoiding incidents.

Fareeha has been assigned to the bulk of all missions lately…

Tomorrow, she resolved, she will deal with it tomorrow.

The puppy curls up beside her as she lays down, obviously exhausted.

She does not blame it; she feels the same.



For two weeks, things go well enough. Fareeha is more reclusive than she is generally known to be, but people do not mention it.

For two weeks it is fine, and then she is assigned to a mission in America and things become entirely more complicated.

She’s named the puppy Ernill, which was the name etched on the omnic that night. She has learned that it is a male, that he definitely enjoys socks and that he can absolutely not be left alone for any extensive amount of time lest he destroy everything.

At midnight the night before her deployment, Fareeha knocks lightly on Hana’s door, knowing the girl is up and streaming. After a few minutes, probably the time it took to finish her current match, Hana opens the door, looks at her strangely, a silent question.

“Can I ask a favor of you?” Fareeha asks, quietly, seriously.

“Depends…” Hana says, deceptively intelligent and always a little more than wary. Fareeha pulls out a leash.

“… is this something kinky?” Hana asks. Fareeha goes red with indignation.

“What? No! Of course not,” Fareeha says. “I … adopted a dog … on our last mission.”

This catches Hana’s attention, she leans forward, interested.

“It would be unwise to tell Winston of it. But I cannot leave him alone for so long after I leave tomorrow.”

“If you’re asking me to watch a dog,” says Hana, “I’m already sold.” And she grins and Fareeha feels relief she has not felt in ages.

Fareeha introduces Hana to Ernill, the two get along well. Or, perhaps Hana just really likes dogs. Regardless, when Fareeha leaves the next day, she is please at the thought of the little dog’s safety.



Fareeha returns a week later, bruised and exhausted. Briefly, she forgets that a dog even exists. She nearly forgets she exists. She just wants to sleep.

Despite the success of the mission as a whole, she feels like she has failed in her own way - a success means no injury, and she is definitely feeling the hole in her leg.

When she opens the door to her room, she expects empty, dark, silence.

What she gets is Angela, dressed in a tank top and flannel pajama shorts, playing with Ernill, a rope toy in her hand and in his teeth; they are both sitting on her bed. Everything Fareeha thinks she feels seems to vanish, all but the warmth up her neck and in her ears.

She sets her bag down at about the same time they both turn to look at her.

Angela is smiling freely into the empty room and it is like sunlight; Fareeha is not sure she has seen anything more calming, more needed in a particular moment in her entire life.

“Welcome back,” she says, quietly, wonderfully. Ernill nudges the hand the rope toy is in, demanding attention.

Fareeha does not recall having purchased a rope toy.

“Oh - thank you,” says Fareeha, shuts the door behind her to avoid prying eyes.

“How are you?” Angela asks, and eyes the way Fareeha is favoring her left leg skeptically. Fareeha tries to hide the pain of it.

“Fine,“ and then seeing Angela’s disbelief, adds unconvincingly: "Nothing serious,” a pause, “I see you have met Ernill.”

At this, Angela’s face breaks out in another winning grin, she scratches behind his ears affectionately and then stands. Ernill jumps off the bed as she does so.

“Hana asked me to watch him, she left for a mission yesterday.”

Fareeha is beyond relieved that Hana had passed off the task - even if it only ended up being for a day.

Fareeha watches the way Angela walks toward her. Watches the way Angela places a hand on her right thigh, blushed deeply when she makes contact.

“What are you-” she begins, but then Angela pushes lightly and pain shoots up her leg and oddly, through her spine. Fareeha winces, stumbles. Angela frowns contemplatively.

Ernill barks and they both glance briefly to the door to make sure no one has heard.

“Nothing serious?” Angela repeats. Fareeha has the sense to chuckle lightly and try to play it off.

“Relatively,” she responds. Angela sighs and shakes her head, turns back to Ernill.

“How long have you had him?” She asks, her tone lighter now, more joking.

“A few weeks,” Fareeha responds, “since the mission in London.”

“Who knew; Fareeha Amari is not all stoicism behind the soldier facade,” Angela smiles. Fareeha wonders if this is how they all see her - as some statue of marble, unfazed. She wonders if she is not just repeating all of the same mistakes she has made in Helix.

“He was having a ruff day, I could not just leave him,” Fareeha says. Angela blinks once, twice, and then something seems to crack in her and she laughs and Fareeha blushes for no other reason than that Angela has a beautiful laugh.

Fareeha would tell a thousand awful jokes just to hear it again. When Angela recovers she is still smiling.

“I should … let you get some rest,” she finally says. “But do you mind if I visit? I’ve grown rather attached.”

“Come anytime you like,” Fareeha tells her sincerely. Angela smiles, and leaves for the door, but stops just before opening it. Turns to Fareeha, leaning just a little on it, Fareeha does not know why she feels the rise of a blush but it persists just the same.

“And Fareeha,” Angela says, “see me tomorrow about your thigh, I want to get a proper look at it.” There is something about the way she says this that sends a jolt of electricity through Fareeha’s stomach.

When the door closes with a light click Fareeha glances down at Ernill. His tail is wagging, tongue out, he barks once, happily and Fareeha feels as though something has changed which she cannot name; but which Ernill probably could - he looks … almost happy with what has just transpired.

shanlightyear  asked:

In honor of Father's Day, do you have any cringe-y dad head cannons for the Rampion 2.0 crowd? Like, does Kai tell really bad dad jokes, does Thorne do that stupid thing where he pinches his pants before crouching down? Does wolf wear white tube socks pulled up all the way with white sneakers?

YES TO ALL!!! You have no idea how hard I cackled when I opened this. Seriously. You know every single one of those guys is just the DORKIEST of dads.

  • Wolf is the ultimate dad texter. His comms are all brief messages like “ok” and “lol” and “love u.” If his kids wanna hold a real conversation, then they’ll just have to call him.
    • Similarly, Wolf’s also the dad who’s constantly ambling up to his kids with a misbehaving portscreen in hand, asking them to fix whatever tech problem he’s encountered.
  • Also, I feel like Wolf would be the one to commit the grave sin of socks with sandals. Because “I already had the socks on and then I needed to run out to check on the chickens—why change shoes for five minutes outside??” *exasperated wolf cub sputtering*
  • Thorne A B S O L U T E L Y does the pants-pinch thing before he sits or crouches, which is always accompanied by those dramatic groans dads let out when they’re crouching down for something because “I’m gettin’ too old for this” and which always spur a round of eyerolls from his children.
  • Kai does tell really awful dad jokes, but what’s worse is that he tells them on international TV! There is no escape from his infamous sense of humor. The fact that he’s in the middle of an interview with a famous reporter will not stop him from taking every pun opportunity that’s offered to him…no matter how badly his kids are blushing.
    • And even worse, he’s also the dad who’ll take any opening you give him to tell a story about when his darlings were small.
      • “Dad, no, you DO NOT need to use the story about the noodle incident as the opening story in your Peace Ball Speech.”
      • “But it was so cute…you know, I bet your mother still has the picture from that floating around somewhere. We could probably project it on the wall in the banquet hall.”
      • DAD.”
  • But to be fair, Thorne isn’t much better, since he’s always telling really dumb ship-related jokes.
    • “Why couldn’t the crew play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck!”  *unimpressed groans from the little Thornelings*
  • Additionally, Thorne’s the dad who has an endless arsenal of nicknames that the kids secretly find endearing, but which they’re morally obligated to groan over. Things like…
    • Darlin’, half-pint, pumpkin, kiddo, princess, and—his very, very favorite and the one he uses most—cadet!!!
  • Kai’s the one who attempts to use current slang and fails miserably, but always looks super smug and triumphant anyway.
  • Wolf is the king of dad!snores and dad!sneezes. Both are unimaginably loud and there’s been many a time when he’s startled an unsuspecting lil’ wolf cub into almost jumping out of their skin when he lets out a deafening “aCHOOOOOOOO!!!!” when they’re walking back to the house together after evening chores.
  • And all of them—ALL of them—are guilty of dancing like dads. Which means all their moves are hopelessly out of date, but VERY enthusiastic.
    • This means that at any event the whole Rampion Crew attends and that includes dancing, you can bank on finding a cluster of mortified Rampion kids trying to hide behind the refreshment table while at least one—if not all—of their dads are making fools of themselves on the dance floor.
    • Wolf’s kids have it a little easier since he isn’t often persuaded to step out, but when he is (often with the sole intent of teasing his children in mind)…well…it’s bad.